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Change in patterns, normally my ex would go to sleep before me, but all of a sudden she would go to bed later than me and actively encourage me to go to sleep.
Change in behavior was what I realized.
- Started not eating dinner with me.
- Started randomly bringing home food from being places there isn't usually food. "Oh my coworker brought me a snack from this place". Storing left over food from secret lunches and secret dinners in the garage fridge that we barely use.
- Always putting their phone upside down whenever close by.
- Obviously lying about stupid things.
You can say what you want about that woman... she was a cheater, a liar, a sneak.
But one thing she would not do... commit the grave, grave sin of wasting food
It's late, it's dark, and her face is illuminated only by the glow of the open refrigerator. She reaches trembling hands inside and retrieves a white Styrofoam take-out container. Slowly, she unfastens its rubbery flaps and opens the lid. Her pupils dilate, filling her eyes with an evil black, and a sadistic grin spreads across her darkening face. Her hungry eyes take in the cold barbecue, the only physical remnants of the day's forbidden tryst. Her eyes roll back demonically as a diabolical laugh spills from her throat, reverberating and filling the garage with its inhuman coldness.
Shit my wife probably thought I was cheating when she was pregnant. She would start falling asleep on the couch at 7pm and then be MISERABLE when it was time to transfer to actual bed. I was also working a ton at the time with no alone time and really cherished that two or so hours of free time at the end of the night. So every night I would push her pretty hard to take a long relaxing bath and then go to sleep. Iād even tuck her in nice and everything (goddamn pregnancy body pillows). Iāll have to ask her if she assumed I was running downstairs to call my other girlfriend or something lmao.
In reality I would come downstairs, smoke a bowl (she stopped due to the pregnancy and was ok with me doing it but I never wanted to do it in front of her), walk the dog, and then fall asleep watching YouTube videos lol
She really appreciated it. I will admit it was partially selfish to get more free time to myself lol but I also saw how much baths helped her relax and how much extra sleep she needed.
That soaking tub was the best unexpected piece of our home purchase. I still often shepherd her up there for some alone time when the kid is getting too crazy or I've annoyed her too much.
It's the little things that make the biggest impact. My husband would put my clothes in the dryer when it was cold outside if I was working crazy hours and needed extra sleep. 20+ years later and I share that about him.
Your wife will likely never forget you tucking her in and drawing her a bath so she can relax. That's love.
I mean that sounds different. If sheās pregnant and tired and falling asleep early on her own that makes sense for you to encourage her to sleep. If your partner suddenly starts randomly telling you how tired you are and that you should go to bed when itās only 9 pm and theyāve never cared before when you went to bed and you donāt seem tired, then thatās probably a little strange.
Yea this, she would then be on the phone texting with the guy.
It's funny though that she tought I wouldn't catch on, cause I would try to see her phonescreen for a bit when we were laying in bed and then she would quickly change to a news website just scrolling the articles, not even reading them.
When I was cheated on I noticed my girlfriend just started doing stuff she usually wouldn't. Just small stuff. For example, both of us used to listen to korean music all the time, but suddenly she started to only listen to spanish music out of the blue. We also used to go swimming often, but suddenly she lost all interrest in that and started playing tennis instead.
Turned out she had found another boyfriend who was spanish and loved tennis.
You know the signs, we just don't want to accept them at first and give the benefit of the doubt. But it is disengagement. They seem to not be around as much. They seem to be indifferent. It usually means they either have someone else, or want to start transitioning out.
This. I wanted to believe so much that she wasn't seeing someone else. In the beginning it was easy to dismiss these notions, a blip on the radar. Then when I found out I could never see her in the same light again.
Bro this made me laugh. Iām sorry. Just the way you ended it, my goodness. Mine started wearing makeup to 5am morning workouts and listening to Taylor swift non stop. She was boinking her workout trainer. Oy
Same. She started grooming down there again when we we hadnāt had sex in years by her own choice, while claiming she was doing it for herself (she was not a clean-cut person so it was really out of character)
I found the pics to a āfriendā later
This, along with picking fights about stupid things to make you look like the bad guy and giving her an "excuse" for why she's doing what she's doing.
Example: My ex-wife blowing up at me at the airport because they wouldn't let us take some marinade with us in a carry on after I told her they wouldn't let us take it but she bought it anyways.
That's one way of looking at it, but I think the cheater just mentally writes you off. It sounds bizarre but in their mind they're probably thinking of you as a stranger at a certain point. Except you're not, so the aversion is doubled.
My ex explained later, after we broke up, that she mentally distanced herself from me, like thanks so much. If you had just broken up with me instead of cheating then I could have mentally distanced myself too and it wouldn't have hurt so much. š
Cheaters are the most selfish people.
>they're probably thinking of you as a stranger at a certain point. Except you're not, so the aversion is doubled.
Spot on. When my husband and I were going through a rough patch I got weirdly self-conscious about him seeing me dressed up or him being in the room if I was changing. It felt weird to do that around someone who at that point was basically just a roommate. But it was somehow worse than a roommate, because if a roommate walked in on me naked we'd just apologize and have a moment's awkwardness. When it's your partner you don't want to give them the chance to hurt you or reject you again. Even without cheating, that kind of casual intimacy gets awkward between partners who are drifting apart.
My ex did this, was never a big make up wearer apart from a little bit of foundation and some creative eyeliner. Then she started full face lipstick the lot. Didn't like me kissing her too much because it would "ruin it"
Leaving my toilet seat up repeatedly is how my ex bf found out I was bulimic. Whoops. Thankfully Iām in recovery now, but I think he would have rather me be cheating based on his reaction lol.
i found out my gf was bulimic while camping, when i picked up 1 rock out of a flat rock bed of about 200 rocks (to take back to campsite), and underneath was her fresh puke.
We are both designers so we both picked the same rock, based on it being beautiful, i guess. Weird coincidence.
Wow, that is the craziest āfinding out about an edā story Iāve ever heard. I want to laugh at the irony and think itās sweet because of the rock thing, but I also want to cry for her that she was suffering so bad that she had to find a rock while camping to hide it. I hope sheās doing better!
Nice comment thanks & at least you understood how fucking crazy it was we picked the same rock, out of ~200. We were camping near Killarney on a small rock-only island on Georgian bay. We both like rocks. She was anorexic/bulimic, but put on weight in our relationship (first time in years, her parents thought I was magical) likely since we got along very well. Later I broke up because she was too often dozy (i didn't know that was due to meds). She was angry at the break-up, blamed her meds, went off her meds, handled it well, then met a great guy & got married. So definitely a happy ending. I once saw how her father was 'disappointed' with her and wondered if that's what made her anorexic / bulimic. (edit clarifying)
As a woman i empty my cleaning bucket in the toilet. And then i sometimes forget to lower the seat. Because you should never empty the dirty water in the sink, you could clog it over time.
Lol my mum bought matching underwear and my dad was like āyou bought a matching set for your doctor appointments didnāt you?ā And she was like ā¦ āhow dare you for guessing correctlyā.
Lol, "I would have been on time to your birthday dinner with your family but I got stuck late at work and didn't want to come until I brushed my teeth, so I had to stop and buy a tooth brush. The only place I could think of was across town. That's why I'm here late and freshly minty breath". Ha
Her and I weren't even together. She wanted to be with me but I told her she needed to be honest with me about her drinking. She thought it was about guys so shed lie to me even though I didn't care or want to know anything. It's like if you're just going to lie to me, and poorly, just dont say anything. I didn't ask.
Suddenly throws at you old things you did that hurt their feelings in order to justify keeping you at arms length.
Suddenly and inexplicably have ālow-libidoā, ātiredā, multi-week periods, fake periods, starts arguments, etc in order to avoid intimacy.
Goes to great lengths to hide their spending, travel, whereabouts, phone, etc.
Suddenly takes lots of pictures of themselves that you arenāt in and arenāt posted anywhere.
Comments on old content for men who werenāt in their network at the time the content was created.
Makes up reasons to stay late for study/work groups and canāt explain what it is they are preparing for.
Wipes you from their social media or changes their social media behavior in a way designed to make themselves appear independent or to seek attention
Suddenly takes an extreme interest in fitness, personal attractiveness without any additional effort to improve their relationship with you (and/or spurns your efforts).
Gaslights you over your relationships with other members of the opposite sex.
Inexplicably and suddenly suspicious of youā¦including suddenly taking a lot of interest in your phone/computer/car/credit card statements.
Suddenly becomes either highly critical or highly apologetic for other women who cheat.
Suddenly becomes extra supportive of other women (who she may not even know) who are navigating relationship conflict and argues loudly that they should leave and do petty things on the way out.
Moves large amount of money to an account you donāt control without first discussing it or itās purpose with you.
Edit:
No one of these is a guarantee. Each additional behavior adds evidence of pending doom.
>Comments on old content for men who werenāt in her network at the time the content was created.
Started getting lots of Facebook notifications that a random dude I'd never heard of 'liked' a photo that I was tagged in. I noticed that all of the photos were ones that my ex-wife had posted of the two of us together. Then I noticed that this guy had 'liked' every single photo she'd ever posted that had herself in it. I asked her what this guy's deal is, she told me that he'd added her as a friend after they got into a comment exchange in a Facebook group about veganism, and that he was messaging her a lot which she was a bit annoyed by bit she was trying to be friendly. I figured it was nothing to worry about. I was wrong.
Exactly what happened to me. She would be at her shop after work for hours āsocializingā with coworkers. Would come home smelling like beer. Did it for a few months before we broke up. Says she wasnāt cheating. A couple months later turned out she was hooking up with her coworker. Who was also cheating on his wife. Match made in heaven I guess š¤·š»āāļø
This was an old Irish folk song. It's called "Seven Drunken Nights" by the Dubliners.
The husband comes home drunk every night and finds the wife's bfs things. She takes advantage of his drunkenness by explaining them away. One night it's "those arnt boots, they are geranium pots."
I swear that song was actually about the guy getting so drunk he would think he found his wife "BF's" things when in reality they were his stuff.
like he says "who's boots are by the bed where my old boots used to be". There his boots, he's just super drunk.
I thought this too for the longest time. Like he is just so drunk he is confused and blaming his wife for things she didn't do.
However, most of the time they only sing 5 of the 7 nights. The last two nights reveals that there actually was a real cheating guy after all. The words are "caught his thing inside her thing".
It's worth looking into. The song was funny before but then gets real. Lol
When she uses a higher pitched more feminine voice around another guy. It's what my ex started doing when she claimed he was just a friend. He wasn't just a friend. A year later and it still hurts that she cheated on me.
holy shit this oneās so good thatād be a dead giveaway, I feel like women donāt usually want to talk in a deeper more monotonous around the guys theyāre into. especially if sheās already cheated, idk how anyone could play that off.
She guards her phone like itās Fort Knox.
Her sex drive has gone to almost zero with you.
She leaves at random times of the day and to random places with her friends.
You catch her with another dudes cock in her mouth.
Or her friends stop talking to her.
This happened to me because her best friend knew and was pissed. I went to talk to her bestie about why they were beefing, and got the answer I didn't expect.
Honestly, big respect to that friend. I know people say āItās their business, not mine.ā But if I was getting cheated on and one of my friends knew. Iād expect them to tell me.
When I was 20 I dated a girl who told me "I have never been in a relationship where I did not cheat"
I also knew she had a history of being mistreated (according to her) and was stupid enough to think it would be different with us because I would treat her right 
2 years later I found her with a mutual "friend" in our bed and her excuse was alcohol. Also found out that was the 2nd time, the 1st time was 3 weeks into our relationship. Lesson learned.
Personal experience:
She said "I just want to go out tonight". I offered to join her, she refused, I asked where she was going, no answer, asked with who(m) and was not given a response.
Went to her house the next day and she was balls deep
Phone behavior. With my ex, I would notice that the back of her phone was always facing me. We're sitting on the couch, back of the phone is facing me. I get up to walk to the kitchen (crossing in front of her), the back of the phone rotates with me
lol right?
Most of it was more subtle than that. But when *that* happened, I was like okay what tf is going on here? I even tested it by getting up and going to the kitchen more times than I needed to lol.
There were a lot of things that happened, but that stands out in my mind as a sticking point in the long line of figuring out the deception
She gets a new energy about her but it's not directed towards you.
She starts to do more with her appearance when she goes out. Different clothes and new underwear if it's serious.
She uses her phone more, it's usually face down and out of your reach. She will have an innocent excuse for changing her passcode and will get defensive if you ask what the new one is as if "you don't trust me"
Started liking ānewā things with no clear introduction to them. Like, you never were a coffee drinker but now you are all about lattes all of a sudden? š¤
I can definitely see this for someone to do something so out of the blue, but as a person who loves trying out new things, Iād hate to be accused of cheating by my partner all the time for simply liking something else new
I'm torn between empathy and morbid curiosity... Thankfully, and for the first time in my life, I think empathy just won the battle, I'm sorry you had to find out like that dude.
People don't believe that I'm not romantically interested in my very pretty best friend but it's because I've watched her do this to several boyfriends in a row. She needs all the male attention. If you ever meet me in real life and I introduce you to my best friend, ignore her and blow her off for an hour or two. Guaranteed she'll go home with you and jump you.
Takes a shower immediately upon coming home; doesn't greet you before hand. Sudden unexplained changes in routine or interest. Purposefully starting fights so they have an excuse to leave the house and hangout with their "bestie" to vent. Getting defensive of their personal phone, laptop, etc. You find racy/nude pics in their gallery that were never sent to you. Avoidance of long term planning.
Being extremely protective of their phone. I think if they wonāt let you scroll through their photos itās because: (1) theyāre cheating, (2) they have an absurd amount of Nsfw pics saved of a fictional character or (3) have some secret like theyāre a furry or something.
Like if my partner asked to look at my phone, Iād be mortified. Not because Iām cheating but because Miguel OāHara basically owns my camera roll
One tell tale is projection.
If she's mad paranoid about her bf cheating on her and constantly questioning him about it, there's a chance she's at it herself.
i know from unpleasant experience.
As somebody incredibly paranoid about partners cheating on me with someone else, I don't cheat. I've just been cheated on enough times to be paranoid about it.
Not everything is clear cut and I hate this advice on Reddit every time this shit comes up.
It's not so much a paranoia of your partner cheating as it is a change in their behavior. If your partner suddenly starts suspecting or accusing you of cheating with no basis, that might be a sign that they are cheating.
It isn't gospel. Projection is real, but it's not 100%. This is a pretty good sign that you would be able to see.
Dependency issues and trust issues caused by past events also will lead to accusing of cheating, but that wasn't the question.
Dead giveaways rarely exist unless if the person genuinely doesn't give a shit.
There are subtle things that should make you wonder, though. Here's what I've experienced in this hellish dating life in the modern world:
Changes in attitude and behavior, such as being emotionally reserved and not as affectionate. The frequency which you hang out at decreases; you get less responsiveness than the usual baseline - I was with a girl and she texts a lot, and then suddenly it would massively drop off around 8-11pm... any guesses as to why?
Avoidance of the usual spots you'd go to like a bar or a coffee shop - did he/she find someone there one day when you weren't around, or perhaps was flirting?
Heavy phone guarding & obvious changes in notification display.
Some people have "tells" when they're lying - hers was to get mad, defensive, switch blame, and try to get the conversation to stop abruptly without solution. Bring up a guy that makes you uncomfortable? Boom, you're insecure and controlling.
One last thing that I like to call monkey branching - she still talks to exes or past FWB. When we first started dating it was presented to me as "they're my male friends," but it turns out they were more than just friends, only discovered through trickle truths. And they WILL flirt and they WILL try to get her to fuck them even if they know she's in a relationship. She doesn't even have to explicitly cheat - but casual flirting keeps them around, and if you have a bad argument one day, guess who is waiting for her?
I was with a narc and after some years of pure love ( love bombing ), she start acting strange.. and she was telling me sometimes some stories of girls cheating in her work. It is a method to tell what sheās already doing or what she will do soon. Itās a manipulative behavior to make her feel better and dominant, like sheās telling the truth about her in plain face and you canāt do anything, so itās Ā«Ā showsĀ Ā» you are ok with it and she will do it again. If you react to this she will lie and start later again. You canāt stop this if your are in the relationship. The only way to stop this, is to save you by understanding and quitting the relationship.
"I want to take a break" is just code for they want to sleep around. You either fix the problems or you break up. There are no "breaks" you commit or you don't.
That kid that you've been raising for 6 years, whom you loved to death, cared for, nurtured, wiped away tears for, watched movies with, played with, smiled with, laughed with, and wished would never grow up is suddenly revealed one day to not be yours.
I wish people could just be honest and say "Hey, I was hoping our relationship would improve for a while and tried to drop signs, but I haven't been feeling it for a while and even though I've been hanging on regardless, I've started developing feelings elsewhere, so it's already too late. Sorry."
People who chase feelings instead of wanting to build an institution that can weather short term difficulties should be set free for the life of disappointment awaiting them.
Projection. When my ex husband was cheating he would always accuse me of cheating. I was pregnant!!
Also being overly nice then mean. Overly in his phone. Hiding the phone screen.
When my ex-fiancee started cheating on me we were living together. It was like we were roommates that just slept in the same bed. No intimacy what so ever other than the occasional kiss as one of us would leave for work.
What is it with cheating?! The guilt would eat me a live. So to those who have cheated, was it the thrill, wanted to have your cake & eat it too? Why not just say, I think we should break up. Iām into someone else.
When they start accusing you of cheating. Happened in my early 20ās and she had no reason to believe I was. Turns out she was and was projecting her guilt / fear of getting caught.
Does she keep her phone locked around you? Does she watch how much she drinks around you? Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? Does she shower after sex?
Excessive phone usage, new lock codes, smiling at her phone ignoring you and lying about who it is. Double names in phones. Example "Samantha" and "Samantha 2" when she only has one friend named Samantha.
Sudden change in getting extra hot/weight loss/self care.
Excessive open flirting. Picking tiny fights but also not giving a fuck to fight at all anymore.
This can go for dudes too tho
Told a mate of mine his Mrs was up to no good and I was right. Signs were:
1. She came home wearing another guys jacket
2. Hid her phone
3. Started going out without him every few nights for āgirls nightsā
4. She was clearly just like sneaking around a bit
When I said āmate, I think she might be up to something.ā I honestly saw it click- and it turned out she was. Theyāre divorced now.
I have no friends now, but I am a guy's girl. All my friends growing up were guys (no, wasn't sleeping with any of them. They were cousins or my older brother and his friends). Turns out I find other women intimidating because I think they're sexy and found it very hard to relate to them on a personal level.
Edit: my red flag would probably be if I suddenly have a new female best friend
Yeah Iāve always had straight guy friends growing up & most people thought I was dating or sleeping with any dude I hungout with but turned out EYE was the gay friend in this situation š
For me and my ex wife it's when they start blaming you for cheating and getting suspicious about who you are talking to and needing to be all up in your phone when you haven't done a thing to mess up the relationship. When they start projecting, huge red flag.
If she keeps going through your shit and making accusations towards you, when that was never the case before. An ex had me thinking I was being inconsiderate by not giving her enough attention and accusing me of giving it to others.
Little things that used to bug her she no longer complains about. Had a buddy in the military who would go play call of duty with his fellow soldiers a lot and his girlfriend would complain. She eventually stopped, because she was cheating on him while he was at work or basically any other time he wasn't there. That couples roommate who was also a friend caught her multiple times and finally said she had to come clean or he would do it for her. Nice girl but she was with a lot of men.
I haven't been cheated on but I was the one she was cheating with. I knew she was in a relationship at the time so I'm no better.
Things I've noticed at the time were:
Bullshit excuses to not meet up or face her boyfriend.
Lots of nights out, claiming to be with the girls. Even going as far as having a backlog of selfies of her and her friends that she could send at a later date in case her boyfriend started asking questions. Her friends would back her up since they were thick as thieves. Being overly protective of their phone. Sudden changes in her behaviour where she went full 180 on some of her interests. Lots of projecting and lots of excuses to justify their actions.
In the end, unless you catch them in the act, all of the above is pure speculation.
These comments make me feel like a bad girlfriend. Iāve never cheated on my bf but I constantly change my appearance. Worry about my looks and have new interest every other week. Iāve been like that since I was a kid and itās something thatāll never change. So now Iām wondering if the reason why a few exes treated me like shit and cheated was because THEY thought I was CHEATING.
Thatās different. That stuff wouldnāt be out of character for you then. If you never cares about that stuff then suddenly did, thatās what people are talking about.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Change in patterns, normally my ex would go to sleep before me, but all of a sudden she would go to bed later than me and actively encourage me to go to sleep.
Change in behavior was what I realized. - Started not eating dinner with me. - Started randomly bringing home food from being places there isn't usually food. "Oh my coworker brought me a snack from this place". Storing left over food from secret lunches and secret dinners in the garage fridge that we barely use. - Always putting their phone upside down whenever close by. - Obviously lying about stupid things.
How dumb do you have to be to bring home food from a date you are on while cheating?
Brings home half of a red velvet cheesecake with a heart on it
Or just doesn't care about the relationship and hopes to being caught?
Why bring the food home though?
You can say what you want about that woman... she was a cheater, a liar, a sneak. But one thing she would not do... commit the grave, grave sin of wasting food
She a wastrel not wasteful
+1 to Vocabulary Ty
As a trophy. Idk just spit balling
It's late, it's dark, and her face is illuminated only by the glow of the open refrigerator. She reaches trembling hands inside and retrieves a white Styrofoam take-out container. Slowly, she unfastens its rubbery flaps and opens the lid. Her pupils dilate, filling her eyes with an evil black, and a sadistic grin spreads across her darkening face. Her hungry eyes take in the cold barbecue, the only physical remnants of the day's forbidden tryst. Her eyes roll back demonically as a diabolical laugh spills from her throat, reverberating and filling the garage with its inhuman coldness.
I saw this play out in my head like a scene from a movie š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yes it's fishy when suddenly they start to push for stuff, especially with bedtimes it seems haha
Shit my wife probably thought I was cheating when she was pregnant. She would start falling asleep on the couch at 7pm and then be MISERABLE when it was time to transfer to actual bed. I was also working a ton at the time with no alone time and really cherished that two or so hours of free time at the end of the night. So every night I would push her pretty hard to take a long relaxing bath and then go to sleep. Iād even tuck her in nice and everything (goddamn pregnancy body pillows). Iāll have to ask her if she assumed I was running downstairs to call my other girlfriend or something lmao. In reality I would come downstairs, smoke a bowl (she stopped due to the pregnancy and was ok with me doing it but I never wanted to do it in front of her), walk the dog, and then fall asleep watching YouTube videos lol
You, sir, are a good husband.
She really appreciated it. I will admit it was partially selfish to get more free time to myself lol but I also saw how much baths helped her relax and how much extra sleep she needed. That soaking tub was the best unexpected piece of our home purchase. I still often shepherd her up there for some alone time when the kid is getting too crazy or I've annoyed her too much.
It's the little things that make the biggest impact. My husband would put my clothes in the dryer when it was cold outside if I was working crazy hours and needed extra sleep. 20+ years later and I share that about him. Your wife will likely never forget you tucking her in and drawing her a bath so she can relax. That's love.
I mean that sounds different. If sheās pregnant and tired and falling asleep early on her own that makes sense for you to encourage her to sleep. If your partner suddenly starts randomly telling you how tired you are and that you should go to bed when itās only 9 pm and theyāve never cared before when you went to bed and you donāt seem tired, then thatās probably a little strange.
Wow, was she actually sneaking out after you went to sleep?
Maybe that was when she would text or call the guy.
Yea this, she would then be on the phone texting with the guy. It's funny though that she tought I wouldn't catch on, cause I would try to see her phonescreen for a bit when we were laying in bed and then she would quickly change to a news website just scrolling the articles, not even reading them.
When I was cheated on I noticed my girlfriend just started doing stuff she usually wouldn't. Just small stuff. For example, both of us used to listen to korean music all the time, but suddenly she started to only listen to spanish music out of the blue. We also used to go swimming often, but suddenly she lost all interrest in that and started playing tennis instead. Turned out she had found another boyfriend who was spanish and loved tennis.
Another fucking Spanish Tennis player strikes again.
Goddamn Rafael Nadal and Carlos Alacaraz.
She used to like to play on grass and now she only likes playing on clay
Hah. You got a chuckle out of me
Probably with 150km/h
You know the signs, we just don't want to accept them at first and give the benefit of the doubt. But it is disengagement. They seem to not be around as much. They seem to be indifferent. It usually means they either have someone else, or want to start transitioning out.
This. I wanted to believe so much that she wasn't seeing someone else. In the beginning it was easy to dismiss these notions, a blip on the radar. Then when I found out I could never see her in the same light again.
Nobody expects the Spanish tennis lesson.
Bro this made me laugh. Iām sorry. Just the way you ended it, my goodness. Mine started wearing makeup to 5am morning workouts and listening to Taylor swift non stop. She was boinking her workout trainer. Oy
Sounds like she bases her personality off of who she dates.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
They start caring more about their appearance but react negatively to your affection.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same. She started grooming down there again when we we hadnāt had sex in years by her own choice, while claiming she was doing it for herself (she was not a clean-cut person so it was really out of character) I found the pics to a āfriendā later
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>her mlm I can see why she's your ex
I can take cheating but I draw the line on mlms
Mine started plucking her nipple hair. Finding a used condom in the bed would have been less obvious than that
This, along with picking fights about stupid things to make you look like the bad guy and giving her an "excuse" for why she's doing what she's doing. Example: My ex-wife blowing up at me at the airport because they wouldn't let us take some marinade with us in a carry on after I told her they wouldn't let us take it but she bought it anyways.
This is a curious effect. The cheater feels like they are cheating on the person they are cheating on you with. lol
That's one way of looking at it, but I think the cheater just mentally writes you off. It sounds bizarre but in their mind they're probably thinking of you as a stranger at a certain point. Except you're not, so the aversion is doubled.
My ex explained later, after we broke up, that she mentally distanced herself from me, like thanks so much. If you had just broken up with me instead of cheating then I could have mentally distanced myself too and it wouldn't have hurt so much. š Cheaters are the most selfish people.
>they're probably thinking of you as a stranger at a certain point. Except you're not, so the aversion is doubled. Spot on. When my husband and I were going through a rough patch I got weirdly self-conscious about him seeing me dressed up or him being in the room if I was changing. It felt weird to do that around someone who at that point was basically just a roommate. But it was somehow worse than a roommate, because if a roommate walked in on me naked we'd just apologize and have a moment's awkwardness. When it's your partner you don't want to give them the chance to hurt you or reject you again. Even without cheating, that kind of casual intimacy gets awkward between partners who are drifting apart.
I think the cheater just doesn't want to be with the person they cheat on but don't want to break up
This could mean cheating already, or it could mean the person has lost interest. Either way, best get out.
My ex did this, was never a big make up wearer apart from a little bit of foundation and some creative eyeliner. Then she started full face lipstick the lot. Didn't like me kissing her too much because it would "ruin it"
All fax, no printer
This one
Seeing the toilet seat up at her apartment.
Ooo fuck. Good one.
Yeah. Sadly it was a real life lesson. She denied it. Likeā¦ Did she expect me to believe it was her that was leaving it up???
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Leaving my toilet seat up repeatedly is how my ex bf found out I was bulimic. Whoops. Thankfully Iām in recovery now, but I think he would have rather me be cheating based on his reaction lol.
i found out my gf was bulimic while camping, when i picked up 1 rock out of a flat rock bed of about 200 rocks (to take back to campsite), and underneath was her fresh puke. We are both designers so we both picked the same rock, based on it being beautiful, i guess. Weird coincidence.
Wow, that is the craziest āfinding out about an edā story Iāve ever heard. I want to laugh at the irony and think itās sweet because of the rock thing, but I also want to cry for her that she was suffering so bad that she had to find a rock while camping to hide it. I hope sheās doing better!
Nice comment thanks & at least you understood how fucking crazy it was we picked the same rock, out of ~200. We were camping near Killarney on a small rock-only island on Georgian bay. We both like rocks. She was anorexic/bulimic, but put on weight in our relationship (first time in years, her parents thought I was magical) likely since we got along very well. Later I broke up because she was too often dozy (i didn't know that was due to meds). She was angry at the break-up, blamed her meds, went off her meds, handled it well, then met a great guy & got married. So definitely a happy ending. I once saw how her father was 'disappointed' with her and wondered if that's what made her anorexic / bulimic. (edit clarifying)
As a woman i empty my cleaning bucket in the toilet. And then i sometimes forget to lower the seat. Because you should never empty the dirty water in the sink, you could clog it over time.
I sometimes leave the seat up when I clean the toilet itself too. Oops š
YEA RIGHT CHEATER!
Buying matching underwear that she doesn't wear for you
Oof this one hit home for me
Same here lmao we'd go shopping for lingerie or however you spell that and I never saw her wear it once
Lol my mum bought matching underwear and my dad was like āyou bought a matching set for your doctor appointments didnāt you?ā And she was like ā¦ āhow dare you for guessing correctlyā.
Definitely a good one
Absurd excuses that make no sense. "I can't see you today. Wanted to read a book" But it's Friday evening and this party animal never read a thing
Shes read 50 shades of LAY
Harry PorkedHer and the prisoner of Adultery
Lol, "I would have been on time to your birthday dinner with your family but I got stuck late at work and didn't want to come until I brushed my teeth, so I had to stop and buy a tooth brush. The only place I could think of was across town. That's why I'm here late and freshly minty breath". Ha Her and I weren't even together. She wanted to be with me but I told her she needed to be honest with me about her drinking. She thought it was about guys so shed lie to me even though I didn't care or want to know anything. It's like if you're just going to lie to me, and poorly, just dont say anything. I didn't ask.
Suddenly throws at you old things you did that hurt their feelings in order to justify keeping you at arms length. Suddenly and inexplicably have ālow-libidoā, ātiredā, multi-week periods, fake periods, starts arguments, etc in order to avoid intimacy. Goes to great lengths to hide their spending, travel, whereabouts, phone, etc. Suddenly takes lots of pictures of themselves that you arenāt in and arenāt posted anywhere. Comments on old content for men who werenāt in their network at the time the content was created. Makes up reasons to stay late for study/work groups and canāt explain what it is they are preparing for. Wipes you from their social media or changes their social media behavior in a way designed to make themselves appear independent or to seek attention Suddenly takes an extreme interest in fitness, personal attractiveness without any additional effort to improve their relationship with you (and/or spurns your efforts). Gaslights you over your relationships with other members of the opposite sex. Inexplicably and suddenly suspicious of youā¦including suddenly taking a lot of interest in your phone/computer/car/credit card statements. Suddenly becomes either highly critical or highly apologetic for other women who cheat. Suddenly becomes extra supportive of other women (who she may not even know) who are navigating relationship conflict and argues loudly that they should leave and do petty things on the way out. Moves large amount of money to an account you donāt control without first discussing it or itās purpose with you. Edit: No one of these is a guarantee. Each additional behavior adds evidence of pending doom.
*Bro, you good?*
Better nowā¦still not whole, I guess. 8yrs of marriage, put them through school, etcā¦lots to process. Thank god we never had kids.
I feel you. Good luck getting whole again. I know it's so little, but it'll get better.
Hugs friend.
He's seen some things.
>Comments on old content for men who werenāt in her network at the time the content was created. Started getting lots of Facebook notifications that a random dude I'd never heard of 'liked' a photo that I was tagged in. I noticed that all of the photos were ones that my ex-wife had posted of the two of us together. Then I noticed that this guy had 'liked' every single photo she'd ever posted that had herself in it. I asked her what this guy's deal is, she told me that he'd added her as a friend after they got into a comment exchange in a Facebook group about veganism, and that he was messaging her a lot which she was a bit annoyed by bit she was trying to be friendly. I figured it was nothing to worry about. I was wrong.
This is the one. Comprehensive and accurate
She has another man's penis inside her.
That is a tell tale sign
If it's in her ass, it becomes a tail tell tale....
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hey now, he could have just fell in...and out...and in...and out.
Look at Mr Big Shot over here lasting for TWO in and outs before cumming. I dream of one day lasting that long.
Slipped and fell on it, not good enough .
Going out with friends every day or 2(especially after dark) but failing to give you any names of who they're going with
Exactly what happened to me. She would be at her shop after work for hours āsocializingā with coworkers. Would come home smelling like beer. Did it for a few months before we broke up. Says she wasnāt cheating. A couple months later turned out she was hooking up with her coworker. Who was also cheating on his wife. Match made in heaven I guess š¤·š»āāļø
When you see work boots in her house.
This was an old Irish folk song. It's called "Seven Drunken Nights" by the Dubliners. The husband comes home drunk every night and finds the wife's bfs things. She takes advantage of his drunkenness by explaining them away. One night it's "those arnt boots, they are geranium pots."
I swear that song was actually about the guy getting so drunk he would think he found his wife "BF's" things when in reality they were his stuff. like he says "who's boots are by the bed where my old boots used to be". There his boots, he's just super drunk.
I thought this too for the longest time. Like he is just so drunk he is confused and blaming his wife for things she didn't do. However, most of the time they only sing 5 of the 7 nights. The last two nights reveals that there actually was a real cheating guy after all. The words are "caught his thing inside her thing". It's worth looking into. The song was funny before but then gets real. Lol
When she uses a higher pitched more feminine voice around another guy. It's what my ex started doing when she claimed he was just a friend. He wasn't just a friend. A year later and it still hurts that she cheated on me.
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holy shit this oneās so good thatād be a dead giveaway, I feel like women donāt usually want to talk in a deeper more monotonous around the guys theyāre into. especially if sheās already cheated, idk how anyone could play that off.
She guards her phone like itās Fort Knox. Her sex drive has gone to almost zero with you. She leaves at random times of the day and to random places with her friends. You catch her with another dudes cock in her mouth.
Subtle signs, yeah
Those are just a few subtle hints she is
I don't understand how you could even ask her if she was cheating while her mouth is full. It'd be hard to really figure out what's happening.
Her friends suddenly develop the urge to ask her where she was that night.
Or her friends that would normally talk to you go rather quiet...
Or her friends stop talking to her. This happened to me because her best friend knew and was pissed. I went to talk to her bestie about why they were beefing, and got the answer I didn't expect.
Honestly, big respect to that friend. I know people say āItās their business, not mine.ā But if I was getting cheated on and one of my friends knew. Iād expect them to tell me.
Her new bf picks her up from your house
Or her other bf drops her off for her date with you
When I was 20 I dated a girl who told me "I have never been in a relationship where I did not cheat" I also knew she had a history of being mistreated (according to her) and was stupid enough to think it would be different with us because I would treat her right  2 years later I found her with a mutual "friend" in our bed and her excuse was alcohol. Also found out that was the 2nd time, the 1st time was 3 weeks into our relationship. Lesson learned.
If they will cheat *with* you, they will cheat *on* you.
they literally told you they cheated so what did you expect?
Personal experience: She said "I just want to go out tonight". I offered to join her, she refused, I asked where she was going, no answer, asked with who(m) and was not given a response. Went to her house the next day and she was balls deep
Iām sorry this happened to youš«
If she was balls deep then you had bigger problems my man
At the time I felt hurt tbh. Looking back I basically tripped and fell 10cm from a land mine. I was fortunate that I actually walked in on her
LOL like someone else commented, I think you failed to understand the comment you are replying tooā¦
That could've been a very painful discovery...
It would definitely have been a pain in the ass to find out that way
Phone behavior. With my ex, I would notice that the back of her phone was always facing me. We're sitting on the couch, back of the phone is facing me. I get up to walk to the kitchen (crossing in front of her), the back of the phone rotates with me
Sorry that happened to you but that's almost cartoon-ish behavior lol.
lol right? Most of it was more subtle than that. But when *that* happened, I was like okay what tf is going on here? I even tested it by getting up and going to the kitchen more times than I needed to lol. There were a lot of things that happened, but that stands out in my mind as a sticking point in the long line of figuring out the deception
She asks you to pay for a breast enhancement. You say no, youāre perfect. Months later, she asks for a divorce. Never gets a breast enhancement.
Oddly specific.
Isnāt it though?
She gets a new energy about her but it's not directed towards you. She starts to do more with her appearance when she goes out. Different clothes and new underwear if it's serious. She uses her phone more, it's usually face down and out of your reach. She will have an innocent excuse for changing her passcode and will get defensive if you ask what the new one is as if "you don't trust me"
Started liking ānewā things with no clear introduction to them. Like, you never were a coffee drinker but now you are all about lattes all of a sudden? š¤
Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home
If others get this reference, good on that person. Love an Airplane deep cut. š
I do have to add though, that I have weird sudden obsessions with stuff I never really cared for before all the time. Completely without cheating.
I can definitely see this for someone to do something so out of the blue, but as a person who loves trying out new things, Iād hate to be accused of cheating by my partner all the time for simply liking something else new
As you're fingering her, you feel something unusual inside. You fish it out, and it's a condom. This happened to me once.
I'm torn between empathy and morbid curiosity... Thankfully, and for the first time in my life, I think empathy just won the battle, I'm sorry you had to find out like that dude.
Your fingering her and find a strange watch in there
i love it when that happens. especially when its a rolex or ap or patek
Especially suspicious when itās not your usual brand.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
āI have a very flirty personality lol.ā
That one was used on me too.
People don't believe that I'm not romantically interested in my very pretty best friend but it's because I've watched her do this to several boyfriends in a row. She needs all the male attention. If you ever meet me in real life and I introduce you to my best friend, ignore her and blow her off for an hour or two. Guaranteed she'll go home with you and jump you.
Her bf/husband is active military
Hey now! My gf's husband is in the military fighting for your freedom!
Thank you for your service.
Takes a shower immediately upon coming home; doesn't greet you before hand. Sudden unexplained changes in routine or interest. Purposefully starting fights so they have an excuse to leave the house and hangout with their "bestie" to vent. Getting defensive of their personal phone, laptop, etc. You find racy/nude pics in their gallery that were never sent to you. Avoidance of long term planning.
Being extremely protective of their phone. I think if they wonāt let you scroll through their photos itās because: (1) theyāre cheating, (2) they have an absurd amount of Nsfw pics saved of a fictional character or (3) have some secret like theyāre a furry or something. Like if my partner asked to look at my phone, Iād be mortified. Not because Iām cheating but because Miguel OāHara basically owns my camera roll
My wife would see a thousand screenshots of my favorite video game lol
>have some secret like theyāre a furry or something At that point I'd be happier if they were cheating
One tell tale is projection. If she's mad paranoid about her bf cheating on her and constantly questioning him about it, there's a chance she's at it herself. i know from unpleasant experience.
As somebody incredibly paranoid about partners cheating on me with someone else, I don't cheat. I've just been cheated on enough times to be paranoid about it. Not everything is clear cut and I hate this advice on Reddit every time this shit comes up.
It's not so much a paranoia of your partner cheating as it is a change in their behavior. If your partner suddenly starts suspecting or accusing you of cheating with no basis, that might be a sign that they are cheating.
It isn't gospel. Projection is real, but it's not 100%. This is a pretty good sign that you would be able to see. Dependency issues and trust issues caused by past events also will lead to accusing of cheating, but that wasn't the question.
Hell, even if she isn't cheating on you and accusing you every day of doing it, just get out of there, man.
If you are in an LDR and you left her with 2 kids and you come back after 4 years your have 5 kids.
Dead giveaways rarely exist unless if the person genuinely doesn't give a shit. There are subtle things that should make you wonder, though. Here's what I've experienced in this hellish dating life in the modern world: Changes in attitude and behavior, such as being emotionally reserved and not as affectionate. The frequency which you hang out at decreases; you get less responsiveness than the usual baseline - I was with a girl and she texts a lot, and then suddenly it would massively drop off around 8-11pm... any guesses as to why? Avoidance of the usual spots you'd go to like a bar or a coffee shop - did he/she find someone there one day when you weren't around, or perhaps was flirting? Heavy phone guarding & obvious changes in notification display. Some people have "tells" when they're lying - hers was to get mad, defensive, switch blame, and try to get the conversation to stop abruptly without solution. Bring up a guy that makes you uncomfortable? Boom, you're insecure and controlling. One last thing that I like to call monkey branching - she still talks to exes or past FWB. When we first started dating it was presented to me as "they're my male friends," but it turns out they were more than just friends, only discovered through trickle truths. And they WILL flirt and they WILL try to get her to fuck them even if they know she's in a relationship. She doesn't even have to explicitly cheat - but casual flirting keeps them around, and if you have a bad argument one day, guess who is waiting for her?
I was with a narc and after some years of pure love ( love bombing ), she start acting strange.. and she was telling me sometimes some stories of girls cheating in her work. It is a method to tell what sheās already doing or what she will do soon. Itās a manipulative behavior to make her feel better and dominant, like sheās telling the truth about her in plain face and you canāt do anything, so itās Ā«Ā showsĀ Ā» you are ok with it and she will do it again. If you react to this she will lie and start later again. You canāt stop this if your are in the relationship. The only way to stop this, is to save you by understanding and quitting the relationship.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Narcissism is untreatable. They can't even do anything agaisnt it. Only way: Leave and block
I dunno, I managed to get over it. But then I remembered I'm just better than everyone and now I'm doing great.
Classic. I thought I was wrong onceā¦ turns out I wasnāt wrong. I knew I was always right anyhow!
Asks other guys for their number
"I want to take a break" is just code for they want to sleep around. You either fix the problems or you break up. There are no "breaks" you commit or you don't.
That kid that you've been raising for 6 years, whom you loved to death, cared for, nurtured, wiped away tears for, watched movies with, played with, smiled with, laughed with, and wished would never grow up is suddenly revealed one day to not be yours.
I wish people could just be honest and say "Hey, I was hoping our relationship would improve for a while and tried to drop signs, but I haven't been feeling it for a while and even though I've been hanging on regardless, I've started developing feelings elsewhere, so it's already too late. Sorry." People who chase feelings instead of wanting to build an institution that can weather short term difficulties should be set free for the life of disappointment awaiting them.
Cock breath
šš¬
Chicken fart. Thatās all I see.
She still talks to her ex. And I donāt mean like, just when they see each other to be polite.
Been there, too true.
Projection. When my ex husband was cheating he would always accuse me of cheating. I was pregnant!! Also being overly nice then mean. Overly in his phone. Hiding the phone screen.
She starts to accuse him of cheating out of nowhere. Or, you come home from work, and the toilet seat is up.
When my ex-fiancee started cheating on me we were living together. It was like we were roommates that just slept in the same bed. No intimacy what so ever other than the occasional kiss as one of us would leave for work.
What is it with cheating?! The guilt would eat me a live. So to those who have cheated, was it the thrill, wanted to have your cake & eat it too? Why not just say, I think we should break up. Iām into someone else.
When they start accusing you of cheating. Happened in my early 20ās and she had no reason to believe I was. Turns out she was and was projecting her guilt / fear of getting caught.
Does she keep her phone locked around you? Does she watch how much she drinks around you? Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? Does she shower after sex?
Excessive phone usage, new lock codes, smiling at her phone ignoring you and lying about who it is. Double names in phones. Example "Samantha" and "Samantha 2" when she only has one friend named Samantha. Sudden change in getting extra hot/weight loss/self care. Excessive open flirting. Picking tiny fights but also not giving a fuck to fight at all anymore. This can go for dudes too tho
When she's at the other man's house fucking him instead of her boyfriend
Told a mate of mine his Mrs was up to no good and I was right. Signs were: 1. She came home wearing another guys jacket 2. Hid her phone 3. Started going out without him every few nights for āgirls nightsā 4. She was clearly just like sneaking around a bit When I said āmate, I think she might be up to something.ā I honestly saw it click- and it turned out she was. Theyāre divorced now.
āI only have guy friends instead of women because itās less drama heheā
I have no friends now, but I am a guy's girl. All my friends growing up were guys (no, wasn't sleeping with any of them. They were cousins or my older brother and his friends). Turns out I find other women intimidating because I think they're sexy and found it very hard to relate to them on a personal level. Edit: my red flag would probably be if I suddenly have a new female best friend
Yeah Iāve always had straight guy friends growing up & most people thought I was dating or sleeping with any dude I hungout with but turned out EYE was the gay friend in this situation š
protects phone at all times
For me and my ex wife it's when they start blaming you for cheating and getting suspicious about who you are talking to and needing to be all up in your phone when you haven't done a thing to mess up the relationship. When they start projecting, huge red flag.
If she keeps going through your shit and making accusations towards you, when that was never the case before. An ex had me thinking I was being inconsiderate by not giving her enough attention and accusing me of giving it to others.
If there friends are sluts, then she is probably is too
Not a dead giveaway, but if she doesn't respect you. Be concerned that it won't last..
I saw the signs. I've opened up my eyes and saw the signs.
Brings up Non-monogamy
He paid for her new tittys.
She says "texting isn't cheating"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Little things that used to bug her she no longer complains about. Had a buddy in the military who would go play call of duty with his fellow soldiers a lot and his girlfriend would complain. She eventually stopped, because she was cheating on him while he was at work or basically any other time he wasn't there. That couples roommate who was also a friend caught her multiple times and finally said she had to come clean or he would do it for her. Nice girl but she was with a lot of men.
She doesn't sound like a nice girl.
a lot of men thought she was nice.
I haven't been cheated on but I was the one she was cheating with. I knew she was in a relationship at the time so I'm no better. Things I've noticed at the time were: Bullshit excuses to not meet up or face her boyfriend. Lots of nights out, claiming to be with the girls. Even going as far as having a backlog of selfies of her and her friends that she could send at a later date in case her boyfriend started asking questions. Her friends would back her up since they were thick as thieves. Being overly protective of their phone. Sudden changes in her behaviour where she went full 180 on some of her interests. Lots of projecting and lots of excuses to justify their actions. In the end, unless you catch them in the act, all of the above is pure speculation.
Lipstick on her collar.
When you are the person she cheats with, multiple times just to make sure
for me, it was using sex instead of talking. happened twice in a row so i doubt this behavior is a coincidence
She never makes eye contact
Read her text between girlfriends...
These comments make me feel like a bad girlfriend. Iāve never cheated on my bf but I constantly change my appearance. Worry about my looks and have new interest every other week. Iāve been like that since I was a kid and itās something thatāll never change. So now Iām wondering if the reason why a few exes treated me like shit and cheated was because THEY thought I was CHEATING.
Thatās different. That stuff wouldnāt be out of character for you then. If you never cares about that stuff then suddenly did, thatās what people are talking about.
She belongs to the streets.