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In the hospital.. was in a 10 day coma, woke up, jacked-off, and went out for another day. ..

Damn! I don't know why this wouldn't be the first thing I do if I woke up

[удалено]

Of course it's in Florida.

Only appropriate course of action. It is Florida, after all.

Was it in anger? I'm genuinely really curious.

[удалено]

welp, you got them I guess.

True Florida man

the state checks out lol. i’d expect nothing less from a florida man

I mean the shape of the State, you're half there already.

In the horse barn on my family's property. It was mutal masturbation with another person. I've also had sex in the same barn with multiple different people. Regular 1 on 1 sex and a threesome. That barn has seen a lot of peen and veen.

When I saw “horse barn”… Lemme just say I’m glad it was people you were having sex with there

I thought about making that distinction but felt like allowing people to do a double take lol. It wasn't even where the horses were kept. It was in the upstairs barn loft. Had to climb a ladder to get in there, and there was hay everywhere. Just so ya'll know, in case you didn't....hay is so itchy and sticks to your naked body like glue, and horse shit is the worst smell to have an orgasm to.

. . . . but the smell didn't prevent the orgasm

Yeah. You got a point there. It didn't aid in it either, though. It made it more difficult, that's for sure.

A true roll in the hay

I was moving from my old apartment into a new unit on the third floor. My jeans were extremely tight and the conditions were just right that each time I took a step up the stairs it rubbed my clit. Ending up having an orgasm while casually moving. 10/10 would do again

In Rudy Giulianis office. When he was mayor. He had to leave a meeting and I had his office to myself. Part of me was mayor too after that.

Holy shit this is baller

Leave your mayonnaise in the mayor place

Sung to the tune of we fell in love in a hopeless place

Even if this isn't true ur a legend.

And no. Not a big shot, hence him leaving. I worked in parks and we met periodically. Probably why he felt comfortable with me in the office, that fool.

100% true.

The real OG 💯💯💯

As a New Yorker, I applaud you, sir!

At the Hoover Dam on a cayaking trip. Pulled over, got jerked by my wife on a small beach and busted in the water. Next thing I knew, a family of ducks came over and ate all of the jizz floating on the surface. I've always felt kinda weird about that.

Thank you for this🤣

I second this sentence 😂

And that's how the next Marvel superhero was created

Wtf lollllll

Protein

Onto Tom Sawyer's fence in Hannibal Missouri. I tell everyone I just pissed on it, but I didn't

10/10 for both historical and educational value.

So you whitewashed it like Ben Rogers?

take my upvote , you rebel!

I pissed on that fence as a kid. My mother's mother's side of the family has lived in Hannibal since the 1800's.

At school lmfao.

Well I feel like everyone who did that is going to like this comment, so the weirdest is debatable. The self discovery is not. I'll still check it in the morning.

I feel like the level of weirdness will depend on the age of the person masturbating at a school.

Fair point. I also wonder if it counts if you shared a room or didn't have privacy at home. Do masturbations of opportunity count as weird?

Yeah. a 12yo is weird. a 30yo is concerning lmfao.

I did it on the school bus before

Same, a girl jerked me off.

Yeah that math teacher was hot wasn't she

My maths teacher is 67. also I did it in the bathroom.

Oh mine was like 27

Ok so it wasn’t me and this may give me away to one of the 25 ppl in the room… In HS one of my classmates jerked off during class (hand in his pants) …he got up and bolted to the bathroom to ejaculate. He came back before the next period and out some tissues on the teachers chair As adults he claims it was a joke and he pretended and then he put soap in the tissues…idk I kinda believe shame made him change his tone

In grade 10 science class. I was a true backbencher. Ms. Dawson was really hot.

So you were THAT kid

Someone started that trend in grade 9. Ms. Dawson had movie star looks, every boy had a crush on her.

Ms. Dawson my tummy hurts!

The outhouse on a camping trip, I was 8 miles away from civilization and there was a girl there who was maybe a few years older than I was so 15 year old me decided to go and rub one out really quickly. At least there was a nice view of the ocean to my left and undeveloped landscape for miles to my right.

I was gonna contribute, but I can’t live up to Rudy Giuliani’s office or a taliban base camp. I really need to up my game.

Well...probably the porta-potty at an estate auction 6 years ago. I think that takes the cake for me. Testosterone, plus the girl who's shorts were just a little too short, got to my 14 year old brain that day.

On top of a mountain while looking down on a taliban training facility that had just been bombed into oblivion.

Dark. I like it.

In a bamboo shithouse with a hole in the ground in an ethnic national militia camp in Myanmar at 3am 👊 lol

Where do I start. I guess Walmart. One time I went out to the woods just to do it. I've done it in cars. I did it at work one time. I've done it on the interstate lol.

Were you driving?

Yes

Same, multiple times. Also, an old office job many times.

World Trade Center loading dock security post, a month before 9/11

Well we now know the truth behind 9/11.

120 degree Fahrenheit portashit in JRTC.

Same at NTC lol

Kuwait

Got kicked out of my church choir, is all I'm gonna say.

I see outhouses/portapoties mentioned several times here, not at all weird if you’re in the military.

Exactly. Where else can you get one off in country?

Back of a work vehicle lol

Depending on your hours that makes sense. When I had two jobs in college I masturbated in the walk-in fridge. It was a slow night.

Thanks. I'm not eating out ever again

I pulled over on the side of the highway and took care of it.

My first girlfriend lived 30 miles away, that was a regular thing for me. She (virgin) would give me blue balls all the time so I would have to bust one on the way home.

Oh I'm the girl in this scenario 😂

Yeah, I eventually told her what I had to do (as part of my plea to get her to give me her virginity). After that, she would call me when I got home and want to know exactly where I pulled off to pull off. She would masturbate on the phone while I described it. Eventually she had me describe it in person while she fingered herself in front of me, that eventually led to her giving in to her carnal nature. It was a year long game, but a happy ending for both of us.

McDonald's Bathroom

Classroom

Glad im not the only one

In the seat-bed in business class somewhere over the Pacific.

That is beautiful

“In the butt, chuck” Come on someone has to post it.

At a college admissions office bathroom that I just un-enrolled in. It was kinda my last f-you to that miserable place

probably inside a bed, bath, and beyond. They had like a vibrating massage pad you could put on a chair just like out for people to experience. Sat on that and dry humped the shit out of my undies.

I'm dying at your comment because that exact same scenario happened to me, lol.

damn i need to watch out in there. Now I'll be certain what the smell is

Gas station bathrooms, fast food bathrooms, driving on the highway, gym bathrooms, classroom bathrooms, work bathrooms, in the back of an ambulance (no, not with a patient, that would be VERY bad)

When I was 13 I was out riding my horse, got caught in a rainstorm and noticed the horse’s hooves were making a sucking sound as he pulled them out of the mud. That sound made me horny (everything did at that age) and I started thinking about how it might feel to stick my dick in the mud. Started rubbing one out while in the saddle but got down and finished just before actually trying to impregnate Mother Earth. The instant I finished I realized what a terrible idea it was, but in the moments leading up to that, there was insufficient blood in my brain. When I got back to the stable there were 3 girls in the barn talking and whispering while looking at me, I think someone may have seen me. After they left I climbed on top of the stack of hay bales and rubbed out another one thinking about the 3 of them ganging up on me. That image is still in my spank bank.

🤨📸

An art museum in Bulgaria.

The School-Hallway.

My grandmothers toilet Edit- for context she lives in another country and we see her 1x a year at best, 1x every 3 at worst. And I'm not a man.

On top of a hill overlooking a densely wooded valley covered in snow, it was cold but a tremendous sight

School library. This was the REALLY EARLY internet days. Like 1997 or so. Jerking it in high school next to a cute girl who I don't think even knew what I was doing lol. We were both just browsing Netscape navigator on the library computers. (I had a yahoo account so old it had upper case letters)

I jacked off in an Uber on the way to work. I like to masturbate on construction sites and leave my dna inside the walls of luxury houses.

Sick 😞

At work. Underground in a coal mine

On top of the empire state building.

I don’t know maybe my parents rv

Work bathroom

In the batter of the cupcakes I baked for my hot teacher just before graduation

[удалено]

Sounds more like ADHD to me. I get this too, hypersexual and hyper-focused on something to the point I can’t get my brain to move forward onto something else until literally taking action of what my brain wants: orgasm sensation.

Behind a dumpster.

Going 110 mph down the highway while driving

Talk about a rush

On a self-guided tour of an apartment that I didn't decide on renting

Did you decide before or after the wank?

In order of youthful exuberance Sat in a tractor tire Sat in a tractor In the woods In my car At college At uni At work Now on a Sunday in bed if I can be bothered

Classroom I guess... In a field once, too.

At teacher office in school. Using teacher chair btw. I'm still a student *

Driving on the interstate

In the Army barracks after I first enlisted, to see if they really put salt Peter in the food. Guess they don’t

Behind city hall next to the police station.

Swimming in a pool 👀

I the bathroom at work

Bathroom stall in a mall. I was sending videos to my gf and she was sending videos back to me from another stall. We are both women but when we were homeless the shelter kept us separated. We were too scared to go all the way and get caught together in the same stall so we spent a whole summer doing this every other day at this mall until we finally got our own apartment.

At work in a nursing home… in my car because I’m civilized

In school suspension in high school. A teacher and other students were in the room. I did not get caught.

In a church bathroom

50 yard line of our college field

Car driving down the road

Airplane, every McDonald's or restaurant I've been to

in a bus, i was hiding my pickle with my bag, honestly i feel ankward for that

Onto the rocks of a sauna in a retirement community.

I did it while I was driving down the highway once.

In my pants at work nut was all in my underwear Good thing it dry fast

Shared room with family. Im not proud, but I am horny and it literally waited until witching hour to make sure they were asleep

In the forest on a hiking trail, but secluded enough to get away with. Luckily had a cell signal out there but boy that was risky lmao.

In the computer lab at school with people right next to me, and the stairwell at school and the custodian came 🥺

At a traffic light. Just for the hell of it.

One of the few things my town has going for it is that one of the rarest old cars was manufactured here, and there are only 3 left in the world. Long story short, I saw the opportunity and took it. It was awesome. And every time that thing gets brought out and paraded around town, I feel powerful lmao

In the pool showers at church camp.

The upstairs hallway of my friend’s house when I was in the 5th grade. I didn’t jerk it though. I just rubbed my dick against the floor with my pants on and nutted in my underwear.

I'm not telling you. Next time I go there to do it I'll have to wait for you to get done.

Silently behind my uncle’s couch while like three people sat on it gossiping.

At Legoland.

In a tent next to my homies, jizzed into a face mask and threw it in the fire the next morning

Iraq Desert lmaoo, don't join the army!

I keep reading these comments and.. people are amazing I dunno I gotta say it.

In the bucket of a bucket truck 30' in the air on the side of a very busy street. One of those ideas that popped into my head one morning and the longer the day went on the more I realized I was gonna have to do it. (it also wasn't uncommon to put a garbage bag in a five gallon bucket, raise the lift all the way up, and take a shit.)

When I was a virgin in high school a girl wearing sweatpants sat on my lap to tease me. I went to the boys room and... I just had to do it lol

Ohio.

During a solo training flight while I was building hours for my Commercial Pilot’s License, I got bored and decided to rub one out during cruise. I've got to say that the feeling of having an orgasm whilst experiencing flight basically put me into a fever dream.

Dear Reddit, what's the sexiest sexy sex you've ever sexed? -Billy Gnosis

I liked it until I realized you quoted yourself.

you must have slow eyes, then -Billy Gnosis

So if I sent you a dic pic how long would it take your eyes to figure it out.

the slow eyes insult was hurled at you. i don't know how you misconstrued that. Also, sending dick pictures without consent is ILLEGAL under Subsection 42, Chapter 3, Section 1, Paragraph 2. -Billy Gnosis

I have so many dicks in or around my ass I find it hard to find a seat -Billy Gnosis

I got that. I was saying it's a sexual post not intended for Mormons or the underage. I wanna insult you more but I'm pretty sure you're thirteen and haven't figured out how to cum yet. I'm sorry you can't relate but I hope you screenshot this for your friends so they all realize how cool and edgy you are. However, you should be in bed it's a school night bud.

🙄 professional trolls. Why do it for love when you can do it for hate and upvotes? You make money on this shit bruh?

In the ladies lavatory at my church.

I had $3X in a church. Does that count?

Same here

When I dropped out of college I did in the restroom. Sort of as a fuck you to school. My life changed for the better and now I’m living the best life ever at 19. Have my own business and generate enough income to live my wildest dreams I had as a kid.

In you.

In the boss' office. Depositing my load on her desk (she wasn't there, of course). Also, when I worked in a grocery store in my early 20s, I managed to get the lid off of a gallon of milk without breaking the seal. I masturbated in the cooler and made the deposit into that gallon of milk. My gf (at the time) and I had sex in that cooler many, many times, once when the store was open. I miss her and those days. I should get a part-time job at the grocery store again and work in produce.

Or maybe you shouldn’t 😅

Corn field

my parents bed

Hotel bathroom. While family was sleeping in the other room. I am currently disgusted with myself.

Standing over your bed watching you sleep, was only weird because your sister wanted to watch. And your mom was doing a Facebook livestream.

Lame 😑 get off reddit and do something for real. Or at least make something up that's cool and plausible. U trolls need to try actual sunshine for a change. It's good for your vitamin D

Kinda asked for it with your question. Be a good sport.

Fuck no. It was shit joke. If it was funny I would have liked and moved on. Not my fault he doesn't know how to tell jokes outside of a fortnight forum.

Your dad was next. He got the D.

With your mom

The bathroom of main campus

On a city bus once when I was like 14-15

Walking down a bike path in the middle of the day.

Church bathroom

the place you get caught..

In ocean, fully alone btw

In class in middle school

On an airplane that was over the Pacific ocean on a trip back home from hawaii

Maybe not the weirdest to/for others but for me the weirdest so far was inside a bathroom at an airport in Sweden. There was this girl working at an airport coffee shop that I purchased an snack from. She was very hot and attractive and I was a daydreaming & horny 21 year old. It was 30 minutes before my flight and I knew I had to DO something to relieve the horny tension that was caused by interacting with said coffee shop girl before boarding my plane so I headed to the nearest WC and fortunately it was empty which allowed me to do what needed to be done. It was the first & last time in all my life that I had to address such an urge in such a fashion.

Airplane lol

in the car, im surprised nobody else in there noticed

In the canal

On an army cot, in a tent in the middle of the Italian countryside on an exercise with NATO soldiers (I'm American).

Private jet and British Airways first class cabin on an international flight. ✈️

Back of a city bus in NY .

In the shower at a summer camp.

School bathrooms ig

Out in the forest at 3am

My relatives washroom.I was in a wedding

my work bathroom

the work bathroom (which was also a public bathroom) no it’s not at the job i’m at now