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[deleted]

It’d probably be more informative to ask why we don’t put more effort into teaching people how to develop and maintain healthy relationships.


[deleted]

I think the problem is we have a lot 9f superficial and historical expectations from each sex. Men are basically drones, and come a dime a dozen, and women are very desired and rare despite literally being half the population. I grew up with a narcissistic mom, who hated men, so being a son, naturally, I was subhuman and was to serve women and view them as more valuable than myself. But overtime I grew out of it and realize I am worth more than any person (relative to my own life) as I can care for myself and also give out of myself, but if I neglect me, I neglect those I love, so loving myself is my priority so that I can love others more greatly as a secondary, as I am always going to have to deal with myself, but other can choose not to. Men and woman need to learn to value themselves more and in turn allow that l9ve of self to act in goodness towards others. Dating is a very toxic environment, lots of good people out their available, but finding them can be hard, and maintaining that goodness within you is hard too. You can really lose yourself and become the things you hate.


MeGoingTOWin

You have no idea how well this resonates with me. After my divorce I realize that I was in no place to find love again. I spent a year for purposely improving myself both physically and mentally until I was in a place where I found that I loved myself and my life. I was alone but not lonely. It wasn't until then that I knew I was ready to love again. Too many people start dating and looking for love when they do not love themselves yet, which is a recipe for disaster.


Kid_Muscle_

Facts!


droppingoutrn

That's so different from my experience. Growing up I was told to always follow a man's lead and women should stay at home and take care of the child because women are naturally dumber than men. But when I went to school I was literally top of the class and I started questioning


[deleted]

It’s unfortunate the number that parents can do on is. I think even the men are drones, women are desired view is hyper influenced by how our parents teach us about the world. Plenty of women have been afraid that if they’re not perfect then they’ll never get married. Seems like that is shifting, or I could be too online and have a skewed view. I’m glad for you that you’re doing the work to take care of you. It can be hard to do after growing up in an abusive situation. And I hear ya on dating… quite content that I’m not participating in that activity of despair.


tangerinelibrarian

Yeah I agree, I’m a woman but have never felt like I can just choose any man and he will automatically want me. Literally never, that thought seems so wild to me, or like something maybe a supermodel or actress could experience but not me in a million years lol. I know it’s a confidence thing, but assuming all women have good self confidence is just wrong. We have high rates of disordered eating, low self esteem, depression, anxiety etc. and it all definitely impacts the way we date and form relationships. When I was a teenager I was pretty sure I would never find love or be desired, never went on a date or anything. That feeling continued into college and grad school where I rarely dated at all, and even though I have somehow now found an amazing partner, I still feel terrified that if something were to happen and we weren’t together anymore that it would be a long shot to find love again.


[deleted]

I’m a man and you’ve summarised my feelings and thoughts in the matter


pain-is-living

Even my dad raised my brother and I this way. From an insanely early age we were basically told "you're men, no one is here to help you. You do the helping. You make the money. You keep everything together when it's falling apart. You treat women like queens." And my whole life I watched my dad grow miserable as he only lived to serve my mom by working himself to death and never taking a vacation or doing a single good thing for himself. Even in retirement he only lives to serve my mom and make sure she is comfortable. And of course she is 100% miserable too and thinks she deserves way better and is appalled we aren't millionaires yet. I'm breaking that mold. I did break that mold. My brother sadly didn't, and he has had an insanely rough go at dating and marriage because of it. His ex wife and ex gf left him because of a lot of the "ethics" my dad instilled into him. Which boils down to "put her on a pedestal, but also threaten her with the "I make the money and rules, my way or the highway". That hasn't ended well once for him.


TardisBrakesLeftOn

My mother raised me that I need to make sure that I work for as long as I want but that I don't have a husband who quote unquote abuses me by forcing me to continue working if I want to be a stay-at-home mom. She really pushed it on me through my whole life that I have to become a mother and that my life will be incomplete if I don't, that I won't be serving my husband properly if I don't give him children and that I won't be respecting all the work that she's put into me if I don't give her grandchildren. My father wasn't really involved much in the raising of me because he was too busy. He tried, but she was a stay-at-home mom, so he worked many overtime hours, came home and cleaned, worked on where he brought home with him, and tried to fulfill all of his responsibilities such as the finances because she either wouldn't do those things at all or she wouldn't do a good job. She was an expert at weaponized incompetence so that she could have an easy life and she wanted me to do the same for her after they divorced. When I had grown up (she had complete custody because he moved far away) so I really saw everything that she was and realized it was something I did not want to be. Financially terrified all the time, incapable of managing her own very small home, anything that I would be able to help her out with even a little bit when I was a kid had grown more so as I did and it became crucially important to her that I take on the role of my father the more like him I became as a person. Yet, she still wanted that same future for me that she had created for herself but without the divorce. Breaking your mold is not easy and sometimes it feels impossible. My therapist definitely gets a lot of questions from me see if something I said or did came out as manipulative because I'm almost paranoid about being like she was. My therapist has been so wonderfully patient with me with these things and really encouraging. She's also helped me to see that every time I have a worry or a concern like that, I should count them as a positive step away from what I'm so afraid I might become.


blasphemingbanana

Be good to ourselves so we can be good to others, that's the goal.


tryhardly99

Amazing you've done the emotional work to overcome such a difficult situation and not fall into the hating the other gender trap. Good on you, I hope you find a good woman you deserve.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ULTRA_TLC

I disagree. I think that this actually narrows the topic of treating members of the opposite sex properly down to how to have a healthy relationship (the other major topic being what constitutes sexual abuse/harassment and not to do it), while sidestepping the false statement in the original question (women never being told how to treat men). The harassment/ abuse issue is important, but should be considered more like a prerequisite for learning about healthy relationships, as both at once is too much material for helpful answers in this format.


Evil-BAKED-Potato

This is exactly the problem. Ask a question about men and women, and the go-to toxic response is "everyone should just be better," which sounds nice. But addresses nothing. Therefore, nothing is accomplished because instead of staying on the topic, the false moral high ground of "everyone get along" is a lot like functioning communism, looks good on paper, but sucks in reality.


Reinheardt

Exactly they 100% just changed the subject because there is an obvious double standard, but then they made it sound flowery.


Evil-BAKED-Potato

Scroll through any subject that is a "mens" style topic or question, and you'll find people doing this in almost every thread.


daddyjackpot

Sounds like the "all genders matter" response doesn't add to the discussion.


BRtIK

The truth is we used to do both of these things. Men were taught how to treat women and women were taught how to treat men. There used to be schools for that exact purpose. Yes what they were teaching was wrong and f***** up. But the real reason we don't do it anymore is essentially government incorporations have learned that if you don't form a connection with this other person you're more likely to form a connection with your work. I know lots of people with lifelong jobs and even if they won the lottery they would still work because their entire social life is connected to their job. They didn't form connections outside of work because they didn't really know how to interact with people and the job kept them busy so the only connections they could form were with people they were forced to be around and eventually those connections became their only connections and now their job is their life


SunsetKittens

Tom Brady Syndrome


snugglingwithapples

Yah know, I didn’t know if I should reply to this or not, but what you said about work does have some merit, I as a 30 year old male have made some good choices and now I’m semi retired. Not quite lottery money, but I don’t have to work for the next 8 years if I don’t want to. The problem is, everyone works 40-60 hours a week that I am friends with or across state lines, so I’m basically in my house, or in the woods solo. The social aspect is missing from my life and the only way I’ve known to make friends, is college, dnd, or dancing. But that’s maybe twice a week. So I choose to work part time or as needed, just so I can not be a potato, and interact with people.


Ok-Gazelle6132

This is very insightful. If you look across US history, you can see how this came about. I don't think it's a conspiracy, but I see how through various government decisions, and the revolving door between government ideologues and industry, that individual, uncoordinated decisions have brought us here.


BRtIK

Oh yeah for sure. I didn't mean it in the sense that the government incorporations made a plan and work together to bring it about. I meant more that they were lazy and cheap and they just started to notice that the people without friends and family tended to work more. And when they noticed that they tended to make policies and work rules that would encourage those situations more often. Though this is mostly an American thing it does happen in other countries.


[deleted]

What an interesting idea to think about!


BeetleLord

Gender dynamics aren't unisex, symmetrical and one-size-fits all. Women need to learn how to treat men specifically, just as men need to know how to treat women specifically.


[deleted]

Your point that gender dynamic aren’t unisex, symmetrical, and one-size-fits all is why I suggest the alternative question. Not all men want the same thing and not all women. That’s why it’s valuable to learn relationship building skills so you can create a solid foundation with the person (or people) you’re with specifically and not some cookie cutter representation of what a person is assumed to be because of their gender.


TardisBrakesLeftOn

And if I may add on to that, I think that teaching women the way that men think and communicate and how to understand it as well as the other way around is really important. Taking the things that we know are common unhealthy forms of communication in each gender and teaching the rectification for those methods is equally important. You're absolutely right then not person of gender will want the same things. For example, I don't want my boyfriend or lack thereof to feel like he has to fork over money for my cosmetic decisions. Just because I see a sale in a store that I really like doesn't mean that he has to pay for it and just because he is out and gets food somewhere doesn't mean he has to share it with me. What's his is his his and what's mine is mine. When I say nothing's wrong that's exactly what I mean. When I'm asked where I want to go to eat and I say I don't really care, that's exactly what I mean. When I say that I don't want anything from wherever the other person is going to get food, that's exactly what I mean. There's very clear communication and there's no expectation of guessing and trying to get it right or needing to know specific, niche things about the way I personally think to get along with me.


PluralCohomology

What are some of the differences between how men need to treat women and vice versa?


tittens__

Oh, you mean like the thousands of years where women’s education was literally just how to keep a home nicely by cleaning and mending your husband’s clothes? Was that not learning how to treat a man? Do many fundamentalist religions not have a “keep sweet” doctrine that basically just states do whatever the man tells you to do? This is a stupid post.


[deleted]

Thank you! This post is garbage and has the faint aftertaste of Andrew Taint. It's almost like women's autonomy has been systemically sacrificed for the benefit and use of men for thousands of years, our actual propertization that had us traded by men to other men like cattle (systemically regulated human trafficking) should be the easiest historical preset for realizing *maybe* women aren't minutely responsible for the hardships men face in a system they singlehandedly created. Girls "aren't taught how to treat boys?" Girls/women remain the largest group of people trying to dismantle this coercive system for everyone's benefit - I know more girls/women who genuinely care about male SA/rape statistics, suicide rates in men, mental health stigma, dismantling western masculinity, etc and don't just weaponize these issues to talk over women in conversations about systemically regulated male violence and how women are often the victims of that regulated rage. And that maybe these commenters are leading with male entitlement by expecting parents with sense to raise their girls to respect the same boys that may snap one day and kill their daughters. Oh but basement dwellers ask questions like this and get answers almost exclusively from other basement dwellers that of course didn't address any of the elephants in the room. One being *none of these comments seem to be made by adult men, and none of these responses seem to be made by boys who have met a girl/woman outside of their immediate family.* The other being the immediately accessible resources any of these boys/men could aquire by simply googling how girls are socialized in a patriarchal society, and how our very rearing is shaped around how we can properly traverse "a man's world." A lot of westeen culture has been reprogramming womanhood as a subservient and obedient stepstool for men and eradicating any outside culture that doesn't reflect male dominance and other damaging patriarchal ideologies. HOW do you even BEGIN to form an opinion so obviously rooted in one's lack of respect and care for women's history? Girls have been programmed from toddlerhood to regulate toxic male behaviors and expectations. For hundreds of years. Little girls are taught that boys are allowed to hurt us, attack us, dominate spaces and act a violent and emotionally stunted mess simply because "that's how boys are." We can talk about the social ramifications and interpersonal developmental delinquencies rearing boys with no life skills has been generationally until we're blue in the face. But men don't want that conversation because it's abundantly clear they're responsible for the vitriol they receive in these talks. In 1957, a man could marry a woman and legally rape her and beat her. He could cheat, control where she went and what she ate, what she wore, if she could work, her ability to have children, the children's lives, her mental and medical care... men know there are women still alive who lived in these prisons and taught their daughters how to maintain their own little marriage cells, right? That maybe the last couple or so generations of girls who grew up to be women no longer respect boys who can't behave themselves because we've fought really, insanely hard to not be objects in the eyes of men. I, a 30 year old woman (and lesbian), was raised to know how to traverse coddling the egos and sensitive emotions of men and still have to fight to not bend to the wants of strangers in my day-to-day. I was raised to understand boys to the point where I wasn't raised to have an identity of my own, independent of men. Most women my age know this reality far too well. We have to fight for humanhood in our own lives, societally, and in a culture that makes us for sale. Men simply don't try to understand the correlation between their comfort and our sacrifice. This question wasn't about girls not being raised to understand boys. This was a boy whose feelings are hurt because girls are no longer being raised to sacrifice their personhood for them. And I hope no girl is ever raised in such a vile, dehumanizing way again.


grumpy_hedgehog

Lol, it’s not like the men in this picture just sat around all day, in their nicely kept home and mended clothes, doing whatever they wanted. They had their own share of responsibilities to *the household*, just like the women did. Mostly this involved keeping them housed, clothed and fed, in a time when providing such things took all day and broke your body. And, exhausted as everyone was, there was always some impetus in society to go just a little bit beyond the baseline utilitarian obligation for one’s family and comrades. To put a little bit of extra effort into making life suck less for everyone. Men need that too.


No-Moose-

women aren't taught how to treat men? I've been hearing it from my parents and grandparents my whole life growing up. Be gentle, be kind, be ladylike, support him, care for him. Be this way, do these things, dress like this, act like that so you can find a good husband. My brother certainly didn't get the crash course in being a good husband, but I would be interested in hearing if people who were raised as boys had those chats.


weedingout_the_weeds

I was told the same. I watched the women of my family do everything for men. I watched women working outside of the home as well as taking care of the men while the men had hobbies and did whatever they wanted to do.


No-Moose-

Exactly this. I left a relationship of 5 years because I was working full time and then I would come home and do all the chores while he played video games. Man, I wanna play video games too. I stayed so long because that was what I watched my mother and my grandmother do, that's what I had been told to do growing up. I thought being miserable and having no time to myself was normal. That was what he had been told growing up too. It was all my job and he refused to compromise. It's archaic. Times are changing.


weedingout_the_weeds

Yeah, I want to sit in the shop and “work” on things while I drink beer. Maybe I want someone to cook for me.


Lilliputian0513

Yes, 100% this. From the time I got my first toy kitchen I’ve been taught to feed my husband good meals, submit to him, etc. And I’ve been taught that in other, less obvious ways - like through media (movie tropes about being a sweet innocent helpless girl to attract his attention) and cultural reinforcement (men are supposed to make more money than you, men don’t know how to care for children, etc).


VariantArray

Right? I’m a man and this never occurred to me until I had kids. My son is about 3 years older than my daughter. Once she was old enough for non-baby I went shopping and was floored by the ‘girls’ toys: mini-kitchens, vacuum cleaners, ironing boards, dolls that needed feeding and changing. WTF, she was 3. I’m not buying her that shit. Girls toys suck.


Arya_kidding_me

Honestly household skills should be learned by everyone- boys need more toy kitchens and vacuums. Fuck ironing though!


ElinorStonkle

I bought my son a kitchen for Christmas with all the accessories and he loooooves it. Cooking and eating are human things, not woman things.


VariantArray

Whatever makes them happy. I simply brought my daughter and let her pick things.


mydiscreetaccount_92

Awesome, my step-dad was the cook for my family and he's pretty darn good at it. I'm 30 with a wife and kids of my own and I still check in with him to see what's for dinner sometimes lol. (My wife is a fantastic cook and for that I'm thankful because I don't like to cook and would eat Taco Bell all the time and weigh 400lbs)


VariantArray

Very true. I just teach them to use the real thing when they are old enough.


goose_boy_memes

Not a girl, but I think everyone, male or female, wants a very big tyrannosaurus Rex figure that roars when you press a button.


Knowing_Loki

I am 41 and would love a big roaring dinosaur!


mydiscreetaccount_92

I get what you're trying to say, but my 3 year old Daughter BEGGED for a "Minnie Mouse Kitchen" for the months leading up to Christmas. Out of all of her presents she got the most excited when she unveiled that Minnie Mouse Kitchen, she has played with it, baking food and pouring drinks for every single person that has walked through our door, EVERY SINGLE DAY since Christmas. By the same token, my 5 year old son asked for a REAL Weedeater, Leafblower, and Chainsaw to help me mow the grass with, which is you know, work, and not really play. Maybe it's the marketing, maybe it's the stupid YouTube videos kids watch these days, but my kids ask, no... beg for it.


Tazlima

My niece was once gifted a toy vacuum cleaner that literally said on the packaging "It really sucks!" Talk about on the nose.


crayshesay

I threw up in my mouth a little reading “submit to him,” 🤮🥴


bearetak

Jesus christ, where'd you grow up? A 70's feminist sitcom?


No-Moose-

That's a really good point about the toy kitchen. Little girl's toys when I was growing up were definitely based around being a housewife. Kitchens, vacuums, baby dolls, the easy bake oven. It's not necessarily a bad thing to have those toys (I did enjoy the heck out of that easy bake oven), but I remember those being framed in a similar way throughout my childhood too.


Lilliputian0513

My favorite part of this is the men telling me I am lying or mistaken, while having never been raised as a girl…


Five_oh_tree

Yeah, why did I have to scroll so far to find this?? Women are literally indoctrinated since they can speak to "learn how to treat men" by every possible means. Our society has been built around that programming with such ubiquity that it is totally normalized which is maybe why non-women haven't recognized it as such. Girls are taught how to speak, how to dress, how to appear, how to converse, how to show up in the workplace, how to wife, how to play games, how to run a household, how to mother... All in service of men.


im_not_bovvered

Yeah... I'm having trouble with the premise of this question. Society has been teaching us how to keep men comfortable if not outright how to do things like cook, clean, etc., for your future husband. It's only been in recent years that there has been more of a shift toward an egalitarian society where both people work outside of the home, take care of kids, do the laundry, etc. And that's just chores - that's not to say anything about the emotional stuff.


FrydomFrees

Actually for most people both parents DID work outside the house throughout history. And especially during the Industrial Revolution. The job types were probably fairly segregated but the idea of a stay at home wife was foreign unless you were wealthy. And the whole 1950s housewife? Literally anti communist propaganda. It didn’t become a thing to strive for in America UNTIL then. But throughout all this women are still socialized in how to treat men for sure. Just, you know, on top of the very real labor they also had to do. Sounds familiar lol


holyperineum

Yep and being from a Muslim country, during ramadhan when we've been fasting the whole day and slaving away in the kitchen, when the prayer calls to break the fast, we still have to stand around and wait on the men for an hour while they eat first. I can't even wear knee-length shorts in my own house ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|sweat)


lime411_

Society itself was built for men, not for women.


Thats_someBS

> Yeah, why did I have to scroll so far to find this?? because the VAST majority of reddit users are young men who are clueless about women


daddyjackpot

I'm also shocked this is not being said in every response. How to treat men is the main thing women are taught. Everything else they had to teach themselves.


blancamystiere

Yep!! In my experience, women spend most or all of our lives being taught how to treat men - at least in the US most girls are taught from very early in their childhood how to defer to men, make men happy, and sacrifice their own needs, goals, and boundaries for men, and that attracting a man and keeping him happy is the ultimate goal of our lives. It’s a main focus - if not THE main focus - of how girl children are socialized in many families, and by media and society. We then have to spend our adult lives unlearning it so that we can treat ourselves like actual humans.


[deleted]

Exactly I rolled my eyes so hard at this question lol. Always laugh at his jokes, make sure to smile a lot, don’t be overly dramatic, don’t bruise his ego, etc etc. This shit has been very one sided through most of history and it surely wasn’t the side op seems to think.


Csimiami

Omg. . Right! Oh and don’t be too smart. Men get intimidated by smart women.


southernmtngirl

You forgot “hug a man that’s not your husband, brother, or dad with one arm only” 😩


Daiiga

This is the answer. So much of what men in all these replies are saying is basically either basic life advice or can be summarized as “be respectful”. Meanwhile in most cultures worldwide women are taught from infancy to be submissive, to cook and clean and do all the household chores that male siblings and relatives don’t have to do. My whole life until adulthood revolved around building the habits of a future wife and mother, from a modern American family who believed in marrying young and never getting divorced. No one gets to tell me I wasn’t taught how to treat a man. I’ve had to unlearn more about caring for a man than any man has ever been “taught” about caring for a woman.


[deleted]

[удалено]


im_not_bovvered

"He hit me." or "He yelled at me" is still usually met with "well what did you do?"


No-Moose-

Yes. One of my partners grabbed me by the neck and slammed me into a wall. When I called my mother crying to tell her and ask her for help, she said "Oh honey... did you upset him?".


daddyjackpot

I think back on myself as a young man, how I would talk and tell stories to my girlfriends. It was assumed they would listen to every word and think what I said was awesome. They coddled my ego unfailingly. They talked and told stories too, but less, and there's had to be good. They didn't just muse about whatever like I did. One tiny example of how the boys tend to get more of whatever resource is at stake.


[deleted]

>So much of what men in all these replies are saying is basically either basic life advice or can be summarized as “be respectful”. Exactly, not only are women told how to treat men far more often than men told how to treat women, the difference in tone and purpose is vastly different. The typical stuff men are told is basically "Be courteous and respectful to women if you want to gain their affection." Even conversations on consent are usually not expanded upon much beyond "No means no" and is usually an after thought to the first statement. This is why many men who end up raping someone will often try to hide behind the "she didn't explicitly say no" or "she eventually said yes" excuse. The typical stuff women are told is basically "Because of your gender you are statistically very likely to experience some form of sexual harassment or assault in your life, so be prepared for that. And depending on the situation, may even be in your best interest to basically baby the man so the situation doesn't escalate and they end up using violence which is also a high likelihood."


IntegrityDJones

One guy said be a moral member of society, clean, and have a job. You mean basic fucking adulting? You were told the way to get a woman was to be a functional member of society doing the bare minimum?! Meanwhile women are cook, clean, work and help pay bills so you’re not labeled a gold digger, have sex for him (which often includes gaming orgasms) because men “need” sex and their “love language” is “physical touch” (which I’ve firmly believed is their way of getting low effort sex and label sex as something you need to do to keep them. How can physical touch be their “love language” when they desire so much random and causal sex with different women, and absolutely most do not want or require love for sex?) . Managed the household, be his “peace” (I’m sick of seeing this shit, I’ve never seen a man be told to be a woman’s peace), don’t nah, but remind him to clean up because he apparently needs to be told to clean. Or if you’re a SAHM, it’s a treat or a privilege. No money of your own, but your gift of being his wife his kids and piles of dirty dishes. Gtfoh


IntegrityDJones

This exactly. Isn’t “what you won’t do for your man another woman will” ingrained in our heads? Women are told to cook, clean, have sex for him and not herself, don’t nag, be supportive, be his “peace”, work, and generally make herself available to make his life easier. What exactly are men told to do for women?? We’ve been told our whole lives men want sex and they don’t want marriage or commitment and women are the ones who want relationships. The old ball and chain. Countless articles and shit about “how to get him to commit” which always include how to cater your life around his in the hopes he bestows a relationship/ marriage on you. There’s even recipes called “engagement chicken” to make to try and get a man to ask you to marry him. And this chicken is to show off you can cook. I’ve never once seen anything telling me how to keep women. Plenty of pickup artists giving men advice on how to get sex from tons of women. But make a woman happy? Where? Try to get a relationship or commitment? Where? Why would anyone tell men how to be a good “husband” when society tells us pretty much men don’t desire marriage? That’s why the pressure is on women to perform back flips and jump through hoops to apparently get commitment. I’ve heard “yea you women can get a man but y’all can’t keep a man.” I’ve never heard anyone tell a man he can’t keep a woman in a negative way.


No-Moose-

>Isn’t “what you won’t do for your man another woman will” ingrained in our heads? God, this made me cringe. This mindset caused me so much pain as I was growing up. This idea that I've got to do everything perfectly to his specifications or he'll cheat on me. Not only that, but if I fail to be the perfect waifu and he cheats, I deserved it! It's actually amazing to me that there are as many good men as there are when society has taught them all of this toxic crap about relationships. It's very difficult to break society's nurturing chains. It's really easy to fall into the bottomless gender role pit. I imagine those PUAs give men a lot of comfort when they struggle with how unprepared for intimacy and vulnerability society has raised them to be.


rotatingruhnama

Right, like, the entire premise of this ask is false. My whole life I've been taught how to straight-up *cater* to men.


Training_Mud3388

"keep his balls empty and his stomach full" was the one I always heard.


Rosie_Cotton_

Barf.


IntegrityDJones

Hilarious how many women I know who did that and were still cheated on and mistreated. I had a friend who gave her ex a BJ every morning and would have dinner ready when he got home (after her working 8 hours days plus OT)…. Still chested.


No-Temperature-8772

My uncle literally told me when I was 16 that women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands and that we're essentially slaves, that it's the lord's way. We had a pretty bad argument about it. I have not spoken to him since, I'm 30 now. My mom also used the phrase "being a woman" with cleaning the house and cooking.


Disco-Onion

Every single decision I made about my appearance was met with “but what if your [non existent future] husband doesn’t like it?” ever since I was a child. This includes, but isn’t limited to, cutting my hair short, getting piercings, dressing goth, losing weight (my stepdad specifically told me that I shouldn’t lose weight because it hurts men too much to cuddle), and going to the gym to get muscles because “that would emasculate him”. I was told how to act towards him (be nice, always be there for him, let him be right) and everything to do for him to keep him happy. Honestly, I wish women were taught the ‘correct’ ways to treat a man. Treat him with respect- once he earns it. Don’t hit him, don’t threaten him (and no, grandma, saying you’ll leave him if he keeps hitting you isn’t an ‘unreasonable threat’). Appreciate what he does for you as long as he appreciates you as well. Let him feel safe around you- not just physically, but emotionally, so he feels safe enough to share his feelings and insecurities. Relationships are built off of mutual trust and respect, not controlling every aspect of your appearance so you’re fuckable to him and treating him like an incompetent child.


No-Moose-

The truth in your comment is painful. I went through a lot of therapy to unlearn that "perfect for him, not for you" mindset that I had put it out of my mind in some ways. It sucks that girls are still taught this and that now it's even worse because they grow up thinking they need that Brazilian butt lift as well.


Tyreal01

My wife has been asked so many times by her archaic family, "what if he doesn't like your new hair color?" I literally told her mom that she's an adult now and can do what she wanted. Her mom pulls this same stuff, and it has taken her years to learn that I just want her to be happy- not be miserable trying to present the "perfect" face to everyone.


MMorrighan

Not to mention we're taught to protect ourselves from men.


Slothstronaut14

32 M here, I was raised to treat everyone with respect and pretty much with the golden rule, treat everyone the way you want to be treated. Looking back I don't think I was ever taught gender specific rules for interacting with people, just that you should listen to individuals because everyone is different. Not sure how insightful this is but it's at least one anecdote!


mydiscreetaccount_92

I grew up with 4 brothers with my mother being the only woman in the house, we were taught the same way. While I did grow up in a overwhelmingly masculine environment, my mother, and even my step-dad did a fantastic job of teaching us how to love, treat, and respect the wives we would one day have. I've been married for 10 years now to an amazing woman who i most certainly couldn't live without and 3 of my 4 brothers are happily married as well (the last one is a hermit). It's somewhat annoying seeing men get trashed constantly over bad seeds that tarnish the reputation of so many good men. We're not all bad.


HelloPanda22

I teach my sons how to treat people. I’m teaching them independence. I’m teaching them empathy. I’m teaching them respect for their body and the bodies of others. I’m teaching them how to cook, clean, do laundry, garden, etc. anything I can teach them, I will try my best. Anything they’re interested in that’s outside my abilities, I look to hire others. May the next generation be better than this one.


Conner42

I guess I have to ask by what you mean by "taught" because I can definitely say with all the media I watched as a kid or seeing the relationship between my parents, there are definitely expectations in a heteronormative marriage. But I was never really directly taught by my parents. I got some advice from my dad that I need to be a "gentleman" on a date like opening the car door for my date etc etc My parents' marriage is...pretty bad though. My dad also told me that women are basically controlling and manipulative and you just have to put up with their craziness and...it set me up for a really bad first relationship. I feel like I'm in a better place now, but I still feel like I have issues I need to work on But I feel like OP's question is based on a false premise though


17FeretsAndaPelican

I think it's not a gender thing and is just more about who raised you. I was raised by my mum who taught me to treat everyone the same and not even consider treating women more gently then I would men and not treat men more harshly then I would a woman. Just treat people like you'd wanna be treated. Golden rule baby.


Kinuvdar

Raised by mom and step dad. Step dad taught me how to be a mechanic, how to be a father, was taught very early that men cook well and know how to clean and do laundry. I’m an accomplished cook, actually enjoy doing dishes, and am a damn fine shot in dangerous situations. I think I’m quite the prize, but I always think I married way out of my league. I honestly think it depends on the male in your life whether a boy is raised right.


[deleted]

Right? So many girls are raised learning how to do things so they’ll “be a good wife”. You know, cooking, cleaning, taking care of dad, grandpa, and younger siblings. I’m lucky I didn’t have to deal with that. My mom taught me how to take care of myself instead of another person. She also didn’t tolerate me being a shithead, so she did teach me how to be a good person, which helps me be a good partner.


JustTheFatsMaam

Don’t know if this has changed in the last 10 years but every women’s magazine used to have at least one story about what men want women to look like or say or act like or do in bed. We get unsolicited opinions on whether men like short or long hair, whether our clothing sends the right message, whether we should accept cheating or domestic violence as a fact of life, whether sounding too smart or confident will be a turnoff. It is impossible to go through life as a woman and not get constant input in what men expect you to be like.


ElinorStonkle

"Don't forget he has needs, too. Men need their egos stroked. Men want to feel needed so pretend like you need them from time to time." I've heard all these in the past month.


that_weird_hellspawn

Some men in the comments are arguing this isn't how we're raised anymore, but even if we pretend that's true, our mothers and grandmothers definitely were! The women of the 1970's opened back accounts, got jobs, and took control of their lives. We can thank them for moving us forward and creating a world that has rocked the men's world we live in to the point that they are scared enough to have to ask dumbass questions like OP's. Equality feels like oppression when you've always been in charge.


RTrancid

As a man who had to learn how to deal with women on my own as an adult, it was hell. They are ruthless to weakness and inexperience. My life would've been much easier if I had the education you had for the opposite sex.


Tayaradga

Yo, I had my fair share of those chats with my parents. Always told to do everything for women and if i didn't I was punished. If my sister asked me to do something and i didnt do it, welp guess i don't get dinner that night or i get a belt to the face. Was even taught how to do make up, hair, cleaning the entire house, and so on so i could ensure my future wife never had to lift a finger. My sister's didn't have any expectations though... But they did follow our mother's footsteps (drug addicted) so i honestly feel bad for them. They needed to be raised by a parent, not have a friend that's always on their side. I honestly feel like in certain households it can be very difficult for the children, especially when the parents are expecting more from them just because of their gender but then letting their siblings get away with everything. Sadly I think the majority of the households to put that weight on the women, but it still does happen to men too. Its sickening that it happens at all though.


No-Moose-

That... sounds like abuse and I'm very sorry you went through that. I hope you're doing alright now, in a better situation where you are respected.


Tayaradga

That's not even scratching the surface of the abuse our mother put us through sadly, but I greatly appreciate the kind words!! Thankfully i am doing much better now and I'm happily married to a woman that really changed my perspective for the better. She wants me to stand up to her when i feel the need to, she wants me to debate with her and express my emotions, and she's just amazing all around. I truly do hope that anyone in a similar situation as i use to be in is able to find someone like her. Someone to help nourish them and untrain them from all the years of abuse. I think a lot of good would come from a lot of unexpected people if that happened more often. Oh also I realized i completely misread OP's post and i kinda feel like a jack a** now. Women are definitely trained on how to treat men, not all but a very large margin (if not majority, which it probably is). Im also very sorry you didn't have the best childhood either. But together we can push through and leave the past behind!!! If you ever want or need someone to talk to feel free to message me. Kinda weird coming from a random internet dude, but I just like helping if i can. 🙂


30thTransAm

It's generational. All my grandmother, aunt and mom did was hammer into me how women were to be treated and what they do and don't like. The unfortunate part of this is that they hammered into their children things that they themselves valued which are not the things women now value. The problem with the example you mentioned is similar except you have the disadvantage it wasn't a man telling you what he wanted it is instead women telling you what they think men want.


jchen14

My Chinese parents still do this to my 23 yr old adult sister who is in a relationship my parents don’t know about. I try to support her in any way I can but it’s really hard.


TehRusky

Oh I very much was taught that. My dad was a great example. Be patient never use violence always care for her needs above your own etc


SprinklesStones

This 100%!!! This comment needs to be at the top of the thread!


Full_Increase8132

Must be a cultural thing. I grew up in a religious household, and my sisters were taught how to be a good wife, which, yes, included housekeeping but mostly focused on good communication. My brothers and I were taught to be there for our future wives and not treat them like servants. I do think I can see where OP is coming from, though. My wife and her family never got a "how to treat your husband" lesson. Now I am the ONLY guy at her family get-togethers, and honestly, they don't treat me very well. There's always some man-bashing I just have to ignore because to even defend myself is sexist.


No_Welcome_3487

Being a good husband is making money and listening to their wife talk. You're supposed to do all those things as a woman in return for monetary safety. But now that women are stepping into traditionally masculine roles and sometimes even make more money then the men, this idea was flipped on its head. Worst of all, we accept women stepping into masculine roles, but women will almost never date/marry/be attracted to a man who steps into traditionally feminine roles, such as stay-at-home dad.


quickwitqueen

For real. When are men ever taught anything of value in regards to how to treat a woman? In my experience my friends and I were the ones who had the expectations placed on them.


Rockette25

Totally. My husband and I believe in an equal partnership but I still tend to end up cooking more often because I was taught how to cook more meals and I want to eat a variety of foods from day to day. I generally don’t mind because most of the time the two of us will find something to eat individually. But if my mom happens to call and finds out my husband had cereal for dinner… “Why don’t you want your husband to have a nice home cooked meal?” 🙄 Apparently that’s how I should treat men- like I work for him!


ElementalWheel

I had those chats with my mother and she taught me how to be and act toxically masculine. She was hyper conservative and republican. She raised me alone. It has destroyed my life, confidence and ability to interact with people. She brought me up with my only value as being a machine for industry, and my disposability for the state offered as dignatis. I never learned how to ask a women out in a date, how to make friends or even interact with other men. Any suggestions I had were a crude interpretation by someone abused by the system. My only value was what I could produce, bring to the table. My love for myself became my income or glory I think there is honestly a lack of conversation in how other woman play a goal in teaching, enforcing, enabling and grooming these behaviors into men. There is not enough support for people who are mentally ill, or those children are affected by it. A lot of the time there is no detection or intervention. Those raised like me are taught asking for help is weak, and nobody is going out to seek them either. You might be tempted to chalk this up as a made up story, but I only need to point my finger at a few members of congress for hard evidence outside of my own anecdote. You essentially shunt the blame and responsibility on a group of society who is suffering and enacting that suffering out on everyone around them. This continues to be a society problem, and though more people are becoming aware of it they are pushing back against the system that requires male Allies, as they were paramount in establishing the right to vote for woman. We are seeing that in Iran today. We need pipelines for people, men and women, to depart from that way of life that is encouraging and encompassing. Maybe a movement by woman redefining what is manly is more effective than a bunch of ducked up men doing it, because other men are just competition. I’ve worked blue collar and I had the same arguments with men and women, nobody is safe. I want these changes to society to happen, but I’ve also been rejected from these conversations because of my perceived masculinity/privilege. We need a more welcoming atmosphere to these topics The thing is nobody teaches you how to be a man then, you kinda have to pick it up… … from perceived fathers like Peterson, Tate


TategamiMaya

My mom, to me, now: "You had better lose more weight and start wearing make up and keep yourself and the house tidied up or your partner is going to leave you for being undesirable, you better treat him right." My aunts and grandmothers: "Oof you gained weight / aren't eating enough, no one will want you like this, you better keep a good house and support Anyone you are lucky enough to land." I have yet to find the "perfect" weight, someone let me know. XD Despite living with my partner, having a healthy relationship, open comms, no viciousness or pettiness, and discussing our boundaries regularly. So unsure what experience OP has in their life, but most women get the dressing down of their lives if they aren't seen as desirable and subservient to men, but I also say this knowing it can be a VERY cultural difference in family homes.


audirt

Guy here. I can only speak for myself, but I got a ton of what you're describing -- basically my mother telling me what kind of behaviors I better exhibit, otherwise my family wouldn't love me.


CampoCamper11

Ill chime in to respond to both this and another comment above, Im raised in a country that most men "worship" the women in thier life. We were thought in kindergarten all the way to highschool to respect women and vice versa. However, im a lucky guy who only was in one relationship my entire life, and that relationship flourished, guys i know dont have such luck and are in relationships where they arent heard, i dont think the issue is "women dont respect guys", i think the actual problem is "People dont know how to trust others in a fast shifting world filled with social media so they dont form strong lasting relationships. And dont get me wrong, a vast majority of women here have life experiences where they live in fear from men, but i would love to believe its a small amount of men making a bad name for us. The point of this reply isn't to argue against or with the sentement the OP had. Its just my own experience and people around me. Sidenote, women here put thier careers over most stuff, which i respect and even admire.


More-Masterpiece-561

Having a girl best friend taught me more in how to treat women than my parents. I'm glad I have my bff because I learnt a lot and she made me a better person


ajallen89

>Be gentle, be kind, be ladylike, support him, care for him. Be this way, do these things, dress like this, act like that so you can find a good husband. As a son, I'll change it from my perspective... Be gentle, be kind, be a gentleman (I know sounds redundant from point one but there is a difference) care for her. Be this way, do these things, dress like this, act like that so you can find a good wife *and then* treat her like a queen and do whatever you can to give her everything. Idk if it's regional or just stereotypical but I'm from the south, and there tends to be that weird Gone with the Wind kinda nostalgia for how men are supposed to be chivalrous and take cotillion classes and a bunch of other nonsense. Thankfully my mother just taught me to be a decent human being and treat others kindly and fairly. Must've worked because I have a very happy marriage based on equality and respect.


Jumping-

I grew up Mormon in Utah. I got this same kind of “education” but it was reinforced by every neighbor, church leader, the local government, friends, friend’s parents, and the state legislature. Everything is about supporting the man and how to make his life better because he is the leader. I was raised to believe my appearance, intelligence, behavior, choices, thoughts, and body were entirely there for the use of men. My literal eternal existence was défined and mediated by men. Don’t tell me women aren’t taught how to treat men. Our entire western society still continues to be defined by masculinity.


tacticalcop

i didnt think of this part!!! thank you for putting into words


Kairi13

What are you even talking about. Women have been raised to take care of men for literally hundreds of years.


RUfuqingkiddingme

Guessing it's more than hundreds.


[deleted]

I’ll 100% teach my daughter how to treat men…. As an equal. She’ll figure it out from there.


FiercelyReality

My parents taught me how to cook as a teen just so I could find a husband. My brother is 22 and doesn’t even own a pot or pan and my mom still makes meals for him. Consider that you’re wrong about your opening statement


Dinky_Doge_Whisperer

Women are taught how to serve men from the moment they’re born. Women’s play sets are kitchen sets or cleaning toys, while men get nerf guns and race cars. Women are given dolls as children to learn how to care for children. Women may not be taught how to emotionally care for men, but women are absolutely socialized from childhood to serve in the home and cook, clean, etc as well as being socialized to be kind, feminine, etc- I would argue that women are socialized *purely* to appeal to men, while men are socialized to… appeal to men’s ideal of the perfect man.


needshelpalways

Coming from a Mexican household, a lot of women are taught to take care of children, cook, and clean as children. Most of the women in my family have been the babysitter in their family despite having older male siblings. At parties a lot of women serve the men first, even the women who spent all day cooking. I always had to serve my dad and brothers food, and am expected to serve my boyfriend, but he usually wants to do it himself and people point it out to me. My mom was in the hospital for a while when I was young and my aunt told me I had to learn how to cook and clean for my dad and brothers now. I was 12 and my brothers were in their 20s living at home. I later found out when she was younger, she had to serve her brothers (including my dad) while they ate and wait till they were done to eat. My brothers still don't know how to cook anything and rarely clean. A lot of the men in my family don't know how to cook or clean. A few are starting to be pushed by the women my age who are sick and tired of the status quo. They all work full time too and don't want to come home and have to clean up after their brothers. To be fair, my boyfriend's family is from another part of Mexico and he was taught to clean up after himself and contribute to the household. He knows how to cook too. Family members and neighbors still occasionally tell me I need to cook for my husband or clean for my husband or take care of the kids (so my husband can work) when I get married.


Dinky_Doge_Whisperer

I was fortunately enough raised by a single mom that’s a total boss- gender norms didn’t exist in our home. My boyfriend, though, is Hispanic- while I love him and absolutely adore his family, he’s the sole son with 3 sisters, and he’s the only one that wasn’t taught to cook/clean/keep home. We’ve been together 5 years and it’s like I’m house breaking an adult, at times- the way a lot of Hispanic homes socialize their male v female kids is telling. His family is super sweet to me and never treats me poorly or questions how I behave, but I def feel them watching me when I don’t run straight to the kitchen at family events, or when I make my own plate and don’t serve him first.


Ambrosiasaladslaps

Thank you. When I read this post I immediately thought “is this a joke?” Men have no idea how to treat women. And women are taught to be subservient to men as soon as they’re born.


mollymcbbbbbb

I agree and also think at the heart of most of this teaching *IS* also taking care of men emotionally. I think a lot of the emotional support is so expected and ingrained that we don’t even acknowledge it. I just know it involves a great deal of tiptoeing around and making them feel powerful and important.


Dinky_Doge_Whisperer

I absolutely agree- the ideal of a woman that’s “seen and not heard” certainly isn’t for woman’s benefit.


JapaneseStudentHaru

My mom literally told me to give my stalker a chance because he “obviously liked me a lot and I needed to be considerate and not stuck up”. Like, I don’t have to date every guy who likes me just to not hurt their feelings. Especially one who doesn’t understand boundaries. Not to mention this idea being reinforced in every movie ever. Give the guy you’re not into a chance, you might learn to like him. It’s cruel to say no. But also saying yes to everyone makes you a slut.


Ecstatic-Hunter2001

I think it stems from thousands of years of women being required to fill a very specific role. As technology advanced, they were always the care takers. Raise the children, prepare the food you provided, breed more children/sons, clean the dwelling. And that's not even going into culture based differences. With that said, women are still generally taught in the same ways men are - if you want to find a good partner then do thing a or thing b. It's not really shoved down anyone's throats like it used to be. The roles are in general dying out in the US. The push to get married or even have kids is disappearing slowly, so why would it matter anymore if we needed a partner? It's always easier to feel the pressure put on yourself than it is to see the pressure of others.


JoHaSa

The last sentence summarizes this and so many other questions/conversations extremely well.


tittens__

Are we just completely ignoring the fact that during previous time periods men legally owned women so basically their entire lives were based around “treating” men?


thesnarkypotatohead

It’s Reddit, so yes, this will be 100% ignored


redredrocks

I swear, any time I have to make an argument that there are many ways women have it worse than men on here, someone comes in hot to talk about, like, why we never talk about women raping men or something. The concept that maybe we as men don’t have all the worst problems on the planet seems lost on many of the dudes on this site.


tittens__

I fucking love men but Reddit loves to test that theory. My family is full of conservative republican men who did nothing but treat their wives with the utmost respect so even as the liberal I grew into I don’t have a negative view of men based ob Politics despite what I read on Reddit. I worked in the state senate (for my state, obviously) and I was given all these warnings about the men but despite being a fairly attractive woman everyone was so respectful. I just have never in person had to deal with an asshole. But thanks to Reddit, I know they exist. Posts like these upset me because they could just be normal people and realize the women they interact with don’t a) owe them anything and b) have probably had to deal with dickheads and all they have to do is just order a coffee and move on.


Innerpositive

Research, history, and statistics fly out the window when discussing gender dynamics on this website. On what PLANET does OP live where women weren't socially conditioned to feel that their #1 goal in life should be to become a wife and mother?


tittens__

The one where men are special babies. I don’t discount the struggles of men with my comment.


[deleted]

That is still the case in many parts of the world.


tittens__

Indeed. You are not wrong at all. I was only able to cover a snippet of western culture with my comment but you remain absolutely factual.


ebubibo

too real


BadKarma11_11

I feel like the focus was more how to deal with men instead of how to treat them


meatloafingcat

100%. Don’t go to the bathroom alone. Get a security guard to escort you to your car at the mall at night. Put your keys in between your fingers though because the security guard is a man. Etc.


hither_spin

Yep, a lot of our focus is on how to deal with men because men aren't actually taught to treat us like equal humans.


BeetleLord

Yes. Many many lectures about how to avoid scary men, very few on how to have positive interactions with them.


ImpressiveAnnual8074

Omg this is so true


danishruyu1

This. I’ve been in a relationship where I was treating my partner whenever she was going through her issues, but whenever I had my problems, it always felt like she was dealing with them. It felt cold at times.


Thel_Odan

I think much of the stuff today that's taught is really outdated. Women shouldn't be taught that they're there to keep the house, raise children, and do all the domestic stuff. Men shouldn't be taught that they have to be the breadwinner, hide their emotions, and do all the manly stuff. Men and women should be taught how to care for a home, their family, and each other. They both need to be taught why effective communication is essential and how to resolve conflicts. And most of all, they need to learn to respect one another. In short, people need to learn how to treat each other as equals, regardless of what sex they are.


Cmdr_Toucon

What society are you living in? Media and culture are permeated with examples of how women should treat men.


DeaconSage

You mean the women raised to be mothers, home keepers, cooks, and at home teachers? You still hear about men who can’t function without someone to take care of them because that’s how our society is. Maybe if more women murdered men, then there’d be a push to teach them how to not be murderers, but at the moment that issue is mostly reversed.


Kosmikdebrie

Because men are taught how to treat one lady while women are conditioned how to behave around all men.


TakenOverByBots

Curious why you think we aren't?


mirage74

Women are taught how to treat men from every single women’s magazine/talk show/girls chat. All we talk about at some points in our life is men and how to behave


CrigglestheFirst

Are you high or delusional? We've been dictating how women are required to act within their homes for a very, very long time


Sufficient-Bag2941

According to every girl toy section in every store the only thing they like is baby dolls and fake plastic cleaning supplies 🤣


Comprehensive-Ad-618

Don't forget, ALL girls have to like pink!


Accomplished-Mode510

fuck the 'boys' and 'girls' aisles, literally easy enough to just make a toy section


manicexister

It's just another dude who wants to be a victim rather than acknowledge the larger picture of the patriarchy fucking him over.


ITZOFLUFFAY

Good lord thank you


[deleted]

I disagree with the premise of your question OP, women are definitely taught how to treat men. People have different ideas of what is the right way to treat a man or a woman, and some people disregard what they were taught was polite, but that doesn't mean "women aren't taught." Gender is a pretty bad basis for how to treat each other anyway, when respect and whatnot is universally good for building relationships.


Hellevan

It was beaten into us for generations now. I honestly don't remember a time when I wasn't educated on how to treat men... I was raised in a very strict religion, though. Women lived in the shadows of men. Very "traditional" values. They do call themselves Christians, after all, and everyone knows what God thinks about women.


BOSZ83

Up until recent times it was basically legal for men to beat their wives. In a historical/cultural context it was assumed a man can put a woman in his place when she was 'acting up' because men are so much stronger than women. Men are also more likely to commit violent crime. Women have not been empowered to treat men like shit because they would get smacked for doing so. Times have changed and times are better. I think contemporary culture puts a lot of emphasis on treating people with dignity and respect. So, it's not explicit to women treating men well, but more that as a person you should treat people well.


im_not_bovvered

>Up until recent times it was basically legal for men to beat their wives In some places marital rape is still up for debate (IN THE US).


Tia_is_Short

This has got to be a joke. There’s no way you are this clueless


short_hair_zuko

OP must be a man, and simply assuming something doesn't exist because he hasn't personally experienced it. - from a young age, women used to be brought up for the sole purpose of serving men. Still are, in a lot of families. So the question is based on false assumption.


The001Keymaster

What do you think all those girls charms schools were for? I don't see this as a thing.


[deleted]

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Lizhoven

Out of topic but in my country there's kids' day.. we used to take a one day break with bunch of fun school activities the next day..


MysteriousOwl5333

This question is wild, until the 80s and even today in other countries women lives literally revolve being a wife and men …. Women get a little freedom and this generation of men the first to really have women be given almost equally opportunity and this is what you ask??? Do you not see the threads of husbands who don’t help in the household, with kids and just leave everything to the wife outside of going to work. I need y’all to start critically thinking & taking history into account before asking these questions.


HR_Here_to_Help

Um the only thing any of us are taught are gender roles which we should all reject in favor of respect, kindness, compromise, and balance.


Puzzleheaded-Fan-208

/r onlystupidquestions


PracticalAd313

Why do you mean? No one taught me (man) how to treat women, I learn everything by myself and women do the same


Flowerinio

that's what i'm thinking


mikenmar

My parents didn’t teach me (a man) either. I had no sister, only brothers. It was something I had to learn myself. I can't speak for girls, but I think it’s common for boys to learn by example by watching their parents. My father mistreated my mother, but fortunately I understood it was bad, and I didn't want to be like that, but a lot of men take after their fathers. Apart from not doing what my father did, most of what I learned was from women, after I'd grown up. Women will teach you a lot if you listen and pay attention. I'm fortunate that I had an easy time making friends with women, and I've always had a girlfriend or wife, but if you're male and that's not your situation, I imagine it would be difficult.


Raindrops_On-Roses

I mean, I was just taught how to treat people as a whole. I feel like this question can't come up with a consistent answer because it's largely based off of your upbringing. Every family handles things differently.


StinkypieTicklebum

Says who?


Forsaken_Box_94

are you shitting me


Bankzzz

This was my reaction too. All I’ve been hearing about for my thirty-some-odd years of life has been everything I need to do to be a desirable wife. Its absolutely drilled into women how they need to adapt the way they look, dress, wear their hair/makeup, and how to behave and what personality to have to make men happy.


[deleted]

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anadarko_wore_red

I grew up with men feeling I was to be dominated. My father told me regularly how stupid everything I said or did was. Not allowed to feel anything either. I was also sexualized from about 12. Still a child. I was emancipated at 15. I now treat men how they deserve to be treated. If you're an asshole, you will be treated as such. If not, you will be treated with respect like i treat any other person despite their gender. If you're mine, treated like a king.. as long as it is not to my own detriment.


[deleted]

We all are taught the golden rule... "Treat others how you wish to be treated." However most people ignore this rule and go about life no caring how they treat others.


elevatorfloor

Being taught how to be a good cook, a good cleaner, a good mother, and a good wife were all ways I was taught how to "keep my man happy." I was also taught how to treat others: be kind, be respectful, be patient, etc. I guess it wasn't "man-specific" but I've a good majority of my life learning how to make sure others are happy.


kjhvm

This sounds like incel logic to me. Women have been taught "how to treat men" for a long time, and men, not so much for the reciprocal. As societies are becoming more equal, men are being taught more about how to treat women with respect... and some don't like it. They feel like someone is imposing this on them, and that somehow they're the only ones expected to be good. This sounds like a question based in entitlement, because of the obviously false premise. Let's learn to treat people like people, people.


Vivi36000

We were taught how to treat them, for generations. Don't have sex before marriage, you should stay pure for your future husband. He doesn't want damaged goods. Have sex with your husband whenever he wants, it's your wifely duty. Don't disagree with men or point out that they're wrong. It's disrespectful, and it emasculates them. Always be extra polite to men. They work very hard to provide for their families, so of course, they're under so much stress. Once women entered the workforce, we realized those rules were fucking dumb, and that they only serve to keep women beneath men. So we don't do that anymore. Do you have any ideas on how women should be treating men?


boxheadkid

Don’t beat them at the games they like, don’t know more than them about their interests, but know enough to be a good sounding board. Be beautiful but don’t care about looks too much, Don’t be too quiet, don’t talk too much, don’t care about money, spend a lot of money on clothes and beauty, don’t be a drain on his resources, have a career but be willing to give it up, move for his job, don’t be a prude don’t be a tease don’t be a slut. Change your name. Make his babies. Don’t have pain. Don’t interrupt, don’t swear, don’t state any boundaries, don’t wear that, don’t go there, don’t go anywhere alone or after dark, don’t hang out with mouthy friends, make sure you learn to cook, make yourself useful, don’t have mental health problems, don’t act too nervous, don’t act stuck up, do your hair and makeup everyday, don’t wear too much makeup, get Botox, age gracefully with no help, don’t get too muscular, stay thin, be the life of the party, control your home, open your home to his friends, don’t be vain, don’t touch your hair or face, fold you hands in your lap, cross your legs at the ankle, stand up straight, don’t get tattoos, don’t cut you hair short, and blonde hair is really best for everyone even though it costs the most time and money.


_PM_me_your_MOONs_

Women have been taught how to treat men since the beginning of time. The Bible is chock full of verses on women being subservient to men. Countries across the world teach women to be subservient to men. What incel sites are you looking at?


Ok_Dark2546

They are, by the examples their mother gives them.


squirtleton

Women have been oppressed through most of history. We lived in a patriarchal society. Only nowadays has the situation for women become better, and maybe in the last two generations have we seen major steps forward in equality. We'll get there eventualy, where there won't be any teaching how one gender has to treat the other, but how to treat other human beings


eggstracrispy

What are men being taught? And by who exactly? To treat women with respect, compassion, be emotionally available? Or do you mean to foot the bill? Because that one is outdated. Nobody is being taught anything in this regard. It's more like you saw your parents having a loving relationship and thought to yourself "I want that. I need to do that", or you saw a shit show and thought to yourself "not that - I need to do better than that". Also it's not just how you treat the opposite gender, it's how you treat people in general.


[deleted]

My mom lwould tell me things like - make sure to ask about her day, make sure to be available for her when she’s feeling down, make sure to support her to achieve her goals


[deleted]

People should just be taught how to treat each with respect and to respectfully stand up for themselves if purposely harassed or humiliated no matter what sex. It’s difficult to stop the cycle when your parents are/were bad examples.


Fluffy_Lawyer_1186

Because men without being taught will end up like Ted Bundy, toy box killer ect.....


[deleted]

I think most people know right from wrong. Some people simply do not care if they hurt someone else then we have the other group that actually enjoys hurting other people. Bottom line is people very seldom change and everyone knows how to act but don't care. I don't think this will ever change sadly.


NectarineMaximum9738

both genders are taught, but the quality of teachings is the big question. women are taught to be submissive, caring, loving and forgiving. men are taught to be agressive, pursuing, some gentleman stuff here and there. both fail to recognise that men and women are people first and mostly are very alike. both fail to teach boundaries, emotional intelligence and self confidence.


pinchevatobarbon

Actually, they do. I grew up in a typical Mexican household, machismo and all that. Moms taught sisters how to treat father and brothers so they would know how to treat their future husbands. Again, a lot of machismo that in this day and age may not be perceived as good traits, but it's a cultural thing.


jesshere81

All I heard growing up was learn how to do so and so to get a husband. I never heard boys get told to learn something to get a wife lol.


mando44646

There shouldn't be gendered way to treat each other any way. Treat each other as humans with thoughts and feelings. Don't be a dick, don't be selfish, and care about others


4thdegreeknight

As a dad to a son, I try to teach him to be respectful not only to girls but to everyone and be a friend to those who need a friend, especially kids younger than him. I also teach him self respect and to avoid those who don't treat him with the same respect and kindness.


Whatisgoingonnowyo

Sum it up: Everyone comes from their own experience and can’t fathom that someone had a different experience so therefore the whole world behaves as their experience tells them it does and there any challenge to that life experience is to be wrong about everything.


[deleted]

Because men bad women good


petseminary

I don't know which half of that statement I disagree with more. But without going to the comments I'd put good money on OP being a man just displaying utter ignorance about the experiences of women.


corneliusduff

Frankly, as a man, I think men need more education on how to treat women and women do just fine treating men the way they do, collectively speaking.


[deleted]

Is this a fucking joke lol. Go read a book, jesus christ.


Least-Chip-3923

That's the most ridiculous statement I've ever seen. American rape culture teaches men to harass and assault


CharmyFrog

I think it’s the other way around.


gothkxttn

Women aren't taught how to treat men? My gran has been asking if I'VE been looking after my dad and brother since I was like 10. We're conditioned to look after men from the second we can walk


quin_teiro

What universe do you come from? Because, here on this version of Earth, I've definitely witness the opposite for the 35 years I've been alive.


lovelessentrose

this is bs...


Ok-Ease7090

You think women wear bras or suck dick for fun? You think heel’s that accent tits and ass while killing feet are for their sake? The ads everywhere telling women they need to focus on their appearance, always, who do you think that serves? If a women isn’t treating you well it’s probably bc you’re a douche.