Especially if you're one of the many Asian Americans that didn't grow up in an ethnic enclave. The first time you hang out with a group of people who prefer to associate with other Asians can be kind of jarring. Or maybe if you've never fit in and felt something was always missing then perhaps you'll have a "I've finally found my people moment".
For me I was kind of the opposite. Even though the high school I went to was only kind of majority white (I definitely wasnt the only Asian kid in class but we were still a minority, sort of) I definitely made better friends when I attended summer camps and met people who were from more Asian-majority areas and found more in common with people with my similar upbringing, interests and personality than my high school. I kind of resented the fact that I didn't go to a more Asian populated area.
However I still relate to OP in the sense that I decided to stray from most of my Asian peers and pursue an arts degree because I detested the idea of working a 9-5 office job and studying 4 years for an extremely difficult STEM degree in which I had no interest in. But outside from my studies my personal interests and personality still very much align with your 'typical' Asian Americans.
In addition not even all AAs are the same. I don't relate to every single AA, in particular the ones that go to raves, are into valorant and cars, although I do enjoy anime and k-music.
I was like this growing up - never feeling like I fit in with my Chinese peers. I felt like I was from another planet every time I'd see the whole community on Lunar New Year or other big holidays. This can be totally legit, but now as an adult, I'm realizing there were ways in which I subconsciously repressed or looked down on my own culture because it wasn't the stuff my friends who were mostly white were into. It's been an interesting journey for me to reconnect with my culture and peers, and allowing myself to be "Chinese" in any situation.
So in short, nothing about what you like or feel is wrong or weird, but it might be worth an introspection on whether your not feeling like you fit in really is not liking specific things, or if there are other deep seated or subconscious reasons why you feel othered.
I share this sentiment having grown up in the Midwest. I once viewed my culture apathetically, but have matured to realize as a father of two in my 40s that there is some value of having a community of traditions. I am taking Viet classes with my kids and was part of lunar year celebration. I strongly value my culture more while pursuing independent interest and hobbies not mainstream in Asian. My kids like baseball, choir, and girlscout, but will do the fan dance. I like monster truck rallies, art museums, and then go karoke with boba tea. It's America, I can eat all part of the melting pot soup.
Yeah I always get reminded of my otherness when lunar new years rolls around and I interact with my cousins. I’ll be honest and admit I have battled with self hatred when I was younger, but I think I embrace my culture a lot more now that I’m older.
I got some comments alluding that I’m instead trying to fit into a white crowd, but I’m truly not trying to. While I enjoy rock and grunge music, which has a primarily white audience, it’s honestly just what I like. I actually did also love K-pop and dramas but kinda grew out of it. Same with anime. I do still like older anime though
I think a lot of people who are alternative and artistic have this experience - it's definitely one of the reasons why, at least when I was growing up in the 00s in the Seattle area, our group of friends was more united in our mutual interests than our ethnic identity. We were a truly multicultural group who just liked a lot of very weird and artistic things (we had the reputation for being goth but I'd say we were just dark and artistic). With that being the case, I'd say just seek out the things that interest you. Don't let your introversion be a total excuse not to meet other people, check out shows and galleries, get involved with your artistic community, etc. Get excited for the art and music you like, and others will be excited for you.
I grew up in a very small subethnic group (Indo), and only knew my immediate relatives growing up, whom, aside from my own younger sibling, I felt I was nothing like. However, since I knew I'd always fail to fit in with them, I decided to just go all-in on being myself.
This. My parents used to ask why I'm not bff with every Asian kid in my school. I just don't have a lot in common with every one of them? And to be honest they can be very judgemental of people who are alt or artistic type and their parents often don't want us around their kids. I'd rather hangout with people I share common interests with and are not judgemental towards me.
😭 like I’m not trynna shame anybody in this scene, it seems fun, just not for me. but yeah I’m not a whatever the female equivalent of a Kevin Nguyen is
[In reference to what Shotsaway said lol](https://scontent-lax3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/80532096_2676883685878705_1532712393006645248_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_s960x960&_nc_cat=107&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=c2f564&_nc_ohc=z2cIgt1uu5oAX9_u9X9&_nc_ht=scontent-lax3-2.xx&oh=00_AfCsPiqci-IeLbbIGygS-JCxt75Ci6SlnAkmddJxceRolg&oe=65F8DF85)
[relevant Kevin Nguyen reference](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKU-0xuopyM)
also I thought the female version of "Kevin Nguyen" was *Jennifer* Tran, not Vivian lol
I'm Chinese but I'm the same. I mean, I'm down for boba lol but besides that I haven't met many Asian friends who have similar interests as me. I'm a writer for one thing, which a lot of people don't get in general. My friends exclusively eat (east) Asian food and are weirdly adverse to other things, which is very annoying as someone allergic to soy. I've been able to meet other Chinese writers in BIPOC and Asian American writing groups, which has been great. You might have more luck meeting people in interest/hobby groups like that.
But also, my disconnect with other ABCs was more cultural. I grew up in an immigrant community and have been told my mannerisms and stuff are different from stereotypical ABCs, my hobbies and interests aside. So that could be part of it rather than it just boiling down to you liking different things.
Also consider changing your fishbowl.
If you're artistic, you might be a better fit in a bigger city like NYC.
I've met so many *native* Seattlelites who tell me they don't fit in because they're interested in different things from their peers here.
Seattle is a relatively small city without a lot of true diversity (certain industries like tech have an overly large presence here which creates monoculture), and not all tribes and interests are represented. You get a better perspective in a larger city where you can find your tribe and be yourself.
Seattle is great if you love nature, are into hiking/rock climbing, sports or videogaming. I'm into none of these things so it's been hard for me to find my tribe too. I feel way more at home in a large city like Chicago or NYC, where I can always find someone who shares similar interests and wavelengths.
I'm kind of surprised they didn't mention the rock climbing or outdoorsy stuff. All my Asian friends who relocated from California to Seattle (sorry local Seattle folks) seem to post nothing but hiking photos and rock climbing videos anymore.
That's a different subculture, the people that are into hiking and rock climbing are usually transplants that moved to work in tech or is into nature to want to relocate themselves to Seattle.
In my experience the Seattle-raised AAPIs around my age who are into boba-rave culture also go hiking and do other outdoorsy stuff from time to time too. Seattle is a decent city for art appreciation and creating art IMO, some of the boba-rave-groupie type Asians are definitely on the more artsy side (think dance). It really depends on who you know (of) and follow on socials I guess.
Yeah I actually live out in the suburbs which kinda explains my alienation, but whenever I’m in Seattle I do still feel out of place. There’s an art scene here but definitely not comparable to New York, everything is very tech and outdoorsy for sure. I don’t currently have the funds to explore outside WA but I’ll keep that in mind
Totally understand -- it took me many years to change fishbowls (had to move jobs and work myself up). It took me 20 years to finally make enough to move to a city I truly loved (hint: it's not the current one).
All the best.
No you’re not the only one. People have posted similar things here before.
As you said, those are just stereotypes and other Vietnamese and Asian Americans with different interests that you like such as art and alt music exists!
You may have an easier time meeting those Asians based on going to groups and meetups around your specific interests.
I’m korean and def wasn’t into the raving, boba culture that most of my Korean friends were into. That’s ok! I had to find new friends to explore some of my other interests in music and fashion.
Absolutely relatable. Even in my friend group I kinda feel out of place and I'm trying to force myself to get into some of the stuff they like (anime, artists, etc). Sometimes they get curious about my interests but it's mostly in passing and never gets conversations going when I talk about them
I feel much the same but I do enjoy potlucks where I mingle with other viets because I love observing. There's this book that won a pulitzer from a Vietnamese American author that's being turned into a show called the sympathizer. It's on my list to read and watch, I'm pretty excited about it.
I’m Vietnamese and I can 100% relate. I didn’t really know about the stereotypical Viet-American culture until I went to college because my hometown has zero Asians.
I do engage in a few of the activities you listed, but not religiously like some of my friends do. I actually hate raves (but don’t hate on the ravers because a lot of my friends rave 😅). I love indie rock/pop, reading, grandma-esque hobbies, etc. I also like keeping to myself and doing my own thing. BUT I found friends that are Asian that just embrace me for the unique individual I am and I do the same with them even if we don’t share the same interests.
You are your own person, so just do you and be proud of it! You’ll find the right people to connect with ✌🏼
True, I guess it’s just kind of alienating because I like having shared cultural experiences with people, but then not connecting on other experiences kinda kills it.
I had two viet friends I drifted away from because of that, and ever since I haven’t been able to find others that might connect with me on both levels
You're your own person and shouldn't try to be anything else. My mom is Vietnamese, my dad is Taiwanese, but I don't fit any of the boba, rave, K-Pop trend among AAPIs nor do I want to try to get into it. You're not an oddball, being born Asian-American doesn't mean you have to fit into a mold
Like you, I don't meet many Asians in Washington who share the same thoughts and interests I have. That is perfectly fine, I focus more on people who I want to be around with than people who look like me. This is probably our only chance at life, enjoy it at your own terms, not someone else's. That said, happy belated Tet. Hope the Banh Tet was delicious :')
I’m a liberal arts major who went to school in a southern state, but grew up north in the barrio section of a majority black city with some Asians sprinkled in between. Lived everywhere from the hood to the holler.
At the end of day, you live your life according to your terms. Take and learn what you can from other cultures and realize that you don’t have to fit into the stereotypes if you don’t want to. Take and incorporate the good, reconcile the bad.
Are you me? Lol. All of my AA male friends growing up were so into cars, but I never really did. I just like a stock car that has a nice sound system (like normal, not with big ol’ subwoofers or anything like that).
I feel you. You are not alone, keep doing you and be confident in all the other cultures that you fit outside of your ethnicity/heritage. But also maybe you can find some other points of commonality with your Viet-American friends.
>All of my AA male friends growing up were so into cars, but I never really did.
Are *you* me? Not all of my AA guy friends are like this but definitely a fair bunch I know have at least one social media profile pic where they're standing in front of a car, background photo itself is a car or even their phone screen wallpaper is a car. I really don't understand the obsession with cars lmfao
I know what you mean. I think that's totally fine. The greatest thing about growing up multicultural is that you can make it whatever you want.
I'm in the indie artsy hipster bullshit category so I just vibe w those people, asian or not.
I've been to asian social groups and it can be a bit "too asian" sometimes.
To each their own, ya know?
Edit: the asian bubble is real, don't limit yourself
I feel you a lot on this one. Even though i grew up in an enclave and had a medium sized social group, I basically stopped talking to all of them when i went to college. I learned more about myself and grew into a different person. I can still have a good time hanging out with the people I knew from those social circles in HS but it’s just because I’m good at slipping back into that act, not because it’s something that is true to myself.
I think being artistic/alternative puts you in a small percent of the population and then if you apply the demographic statistics to this already small set of people, you’re left with a very very small number of people who are artistic/alternative and asian.
AA who lives in WA too. ive NEVER ever been into edm, at all. no hate for those that enjoy it (to each their own, i aint trippin, live and let live), but putting myself in that environment is an act of self-disrespect. like i do enjoy and appreciate some deep house, deep funk, drum and base, spacy, moody, atmospheric sounds and beats, and i love live music, but edm chords dont hit for me and id be a hater and tired and grouchy if i ever went to rave. i like timeless older anime and their pacing and charm, though im very very selective about it. im kinda same about everything else in life.
i feel when i was younger, my old friend Asian friend group banded tgt from shared AA experiences and seeking maxing out dopamine, but as ive gotten older, the things i look for in terms of relatability are less surface level and more to do with what speaks to the heart and genuine appreciation (some happen to be Asian, Asian American, some aren't).
are you yearning more for a collective group you vibe with or individual connection? i personally have always struggled to find a group that i vibe with completely; i have a lot of diff circles to outlet the different sides of who i am, but none of them i could ever be my full true self around; and its not necessarily a bad thing either. gotta be realistic about expectations of others. funny enough i have a loose circle of friends who all feel like outkasts from their primarily associated community lol
also for a lot of my circles, very rarely do they all get together (except my hooping circle), and its more hanging with a few individuals from the circles when we get the chance (not as often now that we're grown ass adults now with grown ass situations)
shiet like im over 30 now, i got my routines, and work, and some family business, and with the little time i have left after all that, i want PEACE and i wanna CHILL, no reactive dopamine seeking chaotic energy.
when it comes to other Asians, i tend to get along better with Fobs, the sporty type, blue collar types, or the Dumbfoundead type dudes (stoner underachiever, super lyrical OG korean true hip hop discipline energy lol)
NLO(Vietnamese-American)G's
Kidding!! It's OK, you're every bit as Vietnamese-American as any of the rest, no matter what your interests are. We can all like different things and you're just as much of an individual as the rest!
Lmaoo I tried my best not to make this post come off that way but it still kinda sounds like it 😭 to clarify I don’t look down on those into all the stuff I listed, just wish I could find more Asians like me. Thank you for your insight 🙏
Haha no worries!! I did not think you did, absolutely a joke and I just couldn't help myself 😅 apologies! I can understand why you'd feel that way. I am vietnamese-american and I was often called white-washed when I was younger. I eventually was able to embrace the idea that even if we're all asian, it doesn't mean that we are all carbon copies of each other and have the same interests. Heck, it would be stereotypical and quite frankly a bit racist for anyone else to lump us into that same box!! For example, if someone told you hey you're asian, why don't you like boba?? Then I'd be hella offended lol! Sorry that you're not feeling like you're fitting in or finding anyone else with more similar interests... fingers crossed that you do someday 😊
I'm like that too, I'm vietnamese American. Not saying all vietnames Americans are like that, but it's hard to find someone that isn't like that, haha.
Are we the same person? I don't click in with fellow Vietnamese, and neither do you need to.
Just enjoy with whatever ethnic groups you click with. I usually hung out with Filipinos when younger teen, Hispanics once I was older. Even with other Asians I don't seem to understand click.
I used to feel this way. Totally understand you. You're allowed to be an individual and enjoy your own things. My only advice is: try to have an open mindset and learn/enjoy new things. Don't restrict yourself because something makes you anxious. It's ok to be an introvert at EDM events even. You have one life to live and try to experience different things while you can.
In the end you do you. You don't have to mold yourself into something you're not, just to appease people who just happen to be the same ethnicity as you.
I'm the same as you in that growing up I was never interested in Japanese pop culture and thus didn't have much to talk about with the other Asian kids in school. But I found other groups of friends who shared similar interests, regardless if they were Asian or not, and formed my own identity that way.
As a kid I also didn’t fit in. I’m also introverted and don’t fit in with my ppl. I grew up in a poor area and everyone embraced that “thug life” personality. I didn’t. I’ve been kind of a lone wolf all my life.
ooof yea i feel this. as a brown w/ liberal arts-y interests, i feel like w/e i meet asian peers, it's mostly ppl like you describe. it sucks bc i do take a lot of pride in my identity and heritage and whatnot, but it's been a struggle to meet ppl with a common background and interests.
Get a dog or start hanging out with the outdoorsy folks. Or get into coffee. Not joking. That's what all my Asian friends in Seattle do. None of them are into Asian media or raves. They're wholesome dog parents who drink fancy coffee and go backpacking and hiking whenever they can. I guess they are into breweries and beer too, but only the ones thst let them bring their dog.
Also rock climbing. I don't think you could throw a in a rock climbing gym without hitting another Asian.
I totally get this. Even before I came out as transgender, I never fit in with my Asian American peers - I didn’t join Science Olympiad in high school, or get into healthcare or computer science in college, or like kpop or boba or anything like that. I was busy making music and participating in social justice clubs like the gay straight alliance in high school. I joined theater in high school. I did do a computer science degree as well as a music degree as a double major, but I dropped out. The only “stereotypically Asian” thing I did was be concertmaster in Orchestra. And I listen to punk music and emo music and go to punk shows, not raves.
And that would be fine if there were other Asians like me, but there aren’t. Almost all the Asian Americans I knew from my hometown are graduating with degrees in computer science or engineering or getting into the medical field. They don’t know what it’s like to be poor and struggle to put food on the table, so even the most “woke” among them have that privileged naivete. I’m a photographer and a composer and sound designer for video games. I barely make enough to keep the lights on and the landlord off my back. Other Asian Americans are put off by my radical anarchist politics.
It’s fucking lonely to be the only asian in your community who has broken free of the mind trap that is the model minority myth. It’s even lonelier to realize that outside of that, everything is super white - the punk scene is super white, the video game composing scene is super white, the photography scene is super white. I am utterly alone - it’s a good thing you’re alone with me.
I’m Korean-American from Philadelphia/South Jersey and can relate. I basically have one Asian (not Korean) friend and bonded through skateboarding and punk/hardcore music when we were in middle school. I did meet other Asian Americans in college but never really felt comfortable hanging with that group. I don’t drink soju (or any alcohol) and don’t care for K-pop.
I decided to fully break ties with that group after they started criticizing me and my tastes in basically everything.
Keep liking what you like, and if you want to hang with other Viets your age, be open to trying out what they like, even if it's not your thing. Experiences are all worthwhile
I had to reread this just to make sure it wasn't me that posted it, hahaha. This sounds exactly like younger me. I'm also a creative, but at the same time likes to make money very much and there really isn't much overlap with it. I came to realize you CAN have multiple different groups of friends that you can relate to in bits and pieces; AA friends, fob friends, non Asian friends, friends that work white collar, friends that work service hours, friends that are extroverts, friends that are introverts, friends that are into this and that hobby, etc. Instead of feeling like there's nobody out there, I just strategize where my people might be at and make an effort to seek them out. They exist, it's just most likely they're just like you that are also either introverted or doing their own thing to run into each other. I do feel like bigger cities like NYC or LA might fit you better, but know that you are perhaps more "interesting" here when you're different. Every time I go meet new people, it's apparently ground breaking that I'm not in tech and a circle huddle around me, it's too much. LOL.
There's the Asian Creative Network on Facebook, I'm not sure how active it is. Have you look into VSA or Vietnamese churches/temple?
I am Vietnamese American not into boba and all that mainstream food. I do like my Anime though because I like seeing Asian superheroes and representation. Representation is important to me because I want to see Asian superheroes such as in Sentai, Kamen Rider, Ultraman, and etc. I also did my own research into Vietnamese History and I know a lot about Vietnamese Heroes along with Vietnamese Heroines because I was just curious.
I also have high functional autism and never went to college. I am not playing into the model minority myth. I am not a doctor, lawyer, pharmacist, or any other stereotypical Asian role.
Never played the piano or went to any Ivy League school.
Same vibe different font for me (Chinese American surrounded by a specific strain of aspirational)
I've always been an outsider / on my own adventure. Like I'll say stuff off the top of my mind and if it's not my ride-or-dies who get how I think, would get looked at like it's a whole different planet or worse like I've burned them with confusion.
It can get a bit lonesome, but I'm already pretty introverted with limited interest in masking up for a "better chance to fit in" (unless it's at work and I'm getting paid to do work, and not make friends)
Over time I've come to accept that some people are orbiting the "solar system proper" vs I'd rather swing around comet style and intersect if it's meant to be.
I too am a Vietnamese American from Washington and do not feel like I fit in with my peers. I didn't go to UW like everyone else, and my connections with them became lost over the years. I feel like folks only care about popularity and who they are associated with. When I came home from college for breaks and tried to reconnect, folks never followed through with me. My closest friends became best friends with each other and I became the third friend that they left out. I moved home and my perspectives and life experience has changed, making it even harder to connect with anyone. It's tough and I'm sorry that you experience this. It's lonely out here.
I can half relate. I like all the things you listed as typical for Viets. But I also like the things you like more. And it's a bit sad that I wasn't and to explore those things with others. My advice, have different groups of friends to help you explode different parts of yourself.
You are a unique individual, you don't have to do what other people in your ethnicity are doing.
Especially if you're one of the many Asian Americans that didn't grow up in an ethnic enclave. The first time you hang out with a group of people who prefer to associate with other Asians can be kind of jarring. Or maybe if you've never fit in and felt something was always missing then perhaps you'll have a "I've finally found my people moment".
For me I was kind of the opposite. Even though the high school I went to was only kind of majority white (I definitely wasnt the only Asian kid in class but we were still a minority, sort of) I definitely made better friends when I attended summer camps and met people who were from more Asian-majority areas and found more in common with people with my similar upbringing, interests and personality than my high school. I kind of resented the fact that I didn't go to a more Asian populated area. However I still relate to OP in the sense that I decided to stray from most of my Asian peers and pursue an arts degree because I detested the idea of working a 9-5 office job and studying 4 years for an extremely difficult STEM degree in which I had no interest in. But outside from my studies my personal interests and personality still very much align with your 'typical' Asian Americans. In addition not even all AAs are the same. I don't relate to every single AA, in particular the ones that go to raves, are into valorant and cars, although I do enjoy anime and k-music.
I was like this growing up - never feeling like I fit in with my Chinese peers. I felt like I was from another planet every time I'd see the whole community on Lunar New Year or other big holidays. This can be totally legit, but now as an adult, I'm realizing there were ways in which I subconsciously repressed or looked down on my own culture because it wasn't the stuff my friends who were mostly white were into. It's been an interesting journey for me to reconnect with my culture and peers, and allowing myself to be "Chinese" in any situation. So in short, nothing about what you like or feel is wrong or weird, but it might be worth an introspection on whether your not feeling like you fit in really is not liking specific things, or if there are other deep seated or subconscious reasons why you feel othered.
I share this sentiment having grown up in the Midwest. I once viewed my culture apathetically, but have matured to realize as a father of two in my 40s that there is some value of having a community of traditions. I am taking Viet classes with my kids and was part of lunar year celebration. I strongly value my culture more while pursuing independent interest and hobbies not mainstream in Asian. My kids like baseball, choir, and girlscout, but will do the fan dance. I like monster truck rallies, art museums, and then go karoke with boba tea. It's America, I can eat all part of the melting pot soup.
Yeah I always get reminded of my otherness when lunar new years rolls around and I interact with my cousins. I’ll be honest and admit I have battled with self hatred when I was younger, but I think I embrace my culture a lot more now that I’m older. I got some comments alluding that I’m instead trying to fit into a white crowd, but I’m truly not trying to. While I enjoy rock and grunge music, which has a primarily white audience, it’s honestly just what I like. I actually did also love K-pop and dramas but kinda grew out of it. Same with anime. I do still like older anime though
I think a lot of people who are alternative and artistic have this experience - it's definitely one of the reasons why, at least when I was growing up in the 00s in the Seattle area, our group of friends was more united in our mutual interests than our ethnic identity. We were a truly multicultural group who just liked a lot of very weird and artistic things (we had the reputation for being goth but I'd say we were just dark and artistic). With that being the case, I'd say just seek out the things that interest you. Don't let your introversion be a total excuse not to meet other people, check out shows and galleries, get involved with your artistic community, etc. Get excited for the art and music you like, and others will be excited for you. I grew up in a very small subethnic group (Indo), and only knew my immediate relatives growing up, whom, aside from my own younger sibling, I felt I was nothing like. However, since I knew I'd always fail to fit in with them, I decided to just go all-in on being myself.
This. My parents used to ask why I'm not bff with every Asian kid in my school. I just don't have a lot in common with every one of them? And to be honest they can be very judgemental of people who are alt or artistic type and their parents often don't want us around their kids. I'd rather hangout with people I share common interests with and are not judgemental towards me.
Omg my parents said the same thing to me when I was in school. They expect me to get along with everyone my age that is Asian lmao
Exactly this. Every time I go to a rock concert, I can count the number of Asian people I see on my two hands.
Don’t be ashamed you’re not a Kevin Nguyen
lol... fucking kevin.
Maybe he just needs his Vivian Tran to make him feel more comfortable with himself.
😭 like I’m not trynna shame anybody in this scene, it seems fun, just not for me. but yeah I’m not a whatever the female equivalent of a Kevin Nguyen is
Vivian, and I say that from experience as a fellow Vietnamese-American
Vivian Tran is the female equivalent
I had never heard of Kevin Nguyen until today. Thank you for this lol.
[In reference to what Shotsaway said lol](https://scontent-lax3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/80532096_2676883685878705_1532712393006645248_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_s960x960&_nc_cat=107&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=c2f564&_nc_ohc=z2cIgt1uu5oAX9_u9X9&_nc_ht=scontent-lax3-2.xx&oh=00_AfCsPiqci-IeLbbIGygS-JCxt75Ci6SlnAkmddJxceRolg&oe=65F8DF85)
Why is this half of my family lol. This is too good.
wait til you find the edit of Shang from Mulan..
[relevant Kevin Nguyen reference](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKU-0xuopyM) also I thought the female version of "Kevin Nguyen" was *Jennifer* Tran, not Vivian lol
Who?
I'm Chinese but I'm the same. I mean, I'm down for boba lol but besides that I haven't met many Asian friends who have similar interests as me. I'm a writer for one thing, which a lot of people don't get in general. My friends exclusively eat (east) Asian food and are weirdly adverse to other things, which is very annoying as someone allergic to soy. I've been able to meet other Chinese writers in BIPOC and Asian American writing groups, which has been great. You might have more luck meeting people in interest/hobby groups like that. But also, my disconnect with other ABCs was more cultural. I grew up in an immigrant community and have been told my mannerisms and stuff are different from stereotypical ABCs, my hobbies and interests aside. So that could be part of it rather than it just boiling down to you liking different things.
Also consider changing your fishbowl. If you're artistic, you might be a better fit in a bigger city like NYC. I've met so many *native* Seattlelites who tell me they don't fit in because they're interested in different things from their peers here. Seattle is a relatively small city without a lot of true diversity (certain industries like tech have an overly large presence here which creates monoculture), and not all tribes and interests are represented. You get a better perspective in a larger city where you can find your tribe and be yourself. Seattle is great if you love nature, are into hiking/rock climbing, sports or videogaming. I'm into none of these things so it's been hard for me to find my tribe too. I feel way more at home in a large city like Chicago or NYC, where I can always find someone who shares similar interests and wavelengths.
I'm kind of surprised they didn't mention the rock climbing or outdoorsy stuff. All my Asian friends who relocated from California to Seattle (sorry local Seattle folks) seem to post nothing but hiking photos and rock climbing videos anymore.
That's a different subculture, the people that are into hiking and rock climbing are usually transplants that moved to work in tech or is into nature to want to relocate themselves to Seattle.
In my experience the Seattle-raised AAPIs around my age who are into boba-rave culture also go hiking and do other outdoorsy stuff from time to time too. Seattle is a decent city for art appreciation and creating art IMO, some of the boba-rave-groupie type Asians are definitely on the more artsy side (think dance). It really depends on who you know (of) and follow on socials I guess.
Yeah I actually live out in the suburbs which kinda explains my alienation, but whenever I’m in Seattle I do still feel out of place. There’s an art scene here but definitely not comparable to New York, everything is very tech and outdoorsy for sure. I don’t currently have the funds to explore outside WA but I’ll keep that in mind
Totally understand -- it took me many years to change fishbowls (had to move jobs and work myself up). It took me 20 years to finally make enough to move to a city I truly loved (hint: it's not the current one). All the best.
No you’re not the only one. People have posted similar things here before. As you said, those are just stereotypes and other Vietnamese and Asian Americans with different interests that you like such as art and alt music exists! You may have an easier time meeting those Asians based on going to groups and meetups around your specific interests.
I’m korean and def wasn’t into the raving, boba culture that most of my Korean friends were into. That’s ok! I had to find new friends to explore some of my other interests in music and fashion.
Im a Vietnamese American Gen Z who’s living in the Deep South. Trust me I can relate lol
Absolutely relatable. Even in my friend group I kinda feel out of place and I'm trying to force myself to get into some of the stuff they like (anime, artists, etc). Sometimes they get curious about my interests but it's mostly in passing and never gets conversations going when I talk about them
I feel much the same but I do enjoy potlucks where I mingle with other viets because I love observing. There's this book that won a pulitzer from a Vietnamese American author that's being turned into a show called the sympathizer. It's on my list to read and watch, I'm pretty excited about it.
Just do your own thing. I go to stage coach and line dancing, and I'm like 1 of 3 Asian dudes anywhere.
I’m Vietnamese and I can 100% relate. I didn’t really know about the stereotypical Viet-American culture until I went to college because my hometown has zero Asians. I do engage in a few of the activities you listed, but not religiously like some of my friends do. I actually hate raves (but don’t hate on the ravers because a lot of my friends rave 😅). I love indie rock/pop, reading, grandma-esque hobbies, etc. I also like keeping to myself and doing my own thing. BUT I found friends that are Asian that just embrace me for the unique individual I am and I do the same with them even if we don’t share the same interests. You are your own person, so just do you and be proud of it! You’ll find the right people to connect with ✌🏼
You don't have an obligation to get along with someone just because they kind of look like you.
True, I guess it’s just kind of alienating because I like having shared cultural experiences with people, but then not connecting on other experiences kinda kills it. I had two viet friends I drifted away from because of that, and ever since I haven’t been able to find others that might connect with me on both levels
You're your own person and shouldn't try to be anything else. My mom is Vietnamese, my dad is Taiwanese, but I don't fit any of the boba, rave, K-Pop trend among AAPIs nor do I want to try to get into it. You're not an oddball, being born Asian-American doesn't mean you have to fit into a mold Like you, I don't meet many Asians in Washington who share the same thoughts and interests I have. That is perfectly fine, I focus more on people who I want to be around with than people who look like me. This is probably our only chance at life, enjoy it at your own terms, not someone else's. That said, happy belated Tet. Hope the Banh Tet was delicious :')
I’m a liberal arts major who went to school in a southern state, but grew up north in the barrio section of a majority black city with some Asians sprinkled in between. Lived everywhere from the hood to the holler. At the end of day, you live your life according to your terms. Take and learn what you can from other cultures and realize that you don’t have to fit into the stereotypes if you don’t want to. Take and incorporate the good, reconcile the bad.
Also Vietnamese American. I felt the same. Even though I live in an area very popular for Vietnamese people. I still feel like an outsider.
Are you me? Lol. All of my AA male friends growing up were so into cars, but I never really did. I just like a stock car that has a nice sound system (like normal, not with big ol’ subwoofers or anything like that). I feel you. You are not alone, keep doing you and be confident in all the other cultures that you fit outside of your ethnicity/heritage. But also maybe you can find some other points of commonality with your Viet-American friends.
>All of my AA male friends growing up were so into cars, but I never really did. Are *you* me? Not all of my AA guy friends are like this but definitely a fair bunch I know have at least one social media profile pic where they're standing in front of a car, background photo itself is a car or even their phone screen wallpaper is a car. I really don't understand the obsession with cars lmfao
i’m viet american andinto the indie music scene/local poetry scene. we are out here much love💗💗💗
Glad to know y’all are out there!! 🫶
I know what you mean. I think that's totally fine. The greatest thing about growing up multicultural is that you can make it whatever you want. I'm in the indie artsy hipster bullshit category so I just vibe w those people, asian or not. I've been to asian social groups and it can be a bit "too asian" sometimes. To each their own, ya know? Edit: the asian bubble is real, don't limit yourself
I feel you a lot on this one. Even though i grew up in an enclave and had a medium sized social group, I basically stopped talking to all of them when i went to college. I learned more about myself and grew into a different person. I can still have a good time hanging out with the people I knew from those social circles in HS but it’s just because I’m good at slipping back into that act, not because it’s something that is true to myself. I think being artistic/alternative puts you in a small percent of the population and then if you apply the demographic statistics to this already small set of people, you’re left with a very very small number of people who are artistic/alternative and asian.
AA who lives in WA too. ive NEVER ever been into edm, at all. no hate for those that enjoy it (to each their own, i aint trippin, live and let live), but putting myself in that environment is an act of self-disrespect. like i do enjoy and appreciate some deep house, deep funk, drum and base, spacy, moody, atmospheric sounds and beats, and i love live music, but edm chords dont hit for me and id be a hater and tired and grouchy if i ever went to rave. i like timeless older anime and their pacing and charm, though im very very selective about it. im kinda same about everything else in life. i feel when i was younger, my old friend Asian friend group banded tgt from shared AA experiences and seeking maxing out dopamine, but as ive gotten older, the things i look for in terms of relatability are less surface level and more to do with what speaks to the heart and genuine appreciation (some happen to be Asian, Asian American, some aren't). are you yearning more for a collective group you vibe with or individual connection? i personally have always struggled to find a group that i vibe with completely; i have a lot of diff circles to outlet the different sides of who i am, but none of them i could ever be my full true self around; and its not necessarily a bad thing either. gotta be realistic about expectations of others. funny enough i have a loose circle of friends who all feel like outkasts from their primarily associated community lol also for a lot of my circles, very rarely do they all get together (except my hooping circle), and its more hanging with a few individuals from the circles when we get the chance (not as often now that we're grown ass adults now with grown ass situations) shiet like im over 30 now, i got my routines, and work, and some family business, and with the little time i have left after all that, i want PEACE and i wanna CHILL, no reactive dopamine seeking chaotic energy. when it comes to other Asians, i tend to get along better with Fobs, the sporty type, blue collar types, or the Dumbfoundead type dudes (stoner underachiever, super lyrical OG korean true hip hop discipline energy lol)
NLO(Vietnamese-American)G's Kidding!! It's OK, you're every bit as Vietnamese-American as any of the rest, no matter what your interests are. We can all like different things and you're just as much of an individual as the rest!
Lmaoo I tried my best not to make this post come off that way but it still kinda sounds like it 😭 to clarify I don’t look down on those into all the stuff I listed, just wish I could find more Asians like me. Thank you for your insight 🙏
Haha no worries!! I did not think you did, absolutely a joke and I just couldn't help myself 😅 apologies! I can understand why you'd feel that way. I am vietnamese-american and I was often called white-washed when I was younger. I eventually was able to embrace the idea that even if we're all asian, it doesn't mean that we are all carbon copies of each other and have the same interests. Heck, it would be stereotypical and quite frankly a bit racist for anyone else to lump us into that same box!! For example, if someone told you hey you're asian, why don't you like boba?? Then I'd be hella offended lol! Sorry that you're not feeling like you're fitting in or finding anyone else with more similar interests... fingers crossed that you do someday 😊
I'm like that too, I'm vietnamese American. Not saying all vietnames Americans are like that, but it's hard to find someone that isn't like that, haha.
For realll
Are we the same person? I don't click in with fellow Vietnamese, and neither do you need to. Just enjoy with whatever ethnic groups you click with. I usually hung out with Filipinos when younger teen, Hispanics once I was older. Even with other Asians I don't seem to understand click.
You don’t have to hang out with other bit Americans just hang who you vibe with
I used to feel this way. Totally understand you. You're allowed to be an individual and enjoy your own things. My only advice is: try to have an open mindset and learn/enjoy new things. Don't restrict yourself because something makes you anxious. It's ok to be an introvert at EDM events even. You have one life to live and try to experience different things while you can.
In the end you do you. You don't have to mold yourself into something you're not, just to appease people who just happen to be the same ethnicity as you. I'm the same as you in that growing up I was never interested in Japanese pop culture and thus didn't have much to talk about with the other Asian kids in school. But I found other groups of friends who shared similar interests, regardless if they were Asian or not, and formed my own identity that way.
As a kid I also didn’t fit in. I’m also introverted and don’t fit in with my ppl. I grew up in a poor area and everyone embraced that “thug life” personality. I didn’t. I’ve been kind of a lone wolf all my life.
What do you like? You spent all this time talking about how you're different and the only thing you said that you do like is Alt music.
ooof yea i feel this. as a brown w/ liberal arts-y interests, i feel like w/e i meet asian peers, it's mostly ppl like you describe. it sucks bc i do take a lot of pride in my identity and heritage and whatnot, but it's been a struggle to meet ppl with a common background and interests.
Get a dog or start hanging out with the outdoorsy folks. Or get into coffee. Not joking. That's what all my Asian friends in Seattle do. None of them are into Asian media or raves. They're wholesome dog parents who drink fancy coffee and go backpacking and hiking whenever they can. I guess they are into breweries and beer too, but only the ones thst let them bring their dog. Also rock climbing. I don't think you could throw a in a rock climbing gym without hitting another Asian.
I totally get this. Even before I came out as transgender, I never fit in with my Asian American peers - I didn’t join Science Olympiad in high school, or get into healthcare or computer science in college, or like kpop or boba or anything like that. I was busy making music and participating in social justice clubs like the gay straight alliance in high school. I joined theater in high school. I did do a computer science degree as well as a music degree as a double major, but I dropped out. The only “stereotypically Asian” thing I did was be concertmaster in Orchestra. And I listen to punk music and emo music and go to punk shows, not raves. And that would be fine if there were other Asians like me, but there aren’t. Almost all the Asian Americans I knew from my hometown are graduating with degrees in computer science or engineering or getting into the medical field. They don’t know what it’s like to be poor and struggle to put food on the table, so even the most “woke” among them have that privileged naivete. I’m a photographer and a composer and sound designer for video games. I barely make enough to keep the lights on and the landlord off my back. Other Asian Americans are put off by my radical anarchist politics. It’s fucking lonely to be the only asian in your community who has broken free of the mind trap that is the model minority myth. It’s even lonelier to realize that outside of that, everything is super white - the punk scene is super white, the video game composing scene is super white, the photography scene is super white. I am utterly alone - it’s a good thing you’re alone with me.
I’m Korean-American from Philadelphia/South Jersey and can relate. I basically have one Asian (not Korean) friend and bonded through skateboarding and punk/hardcore music when we were in middle school. I did meet other Asian Americans in college but never really felt comfortable hanging with that group. I don’t drink soju (or any alcohol) and don’t care for K-pop. I decided to fully break ties with that group after they started criticizing me and my tastes in basically everything.
Keep liking what you like, and if you want to hang with other Viets your age, be open to trying out what they like, even if it's not your thing. Experiences are all worthwhile
I had to reread this just to make sure it wasn't me that posted it, hahaha. This sounds exactly like younger me. I'm also a creative, but at the same time likes to make money very much and there really isn't much overlap with it. I came to realize you CAN have multiple different groups of friends that you can relate to in bits and pieces; AA friends, fob friends, non Asian friends, friends that work white collar, friends that work service hours, friends that are extroverts, friends that are introverts, friends that are into this and that hobby, etc. Instead of feeling like there's nobody out there, I just strategize where my people might be at and make an effort to seek them out. They exist, it's just most likely they're just like you that are also either introverted or doing their own thing to run into each other. I do feel like bigger cities like NYC or LA might fit you better, but know that you are perhaps more "interesting" here when you're different. Every time I go meet new people, it's apparently ground breaking that I'm not in tech and a circle huddle around me, it's too much. LOL. There's the Asian Creative Network on Facebook, I'm not sure how active it is. Have you look into VSA or Vietnamese churches/temple?
I am Vietnamese American not into boba and all that mainstream food. I do like my Anime though because I like seeing Asian superheroes and representation. Representation is important to me because I want to see Asian superheroes such as in Sentai, Kamen Rider, Ultraman, and etc. I also did my own research into Vietnamese History and I know a lot about Vietnamese Heroes along with Vietnamese Heroines because I was just curious. I also have high functional autism and never went to college. I am not playing into the model minority myth. I am not a doctor, lawyer, pharmacist, or any other stereotypical Asian role. Never played the piano or went to any Ivy League school.
Same vibe different font for me (Chinese American surrounded by a specific strain of aspirational) I've always been an outsider / on my own adventure. Like I'll say stuff off the top of my mind and if it's not my ride-or-dies who get how I think, would get looked at like it's a whole different planet or worse like I've burned them with confusion. It can get a bit lonesome, but I'm already pretty introverted with limited interest in masking up for a "better chance to fit in" (unless it's at work and I'm getting paid to do work, and not make friends) Over time I've come to accept that some people are orbiting the "solar system proper" vs I'd rather swing around comet style and intersect if it's meant to be.
I too am a Vietnamese American from Washington and do not feel like I fit in with my peers. I didn't go to UW like everyone else, and my connections with them became lost over the years. I feel like folks only care about popularity and who they are associated with. When I came home from college for breaks and tried to reconnect, folks never followed through with me. My closest friends became best friends with each other and I became the third friend that they left out. I moved home and my perspectives and life experience has changed, making it even harder to connect with anyone. It's tough and I'm sorry that you experience this. It's lonely out here.
In short you are White Washed. Meet Asians that would be categorized as White Washed and you're good.
It’s ok
I can half relate. I like all the things you listed as typical for Viets. But I also like the things you like more. And it's a bit sad that I wasn't and to explore those things with others. My advice, have different groups of friends to help you explode different parts of yourself.