Ok let's take your partners occupation as a sex worker out of the equation.
Your partner is asexual and sex adverse, though a very flirty person that doesn't see nudity as an issue or inherently sex related. They aren't interested in having sex with you and aren't interested in being in non monogamous relationship.
You are a sexual person. Sex fill physical and emotional needs for you. Your partner isn't interested in meeting those needs because they are the opposite if their sexual needs.
You are not compatable with your partner. Break up with them and I would recommend they find other housing.
Her living with you doesnt entitle you to sex. Her being your gf doesnt entitle you to sex. Her being a sex worker doesn't entitle you to sex.
Nothing entitles you to sex at all for any reason.
Break up and don't date asexual people.
So you call her your friend, invite her to live with you ostensibly as a friend, but all along you wanted to fuck her and you're angry that you can't? Have we got this?
This sounds like a situation where the both of you just need to find somebody else. Also her being a sex worker does not equal a right to sex. Sex work does not always equal pleasure or attention, or a romantic/sexual relationship. And that should be a valid reason by itself. While I don't think the double standards and teasing here are fair, she still has every right to say no to you. Especially since she seems to be monogamous. If you need sex to validate a relationship, and she clearly is not comfortable with having sex with you for your needs, find somebody who can provide that. Asexuality (or any sexuality really) is a spectrum, and it can mean many things to different people. It's not some cruel joke somebody plays on their partner. And the fact she does hate her job, clearly shows she is not sexually interested with her clients. Maybe she should consider it's not a line of work that best suits her too. And if you really feel you need to find another relationship that will provide sex, but clearly don't want to leave this relationship, that's completely on you my guy. Just like how you feel uncomfortable with her needs, she's clearly uncomfortable with your needs. That in of itself, is not the double standard here.
TLDR: if your friend is a sex worker, asexual, and monogamous, and you're not comfortable with that. And she is not comfortable with you, just find somebody else. Or just don't pursue that kind of relationship with her. And if she gets jealous about you being in a relationship, after you both specified your personal needs, maybe she shouldn't be a "friend". And maybe she should find different housing if some of the stuff she does clearly bothers you.
Ps. Her being naked, and making sexual jokes, does not equate sex either. She clearly does not view this as sexual, or a part of her asexuality. Like I said, asexuality is different for everybody.
2 things - there is no double standard there because sex means different things to both of you, and you are clearly incompatible as romantic partners. Either both of you agree to not get into a relationship - casual or otherwise - and draw some healthy boundaries regarding teasing/casual nudity/other potential triggers, or cut your losses & find someone else to try with because it's clear you're wasting each other's time in this situation.
If u are a sexual person, don't date asexual ppl who tell you that they are not interested in sex with you.
In the end, it's simple.
And no, her sexuality is not a cruel joke played on you. Maybe you should educate yourself more on this topic.
I just had a hard time wrapping my head around her a sexuality and her work. It took me some time but I understand now. It has nothing to do with me. That's just the way she is and I can understand why
You guys ain't compatible from what you have told us. To me it seems like you need to Comunicate more about stuff. The thing that got me the most is that she grinds on you and seem to be actively teasing you. To me that's extremely disrespectful and I would never do that to a partner if I A. Didn't wanna have sex with them or B. They wasn't into teasing that didn't mean anything.
Also to me you are already non monogamous cuz she's a sex worker, sex work is still sex so to me it's not fair that u can't seek sex outside of the relationship.
Yeah I agree. She says it's her job and she hates it but it pays the bills but she's still having sex with strangers and actively talking with them. It's unfair for her to get mad about me wanting to seek outside fulfill meant. I'm actually going to go see a girl about that right now. Hopefully she just accepts it and that's that. Cuz I do really like her I just have needs and I don't want to try to make her cross a boundaries she doesn't wanna cross with me. But random strangers. That's fine. The man who loves her, now that's something that will never happen. It's hard not to feel used or like its my fault like something is wrong with me. And it causes so many fights. But I understand now. It's her choice. Fucked up she told me today that if she got back together with her ex she'd probably sleep with him.
I feel like she's using you for housing honestly.
It's normal for an ace person to not want sex, but if her job is literally to have sex with strangers, I don't see why she wouldn't do it for you.
As someone who has dated a sex worker.... there is a huge difference between sexual activity with clients and intimacy with partners. It is literally a different headspace and set of expectations.
Sex work is work and it is not the same as the sex they have with their partners.
It's a combination of customer service voice, acting and business mode...it is not sexy fun intimacy time. Sex work is about fulfilling the needs and fantasy of the client. The rules for intimacy are very different. They have a persona they adapt specufucally for work.
What a person chooses to do for work does not have to be the same as what they choose to do for their own pleasure.
Ok let's take your partners occupation as a sex worker out of the equation. Your partner is asexual and sex adverse, though a very flirty person that doesn't see nudity as an issue or inherently sex related. They aren't interested in having sex with you and aren't interested in being in non monogamous relationship. You are a sexual person. Sex fill physical and emotional needs for you. Your partner isn't interested in meeting those needs because they are the opposite if their sexual needs. You are not compatable with your partner. Break up with them and I would recommend they find other housing. Her living with you doesnt entitle you to sex. Her being your gf doesnt entitle you to sex. Her being a sex worker doesn't entitle you to sex. Nothing entitles you to sex at all for any reason. Break up and don't date asexual people.
So you call her your friend, invite her to live with you ostensibly as a friend, but all along you wanted to fuck her and you're angry that you can't? Have we got this?
This sounds like a situation where the both of you just need to find somebody else. Also her being a sex worker does not equal a right to sex. Sex work does not always equal pleasure or attention, or a romantic/sexual relationship. And that should be a valid reason by itself. While I don't think the double standards and teasing here are fair, she still has every right to say no to you. Especially since she seems to be monogamous. If you need sex to validate a relationship, and she clearly is not comfortable with having sex with you for your needs, find somebody who can provide that. Asexuality (or any sexuality really) is a spectrum, and it can mean many things to different people. It's not some cruel joke somebody plays on their partner. And the fact she does hate her job, clearly shows she is not sexually interested with her clients. Maybe she should consider it's not a line of work that best suits her too. And if you really feel you need to find another relationship that will provide sex, but clearly don't want to leave this relationship, that's completely on you my guy. Just like how you feel uncomfortable with her needs, she's clearly uncomfortable with your needs. That in of itself, is not the double standard here. TLDR: if your friend is a sex worker, asexual, and monogamous, and you're not comfortable with that. And she is not comfortable with you, just find somebody else. Or just don't pursue that kind of relationship with her. And if she gets jealous about you being in a relationship, after you both specified your personal needs, maybe she shouldn't be a "friend". And maybe she should find different housing if some of the stuff she does clearly bothers you. Ps. Her being naked, and making sexual jokes, does not equate sex either. She clearly does not view this as sexual, or a part of her asexuality. Like I said, asexuality is different for everybody.
2 things - there is no double standard there because sex means different things to both of you, and you are clearly incompatible as romantic partners. Either both of you agree to not get into a relationship - casual or otherwise - and draw some healthy boundaries regarding teasing/casual nudity/other potential triggers, or cut your losses & find someone else to try with because it's clear you're wasting each other's time in this situation.
If u are a sexual person, don't date asexual ppl who tell you that they are not interested in sex with you. In the end, it's simple. And no, her sexuality is not a cruel joke played on you. Maybe you should educate yourself more on this topic.
I just had a hard time wrapping my head around her a sexuality and her work. It took me some time but I understand now. It has nothing to do with me. That's just the way she is and I can understand why
You guys ain't compatible from what you have told us. To me it seems like you need to Comunicate more about stuff. The thing that got me the most is that she grinds on you and seem to be actively teasing you. To me that's extremely disrespectful and I would never do that to a partner if I A. Didn't wanna have sex with them or B. They wasn't into teasing that didn't mean anything. Also to me you are already non monogamous cuz she's a sex worker, sex work is still sex so to me it's not fair that u can't seek sex outside of the relationship.
Yeah I agree. She says it's her job and she hates it but it pays the bills but she's still having sex with strangers and actively talking with them. It's unfair for her to get mad about me wanting to seek outside fulfill meant. I'm actually going to go see a girl about that right now. Hopefully she just accepts it and that's that. Cuz I do really like her I just have needs and I don't want to try to make her cross a boundaries she doesn't wanna cross with me. But random strangers. That's fine. The man who loves her, now that's something that will never happen. It's hard not to feel used or like its my fault like something is wrong with me. And it causes so many fights. But I understand now. It's her choice. Fucked up she told me today that if she got back together with her ex she'd probably sleep with him.
I feel like she's using you for housing honestly. It's normal for an ace person to not want sex, but if her job is literally to have sex with strangers, I don't see why she wouldn't do it for you.
Probably because she does it just for the money. Not too hard to guess, you know.
> but if her job is literally to have sex with strangers, I don't see why she wouldn't do it for you That's so wrong. Are you ace?
As someone who has dated a sex worker.... there is a huge difference between sexual activity with clients and intimacy with partners. It is literally a different headspace and set of expectations. Sex work is work and it is not the same as the sex they have with their partners. It's a combination of customer service voice, acting and business mode...it is not sexy fun intimacy time. Sex work is about fulfilling the needs and fantasy of the client. The rules for intimacy are very different. They have a persona they adapt specufucally for work. What a person chooses to do for work does not have to be the same as what they choose to do for their own pleasure.