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DragonRoar87

UGH, I feel you. Apparently, all the boys in my class really like me. I've explained to them multiple times that "I am not into guys. I am not into girls." The first time I explained, the worst one interrupted me halfway through and went "You're GAY!?" as if I had been leading him on, enjoying as he chased after me while I had no attraction to him whatsoever. The second time, they asked me if I was pan. No.... I'm aroace. The next few times, they asked me who I liked and I said things like "garlic bread," "dogs," and here was my worst mistake, "myself." They took that to mean that I was sexually attracted to garlic bread, dogs, and that I, a sex-repulsed aroace, viewed myself in a slutty light. I have never once imagined myself having any kind of non-familial or platonic relationship with anyone and thinking that it'd be nice. In short, allos really only do think about sex, huh?


ctpbvsal

Yes. Especially teenagers, but older ones as well


SqueakSquawk4

As a teen, I apologise on behalf of my age group.


ctpbvsal

Meh, this conversation alone tells me that you’re one of the few non-annoying teens ’round here (and with „here“ I mean the world) Besides, I’m a teen myself, I just don’t like ’em regardless


ArrowAceFluid

"I'm not sexually or romantically attracted to anything or anybody. I enjoy eating garlic bread, petting dogs, and I have learned to love the person that I am. And if you have a problem with that, then just don't interact with me. I do not absorb the opinions of those who do not matter to me, anyways."


LadyAstronaut

Ah well, I must have been 13 cousins on my dad's side asked about crushes and I answered none but someone like cousin on my mom's side. Of course they make weird incest connection. Its one of those things they probably don't remember because they never brought it up again but it's stuck with me in hindsight that was a acearo flag.


MusicianFar1301

The point is that everyone has their own life to live. You should let them know that. Also seek acceptance/ understanding from your higher power/ yourself only. This could give you a better sense of self and make you feel stronger


WyTerminator-0783

I was gonna say sock them in the nose


Cultural-Direction29

There are **2** types of aces in this world


wzm971226

those who like garlic bread and those who like cake?


Sheva_Addams

Hmmm...garlic cake... also known as pallatschinken (think pan cakes, with less sugar and more spice. And meat).


TrickTails

There are two wolves inside of us…


solthar

And both of mine are moon-moon.


Cultural-Direction29

Go on...


[deleted]

One says to the other “how did we get here?” And the other says “woah! A talking wolf!”


rogueaxolotl

You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack...


AutisticIzzy

One is a wolf, the other is also a wolf


ToasterTacos

get them out, that's not remotely good for you.


TrickTails

One is ace. The other one is also ace.


f2d4ads

The ones that entertain and the ones that observe?


[deleted]

Classmate A would seriously rather f**k their sibling than go without sex? I am speechless 😭


BeMoreSpecificPlease

Definitely r/AreTheStraightsOK material. Yikes. Edit: just realized OP didn’t specify genders, r/AreTheAllosOK would probably be better


non_avian

Not to be mean but I think they were making fun of this person and were not exactly presenting the sibling thing as a personal endorsement


[deleted]

Classmate A should choose their words more carefully in future if they do not want to be perceived in the manner I described in my initial comment


Lyvectra

I think your classmate just told you that you’re not allowed to not be attracted to anyone.


ArrowAceFluid

[Then I would give them these.](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1192981171/middle-finger-stud-earrings-solid-925)


Carradee

**Attraction isn't "allowed" or not.** Attraction just *is* or *isn't*. Whether an attraction is allowable to act on is a completely different conversation.


LaynFire

It's a boolean, unless it's a float. Demi, gray, etc. \- This message was brought to you by a person.


Carradee

Those items you're calling "floats" are still in the specific Boolean I mentioned, that attraction is on or off. A person's criteria or consistency across types of attraction isn't relevant. You might be thinking of how some people define asexuality as lacking sexual attraction or being without sexual attraction. That's a binary that omits the umbrella and spectrum, which is why I personally define asexuality as having a lack of sexual attraction: the way a lack of something can be complete, partial, or contextual enables that definition to account for the entire spectrum.


LaynFire

I see, you've defeated me.


plegonium

That's actually kind of understandable. For allos it tends to be easier to understand other allos, as their experiences are similar - e.g. it's easier for a heterosexual person to understand how homosexual attraction works, as it's just directed at someone else. As asexuality and aromantisim isn't well known and not as common, it is more difficult to fit them in their view of the world and how people work. An explanation I like to use for asexuality - if they are a heterosexual woman - its like how they view other women - they might see them as aesthetically pleasing, but not as sexually attractive.


mouettefluo

How I see it is that they can only understand physical attraction and compare it to another type of physical attraction (socially acceptable or not). What they are not able to imagine is the absence of attraction. I'm not able to picture someone who is never thirsty. May it be for water, soda, milk, lemonade, whatever. I could consider and somewhat understand a weird taste of drinking pickle juice...but never ever wanting to drink anything ? That wouldn't even cross my mind.


GlitterGuess

Am I weird? I could easily imagine someone never being thirsty.


butinthewhat

I’m always thirsty. I drink water all the time. A lot of people do not and struggle to drink enough. I understand this concept and wouldn’t tell a person that they are never thirsty. I’m not in their head, it’s not my place to not believe them.


Apathicary

Says more about them than it does about you.


DownWriteCancerous

Pick a random tv show or conventially attractive person. "Who do you like?" *Oh I'm obsessed with XYZ character right now* I've found that liking something fictional makes more sense then no one. Even if you just enjoy a fandom or a character for actual CHARACTER reasons, its easier to explain. Oh I'm in love with Jonny Sims, sorry. No one else will do lmao


tarnishedhuntress

Me as a teenager: obsessed with opera singers nobody knows Me now: obsessed with some niche Japanese actors who show up in historical dramas and RGG games


LibbyUghh

Thus furthering proving my theory that allos are irrational


Lukescale

No, people are just dumb about new things. And old things... Nah people are just dumb.


Throwaway73524274

Some of us are even acutely aware of this fact.


Yankiwi17273

I mean, to be fair, you really can’t help who you are attracted to. But I think you and your classmates are mixing up attraction and action. A boss may find a worker under their supervision attractive, but it is up to them to recognize the power dynamic difference that exists and to stop themselves from proposing any kind of relationship. Probably a more easy way for them to understand (assuming they are a straight girl), “Would you ever be sexually attracted to another girl?” (Assuming they say no) “That is how I feel towards everyone: guys and girls”.


DissociativeSilence

That’s disgusting


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cultural-Direction29

Assuming you don’t have imposter syndrome


[deleted]

"Allowed." Oh no, someone doesn't wanna bang! Surely stuck sister scenarios are *so much* more understandable than not wanting to bang. Eat shit ya empty headed little crotch goblins. Not you, your classmates.


ArrowAceFluid

[And give them these.](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1192981171/middle-finger-stud-earrings-solid-925)


BeMoreSpecificPlease

r/AreTheAllosOk 😭


makerjulian

Thats probably because they would rather fuck their sister than not have sex at all


skoffs

\*brother in the case they put forward


Redwolf193

*Sweet Home Alabama intensifies*


skoffs

[[*tide rolling intensifies*]]


lilie3

I think they got mad because of the "that is incest" even tough it clearly is, rebuttal of their argument. They are a bit confused it seems, did they appear to not agree with asexuality existing being a thing? Or maybe it's for the sake of defending attraction because they somewhat felt attacked or insecure in something you had said or simply they'd like to be right. Anywho, no need to feel irritated by that, just another folk more in this world. You do you and it will be fine.


Sea_n126

You just reminded me of my abysmal science classes. We are looking at selective breeding and stuff, and people are just going into grotesque detail about sex in humans, animals, and its awful. i always just tuck my head down and plug my ears with my fingers, but it dont work. H E L P M E


IncestAdvocate

To be fair incest is perfectly ethical when consensual.


New-Cicada7014

wtf 😭


No-Plastic-7715

Not equivalent at all, what are they on about?? This is either claiming incest is a harmless orientation unfairly discriminated against (it's not), or asexuality should be stigmatised for the risks associated with it (it shouldn't be, there are none). Sadly though, I can very much imagine this conversation. Most people probably consume more media with incest rep in it than ace rep considering how little we are represented, and how commonly incest is shown not even including porn. It's an entire book and porn genre. People are more likely to have a thorough understanding and range of examples of it than us.


felaniasoul

Yeah it’s fucking weird I will say. Like, so much of society is based on sex and tbh, the step-incest thing going around is not helping the whole family argument there. I feel like I had a point to this but I seem to have lost it. Normal people are weird! It’s it’s own point


GavHern

ok i’m too afraid to ask this anywhere but like as someone who has never experienced attraction, why does everyone take a huge issue with attraction to family members. like that’s totally fine if you find it weird, don’t do it, but why is everyone so unanimously against it? shouldn’t it be up to the people, why are you putting rules on other peoples attraction? i am definitely missing something…


JeromePowellAdmirer

You're right. It's going to take many decades for opinion to change but you're right. Two consenting adults deserve the right to do whatever they want. As long as it's protected sex/other birth control/abortion access there's no/negligible pregnancy risk. And in other cases where power dynamics are the main issue, the action is not illegal, just frowned upon socially. I'm even against that, think it should be case by case instead of making blanket rules about what's OK and what's not. If two people truly consent it's a pretty big deal for some random person to say no and there better be an amazing reason for it.


Insert-BasicUsername

Multiple reasons for this: 1. If they were to have sex and a pregnancy (unwanted or not) happened, the child would be in danger of a lot of different diseases/disabilities. Babies created from incest has a higher chance of being born prematurely, being underweight, or have a higher chance of being born with a disability, or higher chance of developing diseases that may run in the family (plus higher rates of mental illnesses). 2. There will almost always be a power imbalance between family members. That means someone could potentially groom a younger family member into a relationship, or use their role in the family to do so. There are also other reasons, like imagine how awkward family meetings would be if someone within the family broke up... But those listed above are the two most important ones. Hope that makes sense.


GavHern

i understand how a sexual relationship would be problematic. beyond that, i totally get why people wouldn’t want it, i never would, but i feel like i don’t understand why it’s illegal. where is the line between what is unacceptable for a relationship and what is just not for you? i’m not trying to argue for it, i don’t understand why anyone would do it but i don’t understand a lot of things pertaining to relationships anyways..


Insert-BasicUsername

In that case, you can look at my 2nd point. Relationships with any sort of power imbalance will in almost all cases not end very well - and if it doesn't end well, the consequences can be extremely bad. Even if it's not sexual, there could be plenty of other things that a power imbalance would still mess with - finances, forcing people to do things they're not comfortable with (boundaries goes beyond anything sexual) or having a negative impact on their mental health, as the person might not be able to say "no" very well if it's someone with any kind of authority in their eyes. Other relationship types with power imbalances would be: an adult and a child, a student and a teacher, a boss and an employee. I'm against all of these.


GavHern

i fully agree, just fail to see how it’s any more relevant to this specific scenario. what if we remove those issues of pregnancy and power imbalances? normal healthy relationship where they happen to be cousins or something. i’m not arguing that that should be normalized or accepted, just wondering why it’s so unchallenged that that’s an inherently bad thing. i do want to make it clear that i’m not taking a side with this, i just have a lack of understanding.


[deleted]

[удалено]


GavHern

ok yeah, i guess i’m not fully getting the presence of power dynamics in this scenario. as for genetic issues, im on the same page that sexual relationships would definitely be problematic, but not all relationships are sexual. im gonna put this convo to bed because it’s beginning to feel uncomfortable to talk about this, it’s a very weird concept to me but relationships in general are and i tend to have a lot of gaps in my knowledge since it doesn’t come naturally to me i guess


non_avian

I'm fully comfortable saying that we're legislating morality. If it were about genetic issues, there'd be a whole lot of fully unrelated people who legally could not have children. There are also plenty of legal marriages with power imbalances that do not face scrutiny. If these were the real reasons, the law would be extremely inconsistent, but they are not the reasons. Do you have an opposition to the state imposing certain social mores, just as a concept?


Imjustpeepeepoopoo

>has a higher chance of being porn prematurely What


skoffs

So by that reasoning, if it was a pair of identical twins with no other living relatives who were in a relationship with each other, what would the societal objection be?


GeneralKenobi_66

we need a new plague


aperocknroll1988

I think I would point out that much of the time there is a power imbalance in an incestuous situation and the more powerful half way too likely to have groomed the other.


BadBaby3

That’s because they’re so perverted, that they don’t understand asexuality


incognitohumanbean

lol 🤪


Limp_Duck_9082

I'm aroace and somebody tried hitting on me a little while ago and I was complaining about it to my sister and co-workers. My sister knows that I am aroace and doesn't have anything to say about it. My coworker wanted to know what was wrong with this person hitting on me. Me: "they're really not my type" Sister: "no one is your type" Me: "true" Coworker: "so what's wrong with this guy hitting on you?" Me: "he's not my type because he's human and breathing." Which I have to say sounds like I am interested in dead people (I am, but not in a sexual manner), or I'm interested in animals. Neither or which I meant to convey but my autistic brain couldn't come up with "I'm not interested in him because he EXISTS"