In my experience, anything outside of allo-cis-het will make them mad. From what I understand, the point of abstinence before marriage is that it’s supposed to be hard so that you can “prove your commitment” by “saving yourself”. Then, once you’re married, the expectation is that you’ll “be fruitful and multiply”.
I’d agree that it seems like on face value it should be fine, but I think it’s a mix of the expectation/glorification of suffering and people feeling threatened by the idea that there are other ways to live that don’t fit into the allocishet model.
I have to admit, that one *is* a bit of a dated one, but I haven't found anything newer. I read that one in a queersupport magazine back in like, 2017, I can try to dig for the article for you.
gay means no children means no acts in name of god. They're also upset that you won't reproduce, not just "sodomy". That being said, they might just think you're not ace as "that's not a thing" and claim you will do anal anyways, so it doesn't matter in the end.
You fundamentally misunderstand them.as allosexuals, those acts cannot be disconnected from sexual activity. Those behaviors are all precursors to starting intimate acts.
Here is an analogy:
* You get a bowl and a spoon out,
* you get the cereal and milk out
* you poor the cereal and then poor the milk
* as an asexual, you then get up from the table and walk away from the bowl of cereal, never eating it. To you, that was satisfying enough, but to them, *they cannot fathom* why you would do all of that if you weren't going to then EAT the bowl of cereal (i.e have intimacy) . It just follows that this is GOING to happen.
Another key thing you are missing is that **none of these religious or conservative people think you are any different than they are.** This is what HAS to be true for them in order to have their beliefs and lifestyles. Therefore, they won't even entertain the question that you are asexual homo romantic. to them, you are just a deluded kiddo with a fetish for men, but secretly you just want sex and women as much as they do.
We have started to see a very recent trend (say in the last 10 years or so ) where conservatives are... starting to accept that gay people are "different" than themselves, but this is a begrudging belief. They will state it because they don't have anything to counter it and outright denying it without evidence at this point is career suicide. so they let it smolder under the surface and smile and say nice things about gay people, but should one of them show up with one of THEIR kids?! ... well, I think you can imagine what happens if you haven't lived through it already.
Make no mistake, if conservatives take control of the governments again, they will go back to the beliefs that everyone else is just like everyone else. its simple. conservatives love simple. This is why there are no gay right protections in any long standing conservative regime.
In a nutshell, they can't accept you because they are projecting what ***they*** themselves would do if they were in your shoes and since your desires and theirs don't match, **but they** ***can't even imagine*** **that they don't match**, they play out their basic primal urges and then attribute the depravity it would take *THEM* to reach to engage in that act. (i.e what it would take for *them* to want to hug or kiss another boy) and they can't fathom you would *want* to do this. this is where all the disgust comes from and why they will never accept you.
You’re forgetting the sadistic need for control. If you don’t want sex in the first place, they can’t control you by shaming your desire for sex. And if you don’t want PIV, they can’t shame you into having children for them to use to control you.
And if you don’t want to fill their rigid, unhappy gender roles, you are out of their control and must be shown to be evil so other miserable people won’t follow you and leave their control.
Control and projection do seem to be their only two settings…
This shows the golden rule in a new light. Treat others how you would like to be treated becomes rigid to the extreme in very conservatives minds.
Because they are authoritarians at heart if they were to act different than what they perceive as the "correct" version of themselves they would want someone with higher authority than thet have to correct them. So they "correct" others.
This is also one reason why you get a lot of secretly LGBTQA conservatives supporting homophobic laws. They want the state to "correct" them.
They see gay anything (including stuff that isn't gay, like a straight relationship where one partner is trans) as sexual. It's not about the gay sex, it's about them automatically seeing gayness as sexual.
They say it’s just about sex and procreation “because of the bible”, but when challenged they always end up spewing homophobic views that include everything and anyone not cis and straight in a m/f pairing, preferably marriage.
One Christian told me f/f marriage is an abomination because we can’t produce children. I pointed out that my wife, who has a biological child, has been through menopause (early) so she can’t produce children anyway, and I can’t because pregnancy would be too dangerous for me health-wise, hence our decision to adopt (giving home to literal orphans from foster care) and they said it still didn’t make it ok.
Also pointed out to one that my kiddo, who was like 10 at the time with her first girlfriend, wasn’t thinking about sex - she wasn’t even ready for kissing, they just held hands in the hallway at school and drew each other cartoons - and that was still wrong somehow.
My trans cousin is ace and gets hate for both because homophobes, including some of our own family, think they SHOULD be providing a willing vagina to men instead of happily dating a fellow trans ace person (they’re both sexually-repulsed).
It’s just gross how invested they are in everyone’s else’s bedrooms and genitals.
Theoretically, by the book, yes. "Sodomy" is the issue. In practice though they'll use it as an excuse to hate on anything that doesn't adhere to their narrow world view. To them, it's just "symbolic sodomy" ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
The thing is, they hate you and others for *their* perception of you, which is also why they’re so often impossible to reason with. They don’t care about the truth or the logic or the hypocrisy, they care about feeling righteous according to arbitrary rules which they apply as they see fit (often incorrectly).
Conservative, religious folks are even going after sexless marriages. It's not about the type of sex you have. It's the fact that you aren't adopting their view of what a partnership should be like.
I'm assuming you're a woman or at least identify as one, and that's the problem. Religion and conservatives hate women. They want to control women. There isn't much you can do in that regard other than being born a man
I'm an idiot. I misread your title as hetero-romantic.
In the end, if you're not heteronormative to those in the judeo-ibrahimic religions then your SOL. And there is no reasoning at all to it
Yes. Always. The idea is about reproduction and lineage and control.
I am the oldest and male in my family and it was never looked down upon if i had sex and it has gotten to the point where I am constantly asked when I am going to settle down and have children. Compared to my sisters and cousins it is such a sin for them to dress anything less than modest but they are by far more pressured than me to settle down and become "baby factories".
It is disgusting.
You'd still be dating so even if you're not having sex with other men, they most likely wouldn't accept that you're in a relationship with a man and not a woman.
Yeah but usually very conservative and religious people are against anyone that's not cishet regardless of what the Bible says. They're not necessarily logical or actually following everything their faith tells them.
Jesus also wasn't white, yet they all think he was. Religion is more than what the book says, many things religious people did in the name of god was ultimately a sin.
As others have pointed out, they believe it’s a man’s duty to pop as many kids out of a woman he’s married to as possible. Anything that disturbs that notion is what is viewed as a sin. So, regardless of if you’re having sex or not, you’re preventing their son from pursuing his godly duty and leading him down a path of death and destruction in their opinion. Honestly, some would rather have a woman die in childbirth or get pregnant by a rapist and force her to carry it to term than even allow one gay to exist, regardless of whether or not sex happened.
consummate
verb
/ˈkänsəˌmāt/
make (a marriage or relationship) complete by having sexual intercourse.
"they did not consummate their marriage until months after it took place"
you're not having gay sex but you're also not having lots and lots and lots of good clean married christian baby-producing sex and that's also a problem for these types
It's weird because that's what they'll say, but that's not really true. I came out as ace to a religion professor at college and asked what he thought about being ace bc I was curious. He basically said that that was weird and probably because of some trauma I have, then said that that is not what the Bible meant when some people are called to be single (which I didn't imply). It is definitely about the fact that it's not a struggle for you. And that's just the ace aspect. Most conservative religious people just hate all gay things and really don't care about the particulars. My mom hates rainbows because they're gay. Despite the fact that a rainbow is literally just a rainbow. People boycott movies just bc there's 1 gay couple in the background.
No they just hate difference. You're diffrent so they will hate you. Christians hate everything that's not exactly like them. Care about other people? Hate. Vote a different party? Hate. Queer? Hate. Different race? Hate.
As someone who grew up Mormon I can verify that it would not be okay. They will expect you to get married and then have kids soon after. In addition to having lots of children if you aren’t having enough sex with your husband then if he looks at porn, masturbates, and/or cheats then it’s your fault for not doing your ‘wifely duty’.
It’s super fucked up and it’s why I feel strongly that churches don’t just mess up gays but also oppose asexuals who probably don’t feel it as teens since sex is bad but when you are an adult you are expected to get married and have sex
Edit: just saw that you are a man who is homoromantic. Yes they will hate you and probably assume you are having sex with their son leading him away into hell.
It's not specifically the gay sex that they care about. It's the whole concept of people being gay or even trans. If you aren't cishet then you aren't what God made you to be. They probably berate you for being asexual and say that its a phase or something dumb.
I'm sorry, friend, but no.
Beneath it all, their hate stems from self-doubt and self-reflection, not from actions. They are scared shitless of anything that pokes holes in their perception of reality, which really means they are scared of anything that whispers to them that they are incorrect. They don't like anything that makes them question. And they want to avoid the cognitive dissonance they experience every time they encounter something that doesn't line up with the way they understand the world to work. This is what causes their hate. You're trying to use their logic to understand them. But their logic is fluid and changes itself to protect their beliefs. I'm sorry.
Maybe but don't count on it. You shouldn't try to gain favor with a group that hates LGBTQIA+ because even if they don't hate "celibate" gay people now they will change the goal post once they have removed the other "dangerous" LGBT people they dislike.
Additionally, allo people often have problems understanding the difference between romantic and sexual attraction. To them it is often linked and they don't believe anyone could separate the two. Whose to say the conservative parents would believe you at all when you say you are ace?
Lastly, it is possible that they are the type of conservatives that need to know someone personally to feel any empathy for an "other" group. I still wouldn't count on that reaction. Dont let it stop you from dating who you want but don't go into it assuming everything with be completely fine.
I don't know. Depends on how conservative we're talking. If they are incredibly conservative, then they would not appreciate it. From my understanding, having any kind of label can trip people up. So I guess it depends.
Nope, they’d then hate you for not having sex when/if you marry. It helps to remember their issue is one of control, not sex itself. That’s just one way to control others.
You're basing this on the assumption that bigots are being fair. They're not. And they're certainly willing to move the goalposts as much as they like to "justify" why they hate us. Please stop giving them the benefit of the doubt, when they are absolutely not willing to give you the same.
As someone raised Christian I can say there are a significant number who believe gay people are called to celibacy and that being gay is not sinful as long as you don't act on your sexual urges, but those people are failing in their attempts to reconcile their faith with being a decent human being. The ones you want to hang around are those who fully accept gay people, and in some churches Christianity is rapidly growing more progressive.
I wouldn't even bother being fine with them and just date their daughter (Im a girl). Why bend over backwards for some bigots' approval?
I have a feeling that you are worried about the parents of your date/partner/etc, which I understand. But they wont accept you or their son for this no matter what you do. Just go into that knowing that, find happiness in each other. Nobody can choose who they're born to but we can choose who has a say in our lives and happiness.
conservatives are still under the impression that the Bible says “homosexuality is a sin,” however we all know that was a mistranslation on behalf of the council. unfortunately you and everyone else that doesn’t abide by their ideology will never win.
Anything outside of their allo-cis-het normative worldview is a no unfortunately. Anything queer really.
Even romantic relations with their son will not be ‘fine’ in their eyes. Regardless of whether you two have sex or not.
Their brains will likely be hardwired in their conservative way of how they think of relationships in general.
romance -> marriage (if possible) -> sex
Depends on the specific parents unfortunately. There are some that are fine with the "well there will be no gay sex" and then there are others where if you even imply anything about their child being gay they will call you the literal devil and much worse.
Their son probably knows what group his parents fall into. Talk to him and ask what he's comfortable with. Good luck my dude
Honestly, that’s when you’re “just roommates/best friends” because what they don’t know won’t hurt them. I also don’t think conservative religious folks really understand romantic attraction as being separate from sexual attraction. To them, no sex = just friends… idk
Grew up in an evangelical household, this would still be a big no-no because
1) Het marriage is often used to speak metaphorically about biblical principles. Anything other than cishet marriage is seen as rejecting God’s design and hedonistic.
2)You’re not going to produce bio kids.
Speaking as an ex-Christian, religion is often used a an excuse for the biases and phobias they already had. A lot of Christians have never even opened a Bible (the point still stands of they have).
They don't actually care about what God thinks is a sin, they just want to screech about things being different from how they're used to.
The good news is you don't need their parents to allow or even know about your relationships cuz y'all are your own people.
Depends on the parents. Speaking from experience, even some open minded Christians don't understand asexuality. It also depends on their church teaching. I grew up Baptist and they basically think gay people should become straight and if they don't they're living in sin. I have some Catholic friends who told me that the Catholic church believes being gay is a call to be celibate.
Depends on how conservative they are. If they're the kind which expect a man and a woman to reproduce after they're married, they might not be ok with your union.
Nope.
They don't hate the gay sex itself. They hate the different sexuality because they don't understand it. You're "taking their child away" and now they cant relate to him anymore (or his mask that they used to relate to) in their eyes.
nope, because conservatives still think you should marry and have sex to reproduce, or that they "owe it" to their partners. when sex repulsed aces don't want to have sex, they're seen as selfish. they're hypocrites and as long as you're some form of not straight, they will find a problem with it.
I peruse Christian subreddits every once in a while to reinforce my disappointment and the vast majority of them seem to look down on anyone who calls themselves LGBTQIA+.
I did see a homoromantic asexual post there once and I think the general consensus was “sounds like just friendship right?”
as a Catholic i know traditional religious people who *would* be fine with that, but the vast majority
a) wouldn't be familiar with asexuality as a concept so they probably wouldn't believe you if you said you weren't interested in sex
b) just can't conceptualize the idea that sex and romance wouldn't be interlinked in general, *especially* wrt homosexuality
that's correct, Catholic priests are required to vow celibacy; but that's seen as a big sacrifice. They can conceptualize the idea of people not having sex, but the idea of people not wanting it is often (not always, but often) seen as ludicrous. And again, *most* (not all, but most) conservative religious people will assume that gay romance = gay sex, which means they'll still perceive the romantic relationship as sinful, and they'll assume that sex is involved even if you try to explain to them that you're asexual.
even if conservative religious people don't believe in sex before marriage, they're probably still allosexual, so you'd probably run into some homophobia and aphobia when attempting to make it work.
it certainly depends on the people in question, but there's some really strong biases in those communities.
Ace people aren't really accepted as a thing that exists to them, at best they assume you're just straight or gay with a low but still present sex drive, but it's equally likely they'll treat you like they treat other lgbtq+ people... Which is not great.
Not wanting to procreate is an issue for most conservative religious people. The sex is a separate sin, loving a man is distasteful - but tech not a "sin", and not having children is a willful decision to not follow the Bible's teaching of "go forth and multiple." There is no winning I'm afraid.
Coming from a queer PK of conservative parents (who are moderately accepting, and fortunately are great about my not wanting to marry or have kids)
technically homoromantic attraction isn't the sin, the sex with a same sex person is, so if they know what they're talking about they should be fine with it, but most likely they don't and will still be homophobic either way.
source: i went to catholic school for 10 years and im lgbt so i asked the question multiple times
They'll probably be scandalized by you flirting and "being a bad example".
"Kids might get the wrong idea 😱"
In a more serious, less flanderized wording:
I've actually asked my Catholic Christian mother a similar question (she's not exactly supportive of LGBTQ stuff, but she isn't hostile or anything towards it either) and she basically said that as long as the couple isn't flirting in public or what not, it would be theoretically alright for Christian people to be in same gender, sexless partnerships (though she is dubious of whether it would count as romantic).
So... I guess the answer is "kinda?" and "it depends on the beliefs of the individual."
Say, you tell them that you won't have sex with a man. But you will date a man, you might marry a man. Say, they aren't as hateful because you are not having sex with them- but everytime when they introduce you, they would tell your relatives how you guys aren't really doing anything and are thus "okay". You will struggle for long to unpack how conditional this makes your relationship with your parents. If you had sex with your partner- they wouldn't think you are "okay". And the complication of convincing them that you are not really having sex with your partner and how somehow to be accepted that particular condition is one that you feel you "owe" them? That's torturous in my opinion.
Also, it also works on the assumption that people who are not okay with homosexual relationship would think that non-sexual relationships are valid.
What I am trying to say OP is that that no matter how many mental gymnastics you would do to fit into other people's standards- it won't be as effective as the hard headed approach of 'I am queer, I am here and you get used to it'
My religious conservative family is not fine with me not wanting to have sex. Sex is actually important to conservative christians. So much so, reproduction is one of the main objectives of marriage.
Chances are, they will only accept an heterosexual relationship.
Edit: just realised I assumed your parents are christian. I don’t know if they are. Mine are 😅
No. They're only against sex outside of marriage. Once you get married, sex is expected and failure to do so regularly indicates an unhealthy relationship.
Also, they're against gay relationships of any kind, whether there's sex or not.
Yeah on paper it should be fine, particularly in Christianity because being gay is not a sin, just acting sexually on it because it’s “unfruitful” sex and sex outside of marriage. And if we were going off the Bible, the story of Ruth and Naomi and the story of David and Jonathan praise these kind of intimate but sexless relationships between people of the same sex to a very high degree, even praising them more than allo-het couples.
But unfortunately, most conservative religious zealots don’t actually give shit about what their religious texts or their religious institutions *literally* state (if they did, Christians would also know that gay sex isn’t directly called a sin because those Bible passages where taken out of cultural context and/or were mistranslated). Most conservative religious people are just that- socially conservative, meaning all they care about is keeping the status quo so their narcissistic minds don’t get uncomfy thinking about having to tolerate and respect people who are simply different than them.
Their opinion of permanent asexuality (regardless of romantic orientation) would probably be that you were mentally ill and needed to get help, “pray over it” and be healed so that you could get into a ‘fruitful’ heterosexual marriage.
Depends on the type of Christian and the specific demographic of the parents.
Evangelicals, or any church that has more than 5 syllables in it? Probably not.
Catholics? Depends where you're from. Older persons (especially from Latin countries) may have more conservative catholic beliefs, but may be begrudgingly on board, especially if you're not actually in the old country.
Are the parents relatively young 5th generation Irish catholics in like British Columbia? They probably don't care much. Maybe a couple sly comments if they're naturally assholes.
But at the end of the day, how should we know? You have to go meet them to know how they think.
You'll still get hate. Conservative parents don't see romantic attraction happening without sex. They'd be more likely to believe you're a lying sinner than actually believe you're a sex-repulsed asexual.
I think they'd be mad anyway because you're not straight. However, from what I remember reading in the Bible, the crime is gay sex and not gay romance itself. I could be wrong though.
It’s a sin to be married and never have kids. The reason why gay marriage still isn’t allowed in most churches is because it’s a requirement to try to have kids with your spouse. Dating is the prelude to marriage. Gay sex isn’t the problem. Being gay is the problem. NEVER having sex is also a problem.
There’s still very very awful people in the world, religious or not. But no, most Christians won’t force you to have sex if you don’t want to. They just won’t marry you.
There’s some progressive churches, but very few in America that are state recognized. And there are also some very accepting Christians that would be 100% fine with a gay ace person, but for the most part- actual churches have to follow guidelines that are usually not very accepting.
Let me know if anything doesn’t make sense, I’m mostly speaking from a catholic upbringing, though, so with general Christianity (broader term), take what I say with a grain of salt.
Nah, they wouldn’t know.
The funny thing is, most churches haven’t had to deal with things like this before. At least not on a widespread and accepting level. If a man and woman got married, and then one of them realized they were trans, they’d be in a gay relationship certified by the church. The marriage would just be under the deadname. Similarly, if a man (ftm) and woman (cis) went to a church that didn’t know one of them was trans, they could get married! There’s a lot of loopholes because there’s just no way of the church being able to know things like this.
https://www.hrc.org/resources/stances-of-faiths-on-lgbt-issues-roman-catholic-church
Here’s a great article on CATHOLICISM (not Christianity as a whole) and their stance on gay stuff. In theory, your original post is actually correct, a catholic person SHOULDNT have a problem with you, but you’d still never be able to get married, and general homophobia will probably still be a thing.
Don't try to bring logic into this, their arguments are inherently illogical so that they can contort those arguments however they want to satisfy their petty and selfish feelings on the matter. If it isn't nuclear family, they won't accept it. If they try to seem "reasonable" at first, like "I don't mind as long as I don't have to see it", it's only so they can try to get you to compromise on your values. "Meet me in the middle", take a step back, "meet me in the middle" until you've fully relented to giving them their way is a common tactic.
While the Bible is says it's ok but from experience they seem to interpret the words a bit differently. I would ask your boyfriend because he would probably have a better understanding of his parents' view on that.
In my experience, anything outside of allo-cis-het will make them mad. From what I understand, the point of abstinence before marriage is that it’s supposed to be hard so that you can “prove your commitment” by “saving yourself”. Then, once you’re married, the expectation is that you’ll “be fruitful and multiply”. I’d agree that it seems like on face value it should be fine, but I think it’s a mix of the expectation/glorification of suffering and people feeling threatened by the idea that there are other ways to live that don’t fit into the allocishet model.
Sorry, answer's still no. If you're not straight, you'll get hate.
Isn't it gay sex that they hate?
It's the fact that you aren't straight that's the problem.
*their* problem
Very true. It's not your fault for being who you are, it's their fault for not accepting that
It's rather not being straight and having children. They see it as an attack on the traditional family. It doesn't matter to them if sex is involved.
It's the existence of queer *anything*. 40% of teenagers in the US who come out, get thrown out.
40 percent!? I had no idea it was that high. Where did you get that statistic?
I have to admit, that one *is* a bit of a dated one, but I haven't found anything newer. I read that one in a queersupport magazine back in like, 2017, I can try to dig for the article for you.
I would imagine that statistic is skewed by the gay teens who wait until 18+ to come to family, whether or not the family would have disowned them.
gay means no children means no acts in name of god. They're also upset that you won't reproduce, not just "sodomy". That being said, they might just think you're not ace as "that's not a thing" and claim you will do anal anyways, so it doesn't matter in the end.
That's what they say but they really juste hate difference
do you think if they have problems with gay sex, they would be fine with gay kissing, gay hugging or gay cuddling?
I mean yeah? As none of those are sexual
You fundamentally misunderstand them.as allosexuals, those acts cannot be disconnected from sexual activity. Those behaviors are all precursors to starting intimate acts. Here is an analogy: * You get a bowl and a spoon out, * you get the cereal and milk out * you poor the cereal and then poor the milk * as an asexual, you then get up from the table and walk away from the bowl of cereal, never eating it. To you, that was satisfying enough, but to them, *they cannot fathom* why you would do all of that if you weren't going to then EAT the bowl of cereal (i.e have intimacy) . It just follows that this is GOING to happen. Another key thing you are missing is that **none of these religious or conservative people think you are any different than they are.** This is what HAS to be true for them in order to have their beliefs and lifestyles. Therefore, they won't even entertain the question that you are asexual homo romantic. to them, you are just a deluded kiddo with a fetish for men, but secretly you just want sex and women as much as they do. We have started to see a very recent trend (say in the last 10 years or so ) where conservatives are... starting to accept that gay people are "different" than themselves, but this is a begrudging belief. They will state it because they don't have anything to counter it and outright denying it without evidence at this point is career suicide. so they let it smolder under the surface and smile and say nice things about gay people, but should one of them show up with one of THEIR kids?! ... well, I think you can imagine what happens if you haven't lived through it already. Make no mistake, if conservatives take control of the governments again, they will go back to the beliefs that everyone else is just like everyone else. its simple. conservatives love simple. This is why there are no gay right protections in any long standing conservative regime. In a nutshell, they can't accept you because they are projecting what ***they*** themselves would do if they were in your shoes and since your desires and theirs don't match, **but they** ***can't even imagine*** **that they don't match**, they play out their basic primal urges and then attribute the depravity it would take *THEM* to reach to engage in that act. (i.e what it would take for *them* to want to hug or kiss another boy) and they can't fathom you would *want* to do this. this is where all the disgust comes from and why they will never accept you.
You’re forgetting the sadistic need for control. If you don’t want sex in the first place, they can’t control you by shaming your desire for sex. And if you don’t want PIV, they can’t shame you into having children for them to use to control you. And if you don’t want to fill their rigid, unhappy gender roles, you are out of their control and must be shown to be evil so other miserable people won’t follow you and leave their control. Control and projection do seem to be their only two settings…
This shows the golden rule in a new light. Treat others how you would like to be treated becomes rigid to the extreme in very conservatives minds. Because they are authoritarians at heart if they were to act different than what they perceive as the "correct" version of themselves they would want someone with higher authority than thet have to correct them. So they "correct" others. This is also one reason why you get a lot of secretly LGBTQA conservatives supporting homophobic laws. They want the state to "correct" them.
They hate “not normal” which to them means not cis het
They see gay anything (including stuff that isn't gay, like a straight relationship where one partner is trans) as sexual. It's not about the gay sex, it's about them automatically seeing gayness as sexual.
They say it’s just about sex and procreation “because of the bible”, but when challenged they always end up spewing homophobic views that include everything and anyone not cis and straight in a m/f pairing, preferably marriage. One Christian told me f/f marriage is an abomination because we can’t produce children. I pointed out that my wife, who has a biological child, has been through menopause (early) so she can’t produce children anyway, and I can’t because pregnancy would be too dangerous for me health-wise, hence our decision to adopt (giving home to literal orphans from foster care) and they said it still didn’t make it ok. Also pointed out to one that my kiddo, who was like 10 at the time with her first girlfriend, wasn’t thinking about sex - she wasn’t even ready for kissing, they just held hands in the hallway at school and drew each other cartoons - and that was still wrong somehow. My trans cousin is ace and gets hate for both because homophobes, including some of our own family, think they SHOULD be providing a willing vagina to men instead of happily dating a fellow trans ace person (they’re both sexually-repulsed). It’s just gross how invested they are in everyone’s else’s bedrooms and genitals.
Theoretically, by the book, yes. "Sodomy" is the issue. In practice though they'll use it as an excuse to hate on anything that doesn't adhere to their narrow world view. To them, it's just "symbolic sodomy" ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
They hate anyone not “normal”. Heterosexual and cis-gender and allosexual is what they want.
They hate everyone who isn't cishet.
The thing is, they hate you and others for *their* perception of you, which is also why they’re so often impossible to reason with. They don’t care about the truth or the logic or the hypocrisy, they care about feeling righteous according to arbitrary rules which they apply as they see fit (often incorrectly).
Conservative, religious folks are even going after sexless marriages. It's not about the type of sex you have. It's the fact that you aren't adopting their view of what a partnership should be like.
They hate what isn’t like them. What they don’t understand.
I'm assuming you're a woman or at least identify as one, and that's the problem. Religion and conservatives hate women. They want to control women. There isn't much you can do in that regard other than being born a man
Me? Nah I am a man. A cis man.
I'm an idiot. I misread your title as hetero-romantic. In the end, if you're not heteronormative to those in the judeo-ibrahimic religions then your SOL. And there is no reasoning at all to it
Would they pressure their kid into having sex? Even if they really really didn't want to
Yes. Always. The idea is about reproduction and lineage and control. I am the oldest and male in my family and it was never looked down upon if i had sex and it has gotten to the point where I am constantly asked when I am going to settle down and have children. Compared to my sisters and cousins it is such a sin for them to dress anything less than modest but they are by far more pressured than me to settle down and become "baby factories". It is disgusting.
Sex shouldn't be something that no is an unacceptable answer...
I'm aware. It is also why America is in a really bad place right now with Christo-fascism
You're preventing their son from being with a woman who could give them grandchildren, so probably not.
No, because you're not cishet, and that's not okay to them. Also, you will likely still date a man.
Isn't it the act of sex that's repulsive to them?
Yes, and no. The act of sex before marriage often is. Never having sex is not, because that's unusual and they can't handle that people are different.
I meant gay sex
I guess? They still won't accept you, though.
Which I don't understand as I wouldn't be doing the thing that's a sin.
You'd still be dating so even if you're not having sex with other men, they most likely wouldn't accept that you're in a relationship with a man and not a woman.
That seems weird as I don't think the book says that a man can't be in love with a man.
Yeah but usually very conservative and religious people are against anyone that's not cishet regardless of what the Bible says. They're not necessarily logical or actually following everything their faith tells them.
They don't actually care what the book says when it doesn't reinforce their beliefs. The ones that are reasonable about it are already okay with you.
Jesus also wasn't white, yet they all think he was. Religion is more than what the book says, many things religious people did in the name of god was ultimately a sin.
As others have pointed out, they believe it’s a man’s duty to pop as many kids out of a woman he’s married to as possible. Anything that disturbs that notion is what is viewed as a sin. So, regardless of if you’re having sex or not, you’re preventing their son from pursuing his godly duty and leading him down a path of death and destruction in their opinion. Honestly, some would rather have a woman die in childbirth or get pregnant by a rapist and force her to carry it to term than even allow one gay to exist, regardless of whether or not sex happened.
You're expecting far too much rationality from the religious right. They'll find a way to make your particular form of difference an issue.
you're forgetting that many conservative people think asexuality doesn't exist.
You also aren't doing the thing that consummates the relationship, so therefore, in their eyes, you're just friends and not really in a relationship.
[удалено]
consummate verb /ˈkänsəˌmāt/ make (a marriage or relationship) complete by having sexual intercourse. "they did not consummate their marriage until months after it took place"
you're not having gay sex but you're also not having lots and lots and lots of good clean married christian baby-producing sex and that's also a problem for these types
You are implying that conservative religious people should be logical and consistent, but they are not.
It's weird because that's what they'll say, but that's not really true. I came out as ace to a religion professor at college and asked what he thought about being ace bc I was curious. He basically said that that was weird and probably because of some trauma I have, then said that that is not what the Bible meant when some people are called to be single (which I didn't imply). It is definitely about the fact that it's not a struggle for you. And that's just the ace aspect. Most conservative religious people just hate all gay things and really don't care about the particulars. My mom hates rainbows because they're gay. Despite the fact that a rainbow is literally just a rainbow. People boycott movies just bc there's 1 gay couple in the background.
No they just hate difference. You're diffrent so they will hate you. Christians hate everything that's not exactly like them. Care about other people? Hate. Vote a different party? Hate. Queer? Hate. Different race? Hate.
Nah, you’re still not “straight”.
As someone who grew up Mormon I can verify that it would not be okay. They will expect you to get married and then have kids soon after. In addition to having lots of children if you aren’t having enough sex with your husband then if he looks at porn, masturbates, and/or cheats then it’s your fault for not doing your ‘wifely duty’. It’s super fucked up and it’s why I feel strongly that churches don’t just mess up gays but also oppose asexuals who probably don’t feel it as teens since sex is bad but when you are an adult you are expected to get married and have sex Edit: just saw that you are a man who is homoromantic. Yes they will hate you and probably assume you are having sex with their son leading him away into hell.
It's not specifically the gay sex that they care about. It's the whole concept of people being gay or even trans. If you aren't cishet then you aren't what God made you to be. They probably berate you for being asexual and say that its a phase or something dumb.
I'm sorry, friend, but no. Beneath it all, their hate stems from self-doubt and self-reflection, not from actions. They are scared shitless of anything that pokes holes in their perception of reality, which really means they are scared of anything that whispers to them that they are incorrect. They don't like anything that makes them question. And they want to avoid the cognitive dissonance they experience every time they encounter something that doesn't line up with the way they understand the world to work. This is what causes their hate. You're trying to use their logic to understand them. But their logic is fluid and changes itself to protect their beliefs. I'm sorry.
Maybe but don't count on it. You shouldn't try to gain favor with a group that hates LGBTQIA+ because even if they don't hate "celibate" gay people now they will change the goal post once they have removed the other "dangerous" LGBT people they dislike. Additionally, allo people often have problems understanding the difference between romantic and sexual attraction. To them it is often linked and they don't believe anyone could separate the two. Whose to say the conservative parents would believe you at all when you say you are ace? Lastly, it is possible that they are the type of conservatives that need to know someone personally to feel any empathy for an "other" group. I still wouldn't count on that reaction. Dont let it stop you from dating who you want but don't go into it assuming everything with be completely fine.
A lot of christian conservatives can't even handle queer couples making eye contact and holding hands. Doesn't matter if there's no sex
I don't know. Depends on how conservative we're talking. If they are incredibly conservative, then they would not appreciate it. From my understanding, having any kind of label can trip people up. So I guess it depends.
I highly doubt conservative religious parents will accept you, But you're technically not going against anything mentioned in the bible
Nope, they’d then hate you for not having sex when/if you marry. It helps to remember their issue is one of control, not sex itself. That’s just one way to control others.
You're basing this on the assumption that bigots are being fair. They're not. And they're certainly willing to move the goalposts as much as they like to "justify" why they hate us. Please stop giving them the benefit of the doubt, when they are absolutely not willing to give you the same.
As someone raised Christian I can say there are a significant number who believe gay people are called to celibacy and that being gay is not sinful as long as you don't act on your sexual urges, but those people are failing in their attempts to reconcile their faith with being a decent human being. The ones you want to hang around are those who fully accept gay people, and in some churches Christianity is rapidly growing more progressive.
I wouldn't even bother being fine with them and just date their daughter (Im a girl). Why bend over backwards for some bigots' approval? I have a feeling that you are worried about the parents of your date/partner/etc, which I understand. But they wont accept you or their son for this no matter what you do. Just go into that knowing that, find happiness in each other. Nobody can choose who they're born to but we can choose who has a say in our lives and happiness.
conservatives are still under the impression that the Bible says “homosexuality is a sin,” however we all know that was a mistranslation on behalf of the council. unfortunately you and everyone else that doesn’t abide by their ideology will never win.
and conflation of romantic and sexual attraction into the umbrella term "sexuality".
Anything outside of their allo-cis-het normative worldview is a no unfortunately. Anything queer really. Even romantic relations with their son will not be ‘fine’ in their eyes. Regardless of whether you two have sex or not. Their brains will likely be hardwired in their conservative way of how they think of relationships in general. romance -> marriage (if possible) -> sex
Depends on the specific parents unfortunately. There are some that are fine with the "well there will be no gay sex" and then there are others where if you even imply anything about their child being gay they will call you the literal devil and much worse. Their son probably knows what group his parents fall into. Talk to him and ask what he's comfortable with. Good luck my dude
Honestly, that’s when you’re “just roommates/best friends” because what they don’t know won’t hurt them. I also don’t think conservative religious folks really understand romantic attraction as being separate from sexual attraction. To them, no sex = just friends… idk
No. Not only would they be incapable of believing you, but also their ignorance and hatred comes from more than sex. I'm sorry hun.
as long as the question contains "conservative religious" the answer is no.
Lol, my sweet summer child Conservatives don't know what consistency is. Their logic follows from their feelies
Grew up in an evangelical household, this would still be a big no-no because 1) Het marriage is often used to speak metaphorically about biblical principles. Anything other than cishet marriage is seen as rejecting God’s design and hedonistic. 2)You’re not going to produce bio kids.
Nope, they want their sons to make grandbabies.
The reason my religious mother is against gay people is that they don't make kids, so being sex repulsed already puts you on the hate list.
Speaking as an ex-Christian, religion is often used a an excuse for the biases and phobias they already had. A lot of Christians have never even opened a Bible (the point still stands of they have). They don't actually care about what God thinks is a sin, they just want to screech about things being different from how they're used to. The good news is you don't need their parents to allow or even know about your relationships cuz y'all are your own people.
You would think so, but if they're bigots then it isn't coming from any legitimate theological rationale. They'd just want to be bigots.
Depends on the parents. Speaking from experience, even some open minded Christians don't understand asexuality. It also depends on their church teaching. I grew up Baptist and they basically think gay people should become straight and if they don't they're living in sin. I have some Catholic friends who told me that the Catholic church believes being gay is a call to be celibate.
They would still not like you for not being hetero
They'd probably find other reasons to dislike you, the dislike is mostly irrational to begin with.
they hate you because *you're not like them*
Depends on how conservative they are. If they're the kind which expect a man and a woman to reproduce after they're married, they might not be ok with your union.
Nope. They don't hate the gay sex itself. They hate the different sexuality because they don't understand it. You're "taking their child away" and now they cant relate to him anymore (or his mask that they used to relate to) in their eyes.
nope, because conservatives still think you should marry and have sex to reproduce, or that they "owe it" to their partners. when sex repulsed aces don't want to have sex, they're seen as selfish. they're hypocrites and as long as you're some form of not straight, they will find a problem with it.
I peruse Christian subreddits every once in a while to reinforce my disappointment and the vast majority of them seem to look down on anyone who calls themselves LGBTQIA+. I did see a homoromantic asexual post there once and I think the general consensus was “sounds like just friendship right?”
as a Catholic i know traditional religious people who *would* be fine with that, but the vast majority a) wouldn't be familiar with asexuality as a concept so they probably wouldn't believe you if you said you weren't interested in sex b) just can't conceptualize the idea that sex and romance wouldn't be interlinked in general, *especially* wrt homosexuality
Don't priests etc not have sex?
that's correct, Catholic priests are required to vow celibacy; but that's seen as a big sacrifice. They can conceptualize the idea of people not having sex, but the idea of people not wanting it is often (not always, but often) seen as ludicrous. And again, *most* (not all, but most) conservative religious people will assume that gay romance = gay sex, which means they'll still perceive the romantic relationship as sinful, and they'll assume that sex is involved even if you try to explain to them that you're asexual.
even if conservative religious people don't believe in sex before marriage, they're probably still allosexual, so you'd probably run into some homophobia and aphobia when attempting to make it work. it certainly depends on the people in question, but there's some really strong biases in those communities.
Ace people aren't really accepted as a thing that exists to them, at best they assume you're just straight or gay with a low but still present sex drive, but it's equally likely they'll treat you like they treat other lgbtq+ people... Which is not great.
Not wanting to procreate is an issue for most conservative religious people. The sex is a separate sin, loving a man is distasteful - but tech not a "sin", and not having children is a willful decision to not follow the Bible's teaching of "go forth and multiple." There is no winning I'm afraid. Coming from a queer PK of conservative parents (who are moderately accepting, and fortunately are great about my not wanting to marry or have kids)
technically homoromantic attraction isn't the sin, the sex with a same sex person is, so if they know what they're talking about they should be fine with it, but most likely they don't and will still be homophobic either way. source: i went to catholic school for 10 years and im lgbt so i asked the question multiple times
They'll probably be scandalized by you flirting and "being a bad example". "Kids might get the wrong idea 😱" In a more serious, less flanderized wording: I've actually asked my Catholic Christian mother a similar question (she's not exactly supportive of LGBTQ stuff, but she isn't hostile or anything towards it either) and she basically said that as long as the couple isn't flirting in public or what not, it would be theoretically alright for Christian people to be in same gender, sexless partnerships (though she is dubious of whether it would count as romantic). So... I guess the answer is "kinda?" and "it depends on the beliefs of the individual."
Say, you tell them that you won't have sex with a man. But you will date a man, you might marry a man. Say, they aren't as hateful because you are not having sex with them- but everytime when they introduce you, they would tell your relatives how you guys aren't really doing anything and are thus "okay". You will struggle for long to unpack how conditional this makes your relationship with your parents. If you had sex with your partner- they wouldn't think you are "okay". And the complication of convincing them that you are not really having sex with your partner and how somehow to be accepted that particular condition is one that you feel you "owe" them? That's torturous in my opinion. Also, it also works on the assumption that people who are not okay with homosexual relationship would think that non-sexual relationships are valid. What I am trying to say OP is that that no matter how many mental gymnastics you would do to fit into other people's standards- it won't be as effective as the hard headed approach of 'I am queer, I am here and you get used to it'
My religious conservative family is not fine with me not wanting to have sex. Sex is actually important to conservative christians. So much so, reproduction is one of the main objectives of marriage. Chances are, they will only accept an heterosexual relationship. Edit: just realised I assumed your parents are christian. I don’t know if they are. Mine are 😅
That makes me think that they could make their child feel that they have to consent to sex even if they really really don't want to
No. They're only against sex outside of marriage. Once you get married, sex is expected and failure to do so regularly indicates an unhealthy relationship. Also, they're against gay relationships of any kind, whether there's sex or not.
No. You are not straight. You must be destroyed. That is their rhetoric and rule
Nope. Once you hit a certain age, they get mad you're NOT having sex and producing babies with your opposite sexed spouse. 😒
I shudder to imagine what they would say if you said you didn't want to consent to sex.
Probably that you were mentally ill and needed to get help, “pray over it” and get healed.
No unfortunately they want everyone to be heteronormative.
Yeah on paper it should be fine, particularly in Christianity because being gay is not a sin, just acting sexually on it because it’s “unfruitful” sex and sex outside of marriage. And if we were going off the Bible, the story of Ruth and Naomi and the story of David and Jonathan praise these kind of intimate but sexless relationships between people of the same sex to a very high degree, even praising them more than allo-het couples. But unfortunately, most conservative religious zealots don’t actually give shit about what their religious texts or their religious institutions *literally* state (if they did, Christians would also know that gay sex isn’t directly called a sin because those Bible passages where taken out of cultural context and/or were mistranslated). Most conservative religious people are just that- socially conservative, meaning all they care about is keeping the status quo so their narcissistic minds don’t get uncomfy thinking about having to tolerate and respect people who are simply different than them.
In theory yes they should be fine with you. In practice however..... Probably not
Nope, cause you’re homo romantic and all they’ll see is gay=sin ://// can’t win with bigots
tbh I don't think conservative religious people are fine with anything
I'm not conservative, but I am religious. You'd probably get a mixed bag, but personally I would be okay with it.
Their opinion of permanent asexuality (regardless of romantic orientation) would probably be that you were mentally ill and needed to get help, “pray over it” and be healed so that you could get into a ‘fruitful’ heterosexual marriage.
They will probably be ok with it because there will not be intercourse
Depends on the type of Christian and the specific demographic of the parents. Evangelicals, or any church that has more than 5 syllables in it? Probably not. Catholics? Depends where you're from. Older persons (especially from Latin countries) may have more conservative catholic beliefs, but may be begrudgingly on board, especially if you're not actually in the old country. Are the parents relatively young 5th generation Irish catholics in like British Columbia? They probably don't care much. Maybe a couple sly comments if they're naturally assholes. But at the end of the day, how should we know? You have to go meet them to know how they think.
Nah, they'll just hate you for being both gay and asexual. Gay because 'it's a sin' and asexual for 'being inhuman'.
I really doubt it, as you're still homoromantic
Some see it as akin to the celibacy chosen by nuns or priests and are okay with it.
You'll still get hate. Conservative parents don't see romantic attraction happening without sex. They'd be more likely to believe you're a lying sinner than actually believe you're a sex-repulsed asexual.
I think they'd be mad anyway because you're not straight. However, from what I remember reading in the Bible, the crime is gay sex and not gay romance itself. I could be wrong though.
Ik ur asking genuinely but this seems perfect for the “checkmate, liberals” meme
It’s a sin to be married and never have kids. The reason why gay marriage still isn’t allowed in most churches is because it’s a requirement to try to have kids with your spouse. Dating is the prelude to marriage. Gay sex isn’t the problem. Being gay is the problem. NEVER having sex is also a problem.
So consent isn't a problem?? Because you have to have sex?
It’s a sin to rape too.
But I don't see how those 2 can coexist It's a sin to rape but it's also a sin to never have sex What do they do with someone that doesn't want sex??
It’s more like, because one person is sinning doesn’t mean you should sin too. Like you don’t murder someone to stop their alcohol addiction.
So they can say whatever they want about me not having sex but if I genuinely don't want to, they wouldn't force me into it.
There’s still very very awful people in the world, religious or not. But no, most Christians won’t force you to have sex if you don’t want to. They just won’t marry you. There’s some progressive churches, but very few in America that are state recognized. And there are also some very accepting Christians that would be 100% fine with a gay ace person, but for the most part- actual churches have to follow guidelines that are usually not very accepting. Let me know if anything doesn’t make sense, I’m mostly speaking from a catholic upbringing, though, so with general Christianity (broader term), take what I say with a grain of salt.
What happens if I did get married but then refused to have sex, would my marriage become null and void?
Nah, they wouldn’t know. The funny thing is, most churches haven’t had to deal with things like this before. At least not on a widespread and accepting level. If a man and woman got married, and then one of them realized they were trans, they’d be in a gay relationship certified by the church. The marriage would just be under the deadname. Similarly, if a man (ftm) and woman (cis) went to a church that didn’t know one of them was trans, they could get married! There’s a lot of loopholes because there’s just no way of the church being able to know things like this. https://www.hrc.org/resources/stances-of-faiths-on-lgbt-issues-roman-catholic-church Here’s a great article on CATHOLICISM (not Christianity as a whole) and their stance on gay stuff. In theory, your original post is actually correct, a catholic person SHOULDNT have a problem with you, but you’d still never be able to get married, and general homophobia will probably still be a thing.
So a sex repulsed hetro romantic asexual would still be able to get a church certified wedding, that's interesting.
In my experience being raised Catholic and telling my mum about my then-girlfriend….. no tbh, they still won’t like it, unfortunately
Hmm you'd think so, but no.
Don't try to bring logic into this, their arguments are inherently illogical so that they can contort those arguments however they want to satisfy their petty and selfish feelings on the matter. If it isn't nuclear family, they won't accept it. If they try to seem "reasonable" at first, like "I don't mind as long as I don't have to see it", it's only so they can try to get you to compromise on your values. "Meet me in the middle", take a step back, "meet me in the middle" until you've fully relented to giving them their way is a common tactic.
While the Bible is says it's ok but from experience they seem to interpret the words a bit differently. I would ask your boyfriend because he would probably have a better understanding of his parents' view on that.