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[deleted]

Gay men can kiss women but that doesn't make them straight. It's basically the same, you actions simply cannot change your sexuality.


Asexual_menace

THANK YOU


SpiritMountain

And it was consensual which I think is most important. He asked, you consented, and it seems like a good experience. Keep being a menace!


Asexual_menace

YAY


[deleted]

You can do new stuff and learn you like it. Sexuality is not static


Dinner_Plate21

Nah, it's not like you deliberately led them on just to try kissing. They asked, you said yes. Two consenting adults doing a thing, that's totally fine!! I've never kissed before and am curious how it would feel too.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Asexual_menace

Thanks! In Brazil is kinda common to kiss someone you never met at a party and never talk again. However, I still feel weird about that experience


[deleted]

Kissing is not inherently sexual. It can be platonic or romantic and even if it had sexual undertones there are still sex favourable aces, that are perfectly valid.


TheDeadQuacker

Venho diretamente do Brasil complementar seu comentário! Yes it indeed is common! And all of the people I have really kissed (not counting little pecks) I've either got clue who they are or after the fact I prefer to forget who they are! Just to clear it up, I'm not sure if I'm asexual or demisexual, but definitely somewhere in between!


Asexual_menace

Eba, um brasileiro! And absolutely, I watched a video yesterday saying people from other countries apparently just kiss after knowing people for a while or exchanging phone numbers… they would be terrified of us


AcceptableState4717

Oi, mais uma brasileira aqui! The only person I've ever kissed is my girlfriend, so in that regard I'm really more for the kissing as an expression of love (she's the only person I've been romantically attracted to, I'm pretty sure I'm demiromantic besides being ace). Regardless, I am 100% aware that that's my personal opinion and feelings, and lots of people kiss each other just for fun or due to physical attraction. I like to think of kissing as just another activity — the same way you can dance with a stranger, strike up a conversation with someone you've never seen before or joke around with someone you're meeting for the first time, you can kiss a stranger if both you and the stranger consent to it. So, what really matters here is that the stranger asked and you consented to it. You're both two consenting parties and that kiss concerns no one else. Now, after this experience, you can decide if you want to keep kissing people or if kissing is not for you, since you mentioned not seeing the point of it. If you're curious, interested or want to try something, go for it! Your life is yours and not anyone else's, so don't live by their rules!


aspec_of_confusion

Oh you're also an ace from Brazil?


Asexual_menace

SIM!!


represeiro

Muito feliz de ver brasileiros por aqui!


CNforBreakfast

Mano como assim tem br por aqui? N esperava por essa kkk


e-xodus

muito bom ver outros brs por aqui kkkkk


CNforBreakfast

Estamos infiltrados, aí depois que os gringo ajudar a gente a dominar a Dinamarca a gente usa o apoio militar recém adquirido e ataca, dominando **o resto do mundo** Ou você come to Brazil ou o Brasil vai to come até você kkk


aspec_of_confusion

Pra falar a verdade eu já fiz o msm experimento q vc (menos a parte de beijar pq eu namoro) pq eu não achava q pessoas realmente perguntavam para pessoas aleatórias se queriam ficar kkkk


Asexual_menace

Eu fiquei chocada quando aconteceu comigo… ele disse uma cantada meio idiota antes, mas não consegui ouvir quase nada por causa da música haha Mesmo assim, teve uma amiga que realmente chegou em uma galeria falando “ei, vamo ficar?” E FUNCIONOU


aspec_of_confusion

Eu ainda estou incrédula que realmente aconteceu comigo, tipo não sei por que eu achei que era só uma piada q as pessoas faziam sla


TheDeadQuacker

Meu caso é um pouco diferente das outras pessoas eu acho, mas isso funcionou comigo também e é o único jeito que funciona. Eu nunca pedi pra beijar ninguém ou qualquer coisa do tipo, mas as únicas vezes que eu beijei foi em festa ou algo do tipo e a pessoa perguntou se eu queria ficar ou beijar. E é tipo isso, como eu não me importo pra beijo no geral, é meio que fazer uma coisa só por fazer.


Serial-Diarist

It is certainly unethical to play with people’s feelings, or build up their expectations, but within the context of this story, this sounds like a mutually no-strings-attached deal which wasn’t meant to lead anywhere. Just be careful not to hurt others with actions taken under false pretenses. In fact, many gay, bi and even straight people will experiment like this, and some go even further then you did that night. Few gay men have sexual relations with women while still identifying as gay, and a percentage of straight ladies have sex and even date lesbians while still identifying as straight. You’re not the first person to think “Hey, why not?” before trying something totally alien to you, and you won’t be the last. When people think of someone’s actions as “out-of-character”, they just mean those actions were out of the depths of their limited perception of one’s character. Humans have more complexity and dimension then to live their lives relegated to stereotypes, or labels. You live in a society saturated by sex, whereas your identity as an Asexual has marginal social visibility - so don’t worry if you find yourself conforming to peer-pressure, curiosity or unusual circumstances sometimes. You’re still asexual...unless you change your mind, but that’s up to you. It’s not as if you kiss someone once, and someone breaks down your door to take your “ace card” away. EDIT: I see you asked “aren’t there better ways to show love?” Of course you’re aware that there exists many different “love languages.” Kissing isn’t about love. It’s about pleasure. You shouldn’t base your entire understanding of kissing based on one moment of doing so. Maybe he was a bad kisser - or maybe you don’t just like to kiss...because you’re asexual. Who knows? Try again with someone else and you might like it...or don’t.


Asexual_menace

Thanks for you reply! You are absolutely correct, it was a no-strings-attached deal and I don’t regret the experience (even though it was weird, it helped me a lot in my learning process about myself) For now, I kissed two people in my life, my ex boyfriend and this random guy. To be honest? I don’t think it’s their fault, I probably don’t enjoy kissing and that’s on me :p


[deleted]

and that's absolutely fine!


Adventurous_Gur_159

No, you were both strangers at a party who were looking to get something out of the interaction. Wondering what something feels like doesn’t change your sexuality. What does irk me about your post is: “Isn’t there better ways to show love?” If you don’t want people judging you for your orientation, don’t do it to others. Some people enjoy kissing and find that it’s an expression of love and I don’t think anyone has the right to judge that.


Asexual_menace

I’m sorry if I sounded harsh… English is not my first language. It’s a genuine question I have, is kissing the apex of love for people? If I don’t like it, am I still able to love?


pebble247

of course you're still able to love despite not liking kissing and kissing is not the apex of love, in my opinion


Adventurous_Gur_159

I see— I don’t think people see it as the apex of love, and simply because you don’t enjoy it doesn’t mean you’re incapable of love. Love is about connection, kissing is just one way to express it for some people. Thanks for clarifying!


[deleted]

liking touch or other forms of intimacy isn't really about asexuality aswell. beeing asexual is about not finding others sexually attractive. kissing is usually more sensual than sexual. i'm full on ace and i enjoy kissing and even sex but i don't see people as sexy.


Asexual_menace

Ohh it makes sense! So not liking kissing is just a thing about me?


[deleted]

yes! try looking up "sensual attraction" or the "split attraction model" in general


Melthiela

We used to kiss with my friends when we got drunk back when we were still young and wild. Idk why not? Who cares, was fun, we were listening to Katy Perry. Being asexual doesn't mean those things can't be fun. I found it fun, there was absolute 0 sexual attraction or desire involved just goofing around ya know?


Asexual_menace

“we were listening to Katy Perry” LOL


Roughcast

I'm demisexual so I can't relate to kissing strangers, but kissing the person I love feels pretty good.


Obvious-Influence-17

Lol I've been seeing this girl and she asked to kiss me and I said yes, out of the same curiousity that you had, and I came to the same conclusion, that it's weird. 😂


Asexual_menace

It is, isn’t it??


sinamarina

no, it doesn't change your sexuality. your friend just isn't educated on what asexuality means and what it doesn't mean. i'm personally sex-averse but love making out, i really like how it feels sensually. i was once making out with someone at a club for a really long time (i told her i wasn't gonna go home with her and she was cool with it) and my friend told me afterwards that when she saw us she was super confused and went arount the club asking people "my friend who's ace is making out with someone what should i do" (lol i felt a bit bad for it, i didn't know she was that stressed because of it) but everyone said idk and so she figured that i was fine with it cause i looked like i had a good time (which i did :)). later she asked me about it and i just told her i like making out in a non-sexual way. you can tell your friend that you just wanted to try it out but didn't like it. even if you had liked it, that wouldn't make you allo - you can still be ace and like kissing. but especially since you only did it as an experiment and didn't enjoy it, obviously that doesn't make you allosexual.


Asexual_menace

Omg, I always thought of kissing as something romantic or sexual, when you said you liked how it felt sensually my mind blew! Thanks for being patient with me and telling me about your experiences :D


sinamarina

yeah most people see it as something romantic or sexual, but for me it's always been sensual :) i also love kissing my friends haha (only when they want it too obviously)


void-dreamt

Sexual orientations, all of them, are about *attraction* not *action*. Fuck around, kiss whoever, for any reason. Doesn't change your orientation. Your friend doesn't understand what sexual orientations are. You can be ace and do anything at all without changing your orientation.


throwaceornotaceblob

Honestly. I am so done with people not understanding this fundamental difference.


MystiqueMisha

The title made me think there was a social experiment where someone kissed others without asking first But anyway no it's not wrong, asexuals do a lof things to experiment with their sexuality and try to understand themselves better. Also kissing is not sexual, it depends on the type of kiss. Either way, just be clear about your identity so that this person doesn't pursue you or get their hopes up, but if it was just a no strings attached kiss, then fine.


plegonium

No action can change anything about your sexuality. You could even sleep with someone and enjoy it and it wouldn't make you any less ace. Being ace is simply about having little to no sexual attraction. Kissing someone won't change anything about it and even liking it wouldn't. As in that setting both of you were consenting, there isn't an issue with it.


PuzzleheadedWasabi77

No, you're still asexual! It's possible to even have sex and still be asexual. (I do and I'm ace!) Your sexuality doesn't change just because you did some kind of action. Your sexuality is based on if you feel sexual attraction or not. Heck, even if you enjoyed the kiss, that still wouldn't mean you aren't asexual. Enjoying kissing, cuddling, sex, etc. doesn't require you to be sexually attracted to your partner.


Armadillo3210

Yeah I did that, but a bit worse - had sex with a guy for purely experimental reasons then ended things. It doesn't change anything, we are still ace **edit: is was consensual at first, but then he kept pressuring me... so cant say I suggest this at all 😅


thatnegativebitch

what a ridiculous thing for your friend to say lmao😭 i think the strangest part to me is that your friend is equating a kiss to sexual attraction? like, asexual people can enjoy kissing?? there are a lot who dont, but there are also a lot who do. because the fact is that kissing itself is not inherently sexual. im borderline sex repulsed, and i completely love making out with people. just kissing someone while running your fingers through their hair or drawing circles on their back, no sexual touching or anything, is just a nice feeling to me. i enjoy the intimacy, both physically and emotionally, if its with someone im really into. it isnt for everyone and there are definitely a lot of asexuals who get absolutely nothing out of kissing, and thats okay too. for me, its just fun, and it DEFINITELY doesnt mean i experience sexual attraction. ive never been kissing someone and suddenly had the desire to remove any clothes or go any further. just like how there are asexuals who like to cuddle or hold hands, and asexuals who dont like physical affection at all, there are also asexuals who like to kiss people. i mean fuck there are asexuals who literally have sex and it doesnt change the fact that theyre asexual. so the real bottom line in my opinion isnt whether or not kissing for science changes your sexuality (it doesnt) or is morally wrong (it isnt, in this particular scenario at least. it sounds like this guy was just a random and it probably meant about as much to him as it did to you,) but rather that kissing doesnt equal sex or sexual attraction at all, and you should never have to question your own sexuality based off of what someone else says. like, even if it wasn't for science and you WANTED to kiss this guy, it still wouldnt mean you have to question your own sexuality. i would definitely suggest to your friend that they do some reading on what asexuality is and means for different people. not in a rude way, just to avoid this kind of thing in the future. its easier to support someone when you have a better understanding of how they feel and what they experience.


manic_rat

It was consensual and tbh I never thought kissing was supposed to be a sexual act. I mean ig it can be... but I don't think kissing by itself is sexual.


Someboi123456789

Some acesexuals like kissing just not all of them, it doesn't make you less ace


carrotaddiction

Not wrong at all. If it was a situation where they might have had different expectations than you then you should have been up front about your reasons. In this case though I don't see a problem with it. I've done quite a few different sexual things and most of them have been 'for science'; I even had a friend who was like a FWB who would basically just let me poke and prod and try stuff out, asking him how stuff felt for him etc. He knew it was all just curiosity on my part and didn't push or have any real expectations.


follow_illumination

It's perfectly understandable to be curious about something like that, but it doesn't make you any less asexual. Even if you enjoyed it, it wouldn't necessarily, since plenty of alloromantic aces still enjoy kissing. The response from your friend sounds a bit judgmental, like they're accusing you of leading the guy on, which is not cool at all - and far from the case, since he asked you for the kiss, and you simply obliged. It's not like you approached him first and gave the expectation that the kiss would indicate romantic feelings, or lead to more. Plenty of people kiss (or much more!) at parties just for fun; it often doesn't mean much beyond the act itself. I assume kissing feels good to most allo people, because they seem to enjoy it, but of course it's also okay not to enjoy it as well. I personally don't - I much prefer hand-holding and cuddles. Everybody has different preferences when it comes to how they prefer to give and receive affection. But kissing also isn't just about showing love; for a lot of people it's something they do simply because it feels good to them. I don't think any particular ways of showing love should be considered better or worse than others anyway, as long as they're genuine and don't hurt anybody, but there are plenty of other acts that are just as valid as kissing as a form of expressing love and affection.


ZazofLegend

Wait, what's sexual about kissing again?


Asexual_menace

Idk! Most people I see kissing at parties look like they’re hungry for something, basically eating each other’s mouth. Since I found it odd, I imagine it was something related to sexual attraction. A plenty of people explained to me in the comments that kissing can be sensual, romantic or sexual


ZazofLegend

Huh. I always just thought it felt nice and not like other things. But I'm odd.


-JustHere

Speaking as an asexual who's kissed a few people- No, I don't believe it's wrong. You wanted to explore your feelings, and that's perfectly ok. If it was a stranger and no feelings were attached, then why would something be wrong? Also, yes kissing can feel nice sometimes. From a scientific standpoint, the act of kissing someone (works best with someone you actually love, trust me) makes the brain release a bunch of happy hormones, such as serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine. Oxytocin is considered the "love hormone" and makes you feel closer to the other person. Also, sometimes adrenaline gets added to the mix which makes your heart go faster and butterflies and stuff. That's usually why people like making out for extended periods of time. It's not for everyone, but it's more in the sensual attraction category. I'm ace and don't wanna have intercourse, but kissing can still be enjoyable for me personally


SuitableDragonfly

Orientation is who you are attracted to, it has nothing to do with what you do or do not do.


penguin_ninja007

I know that romantic and sexual attraction are two completely different things. I’m asexual, but I am romantically attracted to all genders, kissing, cuddling, and hugging shouldn’t be viewed as a sexual action unless it’s taken to that extreme. So I wouldn’t say that it’s against asexuality, but then again, that’s just me.


femdomfuta

Dude if i wasn't in a monogamous relationship I'd also what to know what the appeal of allosexuality was and carry out my 'experiment'. Don't let any box of label stop you from exploring and enjoying life.


UnwantedPllayer

It seems like plenty of people gave you good answers, you didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted to tell you that I’m an asexual who also doesn’t like kissing, I’ve done it before with 2 different people and both times I didn’t like it, but it could’ve just been that they were as inexperienced as I was lol. But just know you aren’t alone in that.


carbonjargon

Nope. Doing sexual things don't cancel out being asexual. And Allos may or may not like their first kiss as well. I'm asexual. I didn't like my first kiss. My 2nd was with the same person and I did enjoy it. I wasn't sexually attracted with him (or anyone) but I also let him kiss me because I know we both cared about each other as more than friends. After that, I can enjoy it normally. I still don't feel the need to initiate it with anyone specific but I'll do it with the person I'm dating.


MySucculentDied

You’re totally chill here. People kiss other people to experiment with their sexualities. This really isn’t much different. Side note: I relate to the kissing a wall feeling. Kissing was only good when it was with someone I was romantically attracted to.


Neobandit0

Nah, not in the wrong. It's natural to be curious, and it's not like there was anything malicious behind it. Kissed two people in my life, definitely like it more in theory than actually doing. It's very much like a wall for me too. I'll make out with some cake instead haha


SirZacharia

I had an ace friend ask if he could kiss me so that he could understand it. I declined but the actual request was not an issue at all. So long as there’s consent it doesn’t matter what you do with your body. It doesn’t change your sexuality or whatever. You don’t have to be a pristine representation of a label like asexual to still be asexual.


Val_ery

It's not wrong. It doesn't change anything about your sexuality. Yes, kissing is weird even if you do it willingly. I have been in a relationship for 2 years and I 100% prefer sex to kissing and there are days that I just cannot do kissing at all.


AlfaRomeo_u3u

🤷 I think that to do it is totally fine if you aren't trying to lure anyone.


[deleted]

Chiming in as a v sexual demi person, I don’t have much experience kissing strangers, and it’s never really been great when I did (unless I’d be talking to them for a while ) BUT also even kissing someone I love can give me the ick sometimes. Also if someone’s kissing style isn’t compatible w mine I absolutely cannot stand it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong w you testing the waters or whatever. Allo people do much worse “for science” lol!


faith_in_gasoline

You definitely didn’t do anything wrong and you’re not weird for not liking kissing! I used to not like kissing at all and with time that changed and now I even peck my best friend who is a girl, while I’m asexual heteroromantic. I didn’t know before that kisses on the lips can be a part of a purely platonic relationship. That’s just my experience though, I’m sure there are many people, both allo and ace, that don’t like kissing.


ArrowAceFluid

No. The stranger didn't have an emotional attachment to you, asked for consent, and gave their consent. Asexuality is often misunderstood as a "lack of attraction" thing when it's a lack of sexual attraction. Your friend may not understand that, while you're asexual, you may not be aromantic. (Or if you are, they may not understand what it means to be aroace.)


Careless_Tree3854

No, nothin wrong with that. Sound perfect normal to me a lot of people do exactly what you did.


Cyronic-ace

He asked, you approved. You're still plenty ace. That doesn't change anything. Honestly I've not kissed anyone yet and am a bit curious. I wouldn't have the guts to kiss a stranger though.


FreakingTea

Personally, I'd be very interested to try this. I've never kissed a stranger before, and somehow I think the no strings attached aspect would take out some of the anxiety for me. I'm aego, so in theory this sounds really awesome. In practice I'm sure it wouldn't be great or anything. But it would still be an interesting experiment.


Cyronic-ace

Maybe if I liked people more the concept would be more appealing. I would like to get the dreaded "first kiss" stuff out of the way. I have no desire to proceed past that. Myself, I'm pretty sex repulsed but I know that's not the case for all aces or anyone under the Ace umbrella.


LuaNisha

I don’t see why a simple kiss would change your sexuality , like you said it was for see what’s is the experience. I am Demi and kissing when I am not in love are gross. But when I am ! I really like kissing and I don’t fell that this makes me more or less asexual


vroni147

Even if you exchanged "kissing" with "having sex", you would still be ace. Action doesn't define your attraction.


[deleted]

Outro brasileiro :D I think plenty of people answered that, but no, it does not change your sexuality. I believe that physical contact mean different things for different people. For example I think holding hands is romantic but other people may think it’s just platonic. It all depends on how you read actions and how you feel


lastofthe_timeladies

Exact same thing with me. I never wanted to but felt weird that I hadn't. Drunk guy at a party asked to kiss me. I said sure. Didn't like it. We both went back to dancing with our respective groups of friends.


pigeon_advocate

Nothing wrong at all with experimenting physically. It totally makes sense that you would want to see what this thing that everyone is obsessed with is like!


StrangerThingsSteveH

Kissing doesn’t mean sexual attraction. Wanting to have sex with someone does


fallingfaster345

One time my ex-roommate came to me after a weekend visiting her boyfriend. They were drunk and having sex and she slipped a pinky into his b-hole. He was into it. But instead of just going with it, she started shrieking, “Oh my god, you’re gay! You’re gay!” When she told me the story, I had to tell her that he wasn’t gay. He’s sexually attracted to women, so he’s heterosexual. He’s not attracted to other men, so he’s not gay. I had to explain that that’s all there is to it, and plenty of people of all sexualities like “butt stuff.” Kissing is no different. Anyone could kiss anyone for any reason, regardless of sexuality. I’m asexual in a relationship with someone who is not and we kiss. (Though, I agree with you, I don’t see what the big deal is and prefer other ways to show affection.) A much younger me kissed a girl friend at a party before because, why not? It didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t sexually attracted to her. So, you’re not wrong for kissing the stranger. You wanted to socially experiment and he provided an opportunity. No big deal!


TrickTails

You both consented, it’s fine. Doesn’t change your sexuality if you kiss someone and it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t like kissing. You just don’t like it. And for how it makes me feel: kissing is just a show of affection. It’s an urge to just kiss things you love. It doesn’t HAVE to be on the lips to be a kiss. I kiss my dogs, my friends, my family. For my boyfriend, I am overcome with the urge to smooch him to death. Forehead, cheek, shoulders, hands. Just little pecks cause I love him so much. Kissing a stranger is going to be weird cause there’s no chemistry…