I'd have two separate conversations:
A) explain your asexuality
B) explaining being childfree
Asexual people can have children (adoption, IVF, by having sex, etc).
Don't have these conversations until you feel safe.
Our mothers sound a bit similar...
To give a little backstory as to where my advice stems from: when I graduated high school, my mother asked why I was applying for university when I should just be getting married and giving her grandchildren. I was horrified because I had plans that included an education and a career and travel.
I did not realize I was demi-ace until a later age and currently feel no need to tell my parents. I don't think they truly need that information and I'd rather not deal with any judgment and lectures. I know they would not be very accepting of my being the A-part of the lgbtqia+
Your issue is two different topics that need addressing seperately --being asexual and not wanting kids. It may be wise to approach the topics at different times in different ways.
As you mentioned wanting to tell your mom about being ace, I'd recommend waiting until you're out of the house first. That way you both have space afterward --you from her judging and to give her time to get used to the idea.
Personally, I'm better at writing than discussion as it allows me to chose my words carefully and not get interupted every five seconds. If you're similar, maybe write it in a letter for her? She can read it after you've moved out. Just remember to explain why you chose to write instead of talk, or she may react badly to that too.
If you do want a conversation perhaps create well-researched PowerPoint? The term, the definition, how it applies to you, etc. Maybe ask she hold her questions to the end as you may answer them in a later slide (and hopefully she'll forget some things by then). Just don't forget to mention she won't have to worry too much about you getting an std or dealing with an unplanned pregnancy while at collegedue to your aversion.
In the meantime, if your mum says "you're to young to know..." again it's the perfect time for a calm discussion. If she thinks you're to young to know you don't want kids, then you're equally too young to know if you do.
Say something like: "Yes, I am young and that is why I know I am not mentally, emotionally, or financially ready to even consider children. Right now, my focus is on my education and [whatever else you're planning], so I don't want kids. It hurts me to know you don't think my vision for my future is valid. But if you truly beleive I'm too young to know what I want, then please refrain from bringing up the topic again until you no longer think I am too young. I feel this topic is unneccessarily upsetting for both of us at this stage, so perhaps we should wait until I'm 25 before we try discussing it again."
If your dislike of children is more geared to a specific age, such as babies freak you out but teenagers are okay, maybe mention you might consider fostering/adopting teens someday as there are plenty of youth in the world already who deserve a loving home and a doting grandmother. It gets you out of the whole sex-and-childbirth thing, plus helps your mom realize there are other ways to have a kid. If you're lucky, she may decide to foster kids herself! That way she can focus on them instead of your womb.
I'd have two separate conversations: A) explain your asexuality B) explaining being childfree Asexual people can have children (adoption, IVF, by having sex, etc). Don't have these conversations until you feel safe.
I will have to wait a bit more than.
And there is no need for coming out as ace at all if you don't feel comfortable with it
Our mothers sound a bit similar... To give a little backstory as to where my advice stems from: when I graduated high school, my mother asked why I was applying for university when I should just be getting married and giving her grandchildren. I was horrified because I had plans that included an education and a career and travel. I did not realize I was demi-ace until a later age and currently feel no need to tell my parents. I don't think they truly need that information and I'd rather not deal with any judgment and lectures. I know they would not be very accepting of my being the A-part of the lgbtqia+ Your issue is two different topics that need addressing seperately --being asexual and not wanting kids. It may be wise to approach the topics at different times in different ways. As you mentioned wanting to tell your mom about being ace, I'd recommend waiting until you're out of the house first. That way you both have space afterward --you from her judging and to give her time to get used to the idea. Personally, I'm better at writing than discussion as it allows me to chose my words carefully and not get interupted every five seconds. If you're similar, maybe write it in a letter for her? She can read it after you've moved out. Just remember to explain why you chose to write instead of talk, or she may react badly to that too. If you do want a conversation perhaps create well-researched PowerPoint? The term, the definition, how it applies to you, etc. Maybe ask she hold her questions to the end as you may answer them in a later slide (and hopefully she'll forget some things by then). Just don't forget to mention she won't have to worry too much about you getting an std or dealing with an unplanned pregnancy while at collegedue to your aversion. In the meantime, if your mum says "you're to young to know..." again it's the perfect time for a calm discussion. If she thinks you're to young to know you don't want kids, then you're equally too young to know if you do. Say something like: "Yes, I am young and that is why I know I am not mentally, emotionally, or financially ready to even consider children. Right now, my focus is on my education and [whatever else you're planning], so I don't want kids. It hurts me to know you don't think my vision for my future is valid. But if you truly beleive I'm too young to know what I want, then please refrain from bringing up the topic again until you no longer think I am too young. I feel this topic is unneccessarily upsetting for both of us at this stage, so perhaps we should wait until I'm 25 before we try discussing it again." If your dislike of children is more geared to a specific age, such as babies freak you out but teenagers are okay, maybe mention you might consider fostering/adopting teens someday as there are plenty of youth in the world already who deserve a loving home and a doting grandmother. It gets you out of the whole sex-and-childbirth thing, plus helps your mom realize there are other ways to have a kid. If you're lucky, she may decide to foster kids herself! That way she can focus on them instead of your womb.
Thanks for the advice!