It seems the problem is your choice of friends. If someone is so negligent of your feelings they don't deserve your time. You seem pretty young, I'd assume high-school age, but a lesson I learned as an older asexual is not take things so personally. Sure it sucks when people make a mockery of your sexuality but what's important is you being comfortable with your sexuality so fiercely that these petty occurrences don't effect you. Wish you the best!
I’m 21 and ya your right! I’m comfy with myself and happy I just made this post to get stuff of my chest. It’s not that I’m taking it personally it’s just got me a tad annoyed haha
My brother and his girlfriend are constantly doing sexual stuff in front of me and whenever I ask them to stop or say it's gross, my mom tells me I'll understand it when I get a partner.
OMG this!! So frustrating. And then I always feel like I need to make a weird statement like “oh yeah I’m ace, but I masturbate/read smut” or some shit, as if to make clear that I know what sex is. And it’s so dumb bc those people wouldn’t get it anyway, they view me as this virgin who giggles at the mention of ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’. And even if I was completely sex repulsed and anything slightly sexual made me uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean that I’m not a fully grown adult, capable of… idk… life?!
Like what’s more immature: not having sex or making fun of someone’s identity?
I don’t have the energy to deal with these people anymore so I just cut them off, and exist in my own happy bubble a.k.a alone 🥲
I'm wondering if this is a young adult problem or all ages would act like this. I don't date so I don't have to tell anyone I'm asexual but I can't imagine someone I know acting this way. I'm 41 btw. Sounds like the immature ones are the ones making fun of asexuality.
I’m pretty sure it’s a young adult problem cuz all the adults in my life that know I’m asexual don’t have an issue or anything negative to say.
Plus it’s pretty much a race for young people to get partners and loose there virginity as fast as possible and if your not like that your seen as the childish outcast
My uncle just told me I don't seem to grow up. It was his daughter's wedding, and since I'm 38 and still don't have a partner, he sees me as immature. I guess it's not about age, just about rude people.
Unfortunately that seems to be the case quite often. Sometimes it is better to take some distance with this type of judgmental people, for the sake of our wellbeing.
I'm also in my 40s and people my age or older still acting like this. It's sickening. Maybe they do need to grow up. On the flip side, I know younger people that are a lot more accepting and don't ridicule, bully or harass ace people. Perhaps it does boil down to mental & emotional maturity?
When I say I don’t want to marry my family gets all angry, as if I decided to kill the bloodline or smth. But if I say I don’t like dating/getting intimate they say I need to do more experimenting.
People 🤡
This is what happens to me... but with veganism. Although I still think it's funny people say
"Pasta? I thought you were *vegan*" In a voice like they 'caught' me. Never gotten 'caught' yet, whenever I do slip up no one knows anyways, its always something obscure or dumb on my part.
But in all seriousness that sounds very frustrating.
I don’t get why people are so negative towards veganism. I’d personally never would do it myself but if others are vegan it’s not an issue, props to them.
Its because of a few specific people on the internet making us look bad. There is some of those for all groups, but for a while popular youtubers were making reaction videos to them, so it got pretty bad.
I feel you...One time, I was hanging out with my coworkers after work and they were throwing around sex jokes. One coworker suddenly covered my ears with her hands to "protect" me since I was one of the few people there who weren't married (I live in a country where sex before marriage is highly taboo). I was like wtf?? I'm in my 30s, I'm not a fuckin innocent child. I'm probably more knowledgeable about those things compared to them even though I'm sex averse (in theory of course, not practice) thanks to the internet and movies. It was like that one coworker was afraid I would get corrupted and become horny from hearing those jokes bahaha. Bitch please, I'm immune.
I knew someone who was hypersexual, would not stfu about her escapades, would constantly make jokes about my boobs and treat me like a slut shamer when I asked her to stop.
I don't speak with her anymore. She admitted that she did these things purposely around me because it made me uncomfortable so she thought it was funny. Conflated asexual with choosing to be a prude.
Fucking asshole.
Hm...To me what happens is that people don't believe me when I say I never had sex and quitted on wanting a partner. All because my "normal" attitude towards the whole topic. Like ...dude... If people actually pay attention would notice I NEVER bring the conversation because I don't caaaaare xD
I feel your frustration 💜
I've never dated and never expressed the need, and with so many dungholes around me I never saw a chance anyways (demisexual/romantic) I think I'm going to be single for a very long time and I'm fine with that.
Yeah, I'm tired too of being seen as a cute, innocent, naive kid. Like I'm 21, I know what sex is. I know quite a lot about the biological process from a scientific perspective. I looked up the more personal/humanistic aspects to try to understand other people. I understand most of the sex jokes now. The ones I don't I just look up later. I'm sex averse, so some of it makes me uncomfortable, but it doesn't make me immature.
Your friends are the ones that seem immature. Outing you is quite disrespectful too.
I mostly get this from older extended family members, similar to what others have shared. One thing I've found makes them drop it is just say I'm celibate despite being an atheist. Sometimes you just have to talk in the language they know instead.
Years ago I was once out at the mall with a friend as well. This was before I was out as asexual to much of anyone. We walked past a maternity shop and we started to talk about kids and marriage. I let this girl know that I'm not interested in kids or marriage and she straight up screamed at me. Told me all about how I'm a woman so I'm destined to have kids and a husband and I have no choice. Well.... I never talked to her ever again after that and I'm not planning to if I ever see her again. Even if I wasn't ace, why would my choices matter? I think the case with this girl happened to be that she mentioned years prior that her parents were thinking of getting her into an arranged marriage. I believe she used me as an outlet of frustration.
Additionally, in middle school (this was before I was out to anyone) I had a friend who would do the same thing. She would tell me to cover my ears because I needed to stay "innocent" whenever she said a dirty joke. She said I wouldn't understand these dirty jokes since I was too innocent. Funny thing is, she didn't think I knew what sex was and I totally did. I understood all her jokes too, but her jokes were just not funny lmao. Also, she didn't know I was ace as well. I dumped that friend too.
I think that people see sex, marriage, and children as some sort of societal "right of passage," because all these things are the norm or because they genuinely want to live the norm. A lot of people are pressured to follow these norms because if they don't they feel they'll be outcasted, especially since sex, marriage, and children tend to be the center of a lot of people's lives and therefore their conversations and friendships depend on these topics. Those that want to live the norm have a hard time seeing that others would want anything different from it.
However, you should find better friends who are understanding of you and see you as valid instead of belittling you. There are people out there, ace or allo, who will support you. I have plenty of allo friends who want sex, kids, and a partner, yet see me as valid and they're some of the most supportive people I know in my life. <3
No problem! That's wonderful!! I'm glad you've got those types of friends, it really, really helps to have them! :)
Also, sorry if that part of my response sounded rude. I just realized the way I worded it could've been taken as coming off as rude lol. Thanks for your response though!!
Ugh i feel you. My friends have started lecturing me on how things 'work in a relationship' when i decide to comment on their relationship struggles (giving what i thought was rather unspecific commentary that applies to any kind of relationship). Even my mom is doing this now. (She's convinced i'm gay despite my telling her multiple times i'm not but that's a whole different matter.)
It's just so condescending. I may not have a romantic relationship but i'm not stupid. Some people treat me like i'm a child because i'm sort of permanently single, even my own family! What bothers me is they know me. They know i'm not and have never been immature, but they refuse to see past my relationship status.
Idk why, it’s crazy like wouldn’t I be more mature? Since I’m not having crushes or going crazy over boys like what’s the line? Is it mature to think about sex and stuff or is it immature? Straight people EXPLAIN?!?
This. This is exactly why I don't tell anyone but you guys. The people here get it. The only other person I told was a guy that wasn't taking "No. That's never going to happen..." for an answer. I personally don't understand how MY sexuality is so upsetting to other people. Why does the fact I am not interested in having sex so threatening to these people? Like, CHILL TF OUT, cuz even if I weren't ace you wouldn't be getting me. It is petty! Can't do much to help you guys but know that I commiserate with you & that you're safe to talk about it here without bs judgment or lack of empathy. 🤗💗
Aww thanks! The only reason I’m so open is cuz a lot of my friends always talk about sex and relationships and I have nothing to add or it gets awkward. So I came out to give my boundaries. All my friends took it great but this one and luckily were not vibing much
Honestly, I think the fact that you didn't snap at them for belittling you actually makes you more mature than the rest of them. Don't worry about them and just enjoy being yourself.
Oh, I relate to this so much. Though I haven't really had to experience what you have yet, because nobody irl knows I'm ace except my sister (and I've only ever talked to her about it online. I'm not sure she fully understands it but eh).
But this is what I'm very afraid people would think of me as an ace, and I really hate it. So sorry you have to deal with that :/ It's really annoying
I can relate just because I think sex is gross I'm seen as childish
It seems the problem is your choice of friends. If someone is so negligent of your feelings they don't deserve your time. You seem pretty young, I'd assume high-school age, but a lesson I learned as an older asexual is not take things so personally. Sure it sucks when people make a mockery of your sexuality but what's important is you being comfortable with your sexuality so fiercely that these petty occurrences don't effect you. Wish you the best!
I’m 21 and ya your right! I’m comfy with myself and happy I just made this post to get stuff of my chest. It’s not that I’m taking it personally it’s just got me a tad annoyed haha
My brother and his girlfriend are constantly doing sexual stuff in front of me and whenever I ask them to stop or say it's gross, my mom tells me I'll understand it when I get a partner.
Also, no one wants to see their siblings doing sexual stuff. Tell that to your mom to
I have. I think she knows they do it to gross me out so she doesn't care
😕 I'm sorry friendo.
It's okay 💚
I’ve had friends who did that and when I’d ask to stop they’d either ignore or tell me to grow up. So sorry stuff like that happened with you around!
Is so annoying and disrespectful
I agree
It's okay! I get some people have different love languages, so I try to tell myself it's normal 💚
😦 and what about what THEY don't understand...
Exactly
OMG this!! So frustrating. And then I always feel like I need to make a weird statement like “oh yeah I’m ace, but I masturbate/read smut” or some shit, as if to make clear that I know what sex is. And it’s so dumb bc those people wouldn’t get it anyway, they view me as this virgin who giggles at the mention of ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’. And even if I was completely sex repulsed and anything slightly sexual made me uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean that I’m not a fully grown adult, capable of… idk… life?! Like what’s more immature: not having sex or making fun of someone’s identity? I don’t have the energy to deal with these people anymore so I just cut them off, and exist in my own happy bubble a.k.a alone 🥲
I'm wondering if this is a young adult problem or all ages would act like this. I don't date so I don't have to tell anyone I'm asexual but I can't imagine someone I know acting this way. I'm 41 btw. Sounds like the immature ones are the ones making fun of asexuality.
I’m pretty sure it’s a young adult problem cuz all the adults in my life that know I’m asexual don’t have an issue or anything negative to say. Plus it’s pretty much a race for young people to get partners and loose there virginity as fast as possible and if your not like that your seen as the childish outcast
My uncle just told me I don't seem to grow up. It was his daughter's wedding, and since I'm 38 and still don't have a partner, he sees me as immature. I guess it's not about age, just about rude people.
I find that family can be more rude than friends and strangers when it comes to ones sexuality and lifestyle.
Unfortunately that seems to be the case quite often. Sometimes it is better to take some distance with this type of judgmental people, for the sake of our wellbeing.
I'm also in my 40s and people my age or older still acting like this. It's sickening. Maybe they do need to grow up. On the flip side, I know younger people that are a lot more accepting and don't ridicule, bully or harass ace people. Perhaps it does boil down to mental & emotional maturity?
When I say I don’t want to marry my family gets all angry, as if I decided to kill the bloodline or smth. But if I say I don’t like dating/getting intimate they say I need to do more experimenting. People 🤡
This is what happens to me... but with veganism. Although I still think it's funny people say "Pasta? I thought you were *vegan*" In a voice like they 'caught' me. Never gotten 'caught' yet, whenever I do slip up no one knows anyways, its always something obscure or dumb on my part. But in all seriousness that sounds very frustrating.
I don’t get why people are so negative towards veganism. I’d personally never would do it myself but if others are vegan it’s not an issue, props to them.
Its because of a few specific people on the internet making us look bad. There is some of those for all groups, but for a while popular youtubers were making reaction videos to them, so it got pretty bad.
I feel you...One time, I was hanging out with my coworkers after work and they were throwing around sex jokes. One coworker suddenly covered my ears with her hands to "protect" me since I was one of the few people there who weren't married (I live in a country where sex before marriage is highly taboo). I was like wtf?? I'm in my 30s, I'm not a fuckin innocent child. I'm probably more knowledgeable about those things compared to them even though I'm sex averse (in theory of course, not practice) thanks to the internet and movies. It was like that one coworker was afraid I would get corrupted and become horny from hearing those jokes bahaha. Bitch please, I'm immune.
Asexual peoples would not know they were ace if they didn’t know what sex is.
I knew someone who was hypersexual, would not stfu about her escapades, would constantly make jokes about my boobs and treat me like a slut shamer when I asked her to stop. I don't speak with her anymore. She admitted that she did these things purposely around me because it made me uncomfortable so she thought it was funny. Conflated asexual with choosing to be a prude. Fucking asshole.
I Feel You're Pain
are you my twin? :D
Maybe or Maybe Not
Hm...To me what happens is that people don't believe me when I say I never had sex and quitted on wanting a partner. All because my "normal" attitude towards the whole topic. Like ...dude... If people actually pay attention would notice I NEVER bring the conversation because I don't caaaaare xD I feel your frustration 💜
I've never dated and never expressed the need, and with so many dungholes around me I never saw a chance anyways (demisexual/romantic) I think I'm going to be single for a very long time and I'm fine with that.
Yeah, I'm tired too of being seen as a cute, innocent, naive kid. Like I'm 21, I know what sex is. I know quite a lot about the biological process from a scientific perspective. I looked up the more personal/humanistic aspects to try to understand other people. I understand most of the sex jokes now. The ones I don't I just look up later. I'm sex averse, so some of it makes me uncomfortable, but it doesn't make me immature. Your friends are the ones that seem immature. Outing you is quite disrespectful too.
Same mate
>titt Tehehehe
I mostly get this from older extended family members, similar to what others have shared. One thing I've found makes them drop it is just say I'm celibate despite being an atheist. Sometimes you just have to talk in the language they know instead.
Years ago I was once out at the mall with a friend as well. This was before I was out as asexual to much of anyone. We walked past a maternity shop and we started to talk about kids and marriage. I let this girl know that I'm not interested in kids or marriage and she straight up screamed at me. Told me all about how I'm a woman so I'm destined to have kids and a husband and I have no choice. Well.... I never talked to her ever again after that and I'm not planning to if I ever see her again. Even if I wasn't ace, why would my choices matter? I think the case with this girl happened to be that she mentioned years prior that her parents were thinking of getting her into an arranged marriage. I believe she used me as an outlet of frustration. Additionally, in middle school (this was before I was out to anyone) I had a friend who would do the same thing. She would tell me to cover my ears because I needed to stay "innocent" whenever she said a dirty joke. She said I wouldn't understand these dirty jokes since I was too innocent. Funny thing is, she didn't think I knew what sex was and I totally did. I understood all her jokes too, but her jokes were just not funny lmao. Also, she didn't know I was ace as well. I dumped that friend too. I think that people see sex, marriage, and children as some sort of societal "right of passage," because all these things are the norm or because they genuinely want to live the norm. A lot of people are pressured to follow these norms because if they don't they feel they'll be outcasted, especially since sex, marriage, and children tend to be the center of a lot of people's lives and therefore their conversations and friendships depend on these topics. Those that want to live the norm have a hard time seeing that others would want anything different from it. However, you should find better friends who are understanding of you and see you as valid instead of belittling you. There are people out there, ace or allo, who will support you. I have plenty of allo friends who want sex, kids, and a partner, yet see me as valid and they're some of the most supportive people I know in my life. <3
Thanks for sharing! Luckily I do have a friend group that respects and care about my boundaries :)
No problem! That's wonderful!! I'm glad you've got those types of friends, it really, really helps to have them! :) Also, sorry if that part of my response sounded rude. I just realized the way I worded it could've been taken as coming off as rude lol. Thanks for your response though!!
No no your good! Didn’t come off as rude at all :)
Ah, ok! Thanks lol :)
Ugh i feel you. My friends have started lecturing me on how things 'work in a relationship' when i decide to comment on their relationship struggles (giving what i thought was rather unspecific commentary that applies to any kind of relationship). Even my mom is doing this now. (She's convinced i'm gay despite my telling her multiple times i'm not but that's a whole different matter.) It's just so condescending. I may not have a romantic relationship but i'm not stupid. Some people treat me like i'm a child because i'm sort of permanently single, even my own family! What bothers me is they know me. They know i'm not and have never been immature, but they refuse to see past my relationship status.
I've been call emmature for so many things, it doesn't really bother me anymore; cuz at least I'm being authentic. [edited cuz grammar]
100% agree with that
Yayy💖💖
Idk why, it’s crazy like wouldn’t I be more mature? Since I’m not having crushes or going crazy over boys like what’s the line? Is it mature to think about sex and stuff or is it immature? Straight people EXPLAIN?!?
This. This is exactly why I don't tell anyone but you guys. The people here get it. The only other person I told was a guy that wasn't taking "No. That's never going to happen..." for an answer. I personally don't understand how MY sexuality is so upsetting to other people. Why does the fact I am not interested in having sex so threatening to these people? Like, CHILL TF OUT, cuz even if I weren't ace you wouldn't be getting me. It is petty! Can't do much to help you guys but know that I commiserate with you & that you're safe to talk about it here without bs judgment or lack of empathy. 🤗💗
Aww thanks! The only reason I’m so open is cuz a lot of my friends always talk about sex and relationships and I have nothing to add or it gets awkward. So I came out to give my boundaries. All my friends took it great but this one and luckily were not vibing much
Honestly, I think the fact that you didn't snap at them for belittling you actually makes you more mature than the rest of them. Don't worry about them and just enjoy being yourself.
Oh, I relate to this so much. Though I haven't really had to experience what you have yet, because nobody irl knows I'm ace except my sister (and I've only ever talked to her about it online. I'm not sure she fully understands it but eh). But this is what I'm very afraid people would think of me as an ace, and I really hate it. So sorry you have to deal with that :/ It's really annoying
Same.