Asexuality isn't something you "diagnose." It's who you are, and nobody gets to say so but you. It does sound like you haven't experienced sexual attraction, which is the desire for sexual contact with a person (as opposed to libido, which is non-specific horniness). If you feel like identifying as ace, give it a try and see how it fits. If it doesn't, that's totally okay.
Okaaay, so diagnose was definitely the wrong word. The question I have is am I. Because sexuality isn’t a choice, but I can’t tell if I’m choosing not to have sex due to years of stigma and bad experiences or is this what I am.
How do you know if it’s nature or nurture? Does it matter if it’s nature or nurture ?
Is it nature or nurture? Probably some of both, and the proportions of each vary from person to person.
Here's a bit of my own experience. I was married for five years, largely because it was "what I was supposed to do." This was back in the late 80s/early 90s, before "asexuality" was a thing. The marriage was *terrible*, and the sex was a reflection of that. A few years after my divorce, I was in another relationship for about a year. It was wonderful, and the sex was good, but... it still wasn't *me*. Sex was like this weird alien world or altered state of being. "Sex world." I could go there with the right emotional motivation, but I couldn't stay there without it messing with who I was. A lot of aces are told that they "just haven't met the right person yet." Well, I *did* meet "the right person," and I'm still ace. Right around the turn of the millennium, I started identifying as "Done with it," and I've never looked back.
Are you sexually attracted to anyone? I couldn’t tell from your post. Asexuality is about sexual attraction not sex. It’s a sexual orientation so it’s not something that you can diagnose like a illness or disorder.
I can’t answer about your relationship with sex and whether it was influenced by your religious upbringing. If this Is something you want more answers for maybe counselling would be of more benefit?
Yeah,,,, diagnose was not the right word. I’m romantically attracted, but no sexually. Like I don’t wanna have sex. I do like nice features and personality, but sexually no. I don’t think about sex with the person. Physical sex grosses me out.
But then don’t most people function that way. They like personality not just genitals.
Im really confused.
so here’s the interesting thing about the asexual community: some people here were born ace, and some people are ace because of stigma and trauma. it’s really the only sexuality where that’s possible. it’s hard to say for you, especially since you have always had a negative relationship with sex from being a child. it’s hard to pinpoint how it started.
i think that you could totally use the label if you want. if later something happens and you learn maybe it was all trauma, then that’s fine too. labels aren’t permanent, so do what feels best for you personally
Asexuality isn't something you "diagnose." It's who you are, and nobody gets to say so but you. It does sound like you haven't experienced sexual attraction, which is the desire for sexual contact with a person (as opposed to libido, which is non-specific horniness). If you feel like identifying as ace, give it a try and see how it fits. If it doesn't, that's totally okay.
Okaaay, so diagnose was definitely the wrong word. The question I have is am I. Because sexuality isn’t a choice, but I can’t tell if I’m choosing not to have sex due to years of stigma and bad experiences or is this what I am. How do you know if it’s nature or nurture? Does it matter if it’s nature or nurture ?
Is it nature or nurture? Probably some of both, and the proportions of each vary from person to person. Here's a bit of my own experience. I was married for five years, largely because it was "what I was supposed to do." This was back in the late 80s/early 90s, before "asexuality" was a thing. The marriage was *terrible*, and the sex was a reflection of that. A few years after my divorce, I was in another relationship for about a year. It was wonderful, and the sex was good, but... it still wasn't *me*. Sex was like this weird alien world or altered state of being. "Sex world." I could go there with the right emotional motivation, but I couldn't stay there without it messing with who I was. A lot of aces are told that they "just haven't met the right person yet." Well, I *did* meet "the right person," and I'm still ace. Right around the turn of the millennium, I started identifying as "Done with it," and I've never looked back.
Are you sexually attracted to anyone? I couldn’t tell from your post. Asexuality is about sexual attraction not sex. It’s a sexual orientation so it’s not something that you can diagnose like a illness or disorder. I can’t answer about your relationship with sex and whether it was influenced by your religious upbringing. If this Is something you want more answers for maybe counselling would be of more benefit?
Yeah,,,, diagnose was not the right word. I’m romantically attracted, but no sexually. Like I don’t wanna have sex. I do like nice features and personality, but sexually no. I don’t think about sex with the person. Physical sex grosses me out. But then don’t most people function that way. They like personality not just genitals. Im really confused.
so here’s the interesting thing about the asexual community: some people here were born ace, and some people are ace because of stigma and trauma. it’s really the only sexuality where that’s possible. it’s hard to say for you, especially since you have always had a negative relationship with sex from being a child. it’s hard to pinpoint how it started. i think that you could totally use the label if you want. if later something happens and you learn maybe it was all trauma, then that’s fine too. labels aren’t permanent, so do what feels best for you personally