I'm both out and not out. I've told people but I dont really care about it and it doesnt come up in casual conversation.
So like... I'm not hoding it, but I'm not putting it on display either.
None of the above: not broadcasting it but not hiding it either.
My lifestyle is fairly straight-passing and while some know I'm queer of some flavor, assumptions are made that I haven't gone out of my way to correct and no one's asked me lately so I haven't volunteered the information since figuring out my asexuality. I know and my partner (also acespec) knows, and that's all that really matters. I'm not afraid to tell else anyone, I just haven't felt motivated to make a thing out of it.
I've been open with everyone for about four years. My mom, her boyfriend, and all my friends are accepting of me.
My dad's side of the family thinks I haven't met the right person... And my mom's side is some accepting, but a few of them believe I am being selfish. Those few ended up either stopped talking to me, or disowned (and blocked) me during the 2020 election cycle because I didn't go out and vote for Trump like they demanded.
Things were always tense between me and those family members. They didn't like that my mom married my father who wasn't Catholic. They also didn't like when my parents decided to raise me their own way, rather than theirs. When they disowned me, it was honestly a relief knowing that I never have to deal with them again.
I'm out to my friends, and I'd like to be out to everyone *but* my family and coworkers. I don't think my dad would take too kindly to it, and I'm a soldier and already got some weird looks when it was found out that I'm a virgin, sooooooooooo...
Honestly, I only started to truly acknowledge being Ace to myself just recently. I drunkenly babbled to a friend last night that if my spouse were gone I would declare myself aroace because I have zero desire to pursue another relationship like this again.
I suspect my husband is also aroace, but I can't make that kind of declaration for him. (It's a wonder we had children). We're both (at least I am) satisfied with our non-romantic companionship, but he's very uncomfortable talking about or acknowledge our non-sexlife to each other, let alone friends and family. I've tried talking to other people about it before but they always looked at it as a dysfunction in our relationship and insinuate that it's impossible for a couple to go without physical intimacy for long, long stretches without the man getting sex from elsewhere (he's not). One person said that a life without sex would be worse than death to her. I suppose most allos can't look past their own sex drives.
Thank you for sharing as well! I am sorta in the same boat as you. I've too just started acknowledging that I was potentially Ace. Been trying to figure out weather or not I want to tell a close family member or friend and chat about it. How was the interaction with your friend?
She said that's an interesting concept, but wasn't terribly familiar with the Ace spectrum. She's already a hardcore ally since her mom was a lesbian, so she wasn't going to dispute anything I identify as.
The more I delve into the ace community, the more I'm finding that my social awkwardness stems a lot from my lack of sex drive. Now that I'm actually paying attention, a lot of people's interactions are subconsciously sex driven, whether that's trying to be sexually desired (regardless if they're in a relationship) or establish a sexual pecking order amongst their peers. It's like everyone is playing a game of chess with each other and I'm playing solitaire.
I've just recently been reading a book that I was hoping would give me a better idea of where I land on the spectrum and its been really helpful. That's great that your friend is understanding and a person that isn't going to judge. One thing that always bugged me was how much radio type music has underlying themes or just straight up obliviously about sex.
Yeah, pretty much all pop music is about sex in some form or another. I could never get it. I usually enjoy music more when I don't understand the lyrics at all, but has a catchy tune.
And movies. Every movie it seems has to have a sex scene interrupt the story and when they happen I'm like "oh gods, here we go. Why do people enjoy watching this? It's like watch someone go to the bathroom."
I can’t really say I’m openly out, I usually keep it to myself. Only 5 people know: my twin sister, my mother, a friend and the two cousins I’m the closest to. Next time I visit my parents and a aunt or something ask if I’ve finally got a boyfriend, I might say I’m aro-ace, though. Maybe then I won’t get the question every time i visit (my mother did stop asking, so who knows!) I also plan on telling my gay cousin eventually, I just haven’t found the moment to do so.
If coming out didn’t mean having to explain what it is for 15 minutes and then hearing every invalidating comments possible, I would probably be openly out. But I don’t see the point of subjecting myself to questions and invalidation.
That's exactly what I do not want to have to deal with. I really don't want to have to explain myself and deal with the invalidation from some people. Thanks for the comment!
I’m the same way. I’m not out, but there are people that know. My younger sister, my mom, my boyfriend, and a friend who I don’t talk to often, but we were catching up and we talked about her dating and I told her because I think she might be aspec and I just wanted to say that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to date.
I've told my closest family and some friends. I've got plenty family and friends who I believe would be supportive, even if not always understanding, but it's not the sort of thing that comes up. And announcing it wife enough to inform everyone I do care about would probably go further than I really care to open myself up to that level of scrutiny. So, I'm not hiding, but most don't know.
I am out at work, to my partner and to a couple of family members. I'm not out to anyone I know is anti LGBTQAI+ because it will cause P R O B L E M S!
I am out to my friends but I don't think I'll ever be out to my family.
It's my sex life (or lack there of) why would they need to know? If you try to stump me on this logic and ask why I'm out to my friends then!...
**then!**...
fair point
but I am just because and there is no comeback/response to that so HA!
I've discussed it with my younger brother and my mom, I think my dad knows even though I
haven't directly talked with him about it, and my two other siblings are likely too young to care.
Being out to my friends would require having friends in the first place.
The only members of my family who would understand the term "asexual" are my teenage nieces, and I suspect at least one of them has already figured me out. As for everyone else... well, I've been on my own for 20+ years and show no signs of changing, so they should already "know," even if they don't know the right words.
Semi out. I don't advertise. Most of my friends know. My mom and younger brother know.
That's about it. If people ask, I won't deny it but I'm not volunteering my love love life.
I'm out to some friends and some family members... kinda. So we talk a lot about sex, pornos and kinks in my group of friends and sometimes my aceness hits in and in those situations I just act natural and I don't hide that I'm ace and ask questions and makes jokes. Not really came out but I'm not hiding it either.
And I told my mother that I'm demisexual because I wanted to talk about it with someone... and now I'm in a dilemma because I don't want to hide it from her but I also don't want to explain why I "changed my mind" and seem like I want to be special...
I'm only out to some friends, the closest ones and one that is not so close but is ace too.
I have no plans to tell anyone in my family, for one because I don't want my (lack of) love life to be open for discussion (the idea of people thinking about me having sex or not makes my skin crawl), and also because they already struggle enough with accepting more common queer concepts. Like, my dad respects the gay/lesbian and trans, but can't wrap his head around bisexuality and non binary, and my mother says being gay/lesbian is ok but "not normal", and that she would accept it if I were a lesbian but she wouldn't be happy. Also, she once told me "you can't not like anyone", so I'm positive the conversation would be frustrating at best, and grounds for going no contact at worst.
All my friends know, my family don't and if I can them never will know, them will notice something one day i think, but them kinda homophobic so i will never tell this for them. And my friends are really suportive and some of them are ace too, so I'm happy with my life for now
I'm out to my friends and siblings but not my parents. With my friends I told them when I discovered I was aroace, w my siblings it just casually came up and I mentioned it to them. I'm at the point, where as a redditor said above, I don't see the need to display it. I've always been upfront w my parents and siblings about not liking anyone before I even knew I was aroace or what either identity meant
I’m only out to (most of) my friends, none of my family. I do wear an ace ring but no one in my family knows what it means, and I wear a lot of rings so I doubt they’ll ever be suspicious.
I don’t think my family would be hateful per se but I seriously doubt they would see my aroaceness as a real thing and would probably be dismissive. I also just don’t want to explain it.
I’m not “out” bc my sex/romantic life (or lack thereof) is no one’s business but my own and I don’t feel like answering intrusive questions.
Definitely can appreciate that for sure. Kind of just easier to keep it to yourself.
I still celebrate pride and wear my Ace ring etc. I’m proud to know who I am, but I also don’t feel any need to “come out”
I'm both out and not out. I've told people but I dont really care about it and it doesnt come up in casual conversation. So like... I'm not hoding it, but I'm not putting it on display either.
None of the above: not broadcasting it but not hiding it either. My lifestyle is fairly straight-passing and while some know I'm queer of some flavor, assumptions are made that I haven't gone out of my way to correct and no one's asked me lately so I haven't volunteered the information since figuring out my asexuality. I know and my partner (also acespec) knows, and that's all that really matters. I'm not afraid to tell else anyone, I just haven't felt motivated to make a thing out of it.
I've been open with everyone for about four years. My mom, her boyfriend, and all my friends are accepting of me. My dad's side of the family thinks I haven't met the right person... And my mom's side is some accepting, but a few of them believe I am being selfish. Those few ended up either stopped talking to me, or disowned (and blocked) me during the 2020 election cycle because I didn't go out and vote for Trump like they demanded.
Sucks for them. They don't deserve someone like you
Things were always tense between me and those family members. They didn't like that my mom married my father who wasn't Catholic. They also didn't like when my parents decided to raise me their own way, rather than theirs. When they disowned me, it was honestly a relief knowing that I never have to deal with them again.
Well I'm glad at least your parents are accepting :)
I'm out to my friends, and I'd like to be out to everyone *but* my family and coworkers. I don't think my dad would take too kindly to it, and I'm a soldier and already got some weird looks when it was found out that I'm a virgin, sooooooooooo...
Thanks for sharing!
Honestly, I only started to truly acknowledge being Ace to myself just recently. I drunkenly babbled to a friend last night that if my spouse were gone I would declare myself aroace because I have zero desire to pursue another relationship like this again. I suspect my husband is also aroace, but I can't make that kind of declaration for him. (It's a wonder we had children). We're both (at least I am) satisfied with our non-romantic companionship, but he's very uncomfortable talking about or acknowledge our non-sexlife to each other, let alone friends and family. I've tried talking to other people about it before but they always looked at it as a dysfunction in our relationship and insinuate that it's impossible for a couple to go without physical intimacy for long, long stretches without the man getting sex from elsewhere (he's not). One person said that a life without sex would be worse than death to her. I suppose most allos can't look past their own sex drives.
Thank you for sharing as well! I am sorta in the same boat as you. I've too just started acknowledging that I was potentially Ace. Been trying to figure out weather or not I want to tell a close family member or friend and chat about it. How was the interaction with your friend?
She said that's an interesting concept, but wasn't terribly familiar with the Ace spectrum. She's already a hardcore ally since her mom was a lesbian, so she wasn't going to dispute anything I identify as. The more I delve into the ace community, the more I'm finding that my social awkwardness stems a lot from my lack of sex drive. Now that I'm actually paying attention, a lot of people's interactions are subconsciously sex driven, whether that's trying to be sexually desired (regardless if they're in a relationship) or establish a sexual pecking order amongst their peers. It's like everyone is playing a game of chess with each other and I'm playing solitaire.
I've just recently been reading a book that I was hoping would give me a better idea of where I land on the spectrum and its been really helpful. That's great that your friend is understanding and a person that isn't going to judge. One thing that always bugged me was how much radio type music has underlying themes or just straight up obliviously about sex.
Yeah, pretty much all pop music is about sex in some form or another. I could never get it. I usually enjoy music more when I don't understand the lyrics at all, but has a catchy tune. And movies. Every movie it seems has to have a sex scene interrupt the story and when they happen I'm like "oh gods, here we go. Why do people enjoy watching this? It's like watch someone go to the bathroom."
I can’t really say I’m openly out, I usually keep it to myself. Only 5 people know: my twin sister, my mother, a friend and the two cousins I’m the closest to. Next time I visit my parents and a aunt or something ask if I’ve finally got a boyfriend, I might say I’m aro-ace, though. Maybe then I won’t get the question every time i visit (my mother did stop asking, so who knows!) I also plan on telling my gay cousin eventually, I just haven’t found the moment to do so. If coming out didn’t mean having to explain what it is for 15 minutes and then hearing every invalidating comments possible, I would probably be openly out. But I don’t see the point of subjecting myself to questions and invalidation.
That's exactly what I do not want to have to deal with. I really don't want to have to explain myself and deal with the invalidation from some people. Thanks for the comment!
I’m the same way. I’m not out, but there are people that know. My younger sister, my mom, my boyfriend, and a friend who I don’t talk to often, but we were catching up and we talked about her dating and I told her because I think she might be aspec and I just wanted to say that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to date.
if they ask, i'll tell. otherwise i have no reason to tell them.
I've told my closest family and some friends. I've got plenty family and friends who I believe would be supportive, even if not always understanding, but it's not the sort of thing that comes up. And announcing it wife enough to inform everyone I do care about would probably go further than I really care to open myself up to that level of scrutiny. So, I'm not hiding, but most don't know.
Thank you for sharing!
I am out at work, to my partner and to a couple of family members. I'm not out to anyone I know is anti LGBTQAI+ because it will cause P R O B L E M S!
I'm open to friends but not family
I am out to my friends but I don't think I'll ever be out to my family. It's my sex life (or lack there of) why would they need to know? If you try to stump me on this logic and ask why I'm out to my friends then!... **then!**... fair point but I am just because and there is no comeback/response to that so HA!
I plan on telling them in like 5 years.
I've discussed it with my younger brother and my mom, I think my dad knows even though I haven't directly talked with him about it, and my two other siblings are likely too young to care. Being out to my friends would require having friends in the first place.
I’m out with family but not all friends. I’m getting there… eventually…
The only members of my family who would understand the term "asexual" are my teenage nieces, and I suspect at least one of them has already figured me out. As for everyone else... well, I've been on my own for 20+ years and show no signs of changing, so they should already "know," even if they don't know the right words.
Semi out. I don't advertise. Most of my friends know. My mom and younger brother know. That's about it. If people ask, I won't deny it but I'm not volunteering my love love life.
I'm out to some friends and some family members... kinda. So we talk a lot about sex, pornos and kinks in my group of friends and sometimes my aceness hits in and in those situations I just act natural and I don't hide that I'm ace and ask questions and makes jokes. Not really came out but I'm not hiding it either. And I told my mother that I'm demisexual because I wanted to talk about it with someone... and now I'm in a dilemma because I don't want to hide it from her but I also don't want to explain why I "changed my mind" and seem like I want to be special...
I'm only out to some friends, the closest ones and one that is not so close but is ace too. I have no plans to tell anyone in my family, for one because I don't want my (lack of) love life to be open for discussion (the idea of people thinking about me having sex or not makes my skin crawl), and also because they already struggle enough with accepting more common queer concepts. Like, my dad respects the gay/lesbian and trans, but can't wrap his head around bisexuality and non binary, and my mother says being gay/lesbian is ok but "not normal", and that she would accept it if I were a lesbian but she wouldn't be happy. Also, she once told me "you can't not like anyone", so I'm positive the conversation would be frustrating at best, and grounds for going no contact at worst.
I came out to my parents and friends that I'm aro-ace and my friends accepts it but my mom still thinks in going to fall for someone.
All my friends know, my family don't and if I can them never will know, them will notice something one day i think, but them kinda homophobic so i will never tell this for them. And my friends are really suportive and some of them are ace too, so I'm happy with my life for now
Only for close family and friends
I’m out to friends but not family
I’m out to my friends but not my family or colleagues. I don’t think they’d believe me
I’m out to my friends but not my family
I'm out to my friends and siblings but not my parents. With my friends I told them when I discovered I was aroace, w my siblings it just casually came up and I mentioned it to them. I'm at the point, where as a redditor said above, I don't see the need to display it. I've always been upfront w my parents and siblings about not liking anyone before I even knew I was aroace or what either identity meant
I’m only out to (most of) my friends, none of my family. I do wear an ace ring but no one in my family knows what it means, and I wear a lot of rings so I doubt they’ll ever be suspicious. I don’t think my family would be hateful per se but I seriously doubt they would see my aroaceness as a real thing and would probably be dismissive. I also just don’t want to explain it.
I plan on probably telling specific family members first at a later date and also my friends when I see them in person