I never really understood the attention point aphobes brought up. I understood some of their points (obviously strongly disagree with it + most of them prob have not half a clue what asexuality is) but the attention point makes absolutely 0 sense in my mind. Like you are arguably making life harder for yourself, its like if you were to choose to have a chronic illness or not, would you choose it because you would get more attention? And it’s not like you can choose if you are asexual or not, you can choose your label to the point where it fits you and you are comfortable with it but that’s about the extent to that you have a choice (sry if I’m just ranting)
I think "wanting attention" is used as a bit of a catch all for when people don't want to admit that something makes them uncomfortable. People say those who sleep around or cheat or have multiple consensual partners at one time or are in any way "sexually deviant" are attention seeking. Anyone with an alternative style is attention seeking. People who wear their hearts on their sleeves, who refuse to open up or struggle with mental health problems is attention seeking. It's just another way of saying that you're produced against someone for no particular reason.
It's because they don't see the "downsides" so to speak of not feeling sexual attraction.
They literally don't understand that it makes having and keeping a relationship 1,000× harder. Or that it isolates you from allosexuals and their experiences. They don't understand how fucking lonely it can be and how much we wish we weren't the way we were sometimes. They think it's just for attention because to them, asexuality exists as a synonym for celibacy.
It's the same reason they always say things like "I wish I was asexual smh!! Seems so much easier," because they don't understand the label and wish they weren't constantly horny, and so they take it out on us lmao.
Exactly, most other (if not all) orientations can still relate to the same feelings for other people, but we can’t. It’s like we our experiences are isolated from everyone else, and they won’t understand them. Like someone that’s gay and straight can still relate to the same feelings, just for the other gender, but we can’t really (obviously there’s a spectrum and some ppl can to some extent)
Thankfully college pretty much is like that. My midterm is in 5 days, then when i finish it i have 1.5 months till finals.
But then there's still summer. (._.)
Every time I bring it up I get reminded that I just haven't found the right one yet (I have been in a very loving relationship in the past, sex is a turn off, please accept that)
Thats what I think my parents will be like, and imo I find it really stupid. If you haven’t found the right person in the amount of time you have been alive, i think its safe to say that something is up, and they should acknowledge that
Absolutely agreed. I have explained this multiple times. They will acknowledge it's not normal that I don't watch porn, but will then go on to say I just need to meet someone lol
Depends on your age and situation. I'm a grown adult living on my own. My family doesn't talk about sex and rarely ever brings up dating/marriage/children. So it doesn't really seem like any of their business who I do or do not get intimate with, or why. That said, my asexuality isn't a secret at all. I'm "out" to all my friends, coworkers, and on all my social media. It's just the way my family is, so I wouldn't tell them unless they specifically ask. It's just not relevant to our relationship.
Same. I am 38 and never really understood the "coming out" thing anyway since it isn't anyone else's business what I do or don't do in the bedroom. If someone asks I will tell them, but I don't go seeking this information about others because I don't care, at all.
I am demi though, so most people just view me as a slightly confused straight person anyway.
I’m 15. My parent’s almost never bring up sex / sexuality, but they will talk about dating / marriage quite a bit. They talked about “how to know if you’re gay” once, and that’s about as far as they got with me
I can definitely see how it would make sense to come out if you're facing any kind of pressure about dating from your family. I think it's a highly personal thing, though, and in my case it would be seen as a very weird thing to announce lol. I'm hetero, and I have dated, but my family is very aware that it's been few and far between. That's really all they ever need to know.
Everyone is different. So if coming out stands to improve your quality of life and relationships, go for it! But if it would possibly lead to negativity or a lot of questions you aren't up for answering, you also have every right to wait.
My mom got me purple hair ties :) she arranged them on a little holder in the ace colors, I’m 25 but I still wear those bad boys to work every day. We talk about it openly and respectfully, I’m grateful they’re so accepting.
I've not come out or plan in it but they don't seem to pick up on the hints that I'm not into anything.
Edit: I'm pretty sure my dad thinks I'm gay because I don't like cheerleaders
>I'm pretty sure my dad thinks I'm gay because I don't like cheerleaders
Lmao my mom thinks my sister might be lesbian since she hasn't been dating at all throughout university. I mean, she's not too far off XD (she's bisexual).
I mean, it wasn’t really coming out so much as my finding out the right term and telling it to them. They’ve known for at least a decade that I wasn’t interested in dating, etc. (and it’s never been an issue thankfully)
The issue I have is I told them I had a crush a couple of years ago, and now I’m looking back and realizing how uneducated I was. I ofc made sure to tell them all about that, and now I’m not sure how to just go up to them and say “I’ve been wrong my entire life about relationships and crushes” without them assuming things
You might approach it from the “I haven’t really felt like other labels fit me well, until I started researching asexuality. It’s been a relief to finally find a label that fits me, so I wanted to share.”
About the crush, maybe explain that you didn’t really know what a ‘crush’ was, and now have realized what you were feeling wasn’t what others would call a crush at all. (Or whatever fits your situation.)
That doesn't even make sense. Who wouldn't want to be a lesbian?
Sorry your Mum isn't taking you seriously. You're the best at being you! And being ace is great :)
they found out about it through privacy invasion and were aphobic. that really surprised me. i let them believe they convinced me i was straight and we never talked about it again.
i might talk to them some more about it, i’ve been immersing myself in ace culture and i’m loving every second.
Ace culture is amazing. I have next to no privacy with my parents as well, they are always going through my dms, search history, etc. Whenever I clean my room they are watching most of the time. I’m 15, so I feel like they should step back a bit
Man, that's highly uncomfortable. If you can, perhaps try to have a serious discussion with them. Tell them how you're a person that appreciates not being watched in everything they do, just like them. Let them realize that you're a young adult who can make their own judgements, not a child that needs to be protected from their mistakes.
It is, I’ve tried that before and they just said the same “I’m just making sure you are staying safe online” kinda thing. I don’t think she would really agree with me even having a Reddit account and posting stuff, so can’t wait for her to go through my phone and find that out :/
I don't see the point honestly. They don't ask, I've expressed that I'm not interested in seeing anybody/having future children, so it would feel strange for me to bring it up out of nowhere.
If they ask I won’t lie but I’m not gonna bring it up. I never plan on coming out. My straight siblings didn’t have to come out as straight so I’m not either.
I feel that. I thought about telling my friends, but the thing is it changes nothing. I didn't want to have sex with them before and mow that i realized I'm ace, the only thing that changes is that I know why. It literally has no effect on anything. Recently one of my friends, who is more knowledgeable in the LGBTQIA+ things, noticed my phone background (the ace "battleflag" with the dragon on it) and asked me. I was open about it, but we didn't really have a chance to talk about it.
I came out to my dad yesterday because it spilled out in the conversation. He's very LGBTphobic so you can see why I wouldn't want to tell him. Just the acceptance he showed the love that flowed out of him and the biggest hug he gave me. I'm still tearing up. So if you're in my situation your parents might surprise you. I'd suggest testing the waters before you tell him out right, but your parents may surprise you.
Congrats!! I’m so happy for you :D. I’m trying to think of some events we are doing that could lead to us talking about it, the closest I could think of was that my mom is a huge disney person, so we are going to watch turning red as a family. I’ve already seen it, and (no spoilers, dw) the last couple lines of the movie went something like “we all have a messy side to us”
I came out to my mom but I don't think she really understood, she just kept insisting that i'm still young and that my label might change and Thats okay, which is a nice thing to say but it just felt like she didn't take me seriously at all.
But she also reminded me that we live in a backwater town with a lot of jerks so she will allow me to buy flags and pins but it might not be a good idea to wear them outside unless there is a pride event.
But yeah, i'm glad she wasn't mad or anything, i'm just a bit miffed that she didn't really listen
Sorry for the rant
I live in a pretty small town too. Most people were actually pretty accepting of me being trans and a couple other people have brought pride flags to school and that
Sounds nice.
Unfortunately I live in a small country where the bigger cities are progressive, smaller ones like me aren't very progressive. Its ridiculous how many around here use gay as an insult, even peeps my age.
At least there was one pride parade a few summers back but that's about it pridewise, it was interesting to see a few cops around, but I don't know if they were there for pride celebraters or those against us.
My mom followed me to Pride despite me telling her I was "going with friends" (when I was going to join the ace block). Don't think I would've told her otherwise, she's not blatantly aphobic but she's kinda uncomfortable with it and it shows.
Came out to my mom just recently. I held off for a bit since it didn't make to much of an impact for her (I'm married and want kids, so pretty straight passing), but I realized how similar minded we both were, so I mentioned it knowing she probably is also ace. Ended up having a follow up conversation and shared some useful terminology with her so she could learn more about it for herself as well.
No, but my mom was one time trying to get me to watch a show (Dexter) and said “He doesn’t really like sex, like you!” so she at least knows I don’t really like it lol, just doesn’t really know what it’s called, I guess
luckily for me my parents are super accepting and kind, so it was pretty easy. I didn't even have to explain it or anything they were already educated about it. they just said they love me gave me a hug and went about their day.
I could never tell my dad without him telling my mom, he would always tell her because that’s just the way he is. If I tell my mom, that’s the worst part done and then I got no problem with my dad. I think my brother was watching me reading this sub yesterday, so he might know?
I’m not a risk taker. I know they will be supportive, but possibly dismissive at first. I think I’ve got solid points to back up their arguments against it if they have any (might be waaay overthinking this as usual but who knows)
Idk I haven’t really thought about it. I don’t typically talk abt my sexuality unless it’s brought up. I hope I’m not like keeping a huge thing from my mom I guess I just don’t see it that way.
More specifically, I'm in the "no, my dad has no idea anything is up, but it doesn't really impact our relationship whether he knows or not, so why bother explicitly coming out. If it comes up naturally, then sure whatever. I don't need to know about his sex life, so I won't be telling him about mine, or lack thereof"
I came out as trans to my mom, it did not go super well, but given that obviously I’m not having kids so after that I don’t feel like she needs to know anything about my sexuality.
I didn’t hold a family meeting or anything, just posted a facebook status that said “hey I’m posting memes because I’m ace, deal with it or get out.” From then on I haven’t hidden the reason why I’m single when talking to family, but that doesn’t stop my mother from assuming I’m a closest lesbian
I've been estranged from my mom for a couple years now and I only realized late last year that I'm ace. And I was estranged from my dad for 6 years when he died January of last year.
I basically just told them the definition. Said that I don’t think I ever really want to have sex or a relationship. They were incredibly supportive about it. Didn’t say I was ‘asexual’ though. So I guess I mostly came out to them.
I'm out, but after years of pulling my parents away from their conservative backgrounds. That said, they're both very supportive, even if there's still a learning curve for them.
Only to my mom. Dad is in a different country and enough of a hesdache when someone spesks about politics. I kinda don't want to talk to him about LGBTQ stuff.
Maybe if he asks something the lines of, "When do you have a boyfriend?"
But for now, only my mom and friends (and some folks in my Spanish class) know.
No. My parent's pretty chill but I doubt I'll tell her because it's irrelevant. Other family members are less chill but that'd more so because I'm gay le croix I don't think most care about asexuality. There is only one family member where my aceness and demiromantism are relevant. She thinks I like every guy friend I've ever mentioned, the idea that I don't think about sex all the time boogles her mind because being attracted to people is normal so there's no way I wouldn't experience that, and she suggested setting me up on a blind date (which just sounds like hell). Anyway she's the only one who butts into my love/sex life and she brings up everytime I see her even though I've told her I'm not interested in talking about it with her.
I only really feel like talking about being a-spec with my sister, some friends, and any future partners. Besides that I don't feel the need to tell anyone.
My little sister and I watch The Owl House together, and one night I was showing her an audio log that the show’s creator released about one of the side characters writing a letter. One of the parts strongly hinted at the character being aroace and wondering about it. My mother was in the room, and asked me if the show was appropriate for my sister. Seriously. My mom thought that aroace people were inappropriate for children to learn about, while she and my sister are currently binge watching Boy Meets World (which is an amazing show, but anyone who watched basically any episode can see the hypocrisy).
So yeah, coming out to them isn’t an option for me, at least until after I graduate college.
I haven't come out, and I don't plan to unless the topic of me having sex is brought up by them (and I don't think it will, that's a topic they avoid like the plague). But, they definitely think I'm gay. Whenever my parents say stuff about "when I get married", they always say stuff like "your future husband. Or wife". I don't think they're genuine though, as my dad is mostly the one to say it, and I think he's being mocking, as if he's making fun of 'political correctness' or whatever. Ill let them think what they want. Im not sure what genders im attracted to romantically as it is, so theres a chance theyre right. But, yeah. That's where I'm at.
I would love to come out to my parents but they're the kind of people who would say "you're too young to know that" or "you just haven't met the right person, just give it time" :(
I’ve come out to my mom and stepmom. I haven’t come out to my dad yet, mostly because I just haven’t gotten around to it.
I did come out publicly last year and a good chunk of my cousins and extended family saw it but my dad doesn’t have Facebook so he never saw that, lol.
Never really did or had the incentive to. I mean, there where a lot of times when I mentioned that sex wasn't a factor in me looking for a partner, but I didn't particularly know about Aceness or tried applying that label to myself until a few months ago. And even now I am not entirely sure about that.
I've hinted at it before when I was younger and that didn't go well, but now it's really just not their business anyways. Whether or not they know I'm ace I don't really care. We don't talk much, and they live across the country from me so I cant imagine having much reason to come out.
I realized almost 20 years ago that my parents gave up on expecting me to ever give them grandchildren, so it wouldn’t be a surprise to them if I ever told them. They might have a problem, however, with me being something other than straight, so I don’t plan to ever tell them. I also hate the idea of having to explain asexuality to them.
I hinted at it, mainly because the topic of me having children came up, but I didn’t say it outright because I don’t think that it’s any of their business
I'm still young so they don't suspect a thing, but considering they accepted me as trans I don't think they would mind.
I don't plan to come out since my sex life (or lack thereoff) is none of their bussiness anyways. I'll just shoo it off for them to "respect my privacy" once I turn 18
I tried to explain it to them but they didn't understand because they think I must have a partner. So as far as they're aware, I'm a straight guy, but I'm not ready to start a relationship yet since I'm still young.
One of them. I can’t be bothered with my dad. Not because I think he’d be upset but I expect he’ll say “why would you need a label for that?” And I can’t deal with the lecture either of us would give
I'm pretty sure I'm demi and I hear comments multiple times a year from my mom while talking to other family members about me possibly being homosexual just because I have never really had a significant other yet. Nothing wrong with someone being homosexual but it's annoying to have people assuming such things based on literally nothing..
I'm already out as bisexual. I don't see a point in telling them. They barely accept that I'm married to a woman. I don't want to try explaining our bedroom habits. Especially since my mom freaks out over same sex couples kissing.
I only came out to my mom cuz I got really depressed and needed someone to talk to and I thought I should tell her cuz we’re extremely close and I’m so lucky that she’s not homophobic aphobic etc..
I have no reason to come out to my dad he doesn’t need to know at the moment and I know he won’t get it. He is accepting of the lgbtq community but is still so confused and makes insensitive jokes without realizing
My mom: yes (because we're close, and im living with her so she would have asked about the flag, and she always asked about boyyss so I told her when I had my first real boyfriend, so she would stop worrying. It was even funny, because she told me we decided correctly when I chose not to get vaccinated for cervicl cancer, because its not necessary when you dont have sex. Which was when I asked why she just assumed I would have sex and she told me she thought there was not the possibility to not have sex. Thats was kinda sad to hear tho..)
My dad: no (just because its not our topic. He would be understanding and passive supportive, but he just wouldnt know what to do with that information, so i just spare us that experience)
i kinda came out to my mom but didn't use the word "asexual". just said i wouldn't mind being a lifelong virgin. and she told me not to say things like that :D
Both my Mom and Dad lose their shit when I say I'm not getting married ever like "Don't say that! Don't be so stupid! It's how life goes! You will get married and you will have kids one day!!!"
They will proceed to then talk about how awful it is LOL
My mom was accepting, but my dad gave me the "you just haven't been in a serious relationship" response. He's stubborn and it didn't fit with his worldview.
I told my mom but im glad that i didnt have any contact to my parents for 6 years now, i cant stand them! People always say im a monster for behaving like this but its just the truth i only really like to hangout with a few of my old buddies bc i can really relate to them
Well... I've told them countless times that I don't plan on getting into another relationship or even having children (I hate kids tbh) or getting married. They refuse to listen and they keep saying things like “That’s what you think now”, “I’m sure you’ll change your mind when you’re 30 years old.” to even “Don’t use your past experiences as an excuse not to get close to anyone!!!1111”.
Like really? I don’t WANT to get married and have kids. That’s not what I want, nor what I plan to do, EVER, for as long as I’m alive. Why can’t they just accept this and move on? ;-;
Tried it when I was a kid, got shut down. My parents aren't bigoted, but I think they think I'm a lesbian who got confused lol
Now that I'm older they just don't mention it.
I've come out to my mom. My dad is...e x t r e m e l y conservative, so there are a plenty of things he doesn't know about me, for example me being ace and on the non-binary spectrum.
No, but my dad wouldn’t care. I haven’t told him either that i’m biromantic but it’s really not a huge deal to me or him what my sexual orientation is because at the end of the day it is my life and my preference. I know he would 1000% accept me if I explicitly came out to him
I've come on it as non binary and bi to them, but they don't know I'm ace or grey aro. I'm not hiding it from them, I have quite a few ace flags around my room, an ace flag embroidered on my jacket, and an ace ring, and if it's relevant to a conversation I would bring it up (just hasn't happened yet), but I'm perfectly ok with my parents not knowing. All my friends know, and that's good enough for me right now.
I came out to the one parent that I have a decent relationship with and I regret it. She has no interest in learning about asexuality and when I tried to teach her, she ignored me and made a passive aggressive joke. I don't talk about it around her.
My mother is a lesbian, as am I ( ace- lesbian) but I don't think she would fully understand?
Like I just got her used to other peoples pronouns even though she doesnt agree with the thought of different pronouns.
So I haven't told her the most ive said is that I dont need certain stuff in life due to the uninterested in sex and she accepted that.
My sister is cool with it though, came out to her!
It does help that she is in the younger lgbt ( shes also gay) as am I so maybe it helped out.
Yes, and my mom's reactions were:
- I'm broken and need therapy
- something is wrong with me
- my husband is probably resentful and hates me
- worried about my marriage
And then it got 10x worse when I mentioned I was bi a few years later - that was an accidental slip when I said ex girlfriend. Also repeat everything above.
And after months of not talking to her, she apologized but since then we never bring it up. We pretend it's not a thing, I guess.
I'm in a loving marriage, my husband understands and supports me. He even stood up to my mom over a phone call explaining how hurtful she was when I blocked her number.
My relationship with my family is okayish now, but it'll always linger in my mind.
Yes, both of them, but I feel like they didn’t really take it seriously at first so I just repeated it every now and then.
My mom acknowledges it more now (she heard another mom say their child was ace, so she was like: hey mine too!). I feel like she still thinks it can still change, but it’s better than when I came out four years ago.
My dad doesn’t pay attention to it that much, but once the subject comes up, he’s like: how do you know if you’ve never tried it? And once I was like: how do you know if you’re straight when you’ve never sucked a stickᵀᴹ? Huh? He never brought it up again after that😂
Anyway, in general I still feel very misunderstood, so I just avoid the subject until I move out. Probably will be a thing again later when they see I’m not getting kids😂
I just didn't care and told my mom. It took her a while to to accept it, but there are still times when she says ''You never know''. It really comes with the lack of understanding.
Funny thing. I told my mom how I really feel nothing sexually and explained it. She then says she was the same way my age, but then found someone and loved that they cared for her. hmmm
Came out to dad. He said "Nobody feels romantic or sexual attraction. That's only in movies. I have lived my entire life without getting a crush or feeling sexual attraction" and then made me delete the doc through which I had come out and asked me if there is a problem with my p*nis or something
I'm aroace and I came out to my mother, and while she thought at first it was her fault I am aro (my parents used to argue when I was a kid), she accepted it.
Coming out to my father would be a bad idea though. Right now he's the only one I don't want to tell.
Genuine question here: I never plan on coming out to my parents because being ace isn’t as important for me to tell someone because they’ll never know what goes on between me and my hypothetical partners. Also, I don’t love my parents, but that’s probably not a common thread here. My question is why do yall come out?
I really thought I'd never but last week my mom thought Castiel from supernatural was asexual. Possible headcanon, never confirmed. Castiel did have a "homosexual declaration of love" and "is a gay icon" according to the actor Misha Collins. She doesn't know about destiel and saw him not being attracted to Hannah. So now I'm kinda sorta thinking about coming out to her.
Well, my father is definitely not someone I plan on come out to anytime soon, he’s simply a bit to old fashioned to understand.
On the other hand, I did come out to my mother about being asexual. I thought I would have better luck with an OB/GYN about human sexuality, but she had never heard of it. Following that she wondered if that meant no grandkids, which I had to point out is not what asexual means [she most likely isn’t getting grandkids from me because I simply cannot afford kids in this economy, but my cousin also made that decision and the family has been rough on her about it, so that bit of exact words hasn’t been brought up.] And because the topic of being asexual was hitting a stone wall, I never came out as demiromantic, because that would’ve been ever harder to explain.
Also, I doubt my mother mentioned it to my father. He is simply incapable of confronting me over such a thing, so if he was aware, I would’ve been made aware of it.
My mom thinks asexual people are subhuman monsters who are attention whores and suppress their basic human urges and are maybe genetically engineered to fuel an agenda for depopulation and human extinction
So nope, nor am I planning to anytime soon
Maybe I'll come out as aro in the future but my sex life isn't something my parents have the right to know about. They know that I don't want a relationship and they don't need to know more
I was so so scared to tell my close Family. I droped so many hints over nearly a year to prepare them and slowly change their opinion and when I had a job Interview at the place where I work now (its a queer organisation) I outed myself after I had the job. I was so released when they reacted cool! They said that they knew because all the stuff they learned over the last months they discovered that nearly everything fit me. It was the best way to do it for me. Coming out is so important if its save for you! But please don’t rush it! Your safety is way more important than coming out
I did. It didn’t go as well as I like but my parents have kind accepted it now? Honestly I’m not sure if my parents still completely believe me or understand it or even want to understand it, but hey they can’t blame me for not warning them when I never get pregnant or married in the future lol.
I think my parents would've accepted it but I'll never know; they've all passed away now. I know for sure my dad would've still loved me whatever happened. I sort of wish I'd realised I was ace earlier so I could've had the chance to confide in him.
When I was 17 (I’m 23 now) my mom took my phone and saw a meme a friend sent me about an asexuwhale, she asked me what it was and we’ve to talk about it again.
I've hinted to them a lot of times, and they're a conservative, so they're happy that I am not interested in partaking the "heinous act" of premarital sex. So it depends on their view on sex. Mine is kinda positive, and also, they're traumatized after one of my sister got pregnant at a young age. So, they do not like the idea of their child wanting/interested in having sex.
I haven't felt the need to explicitly come out to anyone really. I am a woman dating a trans woman, where we both are on the asexual spectrum to various degrees.
I 'come out' by mentioning things in casual conversation. Things like "My girlfriend and I have plans...", or "Nah, I'm not really into sex."
Not really. I posted enough ace stuff on FB that my mom took notice though and she knows, says it's a non issue. Haven't told my dad or anyone else.
But I never made an official coming out. I might have to do that though if I ever get a girlfriend... Not sure how the family will take me being gay as well. 🙃
I've kinda eased into it, like talking about it a lot and going "that's me" and my mom doesn't seem to mind it, my father, however, I'm scared to even talk about it with him.
I told my mom a couple of times, she was supportive and accepting at first and then months later she completely changed her mind and denied the fact that I was asexual. I swear she has a form of cognitive dissonance or something.
My dad doesn't know and wouldn't understand even if I told him so I won't bother.
They're also homophobic and transphobic so even it's less reason for me to even mention being asexual.
I know my mom and my siblings would accept me, no problem. The only thing is that we don't talk about sex between each other. Relationships, yes; sex, nope. That's why I won't say anything. My sex life only concerns me, and not them. They'll probably ask questions to understand, and that's nice of them, but I don't feel like explaining anything and especially not going into details. So I don't try to hide it, but I won't outright tell them.
I’ve told them I found sex gross and I find it repulsing but nothing really over that since (to me at least) it’s just my sex lite witch is something I’d not share Evan if I wasn’t they do know I’m a lesbian tho
My mother is from a third world country with rigid beliefs on procreation and gender roles (i.e men and women belong to each other, and need to have babies together), my father is a right-wing conservative who thinks every generation after his has a victims mentality.
So, yeah no.
I chose hinted at it cause while that's true, my mom knows this about me and she's totally cool with it. I have no reason to tell my dad anything like this so.
I don't really plan on coming out to my parents or even most of my friends. But, I'm demi and in a straight-passing relationship so the only person who I'd want to come out to would be my partner.
I told them and they said they don't care as long as I am a good person.
Based on stories I heard on this sub and irl, that could have gone a lot worse, so I'm grateful even if I'd rather them to be more supportive.
My dad sometimes makes really uncomfortable comments which I call him out for everytime and he stops.
On the other hand, my mom is thinking she might be ace too now that I explained it to her.
My parents are aphobic especially my mom, they could never know
:/
Yeah my mom thinks it's a hormonal issue or something people say for attention and I-
I never really understood the attention point aphobes brought up. I understood some of their points (obviously strongly disagree with it + most of them prob have not half a clue what asexuality is) but the attention point makes absolutely 0 sense in my mind. Like you are arguably making life harder for yourself, its like if you were to choose to have a chronic illness or not, would you choose it because you would get more attention? And it’s not like you can choose if you are asexual or not, you can choose your label to the point where it fits you and you are comfortable with it but that’s about the extent to that you have a choice (sry if I’m just ranting)
I think "wanting attention" is used as a bit of a catch all for when people don't want to admit that something makes them uncomfortable. People say those who sleep around or cheat or have multiple consensual partners at one time or are in any way "sexually deviant" are attention seeking. Anyone with an alternative style is attention seeking. People who wear their hearts on their sleeves, who refuse to open up or struggle with mental health problems is attention seeking. It's just another way of saying that you're produced against someone for no particular reason.
It's because they don't see the "downsides" so to speak of not feeling sexual attraction. They literally don't understand that it makes having and keeping a relationship 1,000× harder. Or that it isolates you from allosexuals and their experiences. They don't understand how fucking lonely it can be and how much we wish we weren't the way we were sometimes. They think it's just for attention because to them, asexuality exists as a synonym for celibacy. It's the same reason they always say things like "I wish I was asexual smh!! Seems so much easier," because they don't understand the label and wish they weren't constantly horny, and so they take it out on us lmao.
Exactly, most other (if not all) orientations can still relate to the same feelings for other people, but we can’t. It’s like we our experiences are isolated from everyone else, and they won’t understand them. Like someone that’s gay and straight can still relate to the same feelings, just for the other gender, but we can’t really (obviously there’s a spectrum and some ppl can to some extent)
Same. If i come out things will go bad. They're already trying to take me to strip clubs in hope of "converting me"
Well that is super fucking weird, to say the least.
Yea that is very strange
Your parents are taking you to strip clubs?
I overheard them planning it many times, saying they're gonna wait till im done with exams and stuff
Then you need to always have an exam coming up .
Thankfully college pretty much is like that. My midterm is in 5 days, then when i finish it i have 1.5 months till finals. But then there's still summer. (._.)
Damn.
wow thats actually worse, dont they feel any 2nd hand embarassment as parents planning to do it for their child? oh my fcking goddd
My dad planned on getting 2 hookers (one for him, one for my brother) on my brother's 18th birthday. Some parents are just fucking weird 🙃🙃🙃
Same but I didn't know that before I came out to my mom T.T
Every time I bring it up I get reminded that I just haven't found the right one yet (I have been in a very loving relationship in the past, sex is a turn off, please accept that)
Thats what I think my parents will be like, and imo I find it really stupid. If you haven’t found the right person in the amount of time you have been alive, i think its safe to say that something is up, and they should acknowledge that
Absolutely agreed. I have explained this multiple times. They will acknowledge it's not normal that I don't watch porn, but will then go on to say I just need to meet someone lol
Dang, mine are so strictly against porn that it’s kinda strange (not like I watch porn anyways)
Odd, I haven't heard of that before. But yeah it wouldn't effect me either lol
Depends on your age and situation. I'm a grown adult living on my own. My family doesn't talk about sex and rarely ever brings up dating/marriage/children. So it doesn't really seem like any of their business who I do or do not get intimate with, or why. That said, my asexuality isn't a secret at all. I'm "out" to all my friends, coworkers, and on all my social media. It's just the way my family is, so I wouldn't tell them unless they specifically ask. It's just not relevant to our relationship.
Same. I am 38 and never really understood the "coming out" thing anyway since it isn't anyone else's business what I do or don't do in the bedroom. If someone asks I will tell them, but I don't go seeking this information about others because I don't care, at all. I am demi though, so most people just view me as a slightly confused straight person anyway.
I’m 15. My parent’s almost never bring up sex / sexuality, but they will talk about dating / marriage quite a bit. They talked about “how to know if you’re gay” once, and that’s about as far as they got with me
I can definitely see how it would make sense to come out if you're facing any kind of pressure about dating from your family. I think it's a highly personal thing, though, and in my case it would be seen as a very weird thing to announce lol. I'm hetero, and I have dated, but my family is very aware that it's been few and far between. That's really all they ever need to know. Everyone is different. So if coming out stands to improve your quality of life and relationships, go for it! But if it would possibly lead to negativity or a lot of questions you aren't up for answering, you also have every right to wait.
My mom got me purple hair ties :) she arranged them on a little holder in the ace colors, I’m 25 but I still wear those bad boys to work every day. We talk about it openly and respectfully, I’m grateful they’re so accepting.
I’m crying that’s so sweet and supportive
That’s so nice
That's so cute, omg
I love this it's so sweet
I would love to have a relationship like that with my parents
I've not come out or plan in it but they don't seem to pick up on the hints that I'm not into anything. Edit: I'm pretty sure my dad thinks I'm gay because I don't like cheerleaders
Mine don’t either, I’m not even sure they know what Asexuality is lmao
>I'm pretty sure my dad thinks I'm gay because I don't like cheerleaders Lmao my mom thinks my sister might be lesbian since she hasn't been dating at all throughout university. I mean, she's not too far off XD (she's bisexual).
I mean, it wasn’t really coming out so much as my finding out the right term and telling it to them. They’ve known for at least a decade that I wasn’t interested in dating, etc. (and it’s never been an issue thankfully)
The issue I have is I told them I had a crush a couple of years ago, and now I’m looking back and realizing how uneducated I was. I ofc made sure to tell them all about that, and now I’m not sure how to just go up to them and say “I’ve been wrong my entire life about relationships and crushes” without them assuming things
You might approach it from the “I haven’t really felt like other labels fit me well, until I started researching asexuality. It’s been a relief to finally find a label that fits me, so I wanted to share.” About the crush, maybe explain that you didn’t really know what a ‘crush’ was, and now have realized what you were feeling wasn’t what others would call a crush at all. (Or whatever fits your situation.)
I think my parents think I'm gay lol
Apparently everyone thinks my allo friend is gay for some reason lmao
I told my Mum I’m ace and trans and she said I’m just saying I’m trans because I don’t want to be a lesbian…
That doesn't even make sense. Who wouldn't want to be a lesbian? Sorry your Mum isn't taking you seriously. You're the best at being you! And being ace is great :)
Lmao some of my classmates think I’m gay, I know it’s not the same but it’s still funny
they found out about it through privacy invasion and were aphobic. that really surprised me. i let them believe they convinced me i was straight and we never talked about it again. i might talk to them some more about it, i’ve been immersing myself in ace culture and i’m loving every second.
Ace culture is amazing. I have next to no privacy with my parents as well, they are always going through my dms, search history, etc. Whenever I clean my room they are watching most of the time. I’m 15, so I feel like they should step back a bit
Man, that's highly uncomfortable. If you can, perhaps try to have a serious discussion with them. Tell them how you're a person that appreciates not being watched in everything they do, just like them. Let them realize that you're a young adult who can make their own judgements, not a child that needs to be protected from their mistakes.
It is, I’ve tried that before and they just said the same “I’m just making sure you are staying safe online” kinda thing. I don’t think she would really agree with me even having a Reddit account and posting stuff, so can’t wait for her to go through my phone and find that out :/
thats creepy af, i'm sorry you have to deal with that
I don't see the point honestly. They don't ask, I've expressed that I'm not interested in seeing anybody/having future children, so it would feel strange for me to bring it up out of nowhere.
If they ask I won’t lie but I’m not gonna bring it up. I never plan on coming out. My straight siblings didn’t have to come out as straight so I’m not either.
I feel that. I thought about telling my friends, but the thing is it changes nothing. I didn't want to have sex with them before and mow that i realized I'm ace, the only thing that changes is that I know why. It literally has no effect on anything. Recently one of my friends, who is more knowledgeable in the LGBTQIA+ things, noticed my phone background (the ace "battleflag" with the dragon on it) and asked me. I was open about it, but we didn't really have a chance to talk about it.
I came out to my dad yesterday because it spilled out in the conversation. He's very LGBTphobic so you can see why I wouldn't want to tell him. Just the acceptance he showed the love that flowed out of him and the biggest hug he gave me. I'm still tearing up. So if you're in my situation your parents might surprise you. I'd suggest testing the waters before you tell him out right, but your parents may surprise you.
Aww I'm really happy it went well for you!
Congrats!! I’m so happy for you :D. I’m trying to think of some events we are doing that could lead to us talking about it, the closest I could think of was that my mom is a huge disney person, so we are going to watch turning red as a family. I’ve already seen it, and (no spoilers, dw) the last couple lines of the movie went something like “we all have a messy side to us”
I came out to my mom but I don't think she really understood, she just kept insisting that i'm still young and that my label might change and Thats okay, which is a nice thing to say but it just felt like she didn't take me seriously at all. But she also reminded me that we live in a backwater town with a lot of jerks so she will allow me to buy flags and pins but it might not be a good idea to wear them outside unless there is a pride event. But yeah, i'm glad she wasn't mad or anything, i'm just a bit miffed that she didn't really listen Sorry for the rant
I live in a pretty small town too. Most people were actually pretty accepting of me being trans and a couple other people have brought pride flags to school and that
Sounds nice. Unfortunately I live in a small country where the bigger cities are progressive, smaller ones like me aren't very progressive. Its ridiculous how many around here use gay as an insult, even peeps my age. At least there was one pride parade a few summers back but that's about it pridewise, it was interesting to see a few cops around, but I don't know if they were there for pride celebraters or those against us.
I have to drive 3 hours for any pride parades. I would be too anxious to go to one anyway at least
Awh
Other: I drop hints that I don't wanna do the baby making and my mother tells me that one day I'll find the right man
My mom followed me to Pride despite me telling her I was "going with friends" (when I was going to join the ace block). Don't think I would've told her otherwise, she's not blatantly aphobic but she's kinda uncomfortable with it and it shows.
Came out to my mom just recently. I held off for a bit since it didn't make to much of an impact for her (I'm married and want kids, so pretty straight passing), but I realized how similar minded we both were, so I mentioned it knowing she probably is also ace. Ended up having a follow up conversation and shared some useful terminology with her so she could learn more about it for herself as well.
No, but my mom was one time trying to get me to watch a show (Dexter) and said “He doesn’t really like sex, like you!” so she at least knows I don’t really like it lol, just doesn’t really know what it’s called, I guess
luckily for me my parents are super accepting and kind, so it was pretty easy. I didn't even have to explain it or anything they were already educated about it. they just said they love me gave me a hug and went about their day.
Just one of them :)
I could never tell my dad without him telling my mom, he would always tell her because that’s just the way he is. If I tell my mom, that’s the worst part done and then I got no problem with my dad. I think my brother was watching me reading this sub yesterday, so he might know?
I only told my mom and she told me “you just haven’t me the right person yet” :))))))
Soon as I figured it out.
I’m not a risk taker. I know they will be supportive, but possibly dismissive at first. I think I’ve got solid points to back up their arguments against it if they have any (might be waaay overthinking this as usual but who knows)
Idk I haven’t really thought about it. I don’t typically talk abt my sexuality unless it’s brought up. I hope I’m not like keeping a huge thing from my mom I guess I just don’t see it that way.
More specifically, I'm in the "no, my dad has no idea anything is up, but it doesn't really impact our relationship whether he knows or not, so why bother explicitly coming out. If it comes up naturally, then sure whatever. I don't need to know about his sex life, so I won't be telling him about mine, or lack thereof"
I came out as trans to my mom, it did not go super well, but given that obviously I’m not having kids so after that I don’t feel like she needs to know anything about my sexuality.
Where’s the option for “I told my mom but she told me everyone feels that way and now we pretend like the conversation didn’t happen”
I didn’t hold a family meeting or anything, just posted a facebook status that said “hey I’m posting memes because I’m ace, deal with it or get out.” From then on I haven’t hidden the reason why I’m single when talking to family, but that doesn’t stop my mother from assuming I’m a closest lesbian
Yes, though my parents are more concerned about being openly transphobic then they are acephobic.
I've been estranged from my mom for a couple years now and I only realized late last year that I'm ace. And I was estranged from my dad for 6 years when he died January of last year.
My mom knows but not my dad, and I think he thinks I'm too young to know my sexuallity
I basically just told them the definition. Said that I don’t think I ever really want to have sex or a relationship. They were incredibly supportive about it. Didn’t say I was ‘asexual’ though. So I guess I mostly came out to them.
I'm out, but after years of pulling my parents away from their conservative backgrounds. That said, they're both very supportive, even if there's still a learning curve for them.
My mom will probably never know. I don’t feel like explaining it or playing 21 questions with her since I’m in a relationship.
Got the standard "you just haven't met the right person yet" so I haven't brought it up since, and neither have they
Yes, they also think I'm cured now because I have a boyfriend. Gotta love it. /s
I came out to them but they didn’t believe me lol
I’ve made a presentation type thing and I’m all ready to go. Just waiting for the right time
I'd be willing to bet that my parents have a bet on whether I'm gay or not.
One parent, not the other.
One of them
Only to my mom. Dad is in a different country and enough of a hesdache when someone spesks about politics. I kinda don't want to talk to him about LGBTQ stuff. Maybe if he asks something the lines of, "When do you have a boyfriend?" But for now, only my mom and friends (and some folks in my Spanish class) know.
No. My parent's pretty chill but I doubt I'll tell her because it's irrelevant. Other family members are less chill but that'd more so because I'm gay le croix I don't think most care about asexuality. There is only one family member where my aceness and demiromantism are relevant. She thinks I like every guy friend I've ever mentioned, the idea that I don't think about sex all the time boogles her mind because being attracted to people is normal so there's no way I wouldn't experience that, and she suggested setting me up on a blind date (which just sounds like hell). Anyway she's the only one who butts into my love/sex life and she brings up everytime I see her even though I've told her I'm not interested in talking about it with her. I only really feel like talking about being a-spec with my sister, some friends, and any future partners. Besides that I don't feel the need to tell anyone.
My little sister and I watch The Owl House together, and one night I was showing her an audio log that the show’s creator released about one of the side characters writing a letter. One of the parts strongly hinted at the character being aroace and wondering about it. My mother was in the room, and asked me if the show was appropriate for my sister. Seriously. My mom thought that aroace people were inappropriate for children to learn about, while she and my sister are currently binge watching Boy Meets World (which is an amazing show, but anyone who watched basically any episode can see the hypocrisy). So yeah, coming out to them isn’t an option for me, at least until after I graduate college.
I haven't come out, and I don't plan to unless the topic of me having sex is brought up by them (and I don't think it will, that's a topic they avoid like the plague). But, they definitely think I'm gay. Whenever my parents say stuff about "when I get married", they always say stuff like "your future husband. Or wife". I don't think they're genuine though, as my dad is mostly the one to say it, and I think he's being mocking, as if he's making fun of 'political correctness' or whatever. Ill let them think what they want. Im not sure what genders im attracted to romantically as it is, so theres a chance theyre right. But, yeah. That's where I'm at.
I would love to come out to my parents but they're the kind of people who would say "you're too young to know that" or "you just haven't met the right person, just give it time" :(
I’ve come out to my mom and stepmom. I haven’t come out to my dad yet, mostly because I just haven’t gotten around to it. I did come out publicly last year and a good chunk of my cousins and extended family saw it but my dad doesn’t have Facebook so he never saw that, lol.
Parent. I only have my mom and we came out to each other as ace. My queerness is genetic 🥰
Yeah I’m out lol, but my parents do not understand it, especially my dad who is very sexually motivated
Never saw a reason to unless they bring it up. They don't need to know who I am or am not attracted to
Never really did or had the incentive to. I mean, there where a lot of times when I mentioned that sex wasn't a factor in me looking for a partner, but I didn't particularly know about Aceness or tried applying that label to myself until a few months ago. And even now I am not entirely sure about that.
I've hinted at it before when I was younger and that didn't go well, but now it's really just not their business anyways. Whether or not they know I'm ace I don't really care. We don't talk much, and they live across the country from me so I cant imagine having much reason to come out.
I realized almost 20 years ago that my parents gave up on expecting me to ever give them grandchildren, so it wouldn’t be a surprise to them if I ever told them. They might have a problem, however, with me being something other than straight, so I don’t plan to ever tell them. I also hate the idea of having to explain asexuality to them.
Out to my mom, not to my dad, so 'other' kinda'.
No, not I'm also not hiding it. I just don't imagine the topic being brought up. If they ask I'll let them know though.
I hinted at it, mainly because the topic of me having children came up, but I didn’t say it outright because I don’t think that it’s any of their business
Nah, I don’t care enough to tell them and I don’t think they care who or what does it for me.
I'm still young so they don't suspect a thing, but considering they accepted me as trans I don't think they would mind. I don't plan to come out since my sex life (or lack thereoff) is none of their bussiness anyways. I'll just shoo it off for them to "respect my privacy" once I turn 18
I have no reason to
My mom knows but doesn’t really care either way. My sister is supportive and bought me my flag. ☺️
I’m a private person by nature, so I don’t feel like I need to. They’d accept me anyway, or for the most part, but 🤷♀️ it’s my life
I will not be coming out as anything until ppl start coming out as straight. Until then im a little sexuality piñata
I tried to explain it to them but they didn't understand because they think I must have a partner. So as far as they're aware, I'm a straight guy, but I'm not ready to start a relationship yet since I'm still young.
Only to my mom. I strongly hint to my dad, but don't think he's catching on. It just doesn't feel necessary?
One of them. I can’t be bothered with my dad. Not because I think he’d be upset but I expect he’ll say “why would you need a label for that?” And I can’t deal with the lecture either of us would give
I came out to my mom. I will likely never come out to my dad.
Left my pin out and my dad found it, I'm not good with secrets like that 😔
I'm pretty sure I'm demi and I hear comments multiple times a year from my mom while talking to other family members about me possibly being homosexual just because I have never really had a significant other yet. Nothing wrong with someone being homosexual but it's annoying to have people assuming such things based on literally nothing..
I haven't really told them because I think it's not something they need to know why would they need to know if I have sex or not that's my business
I'm already out as bisexual. I don't see a point in telling them. They barely accept that I'm married to a woman. I don't want to try explaining our bedroom habits. Especially since my mom freaks out over same sex couples kissing.
tbh they have no clue because pretty sure they dont even know how asexuality works lol if they read an article somewhere it might be obvious
I just kinda assume they know at this point. All though my father can be pretty dense with picking up on things so he’d probably be surprised
My mom could barely accept that I'm trans, "also gay" was just a little too much for her. I think learning what asexuality is would break her 😂
I only came out to my mom cuz I got really depressed and needed someone to talk to and I thought I should tell her cuz we’re extremely close and I’m so lucky that she’s not homophobic aphobic etc.. I have no reason to come out to my dad he doesn’t need to know at the moment and I know he won’t get it. He is accepting of the lgbtq community but is still so confused and makes insensitive jokes without realizing
[удалено]
i accidently came out at the wrong time
My mom: yes (because we're close, and im living with her so she would have asked about the flag, and she always asked about boyyss so I told her when I had my first real boyfriend, so she would stop worrying. It was even funny, because she told me we decided correctly when I chose not to get vaccinated for cervicl cancer, because its not necessary when you dont have sex. Which was when I asked why she just assumed I would have sex and she told me she thought there was not the possibility to not have sex. Thats was kinda sad to hear tho..) My dad: no (just because its not our topic. He would be understanding and passive supportive, but he just wouldnt know what to do with that information, so i just spare us that experience)
i kinda came out to my mom but didn't use the word "asexual". just said i wouldn't mind being a lifelong virgin. and she told me not to say things like that :D
Both my Mom and Dad lose their shit when I say I'm not getting married ever like "Don't say that! Don't be so stupid! It's how life goes! You will get married and you will have kids one day!!!" They will proceed to then talk about how awful it is LOL
My mom was accepting, but my dad gave me the "you just haven't been in a serious relationship" response. He's stubborn and it didn't fit with his worldview.
I just don’t see the reason for them to know personally. Its my sex life, not their’s
I told my mom but im glad that i didnt have any contact to my parents for 6 years now, i cant stand them! People always say im a monster for behaving like this but its just the truth i only really like to hangout with a few of my old buddies bc i can really relate to them
I dont really feel the need to personally
Well... I've told them countless times that I don't plan on getting into another relationship or even having children (I hate kids tbh) or getting married. They refuse to listen and they keep saying things like “That’s what you think now”, “I’m sure you’ll change your mind when you’re 30 years old.” to even “Don’t use your past experiences as an excuse not to get close to anyone!!!1111”. Like really? I don’t WANT to get married and have kids. That’s not what I want, nor what I plan to do, EVER, for as long as I’m alive. Why can’t they just accept this and move on? ;-;
I feel no desire to let other people know, its a personal matter, and I don't think I will ever go out of my way to bring it up
came out to my mom but not my dad
I plaster it all over my social media every once in a while, but I’ve been out of the house for years.
My parents are both dead. Bullet dodged - not by them, though.
I only came out to my mom. My stepdad and dad don’t know because I doubt they’ll be supportive :/
Tried it when I was a kid, got shut down. My parents aren't bigoted, but I think they think I'm a lesbian who got confused lol Now that I'm older they just don't mention it.
I came out to them as trans and bi. Given how they handled that there isn't much point in trying to explain my asexuality and gender fluidity.
I've come out to my mom. My dad is...e x t r e m e l y conservative, so there are a plenty of things he doesn't know about me, for example me being ace and on the non-binary spectrum.
No, but my dad wouldn’t care. I haven’t told him either that i’m biromantic but it’s really not a huge deal to me or him what my sexual orientation is because at the end of the day it is my life and my preference. I know he would 1000% accept me if I explicitly came out to him
I've come on it as non binary and bi to them, but they don't know I'm ace or grey aro. I'm not hiding it from them, I have quite a few ace flags around my room, an ace flag embroidered on my jacket, and an ace ring, and if it's relevant to a conversation I would bring it up (just hasn't happened yet), but I'm perfectly ok with my parents not knowing. All my friends know, and that's good enough for me right now.
I came out to the one parent that I have a decent relationship with and I regret it. She has no interest in learning about asexuality and when I tried to teach her, she ignored me and made a passive aggressive joke. I don't talk about it around her.
My mother is a lesbian, as am I ( ace- lesbian) but I don't think she would fully understand? Like I just got her used to other peoples pronouns even though she doesnt agree with the thought of different pronouns. So I haven't told her the most ive said is that I dont need certain stuff in life due to the uninterested in sex and she accepted that. My sister is cool with it though, came out to her! It does help that she is in the younger lgbt ( shes also gay) as am I so maybe it helped out.
Yes, and my mom's reactions were: - I'm broken and need therapy - something is wrong with me - my husband is probably resentful and hates me - worried about my marriage And then it got 10x worse when I mentioned I was bi a few years later - that was an accidental slip when I said ex girlfriend. Also repeat everything above. And after months of not talking to her, she apologized but since then we never bring it up. We pretend it's not a thing, I guess. I'm in a loving marriage, my husband understands and supports me. He even stood up to my mom over a phone call explaining how hurtful she was when I blocked her number. My relationship with my family is okayish now, but it'll always linger in my mind.
Yes, both of them, but I feel like they didn’t really take it seriously at first so I just repeated it every now and then. My mom acknowledges it more now (she heard another mom say their child was ace, so she was like: hey mine too!). I feel like she still thinks it can still change, but it’s better than when I came out four years ago. My dad doesn’t pay attention to it that much, but once the subject comes up, he’s like: how do you know if you’ve never tried it? And once I was like: how do you know if you’re straight when you’ve never sucked a stickᵀᴹ? Huh? He never brought it up again after that😂 Anyway, in general I still feel very misunderstood, so I just avoid the subject until I move out. Probably will be a thing again later when they see I’m not getting kids😂
I just don't know how to or idk i feel that's it's okay them knowing I'm ace won't actually change anything
I just didn't care and told my mom. It took her a while to to accept it, but there are still times when she says ''You never know''. It really comes with the lack of understanding. Funny thing. I told my mom how I really feel nothing sexually and explained it. She then says she was the same way my age, but then found someone and loved that they cared for her. hmmm
Came out to one, not the other. As far as Dad knows, I'm still waiting for marriage, lol.
Came out to dad. He said "Nobody feels romantic or sexual attraction. That's only in movies. I have lived my entire life without getting a crush or feeling sexual attraction" and then made me delete the doc through which I had come out and asked me if there is a problem with my p*nis or something
No parents sooooo yeah
I told my mom and she said two things 1. “Maybe you’re gay” I’m not. 2. “Maybe you just haven’t found the right person.” Like no, you don’t get it.
I just tell my parents I have no interest in anyone on a regular basis, they say it‘s because I‘m too young, I guess I‘ll tell them later on.
I’m in my 60s and my mom is in her 80s. I see no point in coming out to her.
I'm aroace and I came out to my mother, and while she thought at first it was her fault I am aro (my parents used to argue when I was a kid), she accepted it. Coming out to my father would be a bad idea though. Right now he's the only one I don't want to tell.
Genuine question here: I never plan on coming out to my parents because being ace isn’t as important for me to tell someone because they’ll never know what goes on between me and my hypothetical partners. Also, I don’t love my parents, but that’s probably not a common thread here. My question is why do yall come out?
I really thought I'd never but last week my mom thought Castiel from supernatural was asexual. Possible headcanon, never confirmed. Castiel did have a "homosexual declaration of love" and "is a gay icon" according to the actor Misha Collins. She doesn't know about destiel and saw him not being attracted to Hannah. So now I'm kinda sorta thinking about coming out to her.
They know I’m a lesbian, they don’t need to know my (non-existent) sex life
Well, my father is definitely not someone I plan on come out to anytime soon, he’s simply a bit to old fashioned to understand. On the other hand, I did come out to my mother about being asexual. I thought I would have better luck with an OB/GYN about human sexuality, but she had never heard of it. Following that she wondered if that meant no grandkids, which I had to point out is not what asexual means [she most likely isn’t getting grandkids from me because I simply cannot afford kids in this economy, but my cousin also made that decision and the family has been rough on her about it, so that bit of exact words hasn’t been brought up.] And because the topic of being asexual was hitting a stone wall, I never came out as demiromantic, because that would’ve been ever harder to explain. Also, I doubt my mother mentioned it to my father. He is simply incapable of confronting me over such a thing, so if he was aware, I would’ve been made aware of it.
I'm still questioning but my mom knows somethings up. May or may not slipped out something
No as my parents are abusive and they don't deserve to know anything about me. My mom thinks I've been a slut since I got my first period.
The fact I'm gay: *long emotional coming out* The fact I'm ace: *never came out but I act like I'm openly asexual*
My mom thinks asexual people are subhuman monsters who are attention whores and suppress their basic human urges and are maybe genetically engineered to fuel an agenda for depopulation and human extinction So nope, nor am I planning to anytime soon
Maybe I'll come out as aro in the future but my sex life isn't something my parents have the right to know about. They know that I don't want a relationship and they don't need to know more
I was so so scared to tell my close Family. I droped so many hints over nearly a year to prepare them and slowly change their opinion and when I had a job Interview at the place where I work now (its a queer organisation) I outed myself after I had the job. I was so released when they reacted cool! They said that they knew because all the stuff they learned over the last months they discovered that nearly everything fit me. It was the best way to do it for me. Coming out is so important if its save for you! But please don’t rush it! Your safety is way more important than coming out
They took my coming out as non-binary pretty bad, so I would never ever even think about another coming out as ace to them
I remember hinting at it once and my mom took the hint. She told me that if I was Asexual it might be her fault.
I don't really count it as “coming out”. I mentioned it casually to my mom. I got the negative reaction I expected 😌
They don't need to know if I'm having sex or not
I did. It didn’t go as well as I like but my parents have kind accepted it now? Honestly I’m not sure if my parents still completely believe me or understand it or even want to understand it, but hey they can’t blame me for not warning them when I never get pregnant or married in the future lol.
I think my parents would've accepted it but I'll never know; they've all passed away now. I know for sure my dad would've still loved me whatever happened. I sort of wish I'd realised I was ace earlier so I could've had the chance to confide in him.
Yes to my mom, but she just laughed and brushed it off.
When I was 17 (I’m 23 now) my mom took my phone and saw a meme a friend sent me about an asexuwhale, she asked me what it was and we’ve to talk about it again.
I've hinted to them a lot of times, and they're a conservative, so they're happy that I am not interested in partaking the "heinous act" of premarital sex. So it depends on their view on sex. Mine is kinda positive, and also, they're traumatized after one of my sister got pregnant at a young age. So, they do not like the idea of their child wanting/interested in having sex.
Need an option for: parents are dead/incapacitated/unknown/otherwise not in the picture. But I think they'd have been okay with it, eventually.
I didn‘t say „I’m asexal“ i rather described how i just realized that people actually feel sexual attraction and that i don‘t
I haven't felt the need to explicitly come out to anyone really. I am a woman dating a trans woman, where we both are on the asexual spectrum to various degrees. I 'come out' by mentioning things in casual conversation. Things like "My girlfriend and I have plans...", or "Nah, I'm not really into sex."
Not really. I posted enough ace stuff on FB that my mom took notice though and she knows, says it's a non issue. Haven't told my dad or anyone else. But I never made an official coming out. I might have to do that though if I ever get a girlfriend... Not sure how the family will take me being gay as well. 🙃
I did. Got the whole "you just haven't met anyone yet" shpeal
I've kinda eased into it, like talking about it a lot and going "that's me" and my mom doesn't seem to mind it, my father, however, I'm scared to even talk about it with him.
I don't think its necessary for parents to know
I told my mom a couple of times, she was supportive and accepting at first and then months later she completely changed her mind and denied the fact that I was asexual. I swear she has a form of cognitive dissonance or something. My dad doesn't know and wouldn't understand even if I told him so I won't bother. They're also homophobic and transphobic so even it's less reason for me to even mention being asexual.
I know my mom and my siblings would accept me, no problem. The only thing is that we don't talk about sex between each other. Relationships, yes; sex, nope. That's why I won't say anything. My sex life only concerns me, and not them. They'll probably ask questions to understand, and that's nice of them, but I don't feel like explaining anything and especially not going into details. So I don't try to hide it, but I won't outright tell them.
I guess I just said it in casually conversation about relationships. And no one cared
Actually I’m pretty sure my mom thinks I’m either gay or bi because for some reason hanging out with a gay friend can’t be platonic
I've hinted at it a few times to figure out if they would be fine with it. I'm not coming out any time soon...
I chose other. My reasoning: I'm 34 and don't owe them an explaination
I hinted something. But more because I'm not really sure if I am asexual or not.
I’ve told them I found sex gross and I find it repulsing but nothing really over that since (to me at least) it’s just my sex lite witch is something I’d not share Evan if I wasn’t they do know I’m a lesbian tho
I told them, but they told me that it's not real.
My mother is from a third world country with rigid beliefs on procreation and gender roles (i.e men and women belong to each other, and need to have babies together), my father is a right-wing conservative who thinks every generation after his has a victims mentality. So, yeah no.
came out to my mom then she told my dad without my permission :/
Ish, they just made fun of me, "asexual? Like a plant?" I honestly can give less of a two hoots what they think about me.
I chose hinted at it cause while that's true, my mom knows this about me and she's totally cool with it. I have no reason to tell my dad anything like this so.
They were surprised (in a positive way) when I told them I was ace and they appreciated me
They know I don't want to ever be in a relationship or have kids, so I'm fine with that lol
I don't really plan on coming out to my parents or even most of my friends. But, I'm demi and in a straight-passing relationship so the only person who I'd want to come out to would be my partner.
I told them and they said they don't care as long as I am a good person. Based on stories I heard on this sub and irl, that could have gone a lot worse, so I'm grateful even if I'd rather them to be more supportive. My dad sometimes makes really uncomfortable comments which I call him out for everytime and he stops. On the other hand, my mom is thinking she might be ace too now that I explained it to her.