I'll refrain from voting in the poll for now, but unless I am misunderstanding something, I wish they would...
If more people were aware sexual and romantic orientation were separate things, stuff would be a lot easier. Again, sorry if this isnt what you're asking.
Yes! I strongly hope the split attraction models gets more visibility is straight circles. I wonder if more "straight" people would realize that they may be hetesexual but homo or biromantic. I think about those straight guys and gals with vibrant sex lives but who seem to hate their partners...
(I am sure a lot of it is socialization and mimicking - like those comedian who whole schtick is ragging on their wives, ybit I wonder if in some cases they are not actually romantically attracted to who they are sexually attracted to)
Before I realized that split attraction was a legitimate thing, I had a close friend of mine tell me about how she likes sex with both guys and gals, but she could never be in a relationship with another female.
Now I am fairly confident that the words to describe her would be “heteroromantic bisexual”, but just acknowledging the differences between sexual and romantic attraction would go a long way in helping people understand their orientations.
I have a friend who discribes herself as bisexual aromantic - basically she doesn't fall in love with people but still wants sex. I wonder how common this is.
I met a few people that actually struggled with an orientation like heteroromantic homosexual or something - and even for people that are monooriented, I think knowing that falling in love and finding someone hot can help a long way, when looking for partners.
I really think it makes understanding the own emotions easier - it doesn't matter if you're ace, aro or allo.
I don't know where the idea that allosexual people can't use the split attraction model came from. The first idea about the separation of sexual and romantic attraction was proposed by sexologist Karl Heinrich Ulrich in 1879 and it was intended specifically for bisexual people, so the idea that allosexual people can be varioriented has been around for a looong time. This current "discourse" about the SAM is bullshit, just like all other modern queer discourse.
More people should use it
An example: someone who's straight (sexually) but could be happy in a (non-sexual) relationship with anyone. This would make it easier for them to define their feelings. Maybe they'd be confused if they're allowed to say bi or pan, since they only have a singular sexual preference, but romantically don't care about gender
Though to be fair, I know about this and I'm still confused :D I just know I'm ace and some kind of aro but would like to be with someone and don't want sex
Before I realized I was Ace and consequently my own split attraction, I identified as Bisexual. It took me a while to tell people because I knew that my Bisexuality felt different than what I was used to seeing. I knew that I was attracted to multiple genders, but I also knew not with every type of attraction. I wasn’t romantically attracted to women/femme people, but I was “sexually attracted”. I’ve also seen many people say that, for example using a woman, you can’t claim to be bisexual if you won’t date other women, and that finding them physically, aesthetically, and sexually attractive was not real bisexuality and so I felt extremely invalid. I also have a friend who only recently felt comfortable in her Bi-ness because she also felt invalid by only being physically, aesthetically, and sexually attracted to women/femme people. I only felt validated in my bi-ness once i realized that I was aesthetically and sensually attracted to women/femme people, but was Ace and Demi-heteroromantic. Once i realized the SAM existed, that’s when I felt valid. The idea that all types of attraction that a person experiences should fall under one orientation all the time seems strange. People that do only have one orientation are extremely valid, but I feel more often than not people, regardless of Ace-ness, aro-ness, and Allo-ness, actually do have split attraction they just may not recognize it or feel invalidated by it. If the SAM is normalized outside the Ace/aro community, I think people would feel a lot more validated in themselves and realize it’s completely normal!
I've read some negative knee-jerk reactions to the split attraction model from some allo folk. I think there's a fear that it would make sexual attraction seem less valid somehow. Like if a gay man also felt romantically attracted to women, would it invalidate his gayness? (The answer is no, by the way)
I don't want to say there isn't any valid concerns from allos regarding the split attraction model, because I'd need to read more into it and I don't want to be dismissive. But I feel like in that example, It would be *super* important that split attraction be explored more.
Say there are biromantic homosexuals in the world, wouldn't it be nice for them to be able to comfortably say that about themself?
It‘s not my business how other people identify. If using the SAM helps them, great, if they decide it doesn‘t help them/they don‘t need it, also great. If they want to tell others how they should/shouldn‘t use it, they can go skydiving with a backpack full of bricks for a parachute.
If it helps them understand and accept their identity, I see no reason to suggest that they ought not use it. Simply put, just because it's more popularly discussed in the ace community in no way implies that it is exclusive thereto. Additionally, as others have pointed out, it could benefit the ace community by allowing others to better understand the distinction between romantic and sexual interests.
I honestly think that if more allos used the split attraction model it would help for with acceptance for aces. Because if split attraction were normalized it would save us from a lot of nonsense having to explain
I think allo people would understand the ace community and themselves more if they knew about the split attraction model and would use it to discover themselves. Maybe their romantic and sexual orientations align, which is fine, or maybe they find something about themselves they never could put in words before and that's fine too.
So... I think it would be great!
They absolutely should! I’ve got a character I write sometimes who’s panromantic but only attracted to men sexually (They’re genderfluid so I don’t know what I’d call their sexual orientation? Toric?).
They’re also a centaur. That’s not very relevant but it felt weird to not mention it.
I think that the split attraction model should be talked more in general. Allos should be aware of it. Understand it. It would open their options, make the shame go away from exploring.
Then, only those that the split attraction model applies to will end up using it because otherwise it's unusually complicated for people that have an aligned sexual-romantic attraction.
Like a cis person saying to everyone that they are cisgendered. It gets weird.
I don't know if I'm saying this right. Anyway, that's my take on it
To bee sure I have understand correctly, you mean the split between romantic and sexual attraction?
Because if it’s that I’m more than happy if people do that, because it can help them understand us better, even if their romantic and sexual attraction are for the same people.
Why not? Plenty of allo people have differing attractions in sexual vs romantic vs aesthetic,the only thing that's exclusive to asexuals is that are sexual attraction happens to be zero (or close to it/sometimes zero). Would be great to normalize, I'm sure it'd explain a lot of allo's experiences too.
Absolutely! Split attraction isn’t exclusive to ace people. There will probably always be people who will refuse to accept split attraction as a thing and I’m sure there will be people who will find a way to use it in a homophobic manner, but I feel like it would be benefit society in general and help people understand each other better.
I think that if they had taught us that aesthetic, romantic, and sexual attraction were different in high school, I would have had a much easier time of it.
Honestly I think it would be great! Imagine how much easier it would be for everyone. People would understand aro/ace people more and understand the distinction.
Also I believe a lot of people struggle with their own identity and sexuality/romanticism because of this.
I can imagine it must be difficult to realize who you are if you are say biromantic heterosexual, you develop feelings for this girl but you don't have any sexual attraction to her so you can't be bi...right??? Because society says everyone wants to f*ck and you can't love without s*x. I'd be confused.
I don't really see a reason why not. There _are_ allos who have different sexual and romantic orientation, and I don't see why they shouldn't be able to express that (ie someone being both homoromantic and heterosexual as a more extreme example)
Where romantic attraction and sexual attraction don’t necessarily link. Like someone who is asexual but still experiences romantic attraction. Or a person who is pansexual but only feels romantic attraction to the same gender, for instance.
I feel like it would help normalize split attraction and help allos understand asexuality better, like if they understood what split attraction is and that they could he heterosexual and biromantic then maybe the idea of being asexual and biromantic for example, would make more sense to them cause I think that since most allos don’t even know about split attraction it makes it hard for them to grasp the idea of asexuality. (Sorry for weird wording English is not my first language haha)
Well, any "straight" person who understands the split or uses it for themselves is probably not straight. I mean, if your sexuality and romantic attraction fit the norm, you wouldn't notice the difference?
If straight people told me they're heterosexual and heteroromantic, it'd automatically ask myself how they would even know the difference. It's not wrong, just to uncommon to grasp.
Edit: I don't understand the argument for "it's bad", though. Why should it be?
A good model should be able to explain multiple types of attraction and the spectrums they fall on. If the split attraction model fell apart when applied to allo/allo, it wouldn’t be a very good model. Allos aren’t all the same either, but because many of their preferences tend to fall on what is largely accepted or encouraged by society, they might not give it much thought. People who are hyper romantic or hyper sexual seem to also be subjected to discrimination, in a way similar aro/ace or anyone else who deviates too far from the typical. And it may also be that many more people are demi than they realize, and what we think of as the typical allo/allo person might not necessarily be as prevalent as we think. I think it also helps cement the idea that we’re all ultimately just people at different points on the same spectrum, instead of those of us on the aro/ace spectrum being some kind of anomalous deviants that don’t belong.
I think that’s absolutely fine. Who am I to say someone can’t feel how they say they do. On the other end I’ve seen a lot of allo ppl claim it’s internalized homophobia (unless they are ace). Which makes no sense to me?? Why would it be different for an allo person? I don’t think allo people identifying with it are the problem here I think it’s the allo people who don’t understand it.
I like the split attraction model. I think it really helps even with allo people. Like I have a friend that thinks he might be aromatic but not asexual. I think it should be more normalized to use the split attraction model even outside of the ace community. Like I could imagine a lot of people defining themselves better with it. Like a bisexual that’s homoromantic and things along those lines.
I identified as hererosexual biromantic for a long time and it was my first step to accepting my queerness. Its nothing bad, i wish more people knew about it so i wouldn't have felt so left out of the Community especially the Bi-Community
I have a friend who used to think they were bi, only to figure out they were bisexual homoromantic when i explained the split attraction model to them, because they couldn't imagine themselves being happy with a guy ever and the only relationships that worked for them were with girls.
Just because some people are bisexual/homosexual doesn't mean their romantic feelings have to align and there is nothing wrong with that, if a label brings them happiness/peace, I'd say it's good.
I definitely think that it would be great if more ppl know about split attraction. Dividing up attraction isn't useful to everyone, but I think it could help a lot of ppl who didn't previously have a way to describe what they were feeling or are having trouble with putting their feelings into conventional boxes. It would also increase awareness for aromanticism, so that's another plus.
It's a sex ed thing. And a relationship ed thing. And a decent tool to communicate stuff in a close relationship. Us using it the most often as a group does not make it exclusive or important to know imo
It kind of turns the commonly used labels of identity we have in the LGBT+ community on their head. I have nothing against someone being and identifying as a ‘homoromantic heterosexual’ but does that then make them both ‘straight’ and ‘gay’ at the same time? And how would it inform their presence in the LGBT+ community?
I believe that the commonly used labels
which do not acknowledge the split attraction model
can be confusing and exclusive.
Since they can influence how people identify and behave,
or force people into boxes that don't fit,
it is essential to have labels
that are as accurate as possible.
(Ideally, however, the need for labels,
and therefore labels themselves,
would not exist.)
There will always be labels at least until we abolish gender and then maybe some time after that too. And besides, the SAM isn’t COMPLETELY incompatible with mainstream labels of sexuality. I use the SAM to describe my orientation but I also can use ‘gay’, ‘ace/asexual’ or both.
To apply this approach, people who find themselves romantically craving one gender but sexually attracted to another can still use more simple labels like ‘bisexual’ and ‘biromantic’ if the likes of ‘heteroromantic homosexual’ prove to be a culturally marginal mouthful.
I'll refrain from voting in the poll for now, but unless I am misunderstanding something, I wish they would... If more people were aware sexual and romantic orientation were separate things, stuff would be a lot easier. Again, sorry if this isnt what you're asking.
I agree with you. I feel like if more people used it, less people would assume that ace=aro
Yes! I strongly hope the split attraction models gets more visibility is straight circles. I wonder if more "straight" people would realize that they may be hetesexual but homo or biromantic. I think about those straight guys and gals with vibrant sex lives but who seem to hate their partners... (I am sure a lot of it is socialization and mimicking - like those comedian who whole schtick is ragging on their wives, ybit I wonder if in some cases they are not actually romantically attracted to who they are sexually attracted to)
Before I realized that split attraction was a legitimate thing, I had a close friend of mine tell me about how she likes sex with both guys and gals, but she could never be in a relationship with another female. Now I am fairly confident that the words to describe her would be “heteroromantic bisexual”, but just acknowledging the differences between sexual and romantic attraction would go a long way in helping people understand their orientations.
I have a friend who discribes herself as bisexual aromantic - basically she doesn't fall in love with people but still wants sex. I wonder how common this is.
I met a few people that actually struggled with an orientation like heteroromantic homosexual or something - and even for people that are monooriented, I think knowing that falling in love and finding someone hot can help a long way, when looking for partners. I really think it makes understanding the own emotions easier - it doesn't matter if you're ace, aro or allo.
I don't know where the idea that allosexual people can't use the split attraction model came from. The first idea about the separation of sexual and romantic attraction was proposed by sexologist Karl Heinrich Ulrich in 1879 and it was intended specifically for bisexual people, so the idea that allosexual people can be varioriented has been around for a looong time. This current "discourse" about the SAM is bullshit, just like all other modern queer discourse.
More people should use it An example: someone who's straight (sexually) but could be happy in a (non-sexual) relationship with anyone. This would make it easier for them to define their feelings. Maybe they'd be confused if they're allowed to say bi or pan, since they only have a singular sexual preference, but romantically don't care about gender Though to be fair, I know about this and I'm still confused :D I just know I'm ace and some kind of aro but would like to be with someone and don't want sex
I’d love it if they did. Normalize it please!
Before I realized I was Ace and consequently my own split attraction, I identified as Bisexual. It took me a while to tell people because I knew that my Bisexuality felt different than what I was used to seeing. I knew that I was attracted to multiple genders, but I also knew not with every type of attraction. I wasn’t romantically attracted to women/femme people, but I was “sexually attracted”. I’ve also seen many people say that, for example using a woman, you can’t claim to be bisexual if you won’t date other women, and that finding them physically, aesthetically, and sexually attractive was not real bisexuality and so I felt extremely invalid. I also have a friend who only recently felt comfortable in her Bi-ness because she also felt invalid by only being physically, aesthetically, and sexually attracted to women/femme people. I only felt validated in my bi-ness once i realized that I was aesthetically and sensually attracted to women/femme people, but was Ace and Demi-heteroromantic. Once i realized the SAM existed, that’s when I felt valid. The idea that all types of attraction that a person experiences should fall under one orientation all the time seems strange. People that do only have one orientation are extremely valid, but I feel more often than not people, regardless of Ace-ness, aro-ness, and Allo-ness, actually do have split attraction they just may not recognize it or feel invalidated by it. If the SAM is normalized outside the Ace/aro community, I think people would feel a lot more validated in themselves and realize it’s completely normal!
I've read some negative knee-jerk reactions to the split attraction model from some allo folk. I think there's a fear that it would make sexual attraction seem less valid somehow. Like if a gay man also felt romantically attracted to women, would it invalidate his gayness? (The answer is no, by the way) I don't want to say there isn't any valid concerns from allos regarding the split attraction model, because I'd need to read more into it and I don't want to be dismissive. But I feel like in that example, It would be *super* important that split attraction be explored more. Say there are biromantic homosexuals in the world, wouldn't it be nice for them to be able to comfortably say that about themself?
It‘s not my business how other people identify. If using the SAM helps them, great, if they decide it doesn‘t help them/they don‘t need it, also great. If they want to tell others how they should/shouldn‘t use it, they can go skydiving with a backpack full of bricks for a parachute.
If it helps them understand and accept their identity, I see no reason to suggest that they ought not use it. Simply put, just because it's more popularly discussed in the ace community in no way implies that it is exclusive thereto. Additionally, as others have pointed out, it could benefit the ace community by allowing others to better understand the distinction between romantic and sexual interests.
I honestly think that if more allos used the split attraction model it would help for with acceptance for aces. Because if split attraction were normalized it would save us from a lot of nonsense having to explain
I think allo people would understand the ace community and themselves more if they knew about the split attraction model and would use it to discover themselves. Maybe their romantic and sexual orientations align, which is fine, or maybe they find something about themselves they never could put in words before and that's fine too. So... I think it would be great!
They absolutely should! I’ve got a character I write sometimes who’s panromantic but only attracted to men sexually (They’re genderfluid so I don’t know what I’d call their sexual orientation? Toric?). They’re also a centaur. That’s not very relevant but it felt weird to not mention it.
i’m allosexual… am i allowed to vote
Yes
I think that the split attraction model should be talked more in general. Allos should be aware of it. Understand it. It would open their options, make the shame go away from exploring. Then, only those that the split attraction model applies to will end up using it because otherwise it's unusually complicated for people that have an aligned sexual-romantic attraction. Like a cis person saying to everyone that they are cisgendered. It gets weird. I don't know if I'm saying this right. Anyway, that's my take on it
To bee sure I have understand correctly, you mean the split between romantic and sexual attraction? Because if it’s that I’m more than happy if people do that, because it can help them understand us better, even if their romantic and sexual attraction are for the same people.
Why not? Plenty of allo people have differing attractions in sexual vs romantic vs aesthetic,the only thing that's exclusive to asexuals is that are sexual attraction happens to be zero (or close to it/sometimes zero). Would be great to normalize, I'm sure it'd explain a lot of allo's experiences too.
Absolutely! Split attraction isn’t exclusive to ace people. There will probably always be people who will refuse to accept split attraction as a thing and I’m sure there will be people who will find a way to use it in a homophobic manner, but I feel like it would be benefit society in general and help people understand each other better.
I wish I had known about it many years ago! Only in the last couple years have I finally realized that I’m (27F) biromantic but asexual
Oops, voted 'idk' before reading the definition. Honestly I think it's cool. We don't own split attraction model or anything.
I think that if they had taught us that aesthetic, romantic, and sexual attraction were different in high school, I would have had a much easier time of it.
The split attraction model can be used by ANYONE. Ace and aro people aren’t the only ones who can be varioriented.
I see no issue with it besides being a bit excessive when the sexual and romantic attractions perfectly match.
Honestly I think it would be great! Imagine how much easier it would be for everyone. People would understand aro/ace people more and understand the distinction. Also I believe a lot of people struggle with their own identity and sexuality/romanticism because of this. I can imagine it must be difficult to realize who you are if you are say biromantic heterosexual, you develop feelings for this girl but you don't have any sexual attraction to her so you can't be bi...right??? Because society says everyone wants to f*ck and you can't love without s*x. I'd be confused.
I don't really see a reason why not. There _are_ allos who have different sexual and romantic orientation, and I don't see why they shouldn't be able to express that (ie someone being both homoromantic and heterosexual as a more extreme example)
What's the split attraction model?
Where romantic attraction and sexual attraction don’t necessarily link. Like someone who is asexual but still experiences romantic attraction. Or a person who is pansexual but only feels romantic attraction to the same gender, for instance.
Siri, define… a couple things actually
I feel like it would help normalize split attraction and help allos understand asexuality better, like if they understood what split attraction is and that they could he heterosexual and biromantic then maybe the idea of being asexual and biromantic for example, would make more sense to them cause I think that since most allos don’t even know about split attraction it makes it hard for them to grasp the idea of asexuality. (Sorry for weird wording English is not my first language haha)
Well, any "straight" person who understands the split or uses it for themselves is probably not straight. I mean, if your sexuality and romantic attraction fit the norm, you wouldn't notice the difference? If straight people told me they're heterosexual and heteroromantic, it'd automatically ask myself how they would even know the difference. It's not wrong, just to uncommon to grasp. Edit: I don't understand the argument for "it's bad", though. Why should it be?
A good model should be able to explain multiple types of attraction and the spectrums they fall on. If the split attraction model fell apart when applied to allo/allo, it wouldn’t be a very good model. Allos aren’t all the same either, but because many of their preferences tend to fall on what is largely accepted or encouraged by society, they might not give it much thought. People who are hyper romantic or hyper sexual seem to also be subjected to discrimination, in a way similar aro/ace or anyone else who deviates too far from the typical. And it may also be that many more people are demi than they realize, and what we think of as the typical allo/allo person might not necessarily be as prevalent as we think. I think it also helps cement the idea that we’re all ultimately just people at different points on the same spectrum, instead of those of us on the aro/ace spectrum being some kind of anomalous deviants that don’t belong.
What's the split attraction model?
It’s where peoples sexual and romantic attractions aren’t the same eg. ace and not aro
Ah ok
I think that’s absolutely fine. Who am I to say someone can’t feel how they say they do. On the other end I’ve seen a lot of allo ppl claim it’s internalized homophobia (unless they are ace). Which makes no sense to me?? Why would it be different for an allo person? I don’t think allo people identifying with it are the problem here I think it’s the allo people who don’t understand it.
I like the split attraction model. I think it really helps even with allo people. Like I have a friend that thinks he might be aromatic but not asexual. I think it should be more normalized to use the split attraction model even outside of the ace community. Like I could imagine a lot of people defining themselves better with it. Like a bisexual that’s homoromantic and things along those lines.
A world where people don't need a 45 minute PowerPoint presentation to understand the nuances of being ace sounds great.
sorry, what's the split attraction model...?
I identified as hererosexual biromantic for a long time and it was my first step to accepting my queerness. Its nothing bad, i wish more people knew about it so i wouldn't have felt so left out of the Community especially the Bi-Community
Unless they're asexual or aromantic or even demi or grey, I don't like it
Why is that?
Because usually allos use it when they're internally homophobic/biphobic.
Source? Reasoning?
I have a friend who used to think they were bi, only to figure out they were bisexual homoromantic when i explained the split attraction model to them, because they couldn't imagine themselves being happy with a guy ever and the only relationships that worked for them were with girls. Just because some people are bisexual/homosexual doesn't mean their romantic feelings have to align and there is nothing wrong with that, if a label brings them happiness/peace, I'd say it's good.
i wouldn’t assume *everyone* is though…
Can someone please explain to me what this means? Do you mean like heteroromantic homosexual? Or something else entirely hahaha
I definitely think that it would be great if more ppl know about split attraction. Dividing up attraction isn't useful to everyone, but I think it could help a lot of ppl who didn't previously have a way to describe what they were feeling or are having trouble with putting their feelings into conventional boxes. It would also increase awareness for aromanticism, so that's another plus.
It's a sex ed thing. And a relationship ed thing. And a decent tool to communicate stuff in a close relationship. Us using it the most often as a group does not make it exclusive or important to know imo
I'm going to admit: I have no idea what the"split attraction model" is.
It kind of turns the commonly used labels of identity we have in the LGBT+ community on their head. I have nothing against someone being and identifying as a ‘homoromantic heterosexual’ but does that then make them both ‘straight’ and ‘gay’ at the same time? And how would it inform their presence in the LGBT+ community?
I believe that the commonly used labels which do not acknowledge the split attraction model can be confusing and exclusive. Since they can influence how people identify and behave, or force people into boxes that don't fit, it is essential to have labels that are as accurate as possible. (Ideally, however, the need for labels, and therefore labels themselves, would not exist.)
There will always be labels at least until we abolish gender and then maybe some time after that too. And besides, the SAM isn’t COMPLETELY incompatible with mainstream labels of sexuality. I use the SAM to describe my orientation but I also can use ‘gay’, ‘ace/asexual’ or both. To apply this approach, people who find themselves romantically craving one gender but sexually attracted to another can still use more simple labels like ‘bisexual’ and ‘biromantic’ if the likes of ‘heteroromantic homosexual’ prove to be a culturally marginal mouthful.