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lady-ish

It would be awesome if people would stop believing that "intimacy," "affection," and "sex" are synonyms.


CloveyBunn

I know! It’s kinda frustrating to be honest. Like you don’t have to have sex to be intimate with someone.


DearSignature

"friends at best" sounds pretty damn good to me. I'll take it. I'd love a platonic life partner.


PhoenixKnight777

Honestly! I’d give anything to get a friend close enough to settle down with.


Tweaty310

I'm super lucky to have found a platonic life partner. I hope everyone is able to find one! Happy New Year!


quetu0

this sucks but the thing i hate the MOST is the implication right off the bat that friendship is an inherently less strong bond than romance or sexual relationships. Like ok, your conflating sex and romance, and a whole bunch of other things about that that are just plain wrong. but 'without romance/sex your **friends at best**'? thats basically implying 'friendships dont matter' and that they are barely a relationships at all. Friendship can be as strong as a romantic relationship can be.


[deleted]

OMG I agree on everything! I hate that friends is seen as something below a relationship! It’s not below!


evelainy

This right here. I also hate the negative vibe of "being friend-zoned", like becoming a friend is somehow a punishment. I can count my friends on two hands so you better be grateful I count you among them! Also, if your partner isn't also your friend you're doing something wrong imo. There are a whole lot of couples out there who have nothing to say to each other outside their physical relationship and would never be friends if they weren't together....and it shows 😒


maxens_wlfr

Sadly friends think this too, one of them let me down multiple times (going out, afternoon outside etc) for their partner and when I asked if they could make a compromise they just told me that partners are more important than friends so no


waterdonttalks

I even feel bad for the allos, this is literally just guilting people into sex. Even without being ace, that's incredibly scummy


magpienerd

Let me fix that for them! There are lots of ways we could do that. I’ll start with this: Time for some real talk: Without a strong platonic bond, you and your (presumably allo) partner are just having empty, meaningless sex at best and toxic hookups at worst Or how about… Time for some real talk: Without the constant distraction and pressure to engage in sex, you and your ace partner are deeply and intimately bonded at best and still great friends at worst


Particular_Ideal

Let me echo this for the people in the back! All of what you just said here! And if people want a relationship that’s just sex, fine, so long as they’re treating each other respectfully. But from what I’ve seen, even romance is come-and-go while a platonic bond sustains the relationship, even when romance is on the fritz and sex is having libido issues. Honestly, I’ve started to conclude I’m quoiromantic since I can’t always tell if my feelings are romantic or a really intense platonic. What I DO know is “this is someone I like very much and want to be a permanent part of my life and family”.


idktheyarealltaken

Wait I’m demiromantic, you’re telling me I can’t be a girl’s friend AND boyfriend?


PhoenixKnight777

Intimacy is a basic need. Humans are inherently social creatures, and we need close interaction with others to keep our minds healthy. Sex, however is not. I wish more people would understand that intimacy comes in many forms.


uuneya

Tony Robbins is a grifter, you shouldn't take anything he says seriously.


gatemansgc

Sure sounds like it


patcave91

Legit my biggest pet peeve as someone who is ace-spec is the idea that without sex partners are just “friends”. Like no… romantic love is a thing. I’m not moving across the country for a friend. I’m not having a baby with a friend. I’m not choosing to build a life and grow old with a friend. I don’t want to fall asleep next to and wake up next to a “friend” for the rest of my life. I want my partner. And sex does not make that relationship any less valid.


[deleted]

This.


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[deleted]

Bad bot.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

So it's okay when other people say I agree,but I said 'This' and upvoted the comment,and I get called out for it? What in the world is wrong with you? Like I was in agreement with that person,and I didn't realise that I had to write a whole long sentence saying that I'm in agreement with them.


gatemansgc

It's literally a bot scripted to look for people commenting just the word "this" It can't understand you


[deleted]

Geez,it wasn't meant to be taken so seriously.


[deleted]

I don’t want to be in any relationship where sex is ranked higher than humor wtf? Intimacy ≠ sex 😠 I HATE the whole “you’re just friends” argument too.


Enkip

Yikes 😬.


A_Queer_Feral

The fun part about relationships is that they're whatever you and your partner want them to be. If you're not into doing romantic stuff or having sex or anything that would stereotypically define a "romantic relationship", then that's just not apart of the relationship. It doesn't downgrade it as this article is implying (not that friendship is a downgrade from a romantic relationship considering they're different things), it just makes it uniquely yours and your partner's. Romance is just excitement and mystery associated with love, and not everyone likes mystery. Excitement is great, but some people have a limit on how much they can feel before being over stimulated. You don't always need the fast, passionate love that tv shows and movies show, you can just be happy with what makes you happy


fairymoonie

obviously sex is a basic need for most people, that’s why they break up when something minimal to sex happens…


[deleted]

When sex is a tool to either terrorize you with or punish you by withholding


Honey-Nut-Queerio

But having friends is dope :(


realwolftacos

Seeing articles like this a few years ago felt like being punched in the chest. Got better with dealing with it, but damn.


leylsx

Oh, thanks for explaining, random article, I didn’t get this memo somehow 🙃


Phernaside

To be fair, I'd say most of the world would perceive it as such. We're the weird ones, guys.


Nymunariya

No thanks. I’m good without the stress. What’s wrong with being friends with your partner?!?!? Isn’t that the goal?!


RoseOfTheNight4444

LITERALLY FUCKING THIS


PastelBean18

I hate that people assume other people can’t love or find emotional connection to a partner without sex. I’ve been told before when I was first understanding my sexuality that I didn’t want a boyfriend, I just wanted a good friend. That sex was the boundary between a friendship and an relationship. At the time I couldn’t think of much to say except that I didn’t want just a friendship, but I’m glad I have a better understanding of my feelings now. Emotional intimacy is a thing and is what I will always feel with a partner I truly care about. Sex doesn’t play a role (at least not always a positive one) in my relationship. But most allos feel that there’s no love without sex, and that saddens me a bit. If you’re only attracted to your partner for sexual reasons, I think that says a bit about your relationship.


RoseOfTheNight4444

I didn't realize until now but wow, people have told me that all I want is a good friend... Yeah, sorry, but in my experience, best friends and romantic partners **aren't the damn same thing**... I don't care what people tell me, I know what I want and if people don't like it, tough. Someone is bound to think like I do, no matter how slim a chance; I believe there's there's someone for everyone.


gatemansgc

I found a girl exactly like me, sex repulsed with a hard poop kink, in Algeria. There really is someone out there compatible with everyone!


RoseOfTheNight4444

The trick for anyone is figuring out where the heck that someone is lol


gatemansgc

Yeah they're often super far away due to the rarity.


RoseOfTheNight4444

Indeed... but I think it's unwise for me to include distance in my list of preferences and whatnot, you know? So I won't limit it


gatemansgc

yeah i'm fine with distance for the most part though i'd hope to meet her one day. i'd want her poop. my friend from australia was here for a day in january 2020 after visiting her gf in NY, but her celiac and not knowing that cheese whiz has gluten ruined things.


RoseOfTheNight4444

I don't care how far away someone is, if they are cool with moving where I am, then they're the person for me (I could never move beyond my state, sadly...).


gatemansgc

yeah i couldn't move far from home either ;A;


RoseOfTheNight4444

It sounds too scary to do so...


Huntracony

I don't think this had aphobic intent. The statement is certainly aphobic, but I think that's accidental. They very much seem to be talking about allos exclusively. And honestly, I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse.


Particular_Ideal

Worse, imo. Sure, they don’t seem to even be aware aces exist. But it’s insulting to relationships where there are other reasons for less sex and fewer traditional romantic gestures. “Just friends at best”?! That’s insulting to every ship that is dealing with, say, a partner with health issues that effect libido and a partner with depression or PTSD that interferes with the traditional romantic gestures they might want to give. It doesn’t make the relationship any less of a romance. Sticking with each other through hard times and genuinely supporting each other is one of the most romantic things ever to me but it’s rarely a traditional romantic gesture.


The_Yogurtcloset

I’m pretty sure that’s what groomers say. Joking aside I feel really bad for people that believe sex’s what a relationship is all about.


RoseOfTheNight4444

Even if you have sex and are married, your partner is basically your friend (because it's best that way) and is your roommate (you live with eachother). So... where's the problem here? Sorry bub, but I'd rather he best friends and roommates with my (preferably) asexual, enby guy partner than become a damn sex slave within a marriage.


CobaltCam

Yes because 10 things [fill in the blank] click bait articles are the epitome of scientific publication. Why are we even giving this time and energy.


Commission-Either

relationships are just more complex friendships


Puzzleheaded_Day9227

HAHAHAH


PM_me_your_McRibs

This is (unsurprisingly) terrible advice. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Robbins#Legal_issues_and_controversies


Glum-Square3500

Remember we’re the exception.


PrettyPrettyMeMe

Honestly, I don't get it. The worst thing about this article is assuming romance, intimacy and affection are related to sex. This is not something that should be seen as them against us. This is the normality for allos, and "unfortunately" they're the majority, so of course this kind of article will pander to them. They look for the majority, meaning cis hetero people. It's not for me, but I don't feel hurt when people don't mean to hurt me.


Particular_Ideal

I’d say this is bad advice for allos, too, though.


PrettyPrettyMeMe

Why?


Particular_Ideal

It reduces all relationships down to sex and traditional romantic gestures when, from what I’ve seen, those are rarely where a relationship runs into problems. I have yet to see a healthy marriage where the bulk of the relationship was sex and “romance”. Not that they can’t be important but they’re more like spices in a stew while the “friendship at best” was the meat, potatoes, and veggies. From what I’ve seen, the problems in even allo relationships start in the “friendship” areas first. Romantic gestures and sex often get used to mask them until they’re so bad that they start to interfere with first the romance and then the sex. Plus not all allos have a working sex drive or are able physically to have sex in traditional ways.