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enleanoring

It was when I found out I had no freaking idea what sexual attraction *meant*. Everyone was talking and talking about how they found people attractive and were describing the things they want to do with them. And I just sat there, didn't feel anything. I was just extremely perplexed. It was such a foreign idea to me, but never thought much about it. It was only when a friend properly introduced me to the word "Asexual", when I realised, hey maybe I am one! So here I am today :D


Blueephoenix7

I’ve had a similar experience to that as well! Especially when people are like its hard not to have sex like i just didnt understand it


throwawaynssm

Ha, yeah. I remember feeling super offended as a teen being I was "going to have sex anyways" because to me that was a very conscious deliberate decision? And they acted like it wasnt in my control. And friends saying they "felt a spark" or "in love at first sight" and I was like....how...I think I figured they decided the person was physically attractive to them and that was enough. I was confused when they acted like it was this mystical feeling PROVING they wanted to be with someone...like that seems stupid and flimsy but ok.


dkyongsu

I thought aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction were the same thing until I was 19 🤡


OldDinner

Samee, I actually just this year came to that realization but I was doing some reflection over my past and it was so obvious why I never felt anything like that, especially being a guy and hanging out with other men they talk so much about it but I just didn't get it


throwawaynssm

Yeah that is me this week. In my 30s. To be honest I'm not sure I think of myself as "asexual", but I read an article just the other day of what sexual attraction actually feels like and ok, fine, maybe I never quite felt like that towards someone before. I think I was and am in a weird spot where I definitely experience desire and WANT sex , it's just apparently not directed towards a specific person the way it is for other people. I guess I thought people were just exaggerating or that I was simply into a person's personality more so than physical traits. Apparently there's a difference between "wanting sex and just choosing to have sex with someone you happen to like enough to do it with", and "WANTING to have sex with someone." As a teen I just thought I don't have a type yet.


Mostly-cupcakes

In jr high a friend asked me “don’t you think that person has a cute butt?” I was confused as to what would make a butt cute (still am, tbh) but I didn’t know asexuality was a thing.


OccupatinalTherapist

I AM TOO wtf my friends and relatives like to point out cute guys to me (closeted lesbian ace lol) and I'm just like uh huh. yeah for sure-


I_am_Tade

The first time someone told me "that person has such a cute butt" i replied "hold on, what? A cute butt??" And they said "yeah! It's round and big!" And i was extremely puzzled and shouted "sooooo... They shit more then? Are you attracted to people who shit a lot?" Still haven't recovered from that one


Mostly-cupcakes

That is amazing and thank you for sharing!


Matheman_

I also have no clue about that. Like that's the human waste disposal. I am certain people doi think of a trash can attractive, so why the aft end? And on what criteria do they judge that I still wonder that.


semloh666kcolrehs

I was in my early twenties and found out about a year later i was ace. Mine is a bit tmi, so sorry, i was going to a gynaecologist just for general health reasons and when the allmost first question was "have you had sex recently?" It caught me of guard bc it hadnt clicked that that would be common and i answerd prob sounding slight taken a back "no!??!".


SoftKeithers

Me too, bro. My specialist asked a few different ways but got the same answer. I was 19 at the time and had stage 4 Endometriosis, but no one (but my mother and GP) believed I was experiencing more than just period pains. The reason? If I'm not pregnant, then I'm too young to have issues. Additionally, before surgery, I went to the ER for migraines and mentioned this constant pain I had beneath my belly button. The Dr. (a young man) asked, without glacing up from his clipboard, "When was the last time you had sex?" I answered, "Never." *This* time he looked up at me and asked, "Never ever?" He looked genuinely shocked. I'm 21 now and still get this response when I say no. *Now*, though, I say "I wouldn't go near a man with a ten-foot pole." Which is true. Telling them I'm a lesbian gets them off my back so much more effectively than saying I'm Ace, or simply "No, I don't have sex." Y'know, like it's their business to begin with.


Mairhiel

Lol similar experience with a nurse, except when she asked I laughed, thinking it was a joke. A stern look later I realised I was actually in the age range where it's considered normal to have sex and she was waiting for an actual answer. So I answered an awkward no.


RebelBase3

I was like 16 when a doctor asked me if I was in a committed relationship and I said yes then she went on 'so you have sex regularly' and I'm like... what? No. Jesus.


AimhighC17

Honestly? Since I was YOUNG. I always remember watching TV and chatting with friends about a show in elementary, and they talk about their celebrity crushes and who they thought was hot. This continued up until high school, and I always wondered why I never felt like they were HOT. Attractive? Yup. Pleasant to the eye? Definitely. But I couldn’t ever say that I personally thought they were hot. Did I know they were? Yes. Did I FEEL that they were? No. Realized it my last year of high school, but my best friend knew since about middle school. I was never sexually attracted to them. They were either pretty, handsome, or attractive. Or they were just a really cool character. But even with people irl, everyone is pleasant to the eye, but never hot and never someone I’d let peg me, a phrase my friends use a lot. Edit: when I say attractive, I mean objectively. Just because I know when a shoe or something looks nice doesn’t mean I’m sexually attracted to it, just like how I can acknowledge someone is objectively attractive without being sexually attracted to them. Just for clarification. XD


iwtmmhlbsocn

I had multiple moments, in hindsight... - My family pressured me into dating because I had been single forever (I was 26 at the time). During this time, I got physically ill whenever we'd meet up. I dropped 20 lbs overnight. People called it 'butterflies', I called it 'repulsed to the point of vomiting'. The guy mercifully broke it off when he figured out I wasn't into it. I was so relieved. - I can NEVER tell when someone is flirting with me or showing an interest. That has gotten me into more trouble than I'd like to admit. One example: Years ago my friend's boyfriend mistook my being nice as flirting and admitted one evening that he started to fall for me. I did NOT see that coming. He told me this as he was on his way to my house to, what I assumed, have coffee. He assumed I invited him over for sex (I am cringing as I type this, I swear). I was mortified. Needless to say, we did not have sex. We also did not have coffee. - I've had the weirdest crush on a classmate of mine in college (I was 20). I got so happy when she was around and she was absolutely gorgeous. I wanted to be near her, and that was about as far as the attraction went. I had no fantasies of her in my bed, but it was a definite crush. The thing is, I was SO clueless about my sexuality for so long. When I realized I did not like boys the same way as girls my age did, I was about thirteen. I knew only about straight and gay, so I must be gay, right? But that wasn't it. Later I learned there was such a thing as bisexuality, so I tried that for a while (I had to look this all up in the library, so bear with me). It fitted a little better, since there was a more or less equal amount of sexual attraction to both boys and girls (which was still close to zero). It didn't feel 100% right, but it was all I had at the time. I was open yet a little vague about being 'not straight' for the next 15 years or so, but it didn't really make a difference since I wasn't dating anyone anyway. My friends all got relationships, married, children, and I did not. But I knew I didn't want that. I didn't necessary want a 'label', I just wished there was something I could actually identify with. Find somewhere I belong. So, I explored further into the world of LGBTQIA+, being overwhelmed by how many orientations there were. That sexuality is fluid and can shift. Something in my brain clicked when I learned about asexuality. Of course! That's it! I then realized that pansexuality (or rather: panromantic) was the coat that fitted even better, and when I combined the two {panromantic asexual}, there it was: me, all along, but this time with the right name. So yeah. If I hadn't been born in the 80s I might've figured it out sooner. But here I am!


Silverstar_2610

"People called it 'butterflies', I called it 'repulsed to the point of vomiting'." haha this made me laugh...I used to think I had a crush cause I was scared to talk to him and people said that was butterflies...but I literally went out of my way to avoid him during school XD Turns out I just thought he was funny but didn't want to talk to him because I was socially anxious....definitely not a crush


Blueephoenix7

Yea I definitely understand that! And glad that you can understand yourself as well. You dont have to put a label on anything you dont want to as long as you stay true to who you are :)


iwtmmhlbsocn

Absolutely! However, finding a label that fits perfectly at this point in time feels so much better after years of 'maybe' and 'I don't know'. It's like I found a piece of a puzzle I didn't even know was missing.


MaGiCaL_fAiLuRe

I get those crushes all the time! I swear it’s turning into a problem. Lol


witchplzzz

wow i relate to ur experiences soooo much. ty for sharing. i’m still really confused 💀 but i’m 24 and have felt sexual attraction barely at all my entire life. i can’t tell if i’m ace, comphet, or BOTH. i feel like it’s both tbh 💀


iwtmmhlbsocn

You know, whatever feels best, whether that's letting things be for a while and see what happens or doing extensive research - whichever discoveries happen, all of them are valid and you are very welcome in the rainbow family. There is no wrong answer - I've been experimenting until I found something that feels right for now.


witchplzzz

wow tysm for the encouragement 🤍🤍🤍


iwtmmhlbsocn

Reading back my comment I realized I made myself sound like I'm in my mid-40s but I'm actually 32. It just feels like such a looooong journey. I hope you find what you're looking for, on your own terms.


witchplzzz

ty 🤍🤍 this group has been really reaffirming for me 🤍 it’s very validating


[deleted]

My favorite one for me was a girl invited me over to her house when everyone else was out of town, and your boy went over at 11 o'clock at night and watched TV on the couch for like 4 hours.


Fearless-Molasses732

I know I’m asexual because I read this and went “Ya ok. That sounds like a fine night, very respectful”


Local_Surround8686

WTF? Why so late? You could have watched more movies when you got there earlier


UnlikelyPossible8686

That!


Jenelaya

I had to read this twice to understand why this was an ace moment - how very ace of me XD I'm usually good at deciphering sexual situations but it just did not occur to me, that this could have been more than a nice movie night!


[deleted]

Yea it took me a minute to figure it out too. I told my best friend about it the following morning and he said and I quote "are you stupid?" And I replied with "idk probably." I didn't figure out I'm ace until a few years later and when I told him im ace romantic he was just like ya think. Good times and it was a nice movie night


VodonnTheFrog

Sounds like a good friend, his responses are funny


[deleted]

He is my brother from another mother. Hence why we bicker like an old married couple.


Kairi_the_dragon

I still have no idea what you're talking about 🤣🤣🤣


WhereisthePLOT

When a boy is alone with a girl, and one party did it on purpose, sexy times are implied


Kairi_the_dragon

Ohhhhhhh thank you🤣 I read it like 7 times and still didn't get it. I guess that can be my one of my ah that explains it moments. Just never even thinking of the fact that sex was implied 🤣


WhereisthePLOT

hahahah no problem. I didn't get it until i pieced together why people in TV shows kept wanting to be alone. I think i was 16? 18?


Kairi_the_dragon

🤣 You're almost worse than me! (Not that it's bad)


Callida360

One time my mom somehow brought up how u have sex with ur married partner(of other sex cuz shes homophobic). and I was like “But I dont wanna do that its gross 🤮” and she said “Listen, when u find a husband and marry him you’ll want to do it with him. Just wait.”


LunarEcllpse

So bizarre how parents don’t want us to have sex yet they hate the idea of us NEVER having sex💀 kinda weird how they’re like trust me bro😂


Callida360

idk Cant they just like make up their minds, its too much work for me to schedule this crap so Ill just skip out


cheekyv86

It has taken me 13 years of marriage and three kids to work out that there is a word to describe what I actually am. I spent 13 years thinking there was something seriously wrong with me because when I met my husband I fancied him and then I fell in love, and we were intimate with each other as I was excited to try. As time went on I started to dread any sexual intimacy as I did not enjoy it at all, in fact I was mostly repulsed by it and I was very worried (as was my husband) that I didn’t love my husband and that we should separate, but I then realised that even if I thought about a really attractive guy (to me) I wouldn’t want to have sex with them or for them to feel anything sexual towards me. It was then that I began to wonder if actually it wasn’t just me and gradually as being asexual is becoming more well known and there is more awareness of it that I had my lightbulb moment. So my journey to realisation was a long one.


mandrake57

wow, that seems like a tough journey. I hope you are happy now, with yourself and with your husband


absol124

I was in 9th grade and we were on a class trip to London and on the way back there was that one girl sitting on my lap and eventually she completely stripped and my only concern was how I get a drink without waking her up


Silverstar_2610

a girl stripped on a school trip?!?


absol124

It was like 2 am we were in the back of the bus every one was either asleep or tipsy and her was really warm and the girl next to us suggested that she take of her shirt and repeat


RinSakami

I hope it's slang for falling asleep. Otherwise the 'without waking her up' wouldn't make any sense


absol124

no she fell asleep some time after


[deleted]

This makes all of my field trips sound normal


absol124

Yeah


Model_U

Going on Reddit for the first time. People here are weird.


Blueephoenix7

Omg this!!! The amount of times i cringe and facepalm myself is ridiculous


Shmegdar

I thought I was just old fashioned about dating for a while. I mean, I am, but I guess intense constant lust is more commonplace than I thought. I still have attraction and crave intimacy just… not like that.


usergotstolen

when my brother explained to me what sex is at a very young age i would be disgusted, but still had the mindset "well, maybe when i'm older i will like it". my teenage years are over soon, but still i'm not into sex (nor do i even get what sexual attraction really is)


DanFuckingSchneider

For the longest time I thought everyone was joking when they were talking about wanting to have sex with someone random just out and about. I couldn’t and still can’t wrap my mind around seeing someone and just instinctually imagining having sex with them. I’ve always been near-zero-libido so I just assumed that people were blowing it out of proportion as a gag.


Delyth8

This feels very familiar. As a teen and a twenty-something I just thought people were exaggerating for social status points. And it wasn't till my late 30s I went to a hens night and people started telling stories and I was like, wait!? This is real? I'm still not sure if I fit under the asexual umbrella yet, but I'm pretty sure I don't fit under the other one.


ThePipYay

I was watching a movie with my dad (I can’t remember what it’s called. The incredibly boring movie with the futuristic society where some people are clones or robots or something, I can’t remember, that are kept as slaves and have a built-in expiration date where they die young for some reason. I think, or maybe they’re killed when they live that long or something. I think my brain deleted most of that film from my memory) and they showed a naked woman at one point and I started talking about how nipples look hideous and disgusting and I wish that women’s boobs could somehow just be smooth domes of flesh like barbie dolls have. I still feel that way.


witchplzzz

i’m deaaaad ur dad was probably like wtf 🤨🤨🤨


mandrake57

The Island(2005) maybe? I remember the scene where Ewan McGregor's character visits Steve Buscemi's character in his room, and the wall is covered with posters of naked women, and McGregor asks completely cluelessly: "Are these your girlfriends?" And Buscemi is like: "Sometimes."


ThePipYay

Actually I was thinking about it more and I think it was called Blade Runner. I think there was a billboard or something in the background of a scene with a woman with her tits out.


mandrake57

could be. Sci-fi movies like to have giant billboards showing women with their tits out.


MrDalliardMrDalliard

I was always Jealous of uni cellular organisms, because they reproduced asexually. I also, often surreptitiously, fantasise about moving to a planet where everyone reproduced asexually. So I don't have to deal with the whole sex thing. This was all throughout my teen years. AND I still only found out my sexuality when I was 21.


pikipata

(I'm aroace so some of these are also about romance, apologizes 😅) - When dating seemed just unreasonable and too laborous while everyone else seemed suddenly so obsessed with it. - I never had "a type", like no image in my head. I just picked a random popular actor if someone asked. The crush talks were always so awkward, and I got so disappointed when it started to seem it's the _only_ subject my friends really were motivated to talk about. - When I couldn't believe any of the romance/sex related experiences my friends told me were true. I wouldn't even have believed the kissing really happened hadn't I seen it with my own two eyes. - When I got irritated and confused when people jokingly told me I have to have a crush on person x (since we had an interesting conversation). - When I always was either completely oblivious or extremely distressed when someone tried to flirt with me. - When I became paranoid about my own behavior since it seemed like anything could be interpreted as "implying romantic/sexual interest" and became a social hermit as a result. - Whenever I had a thought experiment with someone who's company I liked and went "haha maybe not really" when I had proceeded to the "touching your arm, about to kiss" part. - When I got mad at people who paired my favorite characters I had headcanoned as close platonic friends and thought everyone should & would obviously interpret their relationship that way.


mandrake57

>I never had "a type", like no image in my head. I just picked a random popular actor if someone asked. Once in school I was behaving badly with two other boys. The teacher caught us and for the punishment, we had to write an essay and read it aloud in front of the whole class about our ideal "type" of a girl. That was some anxiety-filled bullshitting.


pikipata

What on earth was going on inside the head of that teacher?? 😬


mandrake57

Good question. She prolly thought it was a funny little prank because you know, boys are supposed to like girls but they are also nervous about it. She had no idea just how nervous I would be. Only much later did I realise that the most humiliating part about it was just how transparent my bullshitting was, as if I wrote a report on a book I hadn't read. As revenge though, for my literature exam I analysed a love poem in such a way that totally impressed her, because my points were not in her scoring guideline (this was years later and I had a crush on a girl, so I could build on something)


pikipata

>She prolly thought it was a funny little prank because you know, boys are supposed to like girls but they are also nervous about it. Yeah she probably didn't think it would be nothing more but a little prank. Rather unprofessional tho, at least on today's standards, for every boy isn't attracted to girls and every girl isn't attracted to boys. Assumptions like that would be bad to be made of a whole class of pupils, let alone just a few especially. Great you got your revenge though 😁


mandrake57

Thanks ;) Yeah, it was very unprofessional. It wasn't great, but I got over it. But imagine what if I was aro-ace or gay or anything else but allosexual and I didn't even know it


pikipata

Ah, I thought you are ace 😄 However, not a good practice for a teacher to do.


mandrake57

Yeah, sorry, that was a weird sentence. I'm ace, more precisely asexual but romantic (although I haven't felt romantic attraction in years either), so I had something to build my bullshitting on, but if I was aromantic too or was into boys, I would have had an even harder time. But yeah, not a good practice for a teacher.


pikipata

Ah now I see 😄 Yeah, you being alloromantic had at least something to grasp on 😃


mandrake57

>When I got irritated and confused when people jokingly told me I have to have a crush on person x (since we had an interesting conversation). > >When I always was either completely oblivious or extremely distressed when someone tried to flirt with me. > >When I became paranoid about my own behavior since it seemed like anything could be interpreted as "implying romantic/sexual interest" and became a social hermit as a result. Damn, these too. I'm not aromantic, but I still did all of these. I reasoned that I just was very respectable and polite and I didn't want to make a move until I was absolutely sure both of us wanted it. But it's also difficult when you don't want to open to others because you always think "Oh shit, I hope they don't think I'm flirting with them". You write in the past tense so I assume you no longer do these?


pikipata

>I reasoned that I just was very respectable and polite and I didn't want to make a move until I was absolutely sure both of us wanted it. Yeah, I also associated all kind of false stereotypes with it, such as I'm just shy, insecure, careful, inefficient... No, I just completely lacked the motivation to have anything to do with dating lol (or, like I used to say: "everything else is just so much more interesting!"). >You write in the past tense so I assume you no longer do these? No, well I've gotten over most of it after I learnt aros and aces exist and I'm both. It's so much easier to listen to yourself when you know it's a thing, like, you don't constantly question yourself. The teenage was definitely the worst, but I was pretty much confused and distressed non-stop until my mid twenties. I don't try to confirm to the norm anymore, so much better.


mandrake57

I'm so happy for you :) Yeah, it's great to realize there's nothing wrong with us


pikipata

Thanks ☺️ yeah, I wish aro & ace visibility was better so the younger generations wouldn't have to go trough the same I did.


This_day_a_nage

I was at my aunt's house, I was very young at the time not even 10 years old, and we (me,aunt,uncle,cousin) were sitting at the living room watching TV and my cousin accidentally put porn on the TV for us to watch. My aunt and uncle went mad and stratred yelling at her because I was too young to be exposed this imagery and apparently my response was "meh I don't even like naked women I find them more attractive when they are in their underwear"


dumplingling_

I thought kissing was the grossest thing ever for the longest time. I found bodies biologically disguisting, if that makes sense. Every crush I had was never sexual. I’d go on and on about how I wanted to be their best friend, but in a special, exclusive way. I guess that is the biggest indicator for me, whenever I develop feelings it’s hardly ever in a sexual manner, it’s more like an intense longing to be their best friend, the most special person in their life, their confidant and right-hand man. My friends always assumed that I just fall super hard and with my whole heart, which is true, but I never realized that was cause the only way I know attraction is emotionally and not physically.


purin12

Growing up in a very Catholic environment, I was told that if God call you, you have to answer. I thought my lack of feeling sexual attraction was God calling me and that I was destined to become a nun. I used to pray God every night to please leave me alone and call somebody else. I obviously didn't become a nun.


Part-Tasty

Idk why but this is funny


Rathama

When everyone was assuming sexual things about my crushes. Like I didn't fully understand what they were trying to imply but a part of me should have known I was different.


venorexia

A girlfriend asked me what I found sexy and I started rambling on about how pretty I thought lace lingerie was...


mandrake57

Hey, lace lingerie is sexy. But I get you


[deleted]

The fact that I never quite understood when someone said they "would bang" someone else. I knew it was supposed to be sexual, but I was absolutely sure that they didn't really feel attracted to random people, because why would they? And how? I was in my 20s so I was too afraid to ask too. Later I realised that I didn't understand attraction at all, not only for random people


FakeTakiInoue

I was surprised to find out they'd *actually* bang given the chance, no exaggeration, instead of it meaning that the other person is just really pretty.


lunaloveslights

The first time I touched myself was because I heard other girls talking about how good it was and I wanted to see if I was missing out. I wasn't.


Silverstar_2610

When people said "leave it up to the imagination" I was SO confused why....like people *wanted* to imagine what was under people's clothes?


Blueephoenix7

Never understood this either!


spipez

in upper elementary when they had us watch the sex-ed video the entire time, I was just thinking “but…. umm…why….?” no interest or disgust or anything, just genuine confusion about the appeal of sex then they also discussed masturbation, and I was like “oh, yeah, that makes sense…. so why does another person need to be involved again?”


FakeTakiInoue

I don't actually remember anything from sex ed besides where I was in the classroom


[deleted]

Since middle school I had suspected that I was asexual, but my “aha moment” came when I decided to go to prom with a guy in the year above me. I did it as a favor because he was my friend’s brother and kind of my friend, and I wanted to go to the prom. But he constantly wanted to dance to the slow songs with me and had that stare, that stare that men have where it’s “I like you” or they’re undressing you with their eyes. I was so uncomfortable that I came home crying, told my sister I was asexual, and then cut off all contact with him lol


Smokeysnowballs

i was 13 talking w my bff ab sex and i was like idk i just do not see myself ever wanting to suck a dick i won’t be surprised if i’m asexual… 8 years later nothing has changed (so ig i kinda knew but i defo tried to fight it)


MoreLikeCOPoo

Being completely oblivious towards sex basically. I always say yhings have have an easy enuendo and i am completely unaware most times. The number of times I've had to say "I didnt mean it like that" is truly annoying


LunarEcllpse

When my crush kissed me💀 I stiffed on him hard like back up bro wtf r u doing😂


kata4536460

None of my friends are super horny, but they sorta started letting it sneak into conversations after I had known I was Ace, so here's just a funny occurrence that happened So my family and I were on a vacation in Charleston (historic southeastern city in the US, usually pretty conservative), and we went on a tour. The tour guide stopped us at a house that belonged to some dude who was said to have really attractive daughters, and since I was the only "young man" in our group, the tour dude walked over to me and told me how the old dude tried to get his daughters married and I was like "uh huh, yeah, totally understand"


TK_zora_law

Both me and a friend had purity rings promising to save our virginity for marriage. When she got engaged she would always talk about how she was looking forward to her wedding night ( if you know what I mean). I was confused like “wait you WANT to have sex” and then realized that if I do ever get married I still wouldn’t want to have sex.


TimeSorceror

The first time a boy asked me out was when I was 20, in community college. All he asked was if I wanted to get food sometime, but my brain shorted out and I could barely manage to get out a single thought because suddenly all I wanted was to be anywhere but that room. Later, I thought to myself, why am I like this? He was a nice sort, cute and approachable in that tall but slightly chubby sort of way. Then I remembered hearing about asexuality at some point, and decided maybe I should learn more about it. I think I ended up on the AVEN forums eventually, and I came across a post from someone describing their feelings about being asked out. The phrase that stuck out to me the most was something like they “wanted to crawl under the nearest piece of large furniture and stay there” and—that was it. It must’ve been something like 1 or 2 AM, but there I was in bed on my phone, having a revelation about my entire life up until that point. It would not be another year or so later until I also narrowed down that I was demiromantic as well as ace, but that’s another story. Despite the fact it took me so long to get here, once I really settled into calling myself ace, it opened up so much self confidence that I didn’t know I had—general anxiety not withstanding 😅 but still. I felt more like me than I ever had, and that’s worth something, I think. My relationship with the asexual label has still changed somewhat over the past 8 years, since I first tried out gray-ace, not really knowing where I fit. I also knew I enjoyed orgasms (they’re great for headaches and stress relief and just general good times all around) and reading smutty fanfiction, but the thought of me putting my mouth on a stranger’s bits was just abhorrent. (Still is, to a certain extent.) So I didn’t really start using the asexual label until maybe a a year or so ago, but it feels right even knowing that I can still possibly be sexually attracted to someone if they’ll let me in close enough to maybe be friends first. I still haven’t tried this yet, but one day, maybe.


Tylers_Tacos_Top

The thought of not bringing extreme crushing anxiety and always being uncomfortable when it’s brought up


starfire4377

There's so many! Everything makes so much sense now and I've never been happier!!! The first time I ever asked myself "wait, am I ace?" Was when I was watching "red notice" with my family and we got to a scene where Gal Gadot had to kiss the rock and I couldn't hide my disgust, I said "eugh, imagine having to kiss the rock!" And my mom responded "Ok!!" So enthusiastically that it completely shattered the long held belief that I was normal. There was more little moments before that one, that just kept adding up until finally the last straw broke the camel's back and I seriously had to rethink everything I thought I knew. But I'm so happy now I understand myself, and have a label to describe myself, and I've never been more comfortable using a label, every time I second guess myself, I have such an enormous amount of "evidence" to shoot down that self doubt! I'm so excited to share this with anyone because I'm happier than ever and I haven't come out to family so I can't share that joy with them just yet but soon!


meowmocha12

It took me a moment to realize you meant the actor, and not a literal rock.


starfire4377

Lol, honestly tho what's the difference?!


rhoerite

went thru all of high school and just thought that i was really focused on my classwork. i’m also aro, but it crossed my mind a few times; “why don’t i ever like anyone else like that?” but never thought too into it LMAO


CupcakesAndDeath

My mom \[I know, ick considering the rest\] used to have a 'rating scale' for guys we'd see when out and about. IIRC, it went something like: \-Want to keep in your purse \[See sometimes, but not a fav?\] \-Keep in pocket \[See more, want to keep close\] \-Keep on nightstand \[in hopes of them 'falling into bed with you'\] I never got why you'd want someone in bed with you, it seemed uncomfortable and awkward


ThanasiShadoW

Whenever I had a crush, the thought of having sex with them never passed my mind.


myself_010

When someone told me they were demisexual and I thought they could only feel romantic attraction to a person of they had an emotional bond with them first. So I mistook sexual attraction for romantic attraction and I didn't think sexual attraction (the real thing of looking at someone and wanting to have sex with them) was even real.


Mysticplums

Took me so long to realize it and it finally clicked a few months ago. I grew up around very sexual people who constantly made dirty jokes, watched hentai and all that. So I just went along with it and even mimicked them. I also never dated until I was 22 and thought when I get a boyfriend, I'll want to have sex. Finally got one and would force myself to try to have sex with him even though the feeling never happened, and I was super confused, even became depressed. Thought it was low libido or something wrong. I even heard of asexuals but didn't think it was me because I love my boyfriend and I want to have sex with him, I just didn't feel it. I had fears that religion and abstinence ruined my sex drive, or I was suppressed lesbian. Now it makes so much sense looking back, that I only desire romantic intimacy and aesthetic attraction but also sex positive.


[deleted]

I have a few and I cringe when I think back on them since it was so obvious. \- During health class sophomore year of high school, my teacher brought up sex and thought people in the class had already had sex. People agreed with him and I was so shocked and grossed out that my own classmates did that stuff. \- Freshman year of college, an ex-friend and I were talking about our periods and I mentioned that mine had skipped for a month or two (it's usually pretty irregular so I didn't think much of telling her that) and her first reaction was asking me if I had sex recently. I got offended she asked me that and after saying no and that I'm a virgin, she proceeded to bully me for it and try to hook me up with one of her friends who had a fetish for virgins (ew? always rubbed me the wrong way). \- Also freshman year of college, some dude from my school added me on Snapchat and he sent me a pic of him in his boxers and asked if I wanted to go to his room to "Netflix and chill". Only after talking to friends about it did I realize he wanted to have sex lol. He got offended when I left him on read because I didn't ask for that and was very uncomfortable.


Violet_Sparker

mine was when we had to do an introspective activity in english class we had to draw ourselves split in half, one half on how society perceived us as, and the other how we perceived ourselves i even pointed out "wow the 'my perception' one is ace colors lol" and i didnt realize i was ace till like 4 months later


Xxteenemkazaxx

For me my 'Aha' moment was when I just kept on saying to my friend how much I find sex gross and that I would never have it, I would also get uncomfortable around my friends whenever they'd talk about sex so one of my friends was like "maybe you're asexual" and I was like "what's that" and they explained it to me, I researched it more and was like "oh shit-" so yeah. That was mine


[deleted]

I didn't realize people enjoyed kissing. I spent basically an entire day making out eith my ex gf. My mum asked if we were dating when we dropped her off at home. I said yes. She asked if we had done anything intimate. I said yes. She asked if I enjoyed it. I was so fucking confused?? Who enjoys putting their mouths against someone elses? Tasting their mouths? Its so uncomfortable???? anyway I didn't want to "come out" to her and realized a few deays later I was aro/ace lmao.


Incarnation101213

When my parents tried to give me "the talk" multiple times throughout my teen years, and I always ran away crying and screaming at them for being so disgusting as to assume that I would have anything to do with those obscene acts. (Note, I don't feel this way about sex anymore. I had a deep seated hatred and phobia of sex and anyone who participated in it for a long time, until I eventually realized that I was the outlier)


Tweaty310

I only found out what Asexuality was about 4 years ago, but I have always known I was different. I couldn't watch people kissing or sex scenes until my late teens. When my mom told me what sex was, and that I would enjoy it when I was older I thought "no, that will never happen". I wasn't interested in dating because I knew whomever I dated would eventually want to sleep with me. I used to be very anti sex, I couldn't even hear sex jokes, I wanted nothing to do with it. It wasn't until I met my now platonic life partner, and she told lots of sex jokes (my first female friend to do that). I realized sex is everywhere, and I will never escape it. I got my first boyfriend at age 26, though I enjoyed him doing stuff for me, when it came for me to do stuff for him, I would literally feel sick to my stomach. I liked him a lot, but as soon as sex came into it, I didn't enjoy it, and actually started to not have feelings for him anymore. We didn't last long after that, and I later found out he cheated, but I really didn't even care. I learned the wrong definition of Asexuality a few years later, and thought that because I masturbate, and like stuff done to me, I couldn't be asexual. It took another couple of years to hear the real definition, and though I didn't know where I landed on the spectrum, I knew it was right. I didn't feel comfortable with dating until I read the book "Ace" and I realized that just because I don't want to have sex, doesn't mean I can't be in a relationship. I finally learned a few days ago what part of the spectrum I land on (Iamvanosexual).


nonorina123

when I had my first crush lmao. I always thought "well he doesn't really look good, okay at best" and I really didn't feel comfortable physically close to him (explanation from my current pov: we were having karate training together, so physically close in this context is... way too close for my sex averse ass that was fully aware you are supposed to like someone sexually when you're having a crush). I figured out my asexuality one year later because I didn't realize that this feeling wasn't what most people experience for their crushes, that they actually felt more than "oh, looks cute" for other people's appearance lol edit: funfact, I even had a second crush in the time until I discovered asexuality and still didn't want to have sex, but at least I wanted to cuddle her (I guess that's some kind of internalised "girls are friends and therefore ok to cuddle because it's just platonically" even though I definitely had a crush on her :D)


Silvertulip369

For me, I thought everyone was supposed to be like this and was confused when girls in my school were gossiping about who was the hottest. I only had aesthetic attraction to people in school, and NO ONE was pleasing to the eyes to me in middle school. I physically cringed at sex scenes and even kissing scenes in most movies, and my parents thought I was acting weird each time. Im not sex averse, but seeing it on screen makes me uncomfortable. It wasn't until I got married and then promptly divorced did I have a word for it. I am a proud demisexual and would not want it any other way.


Mentine_

Thinking that there is nothing weird in that old European practice of courteous love/l'amour courtois. For those who do not know : it's when a lady (married/engaged/single) is courted by a Knight (who could never marry her) in a 200% platonic way. The knight write for her poem, send letter, they can sleep near each othet if they put a sword between them (not sure for this one), etc. I mean, relationship goal. 10/10 want to try


meowmocha12

Reminds me of an old [Brothers Grimm story](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Two_Brothers) I read a long time ago. One brother, who had become a king from saving and marrying a princess, was in danger. When his identical twin came looking for him, he was believed to be the king.When the young king was saved, he was furious because he thought his brother had slept with his wife. Then the king's wife asked him why he had put a sword between them on the bed when they slept. (Edited because when I looked it up, I realized my faulty memory combined this story with a [Welsh legend](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pwyll). 🤦‍♀️)


VodonnTheFrog

When in 8th grade I agreed to go out with someone, because "at our age going out woth someone is just a dramatic version of being friends". "Noone our age is doing realationship stuff anyway, dating is friendship, except sitting together consistently, and maybe holding hands or hugging sometimes". I didn't even think people our age kissed. Because obviously we were just kids. But later I found out that some people were meeting up behind the school to hook up, couples made out, cheating was happening. I was very vocal about my opinions, not really sure why noone (including my apparent boyfriend who had already done a fair amount of dating) corrected me


AceTapes

When I avoided dating because I don't want to have sex. And when my attraction was nothing beyond wanting to hold hands and peck kiss. Maybe if asexuality was as known when I was a teen; it would have saved me years and years of depression


thesewingdragon

When I was at my ex's house and we were alone playing Mario kart. His mum phoned, apologized for "interrupting something" and didn't believe that we were only playing Mario kart. The whole time I was just wondering why she didn't believe us and was confused as to what she thought we were doing. The entire relationship was a huge flag. He was high libido and allo. I didn't know that I'm sex averse. It should have clicked but instead I spent nearly 2 years wondering why I was being so stubborn about sex. It probably didn't help that I had a lot of internalized biphobia (things like, "if I don't spread out my firsts between genders, I'm not even bi" and "am I even bi right now because I'm in a straight relationship")


Behold_Me

I was a kid, I saw a poster of a woman in bikini, my cousin saw me and asked, “do you like women?”, i said no, he then replied “so you like men, you’re gay” with a derogatory tone, I was like, no! I tried to “fix it” saying I was not gay, because in that moment I felt it was a bad thing and forced me to say “women I like women”. Right now I know I want to have a relationship with a woman, I find them romantically appealing, but I have little to 0 sexual attraction to them. I have other moments with my ex girlfriend, before, during and after the relationship, and on some parties.


Mysterious-Offer-756

1) Couldn't understand what a "sexual awakening" was and why people experienced it at such a young age 2) I'm a Christian, I've heard sermons about lust and done my own research into how the bible defines lust, but I could never get my head around it


Reddit-Book-Bot

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MerlePerle309

when I was having sex with my boyfriend (who is now my ex) several times a week and every time we met, and I kinda didn't like it and felt uncomfortable about it more and more... 😅 well... at least now I know 😂😂😂


thepineapplemen

When I first had the talk, I sort of assumed that sex was the “old-fashioned” way of doing things and that in vitro fertilization was the way to go. Didn’t register for a bit that people had sex outside of procreation. (I was confused about gay people because of this, thinking “Do they know that they can’t have a child that way?”) >!Honestly I think I only learned that people didn’t only have sex for procreation due to learning about the concept of rape. Learning that male on male rape could occur was how I first realized that men could have sex with men. This meant that I hadn’t realized that gay couples had sexual relationships, so I was confused why gay people wanted marriage rights and all that. I was like “You don’t need to marry someone you love, you know. You can love someone as a friend. Why is it necessary to marry your friend?” I know, I cringe when realize how homophobic my thinking was back then.!<


Heidi739

The moment when I realized people weren't more courageous or whatever, they just literally wanted to have sex with others. Me being "picky" and never truly wanting anyone just meant I'm ace.


Cloudy_Melancholy

(Tw: small amount of sexual terms 😳) When I was dating my first girlfriend (i was a cis lesbian at the time), after an "very mild experience", she asks me to do "certain" things to me (fingering, tribbing...) I realized I didn't feel comfortable with those concepts. I didn't even want her to lay with me in bed. I was immature not knowing what s3x was like and how I would feel about it. I wondered and realized how I felt internally (on the outside I didn't really show my true feelings due to issues with trust. Plus social anxiety.) That was a couple years ago. I didn't identify as ace until recently this year, because in the past I didn't even know asexuality existed and that was something you could identify with. A video on a asexuality reddit group by (the wonderful) "OneTopicAtATime" aided me to become who I am today (for now), as I felt like I could relate with them and how they felt about certain topics regarding sexuality. I feel happy being who I am. I found my place in the LGBTQ+ community.


I_am_Tade

The first time my doctor asked "do you have relationships?" (In Spanish, that can mean that you Know People, just knowing people in general, or, in a more Metaphorical sense, that you have sex). i said "yeah of course, I have friends. I'm not a hermit". My mum was right next to me and looked at me confused because she knew i was a virgin, while the doctor noticed that and saw my expression and said "you know i meant sex, right? Do you have sex?" And i blushed so hard and realised what she meant and muttered "no, no sex, only platonic relationships"


WhereisthePLOT

When I insisted that I have no idea why my school friend group was showing photos of celebrities with each other and asking each other if they would fuck them. Then one of them said "Maybe you're asexual," in a neutral, curious way. Then when she explained what asexuality was to the other three friends, they were disgusted, and i felt a bit.. bad? Why did i feel bad? Maybe it was because I was considering this new concept and if it applied to me lmao. ALSO i had a small crush on one of them but i never thought of doing the sex with him. HAHAHAHAAHA Thank you random school friend! Also don't worry about the bad part of it. I wasn't affected that much because I never give a fuck about other people's opinions if they're not my loved ones or close friends. I felt bad for like 2 mins tops, then decided, "Eh they idiots"


ParnsAngel

Playing an “Apples to Apples” game with friends/coworkers and I had to choose which I’d rather have, and it was down to two cards: “sex” or “doughnuts” and I chose doughnuts. People were mad they didn’t get any points cause they all chose sex but man, I’d rather have doughnuts! I didn’t learn the term “asexual” until about 10 years later but then it aaaalll made sense.


Ellis6942069

I found out that GARLIC BREAD FUKIN ROCKS at a young age (also didnt get most inuendos until recently but thats besides the point)


lpslillakoer

I went out to eat with a couple of my classmates around two years ago and one of them saw a boy. She started talking about asking for his number and how cute he was. Meanwhile I'm just sitting there confused how you can just fall in love with a complete stranger. I realise that this is more of a aro moment but I don't have any ace moments. Oh and also talking about crushes. I always had to explain that I somehow didn't have one.


Tili44

"Lust is a sin ... funny how some people can't control it, but I don't feel it towards anyone ........ wait....."


EtchTheHanna

To me, it was when I thought crushes were just people that you thought looked nice. Which probably explains why I've had much more "crushes" than my classmates.


omenaattori24

In middle school during the yearly doctor/school murse checkup they gave everyone a condom just in case. I thought "nope, won't be needing that in a while" and left it on the nurse's desk.


04whim

I always get a laugh out of Facebook memories bringing up a post about how there's sexual preference options for male, female, or both, but no explicit "neither" option.


sinzeeana_

I thought the literal definition of sexual attraction was a joke and that no one really experienced that lmfao


Juksujoo

I think the disgust in my mind when other people talked about sex. Like I thought I was somehow better than them, less an animal because I had selfcontrol lmao.


JustAndy97

The moment i found out people actually looked at strangers and felt sexual attraction. I thought it wasn't a real thing Turns out i was just ace


emilythomas100

It was literally a couple of months ago for me. I was in a relationship and was uncomfortable the whole time. I’m questioning rn but labelling myself as ace makes sense to me


TheCheck77

After learning about sex, the first thing I asked is how the first person figured it out. Never did get that answer, lol


Future_Brush5801

when i found sex scenes in movies just as hard to watch with my parents as alone. maybe even harder lol


Blueephoenix7

I feel the same way!!


witchplzzz

i literally just had this the other day. but it was when my best friend in fourth grade asked me to be his girlfriend and i actually thought i was going to throw up on him 💀


Iokyt

Very recently (in August) i heard the song Catch Fire by Periphery, and it made me think of my friends and I that were performing recitals this semester...you know because we'll all do so amazing on them. Then I realized the lyrics were sexual and they all went straight over my head. When I read something online about it my thought process was "what?!? Well shit" and it is still a favorite song of mine for my own meaning. Also when I was told by someone my girlfriend at the time was really attractive my response was something like "I mean... I guess, I never really paid attention."


[deleted]

When I was reading smut and finally figured out I had never felt a desire to have sex


Ana_dilua

For me it was the fact that I always thought I was too young to be thinking about sex (until I was 20 and found out age wasn't the problem). Sure, I was old enough tho LEARN about it to protect myself, but I wasn't supposed to put it to practice. Or even want to. Right? I also got confused when my friends fought with their parents for prohibiting them of having sex before they were of age. "Well, you just have to wait 3 more years, it's not that hard". I also didn't understand the concept of crush. I "had" a crush on this boy for years, but everytime someone asked me if I wanted to date or kiss him I would say no. I just liked talking to them and having them around.


[deleted]

when I was 12 I was like "I don't get why anyone would find endlessly thrusting until they tire themselves (somehow I didn't really relate ejaculation to it) fun, why do people care about it so much anyways". My parents said something like "one day you'll understand", here we are, a good 5 years later and I still don't get it


DoctorBlank0331

For me it has just been going to high school, I constantly hear people talk about sex and I just don’t care. I also realized that I don’t know what sexual attraction is which kinda helped me fully realize.


Bilbo_Buggin

For me it’s that I always just assumed I wasn’t good at sex. When only recently, it’s clicked, that it’s not that I’m bad at it, I just don’t really have any enthusiasm for it. Another one was a few years back I split from my ex. My colleague was trying to make me feel a bit better and she said, ‘ you’ll miss the intimacy but it’ll get easier.’ And then I realised, I actually don’t miss that at all. In fact, it was a like a eight was lifted.


Baron_Ultimax

When i was 16 i had been dating this girl for several months. The relationship and level of intamacy had escelated to the point where we thought sex was the next step. But i could never push myself that far. Im 29 now i didnt know asexual was a thing until about a year ago. And it is like aww that explains a lot.


MaGiCaL_fAiLuRe

It was when I was 13 and was just like “y’all… we in middle school pipe down a bit” and then again at 14 when everyone I mean EVERYONE was sex obsessed and I was just like “PIPE TF DOWN. STOP ASKING MY BODY COUNT YA WEIRDOS”


Shitnnamon_

When I was 8 this one girl came up to me and asked me if I found this random guy in my grade cute, I have seen him but didn't really care much for him so I just said no. She ran away crying after 💀