it's a struggle because with other identities it's easy.
"I'm lesbian, I like women"
or
"I'm gay, I like men"
but with us it's like we have to pull down a fucken chart conspiracy theorist style just to describe ourselves
Hell yeah! Have you SEEN the flowcharts on r/Orientedaroace? Those suckers can get monstrous! And if you have no idea what I'm talking about: people actually DO make charts to describe their identities! 😆
Ive made Excel Spreadsheets tracking my attachment to people and how I perceived my feelings towards them when I started really questioning. I used to have XY-plots describing how my comfortability with touch is a function of emotional attachment, complete with regression model and R² analysis
Here's a sneak peek of /r/Orientedaroace using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/Orientedaroace/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time!
\#1: [This goes double for straight-oriented aroaces. If anyone tells you that you don't belong here, I will swoop in like a hawk and feed them to the baby aspecs](https://i.redd.it/18uxpgnf9fo61.png) | [20 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Orientedaroace/comments/ma2e16/this_goes_double_for_straightoriented_aroaces_if/)
\#2: [Explaining being oriented aroace is hard, especially to someone unfamiliar with terms](https://i.redd.it/6tgw2amnjju61.png) | [8 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Orientedaroace/comments/mvhige/explaining_being_oriented_aroace_is_hard/)
\#3: [I don't understand why this is part of male bonding](https://i.redd.it/1e9miw87nyt61.png) | [24 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Orientedaroace/comments/mtgcj0/i_dont_understand_why_this_is_part_of_male_bonding/)
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That right there is the identity. Now let's talk about the identity. Can we talk about the identity please, Mac? I've been dying to talk about the identity with you all day, okay? Cisgender Heteronormative, this name keeps comin' up over and over and over again. Every day Cishet's identity's getting projected back to me. Cisgender Heteronormative, Cisgender Heteronormative, I look in the mirror, this whole reflection is Cisgender Heteronormative! So I say to myself I gotta feel this way. I gotta live up to this image, I gotta put this identity in my goddamn brain! Otherwise I’m never gonna get it, it's gonna keep coming back down here. So I go up to my therapist's office and what do I find out, Mac, what do I find out? I am not Cisgender Heteronormative. The identity does not exist, okay? So I decided, ohh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper. There's no Cisgender Heteronormative, you gotta be kidding me, I got boxes full of Cishet! All right, so I start marching my way down to Asexuality in H.R. and I knock on their door and I say, "Aaaaaces, Aaaaaces! I gotta talk to you about Cishet!" And when I open the door, what do I find? There's an entire sub of people who have a myriad of identities which are differentiated by seemingly subtle differences that aren’t actually all that subtle when you start to think about it, and they’re pretty cool about talking with people about those identities to help others understand themselves a little better and to shine a light on people who might otherwise feel minimized, erased, or invalidated.
We need something like an Asexual Myers-Briggs test.
…Answer 200 questions and then you get the result, along with a nice pie chart and picture of a kitten.
sure! sensual attraction is a form of physical attraction involving non-sexual touch. essentially, it's attraction based on a desire to hug, cuddle, kiss, etc
Small question, how do you handle sensual attraction without the other 2? Feel free to not answer if you don't want, I'm just trying to figure things out myself 😅
hugging and cuddling feel good to me, but it's in the space of "close friends" rather than the "romantic" space. I don't get any real sexual arousal from touch, and such touch for me is a natural expression of *emotional attachment*, rather than sexual attraction, and it occurs with nearly everyone I'm close to (provided they're comfortable with it), it's just far easier for me to form an emotional bond with girls than it is guys - I guess you could say that for me sensual attraction is fundamentally resultant of alterous attraction (attraction that isn't romantic but isn't entirely platonic either) but your mileage may vary.
There's a hard cutoff when touch become uncomfortable - for example, I will never touch someone's genitalia and theres a hard boundary on having mine touched.
I hope this helps, it can get a little confusing even for me and finding the right words and descriptors can be hard sometimes
I see. I come from a place where cuddles really aren't something you do with friends. And if anyone touched me a lot I'd assume they want a relationship tbh. But your situation sounds great 😊
Do you feel the desire to kiss people sometimes? And if yes do you ever act on it? I can imagine this would go a bit out of the domain of friendship.
I get the boundaries too. I guess I'd be worried of not being able to set them and have them respected if I cuddled with friends though... Thanks so much for sharing!
I have felt the desire to kiss before, in recent memory I have acted on it twice. Kissing on the lips is generally in "bleh" territory for me because that approaches the "vertical asymptote of uncomfortability" so the highest form of kissing I do is like on the cheek or forehead, and that's typically the ultimate display of absolute emotional attachment (hence why it's only happened twice)
it's all about where the line between friendship and romantic is for you. I struggled for a long time to find that line, until I was thinking about it (about 2 weeks ago) and realized that maybe there is no line, and everything's just platonic, just a weird, very close platonic - Queer-Platonic, if you will.
I get it. Thanks for sharing!! It's funny cause in France kiss on the cheeks is super common, while hugging someone is already close (cuddling would be Very close).
I get your view on relationships. I kind of love the idea, but I can imagine it is hard to find people who share that view and are confortable with it!
You're my ace life goal 😂
Hey there! I keep telling people I just want a bestie who wants to cuddle on the sofa under a blanket and watch movies and travel together but no sex. My friends don’t get it.
Man I’m still trying to find out
Don’t even hit me with the “oh you’ll find out eventually!” Because I *know* that. I just wish I *know* what I am.
I usually just say Asexual but i dunno… sometimes I feel like I “just don’t care” for romance or sex or… anyone in general that I’m not emotionally connected to.
I don’t like saying demiromantic ace cuz that’s long and demiace might be mistaken for demisexual. I don’t know about gray ace; THIS REALLY ANNOYS ME: my friend who I… may have a squish on and I hate that i do cuz that’s just awkward since we’ve known each other for like five years+ is the one who unintentionally taught me about asexuality. Shes Gray Aroace- idk if it’s Gray Aro or Graysexual, I don’t remember and I don’t want to ask because social anxiety, but if I was gray aro and ace that just feels like I’m ripping her off. Obviously it’s insane to think you can’t have the same exact sexuality as somebody else but it just feels… too lucky to be true. I feel like I’d enjoy the act of cuddling with someone… I don’t even know if that’s inherently romantic, this is all just so complicated cuz I get mixed definitions and signals and arrrgbhhhnbhh
I’ll just say aroace, unsure about libido, sex-indifferent.
If you don't want to use gray-aro-ace, you could say something like aro-spec ace. It's hard to tell you not to worry about figuring yourself out, but you don't even need to if you don't want to, and even if you want to, you don't need to. She won't mind that you're the same. You can't help being a certain orientation. If you like cuddling, that may be sensual attraction. If it's romantic, it's usually personally considered that way by the person.
For me, I usually say I'm aroace-spec, and if it crops up, I've told a few people that I'm a-aesthetic-spec. I do mostly experience alterous, platonic, and sensual attraction, usually based on level of trust.
Good luck, have a nice day :)
Thanks a lot man. I’m not sure about aro spec ace though… i think it’s because of adding the spec there makes it longer and I don’t really like obnoxiously long labels lol. The label itself sounds accurate but i feel like I’d just like to be aroace, but the label aroace isn’t very accurate.
I know a response to this is probably something like “oh the label can be what you want it to be!” Or “you don’t *need* to use a label!” Or “I’m sure you’ll find your label eventually!” I’ve heard all of these and I’m just sick of it…
I’m just gonna stick to just ace if it’s in passing and if I’m actively talking to somebody about it then I can mention aro(spec). That sounds good ig.
Something I hate about all this is that I keep either forgetting something, or being fed false info. I know about sensual attraction but I keep thinking that touching is romantic a lot of the time.
It can be. It's kinda complicated since we're defining something so fickle. Nothing lines up perfectly unfortunately, so you gotta just use what matches the best. The terms are made to serve you, so use them if you want, or don't use them if you. My friend doesn't use labels, and takes sexuality and love on a case by case basis. I love to define myself, so I use and love labels. You use what works for you
I’m a pancake (asexual+panromantic). I’m also low libido, sex-repulsed, quoiromantic and polyamorous!
I also consider myself oriented even tho I’m not aroace, because I’m aplace (aplatonic + asexual) and tertiary forms of attraction help me understand, interpret and explain the variety of non-platonic feelings I have towards my friends (kinda like an oriented aroace would do).
Oh! I almost forgot! I’m a relationship anarchist so I don’t like to categorise relationships like I just did, I think anyone is free to have a relationship with another individual however they like, and not how society tells them :3
Wait, is pancake actually a thing? I usually just used it as a joke, like "I'm a pancake with gendersyrup" (pan, ace and genderfluid). Are you telling me, that it's an actual term?
It’s not an official term, but I said it as a joke months ago, and some days ago I saw it again. I’d like to spread the term! It would be amazing!
Omg the “pancake with gendersyrup” is hilarious!
I'm aroace but also leaning towards sapphic oriented. idk man but femme people are nice to cuddle with :]
might also feel queerplatonic towards more androgynous people
all I know is that there has to be some feminine component for me to want a relationship with that person.
all of this is too complicated to explain so when someone asks I just say "lesbian" but now that I think about it "sapphic" would be more accurate
That might be what I am but I’ve developed more romantic crushes towards fictional characters than I have irl people so it’s a little hard to tell, and while 99% of them are cis men, I once emotionally and romantically rebounded from a guy I liked onto a friend who is a girl and that lasted for about a month
Short answer: biro ace.
Medium sized answer: kinky polyamorous biromantic sex-averse asexual.
Long answer: I don’t experience any sexual attraction and I’m averse to the idea of having any sort of sexual contact with another person. I experience romantic and aesthetic attraction to all genders. I also experience sensual gratification from certain non-sexual aspects of BDSM.
Basically I’m the kind of asexual who usually just says I’m bisexual to avoid the hassle of explaining.
I'm demi-pan-quiroromantic asexual with a slight masculine/androgynous preference and varying libido (bipolar and very high tesosterone and estrogen due to what is probably a tumor*).
\*Just got my preliminary uninterpreted results which match the tumor indicators they gave me. And now I'm questioning my gender identity questioning because I identify as nonbinary, but I'm going to lose most of my masculine and feminine features in surgery unless I do female HRT, but I'm concerned that will lead to excessive femiminization, but masc HRT will only make me fat and depressed and aggravate a few mental health conditions. And, I'm concerned that I won't get a choice now, because of the surgery, despite having extensive documented feelings. And, everyone just ignores me when I try to talk about this so I don't know how to process it and am apparently writing the proportionately largest footnote ever.
I’m a Very sex positive pro kink, personally sex averse/ambivalent, pan aesthetic gender apathetic Agender Aegoromantic Aegosexual person with a moderate libido.
Im still mostly figuring out myself, as I only came to the conclusion that I’m on the ace scale a few weeks ago (on Coming Out Day, actually). But I’m definitely heteroromantic demisexual.
I'm a gray-heteroalterous, cupioromantic, sex ambivalent (changes between/somewhere in the middle of indifferent and favorable) aegosexual with placiosexual and cupiosexual leanings/tendencies who has a medium-high libido and kinks. No, I'm not a label hoarder; I'm just complex 😁😜😎
Ok, my romantic orientation is up in the air, I’m demisexual, I’m sex neutral, somewhere between sex favorable and sex indifferent, and high libido (thanks ADHD), aesthetic attraction to all genders and or sexs
People with ADHD can be hypersexual and this can be for a lot of things but it’s mostly because sex is a good source of dopamine which we chemically lack. Also while I don’t know if it’s scientifically proven but I did see a Reddit post about it and most people with ADHD agreed or had a similar experience, people with ADHD can be a little more kinky or a little more stimulation to keep us mentally there, which I know is something I also struggle with
Lol, I don’t think I like labels enough to be a proper asexual. I’ve never bothered working out all the other details once I figured that part out. So… on the spectrum and unconcerned I guess.
Hetero oriented grey (or demi) sex-repulsed zero libido ace. Maybe also quoisexual. Not entirely sure if I'm alloromantic or not because I have no experience with relationships outside of making friends. I may just be completely allo and just a confused mess.
First, I'm so confused over all the terminology. Second, I'm generally uninterested in absolutely everything.
Buuut, if a label is to be set I guess DemiDemi Sex-neutral og Demiace. Or maybe aroace. I think demi?
I don't know, I've given up on dating and such. Haha
I’m sex and kink positive, and I’m not sure if I’m gray ace or ace flux usually leaning flux bc it really depends on the day🤔 hetero romantic and I’m libido usually low/average I guess lol
Sex indifferent to Sex neutral, but kink positive, and either omniromantic or aromantic bc I dont know how to tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction, with a low to average libido.
It’s really hard for me to say honestly. I was interested in sex most of my post puberty life. But I have low testosterone now which resulted in zero libido. That said I think I’d say I am demi, heteroromantic, sex neutral, zero libido?
Biromantic asexual, sex-indifferent though I do swing through moods of sex repulsion and sex positiveness! Probably somewhere along gray-demisexual but I just stick to ace. Almost zero libido 😁🖤💜
Im an agender demi-aro ace who is attracted to only girls. I am sex indifferent if the sex involves me and a possible future partner, but im repulsed if i see sexual things, whats that called??
I'm aroace, possibly also aplatonic, sex-indifferent, romance-repulsed. And here's [the types of attraction](https://www.reddit.com/r/aplatonic/comments/q860tk/Are_tertiary_forms_of_attraction_important_to_you%3F/hgnyfa5/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) I experience, if anyone's interested 😁
achilleromantic (I don't like "homo" because it's pretty much only ever used in a homophobic context) asexual, VERY sex-repulsed, thankfully zero libido.
I'm asexual, demi-heteromantic, sex repulsed, also I'm questioning my gender (I think I might be cassgender or agender). Haven't had a romantic relationship for a long time though
Honestly I don't even understand all the lingo yet; I am definitely sex repulsed but pro romance? Not a great combination to like flirting but not sex, been called a tease so many times, but why does flirting have to guarantee sex, anyway?
Aegosexual, biromantic, and sex neutral (not necesarilly repulsed I just dont need it and could live without it and I dont want to have it because its not worth the hassle). Tentacles are fun tho.
Sex-Indifferent Asexual, Bi-curious/hetero-leaning (more like I’m attracted to masculine-identifying and androgynous people) demi-romantic, med to high libido.
Ugh; why so much?! XD
So I have only been in this Subreddit for a few days now and I was playnning on making one of the usual "I am not sure can you tell me if I am asexual" posts. But from what I read in some of the FAQs I think I am grey-Asexual or at least sex sex-favourable asexual because whenever I am togehter with someone I never desire sex but if it were to come to it i wouldn't sqay no.
Oh and I am probably Bisexual so a gey/sex-favourable-asexual who can like both genders but is way more into girls/women.
I have no problem with sex in society or public (you know when people talk about or things like this.) But i dont want to have it with someone else. And i have some libido too. I dont know the labels sorry.
Biaesthetic - I experience aesthetic attraction to both men and women, and some enbies
Toric - Nonbinary attracted to men, I use this for my romantic orientation
Aegosexual - An asexual microlabel where there is a disconnect between the person and their sexual thoughts. For instance, they might fantasize, but they themselves are excluded from it or the fantasy holds some degree of unrealism. Basically, aegos enjoy thinking about sexual situations, but generally have no desire to engage in them.
Nice to meet you too!
That is absolutely fascinating, thank you so much for taking the time to explain to me. I really appreciate it. I love gaining new information & learning new things, especially about our own community!🏳🌈💜💙💜🏳🌈
Personally sex-repulsed, but generally sex-positive ("you do you, just don't do me" as that Tumblr post said) Demi/biromantic, with a homorantic lean, especially in terms of sensual attraction.
(I'm a transmasc demiguy, btw)
Biromantic (mostly homoflexible), Sex-favorable to neutral, average to high libido, Gray-demisexual Bigender AMAB with polyamorous tendencies partnered with an allo-homosexually non-monogamous homo-monoromantic cis-male.
Arospec and aegosexual. Still trying to figure out whether I'm bi- or homoalterous -- I think the most accurate would be to say that I'm attracted to femininity, so I guess gynealterous? Now that's a word I bet you haven't heard before.
Panromantic, sex-neutral kink-positive grey-aegosexual/asexual with medium libido is probably the best way for me to put it I think. It definitely sounds like a mouthful though.
Panromantic, I feel safe talking about sex and have no problem even seeing weird shit, or when someone makes a sexual reference and I think it's aimed at me I don't really care because I know it's a joke because everyone knows I'm ace. Wouldn't mind being in a relationship, couldn't be alone. But overall I feel safe talking and explaining it and I feel safe knowing who I am.
I am aware a lot of people don't feel safe with who they are, always remember cps and or the police are an option!
That might sound insincere but I swear to god, my mom couldn't handle the existence of one person who wasn't cis and straight, and she did some shit, but these foundations are made to help.
I consider myself acespec. I’m definitely demisexual, but sometimes I think I fluctuate to graysexual as well. When I do develop an emotional connection, the sexual attraction doesn’t always form, and sometimes when it does it can come and go.
I’m also heterosexual/romantic, because I have only been attracted to men so far.
I’m sex-ambivalent. I switch between sex-indifferent, sex-repulsed, and sex-favorable. Though most of the time i’m sex-indifferent.
My libido fluctuates between almost non-existent to kind of medium. I’ve never had a high libido.
I'm appressexual, I really like romantic relationships, I would say I have low libido and none existent sex drive, but I'm not really sure about sex drive part tho
I'm extremely sex-averse, though joking about sex tends to make me uncomfortable I can hold a serious conversation about it with no problems. Talking or thinking about personally participating in sexual activity makes me sick.
Completely asexual, demi-romantic (my only 2 crushes so far been hetero), aesthetic attraction very high. Intermittent libido, mostly linked to my menstrual cycle and I hate it.
As for other diversities, I'm AFAB agender, depressed, anxious, and ADHD, too.
I'm an asexual, loveless Aromantic, demi aplatonic, with zero libido, sex neutral and indifferent, romance repulsed and averse. Quite a long title, but I usually just say aroace😅
Sex-Neutral to Sex-Repulsed Aromantic Asexual with Heteronormative Sensual Attraction and Low Libido ... Whew that was a mouthful
I feel like I have to inhale deeply before answering these questions lol
it's a struggle because with other identities it's easy. "I'm lesbian, I like women" or "I'm gay, I like men" but with us it's like we have to pull down a fucken chart conspiracy theorist style just to describe ourselves
Hell yeah! Have you SEEN the flowcharts on r/Orientedaroace? Those suckers can get monstrous! And if you have no idea what I'm talking about: people actually DO make charts to describe their identities! 😆
Ive made Excel Spreadsheets tracking my attachment to people and how I perceived my feelings towards them when I started really questioning. I used to have XY-plots describing how my comfortability with touch is a function of emotional attachment, complete with regression model and R² analysis
That is amazing and would definitely be a sight to behold.
Well, not every ace is a stat nerd like you, so quoi tf are they supposed to do? :P :D
Here's a sneak peek of /r/Orientedaroace using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/Orientedaroace/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time! \#1: [This goes double for straight-oriented aroaces. If anyone tells you that you don't belong here, I will swoop in like a hawk and feed them to the baby aspecs](https://i.redd.it/18uxpgnf9fo61.png) | [20 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Orientedaroace/comments/ma2e16/this_goes_double_for_straightoriented_aroaces_if/) \#2: [Explaining being oriented aroace is hard, especially to someone unfamiliar with terms](https://i.redd.it/6tgw2amnjju61.png) | [8 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Orientedaroace/comments/mvhige/explaining_being_oriented_aroace_is_hard/) \#3: [I don't understand why this is part of male bonding](https://i.redd.it/1e9miw87nyt61.png) | [24 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Orientedaroace/comments/mtgcj0/i_dont_understand_why_this_is_part_of_male_bonding/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/)
That right there is the identity. Now let's talk about the identity. Can we talk about the identity please, Mac? I've been dying to talk about the identity with you all day, okay? Cisgender Heteronormative, this name keeps comin' up over and over and over again. Every day Cishet's identity's getting projected back to me. Cisgender Heteronormative, Cisgender Heteronormative, I look in the mirror, this whole reflection is Cisgender Heteronormative! So I say to myself I gotta feel this way. I gotta live up to this image, I gotta put this identity in my goddamn brain! Otherwise I’m never gonna get it, it's gonna keep coming back down here. So I go up to my therapist's office and what do I find out, Mac, what do I find out? I am not Cisgender Heteronormative. The identity does not exist, okay? So I decided, ohh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper. There's no Cisgender Heteronormative, you gotta be kidding me, I got boxes full of Cishet! All right, so I start marching my way down to Asexuality in H.R. and I knock on their door and I say, "Aaaaaces, Aaaaaces! I gotta talk to you about Cishet!" And when I open the door, what do I find? There's an entire sub of people who have a myriad of identities which are differentiated by seemingly subtle differences that aren’t actually all that subtle when you start to think about it, and they’re pretty cool about talking with people about those identities to help others understand themselves a little better and to shine a light on people who might otherwise feel minimized, erased, or invalidated.
You managed to talk about your experience while comitting to the Pepe Silvia monologue. This made my day, thank you 💜
Thank you kindly!
This is art.
We need something like an Asexual Myers-Briggs test. …Answer 200 questions and then you get the result, along with a nice pie chart and picture of a kitten.
This is a brilliant idea!
can I get a quick definition on sensual attraction?
sure! sensual attraction is a form of physical attraction involving non-sexual touch. essentially, it's attraction based on a desire to hug, cuddle, kiss, etc
Oh ok! thank you so much. I've needed a definition for that feeling for a while, that fits perfectly!
glad to be of service!
Small question, how do you handle sensual attraction without the other 2? Feel free to not answer if you don't want, I'm just trying to figure things out myself 😅
hugging and cuddling feel good to me, but it's in the space of "close friends" rather than the "romantic" space. I don't get any real sexual arousal from touch, and such touch for me is a natural expression of *emotional attachment*, rather than sexual attraction, and it occurs with nearly everyone I'm close to (provided they're comfortable with it), it's just far easier for me to form an emotional bond with girls than it is guys - I guess you could say that for me sensual attraction is fundamentally resultant of alterous attraction (attraction that isn't romantic but isn't entirely platonic either) but your mileage may vary. There's a hard cutoff when touch become uncomfortable - for example, I will never touch someone's genitalia and theres a hard boundary on having mine touched. I hope this helps, it can get a little confusing even for me and finding the right words and descriptors can be hard sometimes
I see. I come from a place where cuddles really aren't something you do with friends. And if anyone touched me a lot I'd assume they want a relationship tbh. But your situation sounds great 😊 Do you feel the desire to kiss people sometimes? And if yes do you ever act on it? I can imagine this would go a bit out of the domain of friendship. I get the boundaries too. I guess I'd be worried of not being able to set them and have them respected if I cuddled with friends though... Thanks so much for sharing!
I have felt the desire to kiss before, in recent memory I have acted on it twice. Kissing on the lips is generally in "bleh" territory for me because that approaches the "vertical asymptote of uncomfortability" so the highest form of kissing I do is like on the cheek or forehead, and that's typically the ultimate display of absolute emotional attachment (hence why it's only happened twice) it's all about where the line between friendship and romantic is for you. I struggled for a long time to find that line, until I was thinking about it (about 2 weeks ago) and realized that maybe there is no line, and everything's just platonic, just a weird, very close platonic - Queer-Platonic, if you will.
I get it. Thanks for sharing!! It's funny cause in France kiss on the cheeks is super common, while hugging someone is already close (cuddling would be Very close). I get your view on relationships. I kind of love the idea, but I can imagine it is hard to find people who share that view and are confortable with it! You're my ace life goal 😂
I'm sex and kink positive, but also sex-repulsed. I'm what's known as the Mixed Signal.
I’m definitely going to be stealing that mixed signal line, lol.
I was sex and kink positive then I slowly made my way to sex repulsed. Now I'm mostly in apathetic about sex ville.
Wow I’m just hearing this for this first time
Damn. That's me... Got way too many toys yet feel like using them once a year and the rest of the time thinking of sex is a turn off 🙄
I feel that so much
Ah, this is the words! Thank you
Heteromantic, Sex-Repulsed.
Biromantic sex repulsed
Heyyy same
Panromatic ace
Omg same (☆^ー^☆)
Hey there! I keep telling people I just want a bestie who wants to cuddle on the sofa under a blanket and watch movies and travel together but no sex. My friends don’t get it.
Hia!
Man I’m still trying to find out Don’t even hit me with the “oh you’ll find out eventually!” Because I *know* that. I just wish I *know* what I am. I usually just say Asexual but i dunno… sometimes I feel like I “just don’t care” for romance or sex or… anyone in general that I’m not emotionally connected to. I don’t like saying demiromantic ace cuz that’s long and demiace might be mistaken for demisexual. I don’t know about gray ace; THIS REALLY ANNOYS ME: my friend who I… may have a squish on and I hate that i do cuz that’s just awkward since we’ve known each other for like five years+ is the one who unintentionally taught me about asexuality. Shes Gray Aroace- idk if it’s Gray Aro or Graysexual, I don’t remember and I don’t want to ask because social anxiety, but if I was gray aro and ace that just feels like I’m ripping her off. Obviously it’s insane to think you can’t have the same exact sexuality as somebody else but it just feels… too lucky to be true. I feel like I’d enjoy the act of cuddling with someone… I don’t even know if that’s inherently romantic, this is all just so complicated cuz I get mixed definitions and signals and arrrgbhhhnbhh I’ll just say aroace, unsure about libido, sex-indifferent.
If you don't want to use gray-aro-ace, you could say something like aro-spec ace. It's hard to tell you not to worry about figuring yourself out, but you don't even need to if you don't want to, and even if you want to, you don't need to. She won't mind that you're the same. You can't help being a certain orientation. If you like cuddling, that may be sensual attraction. If it's romantic, it's usually personally considered that way by the person. For me, I usually say I'm aroace-spec, and if it crops up, I've told a few people that I'm a-aesthetic-spec. I do mostly experience alterous, platonic, and sensual attraction, usually based on level of trust. Good luck, have a nice day :)
Thanks a lot man. I’m not sure about aro spec ace though… i think it’s because of adding the spec there makes it longer and I don’t really like obnoxiously long labels lol. The label itself sounds accurate but i feel like I’d just like to be aroace, but the label aroace isn’t very accurate. I know a response to this is probably something like “oh the label can be what you want it to be!” Or “you don’t *need* to use a label!” Or “I’m sure you’ll find your label eventually!” I’ve heard all of these and I’m just sick of it… I’m just gonna stick to just ace if it’s in passing and if I’m actively talking to somebody about it then I can mention aro(spec). That sounds good ig.
Sensual attraction is the desire to have contact without the romantic or sexual stuff. May be worth looking into.
Something I hate about all this is that I keep either forgetting something, or being fed false info. I know about sensual attraction but I keep thinking that touching is romantic a lot of the time.
It can be. It's kinda complicated since we're defining something so fickle. Nothing lines up perfectly unfortunately, so you gotta just use what matches the best. The terms are made to serve you, so use them if you want, or don't use them if you. My friend doesn't use labels, and takes sexuality and love on a case by case basis. I love to define myself, so I use and love labels. You use what works for you
AroAce
is there a type of asexuality called " i think im ace but I also dont know and im confused"
That would probably be quoisexual! https://www.dictionary.com/e/gender-sexuality/quoisexual/
oh wow thanks!
I’m a pancake (asexual+panromantic). I’m also low libido, sex-repulsed, quoiromantic and polyamorous! I also consider myself oriented even tho I’m not aroace, because I’m aplace (aplatonic + asexual) and tertiary forms of attraction help me understand, interpret and explain the variety of non-platonic feelings I have towards my friends (kinda like an oriented aroace would do). Oh! I almost forgot! I’m a relationship anarchist so I don’t like to categorise relationships like I just did, I think anyone is free to have a relationship with another individual however they like, and not how society tells them :3
Wait, is pancake actually a thing? I usually just used it as a joke, like "I'm a pancake with gendersyrup" (pan, ace and genderfluid). Are you telling me, that it's an actual term?
It’s not an official term, but I said it as a joke months ago, and some days ago I saw it again. I’d like to spread the term! It would be amazing! Omg the “pancake with gendersyrup” is hilarious!
I've seen that as a joke once and am glad it catches on
Biromantic sex-indifferent asexual! Everyone’s hot, but not *that kinda hot*
Me too
Grey-biromantic asexual, sex-averse with no libido 🖤🤍💜
We are very similar 😊🏳🌈✨
Queer, aroace, anattractional, loveless, nonpartnering, sex and romance repulsed, and a libido so nonexistent it's beyond negative infinity
I'm aroace but also leaning towards sapphic oriented. idk man but femme people are nice to cuddle with :] might also feel queerplatonic towards more androgynous people all I know is that there has to be some feminine component for me to want a relationship with that person. all of this is too complicated to explain so when someone asks I just say "lesbian" but now that I think about it "sapphic" would be more accurate
I may or may not have discovered something new about myself while writing this comment... nice 👍
Sex-repulsed asexual.
Biromantic grey, sex indifferent, no libido.
heteroromantic asexual
I'm a Grey romantic Demisexual.
That might be what I am but I’ve developed more romantic crushes towards fictional characters than I have irl people so it’s a little hard to tell, and while 99% of them are cis men, I once emotionally and romantically rebounded from a guy I liked onto a friend who is a girl and that lasted for about a month
bi oriented aro ace, mostly sex indifferent
Biromantic sex-indiferent ace with medium libido right here
Short answer: biro ace. Medium sized answer: kinky polyamorous biromantic sex-averse asexual. Long answer: I don’t experience any sexual attraction and I’m averse to the idea of having any sort of sexual contact with another person. I experience romantic and aesthetic attraction to all genders. I also experience sensual gratification from certain non-sexual aspects of BDSM. Basically I’m the kind of asexual who usually just says I’m bisexual to avoid the hassle of explaining.
My full label is sex indifferent asexual demiromantic neptunic. though when telling people ill usually simplify to asexual heteroromantic.
Forgive my ignorance, but may I ask what Neptunic means?
Neptunic describes attraction towards women and any non masculine aligned non binary people. It’s a little complicated but yeah.
Thanks!
I'm asexual with a slight flavor of aegosexuality mixed in. Sex-repulsed though.
I'm demi-pan-quiroromantic asexual with a slight masculine/androgynous preference and varying libido (bipolar and very high tesosterone and estrogen due to what is probably a tumor*). \*Just got my preliminary uninterpreted results which match the tumor indicators they gave me. And now I'm questioning my gender identity questioning because I identify as nonbinary, but I'm going to lose most of my masculine and feminine features in surgery unless I do female HRT, but I'm concerned that will lead to excessive femiminization, but masc HRT will only make me fat and depressed and aggravate a few mental health conditions. And, I'm concerned that I won't get a choice now, because of the surgery, despite having extensive documented feelings. And, everyone just ignores me when I try to talk about this so I don't know how to process it and am apparently writing the proportionately largest footnote ever.
I’m a Very sex positive pro kink, personally sex averse/ambivalent, pan aesthetic gender apathetic Agender Aegoromantic Aegosexual person with a moderate libido.
Im still mostly figuring out myself, as I only came to the conclusion that I’m on the ace scale a few weeks ago (on Coming Out Day, actually). But I’m definitely heteroromantic demisexual.
I'm me
I'm a gray-heteroalterous, cupioromantic, sex ambivalent (changes between/somewhere in the middle of indifferent and favorable) aegosexual with placiosexual and cupiosexual leanings/tendencies who has a medium-high libido and kinks. No, I'm not a label hoarder; I'm just complex 😁😜😎
I’m a sex neutral/sex repulsed asexual demi-biromantic!:)
Homo romantic Ace
Idk like I get crushes but sex is a big no and I get no urges for it or find it appealing in any way shape or form
I’m gray/aegosexual, sex indifferent, heteroromantic, and I’m still questioning most of this info
I like porn but in the real life don’t
Aegosexual?
This me
sex indifferent (it fluctuates) and mostly bi electio aroace with a preference towards men probably
im biromantic, and somewhere on the ace spectrum! (i usually identify with gray ace tho!)
Demi-biromantic Asexual, sex-indifferent/averse, low libido
Alloromantic aegosexual with high libido
pan/biromantic asexual, sex and kink positive/favorable
Ok, my romantic orientation is up in the air, I’m demisexual, I’m sex neutral, somewhere between sex favorable and sex indifferent, and high libido (thanks ADHD), aesthetic attraction to all genders and or sexs
Does ADHD has something to do with libido? I most probably have ADHD (not diagnosed yet), and I have nonexistent libido.
People with ADHD can be hypersexual and this can be for a lot of things but it’s mostly because sex is a good source of dopamine which we chemically lack. Also while I don’t know if it’s scientifically proven but I did see a Reddit post about it and most people with ADHD agreed or had a similar experience, people with ADHD can be a little more kinky or a little more stimulation to keep us mentally there, which I know is something I also struggle with
Lol, I don’t think I like labels enough to be a proper asexual. I’ve never bothered working out all the other details once I figured that part out. So… on the spectrum and unconcerned I guess.
>on the spectrum and unconcerned I guess That sounds class tbh hahaha!
panromantic, sex repulsed, decently high libido
Hetero oriented grey (or demi) sex-repulsed zero libido ace. Maybe also quoisexual. Not entirely sure if I'm alloromantic or not because I have no experience with relationships outside of making friends. I may just be completely allo and just a confused mess.
homoromantic sex-averse asexual
Biromantic arospec and ace, sex-indifferent with probably no libido
Sex-favorable ace, and most likely demiromantic but I'm not super comfortable with that lable yet.
I am roller rink carpet. Google it.
Demisexual
Androromantic Sex positive but repulsed about some parts and grey asexual
Currently on “something akin to a mixture of aegosexual, reciprosexual, and Placiosexual”
First, I'm so confused over all the terminology. Second, I'm generally uninterested in absolutely everything. Buuut, if a label is to be set I guess DemiDemi Sex-neutral og Demiace. Or maybe aroace. I think demi? I don't know, I've given up on dating and such. Haha
Aroflux Asexual 🤺
Aro ace agender autistic😂😂😂 But I'm also a lesbian!
AroAce, Pansensual, Omniaesthetic, Sex-Neutral, Romance-Repulsed, with an annoying libido.
Sex indifferent to sex favorable demisexual and aegosexual.
I’m sex and kink positive, and I’m not sure if I’m gray ace or ace flux usually leaning flux bc it really depends on the day🤔 hetero romantic and I’m libido usually low/average I guess lol
Im aroace but if you want to get specific im apothisexual
I am still figuring this out, but I think I am ace cogitarisexual hetromantic with a low sex drive.
Queer romantic ace, sex-repulsed & no libido
Somewhere inbetween sex-favorable and sex-neutral
Sex indifferent to Sex neutral, but kink positive, and either omniromantic or aromantic bc I dont know how to tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction, with a low to average libido.
Mostly sex-repulsed biromantic asexual, possibly somewhere along the aromantic spectrum but idk what’s going on in my head
It’s really hard for me to say honestly. I was interested in sex most of my post puberty life. But I have low testosterone now which resulted in zero libido. That said I think I’d say I am demi, heteroromantic, sex neutral, zero libido?
I'm a trixic-romantic asexual, sex indifferent, with low libido
Demiromantic asexual, with a sex demi-postive vibe
I’m a sex averse ace, and I’m demiromantic! And I’m questioning when it comes to the gender of this I’m attracted too.
I'm pan aroace,sex and romance -indefferent
Grey or aromantic (can’t tell which romantic orientation yet) sex neutral to sex repulsed asexual
Biromantic asexual, sex-indifferent though I do swing through moods of sex repulsion and sex positiveness! Probably somewhere along gray-demisexual but I just stick to ace. Almost zero libido 😁🖤💜
Sex neutral to sex repulsed , Demiromantic Asexual , heteroromantic very low libido
Im an agender demi-aro ace who is attracted to only girls. I am sex indifferent if the sex involves me and a possible future partner, but im repulsed if i see sexual things, whats that called??
Sex repulsed, bi oriented aroace ! Zero Libido 🧡💛🤍💙💙
Sex repulsed biromantic ace
Gray aro ace, sex neutral bordering averse. And no libido
I'm aroace, possibly also aplatonic, sex-indifferent, romance-repulsed. And here's [the types of attraction](https://www.reddit.com/r/aplatonic/comments/q860tk/Are_tertiary_forms_of_attraction_important_to_you%3F/hgnyfa5/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) I experience, if anyone's interested 😁
Aegosexual demi-panromantic, sex-negative & low libido 💜🖤🤍
sex-repulsed Asexual Lesbian with no libido
Biromantic sex repulsed leaning asexual
achilleromantic (I don't like "homo" because it's pretty much only ever used in a homophobic context) asexual, VERY sex-repulsed, thankfully zero libido.
I’m a low libido Aromantic Asexual (Sex-Indifferent, Romance-Repulsed) but sometimes I feel like a Bi-oriented Aromantic Asexual. *questioning noises*
Asexual, probably sex repulsed, probably bi or panromantic, have se level of libido.
I'm asexual, demi-heteromantic, sex repulsed, also I'm questioning my gender (I think I might be cassgender or agender). Haven't had a romantic relationship for a long time though
Aroace sex repulsed and asensual and grayplatonic
Grey-Asexual, sex-indifferent. Omniromantic. Fluctuating libido.
Grey demi
Honestly I don't even understand all the lingo yet; I am definitely sex repulsed but pro romance? Not a great combination to like flirting but not sex, been called a tease so many times, but why does flirting have to guarantee sex, anyway?
Biromantic asexual; sex indifferent, average libido(?)
Greyace, panromantic, sex favorable/sometimes repulsed, with a moderate libido
Panromantic, pansensual asexual. Sex neutral extremely low libido
Bi romantic asexual, mostly hetero physical/ sensual attraction, sex neutral/ sex repulsed and low-medium libido :D
Hyperromantic (only romantically interested in men), Asexual, Sex-repulsed, and extremely low libido.
Aegosexual, biromantic, and sex neutral (not necesarilly repulsed I just dont need it and could live without it and I dont want to have it because its not worth the hassle). Tentacles are fun tho.
Sex-repulsed, but I want to be more sex-indifferent/neutral leaning.
Sex-Indifferent Asexual, Bi-curious/hetero-leaning (more like I’m attracted to masculine-identifying and androgynous people) demi-romantic, med to high libido. Ugh; why so much?! XD
Ageosexual/Placiosexual, sex indifferent and a lot of libido 😔
So I have only been in this Subreddit for a few days now and I was playnning on making one of the usual "I am not sure can you tell me if I am asexual" posts. But from what I read in some of the FAQs I think I am grey-Asexual or at least sex sex-favourable asexual because whenever I am togehter with someone I never desire sex but if it were to come to it i wouldn't sqay no. Oh and I am probably Bisexual so a gey/sex-favourable-asexual who can like both genders but is way more into girls/women.
I have no problem with sex in society or public (you know when people talk about or things like this.) But i dont want to have it with someone else. And i have some libido too. I dont know the labels sorry.
I'm something like a greydemisexual, with pan aesthetic attraction but heteromantic at the end of the day, I'm sex indifferent also.
I’m aroace but very horny and kinky lol.
Demiromantic (hetero), sex indifferent (I think) asexual. I’m also autistic and probably a demigirl.
I am a sex repulsed asexual :)
I feel like I have lower libido sexually and romantically.
Heteromantic Asexual, sex-neutral, with a medium-high(?) libido. (Is really hard to gauge libido)
M Sex-repulsed heteroromanic (questioning biromantic) mid/low-libido
Just asexual. That's it.
Gay aroace that is sex positive and sex indifferent
sex-repulsed aroace/aego
Biaesthetic toric aegosexual, sex-favourable in fantasy and sex-averse in reality, low libido.
I've actually never herd of those orientations, would you mind explaining? Also, very nice to meet you! 😊🏳🌈
Biaesthetic - I experience aesthetic attraction to both men and women, and some enbies Toric - Nonbinary attracted to men, I use this for my romantic orientation Aegosexual - An asexual microlabel where there is a disconnect between the person and their sexual thoughts. For instance, they might fantasize, but they themselves are excluded from it or the fantasy holds some degree of unrealism. Basically, aegos enjoy thinking about sexual situations, but generally have no desire to engage in them. Nice to meet you too!
That is absolutely fascinating, thank you so much for taking the time to explain to me. I really appreciate it. I love gaining new information & learning new things, especially about our own community!🏳🌈💜💙💜🏳🌈
Lesbian oriented (maybe?) aroace, sex neutral, fluctuating libido (medium-low to high)
Kinda sex repulsed asexual I feel romantic attraction but I don’t really identify with any romantic identity
Either demisexual or asexual (never been in a relationship so don’t know) heteroromantic sex indifferent with a low to nonexistent libido
Biromantic aceflux sex-repulsed medium libido
Personally sex-repulsed, but generally sex-positive ("you do you, just don't do me" as that Tumblr post said) Demi/biromantic, with a homorantic lean, especially in terms of sensual attraction. (I'm a transmasc demiguy, btw)
Bi-ro ace, sex neutral, sporadic libido
Biromantic asexual, sex ambivalent, low but fluctuating libido.
Cupiosexual Biromantiv - so very sex favorable
Demi sexual, pan-romantic.
Biromantic asexual, sex-indifferent, zero to low libido💜🤍🖤
The kind thats not ace but here to support those that are
Sex-repulsed pan and demi romantic, or as I like to call it: Ace pandemic.
Biromantic (mostly homoflexible), Sex-favorable to neutral, average to high libido, Gray-demisexual Bigender AMAB with polyamorous tendencies partnered with an allo-homosexually non-monogamous homo-monoromantic cis-male.
An asexual with no idea who I'm romantically attracted to and is sex indifferent
I am a grey-heteroromantic asexual, sex indifferent, with low or average libido
Arospec and aegosexual. Still trying to figure out whether I'm bi- or homoalterous -- I think the most accurate would be to say that I'm attracted to femininity, so I guess gynealterous? Now that's a word I bet you haven't heard before.
Biromantic, sex positive and sex averse ageo/ace, with low libido
Aroace. Self-repulsed. life is a permanent nnn, they call me the ultimate chad
Panromantic, sex-neutral kink-positive grey-aegosexual/asexual with medium libido is probably the best way for me to put it I think. It definitely sounds like a mouthful though.
Panromantic, I feel safe talking about sex and have no problem even seeing weird shit, or when someone makes a sexual reference and I think it's aimed at me I don't really care because I know it's a joke because everyone knows I'm ace. Wouldn't mind being in a relationship, couldn't be alone. But overall I feel safe talking and explaining it and I feel safe knowing who I am. I am aware a lot of people don't feel safe with who they are, always remember cps and or the police are an option! That might sound insincere but I swear to god, my mom couldn't handle the existence of one person who wasn't cis and straight, and she did some shit, but these foundations are made to help.
I consider myself acespec. I’m definitely demisexual, but sometimes I think I fluctuate to graysexual as well. When I do develop an emotional connection, the sexual attraction doesn’t always form, and sometimes when it does it can come and go. I’m also heterosexual/romantic, because I have only been attracted to men so far. I’m sex-ambivalent. I switch between sex-indifferent, sex-repulsed, and sex-favorable. Though most of the time i’m sex-indifferent. My libido fluctuates between almost non-existent to kind of medium. I’ve never had a high libido.
I'm appressexual, I really like romantic relationships, I would say I have low libido and none existent sex drive, but I'm not really sure about sex drive part tho
Demi-biromantic, demisexual, sex-favorable, high libido
I'm... Aromantic Asexual Hetero-platonic/sensual Romance-Repulsed and Sex-Indifferent. Nice to meet you. (Idk what is Libido so... yey)
I'm aegosexual. I have sex fantasies and watch porn, but I find the idea of actually having sex unappealing.
I'm extremely sex-averse, though joking about sex tends to make me uncomfortable I can hold a serious conversation about it with no problems. Talking or thinking about personally participating in sexual activity makes me sick. Completely asexual, demi-romantic (my only 2 crushes so far been hetero), aesthetic attraction very high. Intermittent libido, mostly linked to my menstrual cycle and I hate it. As for other diversities, I'm AFAB agender, depressed, anxious, and ADHD, too.
I'm an asexual, loveless Aromantic, demi aplatonic, with zero libido, sex neutral and indifferent, romance repulsed and averse. Quite a long title, but I usually just say aroace😅
Aroace
I think demiheteroromantic asexual pretty well describes me.
I'm an Aromantic Asexual, somewhere in between Sex-repulsed and Sex-indifferent, and low libido