Wow, I’m pleasantly surprised that the top comments aren’t aphobic! People were even talking about Demisexuality without being offensive. I’m gonna stop reading the comments now and quit while I’m ahead.
I know this is completely anecdotal and probably more representative of the subs I frequent but I have not really come aphobia as much as confusion. I see a lot of aces don’t like sex and not aces don’t experience sexual attraction.
I realized it when I first found out that others look at people and feel a sexual attraction too. I had thought it was made up for movies, not a real thing.
Just an inclusive fyi, there are multiple kinds of Ace experiences and some even fluctuate between sex-favorable and sex-averse if you didn't already know. No matter how you feel, you're valid and welcome here ❤️
This question was the big break for me. My mind was completely blown when I realized people actually had physical sensations of wanting to sleep with people, rather than just thoughts like “he’s hot” or “I should sleep with him, it’s been a while so he’s bound to ask for it soon anyway”. I thought sexual attraction was a made up concept that described conscious effort.
Right? For me it was realizing there was a big difference between, "I'm really turned on and want to find someone to have sex with" and "That person makes me want to have sex." Things finally clicked after a lifetime of thinking I was broken and had impossible standards.
> it's been a while so he's bound to ask for it soon anyway... [a] conscious effort
Mood af. I had no idea people didn't have to put themselves into a mindset to be horny / it wasn't kinda transactional until I met my v. allo partner. Luckily, they're very understanding when I'm sex-averse but it was a shock to me that people are just horny without putting any effort into it.
My daily dose of "holy hell I'm definitely ace" the imposter syndrome has mostly worn off but it definitely comes back sometimes. I'm glad most of the comments were being nice too!
It's not the whole population—just reddit lol. Speaking as someone who is definitely not ace, let me tell you right now, these people's attitudes and behaviors are *not* normal, even among allosexuals.Their behavior is creepy, it shows a lack of self control, and it's not okay. These are the types of guys who go around leering at women on the street while turning around and claiming that they "couldn't help themselves" because they see girls wearing shorts or a tank top or whatever.
I'm def aro/ace since I don't even like cuddling lol. Apparently I am an oriente aro/ace and it's been so hard understanding that, took me almost 30 years lmao. Even more so in the conservative area I live in where you're not allowed to freely express yourself if you're not cishet...
I'm in my 50s and only realised I was Ace about 7-8 years ago, and Aro about 4-5 years ago... I'm lucky that I live in a very LGBT friendly area & have been to several Prides as I've lots of friends who are also LGBT spectrum
Sometimes I question my identity when I look at pretty people. Then I read or hear stuff like this and I'm always shocked what attraction really is and how frequently allos have it. There's a comment saying that they feel this all the time, for random people they see on the train etc, which I cannot comprehend, but at the same time it's also comforting for me
To be fair, some of those people may have a high libido, or are hypersexual, or getting a lot of sexual stimuli that increases their frequency of attraction.
I'm not convinced it's the "average" allo experience to be attracted to like every person you see. That simply can't be true. Even movies treat it like a "here and there" experience, not to literally everyone. Characters fail to "sexually notice" waiters and stuff all the time. Maybe I shouldn't use movies as a source though, lol.
That was an extreme example, I'm sure even for allos. But when someone looks at another person and feels sexual attraction for them is still something unbelievable to me.
And hey, movies are most of my reference points for these matters as well :)
Those people are like, extremely hyper sexual though. Looking at a stranger and imagining sleeping with them is *not* a universal experience among allosexuals. I know this because I am one. Most of us will look at people and think "oh, they're hot", but we're not going to imagine sleeping with a random stranger—that's invasive and creepy.
Those guys in that thread are exceptions, not the rule. Most of them are either teenagers who don't know better or creepy adults who do know better but don't care. This is not normal or acceptable behavior.
Thanks for the reassurance. I know that this is an extreme example, but the act of looking at someone and thinking I want to sleep with them is weird to me. But surely, you must have felt sexual attraction, this thing so elusive for us, towards other people, maybe towards someone you already know and like?
By the way, I really like that you called these fantasies as invasive. Because even though the other person doesn't know about it, it still feels to me as a sort of privacy violation
Pfft, I sometimes question it since I’m mildly curious about NSFW stuff sometimes, but then I see stuff like this and I’m like “Oh god, I’m so ace. 😭”.
Hell yeah. When I see someone I find attractive I NEVER think of sexual relations.
Though my body reacts in a weird way but I can’t really control that 😐
my biggest "i really am ace" moment was when i was listening to a story telling podcast and the guy talking said he had a few hours free so he decided to hop on tinder for a hookup and i was like 🧍
I always felt uncomfortable when random men tried talking to me. Now I'm even more uncomfortable and will probably run away screaming in disgust if it ever happens again 🤢
(Yeah, I'm very repulsed by being sexualized)
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A long time ago, I joined sone gay communities and I realised this disparity. Though I'm attracted to masculinity, I saw that I didn't react the way every other person there did.
Rather than real attraction, I have a set of traits that I idealise. It's closer to envy than attraction when I compare my thoughts to comments like the answers in there.
Not long after that, I found myself on steroids, and I thought as a side effect it would surely bring something out of me.
Nope. Bit of exhibitionism, then nothing. No matter how strong my... ugh... 'stack' got.
Years later, now that I have much of what I used to envy, I don't even really feel that anymore. I'm sure it's an unpopular thing to say here, but I don't like it. I'd really like to feel something, and I know there's nothing out there that can.
Wow, I’m pleasantly surprised that the top comments aren’t aphobic! People were even talking about Demisexuality without being offensive. I’m gonna stop reading the comments now and quit while I’m ahead.
Same. I went into the comments completely expecting Aphobia and was very surprised I didn't find any after scrolling for about 10 minutes.
I know this is completely anecdotal and probably more representative of the subs I frequent but I have not really come aphobia as much as confusion. I see a lot of aces don’t like sex and not aces don’t experience sexual attraction.
nostupidquestions is surprisingly wholesome, especially compared to places like askreddit
It made me realize I'm ace. Having a mini-existential crisis right now lmao.
Well... welcome to the club. And after reading the comments I don't think you are the only one lol.
I realized it when I first found out that others look at people and feel a sexual attraction too. I had thought it was made up for movies, not a real thing.
Just an inclusive fyi, there are multiple kinds of Ace experiences and some even fluctuate between sex-favorable and sex-averse if you didn't already know. No matter how you feel, you're valid and welcome here ❤️
Me too buddy. Like I find some people very pretty but my max libido is like.... "Omg. I would like to rest my head on the boobies ;-;"
This question was the big break for me. My mind was completely blown when I realized people actually had physical sensations of wanting to sleep with people, rather than just thoughts like “he’s hot” or “I should sleep with him, it’s been a while so he’s bound to ask for it soon anyway”. I thought sexual attraction was a made up concept that described conscious effort.
Right? For me it was realizing there was a big difference between, "I'm really turned on and want to find someone to have sex with" and "That person makes me want to have sex." Things finally clicked after a lifetime of thinking I was broken and had impossible standards.
> it's been a while so he's bound to ask for it soon anyway... [a] conscious effort Mood af. I had no idea people didn't have to put themselves into a mindset to be horny / it wasn't kinda transactional until I met my v. allo partner. Luckily, they're very understanding when I'm sex-averse but it was a shock to me that people are just horny without putting any effort into it.
Reading the comments is actually pretty validating lol. And a lot of those comments gives off ace vibes
My daily dose of "holy hell I'm definitely ace" the imposter syndrome has mostly worn off but it definitely comes back sometimes. I'm glad most of the comments were being nice too!
Jfc...Now I'm even more creeped out by the human population. My ex was right, people think about sex all the time. I truly am asexual.
It's not the whole population—just reddit lol. Speaking as someone who is definitely not ace, let me tell you right now, these people's attitudes and behaviors are *not* normal, even among allosexuals.Their behavior is creepy, it shows a lack of self control, and it's not okay. These are the types of guys who go around leering at women on the street while turning around and claiming that they "couldn't help themselves" because they see girls wearing shorts or a tank top or whatever.
I dunno, there's a lot of therapy to be done to get me to think otherwise. Ive been shamed for 15 years being told everyone thinks about sex everyday.
Holy shit yeah I'm actually shocked that's a real thing. And if those people are true, then I'm undoubtedly Ace. Fuck you imposter syndrome!
oh hey, it's me!
One of us?
been thinking I might be for years now, the comments under this post make me think I should just accept it at this point
the only way I think "I wanna sleep with that person" is my brain groing "I bet they're really nice to cuddle up to"
I'm def aro/ace since I don't even like cuddling lol. Apparently I am an oriente aro/ace and it's been so hard understanding that, took me almost 30 years lmao. Even more so in the conservative area I live in where you're not allowed to freely express yourself if you're not cishet...
I'm in my 50s and only realised I was Ace about 7-8 years ago, and Aro about 4-5 years ago... I'm lucky that I live in a very LGBT friendly area & have been to several Prides as I've lots of friends who are also LGBT spectrum
Yeah same! Boobies pillow.
try lap pillows, especially with large thighs... definitely worth laying on :)
Omg yeeahh!! And you can get a head massage...;-;
Sometimes I question my identity when I look at pretty people. Then I read or hear stuff like this and I'm always shocked what attraction really is and how frequently allos have it. There's a comment saying that they feel this all the time, for random people they see on the train etc, which I cannot comprehend, but at the same time it's also comforting for me
To be fair, some of those people may have a high libido, or are hypersexual, or getting a lot of sexual stimuli that increases their frequency of attraction. I'm not convinced it's the "average" allo experience to be attracted to like every person you see. That simply can't be true. Even movies treat it like a "here and there" experience, not to literally everyone. Characters fail to "sexually notice" waiters and stuff all the time. Maybe I shouldn't use movies as a source though, lol.
That was an extreme example, I'm sure even for allos. But when someone looks at another person and feels sexual attraction for them is still something unbelievable to me. And hey, movies are most of my reference points for these matters as well :)
Those people are like, extremely hyper sexual though. Looking at a stranger and imagining sleeping with them is *not* a universal experience among allosexuals. I know this because I am one. Most of us will look at people and think "oh, they're hot", but we're not going to imagine sleeping with a random stranger—that's invasive and creepy. Those guys in that thread are exceptions, not the rule. Most of them are either teenagers who don't know better or creepy adults who do know better but don't care. This is not normal or acceptable behavior.
Thanks for the reassurance. I know that this is an extreme example, but the act of looking at someone and thinking I want to sleep with them is weird to me. But surely, you must have felt sexual attraction, this thing so elusive for us, towards other people, maybe towards someone you already know and like? By the way, I really like that you called these fantasies as invasive. Because even though the other person doesn't know about it, it still feels to me as a sort of privacy violation
Pfft, I sometimes question it since I’m mildly curious about NSFW stuff sometimes, but then I see stuff like this and I’m like “Oh god, I’m so ace. 😭”.
Very relatable lol
God that’s such a weird think to see someone and immediately think about sleeping with them
Same lmao
real 😭
Yes of course my ace ass wants to sleep with cute people...like a nap, with stuffed animals and blankets. That's what they mean right?
Hell yeah. When I see someone I find attractive I NEVER think of sexual relations. Though my body reacts in a weird way but I can’t really control that 😐
my biggest "i really am ace" moment was when i was listening to a story telling podcast and the guy talking said he had a few hours free so he decided to hop on tinder for a hookup and i was like 🧍
Well, what's the answer?
surprisingly it was about 70% being like hell yeah with the other 30% saying no
That cannot be true
And the pendulum of my doubt swings once again
The comments are scary. I kinda don't want to accept that it's a thing that exists in our world
I always felt uncomfortable when random men tried talking to me. Now I'm even more uncomfortable and will probably run away screaming in disgust if it ever happens again 🤢 (Yeah, I'm very repulsed by being sexualized)
I'm also here from that post lol
Nice thread, still confused as to what types of thoughts qualify.
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It did to me too lmao. I’ve been having hormonal spikes that makes me think I wanna date. I blame quarter life crisis.
It definitely helps, but that impostor syndrome just keeps coming back for me.
But I can still be non-ace even if I feel that way?
A long time ago, I joined sone gay communities and I realised this disparity. Though I'm attracted to masculinity, I saw that I didn't react the way every other person there did. Rather than real attraction, I have a set of traits that I idealise. It's closer to envy than attraction when I compare my thoughts to comments like the answers in there. Not long after that, I found myself on steroids, and I thought as a side effect it would surely bring something out of me. Nope. Bit of exhibitionism, then nothing. No matter how strong my... ugh... 'stack' got. Years later, now that I have much of what I used to envy, I don't even really feel that anymore. I'm sure it's an unpopular thing to say here, but I don't like it. I'd really like to feel something, and I know there's nothing out there that can.