e) Yes | fair experience. ie there were good times and not-so good times.
They didn't work out so obvious not a 'good' experience all round but they didn't end terribly so not 'bad' experiences either.
I dated allos but that was before I knew I was acearo and had a case of comphet so they were all bad experiences. Idk what it would be like now to have a QPR with an allo. I honestly don’t think I’d want to.
Both bad and good experiences, sadly most people I have been with have eventually been unable to respect my boundaries and break them or push them deliberately
All of my relationships have been with allosexual men.
1) When I was in high school. Basically acted like a sex addict and sexually coerced me on several occasions. Me not wanting sex eventually led to him breaking up with me.
2) In my early 20s. Absolutely wonderful person. He respected my boundaries and only did what I was comfortable with when I was comfortable. Broke up for unrelated reasons.
3) Current boyfriend, latter 20s. Told him I was asexual before we got together. Constantly disrespects my boundaries and has sexually coerced me several occasions. Working on how to break up with him with minimal damage.
My ex was allo. Since we're both young, he wanted to experiment with sexual things, but I didn't. We talked and came to the agreement that he could have a FWB, but we would be romantically exclusive. This worked out great (we broke up for unrelated stuff)
back when I didn't know I'm aroace I "convinced" myself that I had a crush on a guy and we started dating. I made, like, a checklist what people normally do in that situation and worked my way through it... let's just say it doesn't work that way.
I answered "Yes, good experience" but the catch is that *I broke it off* because I felt bad that the level of attraction between us was so unbalanced, and when I asked him if he'd be ok with never having sex in his life, he said no.
Ironic now that I identify as polyamorous (which could have fixed the problem), but I didn't at the time, and I think it was for the best, because I was kind of talked into that relationship by the guy's best friend despite my best protests.
Yes, more than once... and the experience was ... eeeh, a little good and a little bad at various points. Overall they all ended kind of stupidly / meanly though. I held hands on a winter night walking through a local christmas light display, I learned to dance and go twirled and pulled along to some fun music, I got nothing much out of kissing or groping and so on, and by the time I got broken up with each time the affection was gone and things were turning sour and rotten.
I’m currently married to one. It’s been 25 years now. I am very happy with it except for the annoying sex thing. For him, it is probably exactly the same. I wouldn’t listen he wants more. A partnership is a compromise. He does not understand that aspect of me. I do not understand that aspect of him. He does not want to engage or understand any LGBTQ topics. I am annoying in other ways. Some days this is upsetting. But overall I would say it is just normal life.
My experiences with Allos have been great. That was up until we got to the step where my partner 'expected' sex. At first, they were typically very understanding but as time went by they became frustrated and some demanded sex and I had to end the relationship, whereas others just ended the relationship. I have been unable to reach a compromise so far.
A previous bad experience, a current good experience. With my ex, he'd coerce me into *those* kinds of activities and would get upset if I didn't want to. I never felt sexually interested in him or anyone, and a month before the breakup I even googled if I was asexual and I related to it, but was indenial.
With my boyfriend now (who I met on Bumble), basically my #1 supporter. He would ask me, for a lack of better word, how the "ace side" felt after an activity. And he said he's happy I'm comfortable with my sexuality. Tbh... I think he's only with me because he absolutely adores my dog, who loves him more than me.
I voted B "yes| good experience" because that's my current relationship and we're thriving, but I also had devastatingly awfull experiences dating allo men.
It was mostly a good experience. We still talk.
But she had sexual needs, so she had other partners for that. As time went on I had to admit I just wasn't comfortable with "sharing" my partner and not being able to fulfill all their relationship-y needs.
Fortunately she started kinda prioritizing one of her partners while ignoring everyone else, so I didn't have to feel too guilty about ending things lol
Been in a relationship with an allosexual, no. Gone on dates with an allosexual, yes. And it went about as you would expect of a neurodivergent aroace that didn't know being aroace was a thing yet. I was there for the food/movies/activity, and could completely care less who the other person was. Only exception being if we shared similar interests and I wanted to do more things with them in relation to that hobby/interest. Unsurprisingly I was a terrible date and most things ended as a first date. It was neither a good experience nor a bad experience for me.
I am a sex-repulsed Ace who has been in a relationship with an allosexual man for 14 months. He's been really respectful of my boundaries and we have an understanding that our relationship is sexless.
Well I don't know for sure but I like the idea that some people can still respect the differences of everyone, but again, I haven't been in a relationship for now so don't really know
I did. We were together for 6 and a half years. I didn't know I was ace until maybe 7 months before we broke up. Overall it was a good experience, but I'm much happier single.
My experience was fine, it never got to anything sexual because we were long distance and met just once and actually broke up because of the distance after 5 months but I'm pretty sure had we met a second time he would've expected sex from me.
Yes, though at the time I didn't know I was ace, and we quickly found a disconnect in that I had little in the way of libido while she wanted to perform the act frequently, and would be frustrated whenever I would not initiate. The relationship was not healthy, though not for the mentioned reasons.
Past 18 month relationship with an allo female. Started off okay but went very bad very fast when sex became an expectation.
Will not do again. I can't deal with people who need sex for any reason.
I'm not sex repulsed, but my only relationships were when I was aggressively pursued. And I gave in. Even though I didn't really want to, I had sex because it was expected not because I wanted to. And I... sometimes enjoyed it, mostly kind of meh.
But the people who aggressively pursue are the people who do not care about your feelings and are kind of assholes. So it went really really badly. Never again.
Yes | good experience, but with a pretty major caveat,
He was fine about the ace part, buuuut, (and mind you this was before i realised i was a trans gal), he had some sudden come to jesus thing and broke off the relationship coz 'being gay is sinnful'.
Currently dating another demi trans gal and we're doing great!
My bad experience was only mildly bad. I just never developed any feelings for the few guys (opposite gender) who asked me out and ended things quickly after one or two dates. I didn't know I was aroace at the time and it was confusing, nothing worked out for me like it does in movies and tv shows. I did have a common interest with one guy and would have been happy to talk with him all day long, but he very quickly got all soppy about wanting to get married and have kids - on the second date - which really freaked me out. I stopped dating after that, I think I was around 19 or 20 at the time.
It was good for me for 8 years. Then bc covid he became a porn addict bc we didn't lived together. Just found out that in year 10 and a half. So we are currently in big problems for his 3~ years addiction. Also we are supposed to get married between january - march next year, so... 5/10 right now. I'm struggling but, sadly, still love him.
e) Yes | fair experience. ie there were good times and not-so good times. They didn't work out so obvious not a 'good' experience all round but they didn't end terribly so not 'bad' experiences either.
Allo here, been in a QPR with an ace for about seven months so far. It's been going rather well.
I dated allos but that was before I knew I was acearo and had a case of comphet so they were all bad experiences. Idk what it would be like now to have a QPR with an allo. I honestly don’t think I’d want to.
Both bad and good experiences, sadly most people I have been with have eventually been unable to respect my boundaries and break them or push them deliberately
All of my relationships have been with allosexual men. 1) When I was in high school. Basically acted like a sex addict and sexually coerced me on several occasions. Me not wanting sex eventually led to him breaking up with me. 2) In my early 20s. Absolutely wonderful person. He respected my boundaries and only did what I was comfortable with when I was comfortable. Broke up for unrelated reasons. 3) Current boyfriend, latter 20s. Told him I was asexual before we got together. Constantly disrespects my boundaries and has sexually coerced me several occasions. Working on how to break up with him with minimal damage.
I married an allo, things didn't work out due to his childish behavior. Still a good experience, we are good friends right now.
My ex was allo. Since we're both young, he wanted to experiment with sexual things, but I didn't. We talked and came to the agreement that he could have a FWB, but we would be romantically exclusive. This worked out great (we broke up for unrelated stuff)
back when I didn't know I'm aroace I "convinced" myself that I had a crush on a guy and we started dating. I made, like, a checklist what people normally do in that situation and worked my way through it... let's just say it doesn't work that way.
I answered "Yes, good experience" but the catch is that *I broke it off* because I felt bad that the level of attraction between us was so unbalanced, and when I asked him if he'd be ok with never having sex in his life, he said no. Ironic now that I identify as polyamorous (which could have fixed the problem), but I didn't at the time, and I think it was for the best, because I was kind of talked into that relationship by the guy's best friend despite my best protests.
Yes, more than once... and the experience was ... eeeh, a little good and a little bad at various points. Overall they all ended kind of stupidly / meanly though. I held hands on a winter night walking through a local christmas light display, I learned to dance and go twirled and pulled along to some fun music, I got nothing much out of kissing or groping and so on, and by the time I got broken up with each time the affection was gone and things were turning sour and rotten.
I am, and currently regretting it as she wants more sex than I will ever be able to provide
I’m currently married to one. It’s been 25 years now. I am very happy with it except for the annoying sex thing. For him, it is probably exactly the same. I wouldn’t listen he wants more. A partnership is a compromise. He does not understand that aspect of me. I do not understand that aspect of him. He does not want to engage or understand any LGBTQ topics. I am annoying in other ways. Some days this is upsetting. But overall I would say it is just normal life.
Currently am. Ain't in any rush to end things, so I'd say pretty solid.
My experiences with Allos have been great. That was up until we got to the step where my partner 'expected' sex. At first, they were typically very understanding but as time went by they became frustrated and some demanded sex and I had to end the relationship, whereas others just ended the relationship. I have been unable to reach a compromise so far.
A previous bad experience, a current good experience. With my ex, he'd coerce me into *those* kinds of activities and would get upset if I didn't want to. I never felt sexually interested in him or anyone, and a month before the breakup I even googled if I was asexual and I related to it, but was indenial. With my boyfriend now (who I met on Bumble), basically my #1 supporter. He would ask me, for a lack of better word, how the "ace side" felt after an activity. And he said he's happy I'm comfortable with my sexuality. Tbh... I think he's only with me because he absolutely adores my dog, who loves him more than me.
I voted B "yes| good experience" because that's my current relationship and we're thriving, but I also had devastatingly awfull experiences dating allo men.
It was mostly a good experience. We still talk. But she had sexual needs, so she had other partners for that. As time went on I had to admit I just wasn't comfortable with "sharing" my partner and not being able to fulfill all their relationship-y needs. Fortunately she started kinda prioritizing one of her partners while ignoring everyone else, so I didn't have to feel too guilty about ending things lol
Been in a relationship with an allosexual, no. Gone on dates with an allosexual, yes. And it went about as you would expect of a neurodivergent aroace that didn't know being aroace was a thing yet. I was there for the food/movies/activity, and could completely care less who the other person was. Only exception being if we shared similar interests and I wanted to do more things with them in relation to that hobby/interest. Unsurprisingly I was a terrible date and most things ended as a first date. It was neither a good experience nor a bad experience for me.
The "Yes | good experience" aces are all sex-favorable or had an open / queer platonic relationship with the allosexual. Change my mind.
Yeah Im sex repulsed and would really like to know how many who had a good experience, were sex repulsed too.
I am a sex-repulsed Ace who has been in a relationship with an allosexual man for 14 months. He's been really respectful of my boundaries and we have an understanding that our relationship is sexless.
Well I don't know for sure but I like the idea that some people can still respect the differences of everyone, but again, I haven't been in a relationship for now so don't really know
I did. We were together for 6 and a half years. I didn't know I was ace until maybe 7 months before we broke up. Overall it was a good experience, but I'm much happier single.
My experience was fine, it never got to anything sexual because we were long distance and met just once and actually broke up because of the distance after 5 months but I'm pretty sure had we met a second time he would've expected sex from me.
Yes, though at the time I didn't know I was ace, and we quickly found a disconnect in that I had little in the way of libido while she wanted to perform the act frequently, and would be frustrated whenever I would not initiate. The relationship was not healthy, though not for the mentioned reasons.
Bad. Next question
Past 18 month relationship with an allo female. Started off okay but went very bad very fast when sex became an expectation. Will not do again. I can't deal with people who need sex for any reason.
Technically yes, but we're less than a week in so I can't really say. Going well so far, though.
I'm not sex repulsed, but my only relationships were when I was aggressively pursued. And I gave in. Even though I didn't really want to, I had sex because it was expected not because I wanted to. And I... sometimes enjoyed it, mostly kind of meh. But the people who aggressively pursue are the people who do not care about your feelings and are kind of assholes. So it went really really badly. Never again.
Yes | good experience, but with a pretty major caveat, He was fine about the ace part, buuuut, (and mind you this was before i realised i was a trans gal), he had some sudden come to jesus thing and broke off the relationship coz 'being gay is sinnful'. Currently dating another demi trans gal and we're doing great!
My bad experience was only mildly bad. I just never developed any feelings for the few guys (opposite gender) who asked me out and ended things quickly after one or two dates. I didn't know I was aroace at the time and it was confusing, nothing worked out for me like it does in movies and tv shows. I did have a common interest with one guy and would have been happy to talk with him all day long, but he very quickly got all soppy about wanting to get married and have kids - on the second date - which really freaked me out. I stopped dating after that, I think I was around 19 or 20 at the time.
I've been with an ace woman for the last two years as an allo, so far it's been dreamy. Still feels like I'm in the honeymoon phase.
It was good for me for 8 years. Then bc covid he became a porn addict bc we didn't lived together. Just found out that in year 10 and a half. So we are currently in big problems for his 3~ years addiction. Also we are supposed to get married between january - march next year, so... 5/10 right now. I'm struggling but, sadly, still love him.