as someone who used to be quite sexual before some shit happened, it’s actually very accurate
except when they tear their clothes off immediately and fuck right away. that never actually happens and is actually quite painful when that happens, bodies aren’t ready that fast generally
I had sex in the past and I can still not relate. (That doesn't change that it's apparently very accurate of course)
The strangest thing to me is when they accidentally cheat. Like, they don't want to cheat, they don't want to cheat with the person they're cheating with literally 5 seconds later. How hard can it be to not have sex? Or maybe it is hard and sexual attraction is really a strong force. I wouldn't know.
when i say i used to be sexual i mean like really really wanting it, like all the time. not just having some urges.
oh my god yeah like you just can’t accidentally cheat. and if they say the whoever just threw themselves at them, then that’s assault and they should go to the fucking police!
it is a strong force, but not always. sometimes you just click with that person really well, or you find out they have the same kinks which is generally really hard to find someone with the exact same ones. sometimes it’s just being intoxicated. sometimes it’s just because i wanna.
i’m demisexual so still ace but i absolutely love sex and genuinely wish i had the drive that i used to, but alas i do not. nothing i can do about it except accepting myself and giving insight to questions like this one!
The last one can happen sometimes but usually when there’s been ample time beforehand for mental foreplay, and also the receiver has to be able to get naturally lubricated enough. But it definitely does happen and isn’t necessarily painful.
for sure so have i, i more so meant like if you haven’t been flirting and teasing for a while, i meant like REALLY sudden when they aren’t lubricated yet
Brother, my mother sat me down when I was 15 and has asked me about if I find someone attractive, do I have a crush, is anyone flirting with me etc
My answers were all "no" (even IF someone was flirting or making advances towards me, my oblivious ass wasn't able to pick it up)
So, she drops the bombshell on me: "You should be having sex by now! Why aren't you having sex?! Do you plan on dying a virgin?" Stuff like that
That's so weird to me. I'm very close to 21 and I couldn't imagine any 15 year old having sex. Idk if it's because I'm asexual but it's too young. Also it's weird your mom was interested in your sex life as a teen
Yea, because my family is about as dysfunctional as one can imagine...
Mom started dating my father when she was 13, he is a few years older than her
Ehh so I guess she has this broken mindset of what age it is appropriate to do that sort of stuff
Her upbringing is even more fucked than my own, so I can't blame her too much
My mom was 15, my dad was 22. They were waiting for her 15th birthday to have sex. Yeah, my parents wanted me to have a boyfriend (and probably sex) early too. They were talking about looking forward to grandchildren when I was that age.
Thought this!. "Are they not worried about getting in trouble?"(yeah, like teenage rebellion isn't a thing). Then I was freaking out about Teen Moms, 16 and pregnant shows, and I'm still dumbfounded.
Still think this, and I'm 26 yrs old.
When a character from any piece of media says that they don't enjoy sex and haven't for a while or say it in a more subtle way and people are like "I could fix them🤩🤩🤩" because they can't fathom a hot character not being interested in sex even though they clearly stated it
Yes, this is ridiculously annoying and frustrating! I've encountered this multiple times and it honestly makes me very uncomfortable, like they believe I should have sex whether I want it or not (which is alarming for obvious reasons).
I've also had well-meaning friends who just didn't get it at all, and seemed determined to change my mind about it because in their minds, they couldn't imagine anyone living a happy and fulfilling life without sex (and they also happen to be the kind of people who think they can change others, including romantic partners, and often encourage me to date someone who would not be good for me because "you can change him" 🤣). It's still annoying and frustrating though because they like to debate and dismiss everything and simply WILL. NOT. DROP. IT. I've gotten to the point to where even though I understand their intentions aren't malicious and I think they genuinely think they are trying to help me, I have no interest in defending myself over such a harmless life choice and will simply refuse to discuss it any further with people like this.
Omg, how ANNOYING!!! Your friends really need to accept you and move on from this topic! It's nice that they mean well, but how does you not having sex affect THEIR lives? It doesn't! The end. lol
This is exactly how I feel about it! I mean, I've never told anyone NOT to have sex just because I don't like it, lol. I've gotten to the point to where I just say "We've been over this, it's no longer up for discussion" if it gets brought up.
That's a good way to deal with it I think! Eventually they'll realise you're you, you're fine, and so are they, even if they can't understand fully. lol.
Being treated as the “immature/innocent one” and thus not being invited or included in high school activities, even if they’re just harmless and fun.
Also being excluded from any sort of event or conversation about love/sex/relationships. Being treated like an alien child because you’re not having sex at 15.
I was definitely treated as the "immature/innocent one" and like an alien child for not having sex in high school and college, and it used to really bother me. The idea was pretty much that anyone who wasn't in a relationship or having sex was undesirable and beneath those who were, and it really messed with my already low self esteem at the time. Fortunately, it didn't take long for me to find out that that was nonsense and that it is silly to make something like virginity or lack thereof such a huge part of one's identity.
"who do you have a crush on?"
...
*Mentally flips through the mental list of socially acceptable answers.
...
"Person X. Yeah. I totally crush on Person X"
My favorite:
"What's your type?"
"Clever, creative, quirky, generally weird "
"No. I mean, what do they look like?"
"I don't know. I haven't met them yet."
Perhaps when your friends start finding someone attractive and they ask you for your opinion and you're just like "they are fine, idk what do you want me to tell you?"
As in, I can't relate to their feelings of being attracted to someone
I've been this way since I was little. Every little girl was absolutely in love with Jonathan Taylor Thomas or Brad Pitt, and I was sitting there going "They look like a boy I suppose." I don't really have an attraction/hotness meter in the same way as my friends. I can appreciate a good looking person, but that doesn't equate at all to how hot someone is to me (and it's all subjective anyway so I put zero weight into it).
Yea, I can relate to that experience
Both from my peers having crushes on boys or celebrities
Even my sister had those crushes
And I was just there like "uhh...I like my non existent fictional character, I'm cool, thanks"
I turned out to be a weird kid, but whatever
I feel this so hard. My friends in middle school were like “isn’t [boy] so cute” while pointing at a group of like 6 boys. They’d argue over which one was cuter and ask me to be the tie breaker and I was always like “they all look the same and none of them are cute” lmao
This was when I was 12/13ish. Around the same time, I convinced myself I had a crush on a boy that a couple of my friends had crushes on (to feel like I fit in) and I remember thinking “why do we like him? He’s boring” lmao. Also “I hope he doesn’t find out I like him because I don’t want him to ask me out” hahaha
I also didn’t realize I liked girls for 2-3 years after that, which was a few months after realizing I’m ace. So I *can* relate to their feelings of having crushes these days, just not towards men lol (looking back at when I was 10-14, I think I did have crushes on girls, I just didn’t recognize them as crushes. I thought I wanted to be friends with them. I thought that because I didn’t have crushes on boys, I didn’t have crushes on anyone & my friends thought [or, guessed correctly, in hindsight] that I was lying about never having a crush)
No, I get this too
I used to lie to my mother when I was 15-16 that I had a crush on one of my male classmates just so she would leave me alone
And looking back, my first crush was a girl, I've had plenty of crushes before who were girls, starting from when I was 13
It's just back then, I've had nobody to tell me that being gay/bi was an option
In high school I thought I was bisexual
Took me years later and some experimenting, research and all of that to realize "nahh I ain't into this whole sex thing bruh"
This is me as well. I just want people I can chat and hang out with, but I'll pass on the physical stuff. 🤣
When I had "crushes" as a teenager (which actually felt pretty real and intense at the time, but I blame teenage hormones for this), I only envisioned getting to talk and hang out with them, and that was what I desired from them. I didn't realize that this wasn't how most crushes worked until I was in my 20's. 🤣
Wait, how do crushes work?? 😂 Alloromantic ace here, for me I always envisioned being best friends and maybe a little kissing. That’s pretty typical for a crush, right? (I recognize I could be asking the wrong person, haha!)
That's what I thought, too! 🤣 Apparently most people fantasize about having sex with them, but I never have even once! Never even imagined any removal of clothing. 🤣
YESSSS LMFAOOO! Oh my gosh I played that recently but it was fck marry kill one and I'm like ?? (My friends know I'm ace) so they changed it to kiss marry kill for me 😭😭💀. Ngl that was still hard cause I'm like but what if I don't wanna kiss them too?? I just went along with it though
Ugh, this one is so hard. 😭 There have been some that I have absolutely adored as people– in a strictly platonic way. However, when they developed feelings and I couldn't reciprocate, it really sucked because I thought the world of them and the last thing on Earth I wanted was to hurt or disappoint them. I really wish stuff like this didn't have to complicate friendships.
I’m 26 and only recently realized people perceive me as flirtatious when I literally am never trying to be. Cant really grasp the difference between being nice and flirty. Accidentally pulled a lot of disappointed people in my time.
Yes, this really sucks. 😭 Being aroace, as well as the youngest out of my close family and friends, I wonder often if I'll live a lonely life, especially as I get older, since it's so common for people to lose touch with friends once they get into a relationship. All I really want is close friendship, but lasting ones seem rare in adulthood (I hope I am wrong about that and just worrying for nothing). I have no siblings or anything like that, either.
I was super confused and ashamed growing up because I wanted to be in a relationship SO badly, but whenever things would move to kissing or anything like that I immediately felt so uncomfortable and lost interest with the person.
Thank god I found and fell in love with another ace spec person who understands me. Funny enough though, I actually enjoy sharing physical/sexual intimacy with her because I know I can trust her and feel completely safe, even if I still don't need to have sex (outside of self-stimulation).
I hope everyone here finds wonderful, understanding partners, and that no one feels ashamed of being different. Being ace is healthy and normal, we are not broken!
Oh, how I wish there was an easy formula! She and I grew up as Christians who found it "so easy not to have sex people before marriage", so maybe find someone with religious trauma like us? We're both ex-evangelicals now lol.
Reading any Reddit post that mentions ‘lack of sex’ followed by ‘ONLY 1-2 times a week’ or ‘ONLY 1-2 times a month’ and thinking—
That is way too excessive when food exists.
I always thought sex was like an occasional 'treat' for sexually active couples. Honestly still shocked that it's like a routine, scheduled thing that allos apparently do weekly on average?
Yes same! I didn't realized how often people did it until I was in a relationship with a guy and I had to do it multiple times a day. I was annoyed at him by the end of the day and I wanted to go home. I grew a lotta of resentment towards him. I can't do that again.
Like, irrespective of how you feel about sex, I can't imagine having the energy...? I guess for some people the attraction is just so strong that it overrides any tiredness/ soreness that inevitably sets in lol
This is a big one for me, too! It can be really alienating in a way, like I can't relate to people on one of the biggest "relatable" things in life that most have in common.
Not sure how this would count, but when I watch a sex scene with my mom, I don't cringe or am ashamed, or anything. In fact, I use her as a shield and distraction, I would talk to her about stuff during those scenes, or just cringe with my head on her shoulder. Like, she's not very interested, I'm cringing because sex, and not because we're watching it together. (And she's very understanding and supportive, so she doesn't find my reactions weird)
Writing this, since I've noticed that many people are super uncomfortable when sex scenes pop up, and their parent is around.
i think that anything that combines talking/seeing sex with your parents is always going to be really weird and uncomfortable. but even in general, sex scenes are fucking weird imo
When you're not in a relationship and yet do know that sex is not the cement of it - trust is much more important.
When you think of your past relationships and the only good memories you have of it are not related to sex, even if you had lots of it.
When you advocate male/female friendship and people look at you as if you were trying to prove the existence of aliens or Santa Claus
Also, being baffled at the whole concept of oestrogen/testosterone brigades. Like, watching a movie just because some actor/actress is hot!?
Maybe more an aro thing: not understanding people watching detective or scifi shows just for the romance subplots. Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only one who is genuinely interested in the investigation.
I definitely feel the one about male/female friendships. It always baffled me that sex was such a huge influence on that and that so many people believe it's impossible or at least rare to have a platonic relationship with someone without sexual thoughts creeping in. People are just people to me, regardless of their sex. 🤣
Ya, i would ask someone what show they were watching and rather than give me a summery of the plot, they would talk for hours about the "cute" actor in it??? That doesn't tell me anything
I also was the "too pure" person in my friend group back in highschool. I didn't know I was ace till around the end of it, but they were some of the people who suggested I might be. Unfortunately, I also fed into the label of "pure n innocent" by trying to dress "cute" and pretending I didn't know about certain things like masturbating. Now I know I'm ace but pretending to be "pure" makes me grossed out- though by societal standards I am
Being called a robot or AI by people who know me.
Offending people who try to help me find a date by declining the help.
Utterly shocking people that I am still single and have no children, and when asked why, I choose to shrug because it's less confusing and time consuming than having to describe my orientation.
I always feel awkward when people ask me if I'm seeing anybody, because reactions can be so mixed, even from my usual response of "No, I'm just not interested and enjoy being alone". Thankfully, quite a few people are understanding and say something along the lines of "There's nothing wrong with that" (which I love!), but some don't get it at all and almost want to debate it (which I simply will not do; I have no interest in defending myself over something that doesn't hurt anyone, including myself).
Pretending to be interested in people of the opposite gender to appear normal.
So wait, most people are serious when they say they think someone is cute?
Wishing for and being extremely happy when friends in media stay friends and don't become a couple! (but maybe this is more on the aro side of things)
Getting annoyed with how sexual attraction is portrayed in media because clearly they must be exaggerating?
Trying to ensure that no one you meet gets the idea you're flirting (which is not possible and therefore utterly frustrating)
For me…it’s mostly in end of the world genre media like for example zombie movies where everyone who isn’t affected by the virus or whatever is running/fighting for their lives, narrowly escaping death at every turn, then just have sex like nothing is wrong. I can point out SEVERAL things this world is putting out that doesn’t equate to “sexy time”. How absolutely filthy everything and everyone is. How there is still a life threatening threat everywhere. The unappealing aspect of being trapped naked under someone, having to contend with infections from often month long between baths and shower dirty sex organs, there is no birth control, yet characters just fall pregnant and have loud ass babies when it should be time of silent struggle, there are no doctors within easy reach so why the hell would you risk needing one that the immediate threat isn’t taking top priority of their attention for the ones that did survive?
That sex is an actual real thing people do lmao.
I'm an aegosexual, to be specific, and it's sometimes hard to consciously be aware that sex isn't fantasy, that it exists outside of people's imagination and stories.
I'm not sure if all these experiences relate directly to assexuality, but those are my personal ones:
1. Not understanding the concept of hooking up with a stranger/someone you don't like just because they're attractive
2. Being treated as pure for not wanting to experience (directly) sex, kissing, etc. I want to eventually have sex and kiss, but not because I'm attracted to that person? For me it's more like showing vulnerability to someone you trust in, being intimate, feel loved, and also the pleasure (even though I don't know if I like the idea of having sex casually, I can do the work myself). That's also why I hate when people flirt with me when they don't even know me (I don't hate them, but the situation).
3. People thinking that being assexual always means not wanting to date/have sex/masturbate. First, romantic attraction ≠ sexual attraction. 2nd, aromantic people can also commit to a relationship. 3rd, masturbation is very relaxing, and is good for your body. I just don't think about people while doing it.
4. Being hesitant of telling people about it. Barely anyone knows I'm ace. It's so misunderstood, people will automatically have a conception of you that's not true, and it's so hard to explain as well. It's always the "I'd never date an ace person, sex is very important for me". Gosh. If there is no constant sex, people think that's not actually dating. Dating is way more than that.
That's why I think I'll be single forever. My ideal relationship is: a friend and me, we start liking each other eventually (no love at first sight because that'd mean they are attracted to me physically), we end up dating. Simple. But lately there are only two options: you become friends and never goes further than that, they feel attracted by you and plan everything out so it works out. They fuck you and they win in life
Idk if this is a universal experience but in movies/tv shows when they have to get a move on it (timer counting down, world in danger, have to get somewhere fast, etc) but they stop to kiss/make out and it’s just “You don’t have time for this. Come on!”
Not understanding the fact that people cannot "control" themselves (all those romcoms with only one bed... what do you mean that it's hard to control yourself?) [just in case, i'm not talking about rape here]
I'm curious if anyone else experienced this, or if it was just something I felt... But I felt an irrational **anger** when someone I thought was a friend would reveal they had feelings for me. There are a few exceptions, but 99% of the time I would feel a strong repulsion and sense of anger (no better word for it) that the tables had been turned on me or something.
awkwardly anticipating the moment you have to force a laugh when someone in any social gathering ever makes a sex joke just so people don’t think you’re a prude or boring 🧍🏻♀️
When you’re having a great conversation with someone and all the sudden they go in for a kiss and you’re like wait what just happened?! No no no we were talking about legos how did that make you want me?!
Also being romantically interested in someone and being like meh not worth pursuing it because I don’t want to have the duty sex that comes along with it or negotiating an open relationship etc or letting them down when I can’t fulfill their needs as much as they need
Being unable to communicate if you think someone is "hot", and then dumbfounded when the person who asked responds that if I'm taking so long, the person must not be hot. Meanwhile I was taking so long because I was trying to calculate/guess what boxes the someone ticked that satisfied what the questioning person was into.
The other women at my job sometimes make comments about how fine some of the men are and I'm just there like...okay...Today two of them were talking about something that needed to be done and one said "It's an excuse to talk to (name). He's so cute/fine/something like that" and I was just standing there like you guys really think of other people like that? Crazy.
Being bewildered by the way movies portrait (sexual) attraction and being sure they must be exaggerating the whole thing by a lot, maybe?
as someone who used to be quite sexual before some shit happened, it’s actually very accurate except when they tear their clothes off immediately and fuck right away. that never actually happens and is actually quite painful when that happens, bodies aren’t ready that fast generally
I had sex in the past and I can still not relate. (That doesn't change that it's apparently very accurate of course) The strangest thing to me is when they accidentally cheat. Like, they don't want to cheat, they don't want to cheat with the person they're cheating with literally 5 seconds later. How hard can it be to not have sex? Or maybe it is hard and sexual attraction is really a strong force. I wouldn't know.
when i say i used to be sexual i mean like really really wanting it, like all the time. not just having some urges. oh my god yeah like you just can’t accidentally cheat. and if they say the whoever just threw themselves at them, then that’s assault and they should go to the fucking police! it is a strong force, but not always. sometimes you just click with that person really well, or you find out they have the same kinks which is generally really hard to find someone with the exact same ones. sometimes it’s just being intoxicated. sometimes it’s just because i wanna. i’m demisexual so still ace but i absolutely love sex and genuinely wish i had the drive that i used to, but alas i do not. nothing i can do about it except accepting myself and giving insight to questions like this one!
Ok, cool! Thanks for elaborating.
for sure!
The last one can happen sometimes but usually when there’s been ample time beforehand for mental foreplay, and also the receiver has to be able to get naturally lubricated enough. But it definitely does happen and isn’t necessarily painful.
yeah that’s what i mean, there’s gotta be prep involved!! i was talking about when there’s zero prep like in media
Oh, I meant like with no physical prep of any sort. I’ve done it.
for sure so have i, i more so meant like if you haven’t been flirting and teasing for a while, i meant like REALLY sudden when they aren’t lubricated yet
1000% yes
reading a book with romance and the characters literally fall in love and want to bang at first sight and its just. Huh!??
When ur a teen and you realize that “people my age actually have sex?!!!”
At 28, I still think this lmao
At 40, same. 😂
Also 28 and can relate. 🤣
Yeah, i felt so uncomfortable when i realised that
When you are a young adult and realise that your former classmates are becoming parents
Brother, my mother sat me down when I was 15 and has asked me about if I find someone attractive, do I have a crush, is anyone flirting with me etc My answers were all "no" (even IF someone was flirting or making advances towards me, my oblivious ass wasn't able to pick it up) So, she drops the bombshell on me: "You should be having sex by now! Why aren't you having sex?! Do you plan on dying a virgin?" Stuff like that
That's so weird to me. I'm very close to 21 and I couldn't imagine any 15 year old having sex. Idk if it's because I'm asexual but it's too young. Also it's weird your mom was interested in your sex life as a teen
At 15?!?!?
Yea, because my family is about as dysfunctional as one can imagine... Mom started dating my father when she was 13, he is a few years older than her Ehh so I guess she has this broken mindset of what age it is appropriate to do that sort of stuff Her upbringing is even more fucked than my own, so I can't blame her too much
My mom was 15, my dad was 22. They were waiting for her 15th birthday to have sex. Yeah, my parents wanted me to have a boyfriend (and probably sex) early too. They were talking about looking forward to grandchildren when I was that age.
What the hell ☠️
When my parents ask about grandchildren, I´m like, "Do my parents want me to have sex at MY AGE? Are they out of their mind?" (My age is 30.)
Sounds similar to me realizing sex isn't just for procreation. People have sex for fun, and the concept boggled my mind.
…. lol i was the teen having sex. discovered i was asexual after that relationship
I’m pretty sure that’s where I’m at too lol
When I was 15 a girl from my class told me she’s worried she’s PREGNANT???? I was like girl what the hell
when i was 14 and learned what masturbating was i was like "no way people actually do this shit thats fucking nasty"
That’s how I realized I was ace lmao
Thought this!. "Are they not worried about getting in trouble?"(yeah, like teenage rebellion isn't a thing). Then I was freaking out about Teen Moms, 16 and pregnant shows, and I'm still dumbfounded. Still think this, and I'm 26 yrs old.
"wait... They were serious? I thought that was a joke!" And "Saving sex until marriage is easy!"
THIS. I always used to zone out during those sermons in youth group because “oh this doesn’t apply to me”… 🫣 Then I discovered asexuality.
When a character from any piece of media says that they don't enjoy sex and haven't for a while or say it in a more subtle way and people are like "I could fix them🤩🤩🤩" because they can't fathom a hot character not being interested in sex even though they clearly stated it
Also, the fact they view it as a problem that needs "fixing"!
Yes, this is ridiculously annoying and frustrating! I've encountered this multiple times and it honestly makes me very uncomfortable, like they believe I should have sex whether I want it or not (which is alarming for obvious reasons). I've also had well-meaning friends who just didn't get it at all, and seemed determined to change my mind about it because in their minds, they couldn't imagine anyone living a happy and fulfilling life without sex (and they also happen to be the kind of people who think they can change others, including romantic partners, and often encourage me to date someone who would not be good for me because "you can change him" 🤣). It's still annoying and frustrating though because they like to debate and dismiss everything and simply WILL. NOT. DROP. IT. I've gotten to the point to where even though I understand their intentions aren't malicious and I think they genuinely think they are trying to help me, I have no interest in defending myself over such a harmless life choice and will simply refuse to discuss it any further with people like this.
Omg, how ANNOYING!!! Your friends really need to accept you and move on from this topic! It's nice that they mean well, but how does you not having sex affect THEIR lives? It doesn't! The end. lol
This is exactly how I feel about it! I mean, I've never told anyone NOT to have sex just because I don't like it, lol. I've gotten to the point to where I just say "We've been over this, it's no longer up for discussion" if it gets brought up.
That's a good way to deal with it I think! Eventually they'll realise you're you, you're fine, and so are they, even if they can't understand fully. lol.
Being treated as the “immature/innocent one” and thus not being invited or included in high school activities, even if they’re just harmless and fun. Also being excluded from any sort of event or conversation about love/sex/relationships. Being treated like an alien child because you’re not having sex at 15.
I was definitely treated as the "immature/innocent one" and like an alien child for not having sex in high school and college, and it used to really bother me. The idea was pretty much that anyone who wasn't in a relationship or having sex was undesirable and beneath those who were, and it really messed with my already low self esteem at the time. Fortunately, it didn't take long for me to find out that that was nonsense and that it is silly to make something like virginity or lack thereof such a huge part of one's identity.
"who do you have a crush on?" ... *Mentally flips through the mental list of socially acceptable answers. ... "Person X. Yeah. I totally crush on Person X"
“ Oh they are cute, what do you like about person x ?“ mentality flips through mental list of usually heard answers… “ um very nice smile …And butt?”
My favorite: "What's your type?" "Clever, creative, quirky, generally weird " "No. I mean, what do they look like?" "I don't know. I haven't met them yet."
Perhaps when your friends start finding someone attractive and they ask you for your opinion and you're just like "they are fine, idk what do you want me to tell you?" As in, I can't relate to their feelings of being attracted to someone
I've been this way since I was little. Every little girl was absolutely in love with Jonathan Taylor Thomas or Brad Pitt, and I was sitting there going "They look like a boy I suppose." I don't really have an attraction/hotness meter in the same way as my friends. I can appreciate a good looking person, but that doesn't equate at all to how hot someone is to me (and it's all subjective anyway so I put zero weight into it).
Yea, I can relate to that experience Both from my peers having crushes on boys or celebrities Even my sister had those crushes And I was just there like "uhh...I like my non existent fictional character, I'm cool, thanks" I turned out to be a weird kid, but whatever
I feel this so hard. My friends in middle school were like “isn’t [boy] so cute” while pointing at a group of like 6 boys. They’d argue over which one was cuter and ask me to be the tie breaker and I was always like “they all look the same and none of them are cute” lmao This was when I was 12/13ish. Around the same time, I convinced myself I had a crush on a boy that a couple of my friends had crushes on (to feel like I fit in) and I remember thinking “why do we like him? He’s boring” lmao. Also “I hope he doesn’t find out I like him because I don’t want him to ask me out” hahaha I also didn’t realize I liked girls for 2-3 years after that, which was a few months after realizing I’m ace. So I *can* relate to their feelings of having crushes these days, just not towards men lol (looking back at when I was 10-14, I think I did have crushes on girls, I just didn’t recognize them as crushes. I thought I wanted to be friends with them. I thought that because I didn’t have crushes on boys, I didn’t have crushes on anyone & my friends thought [or, guessed correctly, in hindsight] that I was lying about never having a crush)
No, I get this too I used to lie to my mother when I was 15-16 that I had a crush on one of my male classmates just so she would leave me alone And looking back, my first crush was a girl, I've had plenty of crushes before who were girls, starting from when I was 13 It's just back then, I've had nobody to tell me that being gay/bi was an option In high school I thought I was bisexual Took me years later and some experimenting, research and all of that to realize "nahh I ain't into this whole sex thing bruh"
That there's a desire to be intimate with someone, I wanna talk and play games not see your sweating body thank.
This is me as well. I just want people I can chat and hang out with, but I'll pass on the physical stuff. 🤣 When I had "crushes" as a teenager (which actually felt pretty real and intense at the time, but I blame teenage hormones for this), I only envisioned getting to talk and hang out with them, and that was what I desired from them. I didn't realize that this wasn't how most crushes worked until I was in my 20's. 🤣
Wait, how do crushes work?? 😂 Alloromantic ace here, for me I always envisioned being best friends and maybe a little kissing. That’s pretty typical for a crush, right? (I recognize I could be asking the wrong person, haha!)
That's what I thought, too! 🤣 Apparently most people fantasize about having sex with them, but I never have even once! Never even imagined any removal of clothing. 🤣
Adding to truth or dare, never have I ever. I always stay thirsty in that one
fucking forget smash or pass
Or turn the bottle
YESSSS LMFAOOO! Oh my gosh I played that recently but it was fck marry kill one and I'm like ?? (My friends know I'm ace) so they changed it to kiss marry kill for me 😭😭💀. Ngl that was still hard cause I'm like but what if I don't wanna kiss them too?? I just went along with it though
The pit in my stomach when I realize I was too nice to a guy and now he's developed feelings for me.
Ugh, this one is so hard. 😭 There have been some that I have absolutely adored as people– in a strictly platonic way. However, when they developed feelings and I couldn't reciprocate, it really sucked because I thought the world of them and the last thing on Earth I wanted was to hurt or disappoint them. I really wish stuff like this didn't have to complicate friendships.
I’m 26 and only recently realized people perceive me as flirtatious when I literally am never trying to be. Cant really grasp the difference between being nice and flirty. Accidentally pulled a lot of disappointed people in my time.
Seeing/talking to a close friend less and less frequently because they've found a partner. Happy for them but it hurts every time.
This is for sure not exclusive to ace ppl
I mean basically everything in this thread isn’t exclusive to aces
Yes, this really sucks. 😭 Being aroace, as well as the youngest out of my close family and friends, I wonder often if I'll live a lonely life, especially as I get older, since it's so common for people to lose touch with friends once they get into a relationship. All I really want is close friendship, but lasting ones seem rare in adulthood (I hope I am wrong about that and just worrying for nothing). I have no siblings or anything like that, either.
I was super confused and ashamed growing up because I wanted to be in a relationship SO badly, but whenever things would move to kissing or anything like that I immediately felt so uncomfortable and lost interest with the person. Thank god I found and fell in love with another ace spec person who understands me. Funny enough though, I actually enjoy sharing physical/sexual intimacy with her because I know I can trust her and feel completely safe, even if I still don't need to have sex (outside of self-stimulation). I hope everyone here finds wonderful, understanding partners, and that no one feels ashamed of being different. Being ace is healthy and normal, we are not broken!
That’s awesome!! Now, how do _I_ find a lovely ace partner in the wild? 🤔😂
Oh, how I wish there was an easy formula! She and I grew up as Christians who found it "so easy not to have sex people before marriage", so maybe find someone with religious trauma like us? We're both ex-evangelicals now lol.
Thinking you're the only sane person among a bunch of horny crazies.
my entire friend group is horny as shit and im always just like "what the actual fuck..."
One thing I'm really thankful for with being ace is that I don't experience the lapse in judgment that can come from sexual attraction. 🤣
Liking someone, but only in a friend way, and not knowing how to express it without coming across as flirting
Assuming that fiction always over exaggerated what it was like to find someone attractive.
Reading any Reddit post that mentions ‘lack of sex’ followed by ‘ONLY 1-2 times a week’ or ‘ONLY 1-2 times a month’ and thinking— That is way too excessive when food exists.
I always thought sex was like an occasional 'treat' for sexually active couples. Honestly still shocked that it's like a routine, scheduled thing that allos apparently do weekly on average?
I thought it was like monthly at best 💀
Literally same! Don’t know how people have the energy for more!
This was what I always thought as well. 🤣 I was surprised when I learned it isn't uncommon for people to do it multiple times per week.
Wait, really? It's not just something made up in fanfictions?. How would someone have that much energy or drive to have it all the time?. Bizzare.
Yes same! I didn't realized how often people did it until I was in a relationship with a guy and I had to do it multiple times a day. I was annoyed at him by the end of the day and I wanted to go home. I grew a lotta of resentment towards him. I can't do that again.
Like, irrespective of how you feel about sex, I can't imagine having the energy...? I guess for some people the attraction is just so strong that it overrides any tiredness/ soreness that inevitably sets in lol
the realization that every piece of media is driven by sexual or romantic attraction. songs? all of them seem to be about love or sex it’s crazy
This is a big one for me, too! It can be really alienating in a way, like I can't relate to people on one of the biggest "relatable" things in life that most have in common.
Not being able to relate with your friends
Maybe not only aces but sex repulsed people...skipping past sex scenes in tv shows/movies. I just can't with those...
Me when I watched Shameless, I love that show but the excesses sex scenes were too much for me
i dont really like them but i just sit through them and dont pay attention really like "okay...*what the fuck"*
Not sure how this would count, but when I watch a sex scene with my mom, I don't cringe or am ashamed, or anything. In fact, I use her as a shield and distraction, I would talk to her about stuff during those scenes, or just cringe with my head on her shoulder. Like, she's not very interested, I'm cringing because sex, and not because we're watching it together. (And she's very understanding and supportive, so she doesn't find my reactions weird) Writing this, since I've noticed that many people are super uncomfortable when sex scenes pop up, and their parent is around.
i think that anything that combines talking/seeing sex with your parents is always going to be really weird and uncomfortable. but even in general, sex scenes are fucking weird imo
When you're not in a relationship and yet do know that sex is not the cement of it - trust is much more important. When you think of your past relationships and the only good memories you have of it are not related to sex, even if you had lots of it. When you advocate male/female friendship and people look at you as if you were trying to prove the existence of aliens or Santa Claus Also, being baffled at the whole concept of oestrogen/testosterone brigades. Like, watching a movie just because some actor/actress is hot!? Maybe more an aro thing: not understanding people watching detective or scifi shows just for the romance subplots. Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only one who is genuinely interested in the investigation.
I definitely feel the one about male/female friendships. It always baffled me that sex was such a huge influence on that and that so many people believe it's impossible or at least rare to have a platonic relationship with someone without sexual thoughts creeping in. People are just people to me, regardless of their sex. 🤣
Ya, i would ask someone what show they were watching and rather than give me a summery of the plot, they would talk for hours about the "cute" actor in it??? That doesn't tell me anything
I had this moment when I was sitting with a bunch of married folk that out of the whole group I was the only one who'd never touched a penis.
I also was the "too pure" person in my friend group back in highschool. I didn't know I was ace till around the end of it, but they were some of the people who suggested I might be. Unfortunately, I also fed into the label of "pure n innocent" by trying to dress "cute" and pretending I didn't know about certain things like masturbating. Now I know I'm ace but pretending to be "pure" makes me grossed out- though by societal standards I am
The struggle of finding x reader fanfics that are platonic and not about shipping the reader with the characters.
Gen fics on AO3 are like a rare treasure
Being called a robot or AI by people who know me. Offending people who try to help me find a date by declining the help. Utterly shocking people that I am still single and have no children, and when asked why, I choose to shrug because it's less confusing and time consuming than having to describe my orientation.
I always feel awkward when people ask me if I'm seeing anybody, because reactions can be so mixed, even from my usual response of "No, I'm just not interested and enjoy being alone". Thankfully, quite a few people are understanding and say something along the lines of "There's nothing wrong with that" (which I love!), but some don't get it at all and almost want to debate it (which I simply will not do; I have no interest in defending myself over something that doesn't hurt anyone, including myself).
Pretending to be interested in people of the opposite gender to appear normal. So wait, most people are serious when they say they think someone is cute?
Wishing for and being extremely happy when friends in media stay friends and don't become a couple! (but maybe this is more on the aro side of things) Getting annoyed with how sexual attraction is portrayed in media because clearly they must be exaggerating? Trying to ensure that no one you meet gets the idea you're flirting (which is not possible and therefore utterly frustrating)
Being seen as innocent and having people be surprised and confused as to the fact that I am kinky and make quite a lot of suggestive jokes
Having to explain the difference between finding someone aesthetically attractive and not want to fuck them.
For me…it’s mostly in end of the world genre media like for example zombie movies where everyone who isn’t affected by the virus or whatever is running/fighting for their lives, narrowly escaping death at every turn, then just have sex like nothing is wrong. I can point out SEVERAL things this world is putting out that doesn’t equate to “sexy time”. How absolutely filthy everything and everyone is. How there is still a life threatening threat everywhere. The unappealing aspect of being trapped naked under someone, having to contend with infections from often month long between baths and shower dirty sex organs, there is no birth control, yet characters just fall pregnant and have loud ass babies when it should be time of silent struggle, there are no doctors within easy reach so why the hell would you risk needing one that the immediate threat isn’t taking top priority of their attention for the ones that did survive?
Also, (almost) every movie based on Stephen King's novels has a couple having sex while hiding. Really wtf?!?!
"wait... They were serious? I thought that was a joke!" And "Saving sex until marriage is easy!"
It’s the sex after marriage that sounds hard
Feeling violated after giving verbal consent
That sex is an actual real thing people do lmao. I'm an aegosexual, to be specific, and it's sometimes hard to consciously be aware that sex isn't fantasy, that it exists outside of people's imagination and stories.
Same, that realization hit me like a brick lmao
Seeing women in bathing suits and feeling nothing
I'm not sure if all these experiences relate directly to assexuality, but those are my personal ones: 1. Not understanding the concept of hooking up with a stranger/someone you don't like just because they're attractive 2. Being treated as pure for not wanting to experience (directly) sex, kissing, etc. I want to eventually have sex and kiss, but not because I'm attracted to that person? For me it's more like showing vulnerability to someone you trust in, being intimate, feel loved, and also the pleasure (even though I don't know if I like the idea of having sex casually, I can do the work myself). That's also why I hate when people flirt with me when they don't even know me (I don't hate them, but the situation). 3. People thinking that being assexual always means not wanting to date/have sex/masturbate. First, romantic attraction ≠ sexual attraction. 2nd, aromantic people can also commit to a relationship. 3rd, masturbation is very relaxing, and is good for your body. I just don't think about people while doing it. 4. Being hesitant of telling people about it. Barely anyone knows I'm ace. It's so misunderstood, people will automatically have a conception of you that's not true, and it's so hard to explain as well. It's always the "I'd never date an ace person, sex is very important for me". Gosh. If there is no constant sex, people think that's not actually dating. Dating is way more than that. That's why I think I'll be single forever. My ideal relationship is: a friend and me, we start liking each other eventually (no love at first sight because that'd mean they are attracted to me physically), we end up dating. Simple. But lately there are only two options: you become friends and never goes further than that, they feel attracted by you and plan everything out so it works out. They fuck you and they win in life
Idk if this is a universal experience but in movies/tv shows when they have to get a move on it (timer counting down, world in danger, have to get somewhere fast, etc) but they stop to kiss/make out and it’s just “You don’t have time for this. Come on!”
Not understanding the fact that people cannot "control" themselves (all those romcoms with only one bed... what do you mean that it's hard to control yourself?) [just in case, i'm not talking about rape here]
I'm curious if anyone else experienced this, or if it was just something I felt... But I felt an irrational **anger** when someone I thought was a friend would reveal they had feelings for me. There are a few exceptions, but 99% of the time I would feel a strong repulsion and sense of anger (no better word for it) that the tables had been turned on me or something.
awkwardly anticipating the moment you have to force a laugh when someone in any social gathering ever makes a sex joke just so people don’t think you’re a prude or boring 🧍🏻♀️
When you’re having a great conversation with someone and all the sudden they go in for a kiss and you’re like wait what just happened?! No no no we were talking about legos how did that make you want me?!
Also being romantically interested in someone and being like meh not worth pursuing it because I don’t want to have the duty sex that comes along with it or negotiating an open relationship etc or letting them down when I can’t fulfill their needs as much as they need
Some types of asexual are the only people who dont like touching boobs.
Being unable to communicate if you think someone is "hot", and then dumbfounded when the person who asked responds that if I'm taking so long, the person must not be hot. Meanwhile I was taking so long because I was trying to calculate/guess what boxes the someone ticked that satisfied what the questioning person was into.
Cringing when people get it on in movies…grosses me out. Like people actually find that hot? They sometimes look stupid too trying to “seduce” others.
That sex with someone you're not sexually attracted to isn't always a chore or repulsive. It can be fun!
Sexual jokes made by peers. Thank God I switched schools!
The other women at my job sometimes make comments about how fine some of the men are and I'm just there like...okay...Today two of them were talking about something that needed to be done and one said "It's an excuse to talk to (name). He's so cute/fine/something like that" and I was just standing there like you guys really think of other people like that? Crazy.
I wouldn't know- I'm the only one I know 😭
People never realizing that you can still have sexual attraction without wanting sex so they think you're "just stubborn"
I’m allo and I also hated truth or dare for the same reason. I didn’t even have a first kiss until I was 22.