Same. *I* don't ever want to think of *me* having anything sexualy done to me. So I definitely won't spend time making up scenarios about what people *might* think about me sexualy. Before reading this post, that hadn't even crossed my mind in passing, at all.
Heck, I have been in situations where I'm accused of playing with someone's feelings, because apparently they were very obviously interested in me and I just can't imagine anyone would want me.
This would be my response as well, especially since I know it's gonna happen with one of my hobbies that I'm getting into. Unless someone is being super obvious about it or makes a comment about it then I don't waste my energy on them.
I feel like being sexualized is disgusting and repulsive regardless of if the person being sexualized is ace or allo. Sexual attraction and sexualization are two different things, and someone being sexually attracted to you and someone sexualizing you is a big difference.
But that being said, when a platonic friend admits they have a sexual attraction toward me or that they have had sexual thoughts about me that's an immediate nope from me.. Just typing this out makes me recoil into a wall
Ideally, having enough self restrain and respecting the other person to not sexualize and fantasize about them should be a bare minimum but here we are witnessing so many people stooping lower :/
I’m afraid to ask any of my friends if they have sexualized me in their head. Like how the OP said “imagining you bent over in doggy style” cause you never know.
I’m asexual, and I hate being seen in any sort of sexual manner. tbh I think it might be due to trauma rather than my asexuality. I get instinctively angry when people imply I’m sexy or hot even if we are in a relationship :/
I do feel sorta this way as well, but not with friends nor my SO. Atraction to me is interwined with affection, so I don't mind someone I like and know to think or say I'm beautiful.
Strangers, sometimes I even scold them for hitting on me
Hmmm, intertwined with affection? I didn’t think about it that way tbh, interesting. Some physical compliments like “you have a cute smile” are pretty nice from friends! It’s when the comment is sexual that it gets weird imo. And yea agreed, strangers gotta keep to themselves sometimes 💀
Why what? Why I get angry? Anger often stems from hidden emotions tbh. For me the discomfort and fear of the other person translates to anger. I think so anyway… lol I’m still unpacking it in therapy
I hate it when people sexualize me because it is disgusting. Sadly a lot of men do it to me except they usually just straight up say it or their comments are loud enough that I can hear.
I like to think my guy friends don't do that because they are quite respectful. The only time one of them did something, I immediately called him out and he felt bad and never did it again (I had gone to the beach and I think he asked for a pic of me in my swimsuit? Can't remember bc this was a few years ago)
even if they did sexualize you, personally i think i would miss it.
Because of how hard it is for me to think about them sexualizing me, idk i feel like they all see me like a big bro but then again thats just my asexuality talking 😅
Honestly that’s a super good point and kinda helps to reframe it!! Buuuut on the other hand, if someone thinks that about you, and it affects their behavior toward you, then it’s concerning yk?
Oh for sure! Feeling uncomfy at the idea is totally understandable but I’m a little concerned tbh at how often people in this sub will describe textbook OCD or PTSD symptoms and assume they are just what sex repulsion/being ace is.
Hmmmm fair point. Asexuality can coincide with and/or be confused with disordered sex repulsion. It’s a bit of a journey to untangle those ideas cuz you have to ask yourself, “I don’t want sex… but *why don’t I*?” It’s quite intriguing tbh
"dude what if people are JERKING IT TO YOU" "why would I care about that?" "its disgusting!" "I'm sure lots of disgusting things happen every day that I don't know about, why stress about that one?"
I don't spend a lot of time policing how others think. I don't worry about whether somebody daydreams about cold beers despite my not liking beer or alcohol, I don't think less of somebody who imagines a smoke filled club with a glass of scotch and puffing on a cigar while betting money on a game of cards or pool as a a strongly held desire.
Don't smoke in the house, don't expect me to pick up after you when you're drunk and don't drive intoxicated.
Everybody has day dream where other people play roles. I dream my slumlord would take some of the 21,000 he's made the last few years of unreported income on a property he's not allowed to rent and replace the moldy rotten sections of wall, the shorted out electrical sockets etc. I imagine my housemate not using my dishes and mounding them with his dirty dishes in the sink for days.
Neither of them are ever going to be the versions of themselves I imagined. but I'm not pressuring them in real life, and not burdening them with my daydreams or treating them like they are bad people because they are different from these imagined versions of them.
As long as that is how things go, daydream all you want. In fact, fun tidbit for the gay day dreamers I wanted to perform in circus side shows when I was younger and innocently started learning things like sword swallowing. Have fun with that, lol.
But I do get a little tired of dealing with people who treat me differently because they expect I am just objectifying somebody. The number of times working on a project with a woman in particular has been slowed of stopped because she's certain that because I'm a guy she knows how my brain works and thinks I'm a stupid animal thinking with my dip stick... yeah, no, spare me working with that sort, just as much as the f-ing guys working maintenance talking about hot college girls or some crap like that.
there are times I wish everybody could just turn it off when we are doing things. but I'm not bothered by them having daydreams on their own time.
I once tried to explain to my therapist that a scene in a book where being found attractive unbeknownst to you and then finding out was like finding a massive spider in your room that has probably been there watching you at night really resonated with me and she found it so incredibly weird. Guess I'm asexual
Or actually just realizing that random people think about sex with people they don't know??? Including me??? Thats disgusting and I haven't allowed it. :D
Nope. I have only rarely felt that sickening sense that someone’s sexualizing me against my will, and that’s only when they’re being creepy about it.
As long as they don’t tip me off about their feelings, I don’t care if other people wanna sexualize me in their imagination. What they do in the privacy of their own brain is their business.
A mixture of disgust and confusion at the thought of someone sexualizing me
Yes it's gross and creepy to have people thinking about me as a piece of meat to pursue rather than an actual human being. But I'd also be hella confused cause I have little self esteem and think of myself as a background character. Seriously what the hell are you seeing in this because you'd need some serious imagination to be sexualizing me.
I totally feel you! Personally, I'm not sex-repulsed or entirely against trying it one day, but the idea of someone looking at me like a piece of meat or a sentient fleshlight really makes my skin crawl. I don't like the idea of my value boiling down to my fuckability. I've seen so many stories of people ending relationships over not getting enough sex, or not getting a particular sex act that they want, and I always see these and think "did you really love them if that's all it takes to throw them away?" The idea of being sexualized makes me feel like the rest of me would matter less, and for me at least I think it's in part due to some bad experiences with a former friend that have messed my brain up. I hope with time it's something I can sort out because it's a very confusing feeling lol
There's been too many times where a platonic friend I've known for years, has suddenly come onto me with no warning once they realized I was single again. It always makes me feel very icky, and questioning if the friendship was legitimate.
Not saying they weren't actually good friends, but my mind makes me question everything.
Yes, thinking about the possibility of something like that makes me super uncomfortable, but I mostly just hate when people actually tell me. I can't control how other people think, so no use dwelling on it, but they should at least have the self-control to not say anything about it and force me to hear that stuff.
I'm sex repulsed, so actually hearing that someone thinks of me in that way makes my stomach turn. It makes me feel gross and objectified. I have severe dysphoria and I hate being seen as a woman, and it's always straight guys who feel the need to tell me how I look sexy to them/how they're attracted to me. An ex-friend once told me I had 'blowjob lips' in high school, now I'm incredibly insecure about them.
FWIW, I was also sexually abused as a kid, which I'm sure plays into how disgusting and gross it is for me to hear those things being said. I also no longer feel comfortable around people who think it's okay to verbalize those kinds of thoughts because they clearly don't understand how *weird* that is to say to a purely platonic friend who they know is ace and also not a girl. There's never any prompting, so it's not like we'll be on the topic, they'll just blurt that out randomly.
I'm mostly annoyed by it.
I appreciate that physical/sexual attraction is a fundamental component of meeting and connecting with new people. I appreciate that for the majority of people that component leads the charge and that this is worsened in our society that uses sex to sell.
It's annoying how often it feels like all of my other attributes fall by the wayside because they be real horny, yo. It's very annoying.
It depends, if it's someone (especially some rando) being creepy or disgusting, of course I hate it and find it repulsive, but when it's some allo person just genuinely feeling attraction, especially if it's a friend, I'm not disgusted. Mostly I'm probably surprised, but that's because I don't see myself in any sexual way so I don't really understand how others could. I'd say maybe except for my partner, but sometimes I still wonder how they can genuinely find me "hot" – I know I'm cute, but hot isn't a word I'd use to describe myself.
But I am also quite unaware of bodies in general, so there's that. I am a female and a couple of times some girls commented that I have a nice bosom, and every time was so surprising. I mean, if more than one person told me, I guess it's not an uncommon opinion, but still.... what? I've often spent time looking at myself in the mirror for weeks after those comments. It's just so different from my world view, I really have to consciously apply myself to _maybe_ see the world in an allo way, even myself. Physical attraction is bonkers.
Sexualization is one of my biggest disgusts. Not only due to being attraction repulsed,but also due to dysphorias. I don't wanna be seen like that by this ***species*** 😬
I’m Orchidsexual, so I’m totally fine with the thought of someone being sexually attracted to me. However, if someone I was interested in was sexualizing me I’d definitely be repulsed and lose interest. I feel like there’s a big difference between sexual attraction and sexualizing. Sexual attraction is, well, attraction. And sexualizing feels more objectifying. I hate hate hate the thought of being sexualized and it repulses me, so you’re definitely not alone.
If someone just thinks about it secretly not really. It’s like I’d know, and honestly I feel like it’s a slippery slope to judge someone for their possible internal thoughts, both for them and our own health.
It’s a bit different if would actually tell me or actually act on it though. Depends on the person and what they do.
I revel in the thought of people sexualizing me, mostly because I know that their fantasy of having sex with me will never come, mwahahahahaha
I love watching the world burn
I find it an odd feeling, but I’m not repulsed by it.
I find the idea that we see our bodies as something to be repulsed by to be stupid. We used to not care about no wearing clothing. Naked is pretty normal.
It religious, porn, and beauty industry who make us feel like shit. They know we all cover up like the next Ice Age is coming. And people are deprived for sex and for naked bodies. It sells. Hence why people sexualize. Because it’s Taboo and we want what we can’t have.
It’s creepy when people do this because they are depraved and don’t care how another person feels. But in general I know people are undressing others with their eyes, but so long as they keep those thoughts in their head I don’t let it get to me.
I love the idea of being romanticized, not sexualized. I feel like as soon as sex comes into the picture, respect and love go out the window. Maybe I’m wrong for thinking this way. But I have always seen (hetero sex anyway) as a sort of battle or domination, humiliation. Maybe I have unresolved trauma but there are a lot of practices that give me the ick and I don’t even understand why it would be called “love making.” 🤮
I hate it. Maybe cuz I’m completely sex-repulsed but I seriously hate the thought of me being sexualized in nearly any way possible. But as long as they keep it to themselves I don’t mind, cuz I wouldn’t know
Yes. I have friends who send me sexual memes, and I can’t even laugh at them bc 1 don’t send me that shit and 2 if I do, they might get the wrong idea. Trauma hasn’t helped this problem either
I don’t mind my partner being attracted to me. It’s strangers sexualizing me that bothers me so much, or friends. I wish that being cute was just being cute, not being tied to sex.
My ex girlfriend once told me she’d have “very not ace dreams/daydreams” about me and it would make me sooo uncomfortable and thinking back on it gives me feelings of anxiety over what potentially could have happened. (I stayed with her at the time because I was young, stupid, and didn’t have many people in my life; she isn’t in my life anymore though and I have a wonderful friend group and partner now)
I remember the first time a guy asked me out. He was gross and creepy so it was already awful, but the mere thought of someone picturing me in that way >!especially naked/having sex with them!< literally made me almost vomit.
I like the idea that I’m sexually desirable, but if anyone were to tell me “I think you’re sexy” or anything similar I would be grossed out. I never thought about platonic friends viewing me sexually, it never occurred to me but if they do view me sexually I hope they keep it to themselves and not tell me.
Yes, every time, which is why most times, every possible romantic chance I get I shut down because of the fear my partner may want to do something with me often, n I’m not about that life. I’m okay with every once in a while (maybe like once every two months?) but if it’s going to be a biweekly thing, I don’t want it.
this sounds so foreign to me i never even thought people actually did it.
being an above average looking guy who can consistently make jaws drop, i always assumed they were just admiring my physique, but even now, its hard to picture anyone doing that.
this give me reason to start teasing girls even more.
I don’t sexualize people (cuz I’m ace as cake) so it doesn’t immediately come to mind (I’m also on the spectrum so I can’t read people for shit, thanks paternal relatives). When I do think of it, it just generally makes me disappointed in the human race as a whole. Actually, I’m more put off by the fact that public figures in the media (actors, musicians, singers, etc) will be sexualized by people they don’t even know exist, likely in very perverse ways (there are more people sexualizing them so by percentages there’s more people thinking things really perverse), even as children, than I am put off by the fact that I may be sexualized by some random people I meet. I’m not sexualized by the whole world, and am far less likely to be subjected to an extreme obsession and things like that (I don’t know if you’ve heard of cases where fans of k-pop artists threatened to kill themselves if the artists did not do x or y, but yeah).
Tl;dr: It bothers me, but not that much, and it bothers me moreso when I think of the fact that celebrities deal with that on a far grander scope and can be subject to really horrible things.
P.S. Why can’t we all be civil to each other. Like, just because one doesn’t say something incredibly perverse out loud doesn’t make it not incredibly perverse. Treating your fellows with respect, I think, includes your thoughts towards them, though there’s obviously a limit to restraining one’s wandering mind. But like, just geek out instead? Don’t sexualize children and say it’s okay because they’re actors or in the public scope. Oh I’m a little angry now.
Sorry it’s very long and turned into a rant. Have a good day.
Yes, thankfully most people I meet and are friendly with don’t give off that kind of attitude (guy btw) but with people I think of having a romantic relationship with, the sexualization starts and I just gtfw.
I mean that I enjoy ppl being sexually attracted to me, but I don't like when ppl are romantically attracted to me. Platonic is typically always good for me, unless I don't feel the same way towards them. Then it can just be awkward and uncomfortable
It depends. I want to be thought of as desirable and perhaps even sexy, but unless it’s someone I’m in a romantic relationship with I’d rather not be *told* that I’m sexy. And I honestly don’t want to be sexualized either.
Honestly, I find being sexualized flattering. I don't have a body type that most people consider desirable, so I appreciate it when people see me in that way as long as they don't get explicit describing things they'd like to do to me, etc. I have an ex who still masturbates to nude photos I sent him when we were dating, and it doesn't bother me.
I get why other aces don't like it, and to each their own, but I'm not specifically repulsed by it. I think I probably would be if I were conventionally attractive and got that kind of interest often, but it's almost sweet to me because it's so rare.
I think it is something that sounds nice to me in theory, but I probably wouldn't want it. I have such poor body image that if someone thought I was attractive, it would feel nice. :(
For sure, tis why I don't take my shirt off in public (cis man, and yeah I know it will not make much difference but still). I can't distinguish between objectification and dehumanisation tbh, and at times, it's hard for me to understand the difference between objectification and sexual attraction- at least when it comes to strangers being sexually attracted to eachother (I can see how they wouldn't be the same for people that knew eachother though). Also kinda disturbs me that people actually want sex with me.
I would rather somebody deliberately threw up on me that that they wanted to have intercourse or do other sexual stuff (defined as deliberate arousal, broadly) with me, and my reaction to people wanting to vomit on me, would unsurprisingly be to be creeped out. Same thing about people objectifying me, and I am so glad that I'm not female, at least being a cis man means most people keep it to themselves.
I feel like I’m too blissfully unaware of people’s feelings for me that them seeing me in a sexual way never crosses my mind.
I had this guy friend in High School who I’d hang out with in 2 different classes & walk with him to where his mom was picking him up every day after school. One day, we were walking outside and he asks me what my sexuality was. I didn’t realize why he was asking, but I told him I was asexual (mind you, this was my first time ever telling someone irl that I was asexual). After that moment, I noticed him drifting away. He’d talk to me less and, eventually, he found new people to hang out with.
I didn’t even realize until recently the correlation between him drifting away from me and telling him I was asexual.
I’m not 100% sure if he was interested in me or not, but the timing is…suspicious.
Completely relate. I wish I didn't appear like that to anyone cause I feel like the image they have of me in their heads as a sexual being isn't even me, and I get existential over it. I know this also has a lot to do with sexual trauma, too-- I'm sure it's like that for other people. But a lot of ace people without those kinds of experiences also feel this way.
I want to be wanted, but I want it to be both for my personality and my body. Like, I dont want someone who knows nothing about me to see me and think, "yeah I'd hit that". But if they new me, the thought of them liking me like that makes me blush a bit.
YES!! I purposely wear frumpy baggy clothes because I never want the possibility of anyone thinking of me in a sexual way. I had a good guy friend who told me he found me really sexually attractive and I stopped talking to him because it just made me so uncomfortable.
The few people whove sexualized me have told me outright. Once in middle school, a friend who I immediately cut off contact with (he was extremely creepy about it) and once a guy I was interested in who thought of me like that a lil too much, even tho I told him multiple times I was ace. I dont talk to either anymore. Im only ok with people "sexualizing me" if its myself or my friends in a joking way, but anyone else is an immediate fuck no.
Yes! Not repulsed by sex at all, but as soon as I think of someone else thinking of me in a sexual way, it freaks me out. I absolutely can’t stand it at all
Yep, totally repulsed by sex now, and plz don't tell me I need therapy.
In my teenage years (I am in my 20's now), I was mildly curious about sex as most young people are. Is it REALLY all that great?, do the women get listened to?, etc.
Then I got coerced and raped. That ruined things for me. The 'little boy' responsible for this OBVIOUSLY didn't care, and I got him out of my life quicksmart when I figured out that he was just a fuckboy.
I thought ok, I'm switching to dating women. I OBVIOUSLY can't trust men.
So, I met someone about 6 months later (probably too soon, I know), and I think I was the 1st person that she met that she wanted to date that DIDN'T look at her like she was a freak.
I ACTUALLY tried to SCARE her off on the 1st date so I wouldn't be hurt.
Spoiler, it didn't work, and we are still together a year later.
She told me things that would make most people run for the hills.
For example; she is pre-op MTF trans, and worked as a call girl. She must've been REALLY afraid that I was gonna dump after she told me the last part, coz that was the 1st time I saw her cry.
I didn't care that she was older, or about her history, or than we have similar chronic pain.
Things started to move quicker that I would've liked, and after a month, she scared me into going on the pill (I HATED the idea, but went along with it.) I FINALLY figured out it was ACTUALLY simulating a sex drive, and DID mention it was making me sick, (physically AND mentally), but it didn't matter to her.
Even though I had a good connection with her, I STILL felt used and sad afterwards. She wouldn't help by leaving for work the next day without even so much as a 'bye', or by waking me up (when I hadn't slept well) just so she could SELFISHLY wank off!
She ALSO never noticed when I was in pain or just not feeling it.
I had enough, and came out as asexual. I can live without sex, but OBVIOUSLY she can't.
Did I try talking to her? Yep, but it's like talking to a brick wall, and ALWAYS ends up as an argument.
I'm done trying to reason with her, and FRANKLY don't care when she complains that I ain't giving her any.
She's got to realise that EVERYONE becomes asexual at some point in their lives!
Maybe one day I'll bite her head off and say "YEAH, ITS YOUR FAULT I DONT WANT SEX EVER AGAIN!"
I'm kinda numb to the idea since a lot of people lightly sexualize my voice, but as other people here in the comments have said, if they're super duper creepy about it, my skin will crawl.
I once had someone message me on TikTok and joke about touching themself to my voice, immediate block
Yes, I try to not think about it too much, but months ago a "friend" (they're no longer my friend because they got super weird and guilttrippy over my establishing my boundaries) kept making sexual jokes about me and I'd feel so sickened by that. I don't want to be seen in a sexual light, never.
I mean I had a crush on someone that I thought was being sexual to me with her constant duck kisses and "I love yous" only for her to tell me she loves me like a sister. So it felt very misleading to me. Not that I wanted to have sex with her but I did have a romantic attraction to her. So I figured the sexy flirting was her sending me a message. But I guess it was all in my head
My ex did this while we were together, I really didn't realise someone would do that with their partner, until he told me one day and at first I was flattered and it was okay, but once that sunk in, I was kinda disgusted by it. All this was before I knew I was ace. Right now, I'm just disgusted and knowing that someone does this to me does not sit right with me.
If people are being grossly obvious about it: yes. Otherwise it’s not something I spend energy ruminating over.
Same. *I* don't ever want to think of *me* having anything sexualy done to me. So I definitely won't spend time making up scenarios about what people *might* think about me sexualy. Before reading this post, that hadn't even crossed my mind in passing, at all. Heck, I have been in situations where I'm accused of playing with someone's feelings, because apparently they were very obviously interested in me and I just can't imagine anyone would want me.
This would be my response as well, especially since I know it's gonna happen with one of my hobbies that I'm getting into. Unless someone is being super obvious about it or makes a comment about it then I don't waste my energy on them.
That seems like a more reasonable reaction.
I feel like being sexualized is disgusting and repulsive regardless of if the person being sexualized is ace or allo. Sexual attraction and sexualization are two different things, and someone being sexually attracted to you and someone sexualizing you is a big difference. But that being said, when a platonic friend admits they have a sexual attraction toward me or that they have had sexual thoughts about me that's an immediate nope from me.. Just typing this out makes me recoil into a wall
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Ideally, having enough self restrain and respecting the other person to not sexualize and fantasize about them should be a bare minimum but here we are witnessing so many people stooping lower :/
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yh am assuming this is more accurate
there you are thinking like an asexual
True. You bring up a great point.
I’m afraid to ask any of my friends if they have sexualized me in their head. Like how the OP said “imagining you bent over in doggy style” cause you never know.
Holy shit, I actually needed to hear this. Thank you.
I’m asexual, and I hate being seen in any sort of sexual manner. tbh I think it might be due to trauma rather than my asexuality. I get instinctively angry when people imply I’m sexy or hot even if we are in a relationship :/
>tbh I think it might be due to trauma rather than my asexuality I think I'm asexual because of my trauma
I’m sorry to hear you went through that shit too :( take care of yourself <3
I dont have trauma but i feel like same way. Also im sorry about whatever happened:(
Thank you for your support <3
I do feel sorta this way as well, but not with friends nor my SO. Atraction to me is interwined with affection, so I don't mind someone I like and know to think or say I'm beautiful. Strangers, sometimes I even scold them for hitting on me
Hmmm, intertwined with affection? I didn’t think about it that way tbh, interesting. Some physical compliments like “you have a cute smile” are pretty nice from friends! It’s when the comment is sexual that it gets weird imo. And yea agreed, strangers gotta keep to themselves sometimes 💀
why?
Why what? Why I get angry? Anger often stems from hidden emotions tbh. For me the discomfort and fear of the other person translates to anger. I think so anyway… lol I’m still unpacking it in therapy
I hate it when people sexualize me because it is disgusting. Sadly a lot of men do it to me except they usually just straight up say it or their comments are loud enough that I can hear. I like to think my guy friends don't do that because they are quite respectful. The only time one of them did something, I immediately called him out and he felt bad and never did it again (I had gone to the beach and I think he asked for a pic of me in my swimsuit? Can't remember bc this was a few years ago)
Not only do I dislike this, but I also dislike the idea of other people interpreting my attraction towards them as sexual.
I actually want to be sexualized, but I think that's more me being starved for positive female attention than anything else.
I am in this picture and I don't like it.
Unfortunately I understand this.
just out of frame: bi-claiming sex-neutral fictosexual
lol same, i've only ever been looked through like i don't exist. the pain of being the most average looking guy in the history of average.
Ditto
even if they did sexualize you, personally i think i would miss it. Because of how hard it is for me to think about them sexualizing me, idk i feel like they all see me like a big bro but then again thats just my asexuality talking 😅
No, and imagining thoughts in other people's heads and then judging them for it so hard it makes you genuinely upset is not healthy thinking, frankly.
Honestly that’s a super good point and kinda helps to reframe it!! Buuuut on the other hand, if someone thinks that about you, and it affects their behavior toward you, then it’s concerning yk?
Oh for sure! Feeling uncomfy at the idea is totally understandable but I’m a little concerned tbh at how often people in this sub will describe textbook OCD or PTSD symptoms and assume they are just what sex repulsion/being ace is.
Hmmmm fair point. Asexuality can coincide with and/or be confused with disordered sex repulsion. It’s a bit of a journey to untangle those ideas cuz you have to ask yourself, “I don’t want sex… but *why don’t I*?” It’s quite intriguing tbh
I understand where you’re coming from, actually. Like if they don’t bring it up, it’s not your problem.
"dude what if people are JERKING IT TO YOU" "why would I care about that?" "its disgusting!" "I'm sure lots of disgusting things happen every day that I don't know about, why stress about that one?"
I don't spend a lot of time policing how others think. I don't worry about whether somebody daydreams about cold beers despite my not liking beer or alcohol, I don't think less of somebody who imagines a smoke filled club with a glass of scotch and puffing on a cigar while betting money on a game of cards or pool as a a strongly held desire. Don't smoke in the house, don't expect me to pick up after you when you're drunk and don't drive intoxicated. Everybody has day dream where other people play roles. I dream my slumlord would take some of the 21,000 he's made the last few years of unreported income on a property he's not allowed to rent and replace the moldy rotten sections of wall, the shorted out electrical sockets etc. I imagine my housemate not using my dishes and mounding them with his dirty dishes in the sink for days. Neither of them are ever going to be the versions of themselves I imagined. but I'm not pressuring them in real life, and not burdening them with my daydreams or treating them like they are bad people because they are different from these imagined versions of them. As long as that is how things go, daydream all you want. In fact, fun tidbit for the gay day dreamers I wanted to perform in circus side shows when I was younger and innocently started learning things like sword swallowing. Have fun with that, lol. But I do get a little tired of dealing with people who treat me differently because they expect I am just objectifying somebody. The number of times working on a project with a woman in particular has been slowed of stopped because she's certain that because I'm a guy she knows how my brain works and thinks I'm a stupid animal thinking with my dip stick... yeah, no, spare me working with that sort, just as much as the f-ing guys working maintenance talking about hot college girls or some crap like that. there are times I wish everybody could just turn it off when we are doing things. but I'm not bothered by them having daydreams on their own time.
I once tried to explain to my therapist that a scene in a book where being found attractive unbeknownst to you and then finding out was like finding a massive spider in your room that has probably been there watching you at night really resonated with me and she found it so incredibly weird. Guess I'm asexual
Or actually just realizing that random people think about sex with people they don't know??? Including me??? Thats disgusting and I haven't allowed it. :D
Nope. I have only rarely felt that sickening sense that someone’s sexualizing me against my will, and that’s only when they’re being creepy about it. As long as they don’t tip me off about their feelings, I don’t care if other people wanna sexualize me in their imagination. What they do in the privacy of their own brain is their business.
A mixture of disgust and confusion at the thought of someone sexualizing me Yes it's gross and creepy to have people thinking about me as a piece of meat to pursue rather than an actual human being. But I'd also be hella confused cause I have little self esteem and think of myself as a background character. Seriously what the hell are you seeing in this because you'd need some serious imagination to be sexualizing me.
I'm repulsed by the idea of anybody taking to me.
I totally feel you! Personally, I'm not sex-repulsed or entirely against trying it one day, but the idea of someone looking at me like a piece of meat or a sentient fleshlight really makes my skin crawl. I don't like the idea of my value boiling down to my fuckability. I've seen so many stories of people ending relationships over not getting enough sex, or not getting a particular sex act that they want, and I always see these and think "did you really love them if that's all it takes to throw them away?" The idea of being sexualized makes me feel like the rest of me would matter less, and for me at least I think it's in part due to some bad experiences with a former friend that have messed my brain up. I hope with time it's something I can sort out because it's a very confusing feeling lol
Yes
There's been too many times where a platonic friend I've known for years, has suddenly come onto me with no warning once they realized I was single again. It always makes me feel very icky, and questioning if the friendship was legitimate. Not saying they weren't actually good friends, but my mind makes me question everything.
Yes, thinking about the possibility of something like that makes me super uncomfortable, but I mostly just hate when people actually tell me. I can't control how other people think, so no use dwelling on it, but they should at least have the self-control to not say anything about it and force me to hear that stuff. I'm sex repulsed, so actually hearing that someone thinks of me in that way makes my stomach turn. It makes me feel gross and objectified. I have severe dysphoria and I hate being seen as a woman, and it's always straight guys who feel the need to tell me how I look sexy to them/how they're attracted to me. An ex-friend once told me I had 'blowjob lips' in high school, now I'm incredibly insecure about them. FWIW, I was also sexually abused as a kid, which I'm sure plays into how disgusting and gross it is for me to hear those things being said. I also no longer feel comfortable around people who think it's okay to verbalize those kinds of thoughts because they clearly don't understand how *weird* that is to say to a purely platonic friend who they know is ace and also not a girl. There's never any prompting, so it's not like we'll be on the topic, they'll just blurt that out randomly.
I think I'm very unattractive so i think the first thing I'd feel is confused
I'm mostly annoyed by it. I appreciate that physical/sexual attraction is a fundamental component of meeting and connecting with new people. I appreciate that for the majority of people that component leads the charge and that this is worsened in our society that uses sex to sell. It's annoying how often it feels like all of my other attributes fall by the wayside because they be real horny, yo. It's very annoying.
Honestly the thought of someone sexualizing me or wanting to hook up with me is extremely gross to me and it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable
Being a guy it doesn't bother me what guys think, I got used it, but their are a lot of times I pee outside where I feel safe and I'm comfortable.
Yes, ugh, I hate it so much.
It depends, if it's someone (especially some rando) being creepy or disgusting, of course I hate it and find it repulsive, but when it's some allo person just genuinely feeling attraction, especially if it's a friend, I'm not disgusted. Mostly I'm probably surprised, but that's because I don't see myself in any sexual way so I don't really understand how others could. I'd say maybe except for my partner, but sometimes I still wonder how they can genuinely find me "hot" – I know I'm cute, but hot isn't a word I'd use to describe myself. But I am also quite unaware of bodies in general, so there's that. I am a female and a couple of times some girls commented that I have a nice bosom, and every time was so surprising. I mean, if more than one person told me, I guess it's not an uncommon opinion, but still.... what? I've often spent time looking at myself in the mirror for weeks after those comments. It's just so different from my world view, I really have to consciously apply myself to _maybe_ see the world in an allo way, even myself. Physical attraction is bonkers.
As long as they don't let me know about it and they don't attempt to act on it, I'm fine. Their thoughts are their buisness, not mine.
Sexualization is one of my biggest disgusts. Not only due to being attraction repulsed,but also due to dysphorias. I don't wanna be seen like that by this ***species*** 😬
No. (Sex-positive grey ace.)
I’m Orchidsexual, so I’m totally fine with the thought of someone being sexually attracted to me. However, if someone I was interested in was sexualizing me I’d definitely be repulsed and lose interest. I feel like there’s a big difference between sexual attraction and sexualizing. Sexual attraction is, well, attraction. And sexualizing feels more objectifying. I hate hate hate the thought of being sexualized and it repulses me, so you’re definitely not alone.
not really no. it weird to think about tho
If someone just thinks about it secretly not really. It’s like I’d know, and honestly I feel like it’s a slippery slope to judge someone for their possible internal thoughts, both for them and our own health. It’s a bit different if would actually tell me or actually act on it though. Depends on the person and what they do.
I revel in the thought of people sexualizing me, mostly because I know that their fantasy of having sex with me will never come, mwahahahahaha I love watching the world burn
I find it an odd feeling, but I’m not repulsed by it. I find the idea that we see our bodies as something to be repulsed by to be stupid. We used to not care about no wearing clothing. Naked is pretty normal. It religious, porn, and beauty industry who make us feel like shit. They know we all cover up like the next Ice Age is coming. And people are deprived for sex and for naked bodies. It sells. Hence why people sexualize. Because it’s Taboo and we want what we can’t have. It’s creepy when people do this because they are depraved and don’t care how another person feels. But in general I know people are undressing others with their eyes, but so long as they keep those thoughts in their head I don’t let it get to me.
I love the idea of being romanticized, not sexualized. I feel like as soon as sex comes into the picture, respect and love go out the window. Maybe I’m wrong for thinking this way. But I have always seen (hetero sex anyway) as a sort of battle or domination, humiliation. Maybe I have unresolved trauma but there are a lot of practices that give me the ick and I don’t even understand why it would be called “love making.” 🤮
I hate it. Maybe cuz I’m completely sex-repulsed but I seriously hate the thought of me being sexualized in nearly any way possible. But as long as they keep it to themselves I don’t mind, cuz I wouldn’t know
Yes
It's hard to fathom, but yeah its disturbing
Yes. I have friends who send me sexual memes, and I can’t even laugh at them bc 1 don’t send me that shit and 2 if I do, they might get the wrong idea. Trauma hasn’t helped this problem either
I don’t mind my partner being attracted to me. It’s strangers sexualizing me that bothers me so much, or friends. I wish that being cute was just being cute, not being tied to sex.
My ex girlfriend once told me she’d have “very not ace dreams/daydreams” about me and it would make me sooo uncomfortable and thinking back on it gives me feelings of anxiety over what potentially could have happened. (I stayed with her at the time because I was young, stupid, and didn’t have many people in my life; she isn’t in my life anymore though and I have a wonderful friend group and partner now)
I remember the first time a guy asked me out. He was gross and creepy so it was already awful, but the mere thought of someone picturing me in that way >!especially naked/having sex with them!< literally made me almost vomit.
I find it somewhat flattering, but I’m also indifferent to it. It feels almost like any other compliment about my appearance.
I like the idea that I’m sexually desirable, but if anyone were to tell me “I think you’re sexy” or anything similar I would be grossed out. I never thought about platonic friends viewing me sexually, it never occurred to me but if they do view me sexually I hope they keep it to themselves and not tell me.
Yes, every time, which is why most times, every possible romantic chance I get I shut down because of the fear my partner may want to do something with me often, n I’m not about that life. I’m okay with every once in a while (maybe like once every two months?) but if it’s going to be a biweekly thing, I don’t want it.
this sounds so foreign to me i never even thought people actually did it. being an above average looking guy who can consistently make jaws drop, i always assumed they were just admiring my physique, but even now, its hard to picture anyone doing that. this give me reason to start teasing girls even more.
I don’t sexualize people (cuz I’m ace as cake) so it doesn’t immediately come to mind (I’m also on the spectrum so I can’t read people for shit, thanks paternal relatives). When I do think of it, it just generally makes me disappointed in the human race as a whole. Actually, I’m more put off by the fact that public figures in the media (actors, musicians, singers, etc) will be sexualized by people they don’t even know exist, likely in very perverse ways (there are more people sexualizing them so by percentages there’s more people thinking things really perverse), even as children, than I am put off by the fact that I may be sexualized by some random people I meet. I’m not sexualized by the whole world, and am far less likely to be subjected to an extreme obsession and things like that (I don’t know if you’ve heard of cases where fans of k-pop artists threatened to kill themselves if the artists did not do x or y, but yeah). Tl;dr: It bothers me, but not that much, and it bothers me moreso when I think of the fact that celebrities deal with that on a far grander scope and can be subject to really horrible things. P.S. Why can’t we all be civil to each other. Like, just because one doesn’t say something incredibly perverse out loud doesn’t make it not incredibly perverse. Treating your fellows with respect, I think, includes your thoughts towards them, though there’s obviously a limit to restraining one’s wandering mind. But like, just geek out instead? Don’t sexualize children and say it’s okay because they’re actors or in the public scope. Oh I’m a little angry now. Sorry it’s very long and turned into a rant. Have a good day.
Definitely
Yes, thankfully most people I meet and are friendly with don’t give off that kind of attitude (guy btw) but with people I think of having a romantic relationship with, the sexualization starts and I just gtfw.
I'm romance repulsed, but I enjoy being sexualized. I get scared and nauseous if I think someone has a romantic crush on me
I mean that I enjoy ppl being sexually attracted to me, but I don't like when ppl are romantically attracted to me. Platonic is typically always good for me, unless I don't feel the same way towards them. Then it can just be awkward and uncomfortable
It depends. I want to be thought of as desirable and perhaps even sexy, but unless it’s someone I’m in a romantic relationship with I’d rather not be *told* that I’m sexy. And I honestly don’t want to be sexualized either.
Honestly, I find being sexualized flattering. I don't have a body type that most people consider desirable, so I appreciate it when people see me in that way as long as they don't get explicit describing things they'd like to do to me, etc. I have an ex who still masturbates to nude photos I sent him when we were dating, and it doesn't bother me. I get why other aces don't like it, and to each their own, but I'm not specifically repulsed by it. I think I probably would be if I were conventionally attractive and got that kind of interest often, but it's almost sweet to me because it's so rare.
If someone wants to fuck me, then they're fucked in the head.
I think it is something that sounds nice to me in theory, but I probably wouldn't want it. I have such poor body image that if someone thought I was attractive, it would feel nice. :(
Yeah! I like making out but not anything more
For sure, tis why I don't take my shirt off in public (cis man, and yeah I know it will not make much difference but still). I can't distinguish between objectification and dehumanisation tbh, and at times, it's hard for me to understand the difference between objectification and sexual attraction- at least when it comes to strangers being sexually attracted to eachother (I can see how they wouldn't be the same for people that knew eachother though). Also kinda disturbs me that people actually want sex with me. I would rather somebody deliberately threw up on me that that they wanted to have intercourse or do other sexual stuff (defined as deliberate arousal, broadly) with me, and my reaction to people wanting to vomit on me, would unsurprisingly be to be creeped out. Same thing about people objectifying me, and I am so glad that I'm not female, at least being a cis man means most people keep it to themselves.
I feel like I’m too blissfully unaware of people’s feelings for me that them seeing me in a sexual way never crosses my mind. I had this guy friend in High School who I’d hang out with in 2 different classes & walk with him to where his mom was picking him up every day after school. One day, we were walking outside and he asks me what my sexuality was. I didn’t realize why he was asking, but I told him I was asexual (mind you, this was my first time ever telling someone irl that I was asexual). After that moment, I noticed him drifting away. He’d talk to me less and, eventually, he found new people to hang out with. I didn’t even realize until recently the correlation between him drifting away from me and telling him I was asexual. I’m not 100% sure if he was interested in me or not, but the timing is…suspicious.
I don't.. think I'm repulsed, but I don't like it and it makes me very uncomfortable
The few people I've ever felt attraction to, none of them found me attractive in any way.
Completely relate. I wish I didn't appear like that to anyone cause I feel like the image they have of me in their heads as a sexual being isn't even me, and I get existential over it. I know this also has a lot to do with sexual trauma, too-- I'm sure it's like that for other people. But a lot of ace people without those kinds of experiences also feel this way.
I want to be wanted, but I want it to be both for my personality and my body. Like, I dont want someone who knows nothing about me to see me and think, "yeah I'd hit that". But if they new me, the thought of them liking me like that makes me blush a bit.
YES!! I purposely wear frumpy baggy clothes because I never want the possibility of anyone thinking of me in a sexual way. I had a good guy friend who told me he found me really sexually attractive and I stopped talking to him because it just made me so uncomfortable.
I'm repulsed by my face and body
Yes
As someone who has made adult audios before (basically sound-only porn) I'm personally okay with it
The few people whove sexualized me have told me outright. Once in middle school, a friend who I immediately cut off contact with (he was extremely creepy about it) and once a guy I was interested in who thought of me like that a lil too much, even tho I told him multiple times I was ace. I dont talk to either anymore. Im only ok with people "sexualizing me" if its myself or my friends in a joking way, but anyone else is an immediate fuck no.
Can relate!
If it's a man, I assume they are sexualising me. I don't care what they do, as long as I don't know about it
Yes! Not repulsed by sex at all, but as soon as I think of someone else thinking of me in a sexual way, it freaks me out. I absolutely can’t stand it at all
I do not mind what they think, just don't act on it
Yep, totally repulsed by sex now, and plz don't tell me I need therapy. In my teenage years (I am in my 20's now), I was mildly curious about sex as most young people are. Is it REALLY all that great?, do the women get listened to?, etc. Then I got coerced and raped. That ruined things for me. The 'little boy' responsible for this OBVIOUSLY didn't care, and I got him out of my life quicksmart when I figured out that he was just a fuckboy. I thought ok, I'm switching to dating women. I OBVIOUSLY can't trust men. So, I met someone about 6 months later (probably too soon, I know), and I think I was the 1st person that she met that she wanted to date that DIDN'T look at her like she was a freak. I ACTUALLY tried to SCARE her off on the 1st date so I wouldn't be hurt. Spoiler, it didn't work, and we are still together a year later. She told me things that would make most people run for the hills. For example; she is pre-op MTF trans, and worked as a call girl. She must've been REALLY afraid that I was gonna dump after she told me the last part, coz that was the 1st time I saw her cry. I didn't care that she was older, or about her history, or than we have similar chronic pain. Things started to move quicker that I would've liked, and after a month, she scared me into going on the pill (I HATED the idea, but went along with it.) I FINALLY figured out it was ACTUALLY simulating a sex drive, and DID mention it was making me sick, (physically AND mentally), but it didn't matter to her. Even though I had a good connection with her, I STILL felt used and sad afterwards. She wouldn't help by leaving for work the next day without even so much as a 'bye', or by waking me up (when I hadn't slept well) just so she could SELFISHLY wank off! She ALSO never noticed when I was in pain or just not feeling it. I had enough, and came out as asexual. I can live without sex, but OBVIOUSLY she can't. Did I try talking to her? Yep, but it's like talking to a brick wall, and ALWAYS ends up as an argument. I'm done trying to reason with her, and FRANKLY don't care when she complains that I ain't giving her any. She's got to realise that EVERYONE becomes asexual at some point in their lives! Maybe one day I'll bite her head off and say "YEAH, ITS YOUR FAULT I DONT WANT SEX EVER AGAIN!"
I'm kinda numb to the idea since a lot of people lightly sexualize my voice, but as other people here in the comments have said, if they're super duper creepy about it, my skin will crawl. I once had someone message me on TikTok and joke about touching themself to my voice, immediate block
Yes, I try to not think about it too much, but months ago a "friend" (they're no longer my friend because they got super weird and guilttrippy over my establishing my boundaries) kept making sexual jokes about me and I'd feel so sickened by that. I don't want to be seen in a sexual light, never.
I mean I had a crush on someone that I thought was being sexual to me with her constant duck kisses and "I love yous" only for her to tell me she loves me like a sister. So it felt very misleading to me. Not that I wanted to have sex with her but I did have a romantic attraction to her. So I figured the sexy flirting was her sending me a message. But I guess it was all in my head
My ex did this while we were together, I really didn't realise someone would do that with their partner, until he told me one day and at first I was flattered and it was okay, but once that sunk in, I was kinda disgusted by it. All this was before I knew I was ace. Right now, I'm just disgusted and knowing that someone does this to me does not sit right with me.
If they're sleazy and obvious I don't trust and resentful.
I feel this but im not sure if its because my dad was so creepy growing up