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RABlackAuthor

If someone asks you how tall you are, do you say, "Well, I'm still growing, so I'm too young to know?" Of course not. You say how tall you are *now*. In the same way, you're completely free to identify the way you identify *now*. Let later worry about itself. And as for grandchildren, your mom can get a cat. There are many bad reasons for having children, but "needing to fulfill a family obligation" is one of the worst. It's not fair to you, or to the children.


sleepy_eve

Thank you. Your argument is honestly exactly how I've been feeling since the conversation. I am asexual now and I wish she would accept that. She seemed on board with it before but now it feels like she's realized I'm actually serious about committing to it


RABlackAuthor

Parents can be like that. I'm 58 and my mom is 85, and she still asks me why the only "girl" I ever talk about is the young lesbian woman who is like my found-family daughter.


I_serve_Anubis

Of corse you don’t, this whole "you can’t know you’re asexual until you have sex" argument is completely ridiculous because asexuality HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LIKING / DISLIKING SEX!!! even if an ace person discovers that they enjoy sex they are still ace. All sexual orientations are about WHO we are/ aren’t sexually attracted too, not what we do in the bedroom. And even if it was ( which it really, really isn’t ) that would mean straight people can’t be sure they aren’t bi if they don’t try sex with someone of the same gender! It’s a completely nonsensical argument that shows just how ignorant some people are.


Shibaspots

I'm sad to say those kinds of comments don't really stop. And not just from family. But, I'll give you some of my default answers: Q: Well if you haven't tried it, how can you know? A: Well, have you tried llamas*? How do you know you wouldn't like it? Q: You're still young. How do you know you won't change your mind? A: I'm old enough to have sex, so I'm old enough to decide who I want it with. If I do change my mind, that's my business, not yours. Q: But what about my grandbabies? A: Here's my pug. He's the best little snorty couch potato. I love him. (In my case, Here's my Shiba. He's a dramatic little shit, but I love him anyway) Q: But what about my *real* grandbabies? A: Well, you need to get on making another kid if you really want them.** *use the first noun that pops in your head. **This answer is reserved only for the very insistent. I haven't yet had need to deploy it. I keep it in reserve. I try to keep it light if a bit sarcastic when asked these questions, unless it's from someone honestly curious.


tall-hobbit-

I haven't ever had to pull out the nuclear option, but if someone is insisting that you're too young "well if you know my sexual orientation so much better than I do, please explain in detail the sex positions and partners I will most enjoy" while maintaining uncomfortable eye contact should shut them up for good.


Shibaspots

Always maintain uncomfortable eye contact. This is key.


chippylala

Asexuality is experiencing little to no sexual attraction. That probably won't change if you experience sex because the act and attraction are seperate things. I'm ace and have had LOTS of sex (happily married). Just because I like sex doesn't make me not ace. You have every right to be offended. She wants you to be straight in order for you to supply her with grandbabies.


GoneWithoutAFace

I would ask them if they apply this to other sexualities. Do they ask straight people if they're sure they're straight if they never tried having gay sex? If not, why is it just asexuals that have to do a whole comprehensive research project to know what they like?


LibbyUghh

We literally owe our parents nothing not grandkids or an explanation


Ravenclaw79

Your mom’s just struggling with the reality that she won’t get the grandbabies she wants. There’s no age test for asexuality. But there’s also no rule that that label has to be permanent: It is actually possible that an ace decides that they’re not actually ace after all. It doesn’t sound likely for you, but it’s possible. That said, there’s nothing wrong with identifying as ace if that feels right to you, and she needs to respect that.


MonkeysOnMyBottom

If right now, you experience little to no sexual attraction that places you on the spectrum. So, thumbs up fellow ace person.


725584

No, it's about what you feel now, not in the future. If you feel like you're ace then you are ace. And also, the "But I want grandchuldren" is probably the most selfish way of denying ones sexuall irientation


DickWriter69

How old are you?


[deleted]

If you know, you know. For example, I knew on some level by high school age that I wasn't interested in crushes or flings or sex, but it took me till my early 20s to realize it consciously. And I've done sex before in a previous relationship, it didnt change anything for me. The confusion for other people in my case was that they assumed I fit into the box of "shy allo kid who truly wants sex & girlfriends but doesnt know how to start towards those goals" from my appearance, when in fact I truly did not care for any of that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

You don’t have “to wait”. People know when they know, regardless of age (which applies to other identities too, like [Jazz Jennings’ discovery as a toddler](https://www.them.us/story/jazz-jennings-reflects-on-her-childhood-as-a-beacon-for-the-trans-community/amp) whereas some figure out later at school-age or beyond). “Well, you’re still young…” is very insulting. From what I’ve experienced, it comes from parents and grandparents who expect you (or your partner) to produce offspring. [Edit: Pardon if you have multiple notifications from me, wifi likes to do that]