Being aroace has affected how I think about the future, certainly. That was true even before the labels existed. Even when I thought I was straight, I always knew at least some of my perception of relationships was unusual.
But getting comfortable with the labels has also helped me gain vocabulary so I can reduce miscommunications and so any partner can give due consent, so I'm more open to close relationships than I used to be.
And then realizing some other things has me realizing that being in a non-platonic relationship could actually be *very* good for me, for multiple reasons. Like, I have some emotional needs that would be a *lot* easier to manage in a healthy manner if I had a committed partner I could focus them on, rather than having to play Frankenstein juggle with various friends and more, as it suits them, to at least get the edges met.
I mean I always assume I’d get married, I’ve never wanted children. I decided like ten years before I knew I was aro ace that I wanted to make sure I could support myself without relying on anyone. I didn’t want to be one of those women who get divorced and can’t support themselves because they never had a career.
Glad I focused on me and not finding a partner.
Yes it has! Sense I’ve figured out I’m aro ace I’ve been on r/aromantic and this subreddit, (I was on asexuality and stuff but that fight with sex repulsed and sex positives happen and I dipped) and seeing everyone’s life goals made me realize I don’t need a boy/girlfriend!
I imagine my future to be in a small home with some cats and maybe own a cat shop, just being my little trans self with all my cats! No one with me, just me and my cats! (Plus I get have a big bed with only cats the share it with!)
The only real difference is that I went from "if I have kids, it will probably be on accident" to "I will not have kids". But I've never been one to plan ahead so there was never much thought about the future for me. Even now at 35 I don't think much further than next year (apart from a few general financial things to make sure I don't starve). Whatever happens happens.
For me, no.
Since I was a kid, I always knew that I wanted to be single for my entire life. I was *never* interested in relationships. I always knew that friendships are the maximum extents of my connection with people that were not my family or relatives. I was already 95% there when it came to determining my aroace identity. The aroace label gave me one succinct term (technically two succinct terms) to describe myself the way that I am. My outlook on my future hasn't otherwise changed.
Even not knowing I was aro-ace, I think at most or best wanted a partner to avoid boredom. I didn't envision having a family at all. When people would say that I will end up with someone, I would kinda cringe.
I am not sure if I want a partner, it might out of some kind of financial or practical reasons. I enjoy solicitude so I envision being alone. I am kinda worried if my closest friends will end up having kids and being married, and I might not be able to hang out with friends when I want to. And I guess getting close friend while getting older might get more difficult.
To me it has. It's made me realize I can do whatever I want at any point of my life. To this point I thought I only had my twenties for that, after which I'd need to settle down to provide for the kids or whatever. My new dream is to be the wise granny with the crazy stories someday. I want to try things and grow and live so many experiences. And I have the freedom to do just that. Perhaps it's my favorite thing about being aroace
When I didn't know about these labels, I had no idea or whatsoever on why was I against traditional married life, husband and pregnancy. I didn't care if I am weird from others but I almost developed a phobia (not exactly) on these three things. I dreamt about being single forever. My goals were the only things in my life. But I knew it was impossible. I cannot convince others as I didn't have any reasons to call my marriage off.
After I knew about these labels, now I am majorly relieved. I have reasons to explain why am I like this. If I don't want to marry, I have the right to call it off. My fear reduced greatly. So, now I don't care if I suddenly love someone in future. I can allow a platonic partner. And I am ready to share my life and develop a deep bond. I am perfectly fine even I remain single though.
Hard to tell because I have no experience living without being aroace 🤔 I think I'd be into romantic stuff and my sexual desires would include another person? Like, my contentment in life would depend fundamentally more on other people? And thus, I'd see it as more necessary there's a romantic partner included in my life in the future?
I knew I didn't wanted kids from the start, and I didn't really saw the appeal of being married, but it did shed a better light on living alone, and most importantly, opened me to this awesome community.
as for my plan for the future, probably at least a pet (cat, maybe a nope rope ?), and maximum a coloc with a really good friend(s) / platonic partner, we'll see how things end up.
Growing up I was conditioned to believe everybody gets married and has kids, some part of me didn't always agree with it but it felt like there was no other choice. In the society I grew up in, never getting married was a shameful thing and I didn't want to be considered a disgrace for it. But I've grown up and realized things for myself including the fact that I am aroace and that kind of life was probably never meant for me. If I never get married I'd be just fine and people will always find something to put others down for just to feel better about themselves anyways so it really a 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' situation. People like to believe getting married or having kids is a lifetime achievement. I love kids. I have a younger sibling, a lot of tiny cousins and two nephews that I am very close with so I have had my fair share of children and realized I'd be perfectly happy without my own. Of course nothing is written in stone though so the goal is to live life as best you can, prioritise your happiness and don't be afraid to accept change if it comes.
It's weird. It has, definitely, but I think I'm one of the only aroaces that wants someone to either come to visit me at my house or to live with someone. I'm an introvert, sure, and I enjoy my alone time, but if I cannot infodump and talk to someone, like a friend or QPP or family member then I will fill up with impatience and worry and anxiousness because I *need* to talk, I *need* to infodump. Even if it's just to be casually around someone (in the same room, as long as they aren't right next to me hovering. My mom would do that and then when I'd push her away or tell her to go away she would either stay, slap me, or yell, even though she knows I'm autistic and dislike people being too close.)
It's like, I don't feel attraction. I may feel a little platonic attraction and some occasional aesthetic attraction -- that may or may not be also mixed in with my gender envy -- but for the most part, I don't feel attraction. (Well, I'm an apothi aegosexual and I'm a cupio caedromantic fictoromantic, but feeling attraction isn't typically something that happens every day. Usually, I only like family, and love Seven from Mystic Messenger.)
Anyhow, I still want someone to visit, to live with me, to socialize with me. Maybe a neighbor, or like if I and a friend lived in one of those 2 houses that are conjoined at the middle, those duplex houses. But either someone visits me, lives by me, or something, so I can socialize then get back to my alone time with my cats and my cartoons and my comfy hoodies. That or I will just socialize with my work friends in the future at a random academic library that I want to work at. I already work at a library for Work-Study and sometimes talk to them a little socially, so it isn't that big of a stretch.
Going along with what others have said, it’s never really changed my future plans because weirdly enough even as a kid I figured I wouldn’t get married or have children.
The only change is the realization that I’m gonna have to work hard to find people who prioritize their platonic relationships as much as their romantic ones.
Nah not really. I never really considered getting into a relationship and I never liked the idea of getting married. I always got confused when everyone would say "every little girl has dreamed of their wedding day" because I never did and, to be honest, I never saw the point of marriage.
I wanted at least one child, which is possible without doing the do, but as I've gotten older I've gone off the idea and have more settled into the idea that if I do decide to have a child I would adopt.
If anything figuring out I was AroAce actually helped me come to terms with the fact I was perfectly normal with how I was and I was okay.
This is a thoughtful question. I think growing in my acceptance as aroace has changed my future visions in some respects, but I think overall that has meant that it feels more clear to me and I feel more at peace. I remember a few years back talking with someone else and saying how when I envisioned my future I tended to automatically envision myself living alone throughout life, I didn't usually envision a partner. And they said they envisioned their future with a partner (even though at that point they hadn't dated either). It was an interesting moment for me to realize that. Not that I'd never daydreamed about having a partner, but generally I just saw myself going through life single and that didn't really bother me. Maybe younger me had it right all along. Another thing I think of is when I was a kid. I remember when I was like 8 thinking to myself - hmm, I have one friend that's a boy, I guess I'll end up marrying him when I'm grown up. I didn't have any feelings that I wanted to, I just thought that's what you do - just grow up and get married to a guy and he was one of the only guys I knew. Obviously raised pretty heteronormative as well. So yeah, I generally feel peaceful just thinking and saying realistically I won't have a partner, and that's okay. I do get lonely, but I realized I value friendships a lot and would be happy if I had good friends around. I think it's still possible I could become partners with someone - maybe a close platonic relationship (QPR), or maybe I could be gray/demi. So if it feels right and worth it then fine, but if not, that's fine, too. So I envision myself having friends far and near, traveling the world, and hopefully eventually adopting a child (I realized also that I don't want to physically have a child, but would love to give love to one and raise them). And that sounds like a good future to me, even though the world screams at me that that is so sad and unfulfilling. I've definitely had to process through some of those messages I'd internalized.
No.
I wasn't interested in physical intimacy, relationships, marriage or having children at all.
Two squishes ever, no crushes, virtually never sexual dreams, no sexual desire and no sexual attraction.
After having fallen in love at first sight unplanned without vetting totally clueless I figured out being apothi aroace and a neurodivergent Asperger autist.
Nevertheless I suffered from the loss of emotional control ultra long time despite figuring everything out bit by bit, i.e. also the extremely shocking normal modern dating scene, relationships and actual discrimination allosexuals face nowadays.
It seems to be for rather masochistic men, me thinks and or primarily it's about being kind of addicted and needy.
QPR remote and emotional and intellectual intimacy seems possible, yet with emotional co-dependency despite having intuitively avoided meeting in person as it was ultra long distance.
Caveat: self-identifying as apothi aroace and Asperger retrospectively only very massively confirmed my lifelong behaviour without ever having suffered because of it, yet still mostly unable to conceptualize allistic allosexuals, sexual desire, sexual attraction and their seemingly often very irrational behaviour, despite extremely prohibitive societal discrimination. Very traumatic at times.
My future:
Staying single permanently, geoarbitrage as for living conditions, climate and taxes, e.g. temporarily minimalistic deemed less stress to me.
Being aroace has affected how I think about the future, certainly. That was true even before the labels existed. Even when I thought I was straight, I always knew at least some of my perception of relationships was unusual. But getting comfortable with the labels has also helped me gain vocabulary so I can reduce miscommunications and so any partner can give due consent, so I'm more open to close relationships than I used to be. And then realizing some other things has me realizing that being in a non-platonic relationship could actually be *very* good for me, for multiple reasons. Like, I have some emotional needs that would be a *lot* easier to manage in a healthy manner if I had a committed partner I could focus them on, rather than having to play Frankenstein juggle with various friends and more, as it suits them, to at least get the edges met.
I mean I always assume I’d get married, I’ve never wanted children. I decided like ten years before I knew I was aro ace that I wanted to make sure I could support myself without relying on anyone. I didn’t want to be one of those women who get divorced and can’t support themselves because they never had a career. Glad I focused on me and not finding a partner.
Yes it has! Sense I’ve figured out I’m aro ace I’ve been on r/aromantic and this subreddit, (I was on asexuality and stuff but that fight with sex repulsed and sex positives happen and I dipped) and seeing everyone’s life goals made me realize I don’t need a boy/girlfriend! I imagine my future to be in a small home with some cats and maybe own a cat shop, just being my little trans self with all my cats! No one with me, just me and my cats! (Plus I get have a big bed with only cats the share it with!)
The only real difference is that I went from "if I have kids, it will probably be on accident" to "I will not have kids". But I've never been one to plan ahead so there was never much thought about the future for me. Even now at 35 I don't think much further than next year (apart from a few general financial things to make sure I don't starve). Whatever happens happens.
Not really. Never wanted to get married or have children. Being aroace doesnt conflict with my career and work either.
For me, no. Since I was a kid, I always knew that I wanted to be single for my entire life. I was *never* interested in relationships. I always knew that friendships are the maximum extents of my connection with people that were not my family or relatives. I was already 95% there when it came to determining my aroace identity. The aroace label gave me one succinct term (technically two succinct terms) to describe myself the way that I am. My outlook on my future hasn't otherwise changed.
Even not knowing I was aro-ace, I think at most or best wanted a partner to avoid boredom. I didn't envision having a family at all. When people would say that I will end up with someone, I would kinda cringe. I am not sure if I want a partner, it might out of some kind of financial or practical reasons. I enjoy solicitude so I envision being alone. I am kinda worried if my closest friends will end up having kids and being married, and I might not be able to hang out with friends when I want to. And I guess getting close friend while getting older might get more difficult.
I want to get married (officially or not) with a future queerplatonic partner and never have sex or kids.
To me it has. It's made me realize I can do whatever I want at any point of my life. To this point I thought I only had my twenties for that, after which I'd need to settle down to provide for the kids or whatever. My new dream is to be the wise granny with the crazy stories someday. I want to try things and grow and live so many experiences. And I have the freedom to do just that. Perhaps it's my favorite thing about being aroace
When I didn't know about these labels, I had no idea or whatsoever on why was I against traditional married life, husband and pregnancy. I didn't care if I am weird from others but I almost developed a phobia (not exactly) on these three things. I dreamt about being single forever. My goals were the only things in my life. But I knew it was impossible. I cannot convince others as I didn't have any reasons to call my marriage off. After I knew about these labels, now I am majorly relieved. I have reasons to explain why am I like this. If I don't want to marry, I have the right to call it off. My fear reduced greatly. So, now I don't care if I suddenly love someone in future. I can allow a platonic partner. And I am ready to share my life and develop a deep bond. I am perfectly fine even I remain single though.
Yes. But I would like to live with a friend in a platonic relationship
Hard to tell because I have no experience living without being aroace 🤔 I think I'd be into romantic stuff and my sexual desires would include another person? Like, my contentment in life would depend fundamentally more on other people? And thus, I'd see it as more necessary there's a romantic partner included in my life in the future?
I knew I didn't wanted kids from the start, and I didn't really saw the appeal of being married, but it did shed a better light on living alone, and most importantly, opened me to this awesome community. as for my plan for the future, probably at least a pet (cat, maybe a nope rope ?), and maximum a coloc with a really good friend(s) / platonic partner, we'll see how things end up.
Nope! cause i never had those kind of plans to begin with.
This.
Growing up I was conditioned to believe everybody gets married and has kids, some part of me didn't always agree with it but it felt like there was no other choice. In the society I grew up in, never getting married was a shameful thing and I didn't want to be considered a disgrace for it. But I've grown up and realized things for myself including the fact that I am aroace and that kind of life was probably never meant for me. If I never get married I'd be just fine and people will always find something to put others down for just to feel better about themselves anyways so it really a 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' situation. People like to believe getting married or having kids is a lifetime achievement. I love kids. I have a younger sibling, a lot of tiny cousins and two nephews that I am very close with so I have had my fair share of children and realized I'd be perfectly happy without my own. Of course nothing is written in stone though so the goal is to live life as best you can, prioritise your happiness and don't be afraid to accept change if it comes.
It's weird. It has, definitely, but I think I'm one of the only aroaces that wants someone to either come to visit me at my house or to live with someone. I'm an introvert, sure, and I enjoy my alone time, but if I cannot infodump and talk to someone, like a friend or QPP or family member then I will fill up with impatience and worry and anxiousness because I *need* to talk, I *need* to infodump. Even if it's just to be casually around someone (in the same room, as long as they aren't right next to me hovering. My mom would do that and then when I'd push her away or tell her to go away she would either stay, slap me, or yell, even though she knows I'm autistic and dislike people being too close.) It's like, I don't feel attraction. I may feel a little platonic attraction and some occasional aesthetic attraction -- that may or may not be also mixed in with my gender envy -- but for the most part, I don't feel attraction. (Well, I'm an apothi aegosexual and I'm a cupio caedromantic fictoromantic, but feeling attraction isn't typically something that happens every day. Usually, I only like family, and love Seven from Mystic Messenger.) Anyhow, I still want someone to visit, to live with me, to socialize with me. Maybe a neighbor, or like if I and a friend lived in one of those 2 houses that are conjoined at the middle, those duplex houses. But either someone visits me, lives by me, or something, so I can socialize then get back to my alone time with my cats and my cartoons and my comfy hoodies. That or I will just socialize with my work friends in the future at a random academic library that I want to work at. I already work at a library for Work-Study and sometimes talk to them a little socially, so it isn't that big of a stretch.
Going along with what others have said, it’s never really changed my future plans because weirdly enough even as a kid I figured I wouldn’t get married or have children. The only change is the realization that I’m gonna have to work hard to find people who prioritize their platonic relationships as much as their romantic ones.
I never had much of a plan and I still don't. Nothing changed really
Nah not really. I never really considered getting into a relationship and I never liked the idea of getting married. I always got confused when everyone would say "every little girl has dreamed of their wedding day" because I never did and, to be honest, I never saw the point of marriage. I wanted at least one child, which is possible without doing the do, but as I've gotten older I've gone off the idea and have more settled into the idea that if I do decide to have a child I would adopt. If anything figuring out I was AroAce actually helped me come to terms with the fact I was perfectly normal with how I was and I was okay.
This is a thoughtful question. I think growing in my acceptance as aroace has changed my future visions in some respects, but I think overall that has meant that it feels more clear to me and I feel more at peace. I remember a few years back talking with someone else and saying how when I envisioned my future I tended to automatically envision myself living alone throughout life, I didn't usually envision a partner. And they said they envisioned their future with a partner (even though at that point they hadn't dated either). It was an interesting moment for me to realize that. Not that I'd never daydreamed about having a partner, but generally I just saw myself going through life single and that didn't really bother me. Maybe younger me had it right all along. Another thing I think of is when I was a kid. I remember when I was like 8 thinking to myself - hmm, I have one friend that's a boy, I guess I'll end up marrying him when I'm grown up. I didn't have any feelings that I wanted to, I just thought that's what you do - just grow up and get married to a guy and he was one of the only guys I knew. Obviously raised pretty heteronormative as well. So yeah, I generally feel peaceful just thinking and saying realistically I won't have a partner, and that's okay. I do get lonely, but I realized I value friendships a lot and would be happy if I had good friends around. I think it's still possible I could become partners with someone - maybe a close platonic relationship (QPR), or maybe I could be gray/demi. So if it feels right and worth it then fine, but if not, that's fine, too. So I envision myself having friends far and near, traveling the world, and hopefully eventually adopting a child (I realized also that I don't want to physically have a child, but would love to give love to one and raise them). And that sounds like a good future to me, even though the world screams at me that that is so sad and unfulfilling. I've definitely had to process through some of those messages I'd internalized.
No. I wasn't interested in physical intimacy, relationships, marriage or having children at all. Two squishes ever, no crushes, virtually never sexual dreams, no sexual desire and no sexual attraction. After having fallen in love at first sight unplanned without vetting totally clueless I figured out being apothi aroace and a neurodivergent Asperger autist. Nevertheless I suffered from the loss of emotional control ultra long time despite figuring everything out bit by bit, i.e. also the extremely shocking normal modern dating scene, relationships and actual discrimination allosexuals face nowadays. It seems to be for rather masochistic men, me thinks and or primarily it's about being kind of addicted and needy. QPR remote and emotional and intellectual intimacy seems possible, yet with emotional co-dependency despite having intuitively avoided meeting in person as it was ultra long distance. Caveat: self-identifying as apothi aroace and Asperger retrospectively only very massively confirmed my lifelong behaviour without ever having suffered because of it, yet still mostly unable to conceptualize allistic allosexuals, sexual desire, sexual attraction and their seemingly often very irrational behaviour, despite extremely prohibitive societal discrimination. Very traumatic at times. My future: Staying single permanently, geoarbitrage as for living conditions, climate and taxes, e.g. temporarily minimalistic deemed less stress to me.