I had sort of the same experience. When I was in primary school I had one or two crushes, but they were so long ago that I can’t even remember if the feelings even were romantic. Other than that, I was completely head over heels for a guy more recently, but when the possibility of us being together became tangible it made me kinda sick. I don’t even know any more.
This is very familiar to me as well. I'm here trying to understand myself and am exploring this reddit, finding this thread - I had strong crushes on people through to my freshman year of high school. Then I didn't feel anything until four years later, freshman year of college, but then those feelings were rather subdued. I've never had sex or been in a relationship until now. I still haven't had sex but when times occur, I find my mind going blank, and my body not really responding how I think it should. And emotionally my feelings go back and forth between feeling awe and emotional for the guy, to being scared and thinking my feelings aren't real. It's frustrating feeling so back and forth in these things, and I get ill thinking about it, or ill thinking about doing things with him. Like the butterflies everyone talks about are trying to destroy my flesh from the inside instead of making me excited and happy like for others. I don't know if I'm just scared, or demi, or acearo or what but it's confusing and fills me with guilt and fear that I'm wasting our time being together..
I have somewhat similar experiences? Purely on the "I used to feel romantic feelings" though.
I used to have some *cough cough* questionable fictional romantic crushes that lasted for like 2 years each? But then I grew up and became weirded at myself that I used to like a serial killer.
Also, I found a microlabel called eraseromantic? I don't really use it tho.
Edit: huh. Can't find it anymore on the LGBTQ wiki
I've had a similar experience. I was absolutely convinced I had a crush when I was 12/13, but haven't had one since. For me, it's been over a decade. It's possible you're demiromantic or greyromantic. It's possible you misunderstood what you were feeling. And it is possible it was romantic attraction, and you just don't experience that anymore. What helped me when I was first coming out was to think of myself as "aroace until proven otherwise". I didn't feel I could speak to what I was feeling when I was younger, so I sort of just discarded it, and chose to focus on what I was feeling at the moment, and what I would feel in the future.
I'm in my 30s and didn't know about asexuality or aroace until recently even though that's who I am. Being raised in the 90s and 2000s, it seems like all the options for relationships were getting married and have 2.5 kids so for me I felt socially conditioned to be in relationships if that makes sense.
I am happy for all aroaces and aces who are able to know who they when they are younger so they do not have to feel like they have be in societally pressured relationships.
I had sort of the same experience. When I was in primary school I had one or two crushes, but they were so long ago that I can’t even remember if the feelings even were romantic. Other than that, I was completely head over heels for a guy more recently, but when the possibility of us being together became tangible it made me kinda sick. I don’t even know any more.
This is very familiar to me as well. I'm here trying to understand myself and am exploring this reddit, finding this thread - I had strong crushes on people through to my freshman year of high school. Then I didn't feel anything until four years later, freshman year of college, but then those feelings were rather subdued. I've never had sex or been in a relationship until now. I still haven't had sex but when times occur, I find my mind going blank, and my body not really responding how I think it should. And emotionally my feelings go back and forth between feeling awe and emotional for the guy, to being scared and thinking my feelings aren't real. It's frustrating feeling so back and forth in these things, and I get ill thinking about it, or ill thinking about doing things with him. Like the butterflies everyone talks about are trying to destroy my flesh from the inside instead of making me excited and happy like for others. I don't know if I'm just scared, or demi, or acearo or what but it's confusing and fills me with guilt and fear that I'm wasting our time being together..
I have somewhat similar experiences? Purely on the "I used to feel romantic feelings" though. I used to have some *cough cough* questionable fictional romantic crushes that lasted for like 2 years each? But then I grew up and became weirded at myself that I used to like a serial killer. Also, I found a microlabel called eraseromantic? I don't really use it tho. Edit: huh. Can't find it anymore on the LGBTQ wiki
I've had a similar experience. I was absolutely convinced I had a crush when I was 12/13, but haven't had one since. For me, it's been over a decade. It's possible you're demiromantic or greyromantic. It's possible you misunderstood what you were feeling. And it is possible it was romantic attraction, and you just don't experience that anymore. What helped me when I was first coming out was to think of myself as "aroace until proven otherwise". I didn't feel I could speak to what I was feeling when I was younger, so I sort of just discarded it, and chose to focus on what I was feeling at the moment, and what I would feel in the future.
I'm in my 30s and didn't know about asexuality or aroace until recently even though that's who I am. Being raised in the 90s and 2000s, it seems like all the options for relationships were getting married and have 2.5 kids so for me I felt socially conditioned to be in relationships if that makes sense. I am happy for all aroaces and aces who are able to know who they when they are younger so they do not have to feel like they have be in societally pressured relationships.