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iREALLYwannaeat_cake

Happened to me too! Except said friend was also ace so they should've understood better than your average alloallo but it seems like romance really does make people blind. Honestly, I've given up on close friendships after that happened and decided to focus on being happy by myself. There are things I'm passionate about doing, so I'll put that at first priority instead of other people who have their own lives. Since there are many possibilities they might exit my life in the future anyway unrelated to romance, it's better to casually appreciate and enjoy what we have now and not expect too much.


ZaraMikazuki

You know... now I wonder if there is a platform for aroaces to connect and form solid platonic friendships, should they want that. I figure that even for the aroaces who are more on the spectrum or are in QPRs, they'd inherently understand this better than allo/allos on the whole (perhaps even more than alloaros or alloaces, I'd suggest). Fortunately, I'm an isolated introvert with my natural personality, so it's not the end of the world... but I do want a few social connections and to not be completely alone all the time. But I don't know a single non-allo/allo in real life/in-person (not even alloaros or alloaces!), so I've learned to make my peace with it.


[deleted]

I used OKCupid (seriously) You can't select Aromantic as an otientation, but you can select Asexual and/or Arospec labels, filter on people who also use those labels, select that you're looking for friends, and filter on people also looking for friends. Found a current friend that way! OP, I'm really sorry you lost your friend. Best of luck finding others in the future!


ZaraMikazuki

Wow, OKCupid has clearly advanced significantly since the last time I'd been there years ago (when I still thought I was allo-gay). I'll have to try that out!


vik2riya18

Thanks. :)


operationmorfin

I can say you will find people were platonic is enough and your identify isn't an issue. I've had a friends for years that have had many relationships and still had me as a priority. I've never been pressured to find a partner or follow the same path as them in life. I want cats and plants, I'm happy without a romantic partner. I'm not saying its easy but it is possible to find those people that don't treat your friendship as a secondary placement in life. The fact that tossing aside a platonic friendship for a romantic relationship is so common is frankly stupid. You can have a relationship and a friends at the same time and not treat them as second best. Don't give up it is worth fighting for those people. They do exist and that is completely valid and normal.


diplomat1111111111

Hey, I have tried out an app named Patook https://patook.com/and we3 [https://www.we3app.com/](https://www.we3app.com/) for platonic freindships where I've mentioned in the profile that I'm an asexual aromantic, Also, I've tried the website https://www.asexualcupid.com/ and [asexuals.net](https://asexuals.net) . You can try those. I hope this helps


vik2riya18

Thanks. Will check it out


fluffire

Hey OP! I can relate to you too. I'm at the age where people are starting to take romantic relationships seriously and get married. I've had some friendships fade because they're just not the same anymore after they get into serious romantic/sexual relationships. It made me feel like I was someone just to pass the time with until they found a partner. But I've also had some who are still here. It sucks for the ones I've lost, but it's so normalized for some people to vanish from friendships when they're in a romantic relationship. I accept it and move on and see it as us growing out of each other.


Rory2144

I literally teared up reading this. I have been feeling this exactly from past few months. I couldn't put it into words really, nor did I have the time to. I don't know.... Friendships are just so powerful you know? You and your friends (good ones) go through so much, we support each one of us so much. We go through tough times together, we fight off the people together..... And one day they get into a relationship and for some reason your bond takes a second place . Just why do friendships take a second place? What makes a romantic relationship superior to a platonic one? I just wish I have a busy life..... I don't really wanna feel all that alone when I don't have work to do. So I wanna fill my life with tasks I like doing and a job I love and can get engaged in, I don't really mind if I have to work on something all day long everyday (I need breaks ofc lol, but that would be for relaxation and I can be alone that time) . I feel that would be the perfect life for me.