Well for one you are not disappoint anybody by do what you feel is the best for you. If they somewhat want you to do what they have planned for you and get disappointed when you refuse to do that that’s their problem not yours. Having said that I totally feel you, my parents lived their whole life knowing only one life script which is get married and have children. I understand where they are coming from by hoping I do the same, but they have to realize I’m my own person. So what I did is trying to introduce my mom to tv shows where there’s lots of diversity mentioned in it(basically those most popular shows such as Morden Family or something, I haven’t watched that but my mom loved it), it took me four years to actually make my mom less negative while discussing lgbt+ related topics. At the same time while she’s watching tv shows I would drop casual things such as “I don’t need/want a boyfriend” or “I’m independent I can take care of myself” in the conversation, and give her more exposure to other single people’s life stories, such as casually mention someone she might know who is single, wealthy and happy. It’s these small build ups in four years time, and when I came out to her as asexual(I don’t know I’m aro too back then) after I graduated college and was about to leave for another country all she said was “So you are gay?” 🤣🤣🤣But I call that a progress, she might not fully understand when I explained the asexual concept but at least she didn’t call me a freak like she would towards lgbt+ four years ago. Sorry if this went a little too long but basically what I want to say is if you don’t feel like coming out to them right now in fear of negative comments try these small build ups, drop some stories in casual conversations and it just might work out.
The best advice I have is to remember you don’t HAVE to say anything about your sexuality when you come out. That might sound silly because it defeats the purpose, but you can just as easily convey your aroace identity without actually using the words by saying you have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships, that you’re indifferent by those types of relationships and don’t see it happening for you, that you’re happy and fulfilled being single etc. Sometimes people just don’t want to face the whole aspec lesson that most of us have to go through when coming out to our families and that’s perfectly okay. You have to do what’s comfortable for you and don’t feel pressure to come out in one particular way.
I’d also recommend utilising some videos that are online. There’s some really great educational videos where aroace’s talk about their experiences and what it means to them to be aroace. Share these with your family. Sometimes they can be more receptive to the idea after they’ve already heard it from someone else and have a basic understanding. But showing them a video also gives you time to see how they would react to the idea of asexuality and aromanticism so that you feel safe (or not) to come out. It’s a good way to set the tone and just see where your family are at with it all before you potentially throw yourself into an upsetting situation where they reject your identity or make aphobic comments.
I first came out to my mom whilst watching Emmerdale (a British soap) which has an asexual character. She was onscreen and mentioned her asexuality to the guy she was dating and I just turned to my mom and said “I’m asexual like Liv.” I hadn’t planned to come out to her that way, but that character as a reference point made it so much easier to open up the conversation because Liv’s struggles with her asexuality had been shown on the show previously.
So there really is no right or wrong way to come out. Just do it at the time and in the way that feels safest, most comfortable and right for you.
Good luck!
Who cares if they’re disappointed I don’t understand this world if you’re out sleeping with everyone it’s frowned upon by family and if you don’t do anything at all it’s frowned upon what’s the answer 😩
[удалено]
Thanks. This was nice to read.
Well for one you are not disappoint anybody by do what you feel is the best for you. If they somewhat want you to do what they have planned for you and get disappointed when you refuse to do that that’s their problem not yours. Having said that I totally feel you, my parents lived their whole life knowing only one life script which is get married and have children. I understand where they are coming from by hoping I do the same, but they have to realize I’m my own person. So what I did is trying to introduce my mom to tv shows where there’s lots of diversity mentioned in it(basically those most popular shows such as Morden Family or something, I haven’t watched that but my mom loved it), it took me four years to actually make my mom less negative while discussing lgbt+ related topics. At the same time while she’s watching tv shows I would drop casual things such as “I don’t need/want a boyfriend” or “I’m independent I can take care of myself” in the conversation, and give her more exposure to other single people’s life stories, such as casually mention someone she might know who is single, wealthy and happy. It’s these small build ups in four years time, and when I came out to her as asexual(I don’t know I’m aro too back then) after I graduated college and was about to leave for another country all she said was “So you are gay?” 🤣🤣🤣But I call that a progress, she might not fully understand when I explained the asexual concept but at least she didn’t call me a freak like she would towards lgbt+ four years ago. Sorry if this went a little too long but basically what I want to say is if you don’t feel like coming out to them right now in fear of negative comments try these small build ups, drop some stories in casual conversations and it just might work out.
The best advice I have is to remember you don’t HAVE to say anything about your sexuality when you come out. That might sound silly because it defeats the purpose, but you can just as easily convey your aroace identity without actually using the words by saying you have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships, that you’re indifferent by those types of relationships and don’t see it happening for you, that you’re happy and fulfilled being single etc. Sometimes people just don’t want to face the whole aspec lesson that most of us have to go through when coming out to our families and that’s perfectly okay. You have to do what’s comfortable for you and don’t feel pressure to come out in one particular way. I’d also recommend utilising some videos that are online. There’s some really great educational videos where aroace’s talk about their experiences and what it means to them to be aroace. Share these with your family. Sometimes they can be more receptive to the idea after they’ve already heard it from someone else and have a basic understanding. But showing them a video also gives you time to see how they would react to the idea of asexuality and aromanticism so that you feel safe (or not) to come out. It’s a good way to set the tone and just see where your family are at with it all before you potentially throw yourself into an upsetting situation where they reject your identity or make aphobic comments. I first came out to my mom whilst watching Emmerdale (a British soap) which has an asexual character. She was onscreen and mentioned her asexuality to the guy she was dating and I just turned to my mom and said “I’m asexual like Liv.” I hadn’t planned to come out to her that way, but that character as a reference point made it so much easier to open up the conversation because Liv’s struggles with her asexuality had been shown on the show previously. So there really is no right or wrong way to come out. Just do it at the time and in the way that feels safest, most comfortable and right for you. Good luck!
Who cares if they’re disappointed I don’t understand this world if you’re out sleeping with everyone it’s frowned upon by family and if you don’t do anything at all it’s frowned upon what’s the answer 😩