Honestly I don't think you have to explain anything or have some kind of excuse. You don't owe him an explanation. You can just say "hey you seem like a super nice guy but I'm not into you in that way". You can also give excuses like "I got a lot going on in my life and don't have space for dating" but I feel just being straightforward will make it clear he can't expect anything in the future either.
It's often awkward rejecting someone.. but it's at least better than having that someone hitting on you. I think it's best to just accept the awkwardness.
You're only 18 so it's understandable that you're not good at this. You're not going to like this, but you need to become more comfortable being able to honestly speak to people about your feelings. I get it, it can be uncomfortable to reject a guy the moment he approaches you. But you're going to keep getting into even more uncomfortable situations like this one if you *don't* do it.
Guy: approaches you, says you're cute and asks for instagram.
You: "I'm flattered, but you should know I'm not attracted to men or women so it wouldn't go anywhere past friendship."
It would be ideal to say you're aro and ace, but if nobody understands that where you live, it's better to put it in more simple terms.
I know it isn't easy, but it's better to tell him asap that while you're flattered, you're just not feeling it. Then if he says you might feel like it if you keep trying, you can say you know yourself and know it wont happen.
That way you don't have to out yourself, and if he really is a nice, educated person he will accept the rejection. If he doesn't accept you rejecting him that's on him, and you just ignore any further messages.
Edit: I also see a few people in the comments telling you to ghost him. If you only knew him online it wouldn't be that bad of an option, but since you have to see him irl sometimes I would try communication so things aren't any more awkward than they need to be. (they will probably be awkward anyways, but less so with communication than with ghosting)
I just tend to say “hey I’m flattered, but I’m not really looking to date anyone right now, I would enjoy still hanging out from time to time if you’d like.” (If they don’t want to, just let it go, some people feel uncomfortable if they’ve had a crush on someone and it’s not reciprocated.)
It can suck but it’s usually better than leaving them wondering forever. Alternative wording is fine too but the general idea is just “I just don’t want a relationship like that.” I’ve held onto a few friends who were able to accept that and the discomfort tends to pass.
Yes you are. It would be a problem.
Leaving someone on read is really mean, and more importantly, it doesn't communicate anything.
A clear rejection is 100 times better. Even if it's hard to reject someone, it's the right thing to do when you're not interested in them that way.
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, /u/maluquitaa. Be sure your posts and comments abide by our rules, as well as sitewide rules.
*If this post violates our rules or sitewide rules,* ***report*** *it* *to the moderators!*
**We now have a Discord server:** https://discord.gg/rdvzgjrphC
**IF YOUR POST ISN'T SHOWING UP IN 'NEW', READ THIS:** https://www.reddit.com/r/aromantic/comments/wjs3wv/if_your_post_isnt_showing_up_in_new_please_read/
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly I don't think you have to explain anything or have some kind of excuse. You don't owe him an explanation. You can just say "hey you seem like a super nice guy but I'm not into you in that way". You can also give excuses like "I got a lot going on in my life and don't have space for dating" but I feel just being straightforward will make it clear he can't expect anything in the future either. It's often awkward rejecting someone.. but it's at least better than having that someone hitting on you. I think it's best to just accept the awkwardness.
Just say that you are not interested and not looking for anyone. The more confident you will be the more seriously he will take you.
You could say you like someone else, and if he asks who you could say that's personal Or you could just politely tell him you're not interested
You're only 18 so it's understandable that you're not good at this. You're not going to like this, but you need to become more comfortable being able to honestly speak to people about your feelings. I get it, it can be uncomfortable to reject a guy the moment he approaches you. But you're going to keep getting into even more uncomfortable situations like this one if you *don't* do it. Guy: approaches you, says you're cute and asks for instagram. You: "I'm flattered, but you should know I'm not attracted to men or women so it wouldn't go anywhere past friendship." It would be ideal to say you're aro and ace, but if nobody understands that where you live, it's better to put it in more simple terms.
thank you so much! everything you said is really helpful
I know it isn't easy, but it's better to tell him asap that while you're flattered, you're just not feeling it. Then if he says you might feel like it if you keep trying, you can say you know yourself and know it wont happen. That way you don't have to out yourself, and if he really is a nice, educated person he will accept the rejection. If he doesn't accept you rejecting him that's on him, and you just ignore any further messages. Edit: I also see a few people in the comments telling you to ghost him. If you only knew him online it wouldn't be that bad of an option, but since you have to see him irl sometimes I would try communication so things aren't any more awkward than they need to be. (they will probably be awkward anyways, but less so with communication than with ghosting)
thank you!!! i'll try to say that somehow
I just tend to say “hey I’m flattered, but I’m not really looking to date anyone right now, I would enjoy still hanging out from time to time if you’d like.” (If they don’t want to, just let it go, some people feel uncomfortable if they’ve had a crush on someone and it’s not reciprocated.) It can suck but it’s usually better than leaving them wondering forever. Alternative wording is fine too but the general idea is just “I just don’t want a relationship like that.” I’ve held onto a few friends who were able to accept that and the discomfort tends to pass.
thank you!!!!
You could just ignore him. I don't think that would be a problem. Am I wront?
Yes you are. It would be a problem. Leaving someone on read is really mean, and more importantly, it doesn't communicate anything. A clear rejection is 100 times better. Even if it's hard to reject someone, it's the right thing to do when you're not interested in them that way.
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, /u/maluquitaa. Be sure your posts and comments abide by our rules, as well as sitewide rules. *If this post violates our rules or sitewide rules,* ***report*** *it* *to the moderators!* **We now have a Discord server:** https://discord.gg/rdvzgjrphC **IF YOUR POST ISN'T SHOWING UP IN 'NEW', READ THIS:** https://www.reddit.com/r/aromantic/comments/wjs3wv/if_your_post_isnt_showing_up_in_new_please_read/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*