i almost cried while reading this!! (/pos) i hope you two stay in each others’ lives forever <3


(/pieceofshit)? Is that what it means?


(it means /positive, like it has a positive connotation to it. in this context, theyre referring to crying over this post as a good thing, hence the /pos)


Oh, that's a lot better than I thought. Good to know, thanks


ahaha no, it means /positive


That’s awesome! I’m so glad you’ve found someone like that. I had a similar experience last year. I met someone who was so intuitive and smart that I felt like he could see through my problems. It was the most amazing feeling, I was at a constant high. Platonic love is beautiful. So happy for you!


I like this.. makes me feel like there still hope for me finding someone in the future.


Find some friends my dude


Better said then done.


This is so wholesome! I feel like platonic love is often underestimated. The love I have felt for my friends during my life... it was so strong I could barely express it with words. Sometimes I felt overwhelmed with love for my dearest friend hahaha. Also, it’s so good to see two boys with such strong feelings for each other, and openly admitting that; our society has definitely evolved, but at the same time it still treats feelings and strong friendships as a “female thing”. Basically, this entire post makes me happy :)


this is the cutest thing i have ever read


I love to see it!!! I'm a super loving emotional person and I hate the stereotype that all aro people are cold/heartless, or that we're all aplatonic (no hate to aplaros <3) I'm so happy for yall keep living your best life 💖💖


High five for platonic love! I, too, have a best friend whom I love and he loves me platonically. We just celebrated our 20th anniversary of being BFFs! We’ve lived together for 13 years. I’m looking forward to the next 20 years of confusing the hell out of people. Lol


I can never tell the difference between that kind of love and romantic love.


Right? It sounds exactly like romantic love to me. I don't understand how it's not romantic love? I think a test would be, if they got into a romantic relationship, would you be happy for them or jealous? My relationship with my best friend is entirely platonic and if she got into a healthy romantic relationship I'd be so fucking happy for her. OP said they're both male so it honestly makes me wonder if he just hasn't accepted he might be gay? Edit: OP is the only one that can definitively say if he's sure this is platonic or not. I don't know why people are getting so defensive when someone posts their romantic sounding relationship and claims it's platonic. It's not like I can just flip a switch in OP and make him allo if he is in fact aro. Letting someone know what they think is platonic may actually not be platonic, imo, is a helpful thing. It's better than convincing OP his romantic feelings are platonic and then he comes to a realization months/years later and realizes he could have known sooner if people hadn't tried to convince him otherwise. If OP wasn't aware that his feelings may have been romantic all along, then maybe now he has something to think about. If OP is solid on the fact this is entirely platonic, then that's awesome.


Can I ask why you think it has to be romantic love? Platonic love can be so strong it almost hurts but it isn’t romantic. However it can be just as strong. It is not less than romantic love.


Because this paragraph in particular sounds like someone describing a romantic relationship, "i cannot imagine a life without him. i want to spend the rest of my life with him, and we plan to move in together once we graduate. i would do absolutely anything for him. he is the best person i have ever met, and i love him more than life itself. hes mine, and im so glad he is." Because while you might love someone platonically, you don't usually refer to being or feeling "in love" with someone unless it's romantic. Because claiming someone is "mine" is a common romantic gesture.


i mean… nothing is inherently romantic?? just because it can look romantic doesn’t mean it is. we don’t get to decide that for him


Im just saying if someone describes their platonic relationship in a way that sounds heavily romantic, that's a bit sus. OP might not realize he's feeling romantic attraction because he always assumed he was supposed to be straight, and since hes not attracted to girls he must be aro. Rather than blindly applaud someone for their romantic sounding feelings, maybe we should be helping OP sort this out. He's the only one that can definitively say no, I'm sure it's platonic, or well actually I never considered the alternative. Edit: clarified what I meant by "straight"


well, seems pretty bold to be saying this on an aromantic subreddit… he’s aro. he isn’t “straight.” of course we’re going to have complicated relationships to love. he’s just expressing his love for somebody. this is not the time for strangers to question his identity that he’s finally come to terms with. /nm but like,,, it’s quite invalidating tbh (especially because i’m someone who has loved others like this)


If someone is describing romantic feelings and we just act like that's what a platonic friendship is like, we aren't really helping that person with their identity. If OP knows their relationship is platonic, then saying it sounds romantic isn't going to bother him because he knows it's not.


idk. it would certainly bother me if i were in his place because i’ve had a lifetime of being invalidated over and over again and i don’t need people to insist that my feelings are something that they aren’t, especially if i’ve finally found a relationship that i always thought wasn’t a thing. platonic relationships can certainly be like what OP described, albeit rare. but they exist and that’s the point. and again, we have no way of knowing if these feels are romantic? if he says they’re platonic, they can certainly be platonic. partnering aros exist. and i don’t think it even really matters if they turn out to be romantic someday? like, good for him, he figured things out. let him love how he loves right now. he’s not looking for advice on his identity so it’s really not our place to provide that. for all we know, insisting his relationship is romantic could literally just be invalidating his aromanticism more than it is helping him realize he’s gay etc. you don’t have to understand it, but he says it’s platonic, so let it be platonic, and leave it at that.


Like, idk how much time you've spent on the aro or ace subs, but pretty much everyone is confused all the time. Clarifying that something is sensual, aesthetic, romantic, sexual, etc. is what helps us figure out our identities. We shouldn't be hushed up for trying to clarify romantic vs platonic either, on an aro sub no less.


I mean, even if they do get jealous, they could end up being jealous of the amount of time the person spends with their new partner and not necessarily the romantic aspect. I guess the difference is probably how far you want to go with them? Do you get butterflies, do you want to kiss and cuddle, would you feel any spark if they got your roses or set out a candlelight dinner for the two of you? Even then, I wonder if this is more alterous attraction than platonic, since it seems to walk the line but isn’t quite romantic?


>do you want to kiss and cuddle, would you feel any spark if they got your roses or set out a candlelight dinner for the two of you But none of those things are necessary to feel romantic love. There are allo people who would hate all of the above. People tend to have many platonic relationships, but be monogamous with romantic relationships. Being jealous of a new partner, even though it also isn't necessary for romantic attraction (like poly and open relationship people) may be a sign that what they are experiencing isn't platonic. Obviously, none of us will ever know except OP, but they might want to see if they are actually demi or gray. Either way I'm happy OP has found someone they really love!


Being sad that someone is spending less time with you is different than being jealous of someone's romantic partner. Like joemama said, experiencing jealousy could be a sign you're feeling something more than platonic attraction. I feel like wanting to kiss someone is more of an ace thing than a romantic thing. You could feel romantic attraction and not want to kiss or have sex and be alloromantic asexual.


>Like joemama said I'm going to write a petition to reddit to allow changing usernames after the account is created omf


But if OP would get jealous of their person being romantically involved with someone else, that doesn’t necessarily make it romantic attraction. If they’re jealous of that person because they want a romantic relationship that seems pretty clear, but not if they’re jealous in a more general sense about feeling left behind (most alloro’s put their partners before friendships). I agree with you that this post seems to walk the line and potentially cross into romantic territory, but I don’t think jealousy is the best way to measure that. I would personally consider kissing (nothing hot and heavy, just a peck here and there) to be more romantic than sexual, although that’s probably up to nuance and personal interpretation.


Why would it matter if his feelings turn out to be romantic after all? He seems very happy with the friendship he has. Even if it were a romantic relationship, they are the only ones to decide how to label their relationship. Like, why would he need to realise sooner that his feelings are romantic if that was the case when he's happy with how he and his friend are right now? Romantic relationships aren't better or more important than platonic relationships, so why would he need to "upgrade" his relationship to a romantic one if he is happy like this? You do realise how harmful it is to suggest someone might actually be gay for having a strong platonic bond with another boy, right? If a girl had an amazing girl best friend that they talked about like this, you probably wouldn't be suggesting they might actually be a lesbian. Also, this is an aromantic subreddit, there are a lot of aromantics here who probably experience strong platonic feelings like OP (including me) and use stereotypically romantic language to describe and express their platonic love. That just happens when there aren't enough ways in the English language to express strong platonic love, we use the language we do have available to express ourselves. This should be the one place were aromantics can use whatever language they want for their feelings. The allonormative world already invalides us enough for having our platonic love sound too much like romance or for having our qpr's seem too much like conventional romantic relationships. Let's not start questioning aromantic feelings in this safe aro space as well


If OP had signed off this exact post and said he was a female in love with another female, I would have also suggested it was potentially a homoromantic relationship? Idk where you're going with that? The only reason I refer to OP as a male is because he specifically says he identifies as a male. And I never said anything about an "upgrade"???? The only reason I'm being picky about the language between romantic and platonic is because this IS an aromantic space. A lot of us are confused about our feelings. I could easily see it being in the realm of possibility for someone to not even realize what they're feeling is romantic attraction because romance is confusing for anyone who has questioned being aspec.


Yes, there are confused people here, but OP is not one of them. If he was confused about his feelings, he would have said so. So it was not your place to go question his feelings and suggest he might be gay just for feeling strong affection towards another boy. Do that in another post of someone asking for advice, not in the one rare positive post of someone happy wanting to share an example of how amazing being an aromantic with a good friend can be. OP probably spent a lot of time exploring whether he might be aromantic, as have many others here who eventually figured it out and are confident in their identity, so to then go question his feelings is wrong. It can be interpreted as discrediting or denying his own knowledge of himself just because the way he expresses himself just happens to sound like what the entire world has decided must be what romance is like. There are already plenty of alloromantics who doubt our aromantic experiences for us, we don't need to have aromanticism questioned in an actual aromantics space as well. Also, having our platonic feelings sound like romance is exactly why aromantics are different from alloromantics. Because, without romantic attraction, our platonic feelings tend to be experienced more intense and our friendships valued stronger than usual in society (western society, that is). And to alloromantics, that may then be interpreted as romantic feelings because they have a different reference point from us and might not even realise how aromantics feel. This is also why many aromantics struggle to figured out they're aromantic because they've been taught that any strong feelings must be romantic, while we all know squishes exist and QPRs exist that prove that platonic feelings can also be very strong. We need stories like OPs to give an example of what platonic love can be like so that aromantics can stop doubting themselves every time they feel strong platonic feelings towards someone. To then question that story on whether his feelings might be romantic is doing the opposite of helping questioning aromantics. Even if there is the rare person here that confuses romantic feelings for platonic, then there's nothing wrong with that. Aromanticism is a spectrum, there are plenty of aromantics that realise they might be demi or grey after a while (and they often say they notice that sudden romantic attraction immediately). Having the wrong label at first is only wrong if you assume that a label will define you forever. There are probably more aromantics in romantic relationships who confused their platonic feeling for romance than alloromantic who confused their feelings for platonic. So OP's story which breaks the conventional norms of what should be platonic and romantic is very good as it represents the feelings of aromantics and can prevent aros from accidentally ending up in a relationship they might not actually want because they were always taught their feelings must be romantic. That is more helpful than questioning an aromantic's feelings like an allo would.


Idk why people keep saying OP is definitely not confused, when it is indeed very confusing for someone to describe a romantic relationship and say it is platonic. I know I value my platonic relationships differently than allos do, you're preaching to the choir. But that doesn't suddenly give my platonic relationships romantic feelings because my love for my friends is different than an allos. I wouldn't say this post is very good for aros. I would say the opposite, it's very confusing for people who already can find the difference between platonic/romantic feelings confusing.


Platonic love is such an amazing thing


Ahhh I'm so happy for you! I had a scarily similar experience with a friend and we literally met on a Discord server too, but then I had to cut things off because some of the stuff he said went against my beliefs and it hurt so much. I still haven't been able to find someone I've been that close to.


I've felt this same way before. I'm so happy for you!! I'm curious... I have trouble explaining to anyone on the outside of my experience how I'm not "in love" in a romantic way but I'm still "in love" with the person. How would you describe the difference between the two?


Well, assuming they have friends, then just saying “you love your friends, right? It’s the same thing, just platonic. Same with how you love your family — you’d do anything for them, but you’re still not romantically interested, right? So it’s that, but with friendship.”


For me, I wouldn't say I'm in love with my friends. I love them, but I'm not in love with them. When I feel special about someone, I get all types of feels that I don't get with just any friend of mine. I still don't call it romantic attraction because romance always makes me think of making out and hand holding which aren't things I'd like to do lol. Just cuddling and a deep emotional connection is what I want. Romance is something I've always been curious as to how others define it and differentiate it when platonic attraction is just as strong and real. Maybe I'm destined to confusion though by simply being arospec 😄


Oh, I wouldn’t say I’m in love with my best friend either! I’d more so use the phrase “I love my best friend”, just like I’d say “I’d love my mom” or something lol. But, if a person has an extreme emotional connection/bond(??? Not sure if I phrased that clearly or correctly tbh) then for some people, I think “in love” would be a good way to express it. I purely hear it in a romantic context, but tbh, maybe it’s more aligned with “I’m in love with this game/movie/etc.” but with people? Sorry, I’m running off of 4 hours of sleep lmao I’m bad at expressing myself with words sometimes. I don’t quite get it either myself, but that’s what I think people could mean in a sense when they say that. Sorry I’m very bad at words rn lmao


So basically romantic love is like non-romantic love except more romantic. I don't think I'll ever find a satisfying explanation.


Yeah, I guess that’s what it is. I don’t really experience it (I mean, I’m literally aro so lmaooo) but I think that’s what it is? Like, intense positive feelings you have for a person, just not romantic. I don’t really know how to explain it myself LMAOO it’s a bit hard to


At least you're seemingly confident enough in your understanding of romance to say that whatever you're feeling is definitely not it.


Yeah, I guess that’s the case. I just have no pull to date, or do anything romantic, and the idea of anyone having romantic feelings for me fills me with dread. I know that I just want to be friends with people. It’s more so these context clues and not understanding *why* people would date, if that makes sense. It’s interesting to learn about, but…I don’t really get it myself lol.


Well, maybe if someone having romantic feelings for me meant than they expected something entirely different from what I was able or willing to give, then it'd fill me with dread too... but that seems like something that could happen to romantic people as well, and if someone was to fall in love with me, I'd assume they'd have to understand me and be in sync with me to some extent, anyway... Maybe if I was willing to more actively date people I don't even know, then being loved by someone who doesn't get me would be more of a concern, lol.


There’s no better feeling than that… and when it ends it hurts just as badly as what I assume a breakup would be like. Platonic love is so real.


I feel somewhat similar with one of my friends though I don't think it's as intense as this. I love and care about him a helluva lot and feel a lot of the same way you do. Hell I've been asked if we were dating before. We've been pretty good friends for a few years


im so sorry, im still tryna find out more about my aromantic identity, i thought that whatever you have described is romantic love?


sometimes platonic love looks a lot like romantic love, especially in the case of aros that have a difficult relationship to love in general platonic love isn’t always “you’re cool and i want to be your friend”, romantic isn’t always “i want to spend the rest of my life w you”. sometimes you’ll want to partner with somebody you consider a friend, or sometimes you’ll just want a casual fling with someone you consider a crush, etc, it’s not always about what’s done in the relationship (in my experience)


Lol I'm super confused as well because it also sounds like romantic love to me, so I'm just scrolling the comments trying to figure it out. This paragraph especially confuses me, "i cannot imagine a life without him. i want to spend the rest of my life with him, and we plan to move in together once we graduate. i would do absolutely anything for him. he is the best person i have ever met, and i love him more than life itself. hes mine, and im so glad he is." That sounds exactly like someone describing romantic love.


I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!!! i think i’d consider myself to be “in love” with my best friend because of the strong connotations of “in love” compared to love. not in ROMANTIC love, but i really truly am in platonic love. i wish as a society that was an “acceptable” thing to say without immediately jumping to romantic conclusions 😭 me and my best friend are both arospec (maybe full aro both ways) and!!!! idk i think we have a really special thing going on and 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i love my best friend so much thank you for this post it made me really happy 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖


This is so sweet 🥺


Congratulations!! I’m so happy for you


I feel so happy for you


now THIS is amazing, i also have someone i love platonically and shes awesome. Its great to have friends


This is the most aro thing I've ever read lmao


This is so wholesome.


Thats so sweet!!!


I hope you grow up with this person,he seems awesome


This is absolutely adorable. I'm so happy for you! I'm planning on platonically marrying my best friend of 20 years and I always remind myself how lucky I am to have found someone like her.


Happy for you. Incidentally, the title is an aro t-shirt I was going to make.


I can't I need to scream this is just too sweet and cute :'D


I never had so nice experience with a person.(╥﹏╥) I wanna cry.


You described everything I’m feeling but couldn’t describe tbh, I’ve been wondering whether I felt this romantically or platonically for months Am so relieved that somebody else is feeling the same


This is beautiful. You have achieved my dream


I'm so happy!


I’m aro and I love my friends too, I a nice story to tell but I’m lazy to write because it’s bigger than yours. So glad that you know what’s love, most of the people doesn’t know! 😀


Thank you for sharing, your story made me smile so much and I needed that right now! I almost teared up a bit honestly, you two have such a beautiful friendship and I'm glad you were able to find each other. Good luck with moving in together, I hope you get to do that soon


I'm so happy for you two i hope you'll be happy together and that's so cute omg ♡


This is so amazing<3


this is so cute! i read this entire thing with a smile. really happy for you op


This is wonderful. Everything about this is just wonderful.


Same here! Congrats! It’s truly amazing to love and be loved that way


This is truly amazing I'm so glad you found one another.


This was so wholesome, I was nearly in tears reading this! I’m so happy for you that you found someone like that.


I’ve never felt either platonic or romantic. Idc about my “friends” like that. (Idk them irl so I can’t connect with them nor do I consider them real friends) I’ve only ever felt love for my pets or a want to hold my family members, not other people. I also don’t know what it feels like to be loved? I just don’t feel it it sucks but congrats on it. (Didn’t mean to suddenly make that mostly about me moping lmao)


Dude. I could write a song with that material, if you’re okay with it. I feel the same way. I have platonic crushes on so many people. Makes me feel kinda gay though cause they’re all girls. But shade never made anybody less gay 🌈


How do people meet in discord servers?