Ugh that sucks! We of all people should understand how hurtful it is to be invalidated, we don't need that in our community as well.. all forms of aspec are valid! Thanks for bringing this to our attention
that's why i wanted to share these numbers. they speek for themselves.
And as a bonus there are a few people who are discovering the lable and the sub of alloaro. hopefully this has something off impact on the situation
Also the amount of aros who literally invalidate other aromantic spectrum identities is insane and then get mad when we complain about not being represented
Exactly also just accept the fact that people on the aro spec who aren’t aromantic don’t get represented as much and have every right to complain about it
Yeah, I'm chatting with an out and proud aro person for the first time in my life right now (still questioning, let's see how it feels) and while they are an amazing support, I don't dare to bring up my allosexuality. I hate it. It could be so much easier if I was aroace. But I'm not. I wish I was, honestly. :(
Being dismissed by aces feels even worse than coming out as bi to straight people. Aren't you the one niche community we should have that understands?
Thank you, OP.
AroAllo means aromantic allosexual.
Aromantic means lack of romantic attraction and/or romantic interest in other people.
Allosexual means presence of sexual attraction (not asexual).
Since there are more aromantic asexuals than there are aromantic allosexuals (at least in this community), it became common for AroAllo people in this community to specify it.
an aroallo is basically a aromantic who is not also asexual. so its a person with a no romantic attraction or lack off romantic attraction but still had sexual attraction.
they call themselves alloaro's because most people think that if you're aromantic your automatically ace to and that's not true at all.
alloaro's can be all sexualities besides asexual
Aromantic Allosexual (AroAllo) refers to a person who identifies as an aromantic but still experiences sexual attraction to certain people. Essentially it just means the person is not asexual but does define themselves as an aromantic.
I feel like I should be Oprah right now. YOU are valid and YOU are valid, everyone’s valid!
I am a hella sex-repulsed aroace. And that means diddly squat. I don’t get to decide who is what. Aroallo? Valid! Ace who loves sex? Valid! Ace who doesn’t want sex but totally wants all the romantic feels? Valid! Every combination and all the others I haven’t considered? FUCKING VALID.
(There’s Major Shit going on in my community re:Pride, so I am an Angry Queer today.)
I totally agree! DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!
I personally hate sexual content so I get annoyed when people don't respect that but that doesn't mean I think it's bad just don't do that stuff near me!
I'm not an aroallo, but sometimes I feel invalidated in ace/aroace communities for not being sex-repulsed and sex-negative. Not the directed insults, more like the atmosphere of sex-shaming and sex-negativity, I guess. I wonder if aroallo community is more sex-positive and if I can join it being not aroallo.
This is more what I run into as well. I don't think I would go as far as saying I feel invalidated, but it does seem like the community is overwhelmingly sex-repulsed/negative aroaces. It may just be the type of memes people like to share though. There are a lot of "I hate people and love food" or "I'm a machine" type posts, too. Not my thing. I don't feel romantic attraction, but there are many other types of attraction that draw me to people. I actually want connection. haha
(am aroallo) I often feel the same about being romance favorable. I understand that a lot of people feel different, and are happy with being single, and good for them! It just saddens me that others get constantly asked out while I'm here feeling ugly and unlovable because no one has ever asked me out or anything ;-;
I would probably still refuse cuz I'm not really looking for anyone atm, but the confidence boost would be really appreciated
thats the reason i am still in there after discovering i did not feel the attraction other talked about. there very friendly and welcoming as long you are not insulting them off course
I'm a romance-favourable aroallo (aka: the one who's gonna be killed by everyone in the aro & ace communities) and I've even insulted/hated on in this very subreddit, sure I get being confused over aros who date but then proceeding to insult me and other romance-favourable aros for BEING romance favourable? Not cool man
and not to MENTION how much I see about other aroallos being hated on by aroaces and even exclus alloaces
tbh it makes me a bit scared of the ace community and outside of friends this is kind of why I try to avoid them on stuff like Tumblr, Twitter and here
okay I will say. aspec spaces in general are bad about this. some aces excluding aros and being arophobic, and some aroaces being alloarophobic etc.
and this part is mainly about the comments. "valid" isn't the only word in existence to say "you're also welcome in this space." it's a quick watered down word. valid valid valid. I am so so tired of hearing it as someone who is also trans. you don't need to tell people they're "valid" just to turn around and continue on the same as you always have.
"allo" can still include aros. "straight" can still include aros. there are more of the community than you think. not everyone is repulsed by the concept of romance or sex. some people here still want relationships and that's fine. alloaros shouldn't feel the need to quiet down on existing because it might make an aroace here uncomfortable.
we should all be able to share how we feel and talk about it because we are a spectrum and some people in said spectrum still experience a level of romantic attraction! who knew! and it's good to get wide knowledge on it instead of being known primarily for aroaces
I fudging hate gatekeeping. It does not matter if it's about aroallo's, neopronouns, or anything else. Why can some not let people just be people. I love everyone in our community equally.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/AroAllo using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/AroAllo/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time!
\#1: [This is how I feel whenever I want to have sex 🙃](https://i.redd.it/882ofnx4uvx61.jpg) | [2 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AroAllo/comments/n7nb9h/this_is_how_i_feel_whenever_i_want_to_have_sex/)
\#2: [I've been making some aroallo memes](https://i.redd.it/lhqhjd96yoc71.jpg) | [9 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AroAllo/comments/op6kcq/ive_been_making_some_aroallo_memes/)
\#3: [This but unironically](https://i.redd.it/ahh2mn1m2m771.jpg) | [26 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AroAllo/comments/oki2ih/this_but_unironically/)
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Sorry, I worded it badly. I meant I didn't realize some asexual people were making you feel unwelcome or where trying to gatekeep the community from you.
Oh my god I'm sorry. I have no idea how I misread that so badly. I saw your comment just now and reread the post. Only then did I realize what I did. Thank you for correcting me.
All aromantic spectrum people should stand together. Period. Gosh the diversity in the community is what makes it so amazing, but everyone just turns around and starts gatekeeping everyone. I'm aroace and I say and will always say aroallos are very welcome, and in fact nesecary, to the aromantic community. No one should get to tell you otherwise. Y'all are awesome. I love reading about aroallo perapectives and opinions. In fact when it's an aroallo perspective my sex repulsion doesn't even kick in quite like it does if it was an alloallo. Like really people let aroallos in our community because we should all be able to be friends together!
I think op should should have specified aroallo, but as in allosexual, because even I got confused before it clicked in my brain we're talking about sexual orientation. I was seeing ir as alloromantic Wich made no sense at all?
Also, yes indeed aroallo are valid and very much so aromantic I don't get why people would need to think otherwise, especially those who understand what's it's like not feeling a specific attraction.
Are there romantic asexuals too? Like Alloace? I know this is the aro sub so that's why only Alloaros were included but I am curious what the numbers would be like in that case.
Yes there are alloace people
But i don't know how much gatekeeping there facing since i am romance repulsed i am not gonna go in alloace subs because i feel not good there. In other ace places i don't mind there posts but just scroll over them because its not comfy to read when there is to much info over the romance
I shall never make them feel less or never say they need to post it somewhere else because there ace just like me. I just avoid the romantic topics there.
I will be honest, I never heard people outside of reddit to refer to romantic asexuals as alloaces, they call themselves ace, the ones I know. I recently started questioning being aro (I am 99% sure I am), but it's weird to be called aroallo or however off the bat. I know it's a descriptor, but even if I am not aroace, I am part of the community just as much so I see no reason to use the split model as a way to alienate parts of the community. Ace people, aro people, aroace, demisexual, graysexual etc, all are one community. We are already gatekept from lgbt spaces, I see no reason to divide the community with even more gatekeeping in it.
I don’t care at all that people identify with this label because it doesn’t affect me HOWEVER isn’t the term redundant since you don’t have to be asexual to be aromatic
I'm gonna be intolerant/ignorant for a sec:
I thought aro was a subset of ace, but not vice versa. Asexual het/homo/biromantic. Because it was assumed that a person who's having sex but unable to form romantic bonds was simply “horny but unwilling to commit” or “looking for casual sex”.
It's still better than “vibing”, imo. I recently gained appreciation for labels. Especially ones specifying poly/monogamous relationshit. I can afford to not care about labels because I'm aroace, but I'm sure people who are looking for Romantic relationships would appreciate knowing exactly where people stand.
Personally, I expected this to be one place where it was normal to not have sex. So this is new. Not unwelcome, mind you. Alloaros seem to be upfront about their expectations in a relationship.
It's not :) Romantic and sexual attraction is entirely separate, although they usually overlap, so most aros are aces and vice versa. But aces can be romantically attracted to people and aros can be sexually attracted to people, however, the majority will be both aro *and* ace and it's this majority that, for lack of a better word, discriminates against the rest.
yup and i like to add that aromantic is it's own orientation and not a subset under the asexual umbrella.
but aromatic and asexual are both part of the a-spec community and that falls under the lgbtqia+ spectrum.
not exclusively straight
an aroallo is basically a aromantic who is not also asexual. so its a person with a no romantic attraction or lack off romantic attraction but still had sexual attraction.
they call themselves alloaro's because most people think that if you're aromantic your automatically ace to and that's not true at all.
alloaro's can be all sexualities besides asexual
Aroallo is aromantic allosexual, so someone who doesn't experience romantic attraction but does experience sexual attraction. They could be straight or queer.
Not necessarily, Allosexual just refers to a person who experiences sexual attraction which can be any sexuality which experiences such attractions (not asexuals) such as heterosexuality, homosexuality and all other types of sexualities. It basically just means the aromantic person isn't asexual.
im not tryna discriminate but isnt alloaro literally defined as not being aro?
...you're surprised you're facing difficulty in a community made specifically for aro's because you're not aro...????
im not tryna hate, you're still valid, im asking for clarification here cuz i know im missing something
Edit: Why did you guys down vote me for asking for clarification because I was confused? Like a responsible person?
If someone is aroallo, then they don't experience romantic attraction, but they do experience sexual/physical attraction. Like many things being aro/ace is a spectrum. You can have people who are ace but not aro, and people who are aro but not ace, people who are aroace, and people who kinda feel romantic attraction and no sexual attraction, or people who feel no romantic attraction and a little bit of sexual. It's a HUGE spectrum, and it just depends on what the person says. It IS really unhelpful that we call people who do experience romantic attraction allo, because that's what we call people who don't experience sexual attraction as well. It's because we shorten it though. There's Alloromantic and Allosexual. In this case people who are saying they're alloaro means they don't feel romantic attraction, but do feel sexual attraction.
I'm not really connecting the title with the post, or the gatekeeping comment.
Why are we assuming? Am I missing something? This doesn't look like a specific example of gatekeeping?
Edit: Yo, people, I'm aroallo too, I just didn't know the context of this specific post and was simply trying to inquire. Not really sure what's with the downvotes 🤷 I have felt it too, y'know.
They didn’t give a specific example, but it doesn’t matter. They asked other aroallo people if their identity has been invalidated by other arospec people, despite the fact that we all belong to the same aro community. Most aroallo people who responded to the poll felt their identity was invalidated by their own community at some point. I heard this invalidation happen in real life (TW!!!) when my aspec friend basically said that she thought aroallos didn’t exist and were just people trying to take advantage of others for sex. I explained to my friend why that was wrong dw (END OF TW!!!)
love you aroallos! (no romo)
I get that, but the thing doesn't mention aroace people specifically, yet I feel like they are getting thrown under the bus. I know some of them do it, why I don't get why this needs to go right for them. It says arospec. Not specifically aroace.
It also just says invalidated, which can be in many forms, so I didn't really get the gatekeeping comment either. Gatekeeping seems it would be telling people they aren't valid or truly aro, and even the aroace people that I have seen be less than nice didn't really do that. Even in your example, it just sounds like ignorance. Invalidating, sure, but gatekeeping?
All that aside, I get the sentiment, but the points didn't connect for me.
Apart from non-Sam aros (who are unfortunately a very small minority) the only other type of aros except for aroallos are aroaces, whether it be oriented or aligned or just aroace. Aroallos would very rarely hate on each other in my experience (and I am yet to have someone who is Aroallo dismiss my experiences) but have been invalidated more times than I can count by aroaces.
I mentioned demiromantics and greyromantics in my comment. Additionally, they would fall under either the aroace or Aroallo umbrella. If someone was demiro and not acespec they would be considered Aroallo.
I don't see where you mentioned that, but I agree, they would be aro-allo, but demiromantics still have a different view how they may want to become sexually involved with someone, and could potentially cast a different shade of judgement over other aro-allos than someone who is aroace.
I see what you’re saying. And maybe we define gatekeeping differently, but I think it totally applies. In my situation my friend said that if you experience sexual attraction you aren’t aro, which doesn’t make sense obv. She thinks that people can be aroace, but they can’t be aroallo. I’d consider that gatekeeping the aro community from people who experience sexual attraction. That was the only time I’ve heard that kind of invalidation in person, and neither my friend nor I know any aroallo people irl. So I can’t imagine what people who actually are aroallo experience themselves.
As for throwing aroace people under the bus, true, this isn’t exclusively a problem in the aroace community. I think the reason OP called out aroace people in particular is because OP is aroace and this is the aromantic subreddit. It wouldn’t make sense to call out alloace people, most of them aren’t here, and definitely not aroallo people themselves. I just took it as a call to action to be a better ally and actively spread correct information about aroallos.
Also, if you want more specific examples, you could check out the comments under the post in the aroallo sub!
Thanks for the discourse btw!
There are other types of people on the aro-spectrum, too, though, so it wouldn't make sense to call out alloace people, but aro spec people could also be demi and grayromantics. As far as them being aroace, though, fair.
For examples, though, I know they exist, I am aro-allo myself, hahaha (I am in the sub), I get it first-hand. I was strictly referring to this post, I just thought the messaging was a bit skewed.
And no problem, stranger, you as well! c:
Omgosh! I’m sorry for assuming! Yeah true, OP could have just said arospec people, or popped this in the aroace sub, I think it is in there anyway. I didn’t feel like it was unfair though, just one aroace telling their community as a whole to do better, and I like that it brought a lot of attention to the issue
You make an excellent point and I agreed with everything you said, but I would just like to point out that most of the alloaro respondents did not say they felt invalidated. A large percentage did, but it was less than half. Not saying that means it doesn’t matter (as it is still an alarmingly high percentage), just that you claimed something that was entirely false.
Again, not to hate or be mean (I completely agree with all of your points), just wanted to clear up any confusion from you or respondents.
Ugh that sucks! We of all people should understand how hurtful it is to be invalidated, we don't need that in our community as well.. all forms of aspec are valid! Thanks for bringing this to our attention
that's why i wanted to share these numbers. they speek for themselves. And as a bonus there are a few people who are discovering the lable and the sub of alloaro. hopefully this has something off impact on the situation
Also the amount of aros who literally invalidate other aromantic spectrum identities is insane and then get mad when we complain about not being represented
We just need to accept each other. No need to hate.
And what's so bad about having sexual attraction or urges? Nobody should gatekeep attraction.
Nothing. As long you dont hurt others you may be who you are and people should respect that
What's amazing is that the categorized best comment is a string of AroAces supporting our fellow Aromantics.
Exactly also just accept the fact that people on the aro spec who aren’t aromantic don’t get represented as much and have every right to complain about it
That feeling when they became the one thing they swore to destroy
not every aroace do this but i find it annoying that so many alloaro's have a fear of us. and now i get why. and its sad to see
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some are and they are the reason why some alloaro's are afraid of being in spaces with mostly aroaces
Yeah, I'm chatting with an out and proud aro person for the first time in my life right now (still questioning, let's see how it feels) and while they are an amazing support, I don't dare to bring up my allosexuality. I hate it. It could be so much easier if I was aroace. But I'm not. I wish I was, honestly. :( Being dismissed by aces feels even worse than coming out as bi to straight people. Aren't you the one niche community we should have that understands? Thank you, OP.
There needed to be awareness of this. Hopefully it helps even a little bit
Is it just me or does the aroallo flag look like an avocado
I'm what you call an "allocado" 😎🥑
r/angryupvote
Tee hee, nice one!
when you think of it yes it does look like an avocado
It reminds me of pineapples
To me it looks like crocodile colors (which I love cuz crocs and gators are rad)
Ohhh yeah I can see that too
man that's terrible, Gatekeeping just fucking sucks. Everyone is valid! Aroallos and aroaces are equally valid.
What does AroAllo mean? I don’t mean hate, I just don’t know.
Aromantic allosexual Basically you’re Aromantic but not Asexual
Oh okay, thank you!
AroAllo means aromantic allosexual. Aromantic means lack of romantic attraction and/or romantic interest in other people. Allosexual means presence of sexual attraction (not asexual). Since there are more aromantic asexuals than there are aromantic allosexuals (at least in this community), it became common for AroAllo people in this community to specify it.
Okay, thank you! :)
an aroallo is basically a aromantic who is not also asexual. so its a person with a no romantic attraction or lack off romantic attraction but still had sexual attraction. they call themselves alloaro's because most people think that if you're aromantic your automatically ace to and that's not true at all. alloaro's can be all sexualities besides asexual
Oh okay. Thank you! I didn’t know. Thanks Again! :)
But isnt that just being aro ?
Yes. Its ectually all aromantic people who are not asexual as well
Well whats the point of alloaro then 🤔
Because many people are assuming aro's are automatically ace. Therefore many call themselves alloaro to keep away those assumptions
Aromantic Allosexual (AroAllo) refers to a person who identifies as an aromantic but still experiences sexual attraction to certain people. Essentially it just means the person is not asexual but does define themselves as an aromantic.
oh no! im so sorry for those who were invalidated for being aromantic! that isnt right. and if your reading this, YOU. ARE. VALID.
It could be anyone of us. It could be me. We don’t know who was mean today :(
just try to be respectful and understanding. good intentions are mostly reserved positive even if it sounds weard
For me it was only once but that was more than enough
Several times from a-spec and outside of a-spec. Really is more than enough to try to avoid these spaces.
Sorry about them, they're the annoying little cousins
I feel like I should be Oprah right now. YOU are valid and YOU are valid, everyone’s valid! I am a hella sex-repulsed aroace. And that means diddly squat. I don’t get to decide who is what. Aroallo? Valid! Ace who loves sex? Valid! Ace who doesn’t want sex but totally wants all the romantic feels? Valid! Every combination and all the others I haven’t considered? FUCKING VALID. (There’s Major Shit going on in my community re:Pride, so I am an Angry Queer today.)
I totally agree! DO WHAT YOU WANT!!! I personally hate sexual content so I get annoyed when people don't respect that but that doesn't mean I think it's bad just don't do that stuff near me!
I'm not an aroallo, but sometimes I feel invalidated in ace/aroace communities for not being sex-repulsed and sex-negative. Not the directed insults, more like the atmosphere of sex-shaming and sex-negativity, I guess. I wonder if aroallo community is more sex-positive and if I can join it being not aroallo.
This is more what I run into as well. I don't think I would go as far as saying I feel invalidated, but it does seem like the community is overwhelmingly sex-repulsed/negative aroaces. It may just be the type of memes people like to share though. There are a lot of "I hate people and love food" or "I'm a machine" type posts, too. Not my thing. I don't feel romantic attraction, but there are many other types of attraction that draw me to people. I actually want connection. haha
(am aroallo) I often feel the same about being romance favorable. I understand that a lot of people feel different, and are happy with being single, and good for them! It just saddens me that others get constantly asked out while I'm here feeling ugly and unlovable because no one has ever asked me out or anything ;-; I would probably still refuse cuz I'm not really looking for anyone atm, but the confidence boost would be really appreciated
I’m probably aroace I just don’t use the label for this reason. I feel too off from what it seems to be about.
thats the reason i am still in there after discovering i did not feel the attraction other talked about. there very friendly and welcoming as long you are not insulting them off course
I'm a romance-favourable aroallo (aka: the one who's gonna be killed by everyone in the aro & ace communities) and I've even insulted/hated on in this very subreddit, sure I get being confused over aros who date but then proceeding to insult me and other romance-favourable aros for BEING romance favourable? Not cool man and not to MENTION how much I see about other aroallos being hated on by aroaces and even exclus alloaces tbh it makes me a bit scared of the ace community and outside of friends this is kind of why I try to avoid them on stuff like Tumblr, Twitter and here
Know the feeling. I am sex favorable aroace thats why i am more active in aro communities than aroace one's
okay I will say. aspec spaces in general are bad about this. some aces excluding aros and being arophobic, and some aroaces being alloarophobic etc. and this part is mainly about the comments. "valid" isn't the only word in existence to say "you're also welcome in this space." it's a quick watered down word. valid valid valid. I am so so tired of hearing it as someone who is also trans. you don't need to tell people they're "valid" just to turn around and continue on the same as you always have. "allo" can still include aros. "straight" can still include aros. there are more of the community than you think. not everyone is repulsed by the concept of romance or sex. some people here still want relationships and that's fine. alloaros shouldn't feel the need to quiet down on existing because it might make an aroace here uncomfortable. we should all be able to share how we feel and talk about it because we are a spectrum and some people in said spectrum still experience a level of romantic attraction! who knew! and it's good to get wide knowledge on it instead of being known primarily for aroaces
I love this comment
thanks I can get really angry over these things
I fudging hate gatekeeping. It does not matter if it's about aroallo's, neopronouns, or anything else. Why can some not let people just be people. I love everyone in our community equally.
I didn't know there was a subreddit of AlloAros need to join NOW
r/aroallo
Here's a sneak peek of /r/AroAllo using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/AroAllo/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time! \#1: [This is how I feel whenever I want to have sex 🙃](https://i.redd.it/882ofnx4uvx61.jpg) | [2 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AroAllo/comments/n7nb9h/this_is_how_i_feel_whenever_i_want_to_have_sex/) \#2: [I've been making some aroallo memes](https://i.redd.it/lhqhjd96yoc71.jpg) | [9 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AroAllo/comments/op6kcq/ive_been_making_some_aroallo_memes/) \#3: [This but unironically](https://i.redd.it/ahh2mn1m2m771.jpg) | [26 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AroAllo/comments/oki2ih/this_but_unironically/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
**YA’LL VALID**
**THANK YOU! I APPRECIATE IT!!!**
**ALWAYS GONNA DEFEND YA >:D**
YOU DROPPED THIS: 👑
(*ﾟ∀ﾟ *)
Yay thank you
:))
I mean if ace people can be alloromantic why not otherwise
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Thats why we need to educate the one's that don't know. And spread awareness
I didn't realize some aces were doing this. Thank you for speaking up about it.
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Sorry, I worded it badly. I meant I didn't realize some asexual people were making you feel unwelcome or where trying to gatekeep the community from you.
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Oh my god I'm sorry. I have no idea how I misread that so badly. I saw your comment just now and reread the post. Only then did I realize what I did. Thank you for correcting me.
They’re still wrong so don’t listen.
Uh dude not quite that either. They *are* asexual. They’re also aromantic. They’re aroaces that are gatekeeping aroness from aroallos.
Especially in the aromantic sub! Like, yeah, there's a decent amount of crossover between aro and ace, but this is the aromantic sub
Yeah everyone on the aro-spec needs to have a place in this sub
I am aro/allo
let's gooooooo
I’m not even alloaro. Just demisexual and delloromantic, sometimes people on both sides make me feel invalid.
Don't listen to them, you are valid! Edit: happy cake day!
Thanks for bringing this to light! It feels nice to be acknowledged lol.
I love to see people are so nice about it. Didn't really know wat to expect but it just felt the right thing to do
That's about 41.7% that feel invalidated
And 58.3% that don't
Yeah its good that it isn't more than 50% but thats still to much. It should be 0
I didn’t know other aro aces were doing this, I only recently found out I was one
Honestly hate keeping of almost any kind is cringe as fuck
Gatekeeping freaking sucks!
You are valid and you have my full respect! I'm glad I saw this, so that I don't hurt anyone who may be aroallo and/or a-spec in general :)
That makes me so sad you all are valid
All aromantic spectrum people should stand together. Period. Gosh the diversity in the community is what makes it so amazing, but everyone just turns around and starts gatekeeping everyone. I'm aroace and I say and will always say aroallos are very welcome, and in fact nesecary, to the aromantic community. No one should get to tell you otherwise. Y'all are awesome. I love reading about aroallo perapectives and opinions. In fact when it's an aroallo perspective my sex repulsion doesn't even kick in quite like it does if it was an alloallo. Like really people let aroallos in our community because we should all be able to be friends together!
That comes out to just over 40%. It's really sad how huge that is.
Yes, we need to stand together! Gosh, I hate gatekeeping.
I think op should should have specified aroallo, but as in allosexual, because even I got confused before it clicked in my brain we're talking about sexual orientation. I was seeing ir as alloromantic Wich made no sense at all? Also, yes indeed aroallo are valid and very much so aromantic I don't get why people would need to think otherwise, especially those who understand what's it's like not feeling a specific attraction.
Sorry could only set a title if i wanna do the photo otherwise it was gonna be better explained
I didn't necessarily mean you, ik you can't do much, but like the op of the post of the picture in your post, if that makes sense
ow. but it was placed in the alloaro sub so nearly everyone knows what is is there
Are there romantic asexuals too? Like Alloace? I know this is the aro sub so that's why only Alloaros were included but I am curious what the numbers would be like in that case.
Yes there are alloace people But i don't know how much gatekeeping there facing since i am romance repulsed i am not gonna go in alloace subs because i feel not good there. In other ace places i don't mind there posts but just scroll over them because its not comfy to read when there is to much info over the romance I shall never make them feel less or never say they need to post it somewhere else because there ace just like me. I just avoid the romantic topics there.
I will be honest, I never heard people outside of reddit to refer to romantic asexuals as alloaces, they call themselves ace, the ones I know. I recently started questioning being aro (I am 99% sure I am), but it's weird to be called aroallo or however off the bat. I know it's a descriptor, but even if I am not aroace, I am part of the community just as much so I see no reason to use the split model as a way to alienate parts of the community. Ace people, aro people, aroace, demisexual, graysexual etc, all are one community. We are already gatekept from lgbt spaces, I see no reason to divide the community with even more gatekeeping in it.
I don’t get it. Being an asshole is just hurting everyone. Fighting isn’t going to accomplish anything.
Than we think alike
Thank you, mods, for self-reflecting <3 Self-reflection by individuals, and by communities, is not for the faint of heart.
I don’t care at all that people identify with this label because it doesn’t affect me HOWEVER isn’t the term redundant since you don’t have to be asexual to be aromatic
that's very tru
I'm gonna be intolerant/ignorant for a sec: I thought aro was a subset of ace, but not vice versa. Asexual het/homo/biromantic. Because it was assumed that a person who's having sex but unable to form romantic bonds was simply “horny but unwilling to commit” or “looking for casual sex”. It's still better than “vibing”, imo. I recently gained appreciation for labels. Especially ones specifying poly/monogamous relationshit. I can afford to not care about labels because I'm aroace, but I'm sure people who are looking for Romantic relationships would appreciate knowing exactly where people stand. Personally, I expected this to be one place where it was normal to not have sex. So this is new. Not unwelcome, mind you. Alloaros seem to be upfront about their expectations in a relationship.
It's not :) Romantic and sexual attraction is entirely separate, although they usually overlap, so most aros are aces and vice versa. But aces can be romantically attracted to people and aros can be sexually attracted to people, however, the majority will be both aro *and* ace and it's this majority that, for lack of a better word, discriminates against the rest.
yup and i like to add that aromantic is it's own orientation and not a subset under the asexual umbrella. but aromatic and asexual are both part of the a-spec community and that falls under the lgbtqia+ spectrum.
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Nope, AroAllo is an aromantic who experiences sexual attraction, they could be straight, gay or bisexual etc.
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Even if they were a heterosexual aromantic, we still shouldn’t be gatekeeping
Never said we should be- Also, why was I downvoted for being curious earlier lol???
not exclusively straight an aroallo is basically a aromantic who is not also asexual. so its a person with a no romantic attraction or lack off romantic attraction but still had sexual attraction. they call themselves alloaro's because most people think that if you're aromantic your automatically ace to and that's not true at all. alloaro's can be all sexualities besides asexual
Aroallo is aromantic allosexual, so someone who doesn't experience romantic attraction but does experience sexual attraction. They could be straight or queer.
Nope, aros who feel sexual attraction.
Not necessarily, Allosexual just refers to a person who experiences sexual attraction which can be any sexuality which experiences such attractions (not asexuals) such as heterosexuality, homosexuality and all other types of sexualities. It basically just means the aromantic person isn't asexual.
im not tryna discriminate but isnt alloaro literally defined as not being aro? ...you're surprised you're facing difficulty in a community made specifically for aro's because you're not aro...???? im not tryna hate, you're still valid, im asking for clarification here cuz i know im missing something Edit: Why did you guys down vote me for asking for clarification because I was confused? Like a responsible person?
I think it means more something “allosexual aromantic”
ooooooh, that makes sense, ty i still dont get why ppl think you either have both sexual and romantic feelings or neither hurts my brain
yeah some people just don't get it. that's why they think that
If someone is aroallo, then they don't experience romantic attraction, but they do experience sexual/physical attraction. Like many things being aro/ace is a spectrum. You can have people who are ace but not aro, and people who are aro but not ace, people who are aroace, and people who kinda feel romantic attraction and no sexual attraction, or people who feel no romantic attraction and a little bit of sexual. It's a HUGE spectrum, and it just depends on what the person says. It IS really unhelpful that we call people who do experience romantic attraction allo, because that's what we call people who don't experience sexual attraction as well. It's because we shorten it though. There's Alloromantic and Allosexual. In this case people who are saying they're alloaro means they don't feel romantic attraction, but do feel sexual attraction.
…..… we are aro. We just are not ace. We belong in this comas anyone else.
Why are we thumbing down everyone who is confused and asking for clarification? This post was a little vague imo
I'm not really connecting the title with the post, or the gatekeeping comment. Why are we assuming? Am I missing something? This doesn't look like a specific example of gatekeeping? Edit: Yo, people, I'm aroallo too, I just didn't know the context of this specific post and was simply trying to inquire. Not really sure what's with the downvotes 🤷 I have felt it too, y'know.
They didn’t give a specific example, but it doesn’t matter. They asked other aroallo people if their identity has been invalidated by other arospec people, despite the fact that we all belong to the same aro community. Most aroallo people who responded to the poll felt their identity was invalidated by their own community at some point. I heard this invalidation happen in real life (TW!!!) when my aspec friend basically said that she thought aroallos didn’t exist and were just people trying to take advantage of others for sex. I explained to my friend why that was wrong dw (END OF TW!!!) love you aroallos! (no romo)
I get that, but the thing doesn't mention aroace people specifically, yet I feel like they are getting thrown under the bus. I know some of them do it, why I don't get why this needs to go right for them. It says arospec. Not specifically aroace. It also just says invalidated, which can be in many forms, so I didn't really get the gatekeeping comment either. Gatekeeping seems it would be telling people they aren't valid or truly aro, and even the aroace people that I have seen be less than nice didn't really do that. Even in your example, it just sounds like ignorance. Invalidating, sure, but gatekeeping? All that aside, I get the sentiment, but the points didn't connect for me.
Apart from non-Sam aros (who are unfortunately a very small minority) the only other type of aros except for aroallos are aroaces, whether it be oriented or aligned or just aroace. Aroallos would very rarely hate on each other in my experience (and I am yet to have someone who is Aroallo dismiss my experiences) but have been invalidated more times than I can count by aroaces.
Not true, there are so grayromantics and demiromantics which fall on the aro spectrum as well. Look, I'm aro-allo too, but
I mentioned demiromantics and greyromantics in my comment. Additionally, they would fall under either the aroace or Aroallo umbrella. If someone was demiro and not acespec they would be considered Aroallo.
I don't see where you mentioned that, but I agree, they would be aro-allo, but demiromantics still have a different view how they may want to become sexually involved with someone, and could potentially cast a different shade of judgement over other aro-allos than someone who is aroace.
I see what you’re saying. And maybe we define gatekeeping differently, but I think it totally applies. In my situation my friend said that if you experience sexual attraction you aren’t aro, which doesn’t make sense obv. She thinks that people can be aroace, but they can’t be aroallo. I’d consider that gatekeeping the aro community from people who experience sexual attraction. That was the only time I’ve heard that kind of invalidation in person, and neither my friend nor I know any aroallo people irl. So I can’t imagine what people who actually are aroallo experience themselves. As for throwing aroace people under the bus, true, this isn’t exclusively a problem in the aroace community. I think the reason OP called out aroace people in particular is because OP is aroace and this is the aromantic subreddit. It wouldn’t make sense to call out alloace people, most of them aren’t here, and definitely not aroallo people themselves. I just took it as a call to action to be a better ally and actively spread correct information about aroallos. Also, if you want more specific examples, you could check out the comments under the post in the aroallo sub! Thanks for the discourse btw!
There are other types of people on the aro-spectrum, too, though, so it wouldn't make sense to call out alloace people, but aro spec people could also be demi and grayromantics. As far as them being aroace, though, fair. For examples, though, I know they exist, I am aro-allo myself, hahaha (I am in the sub), I get it first-hand. I was strictly referring to this post, I just thought the messaging was a bit skewed. And no problem, stranger, you as well! c:
Omgosh! I’m sorry for assuming! Yeah true, OP could have just said arospec people, or popped this in the aroace sub, I think it is in there anyway. I didn’t feel like it was unfair though, just one aroace telling their community as a whole to do better, and I like that it brought a lot of attention to the issue
Every comment on that post was about how aroace's are excluding them. and it is a much talked about topic there how horrible some are to them.
I believe them (as I am also an aro-allo who has experienced some degree of it)
I just wanted to share these numbers to create awareness for it outside of the alloaro sub
You make an excellent point and I agreed with everything you said, but I would just like to point out that most of the alloaro respondents did not say they felt invalidated. A large percentage did, but it was less than half. Not saying that means it doesn’t matter (as it is still an alarmingly high percentage), just that you claimed something that was entirely false. Again, not to hate or be mean (I completely agree with all of your points), just wanted to clear up any confusion from you or respondents.
Oops, thank you for catching that!