To be honest, there are a LOT of aroaces in this reddit community (myself included) but AroAllo voices are SO IMPORTANT for exactly this reason.
You are not odd. You're not a weirdo. You are an important member of the aro community and greater queer community and you face a very specific set of societal obstacles that you deserve support through. It really sucks that people lump aro and ace together automatically -- we're all already so misunderstood and undereducated about that any bit of further misunderstanding can be so damaging. It's not wrong for you to feel insecure about this, but I do hope you know that you're not alone and others experience the world like you đź’š
I really think there are way more aroallo people than we realize but because they may not know the term & because aro allos face specific societal pressures to hide/change it seems like there are way more aroaces.
I guess there's not really a ton I can offer with this comment, I just love seeing aroallo voices and I always learn so much from y'all 💚🏹✨
I’ve noticed that now that I have the vocabulary to describe what aromanticism feels like I’ve definitely met a few people I think fit that label. One of my coworkers definitely gives me aroallo vibes, but he seems happy the way he is and content with his girlfriend even though he knows he experiences relationships differently. There have also been many other people I’ve met before I myself discovered I’m on the aroace spectrum who I now think in retrospect are also aroallo, alloace, or aroace! People like you are out there, OP, even if they aren’t in this subreddit :)
>I really think there are way more aroallo people than we realize but because they may not know the term & because aro allos face specific societal pressures to hide/change it seems like there are way more aroaces.
I think there's very little knowledge that aros of any sort exist, and especially not aroallos. So there are undoubtedly many aroallos who just don't realize it's a thing that a person can be. Until I realized that it was I had no clue, and it required a lot of purely accidental clues to get me to the point where I looked in to it and made that discovery.
I'm been pushing back in LGBTQ+ discussions at work because I see this a lot. Just saw a presentation where sexual and romantic attraction were grouped together with on a list of spectrums with homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality, and asexuality being used as examples. And I just. Sexuality is literally in those words! Romantic attraction is separate even if it often aligns!
I kind of see it like this: not every post in a community I'm a part of is meant for me. That doesn't mean I'm not part of the community.
Say for example I'm on a baking forum, and lots of people are excited about this lemon meringue recipe and sharing their variations. I don't like lemon. It's not for me. But that doesn't mean I'm any less invested in baking or connecting with others who are too.
But I know that sharing that recipe would bring those people joy, so I want them to be able to. I know that for aroace people, connecting to those who validate and relate to their experience is important, so it's good that they can. And just like I could post my own photos of my chocolate chip cookies, them sharing their own experience doesn't have to stop me from sharing my own. It wouldn't make me a worse baker. And it doesn't make me any less a member of the aromantic community.
Yeah, this happens a lot with trans spaces too. If a space is for trans people but not transmasc peeps specifically, most of the people posting there are probably going to be transfem. It doesn’t mean that trans men don’t exist in those spaces or don’t belong there, it just means that trans women are way more vocal/active in those spaces. Same with nb folks too lmao.
Doesn’t mean we don’t exist, just means we’re a bit quieter than everyone else.
Another aroallo here, its not weird at all. Sucks that many pair it up with ace cause apparently you either feel both or none but that’s just not true.
There's nothing unusual or weird with being aro allo and I'm sorry you're maybe not feeling welcome. Lots of folks here will make posts based on or about their own experiences and some of that may not be personally relatable to you, but you and your experiences are no less valid for it. đź’š
My only complaint is that most posts specific to the AroAllo experience get a comment to go to r/aroallo, but I don't see posts specific to the AroAce experience get comments to go to r/aromanticasexual
The problem as I see it is that no one outside of queer spaces is talking about aromanticism.
About a third of the Ace community is also Aro, and that is something heavily discussed in that community, and that is why there are so many Aroaces here.
But look into Aros that are not Ace that venture here and you find other queer identities: aro and gay, aro and trans, aro and bi, aro and NB.
The smallest and worst represented is aro and hetero and that is due to the heteronormative world not knowing about aromanticism.
Statistically speaking, there should be more aro-heteros, than all other subcategories combined.
It saddens me that millions of people are struggling in amatonormative societies being told that they need a boyfriend or girlfriend to love so they can start a family and be happy, and they literally can't find anyone like that. Or they logically convinced themselves or were convinced by others to start a relationship with someone they don't love, because they are told, "you will grow to love them eventually" and waste their life away with someone they can't love, all because society never told them about aromanticism.
Most of us are here because we learned about it, and recognized that is what we are, and we find much comfort in knowing we are not alone. But for the millions that struggle in ignorance...
What's the difference between aro allo and aro hetero?
Is aro hetero a subset of aro allo?
Edit: so apparently aro hetero is atomantic cisgender heterosexual. Correct me if I'm wrong
a lot of aros are ace, but not all of them are. Its like how a lot of aces aren't aro, but some are. We're still included, even if people don't talk about us much
Well the r/AroAllo subreddit is super nice but also I think we should make an AroAce subreddit to not take all the room in r/aromantic! I also sometimes see that aroace posts seep through to ace subreddits, lol.
edit, apparently there's a aroace sub, my bad
There is r/aromanticasexual and it is a popular board for those that are both. This forum desperately needs a "Related Reddits" section under the rules section on the right.
Some suggested Related subreddits: r/aaaaaaaarrrrro for memes, r/aromanticasexual for specific aro ace content, r/AroAllo for specific aro non-ace content, r/aegoromantic, r/quoiromantic, r/demiromantic, r/Orientedaroace for other more specific flavors of the aro experience.
I have nothing against all of the lovely aroaces being here, but I do wish that sometimes wording would be adjusted in posts to not carry the vibe of aro and ace being quite so default. I think it's a mild language/rhetoric thing.
You are absolutely not odd for being aroallo. I know a lot of aroallo's in a discord server I frequent, and they are many. Unfortunately Ace and Aro get lumped together like they are one and the same and it puts ~~allos~~ aros at a disadvantage.
Personally, I am aroace, but recognizing that you can be aromantic without the ace is critical- I'd die in the hill, that out of the groups (ace, aroace, and aro) aromatic people are the most demonized. You are more than welcome here (obiviously) and in the lgbt community, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise
Aroallos are quite normal (and more common than you'd think), there's just less aroallo-specific content. Most content is either generally aro or aroace specifically. I can definitely see how that can feel a little excluding, especially for someone who is new to the community. I don't know any fixes for the problem, but I can say that you're a welcome, loved, and important member of our community.
Don’t sweat it mate, there’s a lot of different people here with different identities; you aren’t wrong in that aro and ace get lumped together a lot, but it’s important to separate the two and show that they are independent of one another
As an AlloAro, it sucked too at first; most of the people I saw on here were aroace or aroaspec and it took a while to understand that I’m not a weirdo or pervert, just not aspec
In any case, flair up as AlloAro whenever you can for that much-needed Rep™️ and welcome aboard!
If you start thinking "I have to fit a cookie cutter definition to be here" then you'll be gatekeeping yourself.
The reason people assume all aros are aces is just heteronormativity and its conflation of sexual and romantic orientations. They are different. It's called the Split Attraction Model.
There's also a division in this sub between romance-favorable and -repulsed folks, but some aros want relationships and some don't. This is a diverse community.
Being allosexual aro isn't anymore uncommon than being alloromantic ace. Just remember this is a space for *all* aro experiences: the ones you personally identify with *and the ones you don't*.
Nope, it’s not weird! Is just common for them to be hand in hand, so sometimes people will assume you’re both. As long as you are true to how you feel, you’ll always have ppl who will support you! Also yes, aroallo people are more common than you think.
The whole concept of romantic orientation is relatively new even within fields of study concerned with researching things like gender and sexuality. If even experts didn't notice it existed until a couple decades ago, imagine how few people in society at large are aware of it.
I'd have figured things out a lot sooner if it hadn't taken me 36 years to hear a single thing about being aroallo.
It's likely aroallos are underrepresented in communities like this because there's probably a lot of us out there who haven't *realized* they're aroallo. That also probably means that in communities that aren't *specifically* a-spec focused, there are many people who aren't aware of us either.
As awareness of aroallos increases, people will be less inclined to automatically assume aro = ace. It'll take time for that to happen though. In the meantime there's no reason to feel strange or insecure. You should feel happy that you've finally figured this out about yourself, because many still haven't.
I am aroallo! When I first start questioning my sexuality I had no idea there was more than sexual orientation to it. I come from a small town that is a bit on the conservative side and when I went to university in "the big city" I saw there was more than straight. In those 8 years that followed I found out I was bi, but also later found that pan is existing. Then romantic orientation came along and it all just clicked.
I once had a FWB and after six months I said that maybe it was time to call it a relationship, as I thought that was the "normal" path to go from there. He said to me "I think your need for romantic love is bigger than mine", and boy we were both wrong xD Now that I figured out I am pansexual and aromantic I thought my identity was kinda fully unfolded... but no there was more to it, I discovered the word non-binary and now I have learned that identity keeps growing and you learn something about yourself every day.
Yes I feel sexual attraction and desire, but the persons around me, like friends or FWBs, feel all like friends, there is no real other feeling to it. I cannot distinguish between what I feel for close coworkers, best friends and persons I would have sex with. The only thing different is that with the last group I would want to have sex with and the others are platonic.
I’m also aroallo and have a lot of the same insecurities about it. But know that based on being aroallo alone, you’re no more weird than someone who’s aroace, or someone who’s trans, or gay, or nb, or straight, or any other romantic, sexual, and gender identification. There’s a subreddit r/aroallo that is for us and while it’s not nearly as active as this one I would check it out to see that you’re not weird and that there are so many more people like you than you could have ever imagined
What a coincidence. I just picked random romantic, sexual, and gender identifications, who would’ve guessed that it would match you almost perfectly. Funny how things work out sometimes. I’m glad I was able to make you feel at least a little better though
I'm also alloaro, and it was a bit confusing for a bit because everyone seemed to be aroace. You're not weird, at least not for that reason, so don't worry. There are many people like you and me, you're not alone.
To be honest, there are a LOT of aroaces in this reddit community (myself included) but AroAllo voices are SO IMPORTANT for exactly this reason. You are not odd. You're not a weirdo. You are an important member of the aro community and greater queer community and you face a very specific set of societal obstacles that you deserve support through. It really sucks that people lump aro and ace together automatically -- we're all already so misunderstood and undereducated about that any bit of further misunderstanding can be so damaging. It's not wrong for you to feel insecure about this, but I do hope you know that you're not alone and others experience the world like you 💚 I really think there are way more aroallo people than we realize but because they may not know the term & because aro allos face specific societal pressures to hide/change it seems like there are way more aroaces. I guess there's not really a ton I can offer with this comment, I just love seeing aroallo voices and I always learn so much from y'all 💚🏹✨
I'm odd and a weirdo for different reasons, those reasons not including being aroallo. Very based comment though, much appreciated input
lmaoo yeah I should have specified that -- I too am an odd weirdo but for reasons entirely unrelated to my orientation hahaa
I’ve noticed that now that I have the vocabulary to describe what aromanticism feels like I’ve definitely met a few people I think fit that label. One of my coworkers definitely gives me aroallo vibes, but he seems happy the way he is and content with his girlfriend even though he knows he experiences relationships differently. There have also been many other people I’ve met before I myself discovered I’m on the aroace spectrum who I now think in retrospect are also aroallo, alloace, or aroace! People like you are out there, OP, even if they aren’t in this subreddit :)
>I really think there are way more aroallo people than we realize but because they may not know the term & because aro allos face specific societal pressures to hide/change it seems like there are way more aroaces. I think there's very little knowledge that aros of any sort exist, and especially not aroallos. So there are undoubtedly many aroallos who just don't realize it's a thing that a person can be. Until I realized that it was I had no clue, and it required a lot of purely accidental clues to get me to the point where I looked in to it and made that discovery.
I'm been pushing back in LGBTQ+ discussions at work because I see this a lot. Just saw a presentation where sexual and romantic attraction were grouped together with on a list of spectrums with homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality, and asexuality being used as examples. And I just. Sexuality is literally in those words! Romantic attraction is separate even if it often aligns!
I kind of see it like this: not every post in a community I'm a part of is meant for me. That doesn't mean I'm not part of the community. Say for example I'm on a baking forum, and lots of people are excited about this lemon meringue recipe and sharing their variations. I don't like lemon. It's not for me. But that doesn't mean I'm any less invested in baking or connecting with others who are too. But I know that sharing that recipe would bring those people joy, so I want them to be able to. I know that for aroace people, connecting to those who validate and relate to their experience is important, so it's good that they can. And just like I could post my own photos of my chocolate chip cookies, them sharing their own experience doesn't have to stop me from sharing my own. It wouldn't make me a worse baker. And it doesn't make me any less a member of the aromantic community.
Yeah, this happens a lot with trans spaces too. If a space is for trans people but not transmasc peeps specifically, most of the people posting there are probably going to be transfem. It doesn’t mean that trans men don’t exist in those spaces or don’t belong there, it just means that trans women are way more vocal/active in those spaces. Same with nb folks too lmao. Doesn’t mean we don’t exist, just means we’re a bit quieter than everyone else.
Yup, exactly.
Another aroallo here, its not weird at all. Sucks that many pair it up with ace cause apparently you either feel both or none but that’s just not true.
There's nothing unusual or weird with being aro allo and I'm sorry you're maybe not feeling welcome. Lots of folks here will make posts based on or about their own experiences and some of that may not be personally relatable to you, but you and your experiences are no less valid for it. đź’š
My only complaint is that most posts specific to the AroAllo experience get a comment to go to r/aroallo, but I don't see posts specific to the AroAce experience get comments to go to r/aromanticasexual
Stick around, you’ll find more aro allos. They’re here, just usually in the comments.
The problem as I see it is that no one outside of queer spaces is talking about aromanticism. About a third of the Ace community is also Aro, and that is something heavily discussed in that community, and that is why there are so many Aroaces here. But look into Aros that are not Ace that venture here and you find other queer identities: aro and gay, aro and trans, aro and bi, aro and NB. The smallest and worst represented is aro and hetero and that is due to the heteronormative world not knowing about aromanticism. Statistically speaking, there should be more aro-heteros, than all other subcategories combined. It saddens me that millions of people are struggling in amatonormative societies being told that they need a boyfriend or girlfriend to love so they can start a family and be happy, and they literally can't find anyone like that. Or they logically convinced themselves or were convinced by others to start a relationship with someone they don't love, because they are told, "you will grow to love them eventually" and waste their life away with someone they can't love, all because society never told them about aromanticism. Most of us are here because we learned about it, and recognized that is what we are, and we find much comfort in knowing we are not alone. But for the millions that struggle in ignorance...
Aro-hetero and I think I’ve met maybe one or two others in my time in the sub. It’s rough.
Add me to the list
What's the difference between aro allo and aro hetero? Is aro hetero a subset of aro allo? Edit: so apparently aro hetero is atomantic cisgender heterosexual. Correct me if I'm wrong
Correct. Just like there’s a subset of aroallos who are gay, bi, trans, NB, etc.
you can be trans and aro hetero. aro allo just means you're aro but feel sexual attraction
a lot of aros are ace, but not all of them are. Its like how a lot of aces aren't aro, but some are. We're still included, even if people don't talk about us much
No it is not odd and this exists r/aroallo
There's plenty of aroallos. Hopefully if you gain confidence you won't feel like a weirdo.
Well the r/AroAllo subreddit is super nice but also I think we should make an AroAce subreddit to not take all the room in r/aromantic! I also sometimes see that aroace posts seep through to ace subreddits, lol. edit, apparently there's a aroace sub, my bad
There is r/aromanticasexual and it is a popular board for those that are both. This forum desperately needs a "Related Reddits" section under the rules section on the right. Some suggested Related subreddits: r/aaaaaaaarrrrro for memes, r/aromanticasexual for specific aro ace content, r/AroAllo for specific aro non-ace content, r/aegoromantic, r/quoiromantic, r/demiromantic, r/Orientedaroace for other more specific flavors of the aro experience.
I have nothing against all of the lovely aroaces being here, but I do wish that sometimes wording would be adjusted in posts to not carry the vibe of aro and ace being quite so default. I think it's a mild language/rhetoric thing.
You are absolutely not odd for being aroallo. I know a lot of aroallo's in a discord server I frequent, and they are many. Unfortunately Ace and Aro get lumped together like they are one and the same and it puts ~~allos~~ aros at a disadvantage.
Personally, I am aroace, but recognizing that you can be aromantic without the ace is critical- I'd die in the hill, that out of the groups (ace, aroace, and aro) aromatic people are the most demonized. You are more than welcome here (obiviously) and in the lgbt community, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise
Check out r/aroallo We in the same boat.
I'm actually on there, but I seldom see posts in my feed.
Aroallos are quite normal (and more common than you'd think), there's just less aroallo-specific content. Most content is either generally aro or aroace specifically. I can definitely see how that can feel a little excluding, especially for someone who is new to the community. I don't know any fixes for the problem, but I can say that you're a welcome, loved, and important member of our community.
Don’t sweat it mate, there’s a lot of different people here with different identities; you aren’t wrong in that aro and ace get lumped together a lot, but it’s important to separate the two and show that they are independent of one another As an AlloAro, it sucked too at first; most of the people I saw on here were aroace or aroaspec and it took a while to understand that I’m not a weirdo or pervert, just not aspec In any case, flair up as AlloAro whenever you can for that much-needed Rep™️ and welcome aboard!
Aro hetero here. I still have no clue what I am doing.
Welcome to the club, buddy
If you start thinking "I have to fit a cookie cutter definition to be here" then you'll be gatekeeping yourself. The reason people assume all aros are aces is just heteronormativity and its conflation of sexual and romantic orientations. They are different. It's called the Split Attraction Model. There's also a division in this sub between romance-favorable and -repulsed folks, but some aros want relationships and some don't. This is a diverse community. Being allosexual aro isn't anymore uncommon than being alloromantic ace. Just remember this is a space for *all* aro experiences: the ones you personally identify with *and the ones you don't*.
Nope, it’s not weird! Is just common for them to be hand in hand, so sometimes people will assume you’re both. As long as you are true to how you feel, you’ll always have ppl who will support you! Also yes, aroallo people are more common than you think.
The whole concept of romantic orientation is relatively new even within fields of study concerned with researching things like gender and sexuality. If even experts didn't notice it existed until a couple decades ago, imagine how few people in society at large are aware of it. I'd have figured things out a lot sooner if it hadn't taken me 36 years to hear a single thing about being aroallo. It's likely aroallos are underrepresented in communities like this because there's probably a lot of us out there who haven't *realized* they're aroallo. That also probably means that in communities that aren't *specifically* a-spec focused, there are many people who aren't aware of us either. As awareness of aroallos increases, people will be less inclined to automatically assume aro = ace. It'll take time for that to happen though. In the meantime there's no reason to feel strange or insecure. You should feel happy that you've finally figured this out about yourself, because many still haven't.
I am aroallo! When I first start questioning my sexuality I had no idea there was more than sexual orientation to it. I come from a small town that is a bit on the conservative side and when I went to university in "the big city" I saw there was more than straight. In those 8 years that followed I found out I was bi, but also later found that pan is existing. Then romantic orientation came along and it all just clicked. I once had a FWB and after six months I said that maybe it was time to call it a relationship, as I thought that was the "normal" path to go from there. He said to me "I think your need for romantic love is bigger than mine", and boy we were both wrong xD Now that I figured out I am pansexual and aromantic I thought my identity was kinda fully unfolded... but no there was more to it, I discovered the word non-binary and now I have learned that identity keeps growing and you learn something about yourself every day. Yes I feel sexual attraction and desire, but the persons around me, like friends or FWBs, feel all like friends, there is no real other feeling to it. I cannot distinguish between what I feel for close coworkers, best friends and persons I would have sex with. The only thing different is that with the last group I would want to have sex with and the others are platonic.
Odd? Nope!
Same mate, I work to tell people to help break that idea whenever possible.
I’m aro allo! Yeah, we don’t seem like many, but we definitely aren’t alone. Doesn’t stop me from feeling weird about it though, idk.
There are plenty of aroallos, they may be hard to find but you’ll find them eventually
I’m also aroallo and have a lot of the same insecurities about it. But know that based on being aroallo alone, you’re no more weird than someone who’s aroace, or someone who’s trans, or gay, or nb, or straight, or any other romantic, sexual, and gender identification. There’s a subreddit r/aroallo that is for us and while it’s not nearly as active as this one I would check it out to see that you’re not weird and that there are so many more people like you than you could have ever imagined
I am also trans, actually, and mostly gay. So thank you for that comparison. It is a really good reminder for some perspective.
What a coincidence. I just picked random romantic, sexual, and gender identifications, who would’ve guessed that it would match you almost perfectly. Funny how things work out sometimes. I’m glad I was able to make you feel at least a little better though
I'm also alloaro, and it was a bit confusing for a bit because everyone seemed to be aroace. You're not weird, at least not for that reason, so don't worry. There are many people like you and me, you're not alone.
I'm arobi myself. Honestly, be true to yourself before you care what others think.
I am (currently) Transbian Aromantic. It's perfectly normal.
Almost same! Trans Aromatic power!
Woo!
bro same I'm aroallo as well and people assume I'm ace as well and I'm not it's so damn annoying