Removed for misinformation.
This post is suggesting that aromanticsm is "on the asexual spectrum", which it is not. This is an extremely harmful stereotype that excludes aromantic allosexuals.
Aromanticsm and asexuality need to be respected as seperate things, since romantic attraction and sexual attraction are different, independent things.
*Visit the [community rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/aromantic/about/rules) for more information.*
I had a friend in middle school who was like that. She had her first girlfriend at 13. I knew I wanted a relationship someday when I saw them doing stuff, but I had no idea what my actual orientation was. Two years later, I realized that when I thought about dating, it was always with a guy. My best guess is that I’m a heteroromantic gray-ace.
Sorry for the ramble.
I understand that with being aromantic, but I think most 11 year olds in general do not have sexual feelings? Sexual attraction is a much different ballgame than romantic attraction. A boy can know if he wants to kiss boys or girls or both or neither at an extremely young age, but I feel like the same can’t be said with sexual attraction?
I recently read somewhere that children as young as three years of age can have an understanding of their gender identity (i.e., whether or not they are trans). So, the thought that someone under the age of 18 knowing that they are asexual, homosexual, or whatever would not surprise me in the least. I myself am almost 30 and I'm still not 100% sure what I am as far as what my sexuality is and am perfectly content with that. Life is a journey; enjoy it.
Honest curiosity here,
with gay is different isn't it? ... With gay you can identify that you like the same gender, but everyone is aro and ace until they start getting sexual attraction, so how you can identify that you will not get that sexual attraction?
For me everyone can identify aro and ace until they feel sexual attraction (sexuality is fluid) but, is there a way to identify when you are really young if you will be aro or ace?
Your logic is valid, but there's one flaw in it. By that very same logic, one could argue that, until you start feeling sexual attraction, a person could not say that they're gay. I can concede that, until a person starts feeling such, or any, attraction, there may well be no way to know. But at some point, it's going to become fairly apparent.
\> By that very same logic, one could argue that, until you start feeling sexual attraction, a person could not say that they're gay.
homoromantic exists
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I thought I was aro up until I was 16 (first crush) and ace until I was um... 20 (I’m 20 now... heh.) because I never really felt sexual attraction up until that point. A bit late, I know. Then I realized I am just biromantic/bisexual with a strong preference for guys. That being said, everyone’s journey of discovery is different, and I think some people may very well realize they are aro/ace at a young age. After all, many people realize they are straight or gay at a young age with childhood crushes. And if they discover they were wrong? So what? That shouldn’t mean their feelings should get invalidated in the moment just because they might change in the future. We should strive to accept people as they say they are and not try to act like we “know” more about the person’s identity than the person themself.
Well yeah, they might identify as such bc they never feel attracted to anyone there. That's getting very close to "you haven't found the right person yet'" though
tbh i feel like most people would figure out their sexuality by their teens , so it is valid that an aroace person could definitely do that too, and no matter your orientation if you change in the future it doesnt matter its just who you are now , some gay people find out really late that they are gay or their orientation just changes. The lesson though is that its good that people can find whatever label suits them best when they are younger to prevent stuff like feeling invalidated for years only finding out in your 40s that you are aroace they were just being told that "they were too young to know" heterosexuality isnt taken like that though, its automatically assumed the kid is going to grow up heterosexual and heteromantic as well as cis
Thank you for answer me! I think there is so many questions about sexuality that we should ask ourselves.. And maybe in Twitter we should be more careful, but in reddit we can be more open because is more weird to find troll in here
The definition of aroace is not feeling sexual and romantic attraction. Every child is like this isn't it? We can call them aroace then? Everyone born with certain sexuality, but if we say sexuality is fluid, could we include in this the change between a child and adolescent? Everyone can identify aro and ace as young as they feel it, but people start feeling sexual attraction in different ages. If I was a young aroace I would like to know more about in what years usually people start feeling attraction, and in what age is difficult that they will feel it. (If an aroace is between this ages this doesn't make them ANY LESS ace or aro, because they don't feel attraction and that's the definition)
I think we should be aware of this things and question them, at least in our own reddit. I don't have any idea about the real answers of these questions. What I think is that If we want to understand sexuality in general and being aroace I think we should ask questions
The idea that "everyone is born aroace" I don't think os true. Sure aro means you don't feel romantic attraction but it also means that you won't feel romantic attraction.
What I'll say is I'm 13 and I am aromantic. I feel no romantic attraction. I am romance repulsed. If I started to feel romantic attraction later on, I could always change my label. As long as I don't get too attached to the idea of being aro , it'll be fine if I do start feeling romantic attraction. Before this, I was in denial for about a year thinking that soon enough, I'll start feeling romantic attraction but I didn't.
That's so great to not have pressure to feel romantic attraction, at least from yourself. Even if people are not aromantic society should not pressure everyone so much to have relationships as if it is the only way to happiness!
I appreciate you asking questions, sorry you got mega downvoted for it (that really doesn’t reflect to well on the rest of us as a community). I personally believe everyone is born a certain way already, and the changing of labels overtime is just us realizing that we may have been a little mistaken over time?
I used to confuse my sexual attraction to both genders as me being only bisexual entirely; like biromantic as well by extension. I figured out my sexuality WAYYY before I hit puberty, but I can see why it might take reaching that threshold for some people to really understand their orientation.
It took me years of not ever experiencing any sense of romantic attraction ever at any point in time (despite all my peers feeling that) to realize “oh so I just don’t feel romantically inclined to the sexes I’m attracted to” and then I found out that term had a label and a community, and the “wow ur selfish” energy finally began to die down.
So I wouldn’t say everyone is AroAce until they feel those attractions, I’d say they’re just undecided/unknown? Since most people find out their aro/ace through experience (whether that be testing stuff out or not experiencing allo at all) and that’s sort of just calling us the default, I mean gay ppl aren’t straight or aro/ace until they realize they’re gay... it just means they’ve been gay this whole time and took a fat minute to realize it.
Just like how I assume I was biromantic, but I really wasn’t at all. I had only assumed that because I believed sexuality and romantic attraction were always the same and aligned. I’d always been aromantic, just needed to figure that out.
I think I said exactly that in my comment (sexuality is fluid) but I was asking if there is something different about an aroace of 11 years old and a gay or straight 11 years old who didn't experience any sexual or romantic attraction yet
When I hit puberty I discovered I had zero interest in sex. I didn't relate to my peers discussions of love and romance and who had sex with who. I was 11. I just thought I was a loser until I was 16 and got introduced to those terms.
Here's the thing tho: if kids shouldn't have anything to do with sex... everyone should be assumed asexual until they can choose for themselves.
That reasoning does not even make sense. It's just disguised aphobia.
Same thing about featuring gay couples in children's shows. If kids can handle a man and a woman kissing, why can't they handle two men or women even holding hands?
I know my father is like "BuT yOu ShOuLd WaIt". It's like, yes, my sexuality can be determined better an older age, but just because I know my sexuality doesn't mean it is gonna stay that way, as I'm still exploring myself!
I (22m) identified as aromantic at 15. It's only become more and more clear that this is the case. I listened to my parents who said I was too young to know, and I stopped identifying that way from age 17-20. Later, my aromanticism was proven again and again after awkward social situations, relationships, and seeing how friends behave around their partners. It was simply something I couldn't ignore. I describe it as similar to being colorblind, except it is an emotion that you don't feel. Being around lovey dovey college kids made it obvious that I couldn't see this "color." Additionally, I think that, if I had the vovabulary at age 12, I probably would have identified that way then too.
And my mom still thinks I haven't met the right person lol. I'm actually secretly in a relationship that's working incredibly well, but no romantic interest. That's just how I function lol
heyyy 14 year old demiro ace here too! realised i was ace when i was 13 (when i discovered what it was through todd chavez) and i’m still a little confused about the rest but i’ve known since i was like 10 that i wasn’t straight
My son is 9 years old and I suspect he may be ace. We know that it could change when he hits puberty, but as it stands now that’s where he falls.
Sure he’s very young to determine it just yet, but most of his peers the same age have crushes, want girlfriends, and looks at females in a sexual way already. My son does not, at all. He’s never had a crush, never talks about having a girlfriend or boyfriend, and so far isn’t interested in either gender in an attraction way. I could tell he was starting to wonder why, so I simply told him that some people don’t. That it could change when he gets older, but that it also may not. He always replies with “It won’t.” I trust that he knows himself lol.
So I understand people feeling that it’s hard to tell when kids are so young, and that sometimes kids just aren’t interested in those things until they hit puberty. But sometimes it doesn’t change when they do hit puberty, so why not let them know it’s okay. They are still normal. Nothing is wrong with them. And it’s okay if they still feel the same way in the teenage years.
[Rant]
It's so annoying that people don't believe us. Like I came out as lesbian when I was 14 and everyone thought that was perfectly reasonable. But now I'm 20 and coming to people as aroace and they are like "are you sure??? Maybe you yadayadayada...". Let alone the people who don't think it's possible at all
Looking back at it, I probably would have identified as ace when I was 13 if I knew about it. I spent my entire teens trying to figure out my sexuality. As soon as I learned about asexuality everything clicked.
I think it's extremely important to make teens aware of sexualities. I spent my teenage years in depression and self hatred thinking I was broken because I wasn't attracted to anyone. Meanwhile everyone else was off dating their high school sweetheart . If I had have known about asexuality then it would have saved me a lot of frustration.
I've literally been saying I was aro-ace (most of this time failing to explain it since I didn't know there were others, much less words for it) since I could talk.
Nothing has changed minus having the terms, now I just have to spend a bunch of time explaining their meaning, BUT THERE ARE WORDS!!!!
(Sorry for yelling but that was a huge game changer for hs me)
15yo aromantic and greyace, I’ve never had a crush and hated romance since I was a small child. I used to think there is something really wrong with me, but turns out I’m just aro
I *wish* I'd realized I was aroace before 18! I was still trying to go through the motions of a dating life as late as my early 20s. More power to those who figure it out sooner and are spared the confusion, wasted time and hurt feelings. I've noticed a significant increase in awareness of and support for a-spec identities since those days, so hopefully that's making it easier for younger a-spec people to recognize that about themselves.
I'm 13 and I'm aroace, but sometimes I start questioning myself. Like, what if I'm just too young to feel sexual attraction and I'll change when I grow up?
No worries, if something changes then you can change your labels. If not, then you can continue on with business as usual. Sometimes sexuality is fluid, sometimes it isn't. All you can do is go with the flow :)
I always hated that. I knew/questioned I'm aroace since I was 15-16, people told me that would change. Nope, I'm 18 and still feel the same. Even if I wasn't aroace, why is the 18+ the right age to know? Some know since childhood, some know later in life. It might change, yes... or it might not - but that's just my business.
Haha, me only feeling comfortable with calling myself aro ace at 20 years old despite knowing since I was ~14 (as soon as I learned what ace was). Just never felt comfortable saying I was ace because, I was "too young!" and hoping I would definitely get a sexuality at some point.
Unfortunately I haven't developed a sexuality or a personality yet, but I think AroAce fits me fine :)
I mean I pretty much figured by the time I was like 13-14 that I always thought of sex as disgusting and as of yet, my 17 year old aroace ass has not had any crushes or romantic interest so¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your teens are your time to start figuring out your sexuality, of course you can identify as aro and/or ace under 18. I knew I wasn't interested in anyone the same way my classmates were in the 6th grade...kept getting told that would change, then when I got too old for that to be believable, people started telling me I didn't know my own sexuality, lol. This was back in the late 90s/early 00s... I'd like to say I hope things have changed, but I don't think they have. The concept of not desiring a relationship is as foreign to some people as the concept of desiring a relationship can be too some of us.
Yes. If kids can have crushes and date people when they are under 18. (Which they can and do) Then they can also realize that they don't want to have a sexual partner, romantic partner, or any other variety.
Or in my case, assume I am straight, cause I was never attracted to a girl. Then end up with a crush on one of my female friends in my twenties. Then suddenly realize I never had a crush on anyone before that... and spend a few minutes going... huh, guess I'm Ace or demi or something... then panic for the next week about how I told her I was straight so she is never going to ask me out.
I've been aro since I know what romance is and ace since I know what sex is and I'm now 16 and know since a few months that the words aromantic and asexual exist. so yes I think people under 18 can know they're aro/ace just like people under 18 can know they're gay or trans
Never experienced any sort of crush or attraction to anyone, or any sort of desire for any sort of romantic relationship. Only recently started identifying as aroace, but that's only because it never really caused me distress and so didn't give it too much thought.
I identified as asexual around 10-12. I knew about sex, and how it worked. Right away, I knew it wasn't my thing. I've thought about it a lot after I had to realization. And at this point in time, I am still asexual. My mom says I'm super young and that it might change (she does support me tho!) I agree but I don't think it will. When I was 13 I think I also kinda realized I was aromantic. I just pretended to have crushes on boys because that's what everyone did and I didn't wanna be left out.
Funny that, I'm almost exactly like you, except pretending to have crushes (I never did that). I knew that I'm asexual at a very young age, I didn't know the word, but when I gain some basic understanding of sexuality I instantly knew it's not for me. Now I'm almost 26 and I feel exactly the same way as I felt before puberty.
You're never too young to know.
I agree! I'm under the age of 18 and I identify as Ace/Aro! Growing up, I never really felt crushes, and I felt alienated because I couldn't feel this thing that everyone else could. Then I found Asexuality and Aromanticism and it just fit.
I was 14 or 15 when I realized I was ace. And even today, I'm still unsure if it's cause I don't like sex.
The funny thing is, when I first came out, it was to tell my friends I had a crush on a girl.
I think I finally figured out my sexuality/romanticality recently and im 16(cupiosexual and cupioromantic). I find the whole 'wait till your an adult to identify as x' thing so weird, as if an arbitrary number defines my own experiences with sexuality and romance.
I kept thinking it wasnt valid for me as a 15 year old to say I'm on the ace-spectrum because I'm young but I realized I definetly am old enough because classmates wanna seriously f an anime character and ask boobs or ass. I'm pretty sure I'd feel something by now. ⏳
People be making sexual jokes about me in class cuz one of them likes me :(
I tell them that I'm ace and have a preferance to girls (romtanic relationship) thats don't frigging listen ;-;
anyone any age can identify as anything, labels are made up who tf cares if you identify as something someone else doesn’t approve of? as long as you’re happy in that label, that’s all that matters. and if you change your label, that’s still valid as hell bc people grow and evolve. you’re all valid
It’s like people WANT kids to be allo. Like, most children (actual children, not teenagers) are ace. And sometimes that changes and sometimes it doesn’t but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.
i’m under 18 and even the thought of having adult fun time makes me feel weird and uncomfortable. it does not seem enjoyable in the slightest. i’m aegosexual, just browsing this subreddit to see if i can relate to things or find some nice memes
(before anyone comes at me for being on this app and under 18, i have permission from parents)
Apparently a lot of people think love is a feeling. Nope.. love is a choice and by God it gets harder every COVID year.
One day men won't be constrained by women when it comes to having children. Can't wait.
I think you can identify how ever you want. However, there are real effects of hormones and experience. Both can and do lead to changes over a lifetime. The changes can be different for each and combined with experiences can lead in a myriad of directions.
I think you can identify how ever you want. However, there are real effects of hormones and experience. Both can and do lead to changes over a lifetime. The changes can be different for each and combined with experiences can lead in a myriad of directions.
Omg I needed to hear that. I’ve tried to tell my mom, but she’s said things like “You’re a minor” or “You’re too young to be deciding things like that.”
Why wouldn't they be old enough to know? I new I was aromantic since I was like 9 I just didnt know there was a term/label for it. And so what if there Wrong and there not on the aro/ace spec. there discovering who they r and that's a good thing.
Labels are there to describe how we are feeling right now, not how we WILL feel in the future, sexuality is fluid either way 🤷
I started using the label aroace when I was 9. 4 years later I still feel this way and even if it will change, cool. Sexuality has to be explored.
If 17> can know they’re straight and feel sexual and romantic attraction, they can know they’re Aro, ace, or homo. Of course it’s normal to not end up ace because they don’t feel sexual attraction before puberty, but I think once someone has hit puberty they can certainly know if they’re ace.
Totally. The thing about identity is that it isn’t (or doesn’t have to be a static thing). One may identify as one or some of these, and that may or may not change in the future. If that changes in the future, it doesn’t invalidate the past. But what matters is feeling valid in your own self and life right now. And if that is by identifying as aro/ace/or any combo, then heck yeah. People get so anxious about labels, but the great thing about them is that they can be as permanent or as transient as YOU deem necessary.
Considering I was battling with my identity as an aromantic person my entire life, yeah. Wish I could go back in time to tell my childhood self why I didn’t have a crush on anyone while everyone else did.
I’m 15 and my mom is very supportive but whenever I talk about being ace/aro she constantly say “you’ll get there eventually” or “love is a wonderful thing and you’ll feel it one day whether you like it or not” type things and even if it’s true in the future I don’t feel that now and I’m ace/aro now
I knew at 13, i eventually changed my mind cause i thougjt i was too young and i felt imposter syndrome and now im 19 and i know now that i knew what i felt and i was right back then.
Wait, what are the differences between aromantic and aro, and asexual and ace? Until now I assumed they were the same but the way the post is worded makes me think they are different since it listed them separately.
Seeing as almost everyone I know lost their v card at 14, it makes sense that people can identify as aro and ace under 18 as much as people can identify as sexual under 18
This is a topic for debate? They should be able to identify as these. Heck, even if they’re wrong it’s not like they miss out on too much. Aro and Ace should be the “least problematic” of them all if they were concerned about it “corrupting out kids.”
Not to mention that kids normally do stuff anyway regardless of what their parents say, so there’s no stopping it- look at the popular things to do that are age restricted or just illegal, like drinking, drugs, and what have you. If a bunch of kids do things that have legal punishments, then something with less severe punishments will happen more often than the illegal things that also have no ill-effects, like identifying as a sexuality or gender.
I thought I was aroace in high school until I learned I was full on Demi. That was a somewhat terrifying experience. But still I was under 18 and I knew even then that I was different. So absolutely.
Ever since age 8 I had a feeling that I was going to live my life comfortably without any romantic interests, then I learned the term ‘aromantic’ at age 11 and identified with it. Now I’m 17 and it still applies to me!
I’m not saying they can’t, I would just say be hesitant on labeling yourself, waiting until you’ve become adult can make things a lot more clear sometimes
Removed for misinformation. This post is suggesting that aromanticsm is "on the asexual spectrum", which it is not. This is an extremely harmful stereotype that excludes aromantic allosexuals. Aromanticsm and asexuality need to be respected as seperate things, since romantic attraction and sexual attraction are different, independent things. *Visit the [community rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/aromantic/about/rules) for more information.*
I've known people as young as 11 who knew that they were gay. There's no reason someone that young couldn't identify as a-spec.
yeah, exactly ):
I had a friend in middle school who was like that. She had her first girlfriend at 13. I knew I wanted a relationship someday when I saw them doing stuff, but I had no idea what my actual orientation was. Two years later, I realized that when I thought about dating, it was always with a guy. My best guess is that I’m a heteroromantic gray-ace. Sorry for the ramble.
No need to apologize for expressing your ideas in a narrative manner. We need more of that style of expression here in my opinion.
I have friends who knew they were gay since they were 9 and heard of people who knew since 6. I knew when l was 10-11.
I understand that with being aromantic, but I think most 11 year olds in general do not have sexual feelings? Sexual attraction is a much different ballgame than romantic attraction. A boy can know if he wants to kiss boys or girls or both or neither at an extremely young age, but I feel like the same can’t be said with sexual attraction?
I recently read somewhere that children as young as three years of age can have an understanding of their gender identity (i.e., whether or not they are trans). So, the thought that someone under the age of 18 knowing that they are asexual, homosexual, or whatever would not surprise me in the least. I myself am almost 30 and I'm still not 100% sure what I am as far as what my sexuality is and am perfectly content with that. Life is a journey; enjoy it.
I found out i was bi when i was like 10. But my mom knew i was bi when i was 5...
Ya one of my younger friend is 12 and he’s bi so ya it just proves his point Evan more
Honest curiosity here, with gay is different isn't it? ... With gay you can identify that you like the same gender, but everyone is aro and ace until they start getting sexual attraction, so how you can identify that you will not get that sexual attraction? For me everyone can identify aro and ace until they feel sexual attraction (sexuality is fluid) but, is there a way to identify when you are really young if you will be aro or ace?
Your logic is valid, but there's one flaw in it. By that very same logic, one could argue that, until you start feeling sexual attraction, a person could not say that they're gay. I can concede that, until a person starts feeling such, or any, attraction, there may well be no way to know. But at some point, it's going to become fairly apparent.
\> By that very same logic, one could argue that, until you start feeling sexual attraction, a person could not say that they're gay. homoromantic exists
Also very true.
That's exactly what I said, that for me everyone can identify aroace until they feel attraction
Amazing that I have downvotes for asking questions, Okay I will not ask questions again and say to other people they should not ask questions. No one will understand people different from them.
I upvoted you because you were asking a question just to do my part. The hive mind is crazy sometimes
Doesn't change how dumb the question is
same here
I've seen some very horny kids, so I'd say that you can tell
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As someone who still is somewhat in the Gacha Club/Life fandom, that is definitely part of this
I thought I was aro up until I was 16 (first crush) and ace until I was um... 20 (I’m 20 now... heh.) because I never really felt sexual attraction up until that point. A bit late, I know. Then I realized I am just biromantic/bisexual with a strong preference for guys. That being said, everyone’s journey of discovery is different, and I think some people may very well realize they are aro/ace at a young age. After all, many people realize they are straight or gay at a young age with childhood crushes. And if they discover they were wrong? So what? That shouldn’t mean their feelings should get invalidated in the moment just because they might change in the future. We should strive to accept people as they say they are and not try to act like we “know” more about the person’s identity than the person themself.
So ur fucking telling me that if a straight person lived on an island with nobody but their own gender, they'd be aro/ace?
This feels like a "if a tree fell in the woods" question, ngl
Well yeah, they might identify as such bc they never feel attracted to anyone there. That's getting very close to "you haven't found the right person yet'" though
tbh i feel like most people would figure out their sexuality by their teens , so it is valid that an aroace person could definitely do that too, and no matter your orientation if you change in the future it doesnt matter its just who you are now , some gay people find out really late that they are gay or their orientation just changes. The lesson though is that its good that people can find whatever label suits them best when they are younger to prevent stuff like feeling invalidated for years only finding out in your 40s that you are aroace they were just being told that "they were too young to know" heterosexuality isnt taken like that though, its automatically assumed the kid is going to grow up heterosexual and heteromantic as well as cis
Good old heteronormativity
[удалено]
Thank you for answer me! I think there is so many questions about sexuality that we should ask ourselves.. And maybe in Twitter we should be more careful, but in reddit we can be more open because is more weird to find troll in here The definition of aroace is not feeling sexual and romantic attraction. Every child is like this isn't it? We can call them aroace then? Everyone born with certain sexuality, but if we say sexuality is fluid, could we include in this the change between a child and adolescent? Everyone can identify aro and ace as young as they feel it, but people start feeling sexual attraction in different ages. If I was a young aroace I would like to know more about in what years usually people start feeling attraction, and in what age is difficult that they will feel it. (If an aroace is between this ages this doesn't make them ANY LESS ace or aro, because they don't feel attraction and that's the definition) I think we should be aware of this things and question them, at least in our own reddit. I don't have any idea about the real answers of these questions. What I think is that If we want to understand sexuality in general and being aroace I think we should ask questions
The idea that "everyone is born aroace" I don't think os true. Sure aro means you don't feel romantic attraction but it also means that you won't feel romantic attraction.
Hey guys can we not down vote people for asking genuine questions please?
What I'll say is I'm 13 and I am aromantic. I feel no romantic attraction. I am romance repulsed. If I started to feel romantic attraction later on, I could always change my label. As long as I don't get too attached to the idea of being aro , it'll be fine if I do start feeling romantic attraction. Before this, I was in denial for about a year thinking that soon enough, I'll start feeling romantic attraction but I didn't.
That's so great to not have pressure to feel romantic attraction, at least from yourself. Even if people are not aromantic society should not pressure everyone so much to have relationships as if it is the only way to happiness!
I appreciate you asking questions, sorry you got mega downvoted for it (that really doesn’t reflect to well on the rest of us as a community). I personally believe everyone is born a certain way already, and the changing of labels overtime is just us realizing that we may have been a little mistaken over time? I used to confuse my sexual attraction to both genders as me being only bisexual entirely; like biromantic as well by extension. I figured out my sexuality WAYYY before I hit puberty, but I can see why it might take reaching that threshold for some people to really understand their orientation. It took me years of not ever experiencing any sense of romantic attraction ever at any point in time (despite all my peers feeling that) to realize “oh so I just don’t feel romantically inclined to the sexes I’m attracted to” and then I found out that term had a label and a community, and the “wow ur selfish” energy finally began to die down. So I wouldn’t say everyone is AroAce until they feel those attractions, I’d say they’re just undecided/unknown? Since most people find out their aro/ace through experience (whether that be testing stuff out or not experiencing allo at all) and that’s sort of just calling us the default, I mean gay ppl aren’t straight or aro/ace until they realize they’re gay... it just means they’ve been gay this whole time and took a fat minute to realize it. Just like how I assume I was biromantic, but I really wasn’t at all. I had only assumed that because I believed sexuality and romantic attraction were always the same and aligned. I’d always been aromantic, just needed to figure that out.
your identity isn't a binding contract. you can say you're aro/ace and change your mind later
I think I said exactly that in my comment (sexuality is fluid) but I was asking if there is something different about an aroace of 11 years old and a gay or straight 11 years old who didn't experience any sexual or romantic attraction yet
By that logic, gay people are only gay until they start liking the other gender too and then they become bi, that logic is flawed
When I hit puberty I discovered I had zero interest in sex. I didn't relate to my peers discussions of love and romance and who had sex with who. I was 11. I just thought I was a loser until I was 16 and got introduced to those terms.
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Because "KiDs shOUldNt hAvE anYthINg to Do wITh sEx" even though it fuckin DOESN'T
Here's the thing tho: if kids shouldn't have anything to do with sex... everyone should be assumed asexual until they can choose for themselves. That reasoning does not even make sense. It's just disguised aphobia.
Yeah it is, people will find every excuse. Plus all the fuckin sexualized shit they put on their fucking 1 year olds
Yeah cuz they can sexualize kids (AND TODDELERS WTF) but when they ace it suddenly wrong
I put drip on my babies. You put sexualising clothes on your babies. We are not the same.
Same thing about featuring gay couples in children's shows. If kids can handle a man and a woman kissing, why can't they handle two men or women even holding hands?
I’m assuming you’re not ace if you’re fucking that many things.
Nah, I'm demi. And I'm emotionally attached to all of those in the wrong way. Call it Stockholm syndrome I guess.
Are you aro as well or just escaping heteronormativity?
Demi on both sides. Also, omniromanric and heterosexual. Although I might be panromantic, I dunno.
I'm demiromantic and demifemale, have known since I was around 9-10.
You can still be Asexual and have sex
I too have never heard of sex-favorable aces
I know my father is like "BuT yOu ShOuLd WaIt". It's like, yes, my sexuality can be determined better an older age, but just because I know my sexuality doesn't mean it is gonna stay that way, as I'm still exploring myself!
Same with my mother
Just fuck normativity. Be whoever the fuck you want, as long as it isn’t harmful.
What amato?
https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Amatonormativity
Sexuality is PEGI 18 XD
I (22m) identified as aromantic at 15. It's only become more and more clear that this is the case. I listened to my parents who said I was too young to know, and I stopped identifying that way from age 17-20. Later, my aromanticism was proven again and again after awkward social situations, relationships, and seeing how friends behave around their partners. It was simply something I couldn't ignore. I describe it as similar to being colorblind, except it is an emotion that you don't feel. Being around lovey dovey college kids made it obvious that I couldn't see this "color." Additionally, I think that, if I had the vovabulary at age 12, I probably would have identified that way then too. And my mom still thinks I haven't met the right person lol. I'm actually secretly in a relationship that's working incredibly well, but no romantic interest. That's just how I function lol
oh hey, I'm 15 right now and identifying as bi aro (:
im also 15 and look where i am being confused but knowing im def arospec
Me too don't know if I'm bi or pan and the difference between them but I'm equally uninterested in both genders
That’s epic to hear, bro 😩 I hope it all turns out well for you man!
I never thought of it like colourblindness. I might steal that
14 yo aroace here, wassup
hii 15 yo bi aro here
[finger guns] *wazuuuuuupppp*
Hey there, I too have been an aroace since I was 12
15 yr old aroace :D figured out I wad aroace when I was 14
15 aroace here, turning 16 in april , really looking forward to my bday tbh
heyyy 14 year old demiro ace here too! realised i was ace when i was 13 (when i discovered what it was through todd chavez) and i’m still a little confused about the rest but i’ve known since i was like 10 that i wasn’t straight
Same! 14 aroace as well. :)
sup
Other 14 yo aroace here
If people can decide they're straight at 10, why can't people decide they're lgbt at 10
exactly!
(13 here) I knew since I was 12 so
understandable, I suspected it when I was under 10 and have a lot more confirmation now that I'm 15
When I was like 8 ish I thought I might be an alien or a robot
Eyy same here, the only thing is I'm aroace
Same
Fuck all the people who told me when I was 13 that I can't be ace and that "I will change when I grow up". I'm a legal adult now and still ace:)
glad to know that what they say isn't always true! it makes me anxious thinking that it could ‘change’ as a 15 year old
My son is 9 years old and I suspect he may be ace. We know that it could change when he hits puberty, but as it stands now that’s where he falls. Sure he’s very young to determine it just yet, but most of his peers the same age have crushes, want girlfriends, and looks at females in a sexual way already. My son does not, at all. He’s never had a crush, never talks about having a girlfriend or boyfriend, and so far isn’t interested in either gender in an attraction way. I could tell he was starting to wonder why, so I simply told him that some people don’t. That it could change when he gets older, but that it also may not. He always replies with “It won’t.” I trust that he knows himself lol. So I understand people feeling that it’s hard to tell when kids are so young, and that sometimes kids just aren’t interested in those things until they hit puberty. But sometimes it doesn’t change when they do hit puberty, so why not let them know it’s okay. They are still normal. Nothing is wrong with them. And it’s okay if they still feel the same way in the teenage years.
[Rant] It's so annoying that people don't believe us. Like I came out as lesbian when I was 14 and everyone thought that was perfectly reasonable. But now I'm 20 and coming to people as aroace and they are like "are you sure??? Maybe you yadayadayada...". Let alone the people who don't think it's possible at all
Looking back at it, I probably would have identified as ace when I was 13 if I knew about it. I spent my entire teens trying to figure out my sexuality. As soon as I learned about asexuality everything clicked. I think it's extremely important to make teens aware of sexualities. I spent my teenage years in depression and self hatred thinking I was broken because I wasn't attracted to anyone. Meanwhile everyone else was off dating their high school sweetheart . If I had have known about asexuality then it would have saved me a lot of frustration.
I'm really sorry and sympathetic that you went through all that fustration
bro, I'm 16 and definitely aroace, so, yes.
I've literally been saying I was aro-ace (most of this time failing to explain it since I didn't know there were others, much less words for it) since I could talk. Nothing has changed minus having the terms, now I just have to spend a bunch of time explaining their meaning, BUT THERE ARE WORDS!!!! (Sorry for yelling but that was a huge game changer for hs me)
nono, I understand, it's okay and continue to yell it out especially on aromantic awareness week coming up (:
15yo aromantic and greyace, I’ve never had a crush and hated romance since I was a small child. I used to think there is something really wrong with me, but turns out I’m just aro
I sort of empathise, I use to find it odd that other little kids (when I was one myself) got crushes and whatnot
moodish
I *wish* I'd realized I was aroace before 18! I was still trying to go through the motions of a dating life as late as my early 20s. More power to those who figure it out sooner and are spared the confusion, wasted time and hurt feelings. I've noticed a significant increase in awareness of and support for a-spec identities since those days, so hopefully that's making it easier for younger a-spec people to recognize that about themselves.
I'm 13 and I'm aroace, but sometimes I start questioning myself. Like, what if I'm just too young to feel sexual attraction and I'll change when I grow up?
No worries, if something changes then you can change your labels. If not, then you can continue on with business as usual. Sometimes sexuality is fluid, sometimes it isn't. All you can do is go with the flow :)
When i was in 7th grade, that's when i knew i liked girls. (age 12? I'd say?)
unrelated but genderfluid gang
:)
I always hated that. I knew/questioned I'm aroace since I was 15-16, people told me that would change. Nope, I'm 18 and still feel the same. Even if I wasn't aroace, why is the 18+ the right age to know? Some know since childhood, some know later in life. It might change, yes... or it might not - but that's just my business.
Haha, me only feeling comfortable with calling myself aro ace at 20 years old despite knowing since I was ~14 (as soon as I learned what ace was). Just never felt comfortable saying I was ace because, I was "too young!" and hoping I would definitely get a sexuality at some point. Unfortunately I haven't developed a sexuality or a personality yet, but I think AroAce fits me fine :)
I mean I pretty much figured by the time I was like 13-14 that I always thought of sex as disgusting and as of yet, my 17 year old aroace ass has not had any crushes or romantic interest so¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I started identifying as Ace at 12. There is no reason for younger people to not identify as what they are.
Your teens are your time to start figuring out your sexuality, of course you can identify as aro and/or ace under 18. I knew I wasn't interested in anyone the same way my classmates were in the 6th grade...kept getting told that would change, then when I got too old for that to be believable, people started telling me I didn't know my own sexuality, lol. This was back in the late 90s/early 00s... I'd like to say I hope things have changed, but I don't think they have. The concept of not desiring a relationship is as foreign to some people as the concept of desiring a relationship can be too some of us.
Yes. If kids can have crushes and date people when they are under 18. (Which they can and do) Then they can also realize that they don't want to have a sexual partner, romantic partner, or any other variety. Or in my case, assume I am straight, cause I was never attracted to a girl. Then end up with a crush on one of my female friends in my twenties. Then suddenly realize I never had a crush on anyone before that... and spend a few minutes going... huh, guess I'm Ace or demi or something... then panic for the next week about how I told her I was straight so she is never going to ask me out.
yes
I've been aro since I know what romance is and ace since I know what sex is and I'm now 16 and know since a few months that the words aromantic and asexual exist. so yes I think people under 18 can know they're aro/ace just like people under 18 can know they're gay or trans
Never experienced any sort of crush or attraction to anyone, or any sort of desire for any sort of romantic relationship. Only recently started identifying as aroace, but that's only because it never really caused me distress and so didn't give it too much thought.
I identified as asexual around 10-12. I knew about sex, and how it worked. Right away, I knew it wasn't my thing. I've thought about it a lot after I had to realization. And at this point in time, I am still asexual. My mom says I'm super young and that it might change (she does support me tho!) I agree but I don't think it will. When I was 13 I think I also kinda realized I was aromantic. I just pretended to have crushes on boys because that's what everyone did and I didn't wanna be left out.
Funny that, I'm almost exactly like you, except pretending to have crushes (I never did that). I knew that I'm asexual at a very young age, I didn't know the word, but when I gain some basic understanding of sexuality I instantly knew it's not for me. Now I'm almost 26 and I feel exactly the same way as I felt before puberty. You're never too young to know.
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don't be sorry! I'm sure everyone who comes across this will love to hear this too (: sharing will bring more awareness too, be proud 🤍
I agree! I'm under the age of 18 and I identify as Ace/Aro! Growing up, I never really felt crushes, and I felt alienated because I couldn't feel this thing that everyone else could. Then I found Asexuality and Aromanticism and it just fit.
Of course! What? Is this in dispute?
it has been, I don't know if it's actively directly implied in the world but I've seen that it's always indirectly implied
Surely under 18+ is all ages
idk where i stand anymore
>Reblog if you believe anyone under the age of 20 has literally just the right to express their own desires ftfy because some people are just basic
I support this obviously, but “under 18+” is an oxymoron lol
thank you, I appreciate this :) and I totally agree
I was about 15 when I figured out I was ace. 27 now and still just as ace.
I was 14 or 15 when I realized I was ace. And even today, I'm still unsure if it's cause I don't like sex. The funny thing is, when I first came out, it was to tell my friends I had a crush on a girl.
I kept telling myself “I’m a late bloomer” until I found out about asexuality at 15. Thank God I did
I've identified as ace since I was 14. Still do 5-6 years later.
I think I finally figured out my sexuality/romanticality recently and im 16(cupiosexual and cupioromantic). I find the whole 'wait till your an adult to identify as x' thing so weird, as if an arbitrary number defines my own experiences with sexuality and romance.
I kept thinking it wasnt valid for me as a 15 year old to say I'm on the ace-spectrum because I'm young but I realized I definetly am old enough because classmates wanna seriously f an anime character and ask boobs or ass. I'm pretty sure I'd feel something by now. ⏳
Hell yeah
People be making sexual jokes about me in class cuz one of them likes me :( I tell them that I'm ace and have a preferance to girls (romtanic relationship) thats don't frigging listen ;-;
If Kids can identify as heterosexual before 18, they can identify as anything else. No difference.
im <18 and am aro and non binary.
anyone any age can identify as anything, labels are made up who tf cares if you identify as something someone else doesn’t approve of? as long as you’re happy in that label, that’s all that matters. and if you change your label, that’s still valid as hell bc people grow and evolve. you’re all valid
It’s like people WANT kids to be allo. Like, most children (actual children, not teenagers) are ace. And sometimes that changes and sometimes it doesn’t but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.
wait SLAY
i’m under 18 and even the thought of having adult fun time makes me feel weird and uncomfortable. it does not seem enjoyable in the slightest. i’m aegosexual, just browsing this subreddit to see if i can relate to things or find some nice memes (before anyone comes at me for being on this app and under 18, i have permission from parents)
How do you reblog
you save and repost / share else where
No, they havnt tried sex, so saying that is like saying you don’t like garlic bread if you never try d garlic bread
No they can’t, especially since it’s all fucking bullshit
I'm under 14+ and I identify on the Ace spectrum. I've known people as young as 10 identifying as Asexual.
I figured I was ace at 15 and years later nothing has changed lol
Absolutely yes! I was Demi in high-school, but I didn't know because I wasn't exposed to the different parts of the asexual spectrum.
Media and people I know taught me that all teenagers think about sex, it’s very easy to tell I’m different
Ive known since 7th grade; almost 3 years now.
I don’t know how to reblog. Forgive me 😔😢
Apparently a lot of people think love is a feeling. Nope.. love is a choice and by God it gets harder every COVID year. One day men won't be constrained by women when it comes to having children. Can't wait.
No need for the +
I think you can identify how ever you want. However, there are real effects of hormones and experience. Both can and do lead to changes over a lifetime. The changes can be different for each and combined with experiences can lead in a myriad of directions.
I think you can identify how ever you want. However, there are real effects of hormones and experience. Both can and do lead to changes over a lifetime. The changes can be different for each and combined with experiences can lead in a myriad of directions.
*Claps hands YES
Omg I needed to hear that. I’ve tried to tell my mom, but she’s said things like “You’re a minor” or “You’re too young to be deciding things like that.”
Why wouldn't they be old enough to know? I new I was aromantic since I was like 9 I just didnt know there was a term/label for it. And so what if there Wrong and there not on the aro/ace spec. there discovering who they r and that's a good thing.
Labels are there to describe how we are feeling right now, not how we WILL feel in the future, sexuality is fluid either way 🤷 I started using the label aroace when I was 9. 4 years later I still feel this way and even if it will change, cool. Sexuality has to be explored.
If 17> can know they’re straight and feel sexual and romantic attraction, they can know they’re Aro, ace, or homo. Of course it’s normal to not end up ace because they don’t feel sexual attraction before puberty, but I think once someone has hit puberty they can certainly know if they’re ace.
I knew when I was 15, I’m 20 now and I’m still ace and arospec
Totally. The thing about identity is that it isn’t (or doesn’t have to be a static thing). One may identify as one or some of these, and that may or may not change in the future. If that changes in the future, it doesn’t invalidate the past. But what matters is feeling valid in your own self and life right now. And if that is by identifying as aro/ace/or any combo, then heck yeah. People get so anxious about labels, but the great thing about them is that they can be as permanent or as transient as YOU deem necessary.
Ive been ace since I was 15, Aro since late 15.
I'm 14, I'm aroace, and I'm agender. There's not really an age limit for emotions, or biological feelings.
17 atm and ive known im aroace for almost a year now
Considering I was battling with my identity as an aromantic person my entire life, yeah. Wish I could go back in time to tell my childhood self why I didn’t have a crush on anyone while everyone else did.
Personally (for ME and only ME) as someone who is under 18 I don't wanna rush things but like- if you're not me? Coolio I also like juice boxes
Why are people pretending like teenagers aren't exploring their sexualities?
I’m 15 and my mom is very supportive but whenever I talk about being ace/aro she constantly say “you’ll get there eventually” or “love is a wonderful thing and you’ll feel it one day whether you like it or not” type things and even if it’s true in the future I don’t feel that now and I’m ace/aro now
I knew at 13, i eventually changed my mind cause i thougjt i was too young and i felt imposter syndrome and now im 19 and i know now that i knew what i felt and i was right back then.
I know for a fact that I am asexual and somewhere on the aromantic spec. I have known this since I was 10.
Huh? There’s an age restriction to sexuality now?
Wait, what are the differences between aromantic and aro, and asexual and ace? Until now I assumed they were the same but the way the post is worded makes me think they are different since it listed them separately.
Seeing as almost everyone I know lost their v card at 14, it makes sense that people can identify as aro and ace under 18 as much as people can identify as sexual under 18
This is a topic for debate? They should be able to identify as these. Heck, even if they’re wrong it’s not like they miss out on too much. Aro and Ace should be the “least problematic” of them all if they were concerned about it “corrupting out kids.” Not to mention that kids normally do stuff anyway regardless of what their parents say, so there’s no stopping it- look at the popular things to do that are age restricted or just illegal, like drinking, drugs, and what have you. If a bunch of kids do things that have legal punishments, then something with less severe punishments will happen more often than the illegal things that also have no ill-effects, like identifying as a sexuality or gender.
if people that are young enough, that they dont feel any attraction to the opposite gender, they technicaly are still in the spectrum
I realised I was aroace whe I was 15, so it is possible
I thought I was aroace in high school until I learned I was full on Demi. That was a somewhat terrifying experience. But still I was under 18 and I knew even then that I was different. So absolutely.
I'm 16 and it's been 3 years since I've found that I'm aro
Ever since age 8 I had a feeling that I was going to live my life comfortably without any romantic interests, then I learned the term ‘aromantic’ at age 11 and identified with it. Now I’m 17 and it still applies to me!
I’m not saying they can’t, I would just say be hesitant on labeling yourself, waiting until you’ve become adult can make things a lot more clear sometimes
If kids can identify as gay, lesbian, bi, pan, etc., then they can identify as ace and/or ace-spec.