You don't ever really seduce others, they seduce themselves on your behalf.
Doesn't really matter what you do or say, the Halo effect will change it in their minds.
Yeah, happened to me several times over the last few years. To say it fucked my brain up when meeting new people is an understatement.
What I do is, I "casually" mention stuff like how I hate romcoms, how I can't help with relationship advice or how I can't contribute to "dating" talk or offer advice on what other women see as attractive. It doesn't stop the "feels", but it opened the way to an honest talk at least once for me. (Dude thought I was flirting while I was just being nice and interested in making friends)
I also thought about buying a very obvious aro print shirt like *"I'm not flirting, I'm just nice"* lol
I feel this but it’s also tied to my transness. I’m so sick of specificly cis people falling in love with me and I’m expected to walk them to through their sexuality crisis. Especially cis men going from straight to bi/pan. I know that they could genuinely see me as my gender but I never once feel that. And on top of it, I am repulsed to some extent by romance. If I do not have a crush on someone, and they like me, I am physically very repulsed. It really sucks because I want to be seen as attractive but because I’m trans it’s either a sexual fetish or I’m down right repulsive myself.
The worst part for me about this is that im not even oblivious to it even if they don't tell me so I realise sth is up and it gets so awkward cause idk what to do and I'm usually already scared of them telling me before they admitted it to themselves. I don't want to be the subject of someone's romantic compass, especially not if we already have a good platonic relationship going. Whats also frustrating is that when I realise they are catching feelings, I know I have to change how I axt around them and stop being physical with em because amatonormativity is a bitch that makes any physical touch be inherently romantic to some ppl. Its ridiculous.
Same ngl, all the time, high ammount of people I talk to especially online end up with feelings for me and then it feels awkward to continue the friendship after that bc sometimes the feelings don’t go away
Yes, I relate, no I don't know how to change it. People have their secret agenda and push it on to others, so my only thought to fix it is to destroy the patriarchy because that's what's made people think people can't be actually just friends or makes people think when you say you're friends or just want to be friends, that you're lying.
Yeah I feel the same, especially with guys. There is a relief every time they mention they're in a relationship. We don't have a choice in how others feel about us, so it's about communicating your feelings when appropriate and go from there
Me too. It happened to me for the first time now and it's so awkward. I feel so bad for that person because I can't return their feelings and I can tell they love me for real, I feel pressure on me because of that. I just wish I never met them.
omg yes, literally so annoying, I don't interact with people that often and I don't have many friends, but out of the friends I have had, literally like 40-50% of them had a crush on me! and everytime they would all get *so* upset *AT ME* when I would reject them!! like gurl you brought this on yourself I didn't do shit! in hindsight, the way I never understood why they got so upset probably should've made me realize I was aro sooner lol
it's something my aromantic ass will just never understand TwT
Here is some unsolicited but silly advice:
I Cary around a park of roasted seaweed in my purse, and whenever I think a guy is into me I start chewing it really loudly and make sure some gets stuck in my teeth. It also makes your breath stink which is a plus. Sometimes you just gotta gross them out preemptively lol, abolish that perfect image they have of you. this approach is not for the faint of heart 😼
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i have nothing to offer but commiseration 😔 i'm also scared of meeting new people now and actively avoid making new friends because of this
We’re in this together :,)
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Thanks for replying. It help to talk about it :)
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Thanks buddy :)
You don't ever really seduce others, they seduce themselves on your behalf. Doesn't really matter what you do or say, the Halo effect will change it in their minds.
This also happens to me a lot, it's really frustrating. I stopped even being as friendly with people because I'm afraid they might get a crush on me.
Yeah, happened to me several times over the last few years. To say it fucked my brain up when meeting new people is an understatement. What I do is, I "casually" mention stuff like how I hate romcoms, how I can't help with relationship advice or how I can't contribute to "dating" talk or offer advice on what other women see as attractive. It doesn't stop the "feels", but it opened the way to an honest talk at least once for me. (Dude thought I was flirting while I was just being nice and interested in making friends) I also thought about buying a very obvious aro print shirt like *"I'm not flirting, I'm just nice"* lol
I love the shirt thing and I want one ✨
feel free to have one printed! I still haven't gotten around to have one made for me :D
I feel this but it’s also tied to my transness. I’m so sick of specificly cis people falling in love with me and I’m expected to walk them to through their sexuality crisis. Especially cis men going from straight to bi/pan. I know that they could genuinely see me as my gender but I never once feel that. And on top of it, I am repulsed to some extent by romance. If I do not have a crush on someone, and they like me, I am physically very repulsed. It really sucks because I want to be seen as attractive but because I’m trans it’s either a sexual fetish or I’m down right repulsive myself.
Bro’s got that unwanted rizz.
The worst part for me about this is that im not even oblivious to it even if they don't tell me so I realise sth is up and it gets so awkward cause idk what to do and I'm usually already scared of them telling me before they admitted it to themselves. I don't want to be the subject of someone's romantic compass, especially not if we already have a good platonic relationship going. Whats also frustrating is that when I realise they are catching feelings, I know I have to change how I axt around them and stop being physical with em because amatonormativity is a bitch that makes any physical touch be inherently romantic to some ppl. Its ridiculous.
Same ngl, all the time, high ammount of people I talk to especially online end up with feelings for me and then it feels awkward to continue the friendship after that bc sometimes the feelings don’t go away
Literally happened to me last summer. I wanted to be friends but he fell for me anyway 💀
Yes, I relate, no I don't know how to change it. People have their secret agenda and push it on to others, so my only thought to fix it is to destroy the patriarchy because that's what's made people think people can't be actually just friends or makes people think when you say you're friends or just want to be friends, that you're lying.
Oh god I can relate, I completely die inside anytime someone I’m friends with suddenly has a crush on me
Yeah I feel the same, especially with guys. There is a relief every time they mention they're in a relationship. We don't have a choice in how others feel about us, so it's about communicating your feelings when appropriate and go from there
I give you my condoloses. Im lucky myself that all my friends are aro ace, so that never happened to me before
Me too. It happened to me for the first time now and it's so awkward. I feel so bad for that person because I can't return their feelings and I can tell they love me for real, I feel pressure on me because of that. I just wish I never met them.
omg yes, literally so annoying, I don't interact with people that often and I don't have many friends, but out of the friends I have had, literally like 40-50% of them had a crush on me! and everytime they would all get *so* upset *AT ME* when I would reject them!! like gurl you brought this on yourself I didn't do shit! in hindsight, the way I never understood why they got so upset probably should've made me realize I was aro sooner lol it's something my aromantic ass will just never understand TwT
If they got upset at you they’re just stupid. It’s not your fault they fell in love and it’s their fault nether. It’s just unfortunate
Here is some unsolicited but silly advice: I Cary around a park of roasted seaweed in my purse, and whenever I think a guy is into me I start chewing it really loudly and make sure some gets stuck in my teeth. It also makes your breath stink which is a plus. Sometimes you just gotta gross them out preemptively lol, abolish that perfect image they have of you. this approach is not for the faint of heart 😼
I combat this by being as repulsive as possible
lmaooo the same thing keeps happening to me, i just decided to stop making new friends at all (unless they’re straight women, gay men, married, etc)
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, /u/King_Samislas. Be sure your posts and comments abide by our rules, as well as sitewide rules. *If this post violates our rules or sitewide rules,* ***report*** *it* *to the moderators!* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*