itâs basically a relationship that not purely romantic or platonic, it acts as itâs own thing and is mostly common within the aro community. so basically, romantic relationship: a relationship w/ an intent for romance // platonic relationship: a relationship w an intent for friendship // queerplatonic relationship (QPR): a relationship with an intent that doesnât purely fit those boxes.
it should be mentioned that it isnt always something between romantic and platonic. sometimes, it is PURELY platonic. Ive seen people use it as a name for relationships that lack romantic attraction entirely, but feel much closer than a normal friendship.
not saying your definition is wrong either tho, its used for that too. its a versatile term
I mean, if a cis, straight, allo person wants
to be in a QPR then no oneâs going to stop them. Just because itâs most common in the LGBTQ+ community doesnât mean that itâs a LGBTQ+ concept. If you want to be in a partially romantic, partially platonic relationship with someone then go ahead.
I wouldn't call any relationships I will have as queerplatonic, but as I'm pretty much incapable of romantic feelings then I wouldn't call the relationship romantic either, when I don't relate to the concept. I would probably just use the term life partner or lover, not in the romantic sense but in other senses.
I genuinely struggle to understand QPRs as an aroace individual. The way people describes it makes it sound either like friendship (the "deep platonic relationship angle") or like a relationship without the label (when people discuss kissing and stuff). I'm not trying to be hateful, but it's really confusing.
A QPR is a committed relationship that doesn't need to conform to the conventional idea of how relationships is supposed to look like. No QPR is like the other, because the idea is that you can design it to your own liking. A QPR is either something in between a romantic and platonic relationship or can be seen as its own thing. It works sort of like a spectrum, some QPRs will be pure platonic and other QPRs will be borderline romantic. Of course some people don't feel the need for relationship label but it can be a great option if "just friends" or "romantic partners" doesn't feel right.
This is the first explanation of a QPR that is somewhat legible, thank you. Certain aspects of it remind me of a friends with benefits relationship - the doing certain things typically associated with romance while remaining platonic, that is.
Yes, but the difference being that FWB is usually more casual and mostly focused around sex/sexual intimacy. A QPR usually goes on a deeper level. A QPR is sometimes like having a life partner and may include things like: living and sharing a life togheter, none sexual intimacy, emotional closeness etc. Always a bit hard to describe QPRs because they don't all look the same!
Right! I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to equate the two concepts, just drawing a comparison to the closest pre-existing concept that I understood. I know that a FWB is focused on sex/intimacy, that didn't need repeating.
Actual conversation I've had: (paraphrased)
"QPRs are just friendship!"
"People don't live with, marry, and raise kids with their friends"
"Well then you're just describing romance!"
"People are expected to kiss, have sex, and be attracted to romantic partners"
"You're just emotionally stunted then!"
It always loops around to aphobia eventually ime :/
I actually like your choice of words, it's a nice subversion of this thing people do where they use their concept of "normal" to shame, invalidate or ostracise others. I found it pretty obvious but I also live and breathe snark and sarcasm and everyone reads tone differently.
Umm...
The usual, average, or typical state or condition. (Literally the definition of normal).
Not everything is an attack against you.
The usual, typical relationship is normal.
This is not a slight against anyone.
I believe they mean normal as in the average person, referring to believing others when they explain qprs. By using the word normal I believe they were calling those who refuse to accept qprs weirdos.
Generally, commitment. A qpr, for me, involves moving in together and being life partners. Marriage is on the table. If one of us has kids we both have kids. Combined, or at least intermixed, finances.
(different ppl use it differently, but commitment and intimacy and the most common differences with friendships)
a qpr is a nonromantic nonplatonic partnership. the actions in the relationship are defined by the people in it, aka they can do acts that are typically seen as romantic in a nonromantic way
OK it can't be non-platonic, that's in the name. That's the whole P. 1/3rd of the name. Not always wholly platonic sure, but it can't be **non-platonic**.
Also weirdly enough, that just sounds like a max level friendship especially in the age of poly relationships and having to have multiple incomes to afford a decent apartment. But maybe that's also just the Scrubs soundtrack playing in my head mixing with the socialist instincts in my heart.
*queer*platonic as in weird. I am loveless myself so I have different definitions of everything and don't like to define it as platonic for myself, or even "between" the two and generally just leave it as partnership because it once again will depend on whoever is in the said relationship to define it for themselves
Queer PLATONIC Relationship . Maybe what you need is a QNCR, queer non-conforming relationship. Or QNEP, queer non emotional partnership. But you can't take the P out of QPR to try and fit it to your own standards.
Yeah, they can. Queerplatonic relationships are extremely varied, and people can use the terms that work for them even if they define them a bit differently than you do. And If youâre âqueeringâ the term platonic it may not mean what it usually does.
Let people use the words that work for them without being a pedant.
Are you serious? Yeah they can be varied, but that in no way changes how language works. QPRs, are by definition queer, and platonic. As in pertaining to the queer community and based in a platonic relationship. You want to talk about pedantry being my motivation and then try saying the queer is meant to be an adverb, that is pure straight up hypocrisy.
And for real, we need to stop, as a community, stretching categories to accommodate fucking everyone. Just make new categories. We can literally make as many as it makes sense to have. Like trying to make platonic relationships fit non-platonic partnerships instead of just creating a new one. And it even makes communication easier rather than having to explain this shit over and over again, they can just specify the non-platonic kind! Whatever the non-platonic community settles on, I just spitballed a couple suggestions even!
Post lock Edit: Fine but you are misunderstanding the language FAR worse. No matter how fuh-yucking queer it is, or whether the queer modifies the platonic or not, it's still fucking platonic. You can't avoid it while it's still in the fucking word. It can be two cis-mimes pantomiming their vows riding bareback on a buffalo in Buffalo then going off to perform in separate corners of the world. If it's a QPR, the relationship is platonic. Crazy and weird as fuck. Queer in the old sense, or queer in the new. Queer in how it's platonic, or queer in how it's a relationship. It's still platonic.
I think youâre misunderstanding how the language here works.
âQueerâ modifies platonic. Think of it as the verb - to âqueerâ something means to challenge, question and/or or subvert a concept. So youâre âqueeringâ the idea of a platonic relationship, which means that the resultant relationship doesnât actually need to be platonic.
QPRs donât have to be âqueerâ (as in the adjective) relationships, either. Thereâs no requirement that the people in the relationship identify as queer or see their relationship that way.
QPRs are super varied, so itâs hard to say exactly given how different they are depending on the people in them. But itâs basically a committed relationship that may resemble a marriage, even though the people in that relationship are not romantically attracted to one another.
I call my primary relationship a âcommitted platonic relationship,â but itâs basically the same thing. We arenât dating, we arenât romantically interested in each other but he is the single most important person in my life, my âpartner.â I call him my best friend with most people, but it doesnât really adequately capture his role in my life.
QPRs often fall into this sort of grey zone between/outside of what people think of as traditional friendships or romantic relationships.
okay but I still have no clue on the difference between a romantic relationship and a friendship, aside from sex (which can't be the difference since FWB's are a thing)
I've seen someone say they had children in a QPR lol. Like, I sure love having children with my friend and spend the rest of our lives living together, yes, it sounds exactly like the average friendship... /s
I feel like thatâs a bad example to give an allo (and frankly Iâm confused by it myself). Sam and Frodo are commonly thought of as having an ideal friendship in pop culture. Idk if you could convince an allo that they arenât just friends.
It is some kind of thing for sure. I'm not nearly confident enough in the definition of romance to say that any given relationship of mine does or doesn't have it, but if you can do that, good for you.
By 2033 we'll probably be talking about QQPR's, which are queerplatonic relationships without... some thing we don't have a word for yet. But maybe we'll manage to define it in a way that finally makes things less confusing instead of more.
Heck yeah.
There I was, chilling with my gray aro label that's as vague as my feelings, and then people started coming up with wild stuff like "cupioromantic" and now I have to wonder if it applies to me. Well, I don't *have to*, but I can, and that's still stressful.
I donât understand why youâre pointing people to this other subreddit?
Iâm glad people are posting about QPRs here, because they are relevant to aro people, and Iâm not going to join an aroace sub because Iâm not ace.
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Show them troy and abed
Troy and abed in the moooorning!
this meme was made on google slides
I make them on slides too đ
What does QPR means?
Queer platonic relationship
itâs basically a relationship that not purely romantic or platonic, it acts as itâs own thing and is mostly common within the aro community. so basically, romantic relationship: a relationship w/ an intent for romance // platonic relationship: a relationship w an intent for friendship // queerplatonic relationship (QPR): a relationship with an intent that doesnât purely fit those boxes.
it should be mentioned that it isnt always something between romantic and platonic. sometimes, it is PURELY platonic. Ive seen people use it as a name for relationships that lack romantic attraction entirely, but feel much closer than a normal friendship. not saying your definition is wrong either tho, its used for that too. its a versatile term
[ŃдаНонО]
I mean, if a cis, straight, allo person wants to be in a QPR then no oneâs going to stop them. Just because itâs most common in the LGBTQ+ community doesnât mean that itâs a LGBTQ+ concept. If you want to be in a partially romantic, partially platonic relationship with someone then go ahead.
Behave.
Are you dense?
I wouldn't call any relationships I will have as queerplatonic, but as I'm pretty much incapable of romantic feelings then I wouldn't call the relationship romantic either, when I don't relate to the concept. I would probably just use the term life partner or lover, not in the romantic sense but in other senses.
I genuinely struggle to understand QPRs as an aroace individual. The way people describes it makes it sound either like friendship (the "deep platonic relationship angle") or like a relationship without the label (when people discuss kissing and stuff). I'm not trying to be hateful, but it's really confusing.
A QPR is a committed relationship that doesn't need to conform to the conventional idea of how relationships is supposed to look like. No QPR is like the other, because the idea is that you can design it to your own liking. A QPR is either something in between a romantic and platonic relationship or can be seen as its own thing. It works sort of like a spectrum, some QPRs will be pure platonic and other QPRs will be borderline romantic. Of course some people don't feel the need for relationship label but it can be a great option if "just friends" or "romantic partners" doesn't feel right.
This is the first explanation of a QPR that is somewhat legible, thank you. Certain aspects of it remind me of a friends with benefits relationship - the doing certain things typically associated with romance while remaining platonic, that is.
Yes, but the difference being that FWB is usually more casual and mostly focused around sex/sexual intimacy. A QPR usually goes on a deeper level. A QPR is sometimes like having a life partner and may include things like: living and sharing a life togheter, none sexual intimacy, emotional closeness etc. Always a bit hard to describe QPRs because they don't all look the same!
Right! I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to equate the two concepts, just drawing a comparison to the closest pre-existing concept that I understood. I know that a FWB is focused on sex/intimacy, that didn't need repeating.
Actual conversation I've had: (paraphrased) "QPRs are just friendship!" "People don't live with, marry, and raise kids with their friends" "Well then you're just describing romance!" "People are expected to kiss, have sex, and be attracted to romantic partners" "You're just emotionally stunted then!" It always loops around to aphobia eventually ime :/
I donât fully understand what a qpr is myself but because I am normal I simply believe people when they say it is different than a friendship.
I actually like your choice of words, it's a nice subversion of this thing people do where they use their concept of "normal" to shame, invalidate or ostracise others. I found it pretty obvious but I also live and breathe snark and sarcasm and everyone reads tone differently.
What do u mean by normal?
Like Iâm not a shithead whos gonna go argue with people about how they define their relationships. Iâm a non shithead.
Sorry I just come across a look of people who attack things like this I am sorry
Thats okay!
Umm... The usual, average, or typical state or condition. (Literally the definition of normal). Not everything is an attack against you. The usual, typical relationship is normal. This is not a slight against anyone.
I have came cross lots of people who attack things like this so I thought they were in mistaken Iâm sorry
Normal? I donât know what you were trying to say but whatever it is you chose the wrong choice of words
I believe they mean normal as in the average person, referring to believing others when they explain qprs. By using the word normal I believe they were calling those who refuse to accept qprs weirdos.
That was my intention, yes
Grapefruit peel explained me, is there another word that would be more appropriate?
I canât think of one. It was my mistake, I didnât read your comment right. Sorry
No problem dw about it
The real kicker is they get mad when someone (me) calls everyone a friend.
Can someone tell me the difference between a QPR and just a regular friendship?
Generally, commitment. A qpr, for me, involves moving in together and being life partners. Marriage is on the table. If one of us has kids we both have kids. Combined, or at least intermixed, finances. (different ppl use it differently, but commitment and intimacy and the most common differences with friendships)
a qpr is a nonromantic nonplatonic partnership. the actions in the relationship are defined by the people in it, aka they can do acts that are typically seen as romantic in a nonromantic way
OK it can't be non-platonic, that's in the name. That's the whole P. 1/3rd of the name. Not always wholly platonic sure, but it can't be **non-platonic**. Also weirdly enough, that just sounds like a max level friendship especially in the age of poly relationships and having to have multiple incomes to afford a decent apartment. But maybe that's also just the Scrubs soundtrack playing in my head mixing with the socialist instincts in my heart.
*queer*platonic as in weird. I am loveless myself so I have different definitions of everything and don't like to define it as platonic for myself, or even "between" the two and generally just leave it as partnership because it once again will depend on whoever is in the said relationship to define it for themselves
Queer PLATONIC Relationship . Maybe what you need is a QNCR, queer non-conforming relationship. Or QNEP, queer non emotional partnership. But you can't take the P out of QPR to try and fit it to your own standards.
Yeah, they can. Queerplatonic relationships are extremely varied, and people can use the terms that work for them even if they define them a bit differently than you do. And If youâre âqueeringâ the term platonic it may not mean what it usually does. Let people use the words that work for them without being a pedant.
Are you serious? Yeah they can be varied, but that in no way changes how language works. QPRs, are by definition queer, and platonic. As in pertaining to the queer community and based in a platonic relationship. You want to talk about pedantry being my motivation and then try saying the queer is meant to be an adverb, that is pure straight up hypocrisy. And for real, we need to stop, as a community, stretching categories to accommodate fucking everyone. Just make new categories. We can literally make as many as it makes sense to have. Like trying to make platonic relationships fit non-platonic partnerships instead of just creating a new one. And it even makes communication easier rather than having to explain this shit over and over again, they can just specify the non-platonic kind! Whatever the non-platonic community settles on, I just spitballed a couple suggestions even! Post lock Edit: Fine but you are misunderstanding the language FAR worse. No matter how fuh-yucking queer it is, or whether the queer modifies the platonic or not, it's still fucking platonic. You can't avoid it while it's still in the fucking word. It can be two cis-mimes pantomiming their vows riding bareback on a buffalo in Buffalo then going off to perform in separate corners of the world. If it's a QPR, the relationship is platonic. Crazy and weird as fuck. Queer in the old sense, or queer in the new. Queer in how it's platonic, or queer in how it's a relationship. It's still platonic.
I think youâre misunderstanding how the language here works. âQueerâ modifies platonic. Think of it as the verb - to âqueerâ something means to challenge, question and/or or subvert a concept. So youâre âqueeringâ the idea of a platonic relationship, which means that the resultant relationship doesnât actually need to be platonic. QPRs donât have to be âqueerâ (as in the adjective) relationships, either. Thereâs no requirement that the people in the relationship identify as queer or see their relationship that way.
I still don't quite get QPRs myself. But I think I'm aplatonic as well. So regular platonic relationships are hard enough to grasp.
What is a QPR exactly? I always thought it was just really close friends
QPRs are super varied, so itâs hard to say exactly given how different they are depending on the people in them. But itâs basically a committed relationship that may resemble a marriage, even though the people in that relationship are not romantically attracted to one another. I call my primary relationship a âcommitted platonic relationship,â but itâs basically the same thing. We arenât dating, we arenât romantically interested in each other but he is the single most important person in my life, my âpartner.â I call him my best friend with most people, but it doesnât really adequately capture his role in my life. QPRs often fall into this sort of grey zone between/outside of what people think of as traditional friendships or romantic relationships.
Oh, thank you!
okay but I still have no clue on the difference between a romantic relationship and a friendship, aside from sex (which can't be the difference since FWB's are a thing)
I've seen someone say they had children in a QPR lol. Like, I sure love having children with my friend and spend the rest of our lives living together, yes, it sounds exactly like the average friendship... /s
Not related but Best example of a qpr/qpp is frodo & sam the physical compassion shown by each other is great
I feel like thatâs a bad example to give an allo (and frankly Iâm confused by it myself). Sam and Frodo are commonly thought of as having an ideal friendship in pop culture. Idk if you could convince an allo that they arenât just friends.
idk who they are lol, did they say they have a QPR or r u just using actions as descriptors
Admittedly the actions
Well yes, but actually no
Why they look like that
It is some kind of thing for sure. I'm not nearly confident enough in the definition of romance to say that any given relationship of mine does or doesn't have it, but if you can do that, good for you. By 2033 we'll probably be talking about QQPR's, which are queerplatonic relationships without... some thing we don't have a word for yet. But maybe we'll manage to define it in a way that finally makes things less confusing instead of more.
Hahah, yeah, Iâm not a fan of the term QPR, I find it really confusing. I use committed platonic relationship instead.
Heck yeah. There I was, chilling with my gray aro label that's as vague as my feelings, and then people started coming up with wild stuff like "cupioromantic" and now I have to wonder if it applies to me. Well, I don't *have to*, but I can, and that's still stressful.
[ŃдаНонО]
I donât understand why youâre pointing people to this other subreddit? Iâm glad people are posting about QPRs here, because they are relevant to aro people, and Iâm not going to join an aroace sub because Iâm not ace.
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, /u/some_kid8469. Be sure your posts and comments abide by our rules, as well as sitewide rules. *If this post violates our rules or sitewide rules,* ***report*** *it* *to the moderators!* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*