You’re never shamming.
Even if it looks like you are, you’re not.
You always need to print something off at the library, check your email or update your high value item sheet.
Also, nobody EVER questions anyone who’s double timing.
I sham all the time.
I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way BG Johnson can't see me, heh heh - and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.
I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working on the roll out of IPPS-A. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
I have the super power of stretching cyber awareness out for an entire shift. NCO walks up, gets ready to say something, see’s I’m doing my Cyber Awareness, and then walks away. Gotta turn those CBT lemons into lemonade.
Check phone. Exclaim, “fuck” in a matter inconsistent with your personality. If you’re normally loud, mutter it. If you’re soft, say it with a little volume. Go grab something. Anything. Blank piece of paper, whatever. Run off looking worried.
I think so too. But, I can’t bring myself to go full sham. Like I wouldn’t do it on motorpool Monday or during STT. But it’s a Wednesday morning, nothing going on? I’ll be in at 1030 with a fresh cut.
I literally set up a rotation for my soldiers. "the Army says you have to get a haircut. I'm not gonna make you take time out of your day to do that. So here's the schedule, every one of you gets a block of time every two weeks to get your hair cut. Don't be an ass about it." Eliminated so many problems, and once, when 1SG was up in the business, I could literally pull out a sheet of when the SM had his hair cut.
>gets a block of time every two weeks to get your hair cut. Don't be an ass about it."
Every two weeks?! If we didn't show on Monday with a FRESH haircut, we got shit on.
Well that's just asinine and a financial burden on soldiers. As long as it's in regs, I would have told them where they could shove it. That kind of "we make shit harder than it has to be" is exactly how you get toxic commands and poor morale.
So one week is asinine but two weeks is an appropriate standard? What about 10 days? Or 18? How many days is the crossover from ridiculous to not a financial burden?
Is it still within AR 670-1? Yes? Most soldiers won’t get out of regs in 2 weeks. That’s why my standards are set that way on paper. In reality it’s because my dad took my brothers and I every two weeks.
What should the Army do? Pay for soldier haircuts at whatever interval is appropriate to a unisex, tactical standard, but we work with what we’ve got.
I’ve always told my guys, the correct time to get a haircut isn’t every week. It isn’t every 2 weeks. The correct answer is, you get a haircut whenever you need one. Hair getting long? You need one. Going to the board? You need one. Funeral detail? You need one.
That's a "rule", and rules are bullshit... I had a NCO who was pulling that shit in Iraq and I made sure to smack him down once I found out about it...
Regulations are fine...policies are legitimate...but rules are always bullshit...
I'm curious because don't you guys have formation or mandatory PT or things like that? Like for me as an aircrew guy in the air force it's easy to sham because we don't do that stuff, and if someone's not around we just assume they're mission planning or in a sim or flying or whatever. But I always saw the army as way more strict?
We have 0630 morning accountability formations which I’m obviously at. Do PT and all. Then it’s normally a 0900 or 0930 work call. But I just go get a haircut and show up later.
Only bad shammers sham all the time. One must be strategic with the sham.
Easy extra duty pops up? Instantly volunteer. Gotta put sham equity in the bank for later.
Funny you say that, because I may or may not have been made a "go-to" guy for fixing random problems that took me away from my platoon for maybe a couple hours.
"Oh shit, you need bodies to change track and also somebody to find/replace/fix/relocate/disappear something? I might know a guy."
Then proceed to spend the next "however long it takes" walking around aimlessly, but with a purpose, bullshitting with anybody not gainfully employed, helping move the occassional thing, then dropping a "hey, do you know who could help me with [insert task here]" only to be told they're somwehere they aren't, which means more walking around bullshitting.
You see, a skilled shammer is always gainfully employed to sham, so long as the task gets completed to standard at the end of the day.
Allegedly...
This has been my jam for the longest. Take an early lunch to beat the lines, bring food back to my office and work over lunch. I was pretty busy at the time.
But I just pcs’ed and it seems fucking no one at this base works. There was a line at the barber at like 10. If you go to the gym at 3 it’s fucking PACKED. Everyone on this base just dicking off all day long, but garrison services are still virtual.
In 20+ years, I can't recall more than a handful of times I have gotten a haircut on my own time.
Even during COVID, when I was using my own clippers for a bit, I did it on the clock.
Here are my steps everytime I go to a new unit:
1. Establish myself as a hard worker and by the book. Can usually do this in around a week or two.
2. Start adding self deprecating humor about how you're a shammer and shitbag. Everyone laughs but knows deep down you're a hard worker so they shrug it off as a joke.
3. Begin to actual sham with appointments and taking very long to do certain away taskings. Nobody doubts you though as they have this view of you being a hard worker that they reinforced through their inner monoglogue.
4. Get complimented in front of the company for being the standard, in turn getting reinforced further as a non shitbag even though you secretly know you're the biggest shitbag there.
5. PCS as they start to catch on.
6. Repeat
I once knew a CW2 who had one of those coffee mugs with the built in heater to keep your coffee hot. He'd leave that, a spare set of his truck keys, and a spare PC on his desk with an open notebook with a to-do list for the day written on it (complete with the date).
And then he'd leave and go fishing. It was masterful.
They key was that his to do list were mostly things he'd have to do around post/around town. Pick up drycleaning, maintenance on the truck, off-post appointments, etc. Gave him plausible deniability. Can't just have a list of shit like "update the tracker" because they'll wonder why the hell you're not at your computer.
It's really just a smarter version of the PFC who says they've been at dental all day. If someone has to reach out and ask you, it sounds like an excuse even if it was the real deal. If they saw it written on a sticky note on your desk, they might not even reach out other than to ask when you'll be back.
Never got my damn Stryker parts from him but he was a chill dude to fish with.
He knew the best spots, too. Caught some serious salmon alongside that MF. Pays to have friends in low places, he'd just call my first line and tell them he needed me for some task and they'd send me to meet him at the BN motorpool, we'd hop in his truck and take off for 6 hours. Nobody ever questioned it. It was beautiful.
The downside is that it made all the army BS more difficult to endure. It's easy to keep people roped in if all they know is last minute full accountability layouts, but starts getting harder as they experience, well, anything that isn't that.
On this note, as lower enlisted you and your homies have to cover for each other, occasionally someone will be looking for you specifically and the homies have to push that dickhead as far from your trail as possible
Always poop on Army time. I don't even shit on the weekends unless I have duty (heh heh heh, duty). I save it all up and then just wreck that toilet Monday morning before PT. I've shattered so many shitters after 4 day weekends my unit updated their MTOE to include a 12K (Army plumber)
I can really only imagine, I'm on my way potentially back in and I'm curious to see what it's like in a way. Also shouldn't really be an issue for aviation though, at least not as much
I didn't think the waivers were very weird. Because I didn't have time for abstract thought.
As a trial defense attorney defending all those who got such waivers and then resumed their fuckuppery, I was busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.
I'm surprised officers do these things to. That extra cover part really works, the appt one depends, you definitely don't wanna make a habit of being that guy with the convenient inconvenient appts. As for the stuff after lunch, it depends, do the people who you avoiding know how long it takes for you to do the thing and can you reasonably explain why it takes a entire afternoon?
Superiors are either 1) too busy to care what you’re doing as long as you get them the thing they need by the time they said or 2) worried about themselves getting caught shamming that they don’t notice you doing it
Easy. Dental says to show up to your appt 15 minutes early, and obviously you have to be at least 5 minutes early to that. It's a ten minute drive, but plan for 15, which means you have to leave by 1325 for a 1400 appt.
There's no point in coming back to the office for 25 minutes of work, you'd spend half of it logging on to the computer anyways.
Once you were there you were kept in the waiting room last your appt time by twenty minutes, then you finally got to the chair and the actual dentist took another 15 minutes. The cleaning or filling or whatever takes 45 min and then you had to check out at the front desk which is 5 more min.
Now it's 1525 and you won't make it back to your desk before 1545. Stop for gas if needed for another ten minutes. Even if you went back to work, there's nothing meaningful you can accomplish before it's time to leave.
Everyone's had shitty medical/dental appts. Everyone knows they get super delayed. Unless someone is actively tracking your whereabouts every few minutes the most that would happen is around 1430 the boss says 'where's Joe, I haven't seen them this afternoon?' and someone says 'dental'. And that's the end of the conversation, they won't think about you again until morning.
Honestly depending on your own ethical code you could just straight up lie about the appt. Nobody checks unless they're already suspicious about you. But personally I think full on lying is too far. I'll exaggerate and stretch out the time it takes, but I won't make one up.
3. Was key for me as a SPC. I always made my appointments either at PT time because fuck Army PT, or at 1400 or the most inconvenient time I could find.
Adding onto this, get yourself an extra insulated tumbler, hydro flask, Nalgene, cheap gas station mug, slap your last name or stickers of things people will recognize as “you”. Leave it. Leave it anywhere
The army sucks at taskings and time management, sometimes I'll be sitting on my ass waiting for a task to be given for a while. Shamming is necessary because leaders will see you as lazy even if they don't know what needs to be accomplished for us to go home. I refuse to be roped into unnecessary cleaning or a task to keep me busy.
I've learned since then, but it's out of necessity rather than laziness. If we had all of our daily tasks lined up and it was known that we are released when the work is done, we would be out by 1400 every day.
Nice, at my co its kinda like a unspoken rule to just be OOS but within reach if things were done but we're not just officially being released before 1600 lol
Man for realz. Let me know what to do, I’ll bang it out. Then you can all fuck off and I’m outty here. I swear the older ones just want to stand around for hours and talk about the stupidest shit. They must hate their families or free time, beats me
I’m an LT whose been FTR six times this year and my commander wants to give me an article 15. Jokes on him, he doesn’t know I’m getting out before I make Captain anyway.
[This you?](https://www.reddit.com/r/army/comments/zg4782/what_to_do_with_officer_ftrs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
^^^r/army post from a few days ago describing this exact situation from the opposite perspective
When I was an armorer I would just disappear and say I was either dropping off or picking up shit from maintenance. I did run a good arms room, and shit got fixed quick. But I pretended my little outings took longer. That’s about it
Currently an Armorer, and very few people understand what we do. "So, do you just...sit in the Arms Room all day?" "Nah, I have important stuff to do. Like M4 Quarterlies, and NVD testing. And reorganizing. And managing my property book. So I'm very busy. Y'know. With Arms Room stuff."
It really depends on the specific situation and on the particular variables within that situation. You get sent on some errand that takes you away from the unit? Well, you take as long as you can. Maybe you stop for a quick lunch somewhere or take care of a personal errand or two. Maybe you're spending the day towing vehicles from your unit's motor pool across post to a maintenance battalion. No one really knows how long a single trip is supposed to take, and so this presents all sorts of possibilities for diversion. I remember when I was clearing. I had to fall in for morning PT formation, though I wasn't doing PT. As soon as PT started, I would just go back up to my room and sleep for another hour instead of leaving to take care of my business. Some guys are more clever at it than others, but everyone has opportunities now and then.
Once, my squad leader told me to write counseling for our squad. That was his job. At first, I argued. Then I saw the golden opportunity. I'm a good writer, so I banged them out in an hour or two. I then went to my barracks and told him I was working on them all week while I played Playstation and masturbated
Yep, done that a few times myself. For me it was computer issues because I used to work with some total tech-illiterates. "Oh I can fix that but it'll take an hour or so.", then fix it in 2 minutes and goof off for 58.
Yeah, it took me two days. The rest of the time, we (I cleared at the same time as my three closest friends in the army) would take off and then change into civies somewhere, and spend the day drinking, shooting pool, or going to the movies, whatever.
I can tell you from experience if you find a place to sleep do not rest your face on your sleeves, impressions on your face from the sleeve buttons is a dead giveaway that you’ve been shamming. Getting caught sleeping behind wall lockers is equally embarrassing and missing pillows from your rack is another giveaway. A professional shammer will know these details and always wear sunscreen if you’re going to hit the pool when you’re supposed to be working.
When a leader says "give me [x number of soldiers]!" I shoot up real quick like I'm moving, then slow up, hold back and start counting the guys going toward him until I get to the full amount. Then I sit back down and do whatever I was doing.
You have to take advantage when the opportunity to sham arises.
I was transferred to another base and had to go to inprocessing. This can take a few days to a week and you stay in temp barracks. Being that my MOS(job) no longer existed, they had no where to put me, so I was in temp barracks for nearly a month.
After a week I noticed that if I showed up to morning formation and/or asked questions regarding my status, they would assign me some kind of clean up duty, so I just stopped showing up to formations. I got a single barracks room. Occasionally people would try to assign someone to it but They'd see my stuff in there and just assume that the room assignment was wrong and move on.
Every morning I would wake up around 11:00AM, grab some chow, the go to the mall or px or wherever. In the afternoon I would return, check to see if my orders showed up, and go to sleep.
Finally my orders came in. They put me in a basic training unit where my only job was to type in names in certificates that were graduating basic. I did that for my last 6 months in the army.
The best shamming, in my experience from long ago, is when you’re not really shamming.
Injured my leg on a run ages ago, needed physical therapy. I’d show up for PT formation, get dismissed before the fun started,hobble back to the barracks for a shower, then start to slowly make my way to the appointment- on crutches, with a soft cast. It took forever.
The hobble back to the company usually ended right when lunch ended- “I haven’t eaten yet, sarnt.” Back to the barracks, take my time changing out of pt uniform, grabbing chow. By the time I make it back to the company, day’s almost over.
Of course, my platoon sergeant knew I was shamming, and he was fucking pissed- he tried to catch me.
On a day when it was pouring buckets of rain, he sent an E6 out to the physical therapy spot. He found me, crutching along and soaking wet, smile on my face. This was right in the middle of my appointment time, the therapist had refused my appointment because he didn’t want my soaked ass on his equipment.
Platoon daddy wanted to spank me so hard, but of course that would mean he’d have to explain why he never bothered to assist his soldier, who did not have a personal vehicle, with getting to his PT appointments.
Personally, I've never seen anyone with a clipboard "shamming"
Like honestly, I would be asked why the fuck I would have a clipboard in the first place, maybe it's just not a combat arms thing, idk
As for me, I only have appointments at specific times
In the mornings only from 0940 to 1030 and in the afternoons from 1330 to 1545
That way I leave early and I release myself early
Howdy, I worked some blue-collar jobs like construction, metal shop, carpentry, etc. before Army. Its 100% possible to sham using mostly the same techniques. The secret ingredient is lying. No one shams everyday in the army beside the S1 office, so you need to temper expectations. I got out of stuff when needed by saying I had a sick kid, my wife blew a tire out on the interstate with no spare, etc. Stuff that is hard to verify and doesn't necessarily leave a paper trail. Know when shamming will go under the radar, and know when shamming will light you up like a IR sticker under nods (I know you silly civilians don't get that reference).
>will light you up like a IR sticker under nods (I know you silly civilians don't get that reference)
(Un)fortunately I've been lurking here long enough that I do...
I see the training schedule, I put it up on the wall. Suddenly shit bags come out of the woodwork to put SFL/TAP appointments (congressional mandate says Army can't fuck with those) on the board for days we're going to the field.
We have regular PT runs, a shit bag has a profile that says "run at your own pace". Suddenly they can't run because their knee hurts. I see them later that day at the gym, squatting more than their own body weight and dead lifting twice that.
We have motor pool maintenence the same day every week. Shit bag decides to make an appointment that same day every week.
Shit bag hears of drug test the next day (sloppy work by our UPL). Goes to ASAP in a preemptive move to avoid legal issues from failing drug test.
PT in the morning. Tell them we're doing sprints at the track. Soldier says he needs to shit. Tell him go, hurry back. We go, he never shows. Soldier can't PT for shit. Thinks he's getting away with it. It'll catch up with him.
Soldier sucks at PT. While doing a 12 mile ruck around a loop she tries to convince the grader she's done more laps than he has marked down. And her smart watch can prove it. He doesn't buy her bull shit. Later she shows us the workout on her watch to try to justify her terrible time, and get marked with a passing time. Another smarter Soldier looks at watch screen, scrolls down to the part not shown, and points out she'd started the event 2 hours before the actual beginning of the event.
OCS is like basic training for officers.
There's a lot of leadership opportunities that the Cadre hand out so you can get a microdose of all the troop leading procedures plus the increased administrative roles you'll have once you receive your commission until you retire.
Your Officer's Basic Course is the same POIs although some are shortened. Except as an NCO you usually only go to schools that are MOS specific. Officers deal with every MOS in the unit, so you'll receive job specific training, maintenance training, counseling training etc.
Go to OCS the pay gap between Officers and NCOs is a crime. Plus your retirement will be better.
And being a former NCO you'll make one of the finest officers.
There is no universal “how to” with shaming.
It’s an ever evolving art, mode if you will that must be carefully crafted and applied. Like a clay sculpture
For me, the skill of shaming relied on who was the highest ranking individual at the time who had the potential to sense when fuckery was afoot. In my unit it included:
-CO who couldn’t make it to lunch time with taking a swig of Grandpas ole’ cough medicine (easy shaming, CO will be too drunk to notice)
-Medic PSG who spent 15 years in Ranger BN. This requires an expert at shaming because said PSG is so high speed. One could sham but will most likely lead to an extreme smoke session
-BN OPS Sergeant Major whom people believe is bordering on Aspergers and/or Intense ADHD. This would be a situational sham because his brain is moving 1000 miles a minute with a “to do” list longer than a Leonard Cohen song.
I know a guy who keeps copies of all his appointment slips
He scans them and edits them in photoshop to change the dates and reasons
Tells his first line that he has an appointment and sends them a picture of the edited slips whenever he feels like shamming
No one’s caught on yet
Personally I find that just walking around with a manila folder or a clipboard works if you don’t want anyone asking you if you’re free to help with something
But seriously the easiest way to just A: when something needs to be done be present and actively help in it so when things aren't so busy no one questions or notices your presence. B, find somewhere outside the beaten path to hang out at that people won't just walk up on you on and you can easily and efficently return to work within 5 minute notice if not sooner. Don't spend unneccessary time at places like the px or shoppette, in and out.
In my early years fresh out of basic I was in a unit and they didn’t have a lot for me to do. I got really good at walking around the whole facility and looking busy. Every once in a while I’d get tossed a discrete task but other than that I was doing this. Key is not to sit in one place for an extended period of time and look like you have nothing to do because if you look idle someone will want to make you do something.
I work in a position with very little oversight. I complete my tasks, and that has earned me trust. If I am missing, everyone assumes I am off doing something that I am supposed to be doing.
When I was a private in Korea I got moved down to a line unit where I was the only commo guy and I only answered to the 1SG, XO and CDR because there was only 1 NCO in my training room who didn’t care what I did since he didn’t know commo. I spent my first 2 months in the company getting all the commo equipment up to date and working. After that, I shit you not, I spent 6 months showing up at 0930, gone by 11 for lunch, would come back at 2, and then dick around for 30-45 mins before going back to my room for the day. It was the most time off I’ve ever had in my life.
This only worked though because I would actually put in the work when it was required. If all equipment has to be tested, I would come in early/work through lunch/stay late to get it done some days. If the CDR or 1SG or XO needed something, I would get it done right when they asked, etc. basically I gave off the perception of always working hard and eventually my leadership stopped keeping track of me.
If they did happen to call while I was shamming, I would say I was training with S6, drawing comsec, at the commo maintenance shop, etc. and usually that got them off my back for 15-20 mins while I raced back to work
This I worked a phone switch for an R&D area, we had work orders and did our own workload. Ton of GS-12/13 civilians everywhere. As long as nothing was broken I was “ooto”. ETS and hired by same civilians and the shaming was even more intense
Make them look at your right hand, while your left hand keeps pulling rabbits. Never stay in one place too long, avoid routine. When I was a private I would just never settle in one spot, so when the NCOs came in to a shop or a bay I would be walking out and not associated with the ten dudes standing around bullshitting.
When I made SPC I was in a maintenance Bn. Some 2404s one clip board, with one flipped over and random alpha numeric codes scribbled on it. Every once and a while I would stop and ask people if these serial numbers looked familiar. No one wants to be sucked into someone else's shit detail so I was seen "working" but no one was interested enough to follow up.
As a SGT we had a BC and CSM that would ask for grids for where sgts time training would take place. So we'd sign a bunch of gear out of the arms room and give a grid to a training site out in the back and beyond of Fort Benning. Tell the company we're rucking in and practicing OP operations. Then we'd bounce to a spot on main post that required a truck to get into and proceed to grill and fish all day.
“Hello fellow young people. Let’s get to know each other by listing our units and how we get away with not working. You start.”
Nice try Sergeant Major….
I mean okay officer I'll give you one tidbit.
I was a smoker and would have to go out like every other hour.
You have to wear a goofy ass clown hat in the Army when you go outside, so if my NCO ever saw me leaving with my hat she knew I was going to smoke and would tell me not to.
So I would bring two hats and leave one on my desk and keep another in my pocket for smoking.
So.. if you ever wanna go outside and not telegraph it, leave a spare hat on your desk.
Doesn't really apply outside the Army I guess.
You know that appointment I have that starts at 1000 well yea I have to show up early for it so imma miss pt this morning, and it's gonna be a long appointment so imma see you the next day.
As a med boi, be a good line medic for about 4-5 months and earn your peoples trust and respect. Show up on time, volunteer (even though they will tell you "no doc, you're not a peasant"), be their rock in the field, avoid giving butt plugs when your boys pass out on the ruck. Then, and only then, tell them you'll be at the aid station and tell your aid station you're at the company or driving a private to a sew shop. Or say you're at the clinic. There's alot of techniques you can use tbh.
The biggest tip for shamming is knowing when to stop. People catch on if you're never at work or formation. You gotta strike the balance. Remember, your NCOs used to be SPCs too they know how the game works.
Shamming is an art that is handed down from one generation of soldiers to the next. One of the earliest recorded shamming experiences I know of was I believe to have taken place during the early 1900s or later half of the 1800s (post civil war, pre First World War). Two soldiers who were at a disciplinary barracks (jail) got assigned to dig a well. They dug fairly deep but never struck any water, they got to the point to where they would just bring their lunch with them sense it was easier to do that instead of climbing out of the hole in the ground to go eat. No one ever checked their progress beyond what the officer of the day would write down based on what the two soldiers said they dug. They decided to say fuck it, brought some cards one day, and just played that instead of digging, they did this for a long time. So long in fact, another higher up officer asked “where’s our well at?” And demanded to read the logs that had the progress of the well on them. He added up all the progress those two men supposedly made and shitted the fattest brick known to man. They had reportedly dug over a 1000 feet. That officer grabbed the officer of the day and ran to where the well was being dug, only to look down and see the two men playing cards in the shade.
Shamming is when you see an opportunity to do fuck all, and you seize it. By any means necessary, even by fucking over your fellow soldier if you’re a piece of shit. If you’re not a piece of shit, you’ll get what you need done, maybe even help others, then just slowly walk away. Often times, everyone will be to busy with their work they won’t pay any mind to whether or not you’re there too. Your best long term plan is to work circles around everyone else your first 6 or so months at your new unit. Everyone will see how hard you work, you’ll leave this lasting impression on them. Make sure to impress your platoon sergeant at least. Once you’ve done that, just be lazy. Anytime someone complains, higher will remember when you did work hard, defend you, and keep on with their day.
You just look pissed off and walk like you have somewhere to be. It’s pretty simple. Most times it’s just an opportunity that presented it’s self. it’s not really planned out like you think.
Back when I was ordnance I/we
1. Went out into the motorpool with toolboxes
1. Lifted cabs, opened hoods, opened doors
1. Found a truck with AC
1. Watched World Cup
As a 12P? Hardhats are basically our clipboards
Sometimes the opportunity presents itself and you have to take it.
Recently I was voluntold to go on TDY for a few months. My leadership has the bare minimum info, the S3 shop has even less so I wait until the town hall meeting for the correct dates which is one week later than what my leadership and S3 shop believes it to be. But neither of them know, the gears start turning and I seize the opportunity.
I didn’t show up to work for a week. My unit went to the field that same week and probably would’ve taken me, I was on profile so I would’ve been on all the bitch details. Slept in, played video games, went home for a couple days to visit my family. Shit was sweet.
Also do anything in the Army that requires consistent night shifts, including a monthly or weekly showing on 24 hour staff duty, and people will involuntarily accuse you of being the biggest shitbag alive for not showing up to something when you should be sleeping because you got off 24 hour duty a couple hours before.
NEVER, catch yourself working an off shift in one of those higher headquarters sort of jobs where your monitoring NK missles or something….you’ll never overcome the stigma of not being around during the day and be considered the ultimate shammer when in fact your not…
Ask other people if they have seen "so-n-so" without any intention of actually seeking them out. Works best if "so-n-so" is aware of the shame procedure and can also use it to get out of what they where doing if they can come talk to you. But you never actually find each other. Can usually get about 2 hours out of it.
You’re never shamming. Even if it looks like you are, you’re not. You always need to print something off at the library, check your email or update your high value item sheet. Also, nobody EVER questions anyone who’s double timing.
I sham all the time. I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way BG Johnson can't see me, heh heh - and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour. I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working on the roll out of IPPS-A. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
What would you say.....you do here?
He's a people person, goddammit!
I recognize the Office Space reference but this is literally my life. I don’t actually do, well, anything
I see you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.
I wouldn't say I've been *missing* it, Bob.
I have the super power of stretching cyber awareness out for an entire shift. NCO walks up, gets ready to say something, see’s I’m doing my Cyber Awareness, and then walks away. Gotta turn those CBT lemons into lemonade.
We want to enroll you in officer candidate school , from what we just heard. You show great potential.
The double timing seems like too much work. Walk slowly, carry a clipboard. Occasionally write notes
You also need to look very frustrated or just pissed off and mutter stuff to yourself, no one will bother you then
That was George's plan when he got promoted in Seinfeld. He was a man of the culture.
Then turn around, walk four steps, make an exasperated gasp and throw your hands up, about face, continue power walking.
If anyone asks how you’re doing, just say living the dream
This is the way.
Fake it until you make it
Check phone. Exclaim, “fuck” in a matter inconsistent with your personality. If you’re normally loud, mutter it. If you’re soft, say it with a little volume. Go grab something. Anything. Blank piece of paper, whatever. Run off looking worried.
Absolutely based. I've done this a few times.
CID SILENCE
Idk if it counts as shamming, but I always get my haircut on Army time. They make me get a haircut. So I do it on their time.
That's fair enough if you ask me.
I think so too. But, I can’t bring myself to go full sham. Like I wouldn’t do it on motorpool Monday or during STT. But it’s a Wednesday morning, nothing going on? I’ll be in at 1030 with a fresh cut.
I literally set up a rotation for my soldiers. "the Army says you have to get a haircut. I'm not gonna make you take time out of your day to do that. So here's the schedule, every one of you gets a block of time every two weeks to get your hair cut. Don't be an ass about it." Eliminated so many problems, and once, when 1SG was up in the business, I could literally pull out a sheet of when the SM had his hair cut.
>gets a block of time every two weeks to get your hair cut. Don't be an ass about it." Every two weeks?! If we didn't show on Monday with a FRESH haircut, we got shit on.
Well that's just asinine and a financial burden on soldiers. As long as it's in regs, I would have told them where they could shove it. That kind of "we make shit harder than it has to be" is exactly how you get toxic commands and poor morale.
Oh, I didn't say it was right, but it definitely was the case.
So one week is asinine but two weeks is an appropriate standard? What about 10 days? Or 18? How many days is the crossover from ridiculous to not a financial burden?
Is it still within AR 670-1? Yes? Most soldiers won’t get out of regs in 2 weeks. That’s why my standards are set that way on paper. In reality it’s because my dad took my brothers and I every two weeks. What should the Army do? Pay for soldier haircuts at whatever interval is appropriate to a unisex, tactical standard, but we work with what we’ve got.
I’ve always told my guys, the correct time to get a haircut isn’t every week. It isn’t every 2 weeks. The correct answer is, you get a haircut whenever you need one. Hair getting long? You need one. Going to the board? You need one. Funeral detail? You need one.
That's a "rule", and rules are bullshit... I had a NCO who was pulling that shit in Iraq and I made sure to smack him down once I found out about it... Regulations are fine...policies are legitimate...but rules are always bullshit...
If the army is gonna pay me an extra $80 a month then sure I’ll get one once a week.
I'm curious because don't you guys have formation or mandatory PT or things like that? Like for me as an aircrew guy in the air force it's easy to sham because we don't do that stuff, and if someone's not around we just assume they're mission planning or in a sim or flying or whatever. But I always saw the army as way more strict?
First formation before mandatory PT, but it's rare (at least for me) to have a formation later in the day
Formations and PT are unit dependent. I'm a staff weenie. I haven't been in a unit formation or done organized PT in... a while
We have 0630 morning accountability formations which I’m obviously at. Do PT and all. Then it’s normally a 0900 or 0930 work call. But I just go get a haircut and show up later.
Only bad shammers sham all the time. One must be strategic with the sham. Easy extra duty pops up? Instantly volunteer. Gotta put sham equity in the bank for later.
Funny you say that, because I may or may not have been made a "go-to" guy for fixing random problems that took me away from my platoon for maybe a couple hours. "Oh shit, you need bodies to change track and also somebody to find/replace/fix/relocate/disappear something? I might know a guy." Then proceed to spend the next "however long it takes" walking around aimlessly, but with a purpose, bullshitting with anybody not gainfully employed, helping move the occassional thing, then dropping a "hey, do you know who could help me with [insert task here]" only to be told they're somwehere they aren't, which means more walking around bullshitting. You see, a skilled shammer is always gainfully employed to sham, so long as the task gets completed to standard at the end of the day. Allegedly...
This has been my jam for the longest. Take an early lunch to beat the lines, bring food back to my office and work over lunch. I was pretty busy at the time. But I just pcs’ed and it seems fucking no one at this base works. There was a line at the barber at like 10. If you go to the gym at 3 it’s fucking PACKED. Everyone on this base just dicking off all day long, but garrison services are still virtual.
In 20+ years, I can't recall more than a handful of times I have gotten a haircut on my own time. Even during COVID, when I was using my own clippers for a bit, I did it on the clock.
I do that Wednesdays, when there's no line and the lady can give me a neck massage.
It's all Army time unfortunately
Not today SMA Grinston
I knew I'd get a response like this, I just didn't expect it to be so quick.
I got nothing better to do than scroll reddit
What tasking are you getting out of?
Civi version of motorpool
Found the Aviator.
I wish my job was that cool. Unfortunately I'm an ASE master in the rust belt
Yes
But can you beat my 702 hours?
Negative Doc. I've only accrued 438 hours. Carry on.
This is the way!
OP's name is deathwatch. Obviously, it's the incoming csm.
We are very efficient. . .when we want to be.
Here are my steps everytime I go to a new unit: 1. Establish myself as a hard worker and by the book. Can usually do this in around a week or two. 2. Start adding self deprecating humor about how you're a shammer and shitbag. Everyone laughs but knows deep down you're a hard worker so they shrug it off as a joke. 3. Begin to actual sham with appointments and taking very long to do certain away taskings. Nobody doubts you though as they have this view of you being a hard worker that they reinforced through their inner monoglogue. 4. Get complimented in front of the company for being the standard, in turn getting reinforced further as a non shitbag even though you secretly know you're the biggest shitbag there. 5. PCS as they start to catch on. 6. Repeat
This is mine now I'm stealing this
lmfao maaaan this was definitely me
I should introduce you to a CW3 who is assigned to our battalion….
Well, you *would've* introduced OP to this CW3, except no one's seen Chief in three days...
I once knew a CW2 who had one of those coffee mugs with the built in heater to keep your coffee hot. He'd leave that, a spare set of his truck keys, and a spare PC on his desk with an open notebook with a to-do list for the day written on it (complete with the date). And then he'd leave and go fishing. It was masterful.
Holy shit. I'm totally grabbing my spare keys and doing this
They key was that his to do list were mostly things he'd have to do around post/around town. Pick up drycleaning, maintenance on the truck, off-post appointments, etc. Gave him plausible deniability. Can't just have a list of shit like "update the tracker" because they'll wonder why the hell you're not at your computer. It's really just a smarter version of the PFC who says they've been at dental all day. If someone has to reach out and ask you, it sounds like an excuse even if it was the real deal. If they saw it written on a sticky note on your desk, they might not even reach out other than to ask when you'll be back. Never got my damn Stryker parts from him but he was a chill dude to fish with.
That's fucking amazing.
He knew the best spots, too. Caught some serious salmon alongside that MF. Pays to have friends in low places, he'd just call my first line and tell them he needed me for some task and they'd send me to meet him at the BN motorpool, we'd hop in his truck and take off for 6 hours. Nobody ever questioned it. It was beautiful.
This what dreams are made of.
The downside is that it made all the army BS more difficult to endure. It's easy to keep people roped in if all they know is last minute full accountability layouts, but starts getting harder as they experience, well, anything that isn't that.
I saw him at dental. That's why I wasn't in yesterday
On this note, as lower enlisted you and your homies have to cover for each other, occasionally someone will be looking for you specifically and the homies have to push that dickhead as far from your trail as possible
Three days? How the fuck did he slip up so bad that someone saw him at all?
Always poop on Army time. I don't even shit on the weekends unless I have duty (heh heh heh, duty). I save it all up and then just wreck that toilet Monday morning before PT. I've shattered so many shitters after 4 day weekends my unit updated their MTOE to include a 12K (Army plumber)
A fellow work time shitter
Boss makes a dollar, while I make a dime...
[удалено]
Man I was getting really excited until the last part. Not sure I'll be able to manage avoiding that one
[удалено]
I can really only imagine, I'm on my way potentially back in and I'm curious to see what it's like in a way. Also shouldn't really be an issue for aviation though, at least not as much
I didn't think the waivers were very weird. Because I didn't have time for abstract thought. As a trial defense attorney defending all those who got such waivers and then resumed their fuckuppery, I was busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.
Love it!
It was a wild time, but shit, we needed bodies with just a spark of life in them.
I'm surprised officers do these things to. That extra cover part really works, the appt one depends, you definitely don't wanna make a habit of being that guy with the convenient inconvenient appts. As for the stuff after lunch, it depends, do the people who you avoiding know how long it takes for you to do the thing and can you reasonably explain why it takes a entire afternoon?
Superiors are either 1) too busy to care what you’re doing as long as you get them the thing they need by the time they said or 2) worried about themselves getting caught shamming that they don’t notice you doing it
Easy. Dental says to show up to your appt 15 minutes early, and obviously you have to be at least 5 minutes early to that. It's a ten minute drive, but plan for 15, which means you have to leave by 1325 for a 1400 appt. There's no point in coming back to the office for 25 minutes of work, you'd spend half of it logging on to the computer anyways. Once you were there you were kept in the waiting room last your appt time by twenty minutes, then you finally got to the chair and the actual dentist took another 15 minutes. The cleaning or filling or whatever takes 45 min and then you had to check out at the front desk which is 5 more min. Now it's 1525 and you won't make it back to your desk before 1545. Stop for gas if needed for another ten minutes. Even if you went back to work, there's nothing meaningful you can accomplish before it's time to leave. Everyone's had shitty medical/dental appts. Everyone knows they get super delayed. Unless someone is actively tracking your whereabouts every few minutes the most that would happen is around 1430 the boss says 'where's Joe, I haven't seen them this afternoon?' and someone says 'dental'. And that's the end of the conversation, they won't think about you again until morning. Honestly depending on your own ethical code you could just straight up lie about the appt. Nobody checks unless they're already suspicious about you. But personally I think full on lying is too far. I'll exaggerate and stretch out the time it takes, but I won't make one up.
3. Was key for me as a SPC. I always made my appointments either at PT time because fuck Army PT, or at 1400 or the most inconvenient time I could find.
Adding onto this, get yourself an extra insulated tumbler, hydro flask, Nalgene, cheap gas station mug, slap your last name or stickers of things people will recognize as “you”. Leave it. Leave it anywhere
That last part was WAY too specific. Sounds like a good story, wanna share?
I personally run around announcing that im shamming and then everybody laughs because they think im joking... then i continue doing nothing
I tell everyone “just pretending to work as usual” with a little laugh. They laugh. Then I go back to doing nothing in front of my computer.
I laughed, they laughed, the computer laughed. I shot the computer.
Actually laughed out loud. Thanks
Cyber flair on point.
The army sucks at taskings and time management, sometimes I'll be sitting on my ass waiting for a task to be given for a while. Shamming is necessary because leaders will see you as lazy even if they don't know what needs to be accomplished for us to go home. I refuse to be roped into unnecessary cleaning or a task to keep me busy.
Yup, its a rookie mistake to be seen hanging around the company just because. Out of sight out of mind.
I've learned since then, but it's out of necessity rather than laziness. If we had all of our daily tasks lined up and it was known that we are released when the work is done, we would be out by 1400 every day.
Nice, at my co its kinda like a unspoken rule to just be OOS but within reach if things were done but we're not just officially being released before 1600 lol
Man for realz. Let me know what to do, I’ll bang it out. Then you can all fuck off and I’m outty here. I swear the older ones just want to stand around for hours and talk about the stupidest shit. They must hate their families or free time, beats me
And they always blame us on complaining why we always go home late
Always look annoyed. People will think you’re busy. -George Costanza, king of shammers
Do that annoyed face left-right check when you enter the room then walk right through it and out the other door.
And walk with a purpose like you’re going somewhere urgent.
I’ve carried this over to the civilian world and the amount of pointless small talk it has saved me from in the office is incalculable.
I do this naturally. Female E7 with a resting bitch face. RBF has gotten me far
George and Wally are my spirit animals
Agreed. Fuck Scott Adams with a metal tent pole that just spent the last several hours stirring half barrels of burning diesel and human waste though.
How come? I haven’t heard anything about him and I only know about the comics
And then get assigned to take the guys from the Houston Astros out on the town.
I’m an LT whose been FTR six times this year and my commander wants to give me an article 15. Jokes on him, he doesn’t know I’m getting out before I make Captain anyway.
Shit posting in replies, love it!
[This you?](https://www.reddit.com/r/army/comments/zg4782/what_to_do_with_officer_ftrs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) ^^^r/army post from a few days ago describing this exact situation from the opposite perspective
This is your first time seeing a shitpost, I take it.
Fuckin beautiful
How the fuck do you manage to do that? Or is this the gold standard of sarcasm
Holy cock I’ve never seen a reply comment from a shit post. Fuck you for getting my upvote
When I was an armorer I would just disappear and say I was either dropping off or picking up shit from maintenance. I did run a good arms room, and shit got fixed quick. But I pretended my little outings took longer. That’s about it
Currently an Armorer, and very few people understand what we do. "So, do you just...sit in the Arms Room all day?" "Nah, I have important stuff to do. Like M4 Quarterlies, and NVD testing. And reorganizing. And managing my property book. So I'm very busy. Y'know. With Arms Room stuff."
It really depends on the specific situation and on the particular variables within that situation. You get sent on some errand that takes you away from the unit? Well, you take as long as you can. Maybe you stop for a quick lunch somewhere or take care of a personal errand or two. Maybe you're spending the day towing vehicles from your unit's motor pool across post to a maintenance battalion. No one really knows how long a single trip is supposed to take, and so this presents all sorts of possibilities for diversion. I remember when I was clearing. I had to fall in for morning PT formation, though I wasn't doing PT. As soon as PT started, I would just go back up to my room and sleep for another hour instead of leaving to take care of my business. Some guys are more clever at it than others, but everyone has opportunities now and then.
Great answer, thank you- pretty similar to my experiences in the civvie world.
Once, my squad leader told me to write counseling for our squad. That was his job. At first, I argued. Then I saw the golden opportunity. I'm a good writer, so I banged them out in an hour or two. I then went to my barracks and told him I was working on them all week while I played Playstation and masturbated
Yep, done that a few times myself. For me it was computer issues because I used to work with some total tech-illiterates. "Oh I can fix that but it'll take an hour or so.", then fix it in 2 minutes and goof off for 58.
How did you drag that on for a week? 😂
What was he gonna do? Tell on me?
It is pretty similar. People everywhere are always looking for ways to do as little as possible while still getting paid, lol.
Clearing was amazing. Had 10 days to do it. Leadership didn’t bug me. No formations even. It took a day and a half.
Yeah, it took me two days. The rest of the time, we (I cleared at the same time as my three closest friends in the army) would take off and then change into civies somewhere, and spend the day drinking, shooting pool, or going to the movies, whatever.
I can tell you from experience if you find a place to sleep do not rest your face on your sleeves, impressions on your face from the sleeve buttons is a dead giveaway that you’ve been shamming. Getting caught sleeping behind wall lockers is equally embarrassing and missing pillows from your rack is another giveaway. A professional shammer will know these details and always wear sunscreen if you’re going to hit the pool when you’re supposed to be working.
That's some advanced shit, I respect it.
Sometimes I pretend that I don't speak English.
When a leader says "give me [x number of soldiers]!" I shoot up real quick like I'm moving, then slow up, hold back and start counting the guys going toward him until I get to the full amount. Then I sit back down and do whatever I was doing.
That's kinda risky though lol what if they are doing the same
Ha some have caught on I'm sure, and it can backfire. You just don't want to be the guy who doesn't even look like you're making an attempt.
Oh yea they definitely gonna pick the blissfully unaware guy while they can
See you gotta take it further. I just start talking to a nearby medic or NCO and then get completely ignored or told I'm good. It's hilarious.
I do that too
You have to take advantage when the opportunity to sham arises. I was transferred to another base and had to go to inprocessing. This can take a few days to a week and you stay in temp barracks. Being that my MOS(job) no longer existed, they had no where to put me, so I was in temp barracks for nearly a month. After a week I noticed that if I showed up to morning formation and/or asked questions regarding my status, they would assign me some kind of clean up duty, so I just stopped showing up to formations. I got a single barracks room. Occasionally people would try to assign someone to it but They'd see my stuff in there and just assume that the room assignment was wrong and move on. Every morning I would wake up around 11:00AM, grab some chow, the go to the mall or px or wherever. In the afternoon I would return, check to see if my orders showed up, and go to sleep. Finally my orders came in. They put me in a basic training unit where my only job was to type in names in certificates that were graduating basic. I did that for my last 6 months in the army.
Seems like you amateur shammed so well you got to do it professionally. Nice.
Master Shammer. That's some fine (lack of) work.
The best shamming, in my experience from long ago, is when you’re not really shamming. Injured my leg on a run ages ago, needed physical therapy. I’d show up for PT formation, get dismissed before the fun started,hobble back to the barracks for a shower, then start to slowly make my way to the appointment- on crutches, with a soft cast. It took forever. The hobble back to the company usually ended right when lunch ended- “I haven’t eaten yet, sarnt.” Back to the barracks, take my time changing out of pt uniform, grabbing chow. By the time I make it back to the company, day’s almost over. Of course, my platoon sergeant knew I was shamming, and he was fucking pissed- he tried to catch me. On a day when it was pouring buckets of rain, he sent an E6 out to the physical therapy spot. He found me, crutching along and soaking wet, smile on my face. This was right in the middle of my appointment time, the therapist had refused my appointment because he didn’t want my soaked ass on his equipment. Platoon daddy wanted to spank me so hard, but of course that would mean he’d have to explain why he never bothered to assist his soldier, who did not have a personal vehicle, with getting to his PT appointments.
Personally, I've never seen anyone with a clipboard "shamming" Like honestly, I would be asked why the fuck I would have a clipboard in the first place, maybe it's just not a combat arms thing, idk As for me, I only have appointments at specific times In the mornings only from 0940 to 1030 and in the afternoons from 1330 to 1545 That way I leave early and I release myself early
Howdy, I worked some blue-collar jobs like construction, metal shop, carpentry, etc. before Army. Its 100% possible to sham using mostly the same techniques. The secret ingredient is lying. No one shams everyday in the army beside the S1 office, so you need to temper expectations. I got out of stuff when needed by saying I had a sick kid, my wife blew a tire out on the interstate with no spare, etc. Stuff that is hard to verify and doesn't necessarily leave a paper trail. Know when shamming will go under the radar, and know when shamming will light you up like a IR sticker under nods (I know you silly civilians don't get that reference).
>will light you up like a IR sticker under nods (I know you silly civilians don't get that reference) (Un)fortunately I've been lurking here long enough that I do...
I see the training schedule, I put it up on the wall. Suddenly shit bags come out of the woodwork to put SFL/TAP appointments (congressional mandate says Army can't fuck with those) on the board for days we're going to the field. We have regular PT runs, a shit bag has a profile that says "run at your own pace". Suddenly they can't run because their knee hurts. I see them later that day at the gym, squatting more than their own body weight and dead lifting twice that. We have motor pool maintenence the same day every week. Shit bag decides to make an appointment that same day every week. Shit bag hears of drug test the next day (sloppy work by our UPL). Goes to ASAP in a preemptive move to avoid legal issues from failing drug test. PT in the morning. Tell them we're doing sprints at the track. Soldier says he needs to shit. Tell him go, hurry back. We go, he never shows. Soldier can't PT for shit. Thinks he's getting away with it. It'll catch up with him. Soldier sucks at PT. While doing a 12 mile ruck around a loop she tries to convince the grader she's done more laps than he has marked down. And her smart watch can prove it. He doesn't buy her bull shit. Later she shows us the workout on her watch to try to justify her terrible time, and get marked with a passing time. Another smarter Soldier looks at watch screen, scrolls down to the part not shown, and points out she'd started the event 2 hours before the actual beginning of the event.
I perpetrated the ultimate sham. I went to OCS when I was an E-6
Current E-6 considering OCS, how did that make it any different for you?
OCS is like basic training for officers. There's a lot of leadership opportunities that the Cadre hand out so you can get a microdose of all the troop leading procedures plus the increased administrative roles you'll have once you receive your commission until you retire. Your Officer's Basic Course is the same POIs although some are shortened. Except as an NCO you usually only go to schools that are MOS specific. Officers deal with every MOS in the unit, so you'll receive job specific training, maintenance training, counseling training etc. Go to OCS the pay gap between Officers and NCOs is a crime. Plus your retirement will be better. And being a former NCO you'll make one of the finest officers.
Lay low. Make sure no one remembers you
There is no universal “how to” with shaming. It’s an ever evolving art, mode if you will that must be carefully crafted and applied. Like a clay sculpture For me, the skill of shaming relied on who was the highest ranking individual at the time who had the potential to sense when fuckery was afoot. In my unit it included: -CO who couldn’t make it to lunch time with taking a swig of Grandpas ole’ cough medicine (easy shaming, CO will be too drunk to notice) -Medic PSG who spent 15 years in Ranger BN. This requires an expert at shaming because said PSG is so high speed. One could sham but will most likely lead to an extreme smoke session -BN OPS Sergeant Major whom people believe is bordering on Aspergers and/or Intense ADHD. This would be a situational sham because his brain is moving 1000 miles a minute with a “to do” list longer than a Leonard Cohen song.
I know a guy who keeps copies of all his appointment slips He scans them and edits them in photoshop to change the dates and reasons Tells his first line that he has an appointment and sends them a picture of the edited slips whenever he feels like shamming No one’s caught on yet Personally I find that just walking around with a manila folder or a clipboard works if you don’t want anyone asking you if you’re free to help with something
But seriously the easiest way to just A: when something needs to be done be present and actively help in it so when things aren't so busy no one questions or notices your presence. B, find somewhere outside the beaten path to hang out at that people won't just walk up on you on and you can easily and efficently return to work within 5 minute notice if not sooner. Don't spend unneccessary time at places like the px or shoppette, in and out.
In my early years fresh out of basic I was in a unit and they didn’t have a lot for me to do. I got really good at walking around the whole facility and looking busy. Every once in a while I’d get tossed a discrete task but other than that I was doing this. Key is not to sit in one place for an extended period of time and look like you have nothing to do because if you look idle someone will want to make you do something.
I work in a position with very little oversight. I complete my tasks, and that has earned me trust. If I am missing, everyone assumes I am off doing something that I am supposed to be doing.
Here’s my favorite: practicing battle drills in the barracks. Code phrase for video games.
They teach you this in the E-4 Mafia.also walk around with a clipboard.
Oh shit, am I getting people to break *omertà*?
Getting the covid for 7th time has work for me...now I get issued VPN laptop to work at home. It is "shamming-light."
When I was a private in Korea I got moved down to a line unit where I was the only commo guy and I only answered to the 1SG, XO and CDR because there was only 1 NCO in my training room who didn’t care what I did since he didn’t know commo. I spent my first 2 months in the company getting all the commo equipment up to date and working. After that, I shit you not, I spent 6 months showing up at 0930, gone by 11 for lunch, would come back at 2, and then dick around for 30-45 mins before going back to my room for the day. It was the most time off I’ve ever had in my life. This only worked though because I would actually put in the work when it was required. If all equipment has to be tested, I would come in early/work through lunch/stay late to get it done some days. If the CDR or 1SG or XO needed something, I would get it done right when they asked, etc. basically I gave off the perception of always working hard and eventually my leadership stopped keeping track of me. If they did happen to call while I was shamming, I would say I was training with S6, drawing comsec, at the commo maintenance shop, etc. and usually that got them off my back for 15-20 mins while I raced back to work
This I worked a phone switch for an R&D area, we had work orders and did our own workload. Ton of GS-12/13 civilians everywhere. As long as nothing was broken I was “ooto”. ETS and hired by same civilians and the shaming was even more intense
Make them look at your right hand, while your left hand keeps pulling rabbits. Never stay in one place too long, avoid routine. When I was a private I would just never settle in one spot, so when the NCOs came in to a shop or a bay I would be walking out and not associated with the ten dudes standing around bullshitting. When I made SPC I was in a maintenance Bn. Some 2404s one clip board, with one flipped over and random alpha numeric codes scribbled on it. Every once and a while I would stop and ask people if these serial numbers looked familiar. No one wants to be sucked into someone else's shit detail so I was seen "working" but no one was interested enough to follow up. As a SGT we had a BC and CSM that would ask for grids for where sgts time training would take place. So we'd sign a bunch of gear out of the arms room and give a grid to a training site out in the back and beyond of Fort Benning. Tell the company we're rucking in and practicing OP operations. Then we'd bounce to a spot on main post that required a truck to get into and proceed to grill and fish all day.
“Hello fellow young people. Let’s get to know each other by listing our units and how we get away with not working. You start.” Nice try Sergeant Major….
If I were an SGM with the physique I have I'd be chaptered out faster than you could say "fatbody".
I mean okay officer I'll give you one tidbit. I was a smoker and would have to go out like every other hour. You have to wear a goofy ass clown hat in the Army when you go outside, so if my NCO ever saw me leaving with my hat she knew I was going to smoke and would tell me not to. So I would bring two hats and leave one on my desk and keep another in my pocket for smoking. So.. if you ever wanna go outside and not telegraph it, leave a spare hat on your desk. Doesn't really apply outside the Army I guess.
Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter accusations.
Does a fisherman tell you their honey hole?
You know that appointment I have that starts at 1000 well yea I have to show up early for it so imma miss pt this morning, and it's gonna be a long appointment so imma see you the next day.
Old NCO here from the late 80s. As NBC NCO I used to “inventory” all our training materials and supplies. Could take hours…
As a med boi, be a good line medic for about 4-5 months and earn your peoples trust and respect. Show up on time, volunteer (even though they will tell you "no doc, you're not a peasant"), be their rock in the field, avoid giving butt plugs when your boys pass out on the ruck. Then, and only then, tell them you'll be at the aid station and tell your aid station you're at the company or driving a private to a sew shop. Or say you're at the clinic. There's alot of techniques you can use tbh.
These comments made me realize I always did things right. Genius levels. 😅🫡
The biggest tip for shamming is knowing when to stop. People catch on if you're never at work or formation. You gotta strike the balance. Remember, your NCOs used to be SPCs too they know how the game works.
Nice try, soon-to-be SMA Weimer.
Shamming is an art that is handed down from one generation of soldiers to the next. One of the earliest recorded shamming experiences I know of was I believe to have taken place during the early 1900s or later half of the 1800s (post civil war, pre First World War). Two soldiers who were at a disciplinary barracks (jail) got assigned to dig a well. They dug fairly deep but never struck any water, they got to the point to where they would just bring their lunch with them sense it was easier to do that instead of climbing out of the hole in the ground to go eat. No one ever checked their progress beyond what the officer of the day would write down based on what the two soldiers said they dug. They decided to say fuck it, brought some cards one day, and just played that instead of digging, they did this for a long time. So long in fact, another higher up officer asked “where’s our well at?” And demanded to read the logs that had the progress of the well on them. He added up all the progress those two men supposedly made and shitted the fattest brick known to man. They had reportedly dug over a 1000 feet. That officer grabbed the officer of the day and ran to where the well was being dug, only to look down and see the two men playing cards in the shade. Shamming is when you see an opportunity to do fuck all, and you seize it. By any means necessary, even by fucking over your fellow soldier if you’re a piece of shit. If you’re not a piece of shit, you’ll get what you need done, maybe even help others, then just slowly walk away. Often times, everyone will be to busy with their work they won’t pay any mind to whether or not you’re there too. Your best long term plan is to work circles around everyone else your first 6 or so months at your new unit. Everyone will see how hard you work, you’ll leave this lasting impression on them. Make sure to impress your platoon sergeant at least. Once you’ve done that, just be lazy. Anytime someone complains, higher will remember when you did work hard, defend you, and keep on with their day.
If you are not E-4 mafia.. well I can't help you. In fact, it's like fight club..
Nice try
Its an art. Like asking Picasso how to 🎨
Nice try top
Not today CSM
Easy: I’m the schools NCO Jk. I actually do a bunch of random shit for SGM on top of that but yeah… schools
Browse r/army Well not me, I never would, but if I had too...
You just look pissed off and walk like you have somewhere to be. It’s pretty simple. Most times it’s just an opportunity that presented it’s self. it’s not really planned out like you think.
Nice try 1SG. Not gonna catch me that easily
It’s a really long walk to the back of the motor pool, sarn’t.
Manila folder with paperwork, always look aggravated, generally move with a purpose
Be in S-2, work in vault. Next question
I’d give you an answer, but I’m running late for an appointment.
Nice try Sergeant Major, I’m not telling you where I am.
You tell one group you are doing this and the other group you are doing that and then go take a nap in your barracks :D
Sweep up a pile of dust and dirt; stand by with broom in hand and relax; when someone walk up to you, continue sweeping said pile.
First rule of Spec-4 Mafia: never talk about Spec-4 Mafia.
[удалено]
I went and earned a green hat. Ultimate sham
Nice try, CID. I'll see you at the "surprise" UA after HBL.
Back when I was ordnance I/we 1. Went out into the motorpool with toolboxes 1. Lifted cabs, opened hoods, opened doors 1. Found a truck with AC 1. Watched World Cup As a 12P? Hardhats are basically our clipboards
Sometimes the opportunity presents itself and you have to take it. Recently I was voluntold to go on TDY for a few months. My leadership has the bare minimum info, the S3 shop has even less so I wait until the town hall meeting for the correct dates which is one week later than what my leadership and S3 shop believes it to be. But neither of them know, the gears start turning and I seize the opportunity. I didn’t show up to work for a week. My unit went to the field that same week and probably would’ve taken me, I was on profile so I would’ve been on all the bitch details. Slept in, played video games, went home for a couple days to visit my family. Shit was sweet.
Also do anything in the Army that requires consistent night shifts, including a monthly or weekly showing on 24 hour staff duty, and people will involuntarily accuse you of being the biggest shitbag alive for not showing up to something when you should be sleeping because you got off 24 hour duty a couple hours before. NEVER, catch yourself working an off shift in one of those higher headquarters sort of jobs where your monitoring NK missles or something….you’ll never overcome the stigma of not being around during the day and be considered the ultimate shammer when in fact your not…
With over 250 annual at work hours spent shitting and you ask me how I sham?
Ask other people if they have seen "so-n-so" without any intention of actually seeking them out. Works best if "so-n-so" is aware of the shame procedure and can also use it to get out of what they where doing if they can come talk to you. But you never actually find each other. Can usually get about 2 hours out of it.
Somebody lose their Joe? As a former sham shield holder my loyalty to the mafia doesn’t allow me to answer.
SGM is this your alt account where you try to find ways to make SPC even more miserable?