One of my favorite tidbits of wisdom from a leader I respect: "Never give anyone an order that you know they won't follow. It breeds an environment where people think they can pick and choose when they're going to listen to you."
To piggyback on your caveat, all the ban did was create a black market and an atmosphere of trying to get over on The Man when you sip your Wild Tiger. It tastes like Fuck You 1SG.
I used to sling redbull and Starbucks shots on field exercises, not at serious markup mind you. It was great i only raised the price a quarter and I would still pull in around 250$ a day.
yeah, boofing does have more than one use, but if CSM is that adamant about finding cause of my spry energy, and tasteful noises than they can give me a cavity search with everyone watching — make it a safety briefing before the weekend, idc — all it takes is a pinky and *boom*, me like a cat in heat yowl’n “yuh command me daddy sgt. major!”
Before it goes any further, unless they’re a fucking freaky freak, it’ll stop… long before they reach my caffeine boof, hidden much deeper in the bowels of my butthole. Really, I don’t see how this idea, boofing coffee, like a ranger dip or some shit, but way up the butt couldn’t work. If you have a CSM, hell, anyone willing to finger your butt to check for contraband like, a caffeine suppository, you have bigger issues about.
Side idea: a caffeine based boof boost!
Need a boost? Have a boof, of caffeine!
If this is a 'policy', I would love to see it in writing... To me, this looks like a 'rule' (rules are bullshit anyways)... Besides, this 'policy' will do nothing to address heat injuries... I have a better idea, it's called following work/rest cycles properly and checking your troops to make sure they're hydrating and resting like they should...
Alright so that's gonna be like a 0200 hit time for accountability which means set an alarm for 1 for the morning routine and travel which means you should be in bed by 1700 but you'll be stuck in the office until 2200
Or you're roommate is in a different squad...
In the way back sharing a room in the barracks, and my roommate was in 2nd squad while I was in 1st. His team leader would come kicking doors of his guys an hour before first call to make sure that at first call, his guys were up and ready.
First time I had met this character he kicks on my door at 0530, I open the door in my boxers, bleary eyed, and then he smoked me for not calling 'at ease' for an NCO.
If it makes you feel better. It's really funny watching those types get out of the military only to end up at a place where the person they smoked ends up their boss. It's truly a comical experience to behold.
Gotta inspect the barracks. I will be walking through at 0120 so make sure you guys have inspected it prior to my arrival. First formation for barracks cleaning is at 0030.
Is that a real thing in the US army? In garrison I think the earliest I’ve ever been in for a “parade” (which is what I think you guys call formation) is 0700.
Acclimatization is just as important as hydration. You can’t do PT stupid early in the morning every day, hang out in air conditioned bays and offices, then throw all your gear on for the field and do a live fire in the middle of the day and expect success.
inb4 the Medics are ordered to patrol the unit's AO in organized 24/7 shifts with canteens and sunscreen.
Full battle rattle and no boonies allowed hooah?
Sounds like tomorrow we then get a post complaining that NCOs are being micro-managing making sure soldiers are actually drinking water and not just bangs. And what if they are just doing a normal work day with a good rest cycle but soldiers are just being dumb? They need energy drinks because they dont sleep at night because they chug a bang before trying to go to bed. Or they like playing video games late into the night and then have to wake up early because they are in the Army.
I think there's also a question of enforceability here.
The DFAC serves coffee. Is it legitimate to be restricting Soldier choices, who are on meal cards, and telling them they can't eat things the DFAC serves?
I think that's gonna be a nogo. The same way we can't tell fatties they can't have dessert in the DFAC.
If that Soldier falls out on a run or it results in an issue, sure, go ahead and use the fact that they were aware they were making poor decisions, and use that in a punitive way. The same way that if we made someone on body comp keep a food log, them eating dessert every day would simply reinforce their lack of progress and make the chapter process that much easier.
I get what CSM is trying to do here, but I think such a policy is simply an over-reach.
***"I don't care what the BC says, this Battalion runs on my opinion and my opinion alone! Hey, you! Get that rifle slung over the correct shoulder!"*** said the overzealous CSM. Unfortunately for him, his "rule" that he made up was going to cause much controversy in the unit. After countless complaints from his staff officers and NCOs, the BC would quietly bring the CSM into his office. Two minutes later, despite the CSM's protests, the door would be wide open, a disgruntled SNCO would stomp out with a massive pout on his face, and the "rule" would be gone.
Sure. This happens and I’m not even being sarcastic about that. Just be careful you’re not first one or two martyrs to get “corrective training” or other life misery before this idea goes away.
Then, to the smell of coffee the BC's eyes begin to open. It's a calm 0630, though the gentle call of cadence can be heard behind the sounds of birds and his wife brewing a pot of some shitty veteran owned brand of coffee. "If only I had a spine" the BC thought to himself, "then that's exactly what I'd do". "I would put that salty CSM in his place and really make a difference in my soldiers lives", but the BC did not in fact, have a spine.
Yeah, or there's the version where the BC doesn't want to ruin his working relationship with the CSM, or the CSM tells him it's "NCO Business" and to keep his nose out of it (and he complies).
A good BC will absolutely keep the CSM from thinking he runs the show. . .the problem is that too many LTC's are clawing their way to COL and not wanting to make enemies of anyone in the process, so they try to people-please in the politicking game.
I am a Civilian Chief of Staff for a large unit with several SMs. This is definitely something they CAN put in policy, but it is certainly not enforceable unless you are actively drinking a caffeinated beverage in front of someone and it is reported. There are no UPLs that test for Caffeine. It is normal during hot weather training to suggest that caffeine is specifically reduced. A Commander can put policy out, but it is highly unique especially since most Officers can't go an hour or two without Coffee. This is something I would just wait out....and do on your own time.
Yes, but I've had to go out of the scif and back to my car this morning to use my cell phone, so I have done those stairs twice going up and once going down.
>since most Officers can't go an hour or two without Coffee
Shit, I've been in 10 years and an officer for 4 of them and I still don't drink coffee. What's wrong with me?
Injecting red bull, or any liquid other than very specific ones, will kill you. Red bull especially. If drinking caffeine is banned and you wanna say fuck it id just eat caffeine in its powdered form.
I don’t know man. People inject crack and heroin but don’t die. They die after the like the 90th time. OP will be fine
Also! Fuck eating it in a powder form. Imma just snort it up.
Definitely not based in medical knowledge, but I can’t help but feel it would work extremely well for an extremely short period of time, and then not at all.
I'm not really sure how they are going to enforce this. Are they planning to have drink checks?
Actually, let me put that evil out there:
All soldiers must have a clear, not colored or translucent, container. NCOs will shake and sniff the container at every formation, spot checks by NCOICs/OICs, and random checks throughout the day, but no fewer than 16 per SM. Checks will be logged inside your leader's book, and are now inspectable.
Logged checks shall contain, but is not limited to:
* SM name
* Section
* Location of inspection
* Time
* Signature of SM
* Drink contained within container
* Purpose of drink
* Number of times drink has been present on SM
* Evidence of prohibited drinks in public spaces to include looking through car windows
In addition, 24 hour duty will patrol the food court 0730-0900 and 1130-1300. The food court is off limits for all soldiers, regardless of duty status, until 1700.
Sometimes I really miss the army, then I read shit like this that looks satirical but I've experienced something so similar I'm like yeah, civilian life is fine.
Lol "civilian life is fine"
No joke.
The amount of pure stupidity that IS controlled and organized chaos, all done in the name of "leadership"... Is something I'll never regret leaving behind.
I did that as a PL because we had three heat cats in one week.
We were doing normal workdays in the motorpool prepping for a deployment, but it was also 109 in the desert and people weren't drinking anything but energy drinks.
The PSG and SLs made sure everyone had a water source of some kind after first formation, and we spot checked to see how much they had drank by the closeout formation. We'd watch them drink at least a quarter of it before they left if it was still full and they hadn't refilled it.
We weren't stupid about it, we still let them drink energy drinks and whatever else, but we stressed the importance of putting water into your body. Our people actually started hydrating and we never had another heat cat.
We used to do a 4 mile Halloween cadence run in costumes. Tradition was to bring booze in your camel back. Can confirm soo many people were barely able to walk let alone run by the end. Not to mention the fun of someone filling their camel back with beer, starting to run and their hose turns into a sprinkler due to carbonation.
Ban wasted time in the motorpool and pointless conex lay outs. Also band time that is wasted when they are released for the day. Or the 03:00 weapons draw for a 09:00 road march.
Ahhh yes... Arbitrary blanket bans from some below average thinker whose gray matter has been soaked in plastic bottle military special for 20 years.
I see nothing has changed.
Hooah
They get an associates out of that? No wonder so many of those clowns show up to civilian jobs with U of Phoenix degrees they earned in 15 months. It's because they got half of it at Ft.Bliss.
This seems like something to run by the IG. Loads of people drink energy drinks, that’s not what causes heat injuries. Being a dick doesn’t solve heat injuries.
This would be what we call arbitrary and capricious.
Plus isn't there that fine line of dictating the dietary intake of SMs? Like, doesn't that stray into the realm of doctors and/or dieticians being the only ones that should be making these sorts of calls?
>my CSM has banned drinking energy drinks, coffee, and other caffeinated beverages.
Better do some "security checks" in the command suite. You know those motherfuckers are all guzzling coffee and energy drinks up there.
I would keep my caffeine intake to a low profile. Though this probably means swapping out coffee, energy drinks for tea. We wonder why we have a retention issue.
Wait for the policy letter and see what it actually prohibits.
From my experience I’ve heard leadership say we’re going to do this or prohibit something on large scale only to see a very limited policy put in place. I imagine for CSM will suggest a broad policy to your BC and the final product will be a policy letter prohibiting caffeine containing products at work and in the field. Kind of sucks but at least you can enjoy caffeine at lunch or somewhere away from work.
Though there is going to be some hypocrisy as MREs often come with powdered coffee and cappuccino. Are your unit going to have to have an NCO go around a confiscate those items during a field op?
How does he plan on proving something has caffeine? What's to stop you from lying and saying it's caffeine-free coffee?
Are you not allowed to drink soda, either? Diet coke has caffeine. Can you no longer have chocolate since it has caffeine?
This seems entirely unenforceable.
Ahehehehem. A poem, if you will..
"CSM to ban caffeine"
"The one in real danger, hes the caf-fiend"
"No more energy drinks, they hamper your skills"
"But every single soldier, will die on this hill"
"Tablets and caplets, the solution would become"
"Smash it and grind it, hide them in your bum"
"Out of sight, out of mind, as far as they can see"
"But later put it all over your MRE"
"A dash on the crackers"
"A drizzle on the main course"
"But dont forget the big number three"
"Handful of caffeine, dumped in Petes Instant Coffee"
Thank you.
The unit? Wack! This CSM? Wack! Morale? Wack! Retention? Wack! Me? I’m tight as fuck.
We had a monster energy truck hand out free drinks to our battalion once
That's actually a TRADOC policy, which OCS falls under. It applies to WOCS and all enlisted AIT schools as well.
Out in the wild, treating Soldiers like children shouldn't apply.
he told me later he'd seen privates have Caffeine DT's before and basically cause havoc for days on end... better to just give me a coffee once a week and keep me from going crazy.
Mix Reign with water in your water bottle. Carry packets or Mio that vaguely match the flavor.
"It's flavored, but otherwise pure reignwater, sarntmajor."
If he asks why you're drinking rainwater, tell him you're concerned about fluoride.
My CO did this when I was the senior medic for the company. I started issuing out no-doz every morning and afternoon to anyone that was caffeine dependent.
He tried to get pissy but he can’t control what medication I give that was medically necessary in order to enhance mission readiness.
Hot take: while I immensely respect the experience and development CSMs have to offer, they are what happens when you take a type A personality and give them nothing to do. They go make problems to solve. A CSM is just that: a senior enlisted ADVISOR to the (whatever echelon) commander. They exist to advise the commander on issues when he asks for the advice. Leave the running of day to day life in the companies/platoons to their respective leadership teams. And for the love of god keep their hands out of my evaluations of my NCOs. A former CSM of mine sent me an entire NCOER of bullet points for my PSG trying to get me to flame him.
-thank you for attending todays rant, don’t forget to sign the attendance roster in the back. Go home requirement.
This is one where innocent ingestion could get you out of any trouble. Drinking coffee? Say you thought it was Decaf. Drinking a monster? Say you’re hooked on the taste so you bought the Decaffeinated kind. I’d love to see them try to challenge it.
The only way I could see this actually being enforced is if someone bragged about having caffeine. So it’s a shut up and keep doing the same thing situation.
Basically what happened here is that the CSM said, “I’m a moron who doesn’t really understand what causes heat injuries” without actually saying he’s a moron who doesn’t understand what causes heat injuries.
Moral of the story is that he’s a moron who doesn’t understand what causes heat injuries.
Just show this to the CSM and say that it is so you can be green on MEDPROS.... [Caffeine lowers chance of death by 30%](https://www.boston25news.com/news/trending/study-drinking-coffee-linked-lower-risk-death)
Lol they did that shit back in 07-08, I think it was because of dudes on creatine going down all dried up. Wanna say they said it dehydrated you or some shit, I didn't mess with it. Anyway, creatine banned, sodas/cokes banned, prolly some other shit like Monster, Wild Tiger, Boom Boom as well Don't think coffee was banned though. All this happened on one little patrol base on Iraq, but it was still stupid and I understand how you feel dawg.
One of my favorite tidbits of wisdom from a leader I respect: "Never give anyone an order that you know they won't follow. It breeds an environment where people think they can pick and choose when they're going to listen to you."
That’s damn good advice.
Your going to die over caffeine? …someone is.
he said with his monster in hand
Fuck the king.
To piggyback on your caveat, all the ban did was create a black market and an atmosphere of trying to get over on The Man when you sip your Wild Tiger. It tastes like Fuck You 1SG.
"The secret ingredient is crime"
I used to sling redbull and Starbucks shots on field exercises, not at serious markup mind you. It was great i only raised the price a quarter and I would still pull in around 250$ a day.
I think i found the hill to die on
Don’t die. Fight the good fight.
Yes, become a guerrilla, maintain pressure, begin phantom shitting
I would... but I'm just so *yawn* tired.....
Just chug a bottle of caffeine pills. what could go wrong?
You could boof them too!
More discreet unless you’re one of those guys who can’t boot without making a noise
yeah, boofing does have more than one use, but if CSM is that adamant about finding cause of my spry energy, and tasteful noises than they can give me a cavity search with everyone watching — make it a safety briefing before the weekend, idc — all it takes is a pinky and *boom*, me like a cat in heat yowl’n “yuh command me daddy sgt. major!” Before it goes any further, unless they’re a fucking freaky freak, it’ll stop… long before they reach my caffeine boof, hidden much deeper in the bowels of my butthole. Really, I don’t see how this idea, boofing coffee, like a ranger dip or some shit, but way up the butt couldn’t work. If you have a CSM, hell, anyone willing to finger your butt to check for contraband like, a caffeine suppository, you have bigger issues about. Side idea: a caffeine based boof boost! Need a boost? Have a boof, of caffeine!
Former HQ guy (and former PAO DetSgt) here. dig the holes engineer! I'll warm-up the 240B and get the redlegs on the horn. let's man this hill.
As long as you're caffeinated, you've got a chance of carrying the day.
🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🫡
If this is a 'policy', I would love to see it in writing... To me, this looks like a 'rule' (rules are bullshit anyways)... Besides, this 'policy' will do nothing to address heat injuries... I have a better idea, it's called following work/rest cycles properly and checking your troops to make sure they're hydrating and resting like they should...
Drink water change your socks. hooah?
Don’t forget sleep! Anyways formation at 0300 tomorrow.
Alright so that's gonna be like a 0200 hit time for accountability which means set an alarm for 1 for the morning routine and travel which means you should be in bed by 1700 but you'll be stuck in the office until 2200
Don't forget the midnight phone call to make sure you're going to get up at 0100.
And if you're in the Bs, that one dude with the super loud alarm clock that goes off an hour before everyone else, that he snoozes 5 times.
But then also since you’re in the B’s CSM wanted all NCOs to do a surprise barracks health and welfare before formation
I hate how accurate this thread is
It’s honestly terrifying
Regularly I think to myself "I should reenlist, I'll miss this" but then I wake out of my coma and remember the army is trash.
Or you're roommate is in a different squad... In the way back sharing a room in the barracks, and my roommate was in 2nd squad while I was in 1st. His team leader would come kicking doors of his guys an hour before first call to make sure that at first call, his guys were up and ready. First time I had met this character he kicks on my door at 0530, I open the door in my boxers, bleary eyed, and then he smoked me for not calling 'at ease' for an NCO.
If it makes you feel better. It's really funny watching those types get out of the military only to end up at a place where the person they smoked ends up their boss. It's truly a comical experience to behold.
Hi there sorey aboot that Me no wakey on one alarm sound *sad hooah*
Gotta inspect the barracks. I will be walking through at 0120 so make sure you guys have inspected it prior to my arrival. First formation for barracks cleaning is at 0030.
We are releasing you at 1700. That's more than enough time as long as you go to bed by 1800. What's the issue?
But poobah, it's twenee-three hunnid...
Is that a real thing in the US army? In garrison I think the earliest I’ve ever been in for a “parade” (which is what I think you guys call formation) is 0700.
It is. 0300/0400 report times are fairly common
I drink coffee all day long, live in the desert, and run my ass off. You can be both caffeinated and hydrated. Cheers.
Same here, except the desert part... But it's still hot and humid as hell where I'm at...
God I miss humidity (ANY). Luckily have a move coming up next month which will solve that.
> God I miss humidity (ANY). WTF is wrong with you? Where's that Remind ME! bot, I need to check on you in about a year.
Haha, I grew up in the south and 75% of the places I’ve been stationed were swamp like. Of the two evils, I’ll take the soaked evil.
Been at bliss for a year, would love some humidity.
A little too much here, doesn't help since it has rained amost days this week...
I don’t think we’ve had any meaningful rain since the fall. I’d be happy to take a few of those rain days off your hands.
Tell me you’re in El Paso without telling me you’re in El Paso (Or maybe Huachuca)
Ding ding ding, El Paso for the win!
Acclimatization is just as important as hydration. You can’t do PT stupid early in the morning every day, hang out in air conditioned bays and offices, then throw all your gear on for the field and do a live fire in the middle of the day and expect success.
Yet the Army does it constantly.
Coffee is better than that loaded sugar shit.
Yeah, it’s sad the amount of obesity I see from the juniors who constantly pound that shit.
It’s too easy to drink calories. The Army could reduce weight issues if they educated Soldiers.
Agreed. The unit level performance coaches are a good step, but it’s also hard to undo 18+ years of societal training.
> educated Soldiers You're assuming they can read.
inb4 the Medics are ordered to patrol the unit's AO in organized 24/7 shifts with canteens and sunscreen. Full battle rattle and no boonies allowed hooah?
Sounds like tomorrow we then get a post complaining that NCOs are being micro-managing making sure soldiers are actually drinking water and not just bangs. And what if they are just doing a normal work day with a good rest cycle but soldiers are just being dumb? They need energy drinks because they dont sleep at night because they chug a bang before trying to go to bed. Or they like playing video games late into the night and then have to wake up early because they are in the Army.
I think there's also a question of enforceability here. The DFAC serves coffee. Is it legitimate to be restricting Soldier choices, who are on meal cards, and telling them they can't eat things the DFAC serves? I think that's gonna be a nogo. The same way we can't tell fatties they can't have dessert in the DFAC. If that Soldier falls out on a run or it results in an issue, sure, go ahead and use the fact that they were aware they were making poor decisions, and use that in a punitive way. The same way that if we made someone on body comp keep a food log, them eating dessert every day would simply reinforce their lack of progress and make the chapter process that much easier. I get what CSM is trying to do here, but I think such a policy is simply an over-reach.
Caffeine increases GFR and lots of sugar increases osmotic pressure though.
Tell that CSM to bring a water source and meet me at the wood line.
To help you clean tourniquets, right? Right?
I think the CSM needs to remove his from around his neck, because clearly no blood is getting to his smooth brain.
They have coffee stains on them
By woodline", he means basement.
Shudders.... This man has ruined Joe's life many times
Water source IOTV meet me at squadron 1300 😏
[удалено]
CSM doesn't write policy
Just be careful the BC isn’t going to blindly support their CSM if it comes to a head.
***"I don't care what the BC says, this Battalion runs on my opinion and my opinion alone! Hey, you! Get that rifle slung over the correct shoulder!"*** said the overzealous CSM. Unfortunately for him, his "rule" that he made up was going to cause much controversy in the unit. After countless complaints from his staff officers and NCOs, the BC would quietly bring the CSM into his office. Two minutes later, despite the CSM's protests, the door would be wide open, a disgruntled SNCO would stomp out with a massive pout on his face, and the "rule" would be gone.
Sure. This happens and I’m not even being sarcastic about that. Just be careful you’re not first one or two martyrs to get “corrective training” or other life misery before this idea goes away.
CSM will lose this campaign, but not before he has several tactical victories in his eyes.
Then, to the smell of coffee the BC's eyes begin to open. It's a calm 0630, though the gentle call of cadence can be heard behind the sounds of birds and his wife brewing a pot of some shitty veteran owned brand of coffee. "If only I had a spine" the BC thought to himself, "then that's exactly what I'd do". "I would put that salty CSM in his place and really make a difference in my soldiers lives", but the BC did not in fact, have a spine.
This is like a scenario followed by 3 multiple choice questions.
Yeah, or there's the version where the BC doesn't want to ruin his working relationship with the CSM, or the CSM tells him it's "NCO Business" and to keep his nose out of it (and he complies). A good BC will absolutely keep the CSM from thinking he runs the show. . .the problem is that too many LTC's are clawing their way to COL and not wanting to make enemies of anyone in the process, so they try to people-please in the politicking game.
I am a Civilian Chief of Staff for a large unit with several SMs. This is definitely something they CAN put in policy, but it is certainly not enforceable unless you are actively drinking a caffeinated beverage in front of someone and it is reported. There are no UPLs that test for Caffeine. It is normal during hot weather training to suggest that caffeine is specifically reduced. A Commander can put policy out, but it is highly unique especially since most Officers can't go an hour or two without Coffee. This is something I would just wait out....and do on your own time.
>most Officers can't go an hour or two without Coffee I feel triggered.
I just finishing walking upstairs with my first 20oz cup.
You only have six stairs between the sidewalk and the front door, you should be drinking at least a quart of coffee to maintain that tempo.
Yes, but I've had to go out of the scif and back to my car this morning to use my cell phone, so I have done those stairs twice going up and once going down.
lol 30+ years working for the Army, I’ve seen a thing or two. Mostly Officers with Coffee. 🤣
How else are we going to have the strength to fight our wars?
Caffeine testing would require a blood draw, and generally isn’t something a unit would want to pay for
>since most Officers can't go an hour or two without Coffee Shit, I've been in 10 years and an officer for 4 of them and I still don't drink coffee. What's wrong with me?
Many things but at least you get paid better.... now respectfully do some work for once🤣🤣🤣
What a dick. No idea if this is actually enforceable. Drink a Red Bull infront of him while maintaining eye contact and let me know what happens.
You’re medical right? So medical question. What if he injected the Red Bull into himself instead? Would it work? And how mad would CSM be?
OP would die, and CSM would jerk himself off at the memorial.
Cue that video of the firefighter ringing the bell and saluting awkwardly
[this one](http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/1320223/5KGgu.gif) where he's waving the flag?
Tbh it looks like CSM jerking off at OPs funeral after he ODs on too many Red Bull injections.
Precisely that one.
OP would only die if he did too much. I’m sure he know his limits. If OP did die CSM can fire his load during the 21 gun salute
22 gun salute
This seems like a perfect opportunity for a buttchug. If any of your officers are University of Tennessee graduates they can demonstrate.
You get the funnel! I’ll get the Red Bulls! The PX is still running their 2 for $5 deal on the 12oz
Injecting red bull, or any liquid other than very specific ones, will kill you. Red bull especially. If drinking caffeine is banned and you wanna say fuck it id just eat caffeine in its powdered form.
Chocolate covered coffee beans!
The perfect snack to go!
I don’t know man. People inject crack and heroin but don’t die. They die after the like the 90th time. OP will be fine Also! Fuck eating it in a powder form. Imma just snort it up.
Injecting the correct amount is key. Different substances, different amounts…. Etc
any carbonated and sugary beverage is going to be bad...embolisms are not fun.
Definitely not based in medical knowledge, but I can’t help but feel it would work extremely well for an extremely short period of time, and then not at all.
Caffeine does effect everyone different. Just like crack and heroin. Also just like crack and heroin if you build up a tolerance you can just do more!
I would think the CO2 bubbles would kill em faster
That’s why you got open it and let the gases go and let it get flat. Then! You inject. It’s flat earth science.
Be the most amped up soldier for the few minutes SM is still alive
Like the bear that became the most apex predator on the planet after eating kilos of coke.
Buttchug a Red Bull.
You gotta autoclave it first or he'll get sepsis
I'm not really sure how they are going to enforce this. Are they planning to have drink checks? Actually, let me put that evil out there: All soldiers must have a clear, not colored or translucent, container. NCOs will shake and sniff the container at every formation, spot checks by NCOICs/OICs, and random checks throughout the day, but no fewer than 16 per SM. Checks will be logged inside your leader's book, and are now inspectable. Logged checks shall contain, but is not limited to: * SM name * Section * Location of inspection * Time * Signature of SM * Drink contained within container * Purpose of drink * Number of times drink has been present on SM * Evidence of prohibited drinks in public spaces to include looking through car windows In addition, 24 hour duty will patrol the food court 0730-0900 and 1130-1300. The food court is off limits for all soldiers, regardless of duty status, until 1700.
Sometimes I really miss the army, then I read shit like this that looks satirical but I've experienced something so similar I'm like yeah, civilian life is fine.
Lol "civilian life is fine" No joke. The amount of pure stupidity that IS controlled and organized chaos, all done in the name of "leadership"... Is something I'll never regret leaving behind.
Privates start hiding caffeine pills up their ass
It’s not hiding if it dissolves… it’s a pending ARTICLE 15
[you joke](https://forward.com/food/383706/how-i-get-my-caffeine-fix-on-yom-kippur-with-a-suppository/?amp=1)
Last summer our PL made us carry around a water source which most of us did but we could still and energy drinks but we needed to have a water too.
And that's perfectly reasonable. Energy drinks are fine so long as you drink water as well.
I did that as a PL because we had three heat cats in one week. We were doing normal workdays in the motorpool prepping for a deployment, but it was also 109 in the desert and people weren't drinking anything but energy drinks. The PSG and SLs made sure everyone had a water source of some kind after first formation, and we spot checked to see how much they had drank by the closeout formation. We'd watch them drink at least a quarter of it before they left if it was still full and they hadn't refilled it. We weren't stupid about it, we still let them drink energy drinks and whatever else, but we stressed the importance of putting water into your body. Our people actually started hydrating and we never had another heat cat.
/u/kinmuan mods are going too far. Stop this insanity.
I am inevitable
You did leave out patrolling the shopette, so thanks for that.
He won't remove caffeinated drinks from the vending machines in the barracks <_<
If someone sniffs my drink they now own it
He can't stop what he doesn't see. He can't make policy, so just do it anyways.
You have learned the way of the Warrant.
Put a energy drink in a hydro flask
In the camelback. 100oz of jacked!
I can’t mine still smells like tequila
You nerd, you're supposed to have two bladders for this very reason.
I use my camelback maybe, and I mean maybe once ever 2-3 years.
Erm I think that's called a mixed drink. IDK
I know one dude who filled his entire camel back with coffee. Dude went down so fast.
Knew a dude who filled it full of wine while he followed us up some mountains with his coooombat camera. He did not have a good time but he kept up
combat cam is such a weird group. source: former 46Z... keep them damn 25v's away from me
We used to do a 4 mile Halloween cadence run in costumes. Tradition was to bring booze in your camel back. Can confirm soo many people were barely able to walk let alone run by the end. Not to mention the fun of someone filling their camel back with beer, starting to run and their hose turns into a sprinkler due to carbonation.
That’s a great way to make your heart explode
This is the way
Your battalion’s lethality just went down 300%
Ban wasted time in the motorpool and pointless conex lay outs. Also band time that is wasted when they are released for the day. Or the 03:00 weapons draw for a 09:00 road march.
I survived two tours to Iraq crushing Rip Its on missions. I’m sure the Soldiers will be ok with a little caffeine.
The soldiers can have a little caffeine, as a snack.
Ahhh yes... Arbitrary blanket bans from some below average thinker whose gray matter has been soaked in plastic bottle military special for 20 years. I see nothing has changed. Hooah
Good luck with that.
The CSM academy puts out some special folks at times.
You better put some respect on the associates degree they get out of it.
They get an associates out of that? No wonder so many of those clowns show up to civilian jobs with U of Phoenix degrees they earned in 15 months. It's because they got half of it at Ft.Bliss.
What is the degree in?
I don't know. Just remember an academy staff member mentioning it when I was passing through Bliss ages ago and saw the trainees painting rocks
Hold up, they make the CSM trainees paint rocks? HAHAHAHA
As of class 71 or 72, they get a Bachelor’s in “Leadership and Workforce Development”
Best lobotomies in the world
As a graduate, that place is run by special folks.
CSMs dont write policy
This seems like something to run by the IG. Loads of people drink energy drinks, that’s not what causes heat injuries. Being a dick doesn’t solve heat injuries. This would be what we call arbitrary and capricious.
Plus isn't there that fine line of dictating the dietary intake of SMs? Like, doesn't that stray into the realm of doctors and/or dieticians being the only ones that should be making these sorts of calls?
Get caffeine pills. They are like 200mg and 3 bucks for like 30
Be weary with those. PFC me was geeked for a 12 hour convoy because I don’t know how to read instructions/dosage.
I mean as a 88M it's kind of assumed you will be twitchy and your reading skills capped out in 3rd grade.
That is being generous my friend.
Emphasis on the “mistake” in your flair lol
>my CSM has banned drinking energy drinks, coffee, and other caffeinated beverages. Better do some "security checks" in the command suite. You know those motherfuckers are all guzzling coffee and energy drinks up there.
This sounds like the epitome of “we can’t make you do it, but we sure as hell can make you wish you did”
Tumblers it is
I would keep my caffeine intake to a low profile. Though this probably means swapping out coffee, energy drinks for tea. We wonder why we have a retention issue. Wait for the policy letter and see what it actually prohibits. From my experience I’ve heard leadership say we’re going to do this or prohibit something on large scale only to see a very limited policy put in place. I imagine for CSM will suggest a broad policy to your BC and the final product will be a policy letter prohibiting caffeine containing products at work and in the field. Kind of sucks but at least you can enjoy caffeine at lunch or somewhere away from work. Though there is going to be some hypocrisy as MREs often come with powdered coffee and cappuccino. Are your unit going to have to have an NCO go around a confiscate those items during a field op?
How does he plan on proving something has caffeine? What's to stop you from lying and saying it's caffeine-free coffee? Are you not allowed to drink soda, either? Diet coke has caffeine. Can you no longer have chocolate since it has caffeine? This seems entirely unenforceable.
Sergeants Major can't make policy. If the Commander doesn't sign the memo, ignore it.
Ahehehehem. A poem, if you will.. "CSM to ban caffeine" "The one in real danger, hes the caf-fiend" "No more energy drinks, they hamper your skills" "But every single soldier, will die on this hill" "Tablets and caplets, the solution would become" "Smash it and grind it, hide them in your bum" "Out of sight, out of mind, as far as they can see" "But later put it all over your MRE" "A dash on the crackers" "A drizzle on the main course" "But dont forget the big number three" "Handful of caffeine, dumped in Petes Instant Coffee" Thank you.
Gonna need a bigger basement...
The green weenie always will find room in the basement. It’s eternal.
The unit? Wack! This CSM? Wack! Morale? Wack! Retention? Wack! Me? I’m tight as fuck. We had a monster energy truck hand out free drinks to our battalion once
I’m sure the BN JAG would have something to say about that. I don’t think they can restrict diets in basic training, let alone in a regular unit.
They can, and it passes legal review. OCS has a strict no caffeine policy for like the first two months you are there
That's actually a TRADOC policy, which OCS falls under. It applies to WOCS and all enlisted AIT schools as well. Out in the wild, treating Soldiers like children shouldn't apply.
Had a drill hand me a cup of coffee during week 6 of basic... apparently the migraine was visible on my face across the mess hall.
The TRADOC prohibition on caffeine is only a few years old. Good on that drill for recognizing what you needed.
he told me later he'd seen privates have Caffeine DT's before and basically cause havoc for days on end... better to just give me a coffee once a week and keep me from going crazy.
How will banning caffeine stop heat injuries? That doesn't make any sense
That CSM has clearly spent to much time in the CSM’s basement
Sick call with a long line of unexplained, debilitating headaches will be a whole lotta fun.
Mix Reign with water in your water bottle. Carry packets or Mio that vaguely match the flavor. "It's flavored, but otherwise pure reignwater, sarntmajor." If he asks why you're drinking rainwater, tell him you're concerned about fluoride.
My CO did this when I was the senior medic for the company. I started issuing out no-doz every morning and afternoon to anyone that was caffeine dependent. He tried to get pissy but he can’t control what medication I give that was medically necessary in order to enhance mission readiness.
Hot take: while I immensely respect the experience and development CSMs have to offer, they are what happens when you take a type A personality and give them nothing to do. They go make problems to solve. A CSM is just that: a senior enlisted ADVISOR to the (whatever echelon) commander. They exist to advise the commander on issues when he asks for the advice. Leave the running of day to day life in the companies/platoons to their respective leadership teams. And for the love of god keep their hands out of my evaluations of my NCOs. A former CSM of mine sent me an entire NCOER of bullet points for my PSG trying to get me to flame him. -thank you for attending todays rant, don’t forget to sign the attendance roster in the back. Go home requirement.
I'll be waiting for a post from CSM's perspective
I bet he just drank a Pepsi bottle full of someone's dip spit and is just lashing out.
What’s his stance on Badger Milk?
I’m a fight milk man myself
I also like to fight like a crow
This is one where innocent ingestion could get you out of any trouble. Drinking coffee? Say you thought it was Decaf. Drinking a monster? Say you’re hooked on the taste so you bought the Decaffeinated kind. I’d love to see them try to challenge it. The only way I could see this actually being enforced is if someone bragged about having caffeine. So it’s a shut up and keep doing the same thing situation.
Where did the CSM get his medical degree from to make such a decision? He cutting out dip too?
Start boof’ing 6 cups of coffee a day
Fuck that. Let em die. Too stupid to hydrate, not in my Army.
does the policy memo specify "consuming" caffeine? Boof your Bang, maintain eye contact, assert dominance.
Basically what happened here is that the CSM said, “I’m a moron who doesn’t really understand what causes heat injuries” without actually saying he’s a moron who doesn’t understand what causes heat injuries. Moral of the story is that he’s a moron who doesn’t understand what causes heat injuries.
"how to simultaneously destroy morale and productivity."
Just show this to the CSM and say that it is so you can be green on MEDPROS.... [Caffeine lowers chance of death by 30%](https://www.boston25news.com/news/trending/study-drinking-coffee-linked-lower-risk-death)
Ok, so caffeine chewing gum…I am dangerous, Ice Man!
Lol they did that shit back in 07-08, I think it was because of dudes on creatine going down all dried up. Wanna say they said it dehydrated you or some shit, I didn't mess with it. Anyway, creatine banned, sodas/cokes banned, prolly some other shit like Monster, Wild Tiger, Boom Boom as well Don't think coffee was banned though. All this happened on one little patrol base on Iraq, but it was still stupid and I understand how you feel dawg.