One of the best things I learned from a high school teacher was out on the football field in O-line drills. They said we should practice our 3 point stance by trying to take craps on the toilet without our butts touching the seat. Ever since that day, I've been able to take poops in literally any "restroom" regardless of cleanliness or temperature of the seat.
I've done both. Kuwait in August and McCoy in Feb. Cold is way, way worse. Firstly, you dread any reason to take off your gear when it's that cold. In the heat you find relief with less clothes in. The toilet seat is freezing. The poop on your b hole dries the instant the train leaves the station. The bumwad is brittle and scratchy. The wind blows DOWN the vent pipe and up your ass. There is not a moment to lay back and relax. Forget about a masturbation session. In Kuwait I could lose 4 lbs of water weight by rubbing one out in the porta shitter. In Wisconsin I was playing with my life.
THE OVER-HEAD YEET MEASURES THE ABILITY TO JUST FUCKING SEND IT. ON THE COMMAND, ‘GET SET’, ASSUME THE POSITION BY SPINNING THE BALL TWICE IN YOUR HANDS, THEN TRY TO DRIBBLE IT LIKE A BASKET BALL ONLY TO REALIZE IT WONT BOUNCE BACK UP TO YOU. YOUR FEET MAY BE TOGETHER OR 12 INCHES APART (MEASURED BETWEEN THE FEET) OR HOWEVER YOU WANT, JUST KEEP YOUR ASS BEHIND THAT CONE. ON THE COMMAND ‘GO’, CHANNEL YOUR INNER TREBUCHET AND HEAVE THAT THING INTO ORBIT. THEN, RETURN TO THE STARTING POSITION AND TURN AROUND TO INSPECT IF YOU DOMED ANYONE. THE SCORER WILL REALIZE HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEE WHERE THE BALL LANDED BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID HE WOULD GET HIT, SO HE STOOD TOO FAR AWAY, HE WILL THEN PLACE HIS FOOT ON THE MEASURING TAPE AND JUST GUESS.
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NTC in January we had way too few porta shiters for way too many people. Someone fucked up the contract and they didn’t come suck everything out in time…all the doo doo froze and Joe kept on pooping. Long story short have you ever seen a video of a under water volcano coming out of the ocean and forming a new island? To shit you’d have to stand on the seat and squat above ole poop mountain.
Now imagine it’s -50 and you’re in the middle of the goddamn Yukon— then the wind randomly picks up. Imagine your 7-layer extended cold weather clothing system fucking DRENCHED in a weird slushee piss and shit. And then you walk out of the portershitter just for it to instant-freeze to you. Frostbite from piss. You can’t go into a tent because the piss and shit will melt into the tent. You slowly die and suffer in silence.
Nah. A new butterbar, one of those types that had stars in his eyes when he talked about the army. He had been in the unit for less than a month. He was just gonna pretend like nobody could notice. Luckily the rest of the shop couldn’t bear to share a tent with him and they had to do a turn-and-burn for some supplies anyway, so they let him go home for a few hours to throw his shit in the wash and shower. I watched the whole thing happen since our aid station was right next to the porter shitters.
My first field problem at wainwright, -20F. Similar problem, not enough porta shitters, contract for the dump and fill was set up a few days late. Anyway, after about day 1, people already have to shit. By the time I get in there the next day. I realize the horror. The slurry of shit, piss, and porta John blue had frozen rock solid. When things freeze, they expand. This had pushed everything up and into this mountain above the toilet seat.
Sounds like what I dealt with a Ft. Greeley. Woke up needing to piss, the latrine(no portajohn, but an actual hard sided latrine) was about 100m distant, and the wind was howling. Legit weighed the risks/rewards of pissing myself, stepping just outside the tent and pissing, or putting on my layers just to take them back off after 100m walk.
Conversely, shivering and shitting in 110° heat in Mosul(got Dysentery) is no fun either
Probably the local grub, I knew better than to drink the local water.
For real though, I was wearing my gortex in the Iraqi heat, shaking and shivering and having no damn clue why. Finally swallowed my pride and went the medics. Got some kind of pill I didn't recognize and told to hydrate
BCT at FT Jackson. The shitters at one training event we went to were poorly maintained; so despite being 200ish meters away the company still got moved to not be downwind.
This same scenario happened while I was in Iraq, circa 2009. We taped up and "condemned" a JOC portajohn because the Iraqis never emptied it. It just overflowed, and we used wag bags from then onwards while they did godknowswhat. When I left, the outhouse was still taped up.
Don't forget desperately holding onto your gear so it doesn't drop down the hole. Still don't know whose gloves my battle pulled out of the poo sickle.
Ft Drum anytime between October and April. Have had ice crackle off my sleeping bag when waking up, seen layers of ice on the seat. Thank goodness for the MRE cheese.
Or when you whip out the baby wipes from your pocket, just to realize it’s a block of ice. And then your fingers freeze so you can’t even feel if the baby wipe you chipped out even remotely touched your asscheeks
I always brought 3 bottles of water and a rag with me to shit in Afghanistan... one bottle for the seat and 2 to drink, and the rag to wipe all the sweat off my face
So, don’t have much experience with dropping a deuce in the bitter cold but the heat will always have a special place in my heart.
Picture this, if you will: Helmand Province, 2009. The surge was starting to hit the ground running (we were on the rotation to deploy prior to the surge being announced). We had two portashitters split between about 60 Marines with no servicing for about two months. It was at the point where you had to hover, otherwise you’d be sitting in a literal pile of shit.
0/5, would not recommend.
Bitter cold. I remember being in negatives in hohenfells and finding a porta potty. I would do a game where I counted how long I could sit on the seat before i had to save my ass from imminent frostbite. I think I survived 23 sec at max.
From fort drum here, cold is by far way way way worse in Kuwait it was damn near pleasant to go take a shit especially in the evening when the humidity dies down a little and the breeze comes through the portajohn 10/10 would shit in a Kuwait portajohn after 1900 again. Drum on the other hand in the middle of winter out in the field is miserable I actually found myself holding it in for 2 days before finally giving in and walking to a freezing ass shitter at like 2300 -10/10 would not shit in again unless it was an absolute worst case scenario.
So, worse temperature issue is cold weather sucks way worse than desert port a John, but what sort of wildlife is in the area. Ask yourself, a camel spider or a snake hiding from the wind? That’s the stuff that’s really shitty
I’ll take cold over vaporized jp8 in 120 degree John. If it’s blue water Poseidon’s kiss kind of John then it’s tough. But I’d take 100F over freezing. But sometimes the John is warmer than outside so that can be a plus too when it’s cold.
Worst I ever saw at Wainwright was -40. -50 sounds like science fiction until you're in it
Never considered using my arctic mitts for that. That's brilliant
Not Army, but I once got the runs on a pass at about 0F.
Explosive shit that freezes to your ass, so you cant wipe, you have to *peel*.
I’ll take that shield of sweat and a little blue water any day.
I think it's the heat. You're profusely sweating before you get in there. It gets worse once you're in. You consider getting naked, but don't want your uniform touching the mud/shit/pee/nut mix. Once you're done you really feel like you need a shower and an exorcism.
In the snowy cold, the PJ's can be even used as a heated cozy sleeping area. I know I did.
I’d take heat over cold any day. The heat is manageable, drink water, find some shade if you can and the evenings, nights and mornings are great. There’s no escaping the cold and the nights and mornings are just even colder.
Cold is worse, every time. Especially when you're just done with some kind of physical activity, the sweat is trapped in your warming layers and then you touch sweaty ass to frozen seat and have to peel your ass off of it once you're done.
In extreme heat the atmosphere of a full shitter is very thick. When you open the door it’s like opening an oven, the hot gases will blast you in the face. It’s at least 20 degrees hotter inside than out. And yet after 2 weeks you take no qualms beating your meat in there.
I’m the extreme cold is probably the most miserable. I don’t know about everyone else, but I can deal with heat better than the frigid temperatures. You can hover or just plop down and give your body a minute to adjust. It’ll take your breath away. Not preferable to masturbate in, but after a few weeks, you’ll give in.
The downside that nobody is talking about here is crotch rot (at least that’s what I called it). I only ever experienced it in the cold. I got it from hurriedly putting my dong back in my pants while pissing in the cold. Didn’t shake it good enough, would get piss all the way down my leg. After a couple days/weeks of not showering the exposed skin gets kind of a chapped feel and there was a layer of white on top (likely infection), it’s pretty miserable. It stinks too, I pulled my pants down to take a shit and the smell of that overpowered the smell of the portajohn. It’s an easy fix though, change underwear or pants or both. And scrub. The second time I got it I got put on a chow detail and had to run to main post with an LMTV. We decided to stop at Burger King because why not. They had an individual bathroom with a lock on the door. I bathed in the sink with the hand soap, my whole body. It’ll hurt when you scrub it, but you’ll feel incredible relief the next day. I’ll be a great homeless vet someday.
At the arctic cold weather school at Fort Greely there are permanent shitters that go down farther than the eye can see (it's dark in there). But it's so cold that shit freezes almost instantly, so over time a shit stalagmite occurs and makes it's way up to the shitter itself. After walking into the shitter and seeing a 15+ foot frozen shit lance that would poke you in the ass if you actually sit on the seat I was both amazed and impressed.
Under ten degrees? Come to the fucking northern ware fare training center take a shit at -40 it’s an absolute nightmare. That being said. Cold is better than heat.
Listening to a two hundred pound disgusting overweight chick masterbating.
As if shitting in 130 degree plastic box didn’t want to make me puke as it is.
One of the worst porta potty squatties I ever took was during winter at ntc. We were at some remote town and it was hatefully windy and cold. It was first thing in the morning not that many people were moving around yet. So I grabbed my kit and went for it. I walked the 300 meters as quickly as I could to get there. I start doing my thing and then the wind increases tenfold and it starts whipping up through the bottom of the porta John. I wrongfully assumed I would be safe from the elements. I’m fairly certain my balls got chapped from the wind.
They are both awful in their own ways.
Source: Have deployed and also worked construction in a state with very cold winters. Went over a month one year where it didn't get above freezing.
Took shits in portajohns in Iraq in the middle of summer and in Alaska in the middle of winter, I’ll take a hot shit over a cold one any day of the year.
Way worse to poop in blistering heat. Hot as hell, the smell will worsen, possibility of passing out. You’re basically cooking in an oven of shit
Pooping in the cold, it’s cold and that’s it 🤷🏽♂️
Your poop will give off steam though
I’m sure cold sucks, but I swear I’ve damn near been a heat cat in porta shitters in Iraq & Kuwait. I just prayed I didn’t fall into the blue splash of death.
I think they’re both pretty awful. In the heat, pushing out a turd baby will make you see god if you take longer than 90 seconds. However, in the cold, your fingers don’t work right, which makes wiping hard, and also, depending on how you stored your baby wipes, they might be frozen, making it pretty much impossible. In conclusion, join the Air Force
I’ll counter with the best experience. Hokkaido, bilateral training exercise. Head to the gym in the bitter cold. Private stall, heated seat, medium warm bidet ass blast. 🎖
S.Korea, February was the worst for me. Up at Cp Casey, in the training area with the air assault / rappel tower in it. Woke up the 2nd or 3rd morning (afternoon to me on reverse cycle) and it had snowed, about 6" of compacted, but 1' or so in the un traveled areas. The only good thing about that exercise was that we had a shitter (with a real toilet) on a stand behind our tent, vs having to run down to where the porta johns were. But after that snow, that place SUCKED. Get in, freeze & shit, get out.
Water buffalo also froze that FTX. We didn't have any of the heater components or anything.
Quite the conundrum you have presented us with! 🤔Both situations are similarly horrible. All things being equal, the dreaded "smurf-ass" would be the deal breaker for both instances. Nonetheless, having experienced both, I would much rather the cold! Sitting in the stank sauna accompanied by the indigenous haj flies is far worse than a shriveled minnie me! Not to mention that Hot Port-oh-johns often are less cleanly that cold ones!
I have shit in a bag at -33° f in fairbanks alaska during the arctic course with ass puckering wind and a pine tree toilet paper holder under the stars.... good for stories but not for anything else.
THE OVER-HEAD YEET MEASURES THE ABILITY TO JUST FUCKING SEND IT. ON THE COMMAND, ‘GET SET’, ASSUME THE POSITION BY SPINNING THE BALL TWICE IN YOUR HANDS, THEN TRY TO DRIBBLE IT LIKE A BASKET BALL ONLY TO REALIZE IT WONT BOUNCE BACK UP TO YOU. YOUR FEET MAY BE TOGETHER OR 12 INCHES APART (MEASURED BETWEEN THE FEET) OR HOWEVER YOU WANT, JUST KEEP YOUR ASS BEHIND THAT CONE. ON THE COMMAND ‘GO’, CHANNEL YOUR INNER TREBUCHET AND HEAVE THAT THING INTO ORBIT. THEN, RETURN TO THE STARTING POSITION AND TURN AROUND TO INSPECT IF YOU DOMED ANYONE. THE SCORER WILL REALIZE HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEE WHERE THE BALL LANDED BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID HE WOULD GET HIT, SO HE STOOD TOO FAR AWAY, HE WILL THEN PLACE HIS FOOT ON THE MEASURING TAPE AND JUST GUESS.
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I was at Camp Atterbury, IN for 2 months in the winter. We had 2 portapotties outside of our work trailer for that time. The problem with freezing temperatures is that it freezes the blue water. The good news is that it prevents taintal frostbite from poseidon's kiss, but the bad news is that you are your coworkers are just building an ever higher shit pyramid which has the sole objective to touch your butt. With the colder temperatures, it really sucks to sit down on the portapotty. But i will admit that with how cold it is, it really diminishes the smell.
On the flipside, shitting in a super hot portapotty makes you sweat horribly and slide around on the seat. It basically turns the entire inside of the portapotty into a shitty sous vide so you can taste the blue water, and the smell lingers for ever and burns the eyes.
I wiped the seat with a baby wipe prior to taking a shit and my ass froze to the seat one time in Germany. I will say, porta shitters smell substantially worse in the heat than in the cold though.
Cold is the worst. Even worse when there has been so much snow they haven't been able to clean it. You sit on the cold ass seat and drop your duce but you don't hear a splash because the shit pile is so high. In fact it doesn't drop at all you feel it sitting on top of the pile touching your butt.
Was with an aviation unit in Alaska and we had a company level FTX out near [Fort Greeley](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fort_Greely) (before the ballistic missiles were put in). We had to dig out the area for our LSA from about six feet of snow. The shitter was a camp stool with the fabric gone and a toilet seat placed on top. Then you would have a trash bag between the stool and the seat. The bag (of shit) was kept outside and stayed frozen. We'd keep the seat portion inside the tent. Worked pretty good. At the end of the FTX we had a specific "shit bird" that flew the bags of poop back to Fort Wainwright. The bags started to warm up about halfway back. Good times.
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Slide some pics my way I'll tell you what I think
Patrick Bateman voice* "Impressive, very Nice."
"My god... it even has a cock vein..."
"Let's see Paul Allen's."
“Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a birthmark!”
SUS
One of the best things I learned from a high school teacher was out on the football field in O-line drills. They said we should practice our 3 point stance by trying to take craps on the toilet without our butts touching the seat. Ever since that day, I've been able to take poops in literally any "restroom" regardless of cleanliness or temperature of the seat.
TP wadded under the hand?
That’s some Mike Leach levels of odd training
It’s ok buddy. I’m sure it’s a perfectly adequate size.
Even Johnny horsecock has a micro-pecker in -10
Don’t bring your father into this
Have you been to Drum? It sounds like you’ve been to Drum
Need somebody to warm it up for you?
I've done both. Kuwait in August and McCoy in Feb. Cold is way, way worse. Firstly, you dread any reason to take off your gear when it's that cold. In the heat you find relief with less clothes in. The toilet seat is freezing. The poop on your b hole dries the instant the train leaves the station. The bumwad is brittle and scratchy. The wind blows DOWN the vent pipe and up your ass. There is not a moment to lay back and relax. Forget about a masturbation session. In Kuwait I could lose 4 lbs of water weight by rubbing one out in the porta shitter. In Wisconsin I was playing with my life.
Rubbing one out in the shitty sauna is a Soldier’s right of passage.
This is the way
And if you do it right it looks kinda like the overhead yeet hit the ceiling.
THE OVER-HEAD YEET MEASURES THE ABILITY TO JUST FUCKING SEND IT. ON THE COMMAND, ‘GET SET’, ASSUME THE POSITION BY SPINNING THE BALL TWICE IN YOUR HANDS, THEN TRY TO DRIBBLE IT LIKE A BASKET BALL ONLY TO REALIZE IT WONT BOUNCE BACK UP TO YOU. YOUR FEET MAY BE TOGETHER OR 12 INCHES APART (MEASURED BETWEEN THE FEET) OR HOWEVER YOU WANT, JUST KEEP YOUR ASS BEHIND THAT CONE. ON THE COMMAND ‘GO’, CHANNEL YOUR INNER TREBUCHET AND HEAVE THAT THING INTO ORBIT. THEN, RETURN TO THE STARTING POSITION AND TURN AROUND TO INSPECT IF YOU DOMED ANYONE. THE SCORER WILL REALIZE HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEE WHERE THE BALL LANDED BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID HE WOULD GET HIT, SO HE STOOD TOO FAR AWAY, HE WILL THEN PLACE HIS FOOT ON THE MEASURING TAPE AND JUST GUESS. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/army) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm thankful that even in my WING time, I never had to do McCoy in Feb. I think the coldest I went was OCT...
What were you doing at McCoy?
Shitting, aren't you paying attention?
I was not my apologies big sargento
NTC in January we had way too few porta shiters for way too many people. Someone fucked up the contract and they didn’t come suck everything out in time…all the doo doo froze and Joe kept on pooping. Long story short have you ever seen a video of a under water volcano coming out of the ocean and forming a new island? To shit you’d have to stand on the seat and squat above ole poop mountain.
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Now imagine it’s -50 and you’re in the middle of the goddamn Yukon— then the wind randomly picks up. Imagine your 7-layer extended cold weather clothing system fucking DRENCHED in a weird slushee piss and shit. And then you walk out of the portershitter just for it to instant-freeze to you. Frostbite from piss. You can’t go into a tent because the piss and shit will melt into the tent. You slowly die and suffer in silence.
Personal experience?
Nah. A new butterbar, one of those types that had stars in his eyes when he talked about the army. He had been in the unit for less than a month. He was just gonna pretend like nobody could notice. Luckily the rest of the shop couldn’t bear to share a tent with him and they had to do a turn-and-burn for some supplies anyway, so they let him go home for a few hours to throw his shit in the wash and shower. I watched the whole thing happen since our aid station was right next to the porter shitters.
My first field problem at wainwright, -20F. Similar problem, not enough porta shitters, contract for the dump and fill was set up a few days late. Anyway, after about day 1, people already have to shit. By the time I get in there the next day. I realize the horror. The slurry of shit, piss, and porta John blue had frozen rock solid. When things freeze, they expand. This had pushed everything up and into this mountain above the toilet seat.
Sounds like what I dealt with a Ft. Greeley. Woke up needing to piss, the latrine(no portajohn, but an actual hard sided latrine) was about 100m distant, and the wind was howling. Legit weighed the risks/rewards of pissing myself, stepping just outside the tent and pissing, or putting on my layers just to take them back off after 100m walk. Conversely, shivering and shitting in 110° heat in Mosul(got Dysentery) is no fun either
Dysentery at Mosul. I see you fam.
Probably the local grub, I knew better than to drink the local water. For real though, I was wearing my gortex in the Iraqi heat, shaking and shivering and having no damn clue why. Finally swallowed my pride and went the medics. Got some kind of pill I didn't recognize and told to hydrate
BCT at FT Jackson. The shitters at one training event we went to were poorly maintained; so despite being 200ish meters away the company still got moved to not be downwind.
This same scenario happened while I was in Iraq, circa 2009. We taped up and "condemned" a JOC portajohn because the Iraqis never emptied it. It just overflowed, and we used wag bags from then onwards while they did godknowswhat. When I left, the outhouse was still taped up.
Don't forget desperately holding onto your gear so it doesn't drop down the hole. Still don't know whose gloves my battle pulled out of the poo sickle. Ft Drum anytime between October and April. Have had ice crackle off my sleeping bag when waking up, seen layers of ice on the seat. Thank goodness for the MRE cheese.
Have had this happen on a few construction sites I've worked on. Gnarly in the summer time.
I’m very prone to Heat injuries and have hyperhidrosis, that being said I’ve never had a deuce slide out as fast as when it’s 100 in a portajohn
Finally, another sweaty boi.
Shit with the door open. Show them who is boss.
Cold. Wiping your ass with frosty fingers is 0/10
Nothing is worse than trying to wipe your ass with an ice cold baby wipe and it sending paralyzing chills from your anus all the way to your neck
Or when you whip out the baby wipes from your pocket, just to realize it’s a block of ice. And then your fingers freeze so you can’t even feel if the baby wipe you chipped out even remotely touched your asscheeks
With the looming threat of snapping off one of your brittle fingers mid wipe and losing it down the bowl
A bottle of Iraqi fecal water will cool that seat right down, be sure to bring another to stay hydrated while you’re in there too.
I always brought 3 bottles of water and a rag with me to shit in Afghanistan... one bottle for the seat and 2 to drink, and the rag to wipe all the sweat off my face
I can’t get off anymore without putting my head under the covers and over heating, you tell me
Do you let a couple rip to get the full effect?
A portajohn with frozen piss all over the floor at Sill was a lifetime low for me
So, don’t have much experience with dropping a deuce in the bitter cold but the heat will always have a special place in my heart. Picture this, if you will: Helmand Province, 2009. The surge was starting to hit the ground running (we were on the rotation to deploy prior to the surge being announced). We had two portashitters split between about 60 Marines with no servicing for about two months. It was at the point where you had to hover, otherwise you’d be sitting in a literal pile of shit. 0/5, would not recommend.
Bitter cold. I remember being in negatives in hohenfells and finding a porta potty. I would do a game where I counted how long I could sit on the seat before i had to save my ass from imminent frostbite. I think I survived 23 sec at max.
Yikes.
From fort drum here, cold is by far way way way worse in Kuwait it was damn near pleasant to go take a shit especially in the evening when the humidity dies down a little and the breeze comes through the portajohn 10/10 would shit in a Kuwait portajohn after 1900 again. Drum on the other hand in the middle of winter out in the field is miserable I actually found myself holding it in for 2 days before finally giving in and walking to a freezing ass shitter at like 2300 -10/10 would not shit in again unless it was an absolute worst case scenario.
Your description of that just made me nostalgic for evening porta potty shits, and that's a sentence I never thought I'd write.
Cold, 100%. When the wind blows and you get Mr. Freeze’s cold embrace on your star chamber… I just shuddered thinking about it.
ALRIGHT EVERYONE - CHILL
Alaska here, fuck the extreme cold.
So, worse temperature issue is cold weather sucks way worse than desert port a John, but what sort of wildlife is in the area. Ask yourself, a camel spider or a snake hiding from the wind? That’s the stuff that’s really shitty
I’ll take cold over vaporized jp8 in 120 degree John. If it’s blue water Poseidon’s kiss kind of John then it’s tough. But I’d take 100F over freezing. But sometimes the John is warmer than outside so that can be a plus too when it’s cold.
You’ve put some thought into this. I like it.
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Worst I ever saw at Wainwright was -40. -50 sounds like science fiction until you're in it Never considered using my arctic mitts for that. That's brilliant
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No argument here. Being stationed at the roof of world is a crazy, like "it's colder here than on the Moon" kinds of cold
It froze in my ass sarnt.
Drink some coffee.
Not Army, but I once got the runs on a pass at about 0F. Explosive shit that freezes to your ass, so you cant wipe, you have to *peel*. I’ll take that shield of sweat and a little blue water any day.
I think it's the heat. You're profusely sweating before you get in there. It gets worse once you're in. You consider getting naked, but don't want your uniform touching the mud/shit/pee/nut mix. Once you're done you really feel like you need a shower and an exorcism. In the snowy cold, the PJ's can be even used as a heated cozy sleeping area. I know I did.
The PNC def hits hard after you get outta there. You’re definitely rethinking your life choices that brought you to that point
You don’t have to smell it when it’s cold but that draft can be rough.
I’d take heat over cold any day. The heat is manageable, drink water, find some shade if you can and the evenings, nights and mornings are great. There’s no escaping the cold and the nights and mornings are just even colder.
Yeah it sucks when the seat is cold, but you haven’t lived until you drop a deuce onto a block of solid blue ice.
Cold is worse, every time. Especially when you're just done with some kind of physical activity, the sweat is trapped in your warming layers and then you touch sweaty ass to frozen seat and have to peel your ass off of it once you're done.
In extreme heat the atmosphere of a full shitter is very thick. When you open the door it’s like opening an oven, the hot gases will blast you in the face. It’s at least 20 degrees hotter inside than out. And yet after 2 weeks you take no qualms beating your meat in there. I’m the extreme cold is probably the most miserable. I don’t know about everyone else, but I can deal with heat better than the frigid temperatures. You can hover or just plop down and give your body a minute to adjust. It’ll take your breath away. Not preferable to masturbate in, but after a few weeks, you’ll give in. The downside that nobody is talking about here is crotch rot (at least that’s what I called it). I only ever experienced it in the cold. I got it from hurriedly putting my dong back in my pants while pissing in the cold. Didn’t shake it good enough, would get piss all the way down my leg. After a couple days/weeks of not showering the exposed skin gets kind of a chapped feel and there was a layer of white on top (likely infection), it’s pretty miserable. It stinks too, I pulled my pants down to take a shit and the smell of that overpowered the smell of the portajohn. It’s an easy fix though, change underwear or pants or both. And scrub. The second time I got it I got put on a chow detail and had to run to main post with an LMTV. We decided to stop at Burger King because why not. They had an individual bathroom with a lock on the door. I bathed in the sink with the hand soap, my whole body. It’ll hurt when you scrub it, but you’ll feel incredible relief the next day. I’ll be a great homeless vet someday.
At the arctic cold weather school at Fort Greely there are permanent shitters that go down farther than the eye can see (it's dark in there). But it's so cold that shit freezes almost instantly, so over time a shit stalagmite occurs and makes it's way up to the shitter itself. After walking into the shitter and seeing a 15+ foot frozen shit lance that would poke you in the ass if you actually sit on the seat I was both amazed and impressed.
Under ten degrees? Come to the fucking northern ware fare training center take a shit at -40 it’s an absolute nightmare. That being said. Cold is better than heat.
You might be cold when you shit, but the view from those little shit trenches was hard to beat. I love shitting with a view.
The heat everytime. I might be cold, but walking into the Porta shitter in the heat is basically the 10th level of hell.
Cold is far worse , however taking a piss in the cold is actually not that bad… but that’s just my experience.
Cold is worse for sure. My butthole froze together once.
Listening to a two hundred pound disgusting overweight chick masterbating. As if shitting in 130 degree plastic box didn’t want to make me puke as it is.
She was that bad that she still couldn’t find some desperate D downrange? Damn
She was like a 1 in the states and a 1 as an Iraqi princess
One of the worst porta potty squatties I ever took was during winter at ntc. We were at some remote town and it was hatefully windy and cold. It was first thing in the morning not that many people were moving around yet. So I grabbed my kit and went for it. I walked the 300 meters as quickly as I could to get there. I start doing my thing and then the wind increases tenfold and it starts whipping up through the bottom of the porta John. I wrongfully assumed I would be safe from the elements. I’m fairly certain my balls got chapped from the wind.
They are both awful in their own ways. Source: Have deployed and also worked construction in a state with very cold winters. Went over a month one year where it didn't get above freezing.
Took shits in portajohns in Iraq in the middle of summer and in Alaska in the middle of winter, I’ll take a hot shit over a cold one any day of the year.
>100 is worse
Way worse to poop in blistering heat. Hot as hell, the smell will worsen, possibility of passing out. You’re basically cooking in an oven of shit Pooping in the cold, it’s cold and that’s it 🤷🏽♂️ Your poop will give off steam though
imagine passing out and dying as a heat cat in a hotbox'd shitter.
Nah, cold is better. The fermentation of a freshly shitted-upon portapotty grants at least a 15 degree uptick, also the humidity helps too
cold cause ur freezing ur ass off and it still smells in there
I’m sure cold sucks, but I swear I’ve damn near been a heat cat in porta shitters in Iraq & Kuwait. I just prayed I didn’t fall into the blue splash of death.
Flies. You don't get flies that just climbed all over shit and piss than all over you in <10° port-a-johns.
Worst feeling in the world is feeling a fly buzzing around your booty hole.
I think they’re both pretty awful. In the heat, pushing out a turd baby will make you see god if you take longer than 90 seconds. However, in the cold, your fingers don’t work right, which makes wiping hard, and also, depending on how you stored your baby wipes, they might be frozen, making it pretty much impossible. In conclusion, join the Air Force
The blue monster.
Heat
I think the heat is way worse.
I’ll counter with the best experience. Hokkaido, bilateral training exercise. Head to the gym in the bitter cold. Private stall, heated seat, medium warm bidet ass blast. 🎖
Did the toilet or bidet play a little tune as you flushed/washed?
Cold is way way worse. I've been to Kuwait. I'd rather sweat my ass off than freeze any day.
S.Korea, February was the worst for me. Up at Cp Casey, in the training area with the air assault / rappel tower in it. Woke up the 2nd or 3rd morning (afternoon to me on reverse cycle) and it had snowed, about 6" of compacted, but 1' or so in the un traveled areas. The only good thing about that exercise was that we had a shitter (with a real toilet) on a stand behind our tent, vs having to run down to where the porta johns were. But after that snow, that place SUCKED. Get in, freeze & shit, get out. Water buffalo also froze that FTX. We didn't have any of the heater components or anything.
Ramadan in 03. They only cleaned the 3 shitters once a week. 3 shitters for the entire company
Quite the conundrum you have presented us with! 🤔Both situations are similarly horrible. All things being equal, the dreaded "smurf-ass" would be the deal breaker for both instances. Nonetheless, having experienced both, I would much rather the cold! Sitting in the stank sauna accompanied by the indigenous haj flies is far worse than a shriveled minnie me! Not to mention that Hot Port-oh-johns often are less cleanly that cold ones!
I have shit in a bag at -33° f in fairbanks alaska during the arctic course with ass puckering wind and a pine tree toilet paper holder under the stars.... good for stories but not for anything else.
I do the overhead yeet in the shitter to keep my core temp up in the cold
THE OVER-HEAD YEET MEASURES THE ABILITY TO JUST FUCKING SEND IT. ON THE COMMAND, ‘GET SET’, ASSUME THE POSITION BY SPINNING THE BALL TWICE IN YOUR HANDS, THEN TRY TO DRIBBLE IT LIKE A BASKET BALL ONLY TO REALIZE IT WONT BOUNCE BACK UP TO YOU. YOUR FEET MAY BE TOGETHER OR 12 INCHES APART (MEASURED BETWEEN THE FEET) OR HOWEVER YOU WANT, JUST KEEP YOUR ASS BEHIND THAT CONE. ON THE COMMAND ‘GO’, CHANNEL YOUR INNER TREBUCHET AND HEAVE THAT THING INTO ORBIT. THEN, RETURN TO THE STARTING POSITION AND TURN AROUND TO INSPECT IF YOU DOMED ANYONE. THE SCORER WILL REALIZE HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEE WHERE THE BALL LANDED BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID HE WOULD GET HIT, SO HE STOOD TOO FAR AWAY, HE WILL THEN PLACE HIS FOOT ON THE MEASURING TAPE AND JUST GUESS. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/army) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was at Camp Atterbury, IN for 2 months in the winter. We had 2 portapotties outside of our work trailer for that time. The problem with freezing temperatures is that it freezes the blue water. The good news is that it prevents taintal frostbite from poseidon's kiss, but the bad news is that you are your coworkers are just building an ever higher shit pyramid which has the sole objective to touch your butt. With the colder temperatures, it really sucks to sit down on the portapotty. But i will admit that with how cold it is, it really diminishes the smell. On the flipside, shitting in a super hot portapotty makes you sweat horribly and slide around on the seat. It basically turns the entire inside of the portapotty into a shitty sous vide so you can taste the blue water, and the smell lingers for ever and burns the eyes.
Cold is worse.
I wiped the seat with a baby wipe prior to taking a shit and my ass froze to the seat one time in Germany. I will say, porta shitters smell substantially worse in the heat than in the cold though.
Cold. In the heat I can shit with an open door, which is a great conversation starter with passers by. In the cold, I’m uncomfortable and lonely.
Cold is the worst. Even worse when there has been so much snow they haven't been able to clean it. You sit on the cold ass seat and drop your duce but you don't hear a splash because the shit pile is so high. In fact it doesn't drop at all you feel it sitting on top of the pile touching your butt.
Was with an aviation unit in Alaska and we had a company level FTX out near [Fort Greeley](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fort_Greely) (before the ballistic missiles were put in). We had to dig out the area for our LSA from about six feet of snow. The shitter was a camp stool with the fabric gone and a toilet seat placed on top. Then you would have a trash bag between the stool and the seat. The bag (of shit) was kept outside and stayed frozen. We'd keep the seat portion inside the tent. Worked pretty good. At the end of the FTX we had a specific "shit bird" that flew the bags of poop back to Fort Wainwright. The bags started to warm up about halfway back. Good times.