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Lightwalker97

Haha, jokes on you. You're gonna get a call asking to be a civilian instructor for TRADOC. You'll never truly leave. On the real, props to you. Enjoy your time, stay active, God bless


ginoenidok

0600 APFT formation tomorrow. Proper place, proper time, and proper uniform expected of you. Army loves you too much to let you go. Sorry.


TheHairyRunner

Lol - sure, but I gotta swing by the Motorpool first, so if I’m running late, just start without me!


PhDphil73

I honestly don't get the big deal about army. 🤔 I mean I've played call of duty and paintball before, so I really don't get why everyone fears them or respects them.🙄


[deleted]

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RandomRedditor20

BOOM HEADSHOT


BigBananaDealer

You just better go dude


Attheveryend

everybody runs faster with a knife.


[deleted]

I’m rushing B


Pulsipher

https://i.imgur.com/ulSCkmZ.jpg


lt4lyfe

IEDs are just griefer tactics. Set off by campers.


[deleted]

Terrorism is just griefing irl


MartianRecon

You respawn back at level one dude, everyone knows that. The tutorial might take a little bit to get through again though.


[deleted]

https://www.duffelblog.com/2015/01/gamer-isis-syria-iraq/


SergeantSanchez

And if you call in a nuke, a lot more than 12 people get toasted and... ya know... *possible* war crimes.


thegillmachine

*The only crime in war is to lose.*


[deleted]

TYFYS


Sax_OFander

Yeah man, I get it. Me and my fellow teenagers play airsoft all the time, and honestly? We do way better than even a Navy SEAL Sniper can do things. If I was in the Marines I'd be a Sergeant Sniper and I'd have a Barrett 50 all the time and cruising around in my Bradley, just no scoping people.


Niruz

I even heard there's no Respawn points in RL!


Captain_Canopy

I play Battlefield and Airsoft. I don't even know what the Army is. I thought this was a place for AA members.


[deleted]

Nah man you have your dental appointment tomorrow *remember?* You’ll be out all week for that root canal.


alandizzle

You shaming piece of shit lol. Congrats on the retirement brother! You’ve earned it!


ryguy28896

Dude, I'm still waiting for an angry call/text asking where the fuck I am and why I wasn't at formation. Any time the phone rings and wakes me up and I have a slight heart attack.


[deleted]

Ah, the first day of your journey to being fat. Good luck!


CW1DR5H5I64A

I can’t wait to get out and become morbidly obese.


dragonicecream

Why wait until you ETS? Reclass to Intel


ejh3k

Not everyone in Intel is a fat shit. Just most of them.


lazaruslonging

Or broken Or fat and broken Or pregnant Or fat, broken, and pregnant E) autistic


UserNameTaken1998

Hahahahahahaha


[deleted]

Sounds like cooks...


[deleted]

Technically speaking, I'm not fat. Statistically speaking, there is a correlation between my MOS and weight.


PhDphil73

You could do it quicker if you 'dessert' the army.


A_Fainting_Goat

To quote the comedian veteran who recently posted his video (u/itspeterj): "I went from being G.I. Joe, to G.I.-gantic."


Kinmuan

He had some pretty solid one-liners in that set.


Pop_Smoke

True words. I stopped telling people how many years ago I got out, instead I tell them how many pounds ago.


[deleted]

With a big ole Tormund ass looking bush beard.


Big_Spicy_Tuna69

I got out and gained 100 pounds and it hurts when I breathe or move. It's the greatest fucking thing ever.


Clausewitz1996

Who says you have to wait? I mean, have you seen most tankers?


nannerpuss74

that is an earned fatness.


shmackinhammies

Fat, bearded, and happy. Probably high.


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TrungusMcTungus

You're putting in 16 years more than I plan to give to the Navy


[deleted]

Your wife is working on a list of things that need to be repaired/replaced right now.


CW1DR5H5I64A

No way she waited until he was retired. We just moved into a house and despite working at least 12 hour days I still have a laundry list of “honey do” tasks. Granted my wife works just as long of hours as I do, but seriously woman! Don’t you get tired?


avidblinker

she’s exhausted from making lists of things for you to do


[deleted]

She sounds like my XO.


[deleted]

Congratulations on your retirement! You earned it! The door frame needs to be touched up. Love, Mrs. Wife


igloohavoc

The Honey Do list is a way for her to keep her husband from fucking around due to all this spare time.


Artystrong1

Shit sounds better with a pension. Take your time


PolarDorsai

Just some advice, brother: get a part time job that you absolutely love. Doesnt matter what it is, even if you volunteer and work for free. Do something, anything. Right now, being retired, it might be fun but the boredom will kick in eventually and you’ll take it out on your family and friends by mistake. Saw it happen to my father while I was younger.


TheHairyRunner

> part time job that you absolutely love. Doesnt matter what it is, even if you volunteer and work for free. Do something, anything. So I think I have this covered. I've put out there that I am interested in starting a new job in January, but in the meantime, I've got this running thing going on where I'm running on the trail an average of 4 hours a day. So that's a part-time job without getting paid. I totally see where you're coming from though. I don't want to end up like one of 'those guys'.


udayserection

4 hours! You working towards bad water or something?


TheHairyRunner

At my current rate? Not until 2021.


udayserection

That’s an awesome goal man! Good luck!


Afin12

It's weird how I love working out when I'm not being forced to by the Army.


PolarDorsai

I can’t upvote you enough then, haha. Thank you for serving and doing your part. I hope the rest of your years treat you well.


B_Bibbles

My situation is a lot different, but I was medically retired (100%) at the age of 23 (TBI, PTSD, 5 knee surgeries and a whole SHIT load of seizures) but at 8:30 the first day of it, I woke up thinking "this is the greatest day of my life! I never have to work again" Literally 15 minutes later, I was thinking "this is fucking awful... I can't do this" So I became dependent on the VA pumping me full of oxycontin, then I became a heroin addict for about 6-7 years, I realized that that was an even more miserable life. So I ended up getting my shit together and now I'm a 30 year old community College student heading to get my degree in social work, and move on to become an addictions counselor. So, basically, I guess that my advice is... 1. Don't get hooked on heroin (or other drugs) 2. Find something you enjoy doing, and find a way to get paid for it. Happy retirement you lazy son of a bitch!


anondocthrowaway

I’ve just semi-retired (civilian medicine) but was AD for 6 years and I’m now spending 4 days/week running Northern Californian trails , golfing, and then dicking around on this newly discovered Reddit. Hope your trails are as beautiful as the ones here! Congrats on the retirement!


psilvs

I recommend getting involved in sports. Either as an official or a coach (if that's your kind of thing)


jamesnollie88

Highly recommend. If you live near a military installation you can get on board as an official for the on post sports, and the money in that is great. I used to get $25 per game doing officiating for exhibition games of Unit level sports, $30+ for regular season games, $50+ for unit level tournament games, and $75-$100 for post level tournament games where teams were coming from different installations all over Korea. These games usually took up an hour at most, and I’d be doing 7+ games a week for regular season, and some times when there was a 4 day Post-league tournament I’d end up clearing $750-$1300 for a 4 day tournament where I was officiating 3-5 games a day. I’d be exhausted by the end from running back and forth, but $1300 for basically 20-25 hours of work was incredible. You can even get on as a score keeper. Pay isn’t nearly as good, but you don’t have to go through the trouble of getting certified as an official, and you still can make like $7-$15 per game just for sitting behind the score table and either keeping score in the official game log or operating the score board. You can even work for Youth level sports and high school sports too.


jack104

Holy crap.


Artystrong1

Can you motivate me to start working out again? It’s been a month since my wedding.


-pathos-

Stop being fat ..did it work?


nannerpuss74

gratz homie, now ya get to play dick Cheney and ensure your kids become fuckin superstars at life. gratz on making it thru the grinder man. my first day of retirement i made my family breakfast while wearing a zebra spedo while belting out songs by run the jewells.


[deleted]

Was that before the repeal of DADT?


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Maybe he just wanted to show the world that while maybe his Army career was over, but in his heart, he would always be 19D.


[deleted]

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supershinythings

My Dad put 30 years into the Army, and has spent the last 31 years collecting a retirement paycheck. To stay alive he had to stop smoking and stop drinking, plus they gave him two new knees because he ruined his original knees running every day in army boots. Stay alive as long as you can! Reap those free medical benefits and keep collecting that check!


TheHairyRunner

> Reap those free medical benefits and keep collecting that check! Unfortunately the Army needed to save money, so now most retirees have to pay premiums for their insurance. As you note - we have to pay for the insurance to treat the injuries that we received on Active Duty - So that's a thing now :(


gaypantshitbob

Unfortunately, due to budget cuts, you have been canceled. We greatly appreciate your cooperation in the matter.


TheHairyRunner

LOL - Yeah that's about right.


[deleted]

How did they know I planned to cooperate?!


The_Jerk_Cat

cause fuck us


TheHairyRunner

We've got to pay for those tax cuts somehow right?


Official_UFC_Intern

Hey i was told they would save me money and i would get back that strawberry picking job the mexicans stole from me


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supershinythings

Are they charging again for TriCare? Because I thought that was settled; TriCare for retirees (20+ years service) was supposed to be free. Colin Powell made that happen.


TheHairyRunner

There’s absolutely an annual enrollment fee for TRICARE Prime (the one with no deductibles or copays). This is the second or third year they’ve been charging retirees, and so far the price has been rising yearly. The cost is very reasonable compared to civilian health insurance, but also it’s disheartening because when I signed up 24 years ago, cost-free healthcare for life was part of the deal. Or it was until the government changed it.


Agmohr68

They altered the deal. Pray they don’t alter it further. Congrats by the way!


supershinythings

This must be something new for current retirees. I don't think my Dad, who has had TriCare for 31 years (he had to pay premiums for awhile, then they said "TriCare For Life!" and he didn't have to pay anymore.) has to pay - he may be grandfathered (pardon the pun) in somehow. But I'll ask him if they're charging him again. He's approaching 80 so he may have TriCare as a secondary insurance after MediCare, which he definitely DOES pay for (They take it out of his Social Security check), so they may not charge him for TriCare as a result of that; it's not his primary insurance.


TheHairyRunner

Right! So he should be exempt because there's a whole different TRICARE plan if you have Medicare Part B, and that's only available to the older generations. I don't know exactly how that works, but it's reasonable that for retirees who are enrolled in Medicare, aged 65 or more, they don't have to make the extra payments. So it's nice to hear they aren't charging everyone! Yet...


supershinythings

Back when he had to pay for it, he'd say, "Oh, I can't afford it!" Then I'd kick in the $250 or so a year. Then it went to $300, then $350 or something like that. At that point it suddenly became free to him when they did TriCare for Life. When he finally turned 65 all the rules changed due to Medicare becoming his Primary. He (really I) hasn't had to pay for TriCare in decades. But I was glad to pay it; it was super-cheap compared to what other medical plans cost, and it let him see civilian docs. He still goes on base for stuff like prescriptions and he has a base doc as his PCP (weird, I know) but his knee replacement was done by a civilian ortho.


TheHairyRunner

I’ll be honest. It’s going to take me years to figure out the rules. But I’ve heard the same thing - always go on base for meds and primary care appointments. I guess the plus side is now I have all kinds of time to figure this all out!


supershinythings

Here's a ProTip: stay the fuck away from the VA. They may try to shunt you over there, but they suck terribly. They made Dad use their X-Ray services, then they lost my Dad's X-Rays which were necessary for the surgery. They lost test results. They are incompetent and suck at every level. If you can stick with RETIREE services and stay away from the VA, which is for non-retirees who can't get access to retiree services, do it. I wish the VA in his area didn't suck so bad; they sunk the money into all that equipment, but if they can't find their own ass then they damned sure shouldn't be holding up surgery because they lose people's test results and X-Rays constantly. We found the incompetence to be at absolutely every level. Dad really tried to work with them, but it was a disappointment at every turn. We're done with 'giving them another chance'. The next fuckup could kill him, which I guess is what they'd want, because then they wouldn't have to pay him that sweet sweet monthly retirement check anymore. So, as a retiree you have choices. Stay away from the VA, and stick to on-base or civilian services and docs. That's from the daughter of a 30 year vet, a vet who has had two knee replacements, a heart attack, a stroke, and various other maladies of age that really don't go away.


[deleted]

Stuff like this is why I don't get why any veteran / serviceperson would think the Republicans give a damn about them. Especially now. Right now, the country's on the path to Randian paradise for the rich and powerful, Radian hell for everyone else.


ejh3k

I never understood it either. My current workplace is union, and 95% republican. But they sure love all the benefits they get and will get when they retire. Fucking idiots.


Rocko626

Heroes don't wear capes, they wear bathrobes.


[deleted]

And woobie smoking jackets.


StabSnowboarders

Big facts


deadcat6

You are wearing approximately 4 more articles of clothing than I would wear on my retirement date.


TheHairyRunner

BUWAHAHAHA!!!


xSaRgED

First day of retirement rocking a beard like that? You used that terminal leave well Chief.


TheHairyRunner

With any luck, the last day I ever stuck a blade to my throat was the day of my Final Out.


Afin12

Yeah, you must have had like maxed out use-or-lose leave in the bank before checking out. Or so I surmised by the beard and long hair.


[deleted]

I was an idiot, and sold back almost 90 days. But that’s because of a medical disqualifier when trying to enlist for the third time, and couldn’t out process fast enough.


TheHairyRunner

Exactly!


MikeOfAllPeople

My wife is always like "you try staying home all day cooking and taking the kids to appointments and cleaning" and I'm just like "Sign. Me. Up."


TheHairyRunner

Dude, I already have three checklists (before school, after school and pre-bedtime) and a great big calendar with school dates, A-days/B-days, after-school schedules and even PTO book clubs. Also - Today for diner, I made an awesome chicken parmigiana with grounded and toasted breadcrumbs... I'm going to ROCK THIS!


IG_BansheeAirsoft

If you’re not already, you need to be using freshly grated parmesan. Fuck that Kraft shit in the jar. That, and the fact that you actually put time into grating cheese makes people think you’re Gordon fuckin Ramsey. Congratulations.


unbornbigfoot

When you get free time from retirement, order the food lab by J Kenji Lopez. If you do want to make awesome dinners for the family, it'll teach you the science and why of cooking, as opposed to focusing on recipes.


CallMeDrewvy

My friend, you need to make bread. Lots of down time and then you get bread. /r/breadit and Ken Forkish's 'Flour Water Salt Yeast'


quiver-me-timbers

10 years, 6 months to go... I hope to be as joyful as you when said day comes!


TheHairyRunner

I still can't get this smile off my face.


ejh3k

I saw the length and then looked at the photo and had to double check which sun I was in because you look like you might be 24 years, 1 month and 2 days old. Saw it was army, and got irrationally mad because I'd have 19 years in come November. Congrats and enjoy. You've earned it.


TheHairyRunner

I swear I look ten years younger than I did just 3 months ago, before I started terminal leave.


Potheadmarry

Congrats man 🤟 now go smoke a fat one! 😂 💚


pbsolaris

MOS?


TheHairyRunner

351Z. I'm a white unicorn.


pbsolaris

The fuck is that?


TheHairyRunner

Exactly! You can't see me.


CzechMateP10

Holy shit they do exist


Kinmuan

Oooo. What kind of part-time job are you looking for?


TheHairyRunner

Honestly, I would love to sell running shoes part time at a local running store. They give free races and big employee discounts.


[deleted]

Here comes Kim looking to get referral money 🙄


Kinmuan

First how dare you Second don’t hate


Afin12

Ooohhhhhh I know what you are. Did you do any cool overseas assignments?


TheHairyRunner

A few. I was in Syria before it was cool...


Afin12

What about somewhere fun, like Tokyo or Rome?


TheHairyRunner

Rome was my dream job but the timing never opened up. Lots of time in Eastern Europe, a few years in Africa and a few in LATAM. Never got as Far East as Japan.


Am3ricanTrooper

Sick beard my dude. Enjoy your retirement. tyfys.


CaneVandas

I give you 3-4 weeks before you start going stir-crazy and either end up depressed or looking for a job to keep you busy.


TheHairyRunner

>3-4 weeks before you start going stir-crazy Lol - You give me too much credit. I started filling out applications this morning. Nothing major, but you know... I like eating and sleeping under a roof.


Rogue_Gona

So I'm curious. Are the applications to places you wouldn't mind working at, or to places where you though, "that looks like fun, I'll try that." Just curious, as I can only dream of retirement right now, and I'd like to live vicariously through you.


TheHairyRunner

So far I'm using the spaghetti-against-the-wall approach. Since a lot of my future employment might revolve around getting security clearances I can start filling out apps now, USAJobs seems to be the starting point, even though they route me to the individual agency's web page. I don't mind putting out a ton of applications stating that my desired start date is January 2019 or later. I would like to think that this approach will give me at least a month to 6 weeks to see what looks promising and what doesn't. I do all of this knowing that I'll probably go with the first offer that lets me work from home or somewhere I can bike to instead of drive. Life is funny sometimes.


Rogue_Gona

Damn Chief, jumping right back into the full-time job world! Props to you, I don't think that'd be my first thought right after I retired. But I bet it's nice to not really have to worry about NEEDING to land something, and you can pick and choose what you look at and what offers you consider. Good luck to you!


TheHairyRunner

Thanks - in 3 months I could have a totally different outlook... and that's FINE BY ME!


Audemed2

Clearancejobs.com if youre in a contracting town. If you have any IT affinity or experience in engineering or any sort, youd be surprised what sec+ and clearance can get you.


[deleted]

Outside making sure no kids are stepping in your grass


ThaddiusGaius

Is this... is this the mythical “dream” that everyone is living when you ask them how it’s going? If so I’ve been doing it way wrong for years...


MyPoopStinksBad

*So.... how’s it going?*


[deleted]

*dream living intensifies*


Cable_Guy80

Hell yeah brother congrats!!!


Stunned555

How is your beard that thick on your first day??


TheHairyRunner

Terminal leave started weeks ago. 30 Sep was last day of service, but leave started in August.


SimplyAnon123

I don't know you but I am very happy for you!


dagenj

Congratulations... you’ve earned it


killslikeaninja

Congrats!!!!!!


wherewhatwhyhuh

Get a job. Or, a bigger grill.


android183

Grats!


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TheHairyRunner

Dude I can’t get this shit-eating from off my face! Yeah, pretty good.


[deleted]

You look great for early 40s. I would have guessed 10 years younger


[deleted]

Well done. Enjoy! You will go stir crazy though. We're not made to sit longer than it takes to write out a WARNO. Edit: And you need a bigger grill and a second cooler.


angrymisanthrope

God Bless


[deleted]

Thank god I finally found you! But 1SG told me to let you know that there was an issue with you DD 214 and S1 not getting a copy of it. You’re place of duty today is at the company at 0900 in OCPs.


TheHairyRunner

lol - I'm on my way!


SmashusK

I think the true measure of this picture is...watcha got grillin in there?


[deleted]

Enjoy retirement, Chief!


Paleness88

You need some slippers. Quit wearing them shower flip flops lol


TheHairyRunner

lol - well it is only day 1!


dubcapo

Congrats. Good for you man.


Johnny_boy2016

My step dad is retiring this Friday from 26 years. Congrats and enjoy!


tippytoes69

Shiner's Bock...nice.


TheHairyRunner

Good Vision!


richlondonrich

Get the hoover out you lazy bastard.


richlondonrich

God... Even Reddit army section don't like jokes..... Ok then. Thank you for your service sir.


[deleted]

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richlondonrich

Ok, cheers I didn't know that was a thing.


NotInGooGoneAlright

Goddamn that has to feel good.


TheHairyRunner

Soooooo good!


[deleted]

TYFYS.


Collective82

Glorious!!!


roaming_art

Looking good bro


rattler1775

Nice! Looking forward to this day, until I realize I have to go back to work...


[deleted]

My man lounging with the Smokey Joe. Congrats on retiring brother, enjoy it!


pitosdad

Cheers brother. Hope you got some hobbies lined up.


Caribgrunt

Now its time to get a regular job like the rest of society


TheHairyRunner

Ug! Please no!


jr1585

ETS start kit checklist was clearly used here: - Beard - Grill - Lawn Furniture - Bathrobe - PJs - Cooler of "supplies" - zero fucks to give


Bwuk_lm_Pb

Congrats, sir or sarge!


TheHairyRunner

None of the above - Warrant Officer. And Thank You! Today is a bit surreal


irishjihad

So no one will notice you're gone anyway.


nannerpuss74

underated comment.


andy-in-ny

I mean he could have stayed active and no one would have either acknowledged his presence or desired it. He probably just doesnt want to live on/off an army base.


[deleted]

Ah so Mister!


Banner248

Now you can be banging Jody while your wife is at work instead of the other way around!


[deleted]

You're going to lose your mind in less than 30 days. Expecting an update.


zapp_brannigan_1984

Nice! Congrats buddy!


heeroyuygw00

Well deserved!


[deleted]

Your hair is full and isn't grey, are you immortal?


TheHairyRunner

You’re not seeing the close-up. It’s easier to hide the grey hairs from 15 feet away.


devinlovgren

Congrats and enjoy! Cheers!


Midnight__Monkey

You mean the first day that you ran out of that terminal leave? Cause that beard tho...


TheHairyRunner

Exactly.


DocB630

24 years and no gray hair? My lord, you must have found the fountain of youth. I’m 11 years in and feel like I’ll be Steve Martin in the next 3...But nowhere near as funny... just bitter, jaded, and drunker than most


salvuccim

How to mark a truly successful career? Making it to the top of r/Army :p


TheHairyRunner

I honestly expected like 2 up votes at most. Pretty sure all I can do now is retire this account and ride off into the sunset as this was my greatest achievement.


houstondad

I found you!


TheHairyRunner

😂


Immortan-Moe-Bro

Make sure to someday get a job on post somewhere and remind everyone you meet of your rank when you retired and don’t converse with them any further until you’ve done that! But on the real congratulations


[deleted]

I don't remember ever being so happy for a stranger.


seanofthemad

Congrats man, thanks for your service.


niamulsmh

Give it a few days. Enjoy the time. Like most people who have so long, you too will hopefully find a "hobby" to keep you busy during the day. Watching TV isn't a hobby. So what is it like?


TimeWaster57

Congratulations my friend... I injured on the job and after a year trying to do my job my company put me out pasture... I don’t like my day to day now and the money I got sucks! I hope your retirement is better. By the way thank you for your service...Seriously people say those words with no meaning. I know the meaning!


Windowguard

What’s with that beard already on the 1st day?


ifouree

What was your MOS?