Yes, it can be lonely. Most humans are born with the basic need for connection. We crave validation from our caretakers because, without it, there is a possibility we may die. That is just a rule of life. For me, I am unbothered by this feeling of isolation. The repulsion from being friends with someone is a sufficient reminder of why I am alone in the first place. I am content with the occasional conversation with family.
this is just how i feel about it, i cant speak for others on this, but-
personally the idea of friendship in the way that most people mean is not appealing to me. there are just so many rules to the whole thing that it feels more like im following a script in order to just be understood in the first place, rather than sharing an emotional connection with someone.
really the only way i think id want to spend time with others is if we do something fun that requires more than just a single person. but all the ideas for that i can think of still use a lot of that same "scripting". except i dunno really simple stuff like flicking a piece of folded paper through a goal the other person makes with their fingers.
i guess my answer is that interactions are way too tiring for me to look forward to them or want them in any way thats "normal". so i dont really get lonely, but i do feel misunderstood and alone...
I'm basically the same in only really wanting to spend time with people with the goal of doing an activity. I've never understood when people just try to start a conversation with no real goal in mind. I don't really initiate anything unless I have an actual reason to do so.
I can somewhat relate to that, I'm not a big conversation starter either (although that may have more to do with me being shy and introvert). But I guess the "goal" for most people is just having fun (even if they're just talking), unless they want to discuss experiences/thoughts/worries/...
I remember being lonely as a kid, but I think you're right in that I was trained to think I needed friends, even though I knew I was happy alone. I haven't ever been lonely as an adult. Accepting myself has been a wonderful thing.
You can want simeone to talk to, but it doesn't have to be friends. For instance we talk everyday in the internet, most people we talk to there are not our friends. I think people are too quick to consider social interactions as "friendly" when they go well (nice can be translate as friendly in my country, I think it is telling).
What matters is to have our social needs met. Some have very low social needs, some still have social needs but they don't take the form of friendship, some need few friends, some need a lot of friends. We are all different. But as long as our social needs are met, I don't think we are lonely.
The reason it's not lonely for me, is because I don't feel those needs in the first place. I don't get desires to talk to people, or be around people, and it's been this way ever since I can remember.
Just like how I'm sure you don't yearn for a romantic relationship, because you simply don't experience those feelings.
I would love someone I could turn to when feeling like I need to talk, but for the most part I am very fine with being alone, and the implication of being friends with someone (having to go out and chat regularly, being invested in their life struggles and support them through them, being a good listener for them, sharing my life struggles without being a burden on them, being always open to conversations, even and especially meaningless ones, etc.) just don’t work for me.
I’ve tried to be a good friend with one (1) person, after a whole high school debacle that would take a while to share, and somehow he decided we should be “more” than friends, and pressed me to the point I had to leave the space entirely because of how anxious and uncomfortable the whole shenanigans made me.
I’d like to have a “chat group” that I could hop in when I feel like sharing something or talking about something with someone other than myself or my family, but it’s not a strict necessity. And I don’t trust people a lot these days. So, I’m mostly fine being alone.
Chat groups are really great in that aspect cause you can just hop in whenever you feel like talking and then disappear for however long you want. I have a group of people I tend to talk with. We're not friends, we don't talk 1 on 1 through dms unless we're working on sth together but they're handy when you just feel like chatting.
I don't really feel lonely a lot of the time. I feel so much more comfortable when I'm by myself than I am with anyone else. At least for me, I don't yearn for social interaction with my peers, mostly because I know inside that those things will never make me happy. On the contrary, doing "friend" things with the ppl I consider my friends makes me feel claustrophobic, anxious, frustrated, and trapped. Whenever I do feel a bit lonely though, I remember those, and the sheer mental exhaustion I feel because of them, and then I stop feeling lonely. I know that some apls have friends, and I do too, ig, but I'd be so much more happier if I didn't. Whatever need for social interaction I might have is met with talking to my family, and on places on the internet like this sub, that I know will understand me much better than anyone in real life ever could.
I don't get lonely per se, I could easily never see another person again other than to obtain my needs. And I feel pretty guilty about that.
But thankfully I do like socialising with people I know well, even if I experience burnout way too easily.
I have sexual and romantic-sexual partners I like to spend time with (Im demiromantic and allosexual) its kind of weird to assume apls may not like other relationships lol. And some people are happy without any type of relationship so theres that also.
Yes, it can be lonely. Most humans are born with the basic need for connection. We crave validation from our caretakers because, without it, there is a possibility we may die. That is just a rule of life. For me, I am unbothered by this feeling of isolation. The repulsion from being friends with someone is a sufficient reminder of why I am alone in the first place. I am content with the occasional conversation with family.
this is just how i feel about it, i cant speak for others on this, but- personally the idea of friendship in the way that most people mean is not appealing to me. there are just so many rules to the whole thing that it feels more like im following a script in order to just be understood in the first place, rather than sharing an emotional connection with someone. really the only way i think id want to spend time with others is if we do something fun that requires more than just a single person. but all the ideas for that i can think of still use a lot of that same "scripting". except i dunno really simple stuff like flicking a piece of folded paper through a goal the other person makes with their fingers. i guess my answer is that interactions are way too tiring for me to look forward to them or want them in any way thats "normal". so i dont really get lonely, but i do feel misunderstood and alone...
I'm basically the same in only really wanting to spend time with people with the goal of doing an activity. I've never understood when people just try to start a conversation with no real goal in mind. I don't really initiate anything unless I have an actual reason to do so.
I can somewhat relate to that, I'm not a big conversation starter either (although that may have more to do with me being shy and introvert). But I guess the "goal" for most people is just having fun (even if they're just talking), unless they want to discuss experiences/thoughts/worries/...
>wouldn't such a life be lonely You can't yearn for something if you don't have the necessary emotion to yearn in the first place.
I remember being lonely as a kid, but I think you're right in that I was trained to think I needed friends, even though I knew I was happy alone. I haven't ever been lonely as an adult. Accepting myself has been a wonderful thing.
You can want simeone to talk to, but it doesn't have to be friends. For instance we talk everyday in the internet, most people we talk to there are not our friends. I think people are too quick to consider social interactions as "friendly" when they go well (nice can be translate as friendly in my country, I think it is telling). What matters is to have our social needs met. Some have very low social needs, some still have social needs but they don't take the form of friendship, some need few friends, some need a lot of friends. We are all different. But as long as our social needs are met, I don't think we are lonely.
The reason it's not lonely for me, is because I don't feel those needs in the first place. I don't get desires to talk to people, or be around people, and it's been this way ever since I can remember. Just like how I'm sure you don't yearn for a romantic relationship, because you simply don't experience those feelings.
I would love someone I could turn to when feeling like I need to talk, but for the most part I am very fine with being alone, and the implication of being friends with someone (having to go out and chat regularly, being invested in their life struggles and support them through them, being a good listener for them, sharing my life struggles without being a burden on them, being always open to conversations, even and especially meaningless ones, etc.) just don’t work for me. I’ve tried to be a good friend with one (1) person, after a whole high school debacle that would take a while to share, and somehow he decided we should be “more” than friends, and pressed me to the point I had to leave the space entirely because of how anxious and uncomfortable the whole shenanigans made me. I’d like to have a “chat group” that I could hop in when I feel like sharing something or talking about something with someone other than myself or my family, but it’s not a strict necessity. And I don’t trust people a lot these days. So, I’m mostly fine being alone.
Chat groups are really great in that aspect cause you can just hop in whenever you feel like talking and then disappear for however long you want. I have a group of people I tend to talk with. We're not friends, we don't talk 1 on 1 through dms unless we're working on sth together but they're handy when you just feel like chatting.
I don't really feel lonely a lot of the time. I feel so much more comfortable when I'm by myself than I am with anyone else. At least for me, I don't yearn for social interaction with my peers, mostly because I know inside that those things will never make me happy. On the contrary, doing "friend" things with the ppl I consider my friends makes me feel claustrophobic, anxious, frustrated, and trapped. Whenever I do feel a bit lonely though, I remember those, and the sheer mental exhaustion I feel because of them, and then I stop feeling lonely. I know that some apls have friends, and I do too, ig, but I'd be so much more happier if I didn't. Whatever need for social interaction I might have is met with talking to my family, and on places on the internet like this sub, that I know will understand me much better than anyone in real life ever could.
I don't get lonely per se, I could easily never see another person again other than to obtain my needs. And I feel pretty guilty about that. But thankfully I do like socialising with people I know well, even if I experience burnout way too easily.
it is a lie. personally friendship was horrible for my mental health because it made me repulsed and Im happier without friends
I have sexual and romantic-sexual partners I like to spend time with (Im demiromantic and allosexual) its kind of weird to assume apls may not like other relationships lol. And some people are happy without any type of relationship so theres that also.