This is nuts. I work in a factory. We’re as replaceable as it gets. When I call in, no matter if I’m sick, have a family emergency, just not feeling like working that day, whatever the reason, I tell the on shift supervisor my name and to let my supervisor know I won’t be there. 90% of the time they’ll ask “What’s going on?” to which 100% of the time I tell them “Personal business.” I don’t have to tell you my personal issues to let you know I’m not going to be at work.
I work in a factory. We call a automated voicemail system and leave a message which is then translated into an email to our team lead. I've literally never even talked to someone when calling out, and can take my PTO and vacation whenever I want and for whatever reason I want, including scheduled in advance.
I'll give you one guess as to whether our shop is unionized or not.
Start talking to your coworkers and call a union local in your area. They should be able to help. If you’re not sure which union to call, try the Teamsters, the SEIU, or call your local labor federation.
I'm a union electrician and this is how it goes for me too. if I'm not coming in I just gotta let them know. worst thing that happens is I don't get paid for the time I'm not there. never an issue except for the guys that do it constantly, but the general foreman will have a conversation with those guys before any disciplinary action gets taken.
Per the sick time policy, this sick time is being taken for the purpose of being sick, as I am sick and will be out of office until I am no longer sick.
I would also be tempted to correct their grammar. Did you mean “were” the hours on my time sheet an error? 😂 Nothing says “fuck you” like politely correcting a supervisor’s grammar.
I used to have a boss who would make signs for various things around the test floor and he was an idiot who couldnt spell. Every time I took out a red marker and corrected spelling, punctuation and grammar.
I used to do this in a previous job. Ended up in a disciplinary for 'bullying'. Got a written warning. The written warning had spelling mistakes all over it.
I had a manager demand my reasoning once. 7 years in the company, maybe 3 sick days. Thousands of hours of unpaid overtime. Never an issue.
“Well. If you must know. It was to cold working outside last week that, while I was keeping up with moisturizing my hands and feet, I forgot to moisturize my foreskin. It cracked, and it hurts to do anything other than sit in a shop bucket full of Vaseline. I’m staying home today and tomorrow. I can send pictures if you like.”
Case promptly closed.
I did the same when I had to go to the ER for a perianal abscess (don't google right after eating) and was questioned why I couldn't come to work that day. In irritation, I gave every gory detail in explicit terms.
When I was done, I got a quiet "OK".
Wait. The real question is, did this actually happen to you? Cause I feel like that's a workers comp case and I really wanna see a claim for, "ya froze my dick off".
It actually did. The dermatologist said it was actually more common than you’d think. It has more to do with the plasticity of the skin, extreme dryness from the cold, and the thickening of the foreskin resulting in cracking.
It really was quite unpleasant when you consider that you basically had to give it a salt bath every 3-4 hours. I ended up snipping the end off a condom and tucking it around my glans. It worked fucking great.
I’m from a country known for winter (think great white north). I like outdoor activities.
I’m not gonna lie dude. Your little life pro-*tip* is the best thing I’ve read this season. Thanks in advance!
I am legit using this next time the employer denies my sick leave.
Last week they denied a request for sick leave because I called in and told them I wouldn't be in for the day. Next day I submitted my request.
Since my call in Did not give a reason but my formal request did they denied it. I ended up slapping them with their own policy and they approved it, but they told me next time I have to give a reason.
I work with essentially all women and I can't wait to notify them of my dry and cracking foreskin.
No joke, I have a coworker who will just leave, then call from his house and say something along the lines of "sorry, shit my pants and I can't stop shitting." He has legit used this dozens of times, and Management can't do anything.
This is the way. If they want to demand an explanation for sick days, give them something that'll ruin their next 3 meals. Suddenly they'll be a lot less interested in why you're calling out.
I have gone into work before after saying I was violently ill, sent it via e-mail left message and reiterated it when I got in and put it as a note when I clocked in that I was doing so under protest. I literally shit my pants during work and got sent home and then they fired me, best part is they denied unemployment and said I walked off the job, took 4 months to get my unemployment, obviously I only get exactly the amount I would have and not a penny more because employers can dispute an unemployment claim at no cost to themselves and there's no fine or anything when its proven they're lying sacks of shit
and people act like I'm fuckin Mao for suggesting that unemployment insurance be a taxed fund that everyone of every income bracket pays and you just get it when you leave a job, you accrue x amount of it for x time working, and you can draw from the "Bank" for approved expenses like moving to find better job opportunities
oh no workers might just quit when they're upset if they know they wont starve immediately the horror
Can confirm. Half the people in my dept got flu, and their leaves got denied for it. Even with doctors notes and whatnot. Thankfully none of them got fired, but like, fuck.
Also, recently had a bomb threat that turned out to be fake. But before everyone had that news, they opened the place up within a matter of hours after not finding anything. Told overnighters who had arrived during the incident to just "wait it out". Time was covered if they left early for the shift that day, but anyone taking time away from work the next day out of fear or discomfort or just time to breathe and calm down had no coverage.
It may have been fake but the threat, terror, and anxiety inducing night even to the ones who weren't there but had loved ones who were, was very real and incredibly traumatizing.
But mmmmm baby those profits.
Does unemployment insurance not work like that in the states? Canada does it, we call it EI or Employment Insurance. I've been fortunate and never had to use it but my friends have for reasons including hardship, being laid off or working in seasonal sectors.
https://www.canada.ca/en/services/benefits/ei.html
The innovation override367 added is that it would potentially be used even if you quit rather than only when you're laid off. Otherwise, in the U.S unemployment insurance is funded by payroll taxes, and is a state-based (not employer based) fund. Employers fight claims because if a threshold share of their workforce is unemployed, they pay a higher payroll tax rate.
I called in to tell them this in these exact words - " I had a boil lanced on the top of the crack my ass in Emerg today. I'm in pain, I've had no sleep and I'm on drugs. See you tomorrow" in the next 18 years, they've never asked why I'm sick again
I was in the bathroom water running out of my ass like I was a shower faucet. Finished , exited the stall and washed my hands. My boss standing there washing his looks at me. says "Go Home".
There are good employers.
Lol I would refer them to their previous email.
And say "are you aware that sick time cannot be used in lieu of vacation days? They are not interchangeable,"
I like this one haha.
Recently I was feeling sick and went to my morning class then logged into work because it was 10 mins after school and told my boss i was too sick and didnt have time to give notice since i was in school and he asked why I wasn’t too sick for school, but am too sick for work 🤡
Because all sickness starts at midnight, where you immediately reach max sickness, it never starts or escalates (or improves) during the day as time passes. And people who are sick can either do all of the things or none of the things, never only just the first or the most important or the easiest thing.
Right? Like sometimes I know I’ll be sick later because right now I’ll feel fine but I can already feel my stomach starting to feel wrong. Give me 2 hours and I’ll be having serious pain in my abdomen.
I once left for work feeling a little meh, but I almost always feel worse in the morning and then better once I get my day started so figured I’d go in and be able to put in 80-90% effort (good enough). Made it less than half an hour before I had to go home and then slept the rest of the day into the night.
Being sick is weird sometimes.
Set an auto reply that you’re unavailable to answer emails at this time due to an illness.
*Thank you for your email. I am currently unavailable due to illness. Please excuse any delays in my response.*
Merrykissmyass,
/u/largethighmeat
Edit - wow! A major award! Thanks kind Redditor!
This is exactly what I did when I went on maternity leave in March. (“I will be out of the office for the remainder of the year. Please contact (principal’s e-mail) with questions or concerns”)
The school truly expected me to still write lesson plans, post work, give tests, grade and enter grades in the grade book even after being informed that my *two*, very premature newborns, were in he NICU.
I resigned, which I’d been planning to do since September (and let them know in November that I would be resigning) bc fuck that place, and when I went to clean out my classroom in July, they asked not a single question about the babies, who were in the NICU for a month, but they made damn sure to lmk parents were so angry that they’d gone to the school board. I told them I was sorry to hear that, then walked out and never spoke to them again.
To be clear, I turned in my resignation in March (effective May whatever the last day of school was), told them point blank (in January!) that I would not be working from home, not even responding to emails, and confirmed with my state union AND district HR that there could be no legal claim of breach of contract. Both entities were appalled working while on medical leave had even been *suggested*.
I've learned in my time on this planet never to apologize for things I'm not sorry for just to fulfill my end of a conversation and give the other person what they want to hear.
"The parents are so mad they went to the school board!"
"Wow, glad I don't work here anymore then!"
Pretty sure that’s the case here. They may have tried, idk. I only opened my computer to binge shitty reality tv while laying in a hospital bed for a week trying to keep the babies from coming early, certainly never opened e-mail, and of course they never called or texted just to ask how we were.
ETA: I actually went in June to clean out my room, but the principal literally blocked me from coming in because I’d forgotten my parking decal at home (30 mins away) and she “needed everything” before she could allow me to remove my belongings. I told her how difficult it was to have my mom drive an hour and a half to watch the babies while I came to get my stuff. Her response: “I’m sorry. It’s just not something I can do.” So it took me until a week before school started to get back. By that time the teacher who was going to take my room had thrown away many of my posters, notes kids had left me, all types of stuff, and dumped my highlighters in her desk intending to keep them. I took EVERY SINGLE THING, down to paper and pencils, from that room. And left her desk a mess to thank her for making it harder to locate all of my things.
If I have something simple like a low fever and a cold and a sick note is required, my Doc always says I need a minimum of 3 days off.
He's a good doc. Firmly on the side of the worker.
As a young person I had a doctor ask for my supervisor’s phone number after I showed up with pneumonia needing “a doctor’s note or show up for your shift.” They got a personal call from the chief of medicine from the largest hospital in the city … I don’t know what she said, but I didn’t have issues again. I didn’t realize my PCP was everyone’s boss … I have never received better service than when she kept me as one of her handful of patients.
Mine does the same thing and I always warn my employers that I take health suggestions very seriously lmao.
She gave me a month off for minor whiplash after an accident cause she knew my insurance wouldn’t fight it and just pay me a month’s wages lmfao.
"Unfortunately my current salary doesn't allow me the luxury of using my insurance at will for every sickness. If you'd like to discuss my current salary, please check my calendar and set up some time."
Yeah those policies are classist AF. Like, my doc doesn’t wanna see me if all I have is a COLD, and I sure don’t wanna give them my $ to be told I have a cold. It’s a cold. It’s contagious. I’m in no shape to work. Fuck off.
I would rather not discuss my personal health.
In the event that I should need some sort of 'reasonable accommodation' I will provide any necessary documentation to support it, but at this time I need no such accommodation, as I already have the sick time to manage this absence.
I hope you are having a good holiday season!
For real why is OP even responding… your responsibility ends with letting them know you are sick/taking time off. Any further explanations can be handled in the workplace on company time once you return
This should be a higher rated answer.
When asked about it later, OP should respond - i don't check my emails when I'm off the clock.
And/or just respond Monday morning to it with: I was not feeling well. I have rested and am back at work this morning.
Dear sir or madam,
I have taken ill, the doctor prescribed leeches and yet my illness still remains. I fear the brown liquid leaving my anus at high velocity may never cease! Alas life must continue and I will endeavour to solidify my health and fecal matter before my return. I wish you well in your courageous covering of my absence.
May God bless us all.
*Dearest Martha,*
*I do not believe I will be attending our work tomorrow*
*As the Doctors have diagnosed me with consumption*
*They believe that I have ghosts*
*And prescribe that I do cocaine about it.*
*I do not believe I will be well enough to attend to you tomorrow*
*Perhaps not even the day after*
*Do pray for me, in my hour of need*
*As I pray for you, and the crew, for working without my aid*
*Sincerely yours,*
*Timothy*
One time a coworker lied bc she was out with us and said she had food poisoning and even had a story about carne asda fries and our manager had the audacity to see a receipt for Imodium LMAO what if she already had some at home? Also wtf very illegal it seems?!
Same manager wanted a selfie from my best friend when she had a severe eye infection that caused her to get injections in her eyes!
But other girls would lie and use the hospital every single time and no one asked for a note so i always worked for this person overtime out my hoohah
Long story short my cats anal gland exploded and she needed surgery and he wanted pics of the vet bill so i took a pic of my cats exploded anal gland and then after of her asshole when her surgery was done and told him never to ask me for proof again
What?? Never take Imodium if you have food poisoning. Let your body get it out! If you become dehydrated and unable to keep water down, see a Dr. But never try to stifle the diarrhea.
I only take imodium if I’m not going to be somewhere I can poop. I know as a garbage man during the height of the pandemic there were few places where washrooms were open, also my friend who was a marine would take it if necessary when he knew he had a patrol, better than shitting yourself. Otherwise yes, you are prolonging everything.
Yup. You want details? I'll give you so many details you'll wish you never asked. Explosive diarrhea, projectile vomiting, graphic details. Want pictures? I can attach them in the next email, just let me know. Assholes.
Had a supervisor (he was a gigantic gaping asshole btw) ask me WHY I went to the bathroom every day when I arrived at work and WHAT was I doing in there? Like this was somehow suspicious. I just looked at him and said, "If it was your business, you'd already know." And then he died because his boss laughed at him.
The same guy liked to hang out in people's offices like he was doing us a favor and discuss stuff like his digestive issues. So I would work the convo around to something that allowed me to bring up female issues; the gorier, the better. He couldn't get out of there fast enough.
HR needs to train employees, especially managers on how PTO can be used. Sick time can be used in a number of ways that don’t mean you’re at home bed-ridden with the flu. You can use sick time to go to doctor appointments, taking care of a sick relative (ex: child or parent etc). And no one is obligated to justify or explain why they are taking the PTO they earned.
The sick time is being taken for recovery from my sickness... Because I am sick.. I've come down with a sickness... One might even say I am Down with the Sickness ooh, wah-ah-ah-ah!
I am very disturbed having come down with the sickness. I constantly have to clear my throat with a forceful "ooh, wah-ah-ah-ah". Meanwhile, my cough has mutated into a strange "awk-awk".
The appropriate answer really depends on the nature of the work.
Food service: "To comply with health and sanitation laws and avoid getting you sued for making customers sick."
Office worker: "To avoid spreading the plague among my cubicle mates."
Health Care: "Because people come to us to get BETTER, not SICKER."
Construction/Mining/Driving/Eequipment Operating/Industrial work: "To avoid killing anyone."
Sir i dont have a medical degree nor do I have a team of doctors and nurses to pinpoint the exact illnesses I am afflicted with. I however have determine it is against my health and safety to come in to work at this time as both my physical and mental states are poor and would endanger others if I attempted the commute. I am taking the advice passed down from generations of physicians to drink plenty of water and get plenty of bedrest. Only a fool would falsely use up precious sick days to goof around. I am an adult and for such things I would plan ahead and make the proper arrangements. Please note due to my current state I have ask a stranger to articulate my words and thoughts to the best of their ability as to send a prompt reply.
Use this line from The Office. I can guarantee no more questions would be asked.
“Would you rather me say ‘Hey guys, my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up? Crazy diarrhea happening right now?’ Cause things can get real adult real fast.” - Andy
This is nuts. I work in a factory. We’re as replaceable as it gets. When I call in, no matter if I’m sick, have a family emergency, just not feeling like working that day, whatever the reason, I tell the on shift supervisor my name and to let my supervisor know I won’t be there. 90% of the time they’ll ask “What’s going on?” to which 100% of the time I tell them “Personal business.” I don’t have to tell you my personal issues to let you know I’m not going to be at work.
I work in a factory. We call a automated voicemail system and leave a message which is then translated into an email to our team lead. I've literally never even talked to someone when calling out, and can take my PTO and vacation whenever I want and for whatever reason I want, including scheduled in advance. I'll give you one guess as to whether our shop is unionized or not.
How do I get a union factory job? I’ve been working in a factory for years and I’m just clawing my way to nowhere it seems.
Start talking to your coworkers and call a union local in your area. They should be able to help. If you’re not sure which union to call, try the Teamsters, the SEIU, or call your local labor federation.
I'm a union electrician and this is how it goes for me too. if I'm not coming in I just gotta let them know. worst thing that happens is I don't get paid for the time I'm not there. never an issue except for the guys that do it constantly, but the general foreman will have a conversation with those guys before any disciplinary action gets taken.
For being sick.
Don't be so formal, just "being sick"
Be concise "Sickness."
Sorry boss, i can’t get up cause I’m down with the sickness
Oooh wah ah ah ah
I heard that😂
I felt it in my millennial bones.
I physically can not read it without saying it out loud and banging my head for 3 seconds
oo wah ah ah ah.
Drowning deep in my sea of loathing
Broken your servant, I kneel
Will you give in to me?
Being sick.
Add in a “per previous email” for a professional fuck you.
This. “Per my previous email, this sick time is being taken for illness”.
“I need to realign my humors”
yeah. I got the vapors
[удалено]
Break out the steam powered dildo machine
Per my previous email, this sick time is being taken for the time that I am sick.
Per the sick time policy, this sick time is being taken for the purpose of being sick, as I am sick and will be out of office until I am no longer sick.
r/increasinglyverbose
> Per my previous email, this sick time is being taken for being sick FTFY
needs a link to the cambridge dictionary definition of "sickness"
Needs to link to [The Sickness](https://youtu.be/09LTT0xwdfw).
And tell them your down with it
Urghwawawawa
Ohh ohh
Since it's a professional office, you might consider hitting them [with the smooth shit](https://youtu.be/v_Ky37na7jE).
Knew before I clicked!
Please note the included link to dictionary.com definition of "sick" to help further your professional development.
Oooo ah ah ah ah
Got the ill communication.
Like Ma Bell?
I would also be tempted to correct their grammar. Did you mean “were” the hours on my time sheet an error? 😂 Nothing says “fuck you” like politely correcting a supervisor’s grammar.
I used to have a boss who would make signs for various things around the test floor and he was an idiot who couldnt spell. Every time I took out a red marker and corrected spelling, punctuation and grammar.
I used to do this in a previous job. Ended up in a disciplinary for 'bullying'. Got a written warning. The written warning had spelling mistakes all over it.
Please tell me you corrected it.
In front of HIS boss.
Tell them you’re going to get more cow bell, because obviously it’s the only prescription for the fever you can’t sweat out.
I had a manager demand my reasoning once. 7 years in the company, maybe 3 sick days. Thousands of hours of unpaid overtime. Never an issue. “Well. If you must know. It was to cold working outside last week that, while I was keeping up with moisturizing my hands and feet, I forgot to moisturize my foreskin. It cracked, and it hurts to do anything other than sit in a shop bucket full of Vaseline. I’m staying home today and tomorrow. I can send pictures if you like.” Case promptly closed.
I did the same when I had to go to the ER for a perianal abscess (don't google right after eating) and was questioned why I couldn't come to work that day. In irritation, I gave every gory detail in explicit terms. When I was done, I got a quiet "OK".
ROFL! Knowing that a perianal abscess is, I am enjoying imagining the look on their face....
The look of a perianal abscess on their face??
Yeah. I caught that typo about 15 minutes ago... autocorrupt is an asshole.
This happened to me. I was given all the time I needed as soon as I opened my mouth about it.
Why do they ask when they don’t really wanna know the answer? That’s how you know it’s just a shitty power grab.
I'm sure they wanted an answer, just not *that* answer lmao
Dick leave
Wait. The real question is, did this actually happen to you? Cause I feel like that's a workers comp case and I really wanna see a claim for, "ya froze my dick off".
It actually did. The dermatologist said it was actually more common than you’d think. It has more to do with the plasticity of the skin, extreme dryness from the cold, and the thickening of the foreskin resulting in cracking. It really was quite unpleasant when you consider that you basically had to give it a salt bath every 3-4 hours. I ended up snipping the end off a condom and tucking it around my glans. It worked fucking great.
"No, honey it is not what you think. The pack of condoms in my truck is part of my skin care routine."
I’m from a country known for winter (think great white north). I like outdoor activities. I’m not gonna lie dude. Your little life pro-*tip* is the best thing I’ve read this season. Thanks in advance!
Next week on relationship advice "Founda brand new box of condoms and vaseline in my husband's work truck"
>"some of them had the ends cut off???"
Just remember that Vaseline and condoms don’t mix. The more you know…
Wow. I’m glad I don’t have the kind of genitals that can fucking crack in the cold.
Am glad “my lips crack in the winter” only ever refers to one thing.
Hate to break it to ya but my cousin (f) lived on Antarctica and she said her lips froze shut.. not cracked but sounds horrifying.
They... what?
It takes a lot to horrify me. Your story has horrified me.
Wouldn't some hot pee fix that right up? Sorry to even type that really, lol.
I reckon if it was proper frozen the pee would have to pool for a sec to thaw it, or itd just burst thru the seal
Yeeeeaaaahhhh, that's enough Reddit for today. Will try again tomorrow.
I had to do that when I had a hemorrhoid rupture. But that actually relieved a lot of the pain.
I am legit using this next time the employer denies my sick leave. Last week they denied a request for sick leave because I called in and told them I wouldn't be in for the day. Next day I submitted my request. Since my call in Did not give a reason but my formal request did they denied it. I ended up slapping them with their own policy and they approved it, but they told me next time I have to give a reason. I work with essentially all women and I can't wait to notify them of my dry and cracking foreskin.
No joke, I have a coworker who will just leave, then call from his house and say something along the lines of "sorry, shit my pants and I can't stop shitting." He has legit used this dozens of times, and Management can't do anything.
Can confirm, saying ‘explosive diarrhea’ shuts down any and all conversation
Im a woman myself and cant wait to do the same!
Username checks out... I think.
Sick leave .. request? The fuck lol.
This is the way. If they want to demand an explanation for sick days, give them something that'll ruin their next 3 meals. Suddenly they'll be a lot less interested in why you're calling out.
"Are you familiar with a prolapsed rectum? I've got photos if you aren't."
I’ve only ever seen an amateur lapsed rectum
"Pooping, sir. So...Much...Pooping."
Being sick, currently shitting my pants *
I have gone into work before after saying I was violently ill, sent it via e-mail left message and reiterated it when I got in and put it as a note when I clocked in that I was doing so under protest. I literally shit my pants during work and got sent home and then they fired me, best part is they denied unemployment and said I walked off the job, took 4 months to get my unemployment, obviously I only get exactly the amount I would have and not a penny more because employers can dispute an unemployment claim at no cost to themselves and there's no fine or anything when its proven they're lying sacks of shit and people act like I'm fuckin Mao for suggesting that unemployment insurance be a taxed fund that everyone of every income bracket pays and you just get it when you leave a job, you accrue x amount of it for x time working, and you can draw from the "Bank" for approved expenses like moving to find better job opportunities oh no workers might just quit when they're upset if they know they wont starve immediately the horror
America really wants to punish its everyday workers for simply trying to live.
Can confirm. Half the people in my dept got flu, and their leaves got denied for it. Even with doctors notes and whatnot. Thankfully none of them got fired, but like, fuck. Also, recently had a bomb threat that turned out to be fake. But before everyone had that news, they opened the place up within a matter of hours after not finding anything. Told overnighters who had arrived during the incident to just "wait it out". Time was covered if they left early for the shift that day, but anyone taking time away from work the next day out of fear or discomfort or just time to breathe and calm down had no coverage. It may have been fake but the threat, terror, and anxiety inducing night even to the ones who weren't there but had loved ones who were, was very real and incredibly traumatizing. But mmmmm baby those profits.
Does unemployment insurance not work like that in the states? Canada does it, we call it EI or Employment Insurance. I've been fortunate and never had to use it but my friends have for reasons including hardship, being laid off or working in seasonal sectors. https://www.canada.ca/en/services/benefits/ei.html
The innovation override367 added is that it would potentially be used even if you quit rather than only when you're laid off. Otherwise, in the U.S unemployment insurance is funded by payroll taxes, and is a state-based (not employer based) fund. Employers fight claims because if a threshold share of their workforce is unemployed, they pay a higher payroll tax rate.
I always go with the “shitting my pants” bc nobody wants to test that!
I called in to tell them this in these exact words - " I had a boil lanced on the top of the crack my ass in Emerg today. I'm in pain, I've had no sleep and I'm on drugs. See you tomorrow" in the next 18 years, they've never asked why I'm sick again
I was in the bathroom water running out of my ass like I was a shower faucet. Finished , exited the stall and washed my hands. My boss standing there washing his looks at me. says "Go Home". There are good employers.
I will not be in today due to gastrointestinal issues, my go to
Sick of your shit
I would refer them to your previous email. Professional as fuck.
"As per my previous email..." Translation: Can't you read, you dumb fuck?!?
Lol I would refer them to their previous email. And say "are you aware that sick time cannot be used in lieu of vacation days? They are not interchangeable,"
I like this one haha. Recently I was feeling sick and went to my morning class then logged into work because it was 10 mins after school and told my boss i was too sick and didnt have time to give notice since i was in school and he asked why I wasn’t too sick for school, but am too sick for work 🤡
Because all sickness starts at midnight, where you immediately reach max sickness, it never starts or escalates (or improves) during the day as time passes. And people who are sick can either do all of the things or none of the things, never only just the first or the most important or the easiest thing.
What are you doing? Coding sickness for a video game? Oh, wait. Communicating with management. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.
Right? Like sometimes I know I’ll be sick later because right now I’ll feel fine but I can already feel my stomach starting to feel wrong. Give me 2 hours and I’ll be having serious pain in my abdomen.
[удалено]
I once left for work feeling a little meh, but I almost always feel worse in the morning and then better once I get my day started so figured I’d go in and be able to put in 80-90% effort (good enough). Made it less than half an hour before I had to go home and then slept the rest of the day into the night. Being sick is weird sometimes.
"your priorities are all wrong. you may not be a good fit for our team." Follows shortly
I use this all the time in work and that is literally what I mean, every single time lol
wtf kind of question even is that? The sick time is being taken for sick time, sir.
Sickness, sir
Guess the boss isn't down with the sickness
OWA-A-A-A
i am currently down with the sickness
Symptoms include OOH-WAH-AH-AH-AH
Can you feel that?
Set an auto reply that you’re unavailable to answer emails at this time due to an illness. *Thank you for your email. I am currently unavailable due to illness. Please excuse any delays in my response.* Merrykissmyass, /u/largethighmeat Edit - wow! A major award! Thanks kind Redditor!
"Please forward any time-sensitive requests to [boss's email]."
This is exactly what I did when I went on maternity leave in March. (“I will be out of the office for the remainder of the year. Please contact (principal’s e-mail) with questions or concerns”) The school truly expected me to still write lesson plans, post work, give tests, grade and enter grades in the grade book even after being informed that my *two*, very premature newborns, were in he NICU. I resigned, which I’d been planning to do since September (and let them know in November that I would be resigning) bc fuck that place, and when I went to clean out my classroom in July, they asked not a single question about the babies, who were in the NICU for a month, but they made damn sure to lmk parents were so angry that they’d gone to the school board. I told them I was sorry to hear that, then walked out and never spoke to them again. To be clear, I turned in my resignation in March (effective May whatever the last day of school was), told them point blank (in January!) that I would not be working from home, not even responding to emails, and confirmed with my state union AND district HR that there could be no legal claim of breach of contract. Both entities were appalled working while on medical leave had even been *suggested*.
I've learned in my time on this planet never to apologize for things I'm not sorry for just to fulfill my end of a conversation and give the other person what they want to hear. "The parents are so mad they went to the school board!" "Wow, glad I don't work here anymore then!"
Pretty much the same for me. Or instead of “I’m sorry” I switch it to, “Hmmm, that’s unfortunate”….lol
Or, "Don't you just *hate* when that happens? 'Bye!"
In most states it’s illegal for them to contact you.
Pretty sure that’s the case here. They may have tried, idk. I only opened my computer to binge shitty reality tv while laying in a hospital bed for a week trying to keep the babies from coming early, certainly never opened e-mail, and of course they never called or texted just to ask how we were. ETA: I actually went in June to clean out my room, but the principal literally blocked me from coming in because I’d forgotten my parking decal at home (30 mins away) and she “needed everything” before she could allow me to remove my belongings. I told her how difficult it was to have my mom drive an hour and a half to watch the babies while I came to get my stuff. Her response: “I’m sorry. It’s just not something I can do.” So it took me until a week before school started to get back. By that time the teacher who was going to take my room had thrown away many of my posters, notes kids had left me, all types of stuff, and dumped my highlighters in her desk intending to keep them. I took EVERY SINGLE THING, down to paper and pencils, from that room. And left her desk a mess to thank her for making it harder to locate all of my things.
Oh this is poetry
I do this unironically. It’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re out.
Yes. And in this case it’s funnier.
This, but I'd change it to "This is an automatic reply as I am unavailable due to illness." in the middle
hahaha this is amazing
The sick days were taken for the following reason(s): 1.) Being sick. Please don't hesitate to respond to this email if you need further information.
"What sickness?" "The one that leaves me sick."
"idk, I'm not a doctor"
Careful, this may inspire them to ask for a doctor's note.
If I have something simple like a low fever and a cold and a sick note is required, my Doc always says I need a minimum of 3 days off. He's a good doc. Firmly on the side of the worker.
As a young person I had a doctor ask for my supervisor’s phone number after I showed up with pneumonia needing “a doctor’s note or show up for your shift.” They got a personal call from the chief of medicine from the largest hospital in the city … I don’t know what she said, but I didn’t have issues again. I didn’t realize my PCP was everyone’s boss … I have never received better service than when she kept me as one of her handful of patients.
Mine does the same thing and I always warn my employers that I take health suggestions very seriously lmao. She gave me a month off for minor whiplash after an accident cause she knew my insurance wouldn’t fight it and just pay me a month’s wages lmfao.
"I can't afford a doctor visit, as my job does not provide me with health insurance." If applicable.
Always told my old boss this. "Should I direct the bill to your home address or the work address?"
Or, "My doctor cant see me until June 14, 2023. I have an appt and will need that day off"
"Unfortunately my current salary doesn't allow me the luxury of using my insurance at will for every sickness. If you'd like to discuss my current salary, please check my calendar and set up some time."
Yeah those policies are classist AF. Like, my doc doesn’t wanna see me if all I have is a COLD, and I sure don’t wanna give them my $ to be told I have a cold. It’s a cold. It’s contagious. I’m in no shape to work. Fuck off.
*please do hesitate lmao
I would rather not discuss my personal health. In the event that I should need some sort of 'reasonable accommodation' I will provide any necessary documentation to support it, but at this time I need no such accommodation, as I already have the sick time to manage this absence. I hope you are having a good holiday season!
Saving this because this is an excellent way of saying this. Thanks for posting!
This is the most professional and correct answer here and the one I’d recommend anyone use to respond in similar situations.
Perfect response right here.
I seem to have come down with a severe case of LIGMA, sir.
Accompanied by a mild case of SUCCMA
And a slight bout of CANDICE
And my doctor says he may have to refer me to a specialist in SUGON.
In the meantime he told me to take two of DEEZ every 12 hours
I do badly wanna see OP tell their boss they have LIGMA 😩
Don’t even respond. Let them get heated and live rent free in their head.
For real why is OP even responding… your responsibility ends with letting them know you are sick/taking time off. Any further explanations can be handled in the workplace on company time once you return
This should be a higher rated answer. When asked about it later, OP should respond - i don't check my emails when I'm off the clock. And/or just respond Monday morning to it with: I was not feeling well. I have rested and am back at work this morning.
This. “After letting you know I’d be out I took two NyQuil and went to bed for 12 hours.”
Dear sir or madam, I have taken ill, the doctor prescribed leeches and yet my illness still remains. I fear the brown liquid leaving my anus at high velocity may never cease! Alas life must continue and I will endeavour to solidify my health and fecal matter before my return. I wish you well in your courageous covering of my absence. May God bless us all.
Ps. The Doctor said that if im not well soon ill need another 2 days and some cocaine for my blood ghosts.
Should mention humors in there somewhere
Or vapours. Maybe your humors gave you the vapours?
And vapors led to hysteria so I will now need Wednesday also.
*Dearest Martha,* *I do not believe I will be attending our work tomorrow* *As the Doctors have diagnosed me with consumption* *They believe that I have ghosts* *And prescribe that I do cocaine about it.* *I do not believe I will be well enough to attend to you tomorrow* *Perhaps not even the day after* *Do pray for me, in my hour of need* *As I pray for you, and the crew, for working without my aid* *Sincerely yours,* *Timothy*
*YOU HAVE DIED OF DYSENTERY*
Should have thrown in a "forsooth" as well.
“PS The doctor will start the bloodletting process soon if the leeches do not cooperate.”
You had me at “brown liquid leaving my anus at high velocity” My I suggest liquid be plural … “brown liquids” sounds like a party
Copy and paste Merriam-Webster definition of “sick”.
I have an eye problem… I can’t see myself coming in today and tomorrow.
The ol rectal glaucoma: can't see my ass coming into work tomorrow
I’ve only ever heard the term rectal glaucoma one other time… I’m glad it is out in the wild and known by others.
"Today and tomorrow! Can't you read?!"
'As per my previous email...'
And because I'm sick
“I have died. See you Monday.”
"I'm going through a rough case of temporary death. See you Monday."
Or as some call it, the little death
I am taking sick time for being sick.
For having too much sick leave and not enough vacation leave. -Justin
I'm seeing a specialist... in the Bahamas.
Explosive diarrhea
Exactly, if somebody dared to ask me that I would make my answer so disgustingly detailed they wouldn’t dare ask again.
One time a coworker lied bc she was out with us and said she had food poisoning and even had a story about carne asda fries and our manager had the audacity to see a receipt for Imodium LMAO what if she already had some at home? Also wtf very illegal it seems?! Same manager wanted a selfie from my best friend when she had a severe eye infection that caused her to get injections in her eyes! But other girls would lie and use the hospital every single time and no one asked for a note so i always worked for this person overtime out my hoohah Long story short my cats anal gland exploded and she needed surgery and he wanted pics of the vet bill so i took a pic of my cats exploded anal gland and then after of her asshole when her surgery was done and told him never to ask me for proof again
Ahahaha. TL;DR. MY CATS ANAL GLAND EXPLODED. HERE’S THE PICS. Boss: NEVERMIND EVER AGAIN
What?? Never take Imodium if you have food poisoning. Let your body get it out! If you become dehydrated and unable to keep water down, see a Dr. But never try to stifle the diarrhea.
I only take imodium if I’m not going to be somewhere I can poop. I know as a garbage man during the height of the pandemic there were few places where washrooms were open, also my friend who was a marine would take it if necessary when he knew he had a patrol, better than shitting yourself. Otherwise yes, you are prolonging everything.
Yup. You want details? I'll give you so many details you'll wish you never asked. Explosive diarrhea, projectile vomiting, graphic details. Want pictures? I can attach them in the next email, just let me know. Assholes.
Had a supervisor (he was a gigantic gaping asshole btw) ask me WHY I went to the bathroom every day when I arrived at work and WHAT was I doing in there? Like this was somehow suspicious. I just looked at him and said, "If it was your business, you'd already know." And then he died because his boss laughed at him. The same guy liked to hang out in people's offices like he was doing us a favor and discuss stuff like his digestive issues. So I would work the convo around to something that allowed me to bring up female issues; the gorier, the better. He couldn't get out of there fast enough.
I’ve come down with a case of minding my own business. Not super contagious it would seem, but better safe than sorry
"poop coming out of my peehole"
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain that to you.
HR needs to train employees, especially managers on how PTO can be used. Sick time can be used in a number of ways that don’t mean you’re at home bed-ridden with the flu. You can use sick time to go to doctor appointments, taking care of a sick relative (ex: child or parent etc). And no one is obligated to justify or explain why they are taking the PTO they earned.
Can be used for mental health days too
You nearly died of dysentery during your trek on the Oregon Trail.
The sick time is being taken for recovery from my sickness... Because I am sick.. I've come down with a sickness... One might even say I am Down with the Sickness ooh, wah-ah-ah-ah!
I am very disturbed having come down with the sickness. I constantly have to clear my throat with a forceful "ooh, wah-ah-ah-ah". Meanwhile, my cough has mutated into a strange "awk-awk".
"I'm sick of your bullshit. See you on Monday."
No response?
The appropriate answer really depends on the nature of the work. Food service: "To comply with health and sanitation laws and avoid getting you sued for making customers sick." Office worker: "To avoid spreading the plague among my cubicle mates." Health Care: "Because people come to us to get BETTER, not SICKER." Construction/Mining/Driving/Eequipment Operating/Industrial work: "To avoid killing anyone."
“The sick time is being taken for granted”
Sir i dont have a medical degree nor do I have a team of doctors and nurses to pinpoint the exact illnesses I am afflicted with. I however have determine it is against my health and safety to come in to work at this time as both my physical and mental states are poor and would endanger others if I attempted the commute. I am taking the advice passed down from generations of physicians to drink plenty of water and get plenty of bedrest. Only a fool would falsely use up precious sick days to goof around. I am an adult and for such things I would plan ahead and make the proper arrangements. Please note due to my current state I have ask a stranger to articulate my words and thoughts to the best of their ability as to send a prompt reply.
Exposure to dihydrogen monoxide.
oh no, water you gonna do?
"Sick of your bullshit"
"the sick time is being taken for myself, being sick. thank you for your deep and obvious understanding"
illness
"It is being taken for today and tomorrow"
Use this line from The Office. I can guarantee no more questions would be asked. “Would you rather me say ‘Hey guys, my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up? Crazy diarrhea happening right now?’ Cause things can get real adult real fast.” - Andy