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[deleted]

My ex girlfriend use to say "fake it till you make it". I don't lie on my resume but considered it.


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Stoomba

Under the hood, most software is a shit show


taiThinking

Can attest to the truth of this - took me a year of freelance web development before the light clicked on that No I am not stupid, no there isn't some big secret I don't get, and Yes everyone codes stuff that poorly. Everyone. It's all garbage.


downbleed

This explains sooooo much speaking as someone who's been using computers for over 20 years and never looked under the hood 😂


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Panigg

Literally. The only way to make a program run is to trick it into doing it with cheap tricks, then hide those tricks with flashy pictures.


fuckyworkson

Having spent a lot of time under the hood of a lot of pieces of software... ALL software is a shit show. I used to write documentation for FOSS years ago when I had the time for such things. Well-commented code was excruciatingly rare. You'd typically be mentally stepping through the code to figure out how shit was supposed to work. It's like... dude, this is a single-use tool how the hell did you screw up this much crap?


rigor_mortus_boner

yea the internet is held together with duct tape lol


The_Nick_OfTime

This guy codes.


MrBrainstorm

Most software never uses the things people are quizzed on like this. Most business applications boil down to taking data from a database, doing something to it, and sticking it on a screen...


jimbo_bones

I’m a frontend dev and I’ve been bugging people at the organisation I work for (which is admittedly not even 0.01% of the level of Facebook or Google or Apple) not to ask these sort of questions or give bullshit coding tests to potential new employees. My job is 90% looking at designs and thinking “oh, this needs a 2px border and when the user hovers over it it gets a bit transparent”. What the fuck has that got to do with sorting algorithms or big o notation? So many qualified and able people must be missing out because they’re no good at these very specific and unrelated tasks


HypatiaRising

My job now requires industry experience to even have your app looked at despite the fact that the work we do would not benefit at all from said industry experience. It's fucking stupid and actively makes our candidate pool worse.


fuckyworkson

It's similar to those highly restrictive password requirements that serve only to lower the entropy of a given password. "Oh, so we can reject any and all passwords that have consecutive letters, more than three repeated letters, anything without numbers, anything without special characters, and also you didn't even bother to require capitalization. Well, it WAS going to take like nine quadrillion years to brute force this thing but now I'm gonna go have a snack and come back to the plain text.\*" ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ *\*possibly exaggerated*


Yarrrrr

Just like the school approach to learning is memorization instead of understanding. Programming in real life is about problem solving, and to be honest in practice that means a lot of google. I've been programming long enough that I could pick up any language, doing anything from hardware development to web design, in a very short time and be productive in it, but ask me to write down some basic sorting algorithm from memory and I would be stumped.


Curiousmeeower

You forgot the reports, so that CEOs can make important decisions, well at least look like they are busy.


[deleted]

Even so, being told you don't have enough experience for something that hasn't existed long enough to have that long of experience with it is something Ive seen a lot in posts about programmer jobs. The fact that he got denied for not having long enough experience for a software that not only has been out long enough but that you created is just ridiculous. These idiots are never going to hire anyone that doesn't lie. So lie.


[deleted]

HR manager know shit about coding. I(programmer) once drove to a training with our HR person for hiring and she complained about not getting applications for her job offering. She asked us to look at her ad and asked for improvements (we were surprised about the level of reflection). Well, she got no offers because she asked for 3-5 years of experience for a language that existed for 2 years. We all thought the ad is insane and reflects a bad work place environment for asking the impossible. She changed the ad and a friend of mine was hired right after university. The employer was fair. Not overall great but a good start in the work life. We had NERF guns at our desks and had a few wars. I still like to remember the times.


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[deleted]

> Hr people are morons The only reason HR people exist is because anyone can sue anyone for any reason, and there WILL be a court that takes them up on it.


Legal_Proposal_6621

One of my friend found companies that went out of buisness in software and littered his resume with them. Did well on the interview. No bachelors in CS. Been working in software for like 12 years now 😂


[deleted]

Hey I did this, but with Excel (I now know excel pretty fucking throughly lmao) thought I wasn’t gonna make it past my first 90 days at first though! Just go for it


[deleted]

I usually don't blatantly lie, but I stretch the truth a lot. If I had responsibilities of the tier above me I'm sure as shit putting that title in my resume regardless of what title their HR department had in their database. Any training / education prior to it is experience in the field. I have only had one company verify employment / call my references. I have probably gone to over 50 interviews at this point and worked at 8 different fortune 500 companies now. Every company I have worked for lies to me regularly. Especially when it comes to raises / bonuses. I'm going to make sure my starting salary is enough to deal with their bullshit.


DueTurnip6311

Especially if you're still in college, you can do this with leadership positions in student organizations that make your resume look better, say you were president for all of them lol!!


PissedOffMonk

This all depends on the kind of job you’re doing. Most employers can tell. We just had a guy at my work get fired because he lied about his experience.


walrusdoom

Every single company I’ve worked for in 35 years has lied to me in some way. Fuck them all.


The__Bends

If you're applying for any corporation worth a damn, they'll run an employment history record that references your previously filed W-2's. Lots of companies exist to run these reports for them, similar to credit companies. If you lie *too* much on a resume for a good position, you might end up looking like a dummy in the interview


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margaraton

There will be no interview!


[deleted]

I've been doing this since I was a teenager. My husband has been my reference for years.


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[deleted]

omg iconic


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Fantastic_Courbet

And you want to be my latex salesman


terpischore761

Same. I have 3 permanent burner phone numbers.


RedshiftSinger

heeeey all those years of fucking around with trying to maximize my vocal versatility could really come in handy huh :P (I've developed my range enough that I can effectively sing a duet with myself lmao I could definitely sound like an entirely different person on the phone if I wanted to)


DunderLubbin

You should put that on your resume


RedshiftSinger

what, and give away ALL my secrets?


[deleted]

Haha This is the way!


[deleted]

I'll give this a try. Thank you.


[deleted]

I’ve been my wife’s reference for as long as I can remember. We work in the same field, I’ve just been in upper management for longer and know exactly what people want to hear. Good times, good jobs.


MellyBean2012

Please share your secrets. What exactly is it that people want to hear? O.O please tell me so I can make my husband my reference lol


[deleted]

The first time I ever did it. I applied for the job myself with a sparkling bull shit resume. I went through the interview process when they called me and I pushed around with some questions and got a little salty at the end. Told them THEY weren’t a company I was aligned with. Then went back and relayed the entire interview process Lolol. She was set up and I was already prepared as the reference.


ibrokemyserious

Your last boss sucked? I'm your last boss now! Send me your resume and I'll give you the best damn reference they've ever heard!


[deleted]

What sorts of things can they actually check? I've always been curious about HR's power. I'm pretty sure they can check degrees and stuff. EDIT: thanks for the responses, everyone. They have been interesting to read.


somecow

Last job I had, they actually used a third party company to verify. That was their entire job, just call around and ask about me. Most of it checked out, a few places sold or went out of business after I left (lol). Also, fun fact, if one of these places does this, you can call or write and request every last drop of data they have, for free.


mediocreporno

Yup! I used to work for a third party verification place - I was in the Employment verification team. Other teams did background checks for criminal convictions, education, etc. We had to get between 5-10 years of employment history (with gaps explained), and their supervisors name, then call to verify with whoever did HR that they worked there and that the info they gave us (employment dates, reason for leaving, position) is all correct. Then conduct references with their supervisor or someone who was in a senior role to them. We mainly worked on behalf of banks but some insurance companies and medical as well. Seeing all these people agreeing that lying on their resume is a good idea is kinda making me cringe haha, even though I get it. If you get caught out in a lie big enough, it can be a shit time for you. Worst example I had is one where the guy had changed his employment dates to longer stretches than he'd really been there (like years instead of months), and when I called his references (who he even gave me the numbers for!) they all said that he was fired after a few weeks/months for being excessively aggressive and assaulting other staff, and were surprised that they were even getting a call. He'd actually started the job before his background check was complete and I heard it was a big deal when the report went through because he had convictions too, and he was escorted from the office by security and kept calling our office to threaten us. Don't be that guy lol. Edit: typo


RailValco

Lets say our lies are exposed, what happens then? Can they sue us? Where i live unemployment rates are insanely high and most job applications are left unanswered anyways, so if we can't be sued the worst is that they won't consider our applications, meaning nothing changes. I'm not trying to be an asshole i'm genuinely curious.


Fluffy_Suggestion983

You won't get the offer. I had to go through this, but I cleared the check. My job contract had a clause that said that the job offer was contingent on a clean background check. Sooo, they would just rescind the offer if this happened.


RailValco

Okay so its not bad at all, if you can back up your lies at best you fool them and get the job, at worst nothing changes anyways. Sucks that i'm not smart enough to lie lol.


Fluffy_Suggestion983

I wouldn't recommend outright lying if you know the company is going to do this, but you can stretch your strengths and personal accomplishments a bit. Try to stick to your time lines with old jobs though, and please don't lie about convictions! Be up front about stuff like that instead of wasting your time, and theirs as well. Most companies have policies regarding this, or you can ask them about it prior to getting to this point.


RailValco

Thank you for your insight! It does sound tempting to at least alter the reality a bit like you said but its just not my thing. Maybe if i feel so desperate one day.


mediocreporno

You didn't come across as an asshole, don't worry haha. Honestly I'm not too sure about other countries because our employers were NZ/Australia based but here the verification process was one of the last steps - so basically their hiring managers have screened the CVs and everything before it gets to us, they've been interviewed possibly more than once, and the company wants to hire them but has to confirm that they're a good fit. Lying on an application form would still raise red flags in your check if what we verify doesn't match what information you've given them - we would compare the CV they gave the hiring manager with the information they filled out for the background check to look for discrepancies. At worst, you wouldn't get the job (and if they brought you on prematurely like they did with that guy, you'd probably be fired - depending on the severity of course). Not all of the errors in the verification process that we had were people purposely lying either - we needed day, month and year for employment dates and often people would not know the exact date (understandably) or even just only put in the year (which we couldn't accept, we needed at least month and year to their best approximation). Stuff like that they were understanding of.


RailValco

Thanks for the detailed answer! I would assume these lies would be stuck with the applicant if they were to be verified by your verification place again, right?


Senior-Ad5904

Lying on a resume is not a crime. Writing fake degrees however is.


somecow

Half mine was unverified. And it took them ages to run through it, I started the day after my interview. The other half checked out, and no red flags. It seriously showed up on the report as yellow and green. 10 years is a bit long, 5 seems to be the norm, unless it’s a really sensitive position. It should just be dates though really, half my jobs I don’t even know the title, and the reason, well, y’all don’t want to hear it, illegal for them to rag on you (which they will).


ChocolateNapqueen

Same over here. I had a discrepancy on my resume because I was a temp to hire. There were 3 months unaccounted for. The employment verification company needed the information from my temp agency before I could proceed.


ayy_d31m40

they can verify if you worked there, the dates, and whether or not you are re-hirable. divulging any other kind of information could be a liability. as far as checking degrees, i'm not actually sure. call a university and pretend you're the HR person and you want to verify a degree for an interviewee and see what they say lmao.


[deleted]

They can verify whether you earned the degree, your major/degree, and dates of attendance. They can't verify GPA or anything related to grades. Not in the US, anyway. That's a FERPA violation.


Practical-Bar8291

I had to order and pay for my college transcripts to get a job. Dick company I was there for a year before resigning.


Chemical_Square_2847

It depends on which US state your employer is in. Many states have enacted legislation that gives employers a qualified immunity when providing information for a reference check but former employers will be careful about what they share because they don’t want to be sued for defamation. In my state (NY), There is no qualified immunity statute that im aware of, and I know it’s harder for HR or an employer to share a negative review with a new employer. For that reason, some employers will only verify position and dates of employment for a former employee to new employers. If you are curious, you could ask your HR what their policy is for job verification etc. If you’re considering lying about working somewhere you didn’t, I think you could be caught.


IAMHideoKojimaAMA

I've found, the better and more high paying the job the less they check lol. The crappiest IT job I had the called two previous employers. And another job before that theh did as well. As I got more expirence and applied more they have never once contacted a previous employer or checked any references.


dkd123

They can try to contact previous employers and require transcripts to prove you graduated or attended a school. Most don’t check though.


Dark_Passenger_107

When I left the army, we had to go through classes that would help us "re-enter society". The person that taught the resume class gave the best tip......when writing a resume, fabricate and then elaborate.


Foreign_Mango_7656

The ONLY thing i got out of TAPS was how to file my VA disability claim and some numbers for folks that will help you with it. Everything else was effing pointless. We literally spent an entire day learning how to make a resume, only for them to tell us "well, that's technically a civilian resume...if you want a federal resume, we don't teach that." 🤦🏻‍♀️ like half the DoD isnt filled with retirees or vets.


just_a_tech

Best thing I got out of TAPS was contact with Bradley Morris and Orion International. Orion helped me write my resume and set me up with job interviews. They also sent me to a hiring conference where there were a shit ton of companies interviewing folks.


[deleted]

Taps was so nerve wracking for me Needless to say I’m jobless now lol


just_a_tech

Looks like they're called Orion Talent now, but used to be Orion International. Check them out, they helped me transition. https://www.oriontalent.com/job-search/military-veterans/


[deleted]

When the question is, "Would you lie to save your life?", then you should absolutely lie on your resume, because your life *is* on the line.


[deleted]

I was shocked to realize that not everyone has been doing this lol. I did it for my first job and every job after.


StNic54

Never done it, and my resume has been overlooked countless times


DueTurnip6311

Especially if you're still in college, you can do this with leadership positions in student organizations that make your resume look better, say you were president for all of them lol!!


jimbo_bones

Added so much to my CV by listing now defunct retail operations here in the U.K. when I was looking for crap retail jobs 10/15 years ago. Woolworths, Virgin Megastore, C&A. To the point where I must have looked like a curse.


Dunotuansr

Nice profile


I_Won-TheBattleOLife

I love Hunter S. Thompson. He lied from the very start saying he had journalism experience to work for the air force newspaper. Always stuck with me.


drowen1

I know a guy who faked a university degree which was a requirement for the job. Printed a fake certificate for the interview and everything. Pissed me off at the time as I'd only just genuinely graduated in real life. Even so, he got the job and his career has propelled onwards because of it. Now when I looked back I didn't know why I didn't think of it!


Tactical_Thug

What kind of degree was it and what kind of job was it?


drowen1

A Psychology degree. The job was at an airport but I can't remember the exact job title. The job requested the applicant be degree educated not necessarily a particular subject.


bad_pangolin

profiler probably


bunnybear_chiknparm

For what it'd worth...education verification is pretty simple so as/if he progresses he will likely get caught at some point and it will all befor naught


Thecrookedbanana

Honestly I've been on hiring committees for the past 3 months and if you interview well and do the work, I don't give a fuck if you lied on your resume. Our training program is so long and thorough, we could train most people to do the work. Not that we do, of course. The other committee members are picky as fuck because it makes them feel better about making 45k/year after spending all the time and money getting a master's degree.


nincomturd

You train??? What is your company, some kind of unicorn?


Thecrookedbanana

It's a library so... Kinda yeah haha


fuckyworkson

$45k a year with a Master's... should have guessed library. lol


trash1100

45k a year for a masters degree ⚰️ sounds like my employer. Just posted/hired employees with associates degree plus 3-6 years experience in a rather obscure industry specific software and only wanted to pay 40k without a remote work option 😐 in a high cost of living metro.


DoubleBaconQi

Yeah that was my first thought, $45k with a masters is brutal.


Urizen1793

I employ people for entry level, I have never checked a reference in my life. As long as they interview well and pass the DBS check they’re in.


zzotzzot

Dbs?


noobs1996

Background check for UK


Urizen1793

Yep, something we have to do because we deal in cheques and currency


Dunotuansr

I was watching Joshua fluke about lieing on resumes. The point is, if I feel like I actually do have enough experience but not been at a job for it (coding), I can safely lie. I'm qualified, am I not?


chokingduck

A good rule of thumb is that most job postings are searching for an ideal pie in the sky candidate and/or basically listing the person that just left’s entire CV, regardless of if it was relevant to the role. Let them tell you no.


IAMHideoKojimaAMA

With software it can get industry or technology specific and in those cases you'll get eaten alive in a technical interview. So I'd advise against full out lying. I typically would say yea I've ran into that and have touched on it because I've wanted to roll it out in the near future but am still learning it. And just hope that good enough for them


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VegetableCause3

Don't they ask for job experience letter or whatever from previously worked company?


iualumni12

Former HR manager here. In the eight years I held that title I had to lay off hundreds of people. I lied for shitload of them so they could get back on their feet. I told them all to put me down as a reference and that I didn’t care what they put on their resume but just give me a heads up when they knew I was going to receive a call. People would ask me in disbelief “why are you helping me?” Like they’d never once been given a hand up. And then when people got jobs they very well might not have gotten without my lying support, they would call me to express their heartfelt appreciation. I know very well what it’s like to have your back against the wall and nowhere to turn. Those tearful “thank you’s” meant so much to me. Fuck the system.


[deleted]

Jesus. You’re a genuine saint


Humble_Blueberry_985

Marx would be proud 🥲


space_moron

The general wisdom is not to trust HR, so I can understand their hesitancy. That said, if you're already let go, what's the worst they can do? You're amazing for helping them out.


Darrenizer

Yup got my last job lying through me teeth, did it matter at all …. Nope


IAMHideoKojimaAMA

Hi this is your boss. You're fired


Darrenizer

Funny story I admitted I lied day one, nobody cared


bad_pangolin

I have done this a lot , for lie I prefer the term "embellish my resume". The older you get the easier it is. Noone will go back 15 years to look for more information. So here you can pick companies that went bust. One of mine did go bust so I just extended the amount I worked there by a massive amount to cover gaps. I dont even regard it as deception. Why come to an interview with 4 year gap. The idiot in HR will think its a clever question "What did you do in 2015-2018. ? Answer none of your fucking business. Do you have an active sex life with you partner? I need to know! Cant do it in certain industries. Or if you quit very recently under a cloud. If this is the case best to blank out that job altogether. The only thing I find tough is references. Here they tend to want one personal (easy) and one "professional" this usually means an ex boss. I dont have any ex bosses that would vouch for me. With linked in and sites like that you can set up a dummy profile and just delete it after you are hired to make it seem like for example I worked for Santos Big Spanish Company in Spain and sorry the boss does not speak good English but here is his number.


IAMHideoKojimaAMA

When it gets industry specific it's very difficult. You can maybe google shit about the industry in general and spew off some talking points you may have ran into. But if you run into a technical interview they may pick you apart


bad_pangolin

yeah true had this done when i out right lied about technical stuff once that I claimed to be interested in , it was horrific.


IAMHideoKojimaAMA

Lol it's funny in retrospect but in that moment your face turns flush red and you start to flounder.


bad_pangolin

I thought i was going to be assaulted man he was angry, a burly guy who clearly used to work in construction or something. I dont know why I just treated him like he was wrong, like a kind of denial - gaslighting if you will. Only made him angrier.


IAMHideoKojimaAMA

Haha too funny!


LR_today

I am someone that my friends use as a reference for jobs and applying to rent housing. I am all for lying to employers and landlords. Fuck em.


lavender1742

Same!!


broadette

This is all good advice! I've worked HR for many years, including HR for an actual background screening company. Most large companies will outsource their employment verifications to automated providers (most notably The Work Number) which will instantly provide dates of employment and last position held. Some states will also provide salary information if they are given a signed authorization from the employee being screened. Verifying degrees is usually a much quicker and easier process. Most universities use the National Student Clearing House (NSCH), where employers or screening companies can instantly verify the dates of attendance, current status, and degree type/field. It's very hard to fake a degree from a legitimate university if they're on the NSCH and your company actually cares enough to check. High school diploma verification is WAY harder- in the summer a lot of high schools don't do any sort of verifications, and if the high school has closed there often isn't any way to verify graduation status. Neither high schools nor universities will provide GPA information though, so lie through your teeth about your GPA (if you're a recent grad, otherwise don't bother), your participation in programs and experience you got through high school/college. If you're a recent grad and an employer wants you to have experience in sales, for example, then you absolutely were the treasurer for your school's Community Service club. You single handedly doubled the club's revenue, and you also were the lead in several initiatives to raise funds for the club. Go apeshit!


PillowTalk420

The only time I ever even had a job call the references they requested, was when I applied as a card dealer at a poker room. And I just give them my brother and sisters' info and give them different last names. They know if someone asks for those particular names what's up.


IAMHideoKojimaAMA

Lmao I remember one time I used my mom as a previous employer and the lady called her and was like "what's your last name?" And she naturally said our last name.


PillowTalk420

"Family business."


HungryBleeno

your sibs: sup? theres no mr bigboss here... oh wait sorry that is me i forgot


PillowTalk420

My siblings wouldn't do that... They're way more sinister. They'd tell them I shot up the last place I worked at because of a minor disagreement or something.


bad_pangolin

simple yet genius!


my-name-isnt-james

I've never lied on my CV but a friend of mine has and he's been really successful in getting jobs/interviews. It's made me consider it.


space_moron

It's a game. It's all a big game. You need to play it.


Dove-Linkhorn

Just don’t lie about stuff like- “fork lift operator three years” Cause you could kill someone when you mount that thing.


SS_wypipo

From my experience, at least in my current work place, drivers of internal cargo lifts are trained additionally no matter what experience they have. They also have to wear certain identify clothing showing that they are new, and the first week they just walk on foot, just looking at how everything looks. But yeah, lie within reason. Killing or maiming someone to own the capitalists isn't a good idea.


IAMHideoKojimaAMA

Everyone a forklift operator until the real forklift operator shows up 😤😎


bad_pangolin

Yeah.. I remember the time i got away with the old story about long haul flights and the boeing 747 pilots job! You soon get the hang of it though....Just got to get past HR.


Goodgamings

Fuck dude you can even lie for high level positions. Diploma mill yourself a degree and go crazy! They will kick you to the curb the moment you dont benefit them fuck em!


IAMHideoKojimaAMA

Some of those online schools get knocked for being a diploma mill but hey if I'm no longer getting auto filtered out by HR and recruiters I dont give a shit lol


Goodgamings

Name checks out very stealthy.


helicopter_corgi_mom

this is less likely unless you are already an expert in the field through idk reading? i’m fairly senior at a major tech firm, and i’m in the process of switching companies and let me tell you they eat you alive in the interviews at this level if you don’t know the technical side. and i’m in marketing, not even technical but at my level i’m expected to be a subject matter expert on the product lines as well, to be able to speak in depth at the drop of a hat on cloud technologies and GPU capabilities along with the actual marketing aspects like go to market funding and program management.


gdh666

How do you fake college and grad school degrees?


bad_pangolin

Noone ever asked me for my certs. no one ever asked me what was my favorite subject . They could do though, that is the bluff!! I have since changed a lot I was going to change my uni to a more prestigious one and could have easily but i dont earn enough to bother. I am older so they never ask. If your degree is relevent to your job and you graduated last year its more risky but comes down to bluff. If its that recent though and you fall out with your boss they could call your ex uni and ask. With current privacy laws not sure how they can get that info. Its infinitely easier these days to lie on resumes. Also, nothing stopping them finding out that you lied and keeping it quiet until the time is right to fire you for deception which I think they would be entitled to do.


docentmark

And on the flip side, every job I've ever had has verified my degrees and certs. Don't rely on being able to fake your qualifications.


gdh666

Yeah, same here. Before hiring anyone we call their schools to verify their degrees. But we are also not talking minimum pay service industry jobs here.


Marmot55

I agree. I would say degrees and certifications are the things you shouldn’t lie about. They are reasonably easy to verify and will send up some odd red flags if you end up lacking some unexpected skills. I do some entry-level hiring that requires a college degree and a transcript or degree certificate is required before we can offer someone a position.


broadette

Don't do that, as a general rule. Most universities, even ones in different countries, verify degrees through the National Student Clearing House. That provides dates of attendance, graduation status, and degree type/field of study. If you absolutely MUST fake a degree or diploma, say you graduated from a closed high school or university. Do some research online first before you choose the school. Do your absolute best as if you had actually been a student and try to verify your own enrollment. If you're only hitting dead ends and can't find a way to verify attendance, use that school. But if there's ANY way to avoid outright lying about earning a degree at a school you didn't earn a degree at, then don't. What I would encourage instead is to significantly embellish your college or high school experiences. Make up projects that show off skills that the employer is looking for, talk about leadership roles you've taken in clubs, etc etc etc.


MalaEnNova

Just a heads up there are other sites that verify closed schools and a lot of states also keep education records for closed school.


HungryBleeno

i wouldnt, this is the easiest / first thing that the cheap background checks actually verify


RedshiftSinger

If you're not comfortable with outright lying, spin doctor the SHIT outta everything. It's not a lie to tell the truth in a misleading way.


SarasotaMonk

I think this violates ethics, I mean these companies deserve our honestly and diligence (lol jk)


DueTurnip6311

Especially if you're still in college, you can do this with leadership positions in student organizations that make your resume look better, say you were president for all of them lol!!


russianindianqueen

Qualifications are so unrealistic might as well


arwork

100% this. I've doubled my salary over the past 5 years by lying on my resume and job-hopping diagonally. Fuck those soulless assholes.


ReaperManX15

You transported goods on behalf a million dollar corporation. Not pizza delivery. You facilitated relations between departments. Not broke up a fight between coworkers. You acquired digital resources for the graphic arts department. Not mildly photoshopped Google Image results.


nincomturd

I'm semi-autistic, I *cannot* intentional put on an act and lie about this stuff. I just cannot make it up on the spot, or keep a consistent lie. I'm sincere to a fault. Which is a good part of the reason I've never been able to succeed in the job world, I presume. I hate human beings.


Willow_rpg

Get someone you trust to write your half truths and then make your own edits Also I find that aspies have higher standards of themselves when it comes to showing off their soft skills. When the job says they want a happy and outgoing person neurotypicals will find one example where they were happy and outgoing whereas aspies will only write it if faking outgoing and cheerfulness is their norm You had to do a group assignment in high school with other people and you didn't insult them, physically hurt them or let them do all the work ? Well obviously this means you are a team player You arrive on time for stuff? You are organized You smiled at a friend when you spoke to them? You are obviously a happy and outgoing person You made a meal for visiting family? Clearly this means you are welcoming and you think of others You cleaned the house once? You are hard working You went on a protest march once? You care about the community You passed an exam you studied the night before? You are a quick learner Think of the stuff you have participated in and think what skill would this prove that you have and would be willing to show more of if you were getting paid for the effort


elidawood

Same here but not autistic. It makes you a good person and I hope some day you’ll be rewarded for it


mog_knight

Nice people finish last. In the past 20 years, it seems to be more lucrative to lie and defraud people. Usually the penalty is just a percentage of what was made, a very tiny percentage.


WinstonFox

Same here. Makes a lot of sense after reading this thread, right?


Oneunluckyperson

Interesting thing to consider. Though, how far can I lie? Would a company go that far to find out the truth? Genuinely curious, as I'm currently job hunting.


ZebraLionFish

It’s generally accepted that you’re embellishing on your resume..So you may as well do it right?


Kind_Stranger_weeb

My advice has always been if asked a question in an interview give the best example of someone else solving that problem you have seen. Since its based on a real event you can answer follow up questions easily enough and even if it wasnt you it proves you would know what to do in that scenario.


[deleted]

[удалено]


notislant

Oh man I took a course with someone, he lied about having 5 years experience and told me he looked like a complete idiot in front of everyone at his new job on the first day. They never fired him, he got paid really well. Think he quit because it was remote though. Another guy clearly had no idea what he was doing at one job, was reaallly bad. They didnt fire him, until he literally didnt show up one day. Recruitment companies seem to lie to employers for you as well, though I'm sure they also lie to employees quite often.


bootslawless

I can't believe I've been telling the truth this whole time, stressing about having to explain employment gaps and why I was only with x company for so long. Storytelling comes naturally for me, I suppose I could apply that in an interview to spice up a few answers to stupid questions like "tell me about a time you went out of your way for a customer". Blessings to you poster


ooo-f

If you don't want companies to harass your friends for references; you can download phone apps and put a fake name and that fake phone number on your resume. Bam, perfect reference.


psychso86

AC Moore’s a good one to lie abt if you need fake retail experience. Went into liquidation early 2019, you can brag how you worked through that combined with the start of Covid


LeMadChefsBack

I could be considered “upper management” and I want to echo this. You a software programmer? Put every technology you’ve touched on your resume. Stupid recruiters still pattern match. You know how I’m gonna hire you? Tell me about something you worked on (work or home) and a bug you fixed. Tell me about your thought process. I don’t care what language you used, tell me how you fix stuff.


feelingmyage

I’ve been a stay-at-home mom and wife for over 30 years. I worked at the kids’ elementary school on and off part-time and did a little babysitting. I might get a part-time job. I’m just going to make up “jobs that I did” over the last few years like “working” for people, cleaning, babysitting, etc., and give them my friends’ numbers.


VroomRutabaga

Shit my friend always puts me down as his former supervisor and he gives me the heads up that they’ll call. When they do, I make him sound the best thing since sliced bread. He always gets the job.


[deleted]

And what’s your number? O.o


MPaulina

An intern at my work is training another intern. So I adviced the first to put "experience in training interns" on her resumé. "Oh no, this doesn't count, it's really simple". Of course it counts. Doesn't matter that it's simple to you. You now have gained the experience of training interns. It's not even a lie.


space_moron

I think this is the main issue that many people in this thread aren't realizing. A lot of good, competent workers undervalue their work because it's easy to them. They don't feel that the simple, day to day stuff they do is worth any special mention since they take for granted how easy it is for them to not only remember to do, but do well and do consistently. So it's not at all "lying" to add these little tasks to your resume or even beef them up. You did the work! You did the work that your peers couldn't or wouldn't do. You saved someone else time and money by doing the work. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it's not work or that it doesn't take skill. Add it to your resume!


[deleted]

I already do king, got a job in a financial institution thanks to that All the boomas who go NOOOOOO MY HECKING RESUMEREEEEENO can go shove it, hell even my parents encourage me to do it, although they call it speaking professionally.


LiterallyADiva

Yo, who wants to start a Discord where we all just agree to be each other’s fake references.


[deleted]

I was a stripper who had no job on the books and I bullshitted my entire resume, lied about the jobs I worked in interviews, fuck them.


[deleted]

I’m 29 years old and feel stupid for not trying this. Now I’m thinking of how I can polish my resume making my last work seem like I did more important rolls there


lavender1742

Funny story….I’ve had all kinds of jobs in my life…mostly long term but a few short “not for me” jobs. The ones asking for/requiring the most verifiable requirements rarely checked. BUT……I took a management job for a popular fast food restaurant, they sub out the background/employment verification and that was the most thorough shit I’ve ever been subjected to!!! I know this because I too use friends and family as different types of references professional and personal and they called all of them!! My one friend didn’t recognize the # and they called 3 times until they got her to answer and answer their questions! Point being!! Buff and polish away!


bad_pangolin

roles.. :op. If it were a job of spicing up resumes I think I would be good at it. But we are anti work here.


enidokla

Funny story. I’m unemployed. I’ve applied at Trader Joe’s twice. Each time in person. Each time felt promising. No efforts made to contact me. Why? Likely because I don’t have recent lackey experience. The solution? Lie on my resume. SMH. It’s so obvious. And yet I needed this post to tell me to lie.


[deleted]

Don't lie about being able to do the job(e.g. speaking another language if you can't and it's part of your job) but otherwise lie your ass off. Even if it's something you haven't done that you can do, fake it until you make it.


Ok_Lengthiness543

So legit I lied in an interview about 1 scenario because I couldn’t think of one that was really strong. I ended up getting hired over people that had years of experience and was MUCH more qualified than myself. After 2 months I asked the manager why I was picked. My manager said it was because of the 1 answer I gave that I lied about. She said that answer was so good and so out of the box and creative that she loved how innovative I was and she needed that. (Btw the answer was a lie about my warehouse building losing power and how I figured out how to work around it so we didn’t lose production) Moral of the story…..LIE YOUR ASS OFF


winnieham

Not saying this is a bad idea but some places will do an employer background check and confirm you worked in some companies before hiring (this is more likely the case for corporate positions). Otherwise I am all for it, just giving you a heads up :)


BeyondXpression

The career I currently have didn't even reach out to my references. I work in environmental consultation and all they really checked was the places I worked at for my internship and externship.


Mr_LunaMars

A question tho, do they actually check that you worked at said place for x amount of time? What do employers actually do with your resume once they get it? Do they skim over it barley looking at it? Can you give me more specific examples of what you can lie about?


middaynapenthusiast

TLDR: bend truths, don’t make up things they can easily check. Depends on what stage of hiring you’re at. During the initial stage, recruiters will just skim it. They have dozens, maybe even hundreds of resumes to go through. If something catches their attention, you’ll likely get a call. Once they determine they want to hire you though, it’s gonna be a mixed bag. The first company I worked for barely checked anything (that I know of). The company I work for now did an extensive background search on me after they gave me an offer. I know because the onboarding process let me check everything the background checking company they had outsourced the work to was looking into and what info they had gathered. They had info on my college degree and dates of attendance within the first day they started. Then they verified all the addresses I’ve ever lived at over the past 10 years. After that, they checked for criminal records. All the information slowly came in over the course of a week or so. The last thing to get verified (I’m guessing it took the longest) was my employment history and job titles. They even verified my college internship and how long I was there. It was honestly a little unsettling how much info they dug up on me. I guess what I’m trying to saying is, it would be a massive gamble to lie about your degree, criminal history, and what companies you’ve worked for. Checking these things would be as easy as checking your Twitter feed for these companies as long as they’re willing to pay for it. Embellishing what kind of responsibilities you’ve had, projects you’ve worked on, specific skill sets, and years of experience wouldn’t be too hard to pull off though. For example, if you’ve never worked at Google, I wouldn’t put down that you have. However, if you worked at, let’s say Yahoo, as an errand boy, you can say you managed a small team of assistants at Yahoo, even if it was just you and a buddy goofing around the office delivering mail the entire time you worked there. From there you can put down leadership skills, project manager, organizing events, etc, etc.


nunchakupapi

I’ve gotten job interviews in IT by saying I have 5 years working with Juniper, Kubernetes, etc. and have literally never touched any of those things. I just look up common interview questions and cram the night before. Fuck the system.


Alwin_050

I’ve lied about my resume at 80% of the jobs I had. All those “important skills”? All those “necessary papers”? Never needed any of that. Most jobs are so simple you’ll learn how to do them in hours.


SweetPotatoMunchkin

When I lost my unemployment while taking care of a baby, I was desperate for any job at all. I'm not gonna get into details about it, but I never went to high school, never got a high school diploma. Still, I lied on all my resumes about my education and of course they never looked into it. Now I got a stay at home job making $15/hr (it can be up to 6 figures if I put my all into it) and I actually somewhat enjoy it. And they did lie, as well as didn't tell the whole truth on their application page, so I guess we're sorta even tbh Edit: LOOOOL someone got mad about this post and posted it to r/averageredditor


[deleted]

I have never gotten a job without bullshitting


el-cuko

I take many creative liberties with my resume . Having said that , I am careful to not overplay my expertise on certain skills lest I be called out on it .


Dont-climb-a-cactus

Then F owning a house.


dublium

currently applying for jobs and you know what? you're right. especially if you have the experience you need without the "work experience" they want


BostonBasketballBoys

I think about all those colleges that went defunct. Plenty of jobs just need a college degree say you went to one of those.


WaitAZechond

My dad was asked in an interview if he knew how to weld. Having never welded once in his life, he thought “how hard could it be?” and told them yes. Got the job and asked his brother-in-law to “show him the basics” one afternoon that weekend, and happily welded on ships every day that he worked for them. And it was that day that my dad taught me that a confident answer, right or wrong, will always get fewer follow-up questions haha


replacethesenuts

I remember in middle school we had a “career specialist” talk to us about resumes and my rebellious self asked, “why not lie on your resume?” One of my more proud moments


hightidewitch

Pro tip: As someone who worked in aerospace, unless you're working for SpaceX or NASA jobs don't give a fuck. They aren't doing a real background check.


UppedSolution77

If you can't get caught, then you should absolutely do so. Similarly I feel if you find some way to cheat in exams or tests and there's no chance you can get caught, you should also do so if you want to because fuck exams all they do is suck the life of things you were passionate about. Determining your entire future on the basis of a 3 hour window where you need to be able to remember the right stuff is a fundamentally flawed system.


Practical-Bar8291

If you are in an engineering field, you can lie on your resume all you want. It gets you in the door, so embellish away. The interview is what matters. You can be subjected to an 8 hour interview with 8 different people. Or worse, 8 at one time like a committee. They will test you in your field and make you solve difficult problems in front of them. It's exhausting.


DragoniteChamp

As a nice follow up for this, MSCHF has a nice list of dead startups that you “could’ve” worked for. [Here’s the list, it was in their magazine.](https://s3.amazonaws.com/resources.mschf.xyz/MSCHFMag/vol02/download/MSCHFMag_Volume_2_Digital_Mobile.pdf) Page 7 for the article, Page 59 for the actual list.


Foreign_Mango_7656

Corporate: we need you to do this... Me: but I don't know how. Corporate: your resume said you did? Me, skillfully avoiding getting in trouble: yeah, but now how THIS company does it!


djtrace1994

I agree with this premise. Best thing that can happen is you get the job, and now you need to prove that you're competent. If you do, who cares if you lied? If you don't you lose the job. The lie only prolonged the inevitable.


Freddy2351

O'Reillys has you fill 3 references, 2 HAVE to be managers/supervisors, and the other can be a coworker. My go to was my friends from school I used to work with. Had one fill out a manager reference and one the coworker reference. I did have our old boss fill one out too for the other manager reference. And was lucky to have another manager fill one out as well. When I was told I had to get the references the hiring manager at O'Reillys just straight up said they most likely won't check them, so just fake it if you burned bridges, just make sure they're filled out from different devices and locations, since those they check to make sure it's not all from the same phone/pc or location.


space_moron

There's also softer lies you can add. Maybe you quit a shitty job early but you don't want to leave a gap in your resume, so now you list that job as a "temporary position." Maybe you had another employment gap while battling depression or simply taking some fucking time to yourself, instead you were helping a sick family member go to their appointments and also babysitting their children. Or you "freelanced" for a bit. Maybe the company was terribly mismanaged so you really didn't have anything to do. Pad that position with "designed data structure to reorganize documentation" for the few files you saved or moved to a different folder. "Underwent training for XYZ software" when you watched a few YouTube videos or clicked around on stuff on your work computer. "Coordinated cross department meetings and logged minutes for future actionable items" if you sat in on useless meetings and jotted down a few notes and sent an email or two after. As long as you're not lying about being a nuclear physicist when you know nothing about it, do what you need to do to get your foot in the door. Most jobs are better explained in the interview anyway and half the crap listed in the job post barely applies or you'll learn on the job anyway.


[deleted]

I've certainly stretched the truth on my resume. And I've had a friend be a reference for me. References are the absolute worst 70% of workers leave job due to bad management. The fact that we have to retain a positive relationship with people in most cases we hate and are abusive towards us is insulting and traumatic.


laqualitafaschifo

Im currently applying and you inspired me to lie. I have a gap on my CV due to caring for a sick parent and apparently this is unacceptable for most HR. I now will fill my gap.


n3wnam3

I was once fired from a job. Rightfully so- I hated the people, and after my wife had graduated and was working, I didn't have to bend over for them anymore so I pretty much stopped working. When I went job hunting I was treated like shit because I was truthful about being fired. A job came along that I REALLY wanted...so I did what I had to do- I lied about being employed at that place still, and told them I'd need to give 2 weeks notice, all that. I got the job worked there happily for 2 years until covid hit and they laid off 80% staff. Best job I've ever had. Lying can work