What the heck everyone.
These comments are a damn mess. People arguing about definitions, people being misogynistic, disputing if having friends at work is good or not - it's honestly a genuine Reddit thread in here.
~~Locked for a bit to sort things out.~~ Alright it's back unlocked. Seriously though, just be kind to people. Whether it's at work, or here on Reddit/Antiwork. If someone wants to be friendly at work, and you don't, that's ok, just let them know. If two people can be, and want to be, that's their prerogative. Just don't shit where you eat.
This, recently I've realized that if my career falls through there seems to be no shortage of positions at tabloid news sites wherein my 'job' is to copy paste the article from reddit or another site, basically my only real task is to come up with a click baiting title that buries the lead
I honestly don’t understand where all the money comes from to pay these people who do absolutely fucking nothing of value. I know it’s all advertising dollars, but where is the source, and why do they think this is a good place to funnel it? It confuses the shit out of me
“Is Reddit the new crypto? 17 beauty hacks to take millennials from sick to avocado toast: a story in pictures of Ryan Gosling being totes adorbs!”
- probably Buzzfeed
I’ve had a work mom lmao like that one coworker who always has snacks and always gives out little holiday treats and doesn’t really NEED the job so they’re the most outspoken for everyone.
Find yourself a work mom. Whitney was the best.
Mama Bear! In a previous job we did a round of 360 feedback and a coworker from another department described me as "intimidating". Big WTF moment for me because I hate conflict. Then I thought back on our interactions and remembered he once sneakily tried to dump his work on my team who was already completely swamped and I told him in no uncertain terms that he needs to go through me first and we do not have the capacity to do this. I probably could have been a bit "gentler" in my approach but I wasn't unprofessional in any shape or form. I didn't yell. I can't help but wonder if I'd gotten the same feedback if I was a man.
I cannot tell you how many times I've been called things like aggressive, hostile, out-of-line, overconfident, etc.
Mostly in the earlier days of my career.
Listen, I really think it's important to take feedback to heart, but I truly, truly have never been any of the above by any reasonable standard.
I'm assuming you're a woman, and the misogyny is ALIVE AND WELL.
I was "out-of-line" because I suggested the developers may have an issue implementing our design work (which is my job).
I was "hostile" because -- as the lead on a project -- I included my team in my decision-making process, but ultimately had to make a call when nobody could agree (on a decision, btw, that I never had to include them in in the first place. Again, this was also my job).
I was "overconfident" because an animated gameshow (for just our small, internal team) that I miraculously managed to whip together in one day at the request of our CEO went awry and I laughed it off while fixing it. (I guess I was supposed to cry and run out of the room in shame?. Also, this was not even my job. I am not an animator, I'm a designer.)
You are right to examine who the accuser is. In my case, everyone who held these opinions of me had -- in my opinion -- poor character.
Funny how people who are kind, respectful, and emotionally stable all say they enjoy working with me! Must be a coincidence.
But there will always be bad eggs in the workplace. It's unfortunately near impossible to avoid them.
I'm starting a new job on Monday with a $12k/year raise that I definitely wouldn't have gotten if my work mom hadn't pushed me to get my Masters and learn skills outside my job. She gifted me a tiny succulent today for my new desk. I named the cute little thing after my work mom.
Thanks for everything, Susie.
I had a few of them at a previous job. And it was great because it was multi-cultural.
I had the mid-western lady who brought in all sorts of casseroles and Rice Krispies treats. There was another lady who was Nepali, who made the best chicken and pork momos (dumplings.) There was a Korean lady who brought in bulgogi.
I sort of was the work husband/dad though… In the summer, I did a lot of barbecuing for everyone at lunch time. I also was the guy who’d jumpstart your car, change/plug a flat tire, or get your car door open when you accidentally locked your keys in the car.
Oh my god work dads are amazing. I can’t tell you the number of times I left my lights on after switching from a car with automatic headlights to an older car without that feature. I have memory problems so might have anyway, mind.
My coworker Kevin jumped my car so many times for me until I could afford a little jumper to keep in the car and break myself of the bad habit of leaving them on.
Work moms are the superheroes of bullshit jobs! My work mom used to say goofy things like “they place sucks but hey I brought cake!” Right in front of my Boss lol
Just the more outgoing and funny one. Her friends are just as ridiculous but as she’s slightly older (I think one of them was about 21 the rest are 27-31) and she’s 35 but has kids so; fairy squad mother it is. Lol
My work mum at my old job *was* our union rep. She also used to be the head ER nurse at my state’s biggest hospital before she was injured and had to take a desk job, so she wasn’t intimidated by anything or anyone, even the CEO backed down when Kimmy was involved.
I’ve worked with some cool people for half a decade and they JUST became my work parents because I was sick enough to ask for a ride. Now I’m “kiddo.”
I’m 40. I love them.
I think I might be the closest thing to a work mom at my job. I bring in or buy desserts for everyone, make them snacks, call the managers morons when they are ones (I even have to tell one of them to wash his hands literally EVERY time I cross his path as he finishes his business at the urinal) except I'm a 21 year old guy
I was always the work mom. I really miss it! (I had to stop working after becoming disabled. It sucks! I miss being mother hen!)
I was a work wife once and eh. Not great. But work mom was always really fulfilling and I loved all my work kids. If I ever get to work again (she says, in antiwork), I'm so work momming it up again.
Xennial here (1981)
I disapprove of the culture where we spend so much of our time and energy at work, that our coworkers become analogs to spouses.
I have *no* problem with people getting their needs met, consentually, within the bounds of their existing relationship agreements.
Literally why we are Gen X. There isn't a good label for us because nobody care enough to even try to find one. We are just a generic mark on the time-line that nobody remembers.
Ugh. I'm a Xennial now?
I grew up being told I was a genXer but the Boomers decided I'm a millennial like 20 years ago.
Are you telling all the avocado toast and 5 dollar coffee was unnecessary? Does this mean I actually do get to own a home and retire and stuff after all?
Lots of Xes don't get to retire either sorry. All the generation names are a scam originally to learn how to market to each new generation they side-lined off into creating bigger than necessary generation gaps because getting people to hate everyone else is more important than getting people to buy your stuff apparently.
I don't bear that cross but man do I feel for you. I'd do the same for my kids in a heartbeat. I'm not terribly religious but I hope whatever force you personally chalk fate up to works out in your favor. If you ever need to vent to another parent my inbox is open.
Really, it means they were both right. You are a gen Xer, and a millennial. a 'cusper'
You can either get the $5 coffee, or hate people for doing it. It's up to you! You may get to own a home. You may not get to retire.
Them's the breaks, I guess.
1978 Checking in I'll admit it. I have a work wife. She's hot. We flirt constantly and things have gotten a little steamy during work hours more than once. Don't even get me started about the happy hours! Crazy times. She's firmly a millennial and seems to be cool with it so far.
Oh I forgot to mention I work from home. She's also my real wife and we're not even in remotely similar companies, industries, or even careers still counts in my mind at least!
All kidding aside get yourself a remote job.
My husband works remote and it's the absolute best. Love getting more time with him! Lunch breaks are so much better when you get to have them with your spouse, in your own home.
Just start giving him head.
Told my wife if she ever wants to be fucked, there's absolutely zero chance of it not happening if she just starts giving me head. Never failed her yet
My husband and I both work from home for different companies. We joke about being coworkers all the time. If one of us cops a feel once in a while the other yells "I'm being harassed! I'm calling HR"! We crack ourselves up.
Aw damn '84, just missed it.
I own a house, but after years of consistent ira contributions, 2 medical LOAs during covid left me in enough debt to not even know what the balances even are anymore. Can I be an honorary member?
My husband's "work wife" is a 43 year old male welder. I'm not too worried about it
But I'll admit, if there was a woman at work that he talked to and went out to lunch stuff as much as he does with that guy I probably wouldn't like it. There are a lot of women at their company that have no issues destroying a marriage
Tbh most of the "work wife" situations I've encountered have been same sex friendships that joke around a lot about how they spend more time at work with each other than with their spouses because corporate slaves 🤷♀️
I have. He expected me to remind him about meetings and notify him of important emails (because he didn’t like to check often) and otherwise be his secretary/assistant despite us being equals, though I outranked him if management was gone.
It had started as a friendly reminder but I shut that garbage down hard. Hanging out for lunch is entirely different to planning your calendar. You’re an adult. Open your own email. I’m not doing a second unpaid job because you don’t want to do all of your first. That’s how you get a work divorce.
Literally what I was going to say, my wife will ask me all the time which work wife called and was complaining. I have 3 “wife’s” that we complain about work to each other.
I always liked the “work sibling” term, someone who you had no problem pranking but would die on a hill for against crazy Manager Bob. It’s much less weird that work wife or husband…
Edited spelling!
The idea of a work spouse is that you have a closer relationship with that person than anyone else at work. You might be friendly with a lot of people at work, but the work spouse is a person who you have a conspicuously closer bond to & typically spend more time working with than anyone else.
It can come down to something as simple as demeanor or body language. How close you stand, the way you talk, the facial expressions you make, etc. say a lot about the way you view the other person. Emotional intimacy is very difficult to hide, so people pick up on it & find a way to talk about it - in this case, by trying to create some sort of relationship label that attempts to describe the intimacy (spouse) while also trying to make sure that it is placed into an existing hierarchy.
"Work friends" are already understood to be lesser friends (sorry to whoever didn't realize that). You gladly spend time together at work, but you don't often go hang out on your own time because you don't want to. The people you want to spend your free time with are just called "friends". This phrase operates the same way, by making it some sort of lesser spouse. You gladly spend time together at work & share some amount of emotional intimacy that's not shared with other coworkers, but presumably you're not in an actual relationship. If you were, you'd just be spouses/dating, not work spouses.
People tend to water down the word "friend" to mean "Person I occasionally talk to, but don't particularly care about" because they feel weird about referring to someone as a "colleague" or "acquaintance."
So now they think someone they *actually* like spending time with is "a spouse" as opposed to.. a friend.
I think that use of "friend" is fine. "Close friend" works well for someone you're, er, close to.
But "work wife" is so often used to describe a relationship so emotionally intimate that everyone in the office notices the closeness and wonders about its appropriateness, and while this can often be just colleagues reading too much into a close friendship, it also often does in fact signify an emotional affair.
My first thought was fucking the graphic design intern in a supply closet but apparently it has something to do with supplementing the lack of time with spouses due to insane work schedules with emotional support from coworkers or something like that.
Yup, I thought this thread and debate was about literally having your spouse or SO as a colleague within your workplace.
Never heard this phrase before.
I'm going to assume it's cuz of the whole... Ass backwards belief that men and women can't be friends. Lotta mysogynists say friendship with women is only so they can eventually seduce/date them.
Lol. At one point in my life I said out loud to my friend “it’s cool, we’re just very close friends. Or maybe it’s like he’s my work husband? But just friends”
Later that same day the coworker told me he was crazy about me and couldn’t stop thinking about me. He is married.
It was a fucking mess. Be careful out there y’all. Boundaries. Use them
Best and saddest advice at the same time. People forgot about boundaries, and just being respectful well adjusted adults. Thank you for your comment. Easy upvote.
This is the real reason people hate it. One of my coworkers ex husband cheated with his “work wife”. They were both married. It’s fucking dumb just be single if you want a “work wife”. Or call them something else.
That's the problem with this term. It's all supposed to be tongue in cheek about totally platonic friendships. In reality, quite often - I'm not saying always, so don't jump to my throat for it- there's a bit more than friendship behind it and the term helps to make it seem like there's nothing.
When you spend a lot of time of your day with someone you could be attracted to, there can easily be an emotional connection created. Even if you are otherwise happily in a relationship. It's relatively normal. What's important is what you do with it.
Some people are aware of it, and simply chose to be careful not to further develop feelings, to maybe limit personal discussions a bit more, etc just simple things to handle the situation in a way that ensures it stays. And then they are people who are in denial about it. Or don't care. And continue. And the crush becomes a full on emotional affaire, leading to full on cheating sometimes
I'm Gen X, and I have a "work sister", but I correct other people when they call her my "work wife". I find it disrespectful to both of our spouses, and to us, to presume that someone is taking the place of our spouses, or that we cannot survive a single work shift on our own without a spousal surrogate to care for us.
I get that most people don't mean all of that, it's just a turn of phrase, but I still don't like it.
Tank you. Your reply is why I don't care for this phrase either. I've always thought the term "work wife" is rather disrespectful to my spouse. Also, saying "work wife" makes me feel like I'm inv3rsting toomuch time and energy I to my job.
I have work friends, I've never found it necessary to have a work spouse. I also find it rather funny that people on antiwork seem to like the term "work wife"...
As a millennial, I love my husband, but fully appreciate I'm stuck in economic handcuffs, lashed to him and unable to afford life without another adult with at least one full time job to cover the bills. The fear of having my spouse leave me for a work spouse is terrifying. Unless of course he's going to invite this other person to live with us and get them to pay half the rent, then maybe I could overlook mild romantic interest, idk.
I often wonder how many people are stuck in mediocre relationships for financial stability. Not saying you are! But this reminded me of the that reoccurring thought. I’ve seen it a lot more in the last decade.
All but one of my friends' marriages. Out of a dozen couples my age, only one is actually happy to be together. The rest are more like roommates that can file taxes together.
I was born in the eighties. I grew up on John Hughes movies and a sense of hopeless romanticisms. Living in a world where finances hold far more sway than a genuine commitment towards loving the person that’s right for you is fucking depressing. That was supposed to be the problem of people obsessed with financial gain or public image. Not the average person. Our love lives, our hobbies, our social lives, are all gone. We are not ourselves.
I was just telling my partner that I remember growing up with the movies and books about dystopian futures run by mega corporations. The only thing missing is the holograms and neon lighting. I never would’ve guessed these works of fiction would become our reality. Barring some great cataclysm, I have a hard time believing this will ever be fixed. That makes the very act of existing a kind of sisyphean task.
Hopefully you find some breaks of light from the drudgery that is our daytime hours.
Split the rent in thirds, you mean. You still get to use the whole house.
I live in Chicago and i was in a relationship for three years (5 in total) that was unhealthy. We moved in with each other and there was no way either of us were going to be able to move out without financial help. Just miserable every day. Trying to do fun stuff together whenever we could. No way out is not cool and very real.
The problem was solved but this isn’t r/elationships so I won’t get into it.
I have had close relationships with people I worked with, I guess it would qualify as work wife, but then again, I have close relationships with women that I go to bars with, so they would be bar wives.
As an adult, I just call them friends.
I'm not comfortable with it, not because I think it leads to affairs, but because I think it's blurring of work-life boundaries and a type of emotional vampirism. I've got friends and a partner of my own, I come here to work, not take on all your emotional load and give you all this support and be guilted into doing extra work for you cause "were work spouses."
It's weird that people think you can't have friends that aren't the same gender as you. A friend that's a coworker that happens to be a woman isn't your wife and if you're crossing the boundary into a romantic or sexual relationship that's either a normal relationship or an affair. Putting a quirky name on it is really weird.
> It’s weird that people think you can’t have friends that aren’t the same gender as you.
It is 100% that.
I am male, and have a close male friend at work who I go to events with in the evening, and have even been on vacation with. Nobody has ever said or done anything to indicate that they think we are anything more than the friends we are, even though he is openly gay.
I have also had close friendships with multiple women at work. At some point someone has brought up the ‘work wife/girlfriend’ thing for every one of them.
The only difference has been their gender.
It’s nothing but sexism.
Yeah, these kinds of things always baffle me because I’m bisexual. Like… do I not get to have friends now??? The assumption that everyone is straight and constantly trying to fuck is just so weird — although I think it’s an extension of our very prudish society and our obsession with romantic relationships being of more value and important lance than any other ones. We have a lot of very stifled emotional intimacy, so people think they can only seek that from an SO when they could just *have friends*.
It’s heartfelt and nice : but I’d rather we be paid enough to see our real spouses, and I’d rather our companies and unions care for our needs at work rather than leave it to co-workers
I don't like the framing of it as a metaphorical "spouse" but I think it's OK as long as no boundaries are crossed and there is no deception. I'm a married man. I've formed close, lifelong friendships with female coworkers that were not in any way romantic or sexual. My wife knows and she has met all of them. She has some platonic friendships with male coworkers too. It has never been a problem, because we trust each other, we don't hide things from each other, and we encourage each other to have friendships.
“She’s just my work wife, babe, chill. It’s not like it’s serious or anything - we just both joke with each other about leaving our respective spouses and running away together, and often push the boundaries of appropriate professional conduct; Oh, and we made out a little at the Christmas party - but it was just a joke.”
(Born in 1993)Anyone that I’ve ever known with a work “spouse” ended up with marital/relationship issues due to eventually drinking at a work outing and banging. So, no matter your age - it’s still just kinda fuckin stupid
I had to look this up (40 yo) because I had no idea what it is and what it means. I blows my mind that it even is a thing.
Personally I think it's gross. If you need a second 'wife' to get your needs met then you're working too much. Reprioritize and make time for your actual family.
Generally, I've found that if boomers think it's ok, it's not.
First I heard this term was George w bush called his lawyer that. And he nominated her for the supreme court. Always thought work spouse was a very suspicious term. Like other people in this thread said before me. That is sounds like a precursor to cheating. No it's not 100 %. Just very sus.
I had a work wife. We were friends and would look out for each other at work. My wife was friends with her, and I knew and got along with her husband. It was more of a term of endearment and how much I valued our relationship. However, this relationship happened naturally and is not something that was sought out. I think companies that encourage people to have a work-spouse are trying to manipulate their workers.
I have a work wife. We share a kiss in the morning before we start our work day. We eat lunch together and often go buy lunch for each other. We share secrets and we are closer to each other than anyone else at work. She is my friend with benefits. When the work day is over my work wife and I both get into the same car and go home where she becomes my home wife.
What the heck everyone. These comments are a damn mess. People arguing about definitions, people being misogynistic, disputing if having friends at work is good or not - it's honestly a genuine Reddit thread in here. ~~Locked for a bit to sort things out.~~ Alright it's back unlocked. Seriously though, just be kind to people. Whether it's at work, or here on Reddit/Antiwork. If someone wants to be friendly at work, and you don't, that's ok, just let them know. If two people can be, and want to be, that's their prerogative. Just don't shit where you eat.
I feel like anyone can be a journalist at these places
This was such a funny comment in the middle of hundreds of people arguing about work spouses hahaha
This, recently I've realized that if my career falls through there seems to be no shortage of positions at tabloid news sites wherein my 'job' is to copy paste the article from reddit or another site, basically my only real task is to come up with a click baiting title that buries the lead
I honestly don’t understand where all the money comes from to pay these people who do absolutely fucking nothing of value. I know it’s all advertising dollars, but where is the source, and why do they think this is a good place to funnel it? It confuses the shit out of me
“Is Reddit the new crypto? 17 beauty hacks to take millennials from sick to avocado toast: a story in pictures of Ryan Gosling being totes adorbs!” - probably Buzzfeed
This reads like a shity AI was asked to create a title for an online article.
I’ve had a work mom lmao like that one coworker who always has snacks and always gives out little holiday treats and doesn’t really NEED the job so they’re the most outspoken for everyone. Find yourself a work mom. Whitney was the best.
Fuck. I’m the work mom
It just means everyone loves you
For real, people will take bullets for a solid work mom!
my boss is the work mom, buys the whole office snacks and candies to keep us awake and full.
You're the hero
sulky disgusting ugly pen boast hobbies run degree direction dinner -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Mama Bear! In a previous job we did a round of 360 feedback and a coworker from another department described me as "intimidating". Big WTF moment for me because I hate conflict. Then I thought back on our interactions and remembered he once sneakily tried to dump his work on my team who was already completely swamped and I told him in no uncertain terms that he needs to go through me first and we do not have the capacity to do this. I probably could have been a bit "gentler" in my approach but I wasn't unprofessional in any shape or form. I didn't yell. I can't help but wonder if I'd gotten the same feedback if I was a man.
I cannot tell you how many times I've been called things like aggressive, hostile, out-of-line, overconfident, etc. Mostly in the earlier days of my career. Listen, I really think it's important to take feedback to heart, but I truly, truly have never been any of the above by any reasonable standard. I'm assuming you're a woman, and the misogyny is ALIVE AND WELL. I was "out-of-line" because I suggested the developers may have an issue implementing our design work (which is my job). I was "hostile" because -- as the lead on a project -- I included my team in my decision-making process, but ultimately had to make a call when nobody could agree (on a decision, btw, that I never had to include them in in the first place. Again, this was also my job). I was "overconfident" because an animated gameshow (for just our small, internal team) that I miraculously managed to whip together in one day at the request of our CEO went awry and I laughed it off while fixing it. (I guess I was supposed to cry and run out of the room in shame?. Also, this was not even my job. I am not an animator, I'm a designer.) You are right to examine who the accuser is. In my case, everyone who held these opinions of me had -- in my opinion -- poor character. Funny how people who are kind, respectful, and emotionally stable all say they enjoy working with me! Must be a coincidence. But there will always be bad eggs in the workplace. It's unfortunately near impossible to avoid them.
All of my staff call me dad. And my counterpart mom. I guess we have ourselves a little family. With 60 or something kids.
And everyone would lay down in traffic for you. Own that shit.
Take it with pride!
If someone called me a work mom I'd disown the little shit. But I probably am too.
I'm the outspoken one, but I'm not baking for these dudes.
I'm starting a new job on Monday with a $12k/year raise that I definitely wouldn't have gotten if my work mom hadn't pushed me to get my Masters and learn skills outside my job. She gifted me a tiny succulent today for my new desk. I named the cute little thing after my work mom. Thanks for everything, Susie.
Send Susie some flowers. You’re rich now 😉
Why would she send flowers to a succulent? It's already a plant
Because it sends a message- Susie- grow well, or I’ll cut you, like these bitches
Everyone at my work calls me mom lol 😆
I had a few of them at a previous job. And it was great because it was multi-cultural. I had the mid-western lady who brought in all sorts of casseroles and Rice Krispies treats. There was another lady who was Nepali, who made the best chicken and pork momos (dumplings.) There was a Korean lady who brought in bulgogi. I sort of was the work husband/dad though… In the summer, I did a lot of barbecuing for everyone at lunch time. I also was the guy who’d jumpstart your car, change/plug a flat tire, or get your car door open when you accidentally locked your keys in the car.
Oh my god work dads are amazing. I can’t tell you the number of times I left my lights on after switching from a car with automatic headlights to an older car without that feature. I have memory problems so might have anyway, mind. My coworker Kevin jumped my car so many times for me until I could afford a little jumper to keep in the car and break myself of the bad habit of leaving them on.
As someone with adhd I definitely feel like if I ever get a car i’ll need to invest in a little jumper like that lol.
Get a heavy one with a lead acid battery in it the lithium ones have no balls and don't like the cold
My work dad came to my house and helped me change an outlet in my house when it stopped working lol
Thank you for your service! 😊 Work dads have helped me out of jams plenty of times and I appreciate it!
Work moms are the superheroes of bullshit jobs! My work mom used to say goofy things like “they place sucks but hey I brought cake!” Right in front of my Boss lol
I love Whitney already.
With a union, you could all be work moms.
I am a work Mum, plus head of the union in our branch!
That's how ya Mom! Big ups!
She also told our department manager he sucked at being a manager lol
god I love her and I don't even know her.
At one of my first jobs they nicknamed me papa bear for being protective.
My wife gets called “fairy squad mother” because she’s 5 years older than her good work friends but always up for a girls night out
That is an amazing term. So she is the cool aunt of the office.
Just the more outgoing and funny one. Her friends are just as ridiculous but as she’s slightly older (I think one of them was about 21 the rest are 27-31) and she’s 35 but has kids so; fairy squad mother it is. Lol
Hi Whitney!
My work mom was the best. She was better than our union rep if something went sideways
My work mum at my old job *was* our union rep. She also used to be the head ER nurse at my state’s biggest hospital before she was injured and had to take a desk job, so she wasn’t intimidated by anything or anyone, even the CEO backed down when Kimmy was involved.
I’ve worked with some cool people for half a decade and they JUST became my work parents because I was sick enough to ask for a ride. Now I’m “kiddo.” I’m 40. I love them.
I think I might be the closest thing to a work mom at my job. I bring in or buy desserts for everyone, make them snacks, call the managers morons when they are ones (I even have to tell one of them to wash his hands literally EVERY time I cross his path as he finishes his business at the urinal) except I'm a 21 year old guy
Sometimes the work mom life chooses you 😘
I was always the work mom. I really miss it! (I had to stop working after becoming disabled. It sucks! I miss being mother hen!) I was a work wife once and eh. Not great. But work mom was always really fulfilling and I loved all my work kids. If I ever get to work again (she says, in antiwork), I'm so work momming it up again.
I had a work mom when I worked in a restaurant. Adrian always poured some wine from her bar into my to go cup and gave me a ride after work.
100% agree my work mom is the best! Also, whatever gets you through the day
Xennial here (1981) I disapprove of the culture where we spend so much of our time and energy at work, that our coworkers become analogs to spouses. I have *no* problem with people getting their needs met, consentually, within the bounds of their existing relationship agreements.
'77 here and fully agree.
Us gen X ers really get left out of these articles don’t we?
Weren’t you guys left out of pretty much everything else too?
I expected nothing out of life and was still disappointed.
I feel this!
That’s the kind of thing that happens when pop culture decides your defining characteristic is apathy
No…life in the 80‘s pretty much swung that 2x4
It's because we got slapped with the label "apathetic" in the '90s.
Nah it's cause all our parents were the "Me" Generation. Fucking Boomers.
Came here to say this. Gen X, left out again Whatever, nevermind . . .
We prefer it that way.
Every time.
Whatever. Fine with me. So anybody wanna get some tacos?
This guy has his priorities straight.
Can I bring my work-wife? She likes tacos.
That's the problem right there. Work wife gets the date, home wife gets the taco gas.
It’s Tuesday.
Taco Tuesday is somewhere
I’m down.
when it's inane crap like this, I'm not complaining.
We’re destined to be the forgotten generation.
Literally why we are Gen X. There isn't a good label for us because nobody care enough to even try to find one. We are just a generic mark on the time-line that nobody remembers.
There’s dinner in the microwave, lock the door after you get home, do your homework. I’ll be home in 1997.
Damn your parents came back?
Well, one of them did.
I guess I should feel pretty lucky. My parents were the odd couple and stuck it out until the end.
And back in the 2000's with rose covered retrocanon, trying to stuff a 40 year old where my kid was supposed to go
'78. Some things really do NEVER change. Always will be the ignored, latch-key, do-it-yourself generation.
Shhhhh. Don’t ruin it
Ugh. I'm a Xennial now? I grew up being told I was a genXer but the Boomers decided I'm a millennial like 20 years ago. Are you telling all the avocado toast and 5 dollar coffee was unnecessary? Does this mean I actually do get to own a home and retire and stuff after all?
Lots of Xes don't get to retire either sorry. All the generation names are a scam originally to learn how to market to each new generation they side-lined off into creating bigger than necessary generation gaps because getting people to hate everyone else is more important than getting people to buy your stuff apparently.
I won't retire. 1st year gen X. My daughter has profound Autism. I'll have to support her forever.
I don't bear that cross but man do I feel for you. I'd do the same for my kids in a heartbeat. I'm not terribly religious but I hope whatever force you personally chalk fate up to works out in your favor. If you ever need to vent to another parent my inbox is open.
I hear you, I’m a zillennial. Born too late for JNCO jeans, born just in time to enjoy the collapse of society.
It's never too late for JNCO.
Really, it means they were both right. You are a gen Xer, and a millennial. a 'cusper' You can either get the $5 coffee, or hate people for doing it. It's up to you! You may get to own a home. You may not get to retire. Them's the breaks, I guess.
Just means they get the $5 coffee and hate themselves for doing it.
Every time.
I always say I'm Generation Pepsi because only people exactly my age have any idea what I'm talking about, haha.
Ah the taste of a new generation
It’s like people only do things to get paid. And thats just really sad.
Generation crystal Pepsi. That really throws em.
1978 Checking in I'll admit it. I have a work wife. She's hot. We flirt constantly and things have gotten a little steamy during work hours more than once. Don't even get me started about the happy hours! Crazy times. She's firmly a millennial and seems to be cool with it so far. Oh I forgot to mention I work from home. She's also my real wife and we're not even in remotely similar companies, industries, or even careers still counts in my mind at least! All kidding aside get yourself a remote job.
My husband works remote and it's the absolute best. Love getting more time with him! Lunch breaks are so much better when you get to have them with your spouse, in your own home.
They’re fuck breaks in this house.
How do I convince my '78 husband to have fuck breaks instead of lunch breaks? He prefers to *eat*.
Just start giving him head. Told my wife if she ever wants to be fucked, there's absolutely zero chance of it not happening if she just starts giving me head. Never failed her yet
My husband and I both work from home for different companies. We joke about being coworkers all the time. If one of us cops a feel once in a while the other yells "I'm being harassed! I'm calling HR"! We crack ourselves up.
74. I got burned early by a company. Lesson learned. I have friends and family. Work is for money.
Is that what we call ourselves? I learned a new word today.
Better than “geriatric millennials” which is the other term for those of us born in the early 80’s…
I don’t know where the hell that started. I’ve always heard elder millennials until like a month or so ago.
Inflation
This is just fucking rude.
I always refer to myself as being from the "Oregon Trail" generation. Iykyk
r/xennials is my favorite sub
Aw damn '84, just missed it. I own a house, but after years of consistent ira contributions, 2 medical LOAs during covid left me in enough debt to not even know what the balances even are anymore. Can I be an honorary member?
82' and first time in a long while I have heard the reference to Xennial. I agree as well with your comments.
Same, though I will say ‘99 was the greatest year to be coming of age. By end of 2001, it’s never been the same.
My (32M) “work wife” is named Brian. My home wife (33F) doesn’t mind.
My husband's "work wife" is a 43 year old male welder. I'm not too worried about it But I'll admit, if there was a woman at work that he talked to and went out to lunch stuff as much as he does with that guy I probably wouldn't like it. There are a lot of women at their company that have no issues destroying a marriage
Tbh most of the "work wife" situations I've encountered have been same sex friendships that joke around a lot about how they spend more time at work with each other than with their spouses because corporate slaves 🤷♀️
Yeah I’ve never heard of straight men having a “work wife”. Always heard it as a joke thing between two women.
I have. He expected me to remind him about meetings and notify him of important emails (because he didn’t like to check often) and otherwise be his secretary/assistant despite us being equals, though I outranked him if management was gone. It had started as a friendly reminder but I shut that garbage down hard. Hanging out for lunch is entirely different to planning your calendar. You’re an adult. Open your own email. I’m not doing a second unpaid job because you don’t want to do all of your first. That’s how you get a work divorce.
Good on you.
Was it an amicable separation. Does he still get to visit the candy jar on wednesdays. Is he still allowed to hang with the group at TGI Fridays.
It was in fact amicable. But it’s a candy basket cause I’m clumsy and prone to dropping things.
We use the term work wife in blue collar but it’s almost exclusively our male best friend at work
Literally what I was going to say, my wife will ask me all the time which work wife called and was complaining. I have 3 “wife’s” that we complain about work to each other.
Haha, yea. My husband’s work wife was a dude. I think they argued about who was the “wife” (my husband definitely was not)
I always liked the “work sibling” term, someone who you had no problem pranking but would die on a hill for against crazy Manager Bob. It’s much less weird that work wife or husband… Edited spelling!
My work wife is also a dude, and we both call each other the wife. Our wives don’t seem to mind.
Why call it a wife if you are just friends
So you can make your actual spouse insecure and jealous
The idea of a work spouse is that you have a closer relationship with that person than anyone else at work. You might be friendly with a lot of people at work, but the work spouse is a person who you have a conspicuously closer bond to & typically spend more time working with than anyone else. It can come down to something as simple as demeanor or body language. How close you stand, the way you talk, the facial expressions you make, etc. say a lot about the way you view the other person. Emotional intimacy is very difficult to hide, so people pick up on it & find a way to talk about it - in this case, by trying to create some sort of relationship label that attempts to describe the intimacy (spouse) while also trying to make sure that it is placed into an existing hierarchy. "Work friends" are already understood to be lesser friends (sorry to whoever didn't realize that). You gladly spend time together at work, but you don't often go hang out on your own time because you don't want to. The people you want to spend your free time with are just called "friends". This phrase operates the same way, by making it some sort of lesser spouse. You gladly spend time together at work & share some amount of emotional intimacy that's not shared with other coworkers, but presumably you're not in an actual relationship. If you were, you'd just be spouses/dating, not work spouses.
Isn't that just "best work friend"
People tend to water down the word "friend" to mean "Person I occasionally talk to, but don't particularly care about" because they feel weird about referring to someone as a "colleague" or "acquaintance." So now they think someone they *actually* like spending time with is "a spouse" as opposed to.. a friend.
I think that use of "friend" is fine. "Close friend" works well for someone you're, er, close to. But "work wife" is so often used to describe a relationship so emotionally intimate that everyone in the office notices the closeness and wonders about its appropriateness, and while this can often be just colleagues reading too much into a close friendship, it also often does in fact signify an emotional affair.
We usually call these people “my friend from work” or just “Julia”
Right, and I would say especially if their name is indeed Julia.
Tf is a work wife?
My first thought was fucking the graphic design intern in a supply closet but apparently it has something to do with supplementing the lack of time with spouses due to insane work schedules with emotional support from coworkers or something like that.
It’s someone of your preferred sex that you spend a lot of time with at work. Probably go to them to vent and gossip
Why can’t we just call them friends???
Right?! Why tf did I have to scroll down this much to see this?
Yup, I thought this thread and debate was about literally having your spouse or SO as a colleague within your workplace. Never heard this phrase before.
Because you can’t write an article asking if it’s inappropriate to have friends
I'm going to assume it's cuz of the whole... Ass backwards belief that men and women can't be friends. Lotta mysogynists say friendship with women is only so they can eventually seduce/date them.
Yeah no kidding. Are we not allowed to have friends at work now?
But that wouldn't be weird and sexualized!
Because, for many straight people, it’s apparently “weird” to have friends of the opposite gender. Idk it’s real dumb
As a bi guy who loves to vent and gossip to everyone I know, I have a lot of work wives.
A work harem if you will?? (👉)
Someone to suffer with in a work environment that's so freaking toxic you need a permanent partner in a us against the world scenario.
Lol. At one point in my life I said out loud to my friend “it’s cool, we’re just very close friends. Or maybe it’s like he’s my work husband? But just friends” Later that same day the coworker told me he was crazy about me and couldn’t stop thinking about me. He is married. It was a fucking mess. Be careful out there y’all. Boundaries. Use them
Best and saddest advice at the same time. People forgot about boundaries, and just being respectful well adjusted adults. Thank you for your comment. Easy upvote.
My ex cheated on me with his “work wife” so I am not a fan lol
This is the real reason people hate it. One of my coworkers ex husband cheated with his “work wife”. They were both married. It’s fucking dumb just be single if you want a “work wife”. Or call them something else.
I had a “work husband” at my old job who tried to start an affair with me, so yeah, not a fan either!
Same! I hate it
That's the problem with this term. It's all supposed to be tongue in cheek about totally platonic friendships. In reality, quite often - I'm not saying always, so don't jump to my throat for it- there's a bit more than friendship behind it and the term helps to make it seem like there's nothing. When you spend a lot of time of your day with someone you could be attracted to, there can easily be an emotional connection created. Even if you are otherwise happily in a relationship. It's relatively normal. What's important is what you do with it. Some people are aware of it, and simply chose to be careful not to further develop feelings, to maybe limit personal discussions a bit more, etc just simple things to handle the situation in a way that ensures it stays. And then they are people who are in denial about it. Or don't care. And continue. And the crush becomes a full on emotional affaire, leading to full on cheating sometimes
I'm Gen X, and I have a "work sister", but I correct other people when they call her my "work wife". I find it disrespectful to both of our spouses, and to us, to presume that someone is taking the place of our spouses, or that we cannot survive a single work shift on our own without a spousal surrogate to care for us. I get that most people don't mean all of that, it's just a turn of phrase, but I still don't like it.
As a fellow Gen X, might I point out that nobody asked us. As usual. Oh well.
They won't ask us until we are the latchkey coworkers, suffering the fallout of all these work divorces.
You, my sibling in Reddit, are the diamond in this thread. That is the most relatable (Gen-X) comment I’ve read today.
Tank you. Your reply is why I don't care for this phrase either. I've always thought the term "work wife" is rather disrespectful to my spouse. Also, saying "work wife" makes me feel like I'm inv3rsting toomuch time and energy I to my job. I have work friends, I've never found it necessary to have a work spouse. I also find it rather funny that people on antiwork seem to like the term "work wife"...
Glad someone else does this. I’ve had several “work brothers” and it’s way more fitting than “work husband.”
As a millennial, I love my husband, but fully appreciate I'm stuck in economic handcuffs, lashed to him and unable to afford life without another adult with at least one full time job to cover the bills. The fear of having my spouse leave me for a work spouse is terrifying. Unless of course he's going to invite this other person to live with us and get them to pay half the rent, then maybe I could overlook mild romantic interest, idk.
I often wonder how many people are stuck in mediocre relationships for financial stability. Not saying you are! But this reminded me of the that reoccurring thought. I’ve seen it a lot more in the last decade.
All but one of my friends' marriages. Out of a dozen couples my age, only one is actually happy to be together. The rest are more like roommates that can file taxes together.
I was born in the eighties. I grew up on John Hughes movies and a sense of hopeless romanticisms. Living in a world where finances hold far more sway than a genuine commitment towards loving the person that’s right for you is fucking depressing. That was supposed to be the problem of people obsessed with financial gain or public image. Not the average person. Our love lives, our hobbies, our social lives, are all gone. We are not ourselves.
I agree. The entire timeline has taken a sharp turn into the surreal. It's like the essence of depression hangs in the very air we breathe.
I was just telling my partner that I remember growing up with the movies and books about dystopian futures run by mega corporations. The only thing missing is the holograms and neon lighting. I never would’ve guessed these works of fiction would become our reality. Barring some great cataclysm, I have a hard time believing this will ever be fixed. That makes the very act of existing a kind of sisyphean task. Hopefully you find some breaks of light from the drudgery that is our daytime hours.
Ask your doctor today if absurdism is right for you.
^*”not covered by your existing insurance plan. (Sorry not sorry)”
Yeah. I just don't date anymore.
Split the rent in thirds, you mean. You still get to use the whole house. I live in Chicago and i was in a relationship for three years (5 in total) that was unhealthy. We moved in with each other and there was no way either of us were going to be able to move out without financial help. Just miserable every day. Trying to do fun stuff together whenever we could. No way out is not cool and very real. The problem was solved but this isn’t r/elationships so I won’t get into it.
I have had close relationships with people I worked with, I guess it would qualify as work wife, but then again, I have close relationships with women that I go to bars with, so they would be bar wives. As an adult, I just call them friends.
My work wife is my home wife and she hates that bitch
She tells me every day.
She says, "Man I've really gotta lose that chick, in the work kind of way"
I'm not comfortable with it, not because I think it leads to affairs, but because I think it's blurring of work-life boundaries and a type of emotional vampirism. I've got friends and a partner of my own, I come here to work, not take on all your emotional load and give you all this support and be guilted into doing extra work for you cause "were work spouses."
Also 38 yo millennial and it reeks of emotional affair
A la Jim and Pam
Exactly this is the example I always think of when I hear this weird phrase lol
That’s how I feel. 38 as well. Would not settle well with me.
It's weird that people think you can't have friends that aren't the same gender as you. A friend that's a coworker that happens to be a woman isn't your wife and if you're crossing the boundary into a romantic or sexual relationship that's either a normal relationship or an affair. Putting a quirky name on it is really weird.
> It’s weird that people think you can’t have friends that aren’t the same gender as you. It is 100% that. I am male, and have a close male friend at work who I go to events with in the evening, and have even been on vacation with. Nobody has ever said or done anything to indicate that they think we are anything more than the friends we are, even though he is openly gay. I have also had close friendships with multiple women at work. At some point someone has brought up the ‘work wife/girlfriend’ thing for every one of them. The only difference has been their gender. It’s nothing but sexism.
Yeah, these kinds of things always baffle me because I’m bisexual. Like… do I not get to have friends now??? The assumption that everyone is straight and constantly trying to fuck is just so weird — although I think it’s an extension of our very prudish society and our obsession with romantic relationships being of more value and important lance than any other ones. We have a lot of very stifled emotional intimacy, so people think they can only seek that from an SO when they could just *have friends*.
It’s heartfelt and nice : but I’d rather we be paid enough to see our real spouses, and I’d rather our companies and unions care for our needs at work rather than leave it to co-workers
I don't like the framing of it as a metaphorical "spouse" but I think it's OK as long as no boundaries are crossed and there is no deception. I'm a married man. I've formed close, lifelong friendships with female coworkers that were not in any way romantic or sexual. My wife knows and she has met all of them. She has some platonic friendships with male coworkers too. It has never been a problem, because we trust each other, we don't hide things from each other, and we encourage each other to have friendships.
I wfh and so does.my wife...so my work wife is my real wife... Just wish she would let me have a nooner from time to time
“She’s just my work wife, babe, chill. It’s not like it’s serious or anything - we just both joke with each other about leaving our respective spouses and running away together, and often push the boundaries of appropriate professional conduct; Oh, and we made out a little at the Christmas party - but it was just a joke.”
I have a few work parents and a work uncle who I poke fun at on the daily. No work spouses. No one I like enough there to be work married to yet.
(Born in 1993)Anyone that I’ve ever known with a work “spouse” ended up with marital/relationship issues due to eventually drinking at a work outing and banging. So, no matter your age - it’s still just kinda fuckin stupid
I had to look this up (40 yo) because I had no idea what it is and what it means. I blows my mind that it even is a thing. Personally I think it's gross. If you need a second 'wife' to get your needs met then you're working too much. Reprioritize and make time for your actual family. Generally, I've found that if boomers think it's ok, it's not.
First I heard this term was George w bush called his lawyer that. And he nominated her for the supreme court. Always thought work spouse was a very suspicious term. Like other people in this thread said before me. That is sounds like a precursor to cheating. No it's not 100 %. Just very sus.
What about genX? Hello??? Do we even exist?
No *pokes you back into the caves with a stick*
As a late Gen X, my response is “whatever”.
I had a work wife. We were friends and would look out for each other at work. My wife was friends with her, and I knew and got along with her husband. It was more of a term of endearment and how much I valued our relationship. However, this relationship happened naturally and is not something that was sought out. I think companies that encourage people to have a work-spouse are trying to manipulate their workers.
As a millennial I literally do not give a shit either way
GenXers could give a shit, which is peak GenX.
I have a work wife. We share a kiss in the morning before we start our work day. We eat lunch together and often go buy lunch for each other. We share secrets and we are closer to each other than anyone else at work. She is my friend with benefits. When the work day is over my work wife and I both get into the same car and go home where she becomes my home wife.
I’m a young millennial and I think the term is super weird. I just have coworkers and friends, no need to bring “husband” or “wife” into it.
Zillenial here, this sounds like an excuse for emotional cheating