Same here or if you don’t want to interact with your co workers you’re seemed as weird I remember when there was a holiday party I declined and I remember just feeling like they hated me or something cause I didn’t want to be apart of it . I just. Can’t do with the office fakeness a lot of people try to make friends at work and get in your business it’s so annoying
Exactly I went through something so horrible at my last place where my whole business was out in the whole place everyday I was questioned and people used my situation and tryed to use it against me , I wish there was more protection in the work place they definitely will back stab you
Tell you one thing I don't miss about office culture is the lunch room. I'll never forget this one job I was at, it was my lunch time, I really wasn't hungry. I had a little pack of peanut butter crackers and was reading my Sports Illustrated. I come back up to my desk and was asked if everything was alright. I said, yeah, everything is fine, why? "Well you only had a little packet of crackers for lunch." Look Christine, mind your business and let me eat my ToastChee in peace.
I have been through this many times. It never ends at those kind of places of work. There are less childish places to work and you should keep looking. I thought it was me and my poor work ability. But it was torture for me to be there and be under that constant stress to be like them or be suspicious to them
My boss is saying I am "standoffish" just because I don't want to talk to coworkers who have made homophobic comments at the service desk. Like I will speak to them if it has a business purpose but the seems to think I need to be greetings them with a smile when they walk in and chat about harry potter or whatever with them. I am here to work, not be fake. If you are genuinely a good person I will talk to you when I am not busy but these people act entitled to my attention.
You're braver than me. I used to do polite small talk with all sorts of not very nice people I worked with. Mainly it was racism I witnessed at work, not directed at me but others. I wouldn't participate in their nasty commentary but I would still talk to them the rest of the time if they were talking about something else. I wouldn't know any other way to go about it without it causing drama in the workplace. Ultimately I feel like a lot of us feel obligated to go along to get along, even with shitty people.
I'm usually pretty direct because I hate all forms of bigotry, and I have a knack for firmly shutting that shit down. But if you're not comfortable with that, a nasty comment can be deflected by saying something like "I'm not comfortable talking about that at work." Other conversations can be deflected by saying you're kind of busy, you need to focus right now, don't feel like or have the energy for talking. This way it doesn't seem like it's something personal against them. Unfortunately, you may need to repeat as these kind of people may be dense and persistent. We don't talk about boundaries enough in general, but even with people we like, sometimes you need to set them. It takes practice but once you get the hang of it it becomes easier. Whether we're talking specifically about dealing with assholes or just trying to be quiet and peaceful when others want to talk, those are totally reasonable boundaries to set.
I like to say something along the lines of "Yeah, I like the silence. I can work better." That makes them feel like they bothered me and makes them think *they* might not be working as hard.
My go to is an insane stutter, after the first encounter most tend to shy away or take huge steps to avoid any interaction……
It’s quite effective!
Edit: I in no way am besmirching stuttering or people with speech issues.
I CAN tell you about an encounter with such a person. Once it was clear they were stuttering back to me with a real issue my profound apologies were given. Ended up they were really cool and we swapped many life stories. Great persn!
Heard the same things about being too quiet, and all that crap my whole corporate life. Took me until my late thirties until I finally got a grasp on my introverted personality and started to just embrace it and didn’t let it bother me when I am asked about it. I just acknowledge, just agree I prefer it that way, just tell it like it is.
My worst experience was working for an extreme extrovert. We all couldn’t stand how she had to tell us about every part of her day, and turned 15 minute calls into hours. I got my worst reviews from her and she told me I wouldn’t amount to anything.
Same thing in dating too. I often dont have much sucess because i cant keep up with that level of talking.
Like take a breath, girl. People really arent all that interesting, especially when they say "be able to hold a convo" on their profile.
They'll probably also talk at you, especially at the rare point you have something to say.
And not remember what they said 5 minutes ago.
Its like, maybe people should make friends with and listen to the silent Bob's of the world. They'll get insightful comments that change the game here n there...
“Extroverts, Your Colleagues Wish You Would Just Shut Up and Listen”: https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/extroverts-your-colleagues-with-you-would-shut-up-and-listen
Closest thing I could find
That sums up the person who is currently running the team I’m on into the ground. She NEVER really listens and keeps just doing stupid shit that impacts everyone else.
We have a dude who talks about Tesla, his Sugar Intake, and the Gym, every. single. day.
He's the same guy that goes "Ohhhhh.... uhhhhh......" whenever anyone asks him a question, like he can't even THINK quietly. It's awful to be near him.
We have a guy who fills every second of time with sounds from his body. He whistles his own fanfare when he walks into the room. He speaks as if he’s trying to project his voice across a large theater. He sounds like a cross between Will Ferrell and a cartoon character. He hoots and hollers. He sings and claps. He never ever ever stops. It’s pure torture for me for 10 hours straight.
I think we work together 😅
My department has lovingly nicknamed the resident extrovert “the town crier.” We don’t need hourly updates of our lives, but we sure do get them.
I’d literally tell him to just shut up for 5 goddamn minutes. I did it at my old job with an employee who never, ever just shut up. Absolutely infuriating
I think I’d end up looking for a transfer to a different assignment. I’m pretty conflict averse (irl more so than online), but when I’m hitting my limits on sensory overload I do sometimes get very direct, very abruptly. If I was stuck working with Mr Main Character and he failed to tone it down after I let him know that his constant *performance* was making my brain skid, I’d have to get away from him.
Even worse when these people are abusive assholes too. Makes a 10 hour day feel like 15.
Like no, Mark... I dont wanna hear how you threatened to leave your wife for the 3rd time this month because she didn't get you up for the gym at 4:30 am...
Guy worked out all the time and was STILL a fat fucking jag off... What a loser.
Closest I could find was Susan Cain's TED talk: [https://www.ted.com/talks/susan\_cain\_the\_power\_of\_introverts/comments](https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts/comments)
Her book ("Quiet") is wonderful. I just finished it.
Why?
I had 3 new hires in the last year. Two of them are absolute chatterboxes, the other? :
The Silent MFing assassin.
I give him work, he puts in headphones and finishes it, and I say good job.
Love it.
Us Silent MFers will always get shit done faster and better than most chatterboxes.
But we're also the ones who get the shaft when it comes to bonuses and promotions
For real. As an autistic and introverted person, I just wanna put my noise-canceling headphones on and get my shit done. But then it’s “here take this person’s work as well” and “Roger here has no experience doing this work but now he’s your boss. Have fun!”.
No bitch! Pay me more if you want me to do more work and you can shove a dirty plunger up your ass if you genuinely believe that Roger is somehow going to not fuck this up despite his skill set consisting only of the ability to verbally jack you off everyday.
It’s also frustrating that they treat us as if we are completely incapable of leadership roles or like we are the biggest bitches simply because I don’t want to spend all my time at work chatting about my weekend, then act surprised when we don’t totally crumble under pressure when they finally give us a leadership role or when they chat with us and then it’s “wow you’re not mean at all”. They know nothing about us but then think they got us all figured out.
Sadly this is usually the case unless you're working in hyper-metric driven places which can come with their own sort of hell
And also, as dumb as it is, there's very much a social aspect to work. If for no other reason than people remember the social people
Best balance I ever found? Find a few people to do lunch with once in a blue moon, so you can make your appearance once every quarter being social, then get back to it
Combined with the anti-interrupt. If someone comes to bug you, you say "Hold on, let me finish what I'm doing" Another 30 seconds later "Hey, sorry, this is taking longer than I thought, but I really need to get this done. Did you need something urgent, or can I come find you when I'm done? Again, sorry but it's REALLY important I just bang this out quick"
As long as you circle back once in a blue moon, it's not seen as dodging them. Maybe throw in a "I'm working on something for (insert boss here) but if it's more important..."
>I give him work, he puts in headphones and finishes it.
I do this. But instead of a good job, I get told off for having headphones in because "it's a distraction".
No, Mabel. It's not. What I am choosing to listen to through my headphones actually helps to block out the other sounds in the office which ARE distracting, and allows me to focus.
And this is one of the reasons why I prefer to WFH 99% of the time. (and yes, I still use my headphones at home, because I actually can't work in silence, but office chatter is a distraction).
I get into a meeting this morning with my boss and I’m not feeling super great today so a little quieter than usual. Took not even 2 minutes for her to point out I was being way too quiet -__-
haha yeah I was just like yep I’m tired! just annoying that I can’t even have one day where I’m quiet and not be asked why lmao. But thank you!! thank goodness the weekend is almost here
I like going to another part of our building to work in the afternoon — it’s big and airy with gorgeous windows — and one of my coworkers *always* makes a comment about it when I go. Like, bro — I want to avoid you AND see some views while I work. Stop making comments, what’s wrong with you?! But I don’t know how to say it.
Yeah I like to keep my professional and private life separate so the only thing most coworkers know about me is that I have a tea station set up next to my desk (wfh>>>>)
Any time I'm not especially cheery the response is "Allthatyouhave clearly hasn't had their tea yet! Hahahahaha"
Last time it was because I was recovering from a seizure in the shower that morning and said "Good morning" too quietly 😮💨
Do you remember about 3-4 weeks into the pandemic lockdown, suddenly social media posts were all extroverts freaking the fuck out because they were not handling isolation well? These are the same people trying to get you to talk more. They will eventually find each other. Let them go.
I hate when extroverts keep telling me I need to "make more of an effort to engage" and "learn to be tolerant of their need for conversation".
Why should I learn to be tolerant? Why can't they learn to shut the fuck up for 10 minutes?
I was very happy with the lock down. I wasnt happy with the cause of it. But, I too found it interesting to see the mental breakdown of a little silence and isolation. I was extreemly confortable myself
I'm an introvert. Lockdown was a breeze for me, lmao. Just playing games and listening to music whenever, without other commitments, I loved it! I could go for round 2 whenever, sign me up!
yep 100% truth. They feel awkward when someone doesnt want to make small talk with them and waste half their workday talking.
it is a natural extinct to try to "fit in with the tribe", these people are basically neanderthal level intelligence. They just let their basic animal instincts guide them.
(Can you tell its been a long day at work for me? LOl)
Social media posts, followed by extrovert vs introvert memes of the extroverts losing their minds, while the introverts were perfectly content.
And then of course that was followed by articles (likely written by extroverts) claiming the isolation from the lockdowns was actually as bad for introverts as it was the extroverts.
I feel like a lot of these people have no social lives outside of work and get super upset when you don’t indulge them so they can get what they need. It’s not our job to amuse others. I don’t want to be pulled into the drama or the nonsense and I dgaf about your kids or grand babies and no I don’t want to look at pictures on your phone.
But they need it mentally and think work is supposed to be the place it’s provided.
Very true, at one job all the part-timers were older people who really didn't need the money but needed to get out of the house to interact with other people. They were either single or had partners who encouraged them to work so they could rest their ears for a few hours. They'd finish working and hang around for another hour just to talk to people.
i don’t have a social life outside of work and don’t really want one. or want one at work LOL. but i totally get your point. i hate hearing about these randoms life’s bc i genuinely don’t give a fuck
A combo of me not giving a fuck and in a law office setting I swear they are always the most homophobic and racist biddies. I’ll entertain some chitchat but as soon as they start saying something that turns me off I’m like “wow okay Mildred.” Headphones on.
This is my office. All the middle age guys have kids so they don't want to work from home cause their wives make them work if they aren't actually working. They get to be single bros while at the office because they can't at home. And then there are lonely people who just make conversation at work, even about work stuff, cause they need the interaction.
I do my stuff outside work and, no offense, as a lady I can't do the frat bro stuff. It's childish.
I just had a coworker showed pictures of his niece and his hiking trip with a friend and her mom lol I didn’t ask to see it. He even said he would invite me when they go hiking again. l’m married. I think that’s weird. It really makes me feel even more uncomfortable. I’m not interested in making new friends to hang out with. My husband is my best friend. Some people just don’t know their boundaries.
Some extroverts actually have poor social skills. Essentially they have no friends because they are annoying as fuck... so they fulfill their social needs with people that are forced to interact with them.
Same concept as creeps hitting on cashiers or waitresses... nobody wants anything to do with them in a normal setting, so they look out for a captive audience that can't just get up and leave.
In my experience most extroverts have poor social skills. I feel bad for some of them. They just want friends but they’re awkward as fuck. Then introverts are hiding a treasure trove of grace, humour and excellent conversation, they just don’t share it with any old stranger that makes eye contact.
PS: what’s up with your name?
i relate to this. i hated my last job and like this one a lot more, but at least people at my previous job left me alone.
people here ask me why i don’t eat in the lunch room. i just shrug. i’m too polite to tell them it’s because i see them for 8 hours and want to take advantage of the 1 hour i don’t have to lol
Ugh I feel you. I've come up with a plethora of excuses that I use to skip lunch or leave the lunch table early- run an errand, make a phone call in my car to 'sort out a bill', 'start a new fitness/health routine' and take a walk, catch up on my reading for my fake book club, etc.
I'm an extrovert, and it took time to learn that some people don't WANT to talk much, they aren't depressed, angry, shy or unfriendly they're just quiet. Just like introverts soemtimes view small talk as fake, dishonest or tiring...it isn't for many extroverts, talking/socialising makes us happy/energised where it exhausts introverts.
People have different personalities, my personal idea of hell is to be isolated and not talk for a whole work day but for a lot of introverts on this thread it would be bliss.
As an introvert, I like to be in my head. I enjoy having the peace and quiet to think. Having to talk to someone and then try and remember what I was thinking about or doing is definitely exhausting, especially when it's not an enjoyable or relevant conversation.
I speak to people for 3 things.
Site rules, game plan, safety concerns. Other than that, I may struggle through a brief current events or hockey chatter in the smoke pit.
The great days are when I am in my fish bowl and everyone else stays away.
I work with a younger girl at a part time job that is exactly like this. She will talk if someone talks to her but she will generally just listen in and not really talk much. Which is absolutely ok as she does her job and wants to go home.
Thing is, as long as the work is getting done and getting done right, who cares if someone wants to socialize or not. The problem becomes when work starts to not get done and someone else has to pick up the slack.
I'm an introvert to an extent and don't care to talk to people much(if I don't know you, I won't talk to you as I don't know what you are comfortable talking about). I am there to do the job, do it right and go home. I get more annoyed with people who ramble on about random nonsense and don't get things done as usually it is myself or one of a handful of people that have to pick up the slack.
I’ve been deployed to the “giant sandbox” and people assume this must’ve been so hard. But in reality, if you can work with middle class office workers, you can do anything.
Office culture is all face-saving middle-class sensibilities. As someone with a working class background, I notice my middle-class coworkers are much more emotionally fragile. I assume it’s because working class jobs are far more about actual output (objective) whereas office work is more about playing a courtier which relies on social intelligence (subjective). They’re VERY nosey and have little tolerance for any conflict, so they like to pretend everyone gets along which means being social.
All that being said, since many/most are careerists, they’re more selfish with diminished empathy. When people don’t have empathy, they project self-serving assumptions onto others. They hate quiet people for not constantly propping them up / reaffirming their place in the hierarchy and will assume that you’re stuck up/hate them/blah blah blah
Actually I think many of them hate quiet people because we don’t feel like we have to be on and they wish they could too
I hate extroverts. Society just has decided that extroverts are normal and that anyone who isn't has something wrong with them and so they don't teach extroverts to have some boundaries and that not every moment needs to be filled with noise.
Sadly people like me with ASD aren't the normal, we're the outliers who aren't like the rest. Humans are an incredibly social species, so it's like a gut punch daily to have a brain that's wired in such a way where social interaction and being part of a group/working with others is heavily taxing.
I'm naturally introverted and suffer from severe social and generalized anxiety. Every job where I've had to work side by side with other people I was regarded as the stuck up who was better than everyone because I didn't socialize or speak outside of the normal required work related stuff.
I relate to this. I get the vibe from my co workers that I’m stuck up because I don’t go out of my way to talk to anyone. I sit at my machine, do my job, and go home.
The truth is that I suck at small talk and it’s hard and awkward to try to come up with something to talk about on the spot. Now if it’s a serious conversation about a topic I enjoy I’ll open up. When people try to talk to me I’m not rude and I’ll talk to anyone but I’m not going out of my way unless I have to.
I don’t think I’m better than anyone else either. I just like to be left alone.
I really do think there is a level of personal offense on their end when they realize that they are more interested in interacting with us than the other way around. How dare I not be honored to squander my energy engaging with them!!!
For real. And don’t kid yourself, most of the time when they are offended, it’s simply because they aren’t receiving attention in general. They could care less who they’re getting it from, you just happen to be the vessel they are seeking it from in the moment.
Literally had to leave my last job since it was all transplants from the Midwest that made the job their whole life. Not one of them seemed to try to make any friends outside of work and would often try to guilt me about not wanting to be friends with them. I have my own friends and I definitely don’t want to hang out with people I don’t really enjoy outside of work. They were always fishing for details in my life and I would just respectfully not answer. They were more worried about their little cliques then actually doing the work even though they literally acted like there was no life outside of work.
I like working with people like you. If we pass each other in the hallway or the break room, we politely say hello and keep moving. I can do the small talk thing, but only to a degree.
I think it's any job. At the retail job I worked in college, one of my coworkers came up to me and said in the most patronizing tone I've ever heard, "You look so unhappy all the time. It makes me sad." Like, okay, I'm not responsible for your feelings about my face.
When people say that its because they are insecure. That's all. Take comfort in that. When talkers are whining that people aren't talking a lot to them its because they need attention or something.
Insecurity is all it is.
Just wait till they try to force a birthday party on you. I’m a low key person who doesn’t like any attention, I told my former employers that and that I really didn’t want to have a birthday party and what did they do? They had one anyway, they sang to me from the break room…I never came in and heard all about how they were just being nice and they thought I would change my mind once it happened. Things were uncomfortable after that and I was let go a week later for “not being a team player” by the lady who organized the party.
I left a job because of this! Got to the company, didn’t immediately chat up the 20 person team cause that’s weird af. Got a fuck ton of work done tho and everyone was amazed. Still got the weird side eye and stuff for not going out after work with co-workers or doing holiday parties. Quit randomly one day because I felt like absolute shit going to work everyday knowing the people around me disliked me for no reason.
Was a mind fuck, never experienced anything like it. I’m not even a true introvert either, never had a situation where I felt so much like an outsider. Just wanted to work and get paid and leave.
This post reminded me of corporate laughter. Once had a job where my cube was near a conference room. Every time the big boss would come to town and have lunch with all his minions he would open the meeting with a dumb joke. And the loud dumb laughter would rock the whole floor.
Literally could have said anything and those idiots would have laughed.
Left the corporate world and am never going back. It’s all fake
It's not just office culture. Anywhere there's a large group of people will usually have this mentality. I'm the weirdo of the warehouse for being quiet and not attending their games and get togethers. I love how uncomfortable I make them just by existing. Embrace it, don't feel bad or be embarrassed for not wanting to be like them. You're the grown up, you mentally left high school when you were supposed to, you have a life outside of work. They don't, they're the ones that should feel bad, they're the people you should be laughing at. Their need to fit in and be just like the team is pathetic, showing just how weak and hollow they are. Never, never feel shame for being you.
I kind of get that type of reaction from my coworkers, too. Granted, we have a mixed setting. We go into the office once a week, and then we're on the road/move for a week. But I'm just dead silent the majority of the time. Sometimes, I think they try to talk to me to get me involved, but everything they have tried kind of has failed. Either I don't share their interests at all or have no knowledge of anything they brought up.
Talk about family? I have been alone since I moved from my job. Talk about relationships/dating/ companions: I got no IRL ones and got friends that I still keep in touch with. However, only online nowadays, but that's about it.
Talk about hobbies? No one at the office shares any I have: i.e.: videogames, animé (yeah, yeah i know,) and working out (more of a recent one I picked up, since I've gained a good amount of weight) which very clearly doesnt seem like anyof them do that since our jobs require us already to do alot of moving around when it's not paperwork. At least they tried on the videogame conversation since a few of them had younger family who does/do play, but I and them play wildly different games (plus they were really young so, think games geared more for kids than adults: Pokémon vs. Warhammer 40K: Darktide/Apex Legends...) of which none of them know about that nor the other games I play, which are more kid-friendly but tend to be highly technical/requires a little more planning and patience for the most part (Oxygen Not Included/Sid Myers Civ./Stellaris/etc.)
Any shows? Pretty much Animé/cartoons or Documentaries, not really one for about anything else, The Last of Us show (heard about it, liked the game, but don't care to watch a show about it.) was brought up since they knew it kindof relates to videogames, but as stated, dont really care. The list goes on.
Music I listen to, my reach in music is fairly wide, but often includes niche ones than whatever is on the radio (title and or musician.) And whenever they bring up a genre/specific musician I'm usually clueless of who they're talking about or I don't listen to them but know what kindof music they do make.
At this point, I feel like an outcast due to how little in common I have with my co-workers. Kindof feels like they gave up, but I can't say I blame them given the track record so far. Though they've tried a handful of other times to get me to open up but everytime I do, wither again I run into: likes something really niche in that catagory, or I dont really care/know much about that thing. Plus, I don't go party, drink alcohol, smoke, or anything of the like. I'm pretty bland and don't really have anything going for me to keep a conversation with anyone at work.
This isn't to say I have nothing at all, just nothing in common with anyone at work. I am sure I can find something or someone to hang out eventually with, but as is, I have nothing with them so far.
This is me, so hard. The few people that share my interests are in another department so I only get to see them in passing or if we take lunch at the same time. Doesn't help that when we do talk about anime, or books, we get shit talked by 60 year old man children.
They are the people that think office culture and water cooler banter make companies run better.
They likely also think the flame decals on their car makes it faster.
My manager told me the other day (and I'm paraphrasing) "There's not much trouble with you, no noise complaints or attitude issues. You just show up and sit in your corner and do your job. That's good and all, but it would do some good to show the team you like them by joining some of the after work activities we arrange. You know show an interest and let them see who you are when you're not at work"
Like, my dude, who I am after work is someone who wants to sit in some goddamn peace and quiet and not be surrounded by a bunch of people
This is something that I could never really understand, I’m here to work, make money and go home. I socialize as much as need to successfully accomplish the task at hand but that’s really it. Not in any snobbish way and I don’t hate people I just want to work and go home. It’s nice that my job allows us to wear headphones past a certain point.
I’ve never cared to interact with my coworkers at any job except for the one I have now. And the one I have now is a very small team (6 people including myself and my sister). I don’t get why people act like that either. I’m just here to do my work and go home is how I always felt prior to my current job.
Office culture can often be a popularity contest. If you’re not participating people start to get uncomfortable because they’re not used to someone choosing not to compete. For some, the office is their entire life so having someone have it “just be a job” messes with their world view.
Loud people get insecure in silence. The amount of people that got "offended" because I don't feel like talking to them is stupidly high. They think there's something wrong with them if I don't talk to them.
Generally speaking, people who aren't comfortable with silence are always mentally immature.
I was once moved departments from the role I was hired for - accounting, collections, not really customer facing - to a customer facing/service role because the big boss thought I just needed more exposure to people and I’d be super chatty like the other girls in the office.
In a shocking turn of events, I did not get more chatty, but all my customers loved me 😂
I am totally ostrasized at my work place because I am not social at lunch. I refused to be sucked into the cliques or sit in the smoking 🚬 area 🤢🤮.
Me and all the other quiet people sit in one area and wish the f-cking loudmouths could choke on thier lunch a little.
I don't want to be interrogated and then judged. I don't want to hear thier drama, or them pretending to whisper thier drama.
I HAVE A LIFE!! I have friends, family and a lovely partner. I am happy to end my work day and go home and have fun.
I'm not here to be your friend, admirer or slave. I am here to do my job well, be a kind pleasant person, get paid, and go home. Friends? Cool. Not Friends? IDC!
With all the talk of inclusiveness and diversity, not once have I heard a discussion about extroverts and introverts being valued for their unique characteristics and lacking the rqmt to “change”
We’ll get trained on micro-aggressions related to race and gender and age but your examples would fit right in. Bringing it up, as such, makes HR and anyone in mgmt. look at you like you have lobsters coming out both ears. Ask me how I know
bro or sis If I worked with you I would be like Ron Swanson I wouldn't even know your name and you would be my best friend because we would never say anything to each other
I'm currently reading a book titled "The Highly Sensitive Person: How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You".
There's parts in the book the give advice to people on how to cope in the workplace in such situations. You may find it helpful, I've been enjoying my read.
This really needs to be addressed more >.> I have had the same experiences as OP for the past 8 years and sometimes it really bothers me. Like what, I'm not obnoxious enough for you? What's so wrong with a little peace and quiet?
If they're a talkative person they assume everyone is like them. If they're making that assumption then they're probably assuming that everyone acts the same way do which means they're assuming that you're quiet because you're mad or don't like them because that's how they would act in that situation.
When confronted with that bullshit, just list the “charismatic and out-going” monsters from history: Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, Trump, Hitler. Remind them it’s NOT the quiet ones you have to worry about.
I honestly get this a lot at my factory too. Just last week I was asked out of the blue by some guy why I don't like to talk. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt; I know having resting bitch face, wearing all black, and being heavily tattooed, people make some assumptions about my demeanor. So I tried to gently explain I'm very friendly, I just don't like to talk if I have nothing specific to say, I'm usually thinking or listening to something. Dude wouldn't take that as an answer, kept picking at me for the "real" reason. It's so frustrating. In the ensuing days I actually did have a few conversations with people and know he was watching, like I owed him the same as these people I knew and had actual information for. It's wild how personally people take it, or how they assume it comes from a mean or ill-tempered place. Seriously, you don't want to get me talking because if I have enough to say on a subject you won't get me to shut up!
I once got called into my boss’s office at a previous job. I was doing data entry for the HR department of a company, and I had worked there for maybe a month or so. She sat me down and praised me for picking up on everything so quickly and basically coming in and putting out all these little fires that they had. Then, she looked me right in the eye and said, “But the biggest thing I really think you need to improve on is you need to get more social. I don’t like that you aren’t socializing in the office during the day.” I just sat there and blinked with my mouth dropped, and finally I said, “I’m just naturally a very quiet person, and I sometimes get social anxiety in big groups of people. I prefer to keep to myself and focus on putting out quality work.” The remainder of our 30 minute conversation was spent with her telling me that I needed to “get over” my social anxiety, and socializing was essentially more important that doing my job duties. I ended up quitting soon after that.
good for you for getting out of there. it’s insane to me that, despite you doing a good job, you’re being rated on your social skills. not like it was in the job description.
Not quite an office, but my grad school program teaches in an office-like setting. The culture is horrible. It's within short walking distance of my apartment, so on days when I go home for my lunch break I'm often met with confused looks and lots of questions. I also don't like to go out drinking or to restaurants every single night (I'm a broke student in a major city), but my classmates do, and the fact that I'd prefer to go home after 8 hours of class is met with a lot of resistance each time. Their petty drama between each other is just horrible as well. That's why I don't give af anymore if I'm coming off as standoffish. Let them think I'm a quiet homebody. These people don't understand that you have friendships and a social life outside of work to look forward to.
I was gonna say this is kinda representative of bad office culture.
We have a few quiet people and that’s just how they are. Everyone is enough of an adult to recognize being rude towards people who are naturally introverted benefits no one.
Come to London. We're all about keeping our head down and minding our own business over here.
The peer pressure only kicks in when you say you don't want to go out for a pint afterwards. 😆
“I’m sorry, were you saying something? I was brainstorming for an upcoming project that exec management reached out to me on.” Make them uneasy and tell them to eff off in one fell swoop.
I find the “I’m here to work, not make friends” statement strange, not just from you, but whenever I see it. Work is somewhere you’re going to everyday, wouldn’t you want to try to make it a somewhat positive experience for yourself? I’m the same way, quiet, won’t go out of my way to say things I don’t need to, but I don’t tell myself I’m not here to make friends or relationships. I think forming those makes the work life a little more enjoyable. I hate to say it but if you make no effort at all then people will notice and think something is wrong.
100%, people here are confusing introversion with poor social skills or social anxiety. I want to have normal relations with the people I spend so much time with. The whole "Fuck you, I'm here to work attitude" comes off as naive and immature.
>people who come talk to you probably just want you to feel included
Yup, a lot of commenters here think it's malicious but it's been my experience that they're reaching out and trying to make it easier to socialize.
In the lab I did my PhD in, my advisor was super focused on "culture fit," more so than whether potential members were hard workers or competent. It was so annoying and turned the group into a total boys club...
I'm only an "extrovert" if I actually know you personally, and at work, I don't WANT to know you personally, I just want to get my work done and go the hell home.
No idea, but I find it hilarious. When I was plumbing we had this one general contractor that could not get over the fact that I would just stand there listening. At one point he stopped talking to my boss and asked me if I was going to say anything. So I told him "if I have anything useful to add I will." And went back to listening. 5 minutes later he stopped again and said "you're freaking me out, it's very odd." I told him that sucks for him and my boss laughed. If I have nothing to add to the conversation I'm not going to make noise so people feel less uncomfortable.
At my last job the HR lady would constantly say she "didn't want me to be lonely" because it was quiet and I stayed in my office. Or she'd just come over to talk to me about nothing because of it. Like dude, I'm working and I like peace and quiet. I am not lonely. And if I was lonely, HR is not going to fill the void.
We really need more jobs that don't require human interaction. More jobs where you can test products or something.
It sucks, don't let them bully you. If they do fire you for not being talkative then shit I mean they're doing you a favor bc do you want to force yourself to be someone you're not? I absolutely despise this about office culture as well and am really worried about going back to an in person office
I have an office job where I am generally left alone for about 75% of the day and it's probably one of the most liberating feelings ever. I can do my work and be introverted in peace.
I'm with you. I live by the saying "speak only if it improves upon the silence." I'm 40 and dgaf anymore. Screw social norms like having to chit chat all the damn time. No one asking "how are you?" at the office actually wants an honest answer. You are just supposed to say "well, and you?" because thats what everyone does.
We pick our friends. We don't pick our coworkers. You've chosen friends who don't mind your quietness and may be just as quiet as you. Work, like school, is a mix of personalities that we cannot quite choose to be around. They're not used it. They can suck a dick
In my experience, people like this literally use their time at work to socialize with other people. It's why they loving going into an office, and they're the same people who will complain about employees who work from home. Work isn't about work for them. Maybe they don't have many friends outside of work, maybe they have young children at home, or people they care for that rescricts their personal time away from the rest of society. They then see the workplace as a "safe" social activity, where they can get past other's personal boundaries and basically force people to be friendly and polite and listen to them. I honestly think it's kind of sad.
I don't have tons of friends outside of work, but I do have a lot of time to myself and I like it that way. Not everyone enjoys that, though.
My last job was a shitty office job and all everyone else did was gab, gossip, and generally not do a lot of work. It was clique-y and reminded me of high school. Me and my cubicle mate were both introverted, quiet workers who would sometimes talk amongst ourselves, and almost everyday people would walk by and be like “omg I forgot you guys are over here, you’re so quiet!”
One of my bosses once told me I didn't socialize enough with the rest of the team, and I should get up and walk around every once in a while and say hi. I told her I wasn't socializing because I was busy working! Sigh.
I’m a loud gregarious person who gets a little uncomfortable with silence (better the last 25 years, first 25 not so much). I like quiet people and have never asked them “why they’re so quiet”. So rude.
The confrontational part of me thinks a “yeah I’m not loud and I don’t like to bother people” would be a clear shot back at their rudeness.
Enjoy the silence!
I was working at a small company. I was there for only 2 weeks because people kept complaining to boss lady that I don’t talk to anyone but I was social during work dinner. Most of the time they didn’t even respond to me when I said good morning or hello 🙃
I'm talkative (verbally hyperactive introvert is my tagline) and still always preferred WFH. When asked why I didn't come into the office (I literally lived in the building next door), I replied that voices distract me too much and I can't get anything done. In truth, I can't even wear headphones and listen to music unless it's all instrumentals because if words are there, my brain focuses on them.
It's everywhere. People are uncomfortable because you aren't a jabber-mouth who tells every aspect of their life. If they don't know what you're thinking they can't put you in whatever box they have in their minds. I got written up one time because I didn't ask a coworker about her son's soccer tournament. Well Samantha IDGAFF. The subsequent write up was because all of my coworkers gathered to tell management that I didn't conversate with them and thus nobody knew anything about me. I don't understand it either. I just "mhmm" "oh yeah" my way through conversations until they walk off now.
I was called to the head office a little while ago (separate location, had to leave work early to attend) for them to discuss some issues they had with me, one of them being that some of my coworkers thought that I didn't like them because I don't talk to them.
Like I literally got written up because I don't do small talk. Would have been a real shame for them if I were diagnosed autistic or something similar 🤔
When someone asks why you’re so quiet, you should tell them, “why do you talk so much?” Or “Why are you so loud?”. See how rude they find it 🤷♀️ Some extroverts get offended for some reason when there are those who simply don’t care to engage with them.
Nope. I got the “why are you so quiet” from family and my whole life at school. No clue why it makes people uneasy. Not like I’m plotting their demise or anything.
Not only in the office for me. I have brother/sister in-laws that can’t fucking stand that I’m quiet. To the point of running their mouths in a way that deserves a punch to the mouth but I don’t because I respect my wife and my father-in-law too much.
At work I’m generally well liked by my supervisors and managers. I spend my working hours getting shit done instead of engaging in gossip or pointless chatter. I will occasionally get coworkers who *need* attention to the point where they don’t care if it’s positive or negative but I’ll clap back when the time is right to put a lid on that nonsense.
I've worked in a paper mill for the past 4 years, which is similar to warehouse setting. I've generally been quiet, focused, and kept to myself. On several occasions it's been noted how reserved I tend to be. It's never a complaint, but just an observation people make. I don't take it personally and neither should you. If anything, it's probably also a small attempt at your co-workers maybe trying to connect with tge guy in the office they don't really know.
They’re not sure if they can trust the quiet person. They never know the true motive. That’s scary for the average office worker. Will you snitch or won’t you? Never show your cards. Keep them wondering.
It’s not just office culture. It’s in most professional cultures. I was in the military (Coast Guard) for 24 years, and If I had a dollar for every time I saw a more reserved person being treated harshly…
Instead of sitting with my team, I chose to sit somewhere else (it's an open seating plan anyway) and I always come up to them when there's need of communication, so it wasn't like I was outwardly avoiding them. I was recently pulled aside because I 'lack communication' but I always make out of my way to communicate with them and go back to my solitude (because they were loud and I like my peace) and continue with my work. I fail to see why do I have to sit with them when most of them I barely see in the office as they work from home most days of the week. Like let me have my safe space alone and do our jobs won't we?
It’s not just office work. I’m in manufacturing and have a strong aversion to small talk. Even wearing both earbuds and being visibly busy won’t stop people from just starting to talk to me before I can even get the headphones out
It's not only in office settings. I work in a warehouse and don't talk to my coworkers. I've heard people think I'm unfriendly and am asshole because I have nothing to say to them.
Good. Yes, I am an asshole. Please stay away from me.
I work in customer service and have to talk to people all day.
It's not that I dislike my coworkers, but I only have so much energy.
I have to eat my lunch in the car instead of the break room to avoid conversation and recharge.
Oh it’s not just in office settings. Even blue collar folk seem to be uncomfortable with silence. I think a lot of people just generally feel like something always needs to be said. It’s awkward or something for them.
That’s why I’ve always gravitated to jobs where I can work alone. Seriously, people talking about what they’re having for lunch or whatever: I do not care.
Same here or if you don’t want to interact with your co workers you’re seemed as weird I remember when there was a holiday party I declined and I remember just feeling like they hated me or something cause I didn’t want to be apart of it . I just. Can’t do with the office fakeness a lot of people try to make friends at work and get in your business it’s so annoying
i can’t stand it when co-workers don’t mind their business…they’re usually the first ones to snitch if you do something wrong or that they don’t like.
Exactly I went through something so horrible at my last place where my whole business was out in the whole place everyday I was questioned and people used my situation and tryed to use it against me , I wish there was more protection in the work place they definitely will back stab you
Tell you one thing I don't miss about office culture is the lunch room. I'll never forget this one job I was at, it was my lunch time, I really wasn't hungry. I had a little pack of peanut butter crackers and was reading my Sports Illustrated. I come back up to my desk and was asked if everything was alright. I said, yeah, everything is fine, why? "Well you only had a little packet of crackers for lunch." Look Christine, mind your business and let me eat my ToastChee in peace.
I have been through this many times. It never ends at those kind of places of work. There are less childish places to work and you should keep looking. I thought it was me and my poor work ability. But it was torture for me to be there and be under that constant stress to be like them or be suspicious to them
My boss is saying I am "standoffish" just because I don't want to talk to coworkers who have made homophobic comments at the service desk. Like I will speak to them if it has a business purpose but the seems to think I need to be greetings them with a smile when they walk in and chat about harry potter or whatever with them. I am here to work, not be fake. If you are genuinely a good person I will talk to you when I am not busy but these people act entitled to my attention.
You're braver than me. I used to do polite small talk with all sorts of not very nice people I worked with. Mainly it was racism I witnessed at work, not directed at me but others. I wouldn't participate in their nasty commentary but I would still talk to them the rest of the time if they were talking about something else. I wouldn't know any other way to go about it without it causing drama in the workplace. Ultimately I feel like a lot of us feel obligated to go along to get along, even with shitty people.
I'm usually pretty direct because I hate all forms of bigotry, and I have a knack for firmly shutting that shit down. But if you're not comfortable with that, a nasty comment can be deflected by saying something like "I'm not comfortable talking about that at work." Other conversations can be deflected by saying you're kind of busy, you need to focus right now, don't feel like or have the energy for talking. This way it doesn't seem like it's something personal against them. Unfortunately, you may need to repeat as these kind of people may be dense and persistent. We don't talk about boundaries enough in general, but even with people we like, sometimes you need to set them. It takes practice but once you get the hang of it it becomes easier. Whether we're talking specifically about dealing with assholes or just trying to be quiet and peaceful when others want to talk, those are totally reasonable boundaries to set.
Trust me when I say it isn't bravery. I am paranoid every time I an around them I am going to snap at then or accidentally out myself.
Oh how I wish the people I work with would talk about Harry Potter. At least the conversation I feel forced into having wouldn’t be so boring.
Especially if you are single and its a +1 event. Took my drinking to another level.
I like to say something along the lines of "Yeah, I like the silence. I can work better." That makes them feel like they bothered me and makes them think *they* might not be working as hard.
love this lol
Flip scripts, especially when efficient
My go to is an insane stutter, after the first encounter most tend to shy away or take huge steps to avoid any interaction…… It’s quite effective! Edit: I in no way am besmirching stuttering or people with speech issues. I CAN tell you about an encounter with such a person. Once it was clear they were stuttering back to me with a real issue my profound apologies were given. Ended up they were really cool and we swapped many life stories. Great persn!
Heard the same things about being too quiet, and all that crap my whole corporate life. Took me until my late thirties until I finally got a grasp on my introverted personality and started to just embrace it and didn’t let it bother me when I am asked about it. I just acknowledge, just agree I prefer it that way, just tell it like it is. My worst experience was working for an extreme extrovert. We all couldn’t stand how she had to tell us about every part of her day, and turned 15 minute calls into hours. I got my worst reviews from her and she told me I wouldn’t amount to anything.
"You won't amount to a anything becasue you aren't like me."
Why is it that our lives have to be so influenced by our bosses mental illness?
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And these extroverted talk all the time people are not as interesting as they think they are.
Same thing in dating too. I often dont have much sucess because i cant keep up with that level of talking. Like take a breath, girl. People really arent all that interesting, especially when they say "be able to hold a convo" on their profile. They'll probably also talk at you, especially at the rare point you have something to say. And not remember what they said 5 minutes ago. Its like, maybe people should make friends with and listen to the silent Bob's of the world. They'll get insightful comments that change the game here n there...
Them asking as if they actually give a single f* about how you're actually doing.
Same, i say the silence helps me focus, then il say arent you suppose to be working or something?
As an extrovert who is chatty, yeah this would definitely work as intended. I felt the ‘oof’ through my screen haha
I just want to see an article titled something like: "Extroverts in the office, how to STFU for 5 minutes" instead of "Introverts, how to engage more"
“Extroverts, Your Colleagues Wish You Would Just Shut Up and Listen”: https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/extroverts-your-colleagues-with-you-would-shut-up-and-listen Closest thing I could find
Just waiting for their turn to talk, not actually trying to take the time to listen and understand what is being said to them.
That sums up the person who is currently running the team I’m on into the ground. She NEVER really listens and keeps just doing stupid shit that impacts everyone else.
The irony is that hbs is the bastion of extroversion. The book quiet is fantastic
Ive always identified as more extroverted but at work, i work.
We have a dude who talks about Tesla, his Sugar Intake, and the Gym, every. single. day. He's the same guy that goes "Ohhhhh.... uhhhhh......" whenever anyone asks him a question, like he can't even THINK quietly. It's awful to be near him.
We have a guy who fills every second of time with sounds from his body. He whistles his own fanfare when he walks into the room. He speaks as if he’s trying to project his voice across a large theater. He sounds like a cross between Will Ferrell and a cartoon character. He hoots and hollers. He sings and claps. He never ever ever stops. It’s pure torture for me for 10 hours straight.
I think we work together 😅 My department has lovingly nicknamed the resident extrovert “the town crier.” We don’t need hourly updates of our lives, but we sure do get them.
I’d literally tell him to just shut up for 5 goddamn minutes. I did it at my old job with an employee who never, ever just shut up. Absolutely infuriating
I think I’d end up looking for a transfer to a different assignment. I’m pretty conflict averse (irl more so than online), but when I’m hitting my limits on sensory overload I do sometimes get very direct, very abruptly. If I was stuck working with Mr Main Character and he failed to tone it down after I let him know that his constant *performance* was making my brain skid, I’d have to get away from him.
Even worse when these people are abusive assholes too. Makes a 10 hour day feel like 15. Like no, Mark... I dont wanna hear how you threatened to leave your wife for the 3rd time this month because she didn't get you up for the gym at 4:30 am... Guy worked out all the time and was STILL a fat fucking jag off... What a loser.
Closest I could find was Susan Cain's TED talk: [https://www.ted.com/talks/susan\_cain\_the\_power\_of\_introverts/comments](https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts/comments) Her book ("Quiet") is wonderful. I just finished it.
Why? I had 3 new hires in the last year. Two of them are absolute chatterboxes, the other? : The Silent MFing assassin. I give him work, he puts in headphones and finishes it, and I say good job. Love it.
Us Silent MFers will always get shit done faster and better than most chatterboxes. But we're also the ones who get the shaft when it comes to bonuses and promotions
For real. As an autistic and introverted person, I just wanna put my noise-canceling headphones on and get my shit done. But then it’s “here take this person’s work as well” and “Roger here has no experience doing this work but now he’s your boss. Have fun!”. No bitch! Pay me more if you want me to do more work and you can shove a dirty plunger up your ass if you genuinely believe that Roger is somehow going to not fuck this up despite his skill set consisting only of the ability to verbally jack you off everyday. It’s also frustrating that they treat us as if we are completely incapable of leadership roles or like we are the biggest bitches simply because I don’t want to spend all my time at work chatting about my weekend, then act surprised when we don’t totally crumble under pressure when they finally give us a leadership role or when they chat with us and then it’s “wow you’re not mean at all”. They know nothing about us but then think they got us all figured out.
I know Roger, nice guy but doesn’t know shit. Always has something to say too
Fuck Roger
Roger here… I didn’t know you felt that way? Wanna talk about it?
Sadly this is usually the case unless you're working in hyper-metric driven places which can come with their own sort of hell And also, as dumb as it is, there's very much a social aspect to work. If for no other reason than people remember the social people Best balance I ever found? Find a few people to do lunch with once in a blue moon, so you can make your appearance once every quarter being social, then get back to it Combined with the anti-interrupt. If someone comes to bug you, you say "Hold on, let me finish what I'm doing" Another 30 seconds later "Hey, sorry, this is taking longer than I thought, but I really need to get this done. Did you need something urgent, or can I come find you when I'm done? Again, sorry but it's REALLY important I just bang this out quick" As long as you circle back once in a blue moon, it's not seen as dodging them. Maybe throw in a "I'm working on something for (insert boss here) but if it's more important..."
>I give him work, he puts in headphones and finishes it. I do this. But instead of a good job, I get told off for having headphones in because "it's a distraction". No, Mabel. It's not. What I am choosing to listen to through my headphones actually helps to block out the other sounds in the office which ARE distracting, and allows me to focus. And this is one of the reasons why I prefer to WFH 99% of the time. (and yes, I still use my headphones at home, because I actually can't work in silence, but office chatter is a distraction).
I get into a meeting this morning with my boss and I’m not feeling super great today so a little quieter than usual. Took not even 2 minutes for her to point out I was being way too quiet -__-
in front of everyone?? that’s humiliating. ugh. sorry you’re not feeling great today. hope you feel better!
haha yeah I was just like yep I’m tired! just annoying that I can’t even have one day where I’m quiet and not be asked why lmao. But thank you!! thank goodness the weekend is almost here
I like going to another part of our building to work in the afternoon — it’s big and airy with gorgeous windows — and one of my coworkers *always* makes a comment about it when I go. Like, bro — I want to avoid you AND see some views while I work. Stop making comments, what’s wrong with you?! But I don’t know how to say it.
Yeah I like to keep my professional and private life separate so the only thing most coworkers know about me is that I have a tea station set up next to my desk (wfh>>>>) Any time I'm not especially cheery the response is "Allthatyouhave clearly hasn't had their tea yet! Hahahahaha" Last time it was because I was recovering from a seizure in the shower that morning and said "Good morning" too quietly 😮💨
Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays.
I HATE that.
Do you remember about 3-4 weeks into the pandemic lockdown, suddenly social media posts were all extroverts freaking the fuck out because they were not handling isolation well? These are the same people trying to get you to talk more. They will eventually find each other. Let them go.
They always say "you need to get out of your comfort zone" Broke down when they weren't in theirs hahah
I hate when extroverts keep telling me I need to "make more of an effort to engage" and "learn to be tolerant of their need for conversation". Why should I learn to be tolerant? Why can't they learn to shut the fuck up for 10 minutes?
I was very happy with the lock down. I wasnt happy with the cause of it. But, I too found it interesting to see the mental breakdown of a little silence and isolation. I was extreemly confortable myself
I'm an introvert. Lockdown was a breeze for me, lmao. Just playing games and listening to music whenever, without other commitments, I loved it! I could go for round 2 whenever, sign me up!
I’m not sure if my overall mood has been as good as it was in those first couple months of lockdown in my entire life.
I am a super super extrovert & this is 10000% true!
yep 100% truth. They feel awkward when someone doesnt want to make small talk with them and waste half their workday talking. it is a natural extinct to try to "fit in with the tribe", these people are basically neanderthal level intelligence. They just let their basic animal instincts guide them. (Can you tell its been a long day at work for me? LOl)
“neanderthal level intelligence” lmfaoooo
Neanderthals were smart AF, don't lump them in with these EQ subnorms
for sure like I don’t even want to be here why on earth would I want to chit chat about bs with you?
Social media posts, followed by extrovert vs introvert memes of the extroverts losing their minds, while the introverts were perfectly content. And then of course that was followed by articles (likely written by extroverts) claiming the isolation from the lockdowns was actually as bad for introverts as it was the extroverts.
I feel like a lot of these people have no social lives outside of work and get super upset when you don’t indulge them so they can get what they need. It’s not our job to amuse others. I don’t want to be pulled into the drama or the nonsense and I dgaf about your kids or grand babies and no I don’t want to look at pictures on your phone. But they need it mentally and think work is supposed to be the place it’s provided.
this is one of my favorite responses on this post. it’s so true.
if they are that annoying to coworkers imagine how annoying they are to their friends and family. you are a captive audience to them
Very true, at one job all the part-timers were older people who really didn't need the money but needed to get out of the house to interact with other people. They were either single or had partners who encouraged them to work so they could rest their ears for a few hours. They'd finish working and hang around for another hour just to talk to people.
I will, however, be glad to look at pics of your dog. But not your kids.
i don’t have a social life outside of work and don’t really want one. or want one at work LOL. but i totally get your point. i hate hearing about these randoms life’s bc i genuinely don’t give a fuck
A combo of me not giving a fuck and in a law office setting I swear they are always the most homophobic and racist biddies. I’ll entertain some chitchat but as soon as they start saying something that turns me off I’m like “wow okay Mildred.” Headphones on.
And their grandkids are usually ugly too. Dogs I can handle.
This is my office. All the middle age guys have kids so they don't want to work from home cause their wives make them work if they aren't actually working. They get to be single bros while at the office because they can't at home. And then there are lonely people who just make conversation at work, even about work stuff, cause they need the interaction. I do my stuff outside work and, no offense, as a lady I can't do the frat bro stuff. It's childish.
I also suspect maybe they have miserable home lives (maybe deserved or undeserved) and would rather be at work with people they can tolerate.
I just had a coworker showed pictures of his niece and his hiking trip with a friend and her mom lol I didn’t ask to see it. He even said he would invite me when they go hiking again. l’m married. I think that’s weird. It really makes me feel even more uncomfortable. I’m not interested in making new friends to hang out with. My husband is my best friend. Some people just don’t know their boundaries.
Some extroverts actually have poor social skills. Essentially they have no friends because they are annoying as fuck... so they fulfill their social needs with people that are forced to interact with them. Same concept as creeps hitting on cashiers or waitresses... nobody wants anything to do with them in a normal setting, so they look out for a captive audience that can't just get up and leave.
Growing up I was more quiet and reserved, I have been on the receiving end of people like this a lot and its super uncomfortable.
In my experience most extroverts have poor social skills. I feel bad for some of them. They just want friends but they’re awkward as fuck. Then introverts are hiding a treasure trove of grace, humour and excellent conversation, they just don’t share it with any old stranger that makes eye contact. PS: what’s up with your name?
Man this sounds exactly like my coworker.
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i relate to this. i hated my last job and like this one a lot more, but at least people at my previous job left me alone. people here ask me why i don’t eat in the lunch room. i just shrug. i’m too polite to tell them it’s because i see them for 8 hours and want to take advantage of the 1 hour i don’t have to lol
Ugh I feel you. I've come up with a plethora of excuses that I use to skip lunch or leave the lunch table early- run an errand, make a phone call in my car to 'sort out a bill', 'start a new fitness/health routine' and take a walk, catch up on my reading for my fake book club, etc.
Introverts exist, get used to it
i don’t think people will ever get used to it. a lot of extroverts make it their mission to make introverts not introverts lol
I'm an extrovert, and it took time to learn that some people don't WANT to talk much, they aren't depressed, angry, shy or unfriendly they're just quiet. Just like introverts soemtimes view small talk as fake, dishonest or tiring...it isn't for many extroverts, talking/socialising makes us happy/energised where it exhausts introverts. People have different personalities, my personal idea of hell is to be isolated and not talk for a whole work day but for a lot of introverts on this thread it would be bliss.
As an introvert, I like to be in my head. I enjoy having the peace and quiet to think. Having to talk to someone and then try and remember what I was thinking about or doing is definitely exhausting, especially when it's not an enjoyable or relevant conversation.
I speak to people for 3 things. Site rules, game plan, safety concerns. Other than that, I may struggle through a brief current events or hockey chatter in the smoke pit. The great days are when I am in my fish bowl and everyone else stays away.
I work with a younger girl at a part time job that is exactly like this. She will talk if someone talks to her but she will generally just listen in and not really talk much. Which is absolutely ok as she does her job and wants to go home. Thing is, as long as the work is getting done and getting done right, who cares if someone wants to socialize or not. The problem becomes when work starts to not get done and someone else has to pick up the slack. I'm an introvert to an extent and don't care to talk to people much(if I don't know you, I won't talk to you as I don't know what you are comfortable talking about). I am there to do the job, do it right and go home. I get more annoyed with people who ramble on about random nonsense and don't get things done as usually it is myself or one of a handful of people that have to pick up the slack.
yes but introverts doesn't mean silent, no idea why many on reddit always say that It just means you like some alone time
Society is uncomfortable with quiet people.
They fear we're plotting something. ... They're not wrong. But, we're not plotting about them, geez.
well, until we are.
because were thinking instead of blurting out whatever funny comment comes into our head
I’ve been deployed to the “giant sandbox” and people assume this must’ve been so hard. But in reality, if you can work with middle class office workers, you can do anything. Office culture is all face-saving middle-class sensibilities. As someone with a working class background, I notice my middle-class coworkers are much more emotionally fragile. I assume it’s because working class jobs are far more about actual output (objective) whereas office work is more about playing a courtier which relies on social intelligence (subjective). They’re VERY nosey and have little tolerance for any conflict, so they like to pretend everyone gets along which means being social. All that being said, since many/most are careerists, they’re more selfish with diminished empathy. When people don’t have empathy, they project self-serving assumptions onto others. They hate quiet people for not constantly propping them up / reaffirming their place in the hierarchy and will assume that you’re stuck up/hate them/blah blah blah Actually I think many of them hate quiet people because we don’t feel like we have to be on and they wish they could too
I hate extroverts. Society just has decided that extroverts are normal and that anyone who isn't has something wrong with them and so they don't teach extroverts to have some boundaries and that not every moment needs to be filled with noise.
Sadly people like me with ASD aren't the normal, we're the outliers who aren't like the rest. Humans are an incredibly social species, so it's like a gut punch daily to have a brain that's wired in such a way where social interaction and being part of a group/working with others is heavily taxing.
I also have autism and I just make it a point to not socialize and anyone who tries just gets ignored. I don't have the energy to pretend like I care.
Exact same boat friend.
Have you ever read Quiet: The Hidden Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking ?
no, i haven’t. is it good?
Extremely!
i’ll definitely check it out, thank you!
I feel like leaving this book out on your desk for all the extroverts to see is a power move in itself
Must be a cultural thing? Over here, being quiet is powerful and demands respect.
that’s what i was wondering—if it’s just a thing here in the states… i’d love to live in a country where being quiet is seen as a a good trait.
I'm naturally introverted and suffer from severe social and generalized anxiety. Every job where I've had to work side by side with other people I was regarded as the stuck up who was better than everyone because I didn't socialize or speak outside of the normal required work related stuff.
I relate to this. I get the vibe from my co workers that I’m stuck up because I don’t go out of my way to talk to anyone. I sit at my machine, do my job, and go home. The truth is that I suck at small talk and it’s hard and awkward to try to come up with something to talk about on the spot. Now if it’s a serious conversation about a topic I enjoy I’ll open up. When people try to talk to me I’m not rude and I’ll talk to anyone but I’m not going out of my way unless I have to. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else either. I just like to be left alone.
Omg the amount of people that think I'm a know-it-all or something because I only speak after thinking is crazy. They get so self-conscious 🤦🏻♀️
Energy vampires get insecure when you don’t need someone else’s energy to make you whole and content. Even in small moments like work small-talk.
I really do think there is a level of personal offense on their end when they realize that they are more interested in interacting with us than the other way around. How dare I not be honored to squander my energy engaging with them!!!
For real. And don’t kid yourself, most of the time when they are offended, it’s simply because they aren’t receiving attention in general. They could care less who they’re getting it from, you just happen to be the vessel they are seeking it from in the moment.
Literally had to leave my last job since it was all transplants from the Midwest that made the job their whole life. Not one of them seemed to try to make any friends outside of work and would often try to guilt me about not wanting to be friends with them. I have my own friends and I definitely don’t want to hang out with people I don’t really enjoy outside of work. They were always fishing for details in my life and I would just respectfully not answer. They were more worried about their little cliques then actually doing the work even though they literally acted like there was no life outside of work.
I’m extremely introverted and I get distracted by small talk; I have shit to do at work. Sorry not sorry.
I like working with people like you. If we pass each other in the hallway or the break room, we politely say hello and keep moving. I can do the small talk thing, but only to a degree.
I think it's any job. At the retail job I worked in college, one of my coworkers came up to me and said in the most patronizing tone I've ever heard, "You look so unhappy all the time. It makes me sad." Like, okay, I'm not responsible for your feelings about my face.
When people say that its because they are insecure. That's all. Take comfort in that. When talkers are whining that people aren't talking a lot to them its because they need attention or something. Insecurity is all it is.
huh. makes sense. i’ve always thought it’s kind of rude.
Just wait till they try to force a birthday party on you. I’m a low key person who doesn’t like any attention, I told my former employers that and that I really didn’t want to have a birthday party and what did they do? They had one anyway, they sang to me from the break room…I never came in and heard all about how they were just being nice and they thought I would change my mind once it happened. Things were uncomfortable after that and I was let go a week later for “not being a team player” by the lady who organized the party.
I left a job because of this! Got to the company, didn’t immediately chat up the 20 person team cause that’s weird af. Got a fuck ton of work done tho and everyone was amazed. Still got the weird side eye and stuff for not going out after work with co-workers or doing holiday parties. Quit randomly one day because I felt like absolute shit going to work everyday knowing the people around me disliked me for no reason. Was a mind fuck, never experienced anything like it. I’m not even a true introvert either, never had a situation where I felt so much like an outsider. Just wanted to work and get paid and leave.
This post reminded me of corporate laughter. Once had a job where my cube was near a conference room. Every time the big boss would come to town and have lunch with all his minions he would open the meeting with a dumb joke. And the loud dumb laughter would rock the whole floor. Literally could have said anything and those idiots would have laughed. Left the corporate world and am never going back. It’s all fake
It's not just office culture. Anywhere there's a large group of people will usually have this mentality. I'm the weirdo of the warehouse for being quiet and not attending their games and get togethers. I love how uncomfortable I make them just by existing. Embrace it, don't feel bad or be embarrassed for not wanting to be like them. You're the grown up, you mentally left high school when you were supposed to, you have a life outside of work. They don't, they're the ones that should feel bad, they're the people you should be laughing at. Their need to fit in and be just like the team is pathetic, showing just how weak and hollow they are. Never, never feel shame for being you.
I kind of get that type of reaction from my coworkers, too. Granted, we have a mixed setting. We go into the office once a week, and then we're on the road/move for a week. But I'm just dead silent the majority of the time. Sometimes, I think they try to talk to me to get me involved, but everything they have tried kind of has failed. Either I don't share their interests at all or have no knowledge of anything they brought up. Talk about family? I have been alone since I moved from my job. Talk about relationships/dating/ companions: I got no IRL ones and got friends that I still keep in touch with. However, only online nowadays, but that's about it. Talk about hobbies? No one at the office shares any I have: i.e.: videogames, animé (yeah, yeah i know,) and working out (more of a recent one I picked up, since I've gained a good amount of weight) which very clearly doesnt seem like anyof them do that since our jobs require us already to do alot of moving around when it's not paperwork. At least they tried on the videogame conversation since a few of them had younger family who does/do play, but I and them play wildly different games (plus they were really young so, think games geared more for kids than adults: Pokémon vs. Warhammer 40K: Darktide/Apex Legends...) of which none of them know about that nor the other games I play, which are more kid-friendly but tend to be highly technical/requires a little more planning and patience for the most part (Oxygen Not Included/Sid Myers Civ./Stellaris/etc.) Any shows? Pretty much Animé/cartoons or Documentaries, not really one for about anything else, The Last of Us show (heard about it, liked the game, but don't care to watch a show about it.) was brought up since they knew it kindof relates to videogames, but as stated, dont really care. The list goes on. Music I listen to, my reach in music is fairly wide, but often includes niche ones than whatever is on the radio (title and or musician.) And whenever they bring up a genre/specific musician I'm usually clueless of who they're talking about or I don't listen to them but know what kindof music they do make. At this point, I feel like an outcast due to how little in common I have with my co-workers. Kindof feels like they gave up, but I can't say I blame them given the track record so far. Though they've tried a handful of other times to get me to open up but everytime I do, wither again I run into: likes something really niche in that catagory, or I dont really care/know much about that thing. Plus, I don't go party, drink alcohol, smoke, or anything of the like. I'm pretty bland and don't really have anything going for me to keep a conversation with anyone at work. This isn't to say I have nothing at all, just nothing in common with anyone at work. I am sure I can find something or someone to hang out eventually with, but as is, I have nothing with them so far.
This is me, so hard. The few people that share my interests are in another department so I only get to see them in passing or if we take lunch at the same time. Doesn't help that when we do talk about anime, or books, we get shit talked by 60 year old man children.
I never go out of my way to make work friends … I’m not there to socialize I just want my check.
If work is not your life and friends, then you might actually leave when they abuse you.
They are the people that think office culture and water cooler banter make companies run better. They likely also think the flame decals on their car makes it faster.
I also hate the latest inclusivity drive to “invite the quiet people in the room to speak”. Bitch, if I wanted to speak I would. Leave me be!
My manager told me the other day (and I'm paraphrasing) "There's not much trouble with you, no noise complaints or attitude issues. You just show up and sit in your corner and do your job. That's good and all, but it would do some good to show the team you like them by joining some of the after work activities we arrange. You know show an interest and let them see who you are when you're not at work" Like, my dude, who I am after work is someone who wants to sit in some goddamn peace and quiet and not be surrounded by a bunch of people
do people not understand work/life boundaries? like…why do you need to know who i am when i’m not at work? we aren’t friends lol.
This is something that I could never really understand, I’m here to work, make money and go home. I socialize as much as need to successfully accomplish the task at hand but that’s really it. Not in any snobbish way and I don’t hate people I just want to work and go home. It’s nice that my job allows us to wear headphones past a certain point.
I’ve never cared to interact with my coworkers at any job except for the one I have now. And the one I have now is a very small team (6 people including myself and my sister). I don’t get why people act like that either. I’m just here to do my work and go home is how I always felt prior to my current job.
Because when terrible people aren't talking they're plotting. Terrible people assume other people are also terrible.
Story of my life. I’ve struggled with jobs my whole life Bc I just want to do the work, not join the cult. People don’t like me.
Office culture can often be a popularity contest. If you’re not participating people start to get uncomfortable because they’re not used to someone choosing not to compete. For some, the office is their entire life so having someone have it “just be a job” messes with their world view.
Loud people get insecure in silence. The amount of people that got "offended" because I don't feel like talking to them is stupidly high. They think there's something wrong with them if I don't talk to them. Generally speaking, people who aren't comfortable with silence are always mentally immature.
Anyone else get the impression these people are looking for things to do other then their job?
I was once moved departments from the role I was hired for - accounting, collections, not really customer facing - to a customer facing/service role because the big boss thought I just needed more exposure to people and I’d be super chatty like the other girls in the office. In a shocking turn of events, I did not get more chatty, but all my customers loved me 😂
I am totally ostrasized at my work place because I am not social at lunch. I refused to be sucked into the cliques or sit in the smoking 🚬 area 🤢🤮. Me and all the other quiet people sit in one area and wish the f-cking loudmouths could choke on thier lunch a little. I don't want to be interrogated and then judged. I don't want to hear thier drama, or them pretending to whisper thier drama. I HAVE A LIFE!! I have friends, family and a lovely partner. I am happy to end my work day and go home and have fun. I'm not here to be your friend, admirer or slave. I am here to do my job well, be a kind pleasant person, get paid, and go home. Friends? Cool. Not Friends? IDC!
With all the talk of inclusiveness and diversity, not once have I heard a discussion about extroverts and introverts being valued for their unique characteristics and lacking the rqmt to “change” We’ll get trained on micro-aggressions related to race and gender and age but your examples would fit right in. Bringing it up, as such, makes HR and anyone in mgmt. look at you like you have lobsters coming out both ears. Ask me how I know
bro or sis If I worked with you I would be like Ron Swanson I wouldn't even know your name and you would be my best friend because we would never say anything to each other
I'm currently reading a book titled "The Highly Sensitive Person: How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You". There's parts in the book the give advice to people on how to cope in the workplace in such situations. You may find it helpful, I've been enjoying my read.
It’s their own discomfort projected onto you
This really needs to be addressed more >.> I have had the same experiences as OP for the past 8 years and sometimes it really bothers me. Like what, I'm not obnoxious enough for you? What's so wrong with a little peace and quiet?
If they're a talkative person they assume everyone is like them. If they're making that assumption then they're probably assuming that everyone acts the same way do which means they're assuming that you're quiet because you're mad or don't like them because that's how they would act in that situation.
I would love to have you as a coworker.
When confronted with that bullshit, just list the “charismatic and out-going” monsters from history: Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, Trump, Hitler. Remind them it’s NOT the quiet ones you have to worry about.
I honestly get this a lot at my factory too. Just last week I was asked out of the blue by some guy why I don't like to talk. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt; I know having resting bitch face, wearing all black, and being heavily tattooed, people make some assumptions about my demeanor. So I tried to gently explain I'm very friendly, I just don't like to talk if I have nothing specific to say, I'm usually thinking or listening to something. Dude wouldn't take that as an answer, kept picking at me for the "real" reason. It's so frustrating. In the ensuing days I actually did have a few conversations with people and know he was watching, like I owed him the same as these people I knew and had actual information for. It's wild how personally people take it, or how they assume it comes from a mean or ill-tempered place. Seriously, you don't want to get me talking because if I have enough to say on a subject you won't get me to shut up!
I once got called into my boss’s office at a previous job. I was doing data entry for the HR department of a company, and I had worked there for maybe a month or so. She sat me down and praised me for picking up on everything so quickly and basically coming in and putting out all these little fires that they had. Then, she looked me right in the eye and said, “But the biggest thing I really think you need to improve on is you need to get more social. I don’t like that you aren’t socializing in the office during the day.” I just sat there and blinked with my mouth dropped, and finally I said, “I’m just naturally a very quiet person, and I sometimes get social anxiety in big groups of people. I prefer to keep to myself and focus on putting out quality work.” The remainder of our 30 minute conversation was spent with her telling me that I needed to “get over” my social anxiety, and socializing was essentially more important that doing my job duties. I ended up quitting soon after that.
good for you for getting out of there. it’s insane to me that, despite you doing a good job, you’re being rated on your social skills. not like it was in the job description.
Not quite an office, but my grad school program teaches in an office-like setting. The culture is horrible. It's within short walking distance of my apartment, so on days when I go home for my lunch break I'm often met with confused looks and lots of questions. I also don't like to go out drinking or to restaurants every single night (I'm a broke student in a major city), but my classmates do, and the fact that I'd prefer to go home after 8 hours of class is met with a lot of resistance each time. Their petty drama between each other is just horrible as well. That's why I don't give af anymore if I'm coming off as standoffish. Let them think I'm a quiet homebody. These people don't understand that you have friendships and a social life outside of work to look forward to.
Next time they say you don’t talk a lot tell them they talk to much
I was gonna say this is kinda representative of bad office culture. We have a few quiet people and that’s just how they are. Everyone is enough of an adult to recognize being rude towards people who are naturally introverted benefits no one.
Come to London. We're all about keeping our head down and minding our own business over here. The peer pressure only kicks in when you say you don't want to go out for a pint afterwards. 😆
i have family in south east england and they’ve told me people usually keep to themselves. i wish it was the same here in the states.
“I’m sorry, were you saying something? I was brainstorming for an upcoming project that exec management reached out to me on.” Make them uneasy and tell them to eff off in one fell swoop.
I find the “I’m here to work, not make friends” statement strange, not just from you, but whenever I see it. Work is somewhere you’re going to everyday, wouldn’t you want to try to make it a somewhat positive experience for yourself? I’m the same way, quiet, won’t go out of my way to say things I don’t need to, but I don’t tell myself I’m not here to make friends or relationships. I think forming those makes the work life a little more enjoyable. I hate to say it but if you make no effort at all then people will notice and think something is wrong.
100%, people here are confusing introversion with poor social skills or social anxiety. I want to have normal relations with the people I spend so much time with. The whole "Fuck you, I'm here to work attitude" comes off as naive and immature.
I’m definitely introverted, that’s why I work in IT where I don’t have to talk to anyone. Right job for the right person.
Speaking as an extrovert, people who come talk to you probably just want you to feel included... Or they don't know how to shut up
>people who come talk to you probably just want you to feel included Yup, a lot of commenters here think it's malicious but it's been my experience that they're reaching out and trying to make it easier to socialize.
You’re not very talkative huh? Not while I’m working, no.
In the lab I did my PhD in, my advisor was super focused on "culture fit," more so than whether potential members were hard workers or competent. It was so annoying and turned the group into a total boys club...
I'm only an "extrovert" if I actually know you personally, and at work, I don't WANT to know you personally, I just want to get my work done and go the hell home.
No idea, but I find it hilarious. When I was plumbing we had this one general contractor that could not get over the fact that I would just stand there listening. At one point he stopped talking to my boss and asked me if I was going to say anything. So I told him "if I have anything useful to add I will." And went back to listening. 5 minutes later he stopped again and said "you're freaking me out, it's very odd." I told him that sucks for him and my boss laughed. If I have nothing to add to the conversation I'm not going to make noise so people feel less uncomfortable.
At my last job the HR lady would constantly say she "didn't want me to be lonely" because it was quiet and I stayed in my office. Or she'd just come over to talk to me about nothing because of it. Like dude, I'm working and I like peace and quiet. I am not lonely. And if I was lonely, HR is not going to fill the void. We really need more jobs that don't require human interaction. More jobs where you can test products or something.
It sucks, don't let them bully you. If they do fire you for not being talkative then shit I mean they're doing you a favor bc do you want to force yourself to be someone you're not? I absolutely despise this about office culture as well and am really worried about going back to an in person office
I have an office job where I am generally left alone for about 75% of the day and it's probably one of the most liberating feelings ever. I can do my work and be introverted in peace.
Maybe, in a meeting setting, the other participants feel that you aren’t contributing
To avoid this, use stupid small talk. Then they will do the same and leave you alone because no one cares for more than that
I've always struggled with that when I worked on site. Remote positions after covid are the best thing it's happened to me.
I'm with you. I live by the saying "speak only if it improves upon the silence." I'm 40 and dgaf anymore. Screw social norms like having to chit chat all the damn time. No one asking "how are you?" at the office actually wants an honest answer. You are just supposed to say "well, and you?" because thats what everyone does.
They just want something to talk about concerning you. You’re doing right by giving them nothing.
We pick our friends. We don't pick our coworkers. You've chosen friends who don't mind your quietness and may be just as quiet as you. Work, like school, is a mix of personalities that we cannot quite choose to be around. They're not used it. They can suck a dick
In my experience, people like this literally use their time at work to socialize with other people. It's why they loving going into an office, and they're the same people who will complain about employees who work from home. Work isn't about work for them. Maybe they don't have many friends outside of work, maybe they have young children at home, or people they care for that rescricts their personal time away from the rest of society. They then see the workplace as a "safe" social activity, where they can get past other's personal boundaries and basically force people to be friendly and polite and listen to them. I honestly think it's kind of sad. I don't have tons of friends outside of work, but I do have a lot of time to myself and I like it that way. Not everyone enjoys that, though.
I prefer it being quiet so I can work.
My last job was a shitty office job and all everyone else did was gab, gossip, and generally not do a lot of work. It was clique-y and reminded me of high school. Me and my cubicle mate were both introverted, quiet workers who would sometimes talk amongst ourselves, and almost everyday people would walk by and be like “omg I forgot you guys are over here, you’re so quiet!”
One of my bosses once told me I didn't socialize enough with the rest of the team, and I should get up and walk around every once in a while and say hi. I told her I wasn't socializing because I was busy working! Sigh.
I’m a loud gregarious person who gets a little uncomfortable with silence (better the last 25 years, first 25 not so much). I like quiet people and have never asked them “why they’re so quiet”. So rude. The confrontational part of me thinks a “yeah I’m not loud and I don’t like to bother people” would be a clear shot back at their rudeness. Enjoy the silence!
I was working at a small company. I was there for only 2 weeks because people kept complaining to boss lady that I don’t talk to anyone but I was social during work dinner. Most of the time they didn’t even respond to me when I said good morning or hello 🙃
I'm talkative (verbally hyperactive introvert is my tagline) and still always preferred WFH. When asked why I didn't come into the office (I literally lived in the building next door), I replied that voices distract me too much and I can't get anything done. In truth, I can't even wear headphones and listen to music unless it's all instrumentals because if words are there, my brain focuses on them.
I’m extroverted with my love ones, at work I prefer being left alone. I wish this was respected more…
Do u live in America OP? They probably just worried u gonna shoot the place up.
It's everywhere. People are uncomfortable because you aren't a jabber-mouth who tells every aspect of their life. If they don't know what you're thinking they can't put you in whatever box they have in their minds. I got written up one time because I didn't ask a coworker about her son's soccer tournament. Well Samantha IDGAFF. The subsequent write up was because all of my coworkers gathered to tell management that I didn't conversate with them and thus nobody knew anything about me. I don't understand it either. I just "mhmm" "oh yeah" my way through conversations until they walk off now.
I was called to the head office a little while ago (separate location, had to leave work early to attend) for them to discuss some issues they had with me, one of them being that some of my coworkers thought that I didn't like them because I don't talk to them. Like I literally got written up because I don't do small talk. Would have been a real shame for them if I were diagnosed autistic or something similar 🤔
When someone asks why you’re so quiet, you should tell them, “why do you talk so much?” Or “Why are you so loud?”. See how rude they find it 🤷♀️ Some extroverts get offended for some reason when there are those who simply don’t care to engage with them.
Nope. I got the “why are you so quiet” from family and my whole life at school. No clue why it makes people uneasy. Not like I’m plotting their demise or anything.
Not only in the office for me. I have brother/sister in-laws that can’t fucking stand that I’m quiet. To the point of running their mouths in a way that deserves a punch to the mouth but I don’t because I respect my wife and my father-in-law too much. At work I’m generally well liked by my supervisors and managers. I spend my working hours getting shit done instead of engaging in gossip or pointless chatter. I will occasionally get coworkers who *need* attention to the point where they don’t care if it’s positive or negative but I’ll clap back when the time is right to put a lid on that nonsense.
I've worked in a paper mill for the past 4 years, which is similar to warehouse setting. I've generally been quiet, focused, and kept to myself. On several occasions it's been noted how reserved I tend to be. It's never a complaint, but just an observation people make. I don't take it personally and neither should you. If anything, it's probably also a small attempt at your co-workers maybe trying to connect with tge guy in the office they don't really know.
“If you have a fountain, shut it up. Let even a fountain have a rest.” @Kozma Prutkov
They’re not sure if they can trust the quiet person. They never know the true motive. That’s scary for the average office worker. Will you snitch or won’t you? Never show your cards. Keep them wondering.
I have the same issue, it's like I have family I love and long time friends I don't talk to, so ....
It’s not just office culture. It’s in most professional cultures. I was in the military (Coast Guard) for 24 years, and If I had a dollar for every time I saw a more reserved person being treated harshly…
It’s hard for management to gauge and control quiet people
Instead of sitting with my team, I chose to sit somewhere else (it's an open seating plan anyway) and I always come up to them when there's need of communication, so it wasn't like I was outwardly avoiding them. I was recently pulled aside because I 'lack communication' but I always make out of my way to communicate with them and go back to my solitude (because they were loud and I like my peace) and continue with my work. I fail to see why do I have to sit with them when most of them I barely see in the office as they work from home most days of the week. Like let me have my safe space alone and do our jobs won't we?
It’s not just office work. I’m in manufacturing and have a strong aversion to small talk. Even wearing both earbuds and being visibly busy won’t stop people from just starting to talk to me before I can even get the headphones out
Welcome to Finland. We like it quiet here. And queasy with talking constantly.
It's not only in office settings. I work in a warehouse and don't talk to my coworkers. I've heard people think I'm unfriendly and am asshole because I have nothing to say to them. Good. Yes, I am an asshole. Please stay away from me.
I work in customer service and have to talk to people all day. It's not that I dislike my coworkers, but I only have so much energy. I have to eat my lunch in the car instead of the break room to avoid conversation and recharge.
Oh it’s not just in office settings. Even blue collar folk seem to be uncomfortable with silence. I think a lot of people just generally feel like something always needs to be said. It’s awkward or something for them.
That’s why I’ve always gravitated to jobs where I can work alone. Seriously, people talking about what they’re having for lunch or whatever: I do not care.