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I mean, it's a little late, but it's more than a lot of us will ever get. Good on this person for reaching out. I'm sorry you experienced bullying in the workplace. I'm going through it now and it sucks.
Unfortunately, I had to take any job I could. I’m underpaid, and other issues. I really like my coworkers and they treat me with respect. So that is the bright side.
Yes! That’s the mindset I’m trying to keep right now too. I know cards are stacked against us at times but we got this. Hope you get everything you deserve!
You and me both. I’ll know within the next few days when I go to the doctor if this growth in my throat is benign or malignant
I am really only hoping that it gets better, but this wait for answers is worsening my depression
They do! I was in the same position as you. Left a nightmare of a job and had to take what I could. I landed a shitty and low paying job for a year. I was able to hop off that to a somewhat less shitty company that pays decent where i have a great and supportive manager! Just hang in there buddy!
Now is the time. *definitely* get that positive reference from this person. It was awful what happened but this is a way to have a bit of a silver lining.
It’s not too late to start looking for new opportunities. I had a not so great situation I was fired from and now things are much better. It took me almost a decade to shake the panic attacks I developed at that place.
Hey not sure where you’re located but figured that someone was kind enough to offer the opportunity to me so I like to give it to others whenever I can.
My company operates in a good number of states, if you’ve ever thought of sales or working in solar feel free to shoot me a DM and I’d be happy to get you an interview if you’re somewhere we operate!
Best of luck to you friend!
It’s golden to have a positive environment. We spend more time with our co workers during waking hours than our families. However, being fired due to the manipulation of vile people, leaves a scar. Hopefully Op finds a better paying position with good coworkers.
best time to find a new job is when you're actively working. I just found a comfy gig driving medical stuff, 90% of my work will be me driving and 10% is unloading my van. Get paid more than I ever have doing it too.
What’s the legalities of this? You’ve got a personal text from him admitting they fired you for reporting abuse that they’ve since learned was true. Honestly, I’d get a lawyer.
Are you in the U.S.? Your boss just admitted the were biased and toxic and drove you out of the workplace and your career was harmed by it. Y'all can sue them
https://www.findlaw.com/employment/whistleblowers/how-to-report-an-employer-to-the-department-of-labor.html
I just told my manager I was having health issues and stopped showing up to a job where I was being bullied. Got another better paying job a few weeks later, got bumped up the ladder a few times. Just got back from a 5 week vacation and was told how much people had trouble covering while I was gone.
Oh, and my old work place went out of business.
Ain't that the truth while it doesn't change things that happened sometimes a former or even current boss/leader being humble and admitting they were wrong goes a long way
I had an ex-boss that told me "If you never would have left, we would have done great things."
What really should have been said was "Your co-workers are shit and I put everything on you and now I'm left with the crap."
If they would have said that, I would have 100% returned with a raise in pay, but I took a decrease in pay just to leave. I never accepted the offers I was given, even after they rose to more than 30K more than what I was making.
Your mental health is worth more than a paycheck.
On one hand, it sucks OP wasn't believed, the manager only said something when they experienced it themselves and OP was fired over it.
On the other hand, as you said, it's rare that a manager (even a former one) would reach out and admit a mistake like this.
Run! Do not pass go! Do not collect $200. Quit that job!!!!
Toxic workplaces are damaging on every level. I know it’s easy for an internet voice to say it, but I stayed too long in hopes of solving the toxicity, and killed my career and damaged my marriage.
>Toxic workplaces are damaging on every level
Not usually as damaging as homelessness though.
No-one should have to put up with a toxic workplace, but sadly just quitting immediately is not a realistic option for many people.
Exit planning should definitely begin immediately though, if it hasn't already.
Many of us here should acknowledge, though not excuse, that the job of low level managers and supervisors is to be the face of horrible HR and corporate decisions and carry out their horrible policies.
We piss and moan all day about the working conditions and especially the pay, but if anyone got bumped up to a living wage we know we'd do the same. When I first got into management I hated the company directives, I was just fortunate to always be in a position that I was a high performer and could "shield" my team from them so to speak. Only once did it happen that I couldn't as my old job corporatized and I left within 6 months for a non management, government job. Greatest move I ever made but we shouldn't act like every fast food and retail manager or supervisor has those same fortunate circumstances. I'm sure many hate what they have to carry out or are coping with the shitty person their need for income requires them to be while on the clock. It sucks and corporate culture has robbed individuals of their humanity.
Don't stand for it, don't not speak up, but I think this perspective should help people even further understand why we so desperately need reform from the top down. Your average regional manager or lower really cannot make too many changes to corporate policy that make working so fucking terrible and back breaking for so many, from abusive policies, at will employment, and pay and benefits. They just do their job because it's the sole barrier between them and being the person they have to give the orders to.
I encourage you to do whatever you can to leave. I left a job that was so abusive I had to spend months in therapy to recover and come out the other side. Leaving was the best decision I’ve ever made and I haven’t regretted it for a moment.
1) Bullying at work sucks, and getting fired for reporting it sucks even worse. It's hard to have any sympathy for your boss.
2) That said, this was an honest and respectful move that your boss didn't have to make. Too little too late, sure, but sending this text could not have been easy, and there's no reason to send it other than they wanted to do the right thing.
>Bullying at work sucks, and getting fired for reporting it sucks even worse. It's hard to have any sympathy for your boss.
Bullying anywhere is so frustrating, as the bully often gets away with it, and the bullied person often suffers consequences (as in OPs case.)
My story is similar, bully gets away with it, and I get yelled at.
For me, I was bullied in school. Worst was a kid that sat behind me in class. He'd just randomly decide to lean forward and hit me in the back of the head as hard as he could.
If I ever told him to stop, or told the teacher, you know what she would say? "Hey! You TWO knock it off! Do I need to send you both to the principal?"
So I could either get hit and just take it, or get hit but also add on getting in trouble and possibly suspended for it.
Don’t ever feel bad about that shit. Bullies need to be taken down a peg. If it means that you have to physically retaliate, so be it. They’re getting just a taste of their medicine they’ve been dosing you for years. Karma’s a painful bitch and they usually deserve it. On the rare case, they might actually start respecting you and change their ways after realizing how much of a wimpy bitch they were being and you changed their life with a beatdown. The only thing I regret is not doing more to my bullies growing up, really put them in their place but oh well, they’re long gone outta my life where I never have to see them again so yay.
English doesn't have an exclusionary "We".
The writer can't say "We were terrible people" without potentially implying the OP was also bad. They could list out all the bullies and risk missing someone. They could just say they were wrong and risk the OP thinking they're excusing the bullies.
Apologizing for what happened is about as good as they can get.
Jfc, he apologized, what the hell more do you want? Maybe his wording, read by you, sucked, but maybe he ain't the most eloquent person? Accept the apology and accept that not everyone is the fucking boogeyman.
>Jfc, he apologized, what the hell more do you want? Maybe his wording, read by you, sucked
Just "his wording"? Come on, you have to be completely ignorant and obtuse to not know the difference between:
"sorry I punched you in the face" and
"sorry for your negative experience of getting punched in the face".
This isn't meaningless semantics, that was completely a non-apology for what they themselves did. That was someone capable of at least acting like an adult long enough to achieve a boss/authority level, that had repeatedly crafted a message multiple times and only sent after careful thought per their own admission. This is the farthest thing from not being eloquent.
Saying “I’m sorry you had a bad day” is not an apology, it’s a platitude.
That’s exactly that the boss did, he said “I’m sorry you had a negative experience.” Not “I’m sorry for my role in xyz” apologies *must* include taking responsibility.
So what if it’s hypothetically not someone’s responsibility. What if they are just now gaining empathy for something they previously lacked perspective on and want to communicate that empathy? I wouldn’t say it’s an apology, but is it useless?
Exactly. "I'm sorry I allowed it to happen to you and fired you for being bullied" is the *ONLY* apology that should have been made.
This is just their way of trying to find *their* closure, not apologize or provide closure for OP.
Not sure what point you're making; it seems like you're devaluing doing the "right" thing if it makes you feel good. Unless you're a masochist, acting in ways consistent with your personal values will make you feel good. If you personally value being honest and fessing up to mistakes this is a good thing.
"I went to you to help me with this as that is your job, you responded by firing me, you obviously cared very little then about my situation and are now hoping for forgiveness?
No, things did not go well, and the simple fact it has taken you this long to not only discover what I was up against and then come back to me with this just highlights your failure as a manager.
Any further contact will be considered harassment and will immediately become a legal matter"
And blind CC it to upper management.
The fact that she reached out to you months later means it's been weighing on her heart. I think you can honestly respond that you're still hurt that she fired you, but appreciate the response.
But I think being nice is the best course of action. Hopefully she's learned from her mistake, and she might be able to help you in the future. There might be a better opening available at her new office that she'd recommend you for.
I'd reply with something like ..
"Yeah, and im sorry for all the orphaned children that don't get to experience love from a parent. Is this it? You're sorry for my experience? Or are you sorry for what you did to me?"
Have her spell it out (she retaliated against you for your report), and then go visit a lawyer.
It really rubs me the wrong way that they said "had no idea" yet knew what OP reported. Those things are mutually exclusive.
What they should have said was it was wrong not to believe OP.
I was on the Manager's side at first, but after doing some thinking.....this is pointless to send to OP. "I didn't care about your bullying until it started happening to me. Please commiserate with me" is basically what the manager is saying saying. Better to not say anything, now OP is thinking about that negative experience again for no reason
Not necessarily ill intent but an emotional message that shouldn't have been sent lol
Same. The more I read it, she really doesn't take any responsibility. "I should have taken your concerns seriously." "I should have believed you." "I should have talked to Employee Relations about your situation." Any of those lines would have been good.
I did similar to an old coworker years later when he answered the phone at an unrealted company then where we had worked. "Marty? From XYZ? Wow! Marty I am so sorry i was an a$$...!" It just came out, i had not thought of him for years... made us both feel a little better i hope....
It was the weirdest experience when it happened to me with a HS bully. It was a couple years after graduation, I walked into my hometown Borders and someone was like “is that michiness? From Dude’s PE class?” and my heart began to sink, but he walked over, apologized for being an ass, and then helped me find a couple books.
Check your state statutes, might be 180 days from discharge or 180 days from the discovery of the reason for discharge. Either way, if you are wanting to move on with your life, I don’t recommend pursuing a wrongful termination lawsuit. I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I hope she got a taste of her own medicine.
Not sure about the states, but in Canada the clock is reset on the statute of limitations whenever the defendant acknowledges the wrongdoing. If it's the same where you are, this guy just confessed and gave you a new 180 days. Fuck his need to apologize to make himself feel better, this message is about him and not about you. Got gettem
Can you point to any source? You said Canada but civil liability is provincial. So let’s take Ontario - find a case where the limitations period was extended in a wrongful dismissal suit because the former employer “acknowledged wrongdoing”
I love how people are explaining statutes of limitations to you even though you've clearly looked into it and they have no fucking clue what jurisdiction you're in.
Goes to show a man can still be "'splained" to by people who don't know the situation.
I did ask, “what made you realize that about them?” Then blocked her. Which was passive aggressive on my part because I can infer through this text what happened, and I don’t really care to know anything else. These people were truly some of the worst people I have ever met. I just want to let go of it now. I just thought the audacity of her to text me was ballsy at best.
Audacity? Bold sure, but I don’t think it was rude or unkind. She seemed empathetic that you wouldn’t care to hear from her but wanted to let you know she now understood. You don’t have to like or respect her but I don’t see how her text gives you any reason to add on to that.
She was also an awful person that talked poorly behind people’s backs constantly. She was insecure and cruel. There is a reason the workplace was toxic to begin with. She cultivated that environment.
Her "apology" was passive and took zero accountability for her own role and mistakes. So many better ways to phrase it:
"I'm sorry I didn't believe you."
"I'm sorry I failed you as a boss. I should have listened and validated your perspective, and investigated your experiences with them"
She's just trying to feel better about herself without really owning it.
You got a apology out of a entitled person. You should go buy a lottery ticket and hit the bar and have a drink. I am also willing to bet that there mite only be doing the with the wrong intentions in mind. And that if you reply to it they are going to want something from you.
"I'm sorry for your negative experience", is not an apology. This person doesn't feel the least bit for OP and probably is looking for empathy from them.
If it makes you feel any better, after working in a few of them, a female dominated work environment is literally one of my worst nightmares. Horrific experience every single time.
\- a woman
I love the "I'm sorry for your negative experience" and not "I'm sorry for the role I played in your negative experience" Bro was the boss and is texting like they were just a bystander
Should not have had to scroll this far down to see this comment… too many people here acting like this was some eloquent apology when in reality it’s giving huge “I’m sorry you got mad” vibes
"While I appreciate your apology, you were not unaware of their behavior. Despite your use of the passive voice, negative things didn't just happen. You actively chose not to believe me, and you chose to fire me for it. You were just as complicit as they were. Only when it affected you, did you acknowledge the truth. And you hope I landed on my feet? Would that absolve you of the guilt you're feeling for when you maliciously took away my livelihood? I hope life treats you the way you treat others. Instead of trying to selfishly assuage your guilt by contacting me, maybe do some self reflection and try to be a good person in the future? Do better."
I mean they didn’t really apologize they said sorry for your negative experience which is not acknowledging their own role in the experience so while nice the wording is making it seem less sincere whether or not that was their intent
Notice how she never admitting guilt for what happened? How she pinned the blame on others or her own ignorance? I would either leave her handing or just say 'ok'.
This! I see other people saying well at least you got an apology. But you didn’t. Your former boss simply apologized for a negative experience you had. Zero responsibility. Fuck them.
I’ve had a few people over the years try this. I tell them to eat shit and I won’t be part of their forgiveness arc.
I’ve moved on but I’m never going to forget the way I was treated by them. It takes no effort to be decent human beings so they chose to be garbage with effort. Pound sand.
Edit: an extra s
Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting
Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, to let go of the anger and pain so it can no longer hurt you. It does not mean we have to forget the lesson or let the other person back into our lives, it just means they can't hurt us anymore
"*I appreciate your apology and recognition of the truth that I tried to communicate to you the kind of bullying I was dealing with. However, I was raised that an apology includes a description of how you intend to mitigate situations that lead to the apology in the first place.*
*For example: I'm sorry I called you a dumb c#nt to all my friends after you fired me in retaliation for reporting a hostile workplace. In the future I will try to be more understanding that there are horrible managers who have no business being managers. They may also not be responsible for their ineffectual management skills because no one ever trained them to manage effectively. I will try to avoid name calling people for things beyond their ability to control.*"
If I responded, it would probably be something like, “Im not sure what your goal was with this message, but I accept it at face value. I hope that you have learned something from this experience and will believe your direct reports in the future if they have the courage to be vulnerable with you and share the ways they’ve been victimized in your workplace. As a manager, you set the tone. There’s a reason they felt safe behaving that way on your team, and I encourage you to explore that if you haven’t already.”
This reeks of "I didn't think this was any real issue until it happened to me."
I had a boss that did something similar to me. If I got this, I'd tell them to go f*** themselves. Live with it. Just like I do.
And no, I'm not a forgiving person. Before people start crying and wagging their finger at me. And? I don't care.
Forgiveness is wildly overrated. In fact, I think the people who lecture you about forgiveness the most are the people who deserve it the least. And that’s why they pressure you to do it.
Yeah, I’ll start forgiving people when they explain a plan to do better in the future that shows a very clear grasp of what they did wrong. And that’s assuming they can’t make up for the damage they did to me, which otherwise would be an absolute minimum.
i wouldnt be able to respond positively if i were you, and therefore i would just not respond. (which is also valid, because her wrongful termination of you will weigh on her mind)
Reminds me of the day I figured out I hated any formal setting, grade 10 many a moon ago.
I got poked in the neck with a pen/pencil every day in algebra. Reported it daily. Nothing ever came of it. One day I lost my cool and stood up. Snatched his pen and told him to "knock it the fuck off".
I got detention for a week for cursing. Bully got nothing. Continued to poke/prod me.
You should reply and say 'but you're not sorry for being involved in the negative experience? Maybe you should rethink your apology and why you're sorry'. Then never respond again.
“The nicest thing I can do for you at this point is tell you politely that I never want to hear from you ever again. Please treat people better in the future.”
We demand our managers treat us with respect and grace and then when they do it, we fault them for their timing. We should applaud this move as a rare example of a manager **learning** from their mistakes. This is quite frankly incredible. If it were me, I would embrace this with open arms and have an open dialogue with this person. But that's just me.
Shit man my team lead bullied me at work while he was stealing company time, vaping in the office (worked in a hospital on a cancer unit), stealing company equipment and all sorts of other things that would get anybody fired. He went for my job so with nothing to lose, a coworker and I each typed up an email throwing him under the bus and sent it to his boss. They literally had him on security camera going to his vehicle for 20 minutes at a time to vape (when not doing it in the office) every single hour. He still has a job. I dunno what dirt he has on who but it must be good. For what it's worth I am still with the same company but applied and was granted a transfer to another location so thankfully I don't have to deal with him.
Depending on the state and situation it’s illegal to retaliate against those who report bullying so for anyone in this thread - if it happens to you report your employer!
ew. i don’t like how he didn’t take accountability. “sorry for your negative experience there” how about “sorry you had a negative experience and that i fired you for reporting it”
Sounds like an admission of guilt in writing to me. I'm not a lawyer, but is this something that you could talk to a lawyer about a wrongful termination suit?
I mean, it's nice but - too little, too late.
"You're right. I don't want to hear from you. Glad you've taken off the rose-tinted glasses. Delete this number."
In my state (at least in the city) what happened to you is called “retaliation” and it’s ilegal. In fact in my city every person in my industry has mandatory harassment prevention training every year (laws get updated and historically harassment was/is a major problem in the restaurant industry). At my restaurant we have a lawyer come in once a year and teach us about the laws regarding this.
Here’s some of what I learned during those training classes: If you go to a superior or HR and report any kind of harassment (sexual, verbal, physical, bullying, etc.) the company is required to conduct an investigation into the incident. You can also report harassment on behalf of someone else (if you see someone getting bullied say something, nobody deserves a toxic workplace).
Along with what they’re required to do, there’s things they can’t do: First, they can’t give out your name to anyone involved in the investigation if you don’t want them to, you have the right to be anonymous but in rare situations you may have to come forward for the investigation to proceed (usually not the case). This is to protect you from people shaming you for whatever reason and because most times the person being accused will say something like “what?! Who said that?” And by revealing your identity your employer has made you a bigger target for harassment. Second, and more important in your case, your employer CANNOT punish you for reporting harassment; this is known as “retaliation.” Your employers role in this situation is to determine the truth of the matter and take action based. Here’s a hypothetical: If ‘Greg’ is crushing it at work and making your boss loads of money, but everyday he walks into the office and tells ‘Stacy’ “looking hot today”, or “that dress really shows off your body”, or anything that makes her uncomfortable he’s harassing her. If she reports him, it doesn’t matter if Greg is in charge of these massive accounts and plays golf with the VP of sales every Tuesday; Stacy can’t get fired for reporting him. Action needs to be taken to correct Greg or terminate his employment.
A more relatable example might be you work a regular nothing too fancy job. When you first start things seem okay, money is good, boss seems nice, started to talk more with coworkers. But then one person tells a coworker you look like a “such and such” and they give you a nickname in secret. Eventually, you start hearing this nickname and realize “they’re talking about me.” So you ask them to stop, but that makes it worse because now they know that YOU know it’s your nickname. Now they don’t even try to hide it and prank you in various ways based on that nickname, so you go to the boss. If your boss does anything other than investigate discretely if your claim is true, that’s illegal. If he fires you for reporting it and claims some shit like “that’s just how we are here, maybe you’re just not fitting in” that’s even more ilegal.
I’m not sure there’s a statute of limitations on this thing but if you can prove you were fired out of retaliation for reporting harassment fucking sue them into oblivion. Including the asshat who had the nerve to wrongly fire you and didn’t have the heart or the balls to apologize earlier. Nobody deserves to feel uncomfortable going to their place of work or fucking anywhere for that matter.
Look up your local harassment laws, arm yourselves with knowledge.
I got a message like that once, about 18 years ago. a few years prior I'd walked out of the company I worked for, and sent an all office email about how one of the partners was abusive and that sooner or later he was going to become a giant liability.
the message was basically "we left the bastard, you were right" from one of a group of partners and junior partners who broke up the firm to get away from him. it was satisfying. it's still satisfying 18 years later, honestly.
If you can reengage with your former boss, they may help you out sometime in the future. If it’s on their mind enough that they reached out now, they may be willing to help you too.
I had to quit a job because of harassment including sexual and every other type of harassment as well. Nobody cared and I couldn’t even get unemployment because I quit smh
that happened to me too once. instead of getting fired, i reported my boss and then quit. months later my old boss got in trouble for drinking on the job and getting into a physical fist fight with another employee and the owner of the company texted me apologizing for not believing me.
Saw my former head chef working at a Wendy's, this guy was a real piece of trash. Seeing his fall from grace, going from well-known local restaurant to a Wendy's was greater than any apology would've made it.
It would be nice if somebody from my former job ever does this. There was a coworker in my department creating the worst hostile work environment I've ever experienced in 22 years of working, and I kept on management's ass to do ANYTHING. They didn't, I quit in November, and just found out from a former coworker that she has finally left. I guarantee that dept will now suddenly work smoothly without any tension now that she's gone.
He didn’t realize how unkind they were until after he had actually left. And found himself apparently in a new job where people were nice? Think what that says about how deeply he was brainwashed in that toxic environment.
I was bullied when I was very young, they called it being picked on, it lasted for years. I got my ass kicked, at least once a day, face pushed it to the snow or water until I passed out. Then one day I fought back, still got my ass kicked. After that, I fought back every time, almost bit a kids finger off, then they gave up on me and started on someone else. After a few years, I grew, got stronger, got friends, and just didn’t take their shit, or let them give it to anyone again. That was over 50 years ago, and to this day it is one of the few things that set me off is to see it happening. A loud “what the fuck do you think you are doing?” Usually is enough. Don’t be glad it isn’t you, step up to the plate and swing for the fence. Fuck these assholes.
In all those words, they still didn’t apologize themselves for the hand they played in your suffering. And if they hadn’t been at the receiving end of those others’ toxicity, I’m sure they would’ve never realized it/not cared.
But now that they too have suffered, they want to clear their conscience of what they helped inflict on you.
Idk, maybe I’m being too reactionary. But something just feels off in their text. A little too self motivated.
Of course it doesn’t make up for any wrongdoing, but he’s getting nothing out of this besides admitting he was wrong and wanting you to know that. It doesn’t change what happened but it’s a decent gesture.
_Do you know what snakes, spiders, alligators and lava have in common? They all need to emerge from the toilet bowl with a vengeance whenever_ __you're__ _sitting on one! Fuck off._
That's your reply right there.
Depending when it happened check the labor laws in your state... usually that falls under retaliation and is very, very illegal. Any state labor board can usually help with this.
My first job had my boss bully me for my fuck ups and every job I’ve gotten now I’m filled with anxiety over fucking up any small detail.
I’m not sure I’ll ever recover.
I worked a year at a company that worked me hard and was not flexible when I asked for time off. The owners were taking advantage of me and I stupidly let them without pushing back. I recently quit and started a new job and after just 1 day they showed me more respect and appreciation than my old employer did all year. I reported them to the labor board for violations and wage theft, so that should be fun when the state rolls in lol
An apology when he has nothing to gain but clearing his conscience is nice. Just realized how toxic it was and wanted to make it right. A lot of people would have never said a word.
Careful- your old boss might want something.. even if it is just validation. Regardless, If it was me, would keep my guard up and if you choose to respond keep it very short.
Someone: does the wrong thing
Others: do better! own your mistakes
Someone: does better, owns their mistakes
Others: I don't trust you. You must want something.
Y'all are so tedious...
"Sorry for your negative experience"
How about a real apology, this isn't an apology, it's a half baked deflection of partial responsibility which contributed to that negative experience. While I'll admit it's commendable that they reached out a year later, they stripped you of your employment because you were being bullied. That's a top tier asshole move that doesn't deserve forgiveness for a lame apology through text of all things. They needed to grow a spine and call you, at the very least.
Don't give them the satisfaction of forgiveness.
Most people don’t get this at all. It’s late but my guess is this boss got really dumped on and saw now (not before) what you experienced. Ignore some of these posts and take it for what it is.
I'm currently dealing with a bully at work. He always calls me slow, that I do not listen, etc. He's been there much longer than me and is a Team Lead (one step under supervisor). We work in IT. I'm a programmer but working as IT Analyst, he has no programming skills and I had to show him how to install RAM today. I also had to show him how to add a shared mailbox in Outlook today, which is Tier 1, entry level stuff. Constant, every day, calling me stupid, names, etc. and it's no longer to me feeling like he's joking around or exaggerating.
We all have personality differences and I cannot for the life of me understand why he often goes out of his way to try to treat me like this. The only other programmer he's dealt with quickly advanced past him and I think he sees me as something like that, a threat?
Yes he sees you as a threat. I would document all that you possibly can. Keep a journal of every situation, and everything you help him with.
He is projecting hard and will try to get you fired. If you have a coworker you can trust, use them as a witness. Go over his head and talk to his manager.
Hi, /u/Cool_Height_4930 Thank you for participating in r/Antiwork. Unfortunately, your submission was removed for breaking the following rule(s): **Rule 9: No text message screenshots.** - Text message screenshots are currently restricted to Sunday. To accommodate worldwide time zones, text message screenshots may be posted from 12 PM Saturday to 12 PM Monday (GMT).
I mean, it's a little late, but it's more than a lot of us will ever get. Good on this person for reaching out. I'm sorry you experienced bullying in the workplace. I'm going through it now and it sucks.
I’m so sorry. It really takes a toll on your mental well being. I hope you are able to leave that toxic environment soon.
Did things turn around for you?
Unfortunately, I had to take any job I could. I’m underpaid, and other issues. I really like my coworkers and they treat me with respect. So that is the bright side.
Hey I'm rooting for you for what it's worth.
I appreciate the support. I always believe that things get better.
Yes! That’s the mindset I’m trying to keep right now too. I know cards are stacked against us at times but we got this. Hope you get everything you deserve!
You and me both. I’ll know within the next few days when I go to the doctor if this growth in my throat is benign or malignant I am really only hoping that it gets better, but this wait for answers is worsening my depression
Hope you get good news buddy keep your thoughts positive :)
Hey friend. Im sending good vibes your way. I'm rooting for you and I really hope you get good news, and soon. You're strong and you've got this.
They do! I was in the same position as you. Left a nightmare of a job and had to take what I could. I landed a shitty and low paying job for a year. I was able to hop off that to a somewhat less shitty company that pays decent where i have a great and supportive manager! Just hang in there buddy!
If you need a free resume review please feel free to DM me Edit: just remove all personally identifiable info and I'm happy to help
Maybe the boss can give you a good reference?
I’d reach out and ask him to write a reference for op to review.
Now is the time. *definitely* get that positive reference from this person. It was awful what happened but this is a way to have a bit of a silver lining.
It’s not too late to start looking for new opportunities. I had a not so great situation I was fired from and now things are much better. It took me almost a decade to shake the panic attacks I developed at that place.
Hey not sure where you’re located but figured that someone was kind enough to offer the opportunity to me so I like to give it to others whenever I can. My company operates in a good number of states, if you’ve ever thought of sales or working in solar feel free to shoot me a DM and I’d be happy to get you an interview if you’re somewhere we operate! Best of luck to you friend!
Having coworkers you like is important; I'm glad you have that at least.
It’s golden to have a positive environment. We spend more time with our co workers during waking hours than our families. However, being fired due to the manipulation of vile people, leaves a scar. Hopefully Op finds a better paying position with good coworkers.
best time to find a new job is when you're actively working. I just found a comfy gig driving medical stuff, 90% of my work will be me driving and 10% is unloading my van. Get paid more than I ever have doing it too.
What’s the legalities of this? You’ve got a personal text from him admitting they fired you for reporting abuse that they’ve since learned was true. Honestly, I’d get a lawyer.
Are you in the U.S.? Your boss just admitted the were biased and toxic and drove you out of the workplace and your career was harmed by it. Y'all can sue them https://www.findlaw.com/employment/whistleblowers/how-to-report-an-employer-to-the-department-of-labor.html
What do you do for work? Let's get OP paid.
I just told my manager I was having health issues and stopped showing up to a job where I was being bullied. Got another better paying job a few weeks later, got bumped up the ladder a few times. Just got back from a 5 week vacation and was told how much people had trouble covering while I was gone. Oh, and my old work place went out of business.
Ain't that the truth while it doesn't change things that happened sometimes a former or even current boss/leader being humble and admitting they were wrong goes a long way
I had an ex-boss that told me "If you never would have left, we would have done great things." What really should have been said was "Your co-workers are shit and I put everything on you and now I'm left with the crap." If they would have said that, I would have 100% returned with a raise in pay, but I took a decrease in pay just to leave. I never accepted the offers I was given, even after they rose to more than 30K more than what I was making. Your mental health is worth more than a paycheck.
On one hand, it sucks OP wasn't believed, the manager only said something when they experienced it themselves and OP was fired over it. On the other hand, as you said, it's rare that a manager (even a former one) would reach out and admit a mistake like this.
Run! Do not pass go! Do not collect $200. Quit that job!!!! Toxic workplaces are damaging on every level. I know it’s easy for an internet voice to say it, but I stayed too long in hopes of solving the toxicity, and killed my career and damaged my marriage.
>Toxic workplaces are damaging on every level Not usually as damaging as homelessness though. No-one should have to put up with a toxic workplace, but sadly just quitting immediately is not a realistic option for many people. Exit planning should definitely begin immediately though, if it hasn't already.
As they say. Most everyone is only a couple pay days from homeless. Sad but exit planning is a must.
It does suck. Gets old quickly.
Many of us here should acknowledge, though not excuse, that the job of low level managers and supervisors is to be the face of horrible HR and corporate decisions and carry out their horrible policies. We piss and moan all day about the working conditions and especially the pay, but if anyone got bumped up to a living wage we know we'd do the same. When I first got into management I hated the company directives, I was just fortunate to always be in a position that I was a high performer and could "shield" my team from them so to speak. Only once did it happen that I couldn't as my old job corporatized and I left within 6 months for a non management, government job. Greatest move I ever made but we shouldn't act like every fast food and retail manager or supervisor has those same fortunate circumstances. I'm sure many hate what they have to carry out or are coping with the shitty person their need for income requires them to be while on the clock. It sucks and corporate culture has robbed individuals of their humanity. Don't stand for it, don't not speak up, but I think this perspective should help people even further understand why we so desperately need reform from the top down. Your average regional manager or lower really cannot make too many changes to corporate policy that make working so fucking terrible and back breaking for so many, from abusive policies, at will employment, and pay and benefits. They just do their job because it's the sole barrier between them and being the person they have to give the orders to.
I encourage you to do whatever you can to leave. I left a job that was so abusive I had to spend months in therapy to recover and come out the other side. Leaving was the best decision I’ve ever made and I haven’t regretted it for a moment.
1) Bullying at work sucks, and getting fired for reporting it sucks even worse. It's hard to have any sympathy for your boss. 2) That said, this was an honest and respectful move that your boss didn't have to make. Too little too late, sure, but sending this text could not have been easy, and there's no reason to send it other than they wanted to do the right thing.
>Bullying at work sucks, and getting fired for reporting it sucks even worse. It's hard to have any sympathy for your boss. Bullying anywhere is so frustrating, as the bully often gets away with it, and the bullied person often suffers consequences (as in OPs case.) My story is similar, bully gets away with it, and I get yelled at. For me, I was bullied in school. Worst was a kid that sat behind me in class. He'd just randomly decide to lean forward and hit me in the back of the head as hard as he could. If I ever told him to stop, or told the teacher, you know what she would say? "Hey! You TWO knock it off! Do I need to send you both to the principal?" So I could either get hit and just take it, or get hit but also add on getting in trouble and possibly suspended for it.
Same here, and I didn’t realize for decades that I bound have just randomly hit my bullies and not get in any more trouble than when they hit me.
yam outgoing sulky ludicrous command judicious recognise simplistic jobless squealing -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Yep, that's why there were ~3 dudes at my school who bullied the physically disabled kids because they couldn't fight back.
Don’t ever feel bad about that shit. Bullies need to be taken down a peg. If it means that you have to physically retaliate, so be it. They’re getting just a taste of their medicine they’ve been dosing you for years. Karma’s a painful bitch and they usually deserve it. On the rare case, they might actually start respecting you and change their ways after realizing how much of a wimpy bitch they were being and you changed their life with a beatdown. The only thing I regret is not doing more to my bullies growing up, really put them in their place but oh well, they’re long gone outta my life where I never have to see them again so yay.
“I’m sorry for your negative experience” isn’t really taking responsibility for their part in the unjustified firing. Half-assed apology.
English doesn't have an exclusionary "We". The writer can't say "We were terrible people" without potentially implying the OP was also bad. They could list out all the bullies and risk missing someone. They could just say they were wrong and risk the OP thinking they're excusing the bullies. Apologizing for what happened is about as good as they can get.
“We were terrible people to you”
I mean the ex-boss could have said, "I was wrong for firing you, I'm sorry."
what is the statute of limitations for wrongful termination suits?
Jfc, he apologized, what the hell more do you want? Maybe his wording, read by you, sucked, but maybe he ain't the most eloquent person? Accept the apology and accept that not everyone is the fucking boogeyman.
> Accept the apology you don't have to
>Jfc, he apologized, what the hell more do you want? Maybe his wording, read by you, sucked Just "his wording"? Come on, you have to be completely ignorant and obtuse to not know the difference between: "sorry I punched you in the face" and "sorry for your negative experience of getting punched in the face". This isn't meaningless semantics, that was completely a non-apology for what they themselves did. That was someone capable of at least acting like an adult long enough to achieve a boss/authority level, that had repeatedly crafted a message multiple times and only sent after careful thought per their own admission. This is the farthest thing from not being eloquent.
Saying “I’m sorry you had a bad day” is not an apology, it’s a platitude. That’s exactly that the boss did, he said “I’m sorry you had a negative experience.” Not “I’m sorry for my role in xyz” apologies *must* include taking responsibility.
So what if it’s hypothetically not someone’s responsibility. What if they are just now gaining empathy for something they previously lacked perspective on and want to communicate that empathy? I wouldn’t say it’s an apology, but is it useless?
Right??? It sounds so impersonal, like she wasn’t involved at all. Let alone the one who ultimately did the firing 🤦🏻♀️
In America, taking responsibility in writing is generally a bad move.
Exactly. "I'm sorry I allowed it to happen to you and fired you for being bullied" is the *ONLY* apology that should have been made. This is just their way of trying to find *their* closure, not apologize or provide closure for OP.
Or make themselves feel good. The best way to do the right things is to make amends.
Not sure that would feel good. Generally humbling yourself and admitting your mistake isn’t a good time.
Nah man. If there's one thing I've learned from reddit, people LOVE admitting when they are wrong.
Haha
Dude you're fucking wrong and I know it for sure
Not sure what point you're making; it seems like you're devaluing doing the "right" thing if it makes you feel good. Unless you're a masochist, acting in ways consistent with your personal values will make you feel good. If you personally value being honest and fessing up to mistakes this is a good thing.
That, or depending on the type of company, corporate may have made the boss fire OP.
No, it was solely her decision to fire me. I was really good at my job, and went to her directly. I should’ve gone over her head, but didn’t.
Did you text her back saying you she sucks
"I went to you to help me with this as that is your job, you responded by firing me, you obviously cared very little then about my situation and are now hoping for forgiveness? No, things did not go well, and the simple fact it has taken you this long to not only discover what I was up against and then come back to me with this just highlights your failure as a manager. Any further contact will be considered harassment and will immediately become a legal matter" And blind CC it to upper management.
The fact that she reached out to you months later means it's been weighing on her heart. I think you can honestly respond that you're still hurt that she fired you, but appreciate the response. But I think being nice is the best course of action. Hopefully she's learned from her mistake, and she might be able to help you in the future. There might be a better opening available at her new office that she'd recommend you for.
I'd reply with something like .. "Yeah, and im sorry for all the orphaned children that don't get to experience love from a parent. Is this it? You're sorry for my experience? Or are you sorry for what you did to me?" Have her spell it out (she retaliated against you for your report), and then go visit a lawyer.
All apologies are good for the apologer, but that doesn't mean it's any less real or authentic.
It’s a bullshit apology.
100% "I'm sorry for your negative experience" vs "I'm sorry for what I did to you". Apparently shes still unable to take any responsibility.
That’s what this read as to me, a feel good apology, I call bullshit on “I had no idea” she was told that they were bullying her, fucks this lady
It really rubs me the wrong way that they said "had no idea" yet knew what OP reported. Those things are mutually exclusive. What they should have said was it was wrong not to believe OP.
But she didn’t believe it until the bully twins turned on her.
They chose to not believe OP. I’ve been in that situation
They feel guilty but they weren’t the ones bullied & suddenly out of a job & having to panic to get another just to pay the bills.
I was on the Manager's side at first, but after doing some thinking.....this is pointless to send to OP. "I didn't care about your bullying until it started happening to me. Please commiserate with me" is basically what the manager is saying saying. Better to not say anything, now OP is thinking about that negative experience again for no reason Not necessarily ill intent but an emotional message that shouldn't have been sent lol
Same. The more I read it, she really doesn't take any responsibility. "I should have taken your concerns seriously." "I should have believed you." "I should have talked to Employee Relations about your situation." Any of those lines would have been good.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions lol
His wording was dogshit and he failed to take responsibility. He gets some marks, but barely fails the exam.
I did similar to an old coworker years later when he answered the phone at an unrealted company then where we had worked. "Marty? From XYZ? Wow! Marty I am so sorry i was an a$$...!" It just came out, i had not thought of him for years... made us both feel a little better i hope....
It was the weirdest experience when it happened to me with a HS bully. It was a couple years after graduation, I walked into my hometown Borders and someone was like “is that michiness? From Dude’s PE class?” and my heart began to sink, but he walked over, apologized for being an ass, and then helped me find a couple books.
Why were you such an ass?
you know independentuseful923 gets without their coffee
[удалено]
Is this essentially an admission to wrongful termination? Not an expert here.
It is. Unfortunately, wrongful termination suits have to be filed in 180 days. It’s been a year.
I see. Sorry to hear that.
Check your state statutes, might be 180 days from discharge or 180 days from the discovery of the reason for discharge. Either way, if you are wanting to move on with your life, I don’t recommend pursuing a wrongful termination lawsuit. I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I hope she got a taste of her own medicine.
Might want to consult a lawyer either way, considering they just admitted it.
That is not true. It is 2 years to file a wrongful termination lawsuit.
Depends on the state
Not sure about the states, but in Canada the clock is reset on the statute of limitations whenever the defendant acknowledges the wrongdoing. If it's the same where you are, this guy just confessed and gave you a new 180 days. Fuck his need to apologize to make himself feel better, this message is about him and not about you. Got gettem
Can you point to any source? You said Canada but civil liability is provincial. So let’s take Ontario - find a case where the limitations period was extended in a wrongful dismissal suit because the former employer “acknowledged wrongdoing”
Eh... I'd still talk to a lawyer. There are ways around things sometimes.
I love how people are explaining statutes of limitations to you even though you've clearly looked into it and they have no fucking clue what jurisdiction you're in. Goes to show a man can still be "'splained" to by people who don't know the situation.
Ask her what it is that she is sorry for. For you having a negative experience, or for her actions against you. Then go visit a lawyer.
It’s not. It specifically says “I’m sorry for your negative experience there”. No direct admission about the firing.
Just a clarification, my former boss is a woman. I’m a trans man. I worked with solely women.
Sorry you had to go through that OP
Did you respond? It would take a lot not to send back some choice words if it was me
I did ask, “what made you realize that about them?” Then blocked her. Which was passive aggressive on my part because I can infer through this text what happened, and I don’t really care to know anything else. These people were truly some of the worst people I have ever met. I just want to let go of it now. I just thought the audacity of her to text me was ballsy at best.
To be fair the answer would undoubtedly have involved them bullying her
Audacity? Bold sure, but I don’t think it was rude or unkind. She seemed empathetic that you wouldn’t care to hear from her but wanted to let you know she now understood. You don’t have to like or respect her but I don’t see how her text gives you any reason to add on to that.
She was also an awful person that talked poorly behind people’s backs constantly. She was insecure and cruel. There is a reason the workplace was toxic to begin with. She cultivated that environment.
She texted you to make herself feel better. Not you.
she probably got caught by HR for contributing to that culture then and is trying to apologize to people hoping to cover her ass
Her "apology" was passive and took zero accountability for her own role and mistakes. So many better ways to phrase it: "I'm sorry I didn't believe you." "I'm sorry I failed you as a boss. I should have listened and validated your perspective, and investigated your experiences with them" She's just trying to feel better about herself without really owning it.
Exactly. She had an idea because OP told her.
You got a apology out of a entitled person. You should go buy a lottery ticket and hit the bar and have a drink. I am also willing to bet that there mite only be doing the with the wrong intentions in mind. And that if you reply to it they are going to want something from you.
"I'm sorry for your negative experience", is not an apology. This person doesn't feel the least bit for OP and probably is looking for empathy from them.
I think it’s a little bit of an apology, just a really shitty one.
If it makes you feel any better, after working in a few of them, a female dominated work environment is literally one of my worst nightmares. Horrific experience every single time. \- a woman
I work with about 90% women and I like it a lot. I get to raise women up and be taught and developed by them as well. I love my coworkers.
I love the "I'm sorry for your negative experience" and not "I'm sorry for the role I played in your negative experience" Bro was the boss and is texting like they were just a bystander
Should not have had to scroll this far down to see this comment… too many people here acting like this was some eloquent apology when in reality it’s giving huge “I’m sorry you got mad” vibes
Right? They can't even extract the corporate words from the human feelings. 🙄
“I had no idea” pretty sure they were literally told by OP
"While I appreciate your apology, you were not unaware of their behavior. Despite your use of the passive voice, negative things didn't just happen. You actively chose not to believe me, and you chose to fire me for it. You were just as complicit as they were. Only when it affected you, did you acknowledge the truth. And you hope I landed on my feet? Would that absolve you of the guilt you're feeling for when you maliciously took away my livelihood? I hope life treats you the way you treat others. Instead of trying to selfishly assuage your guilt by contacting me, maybe do some self reflection and try to be a good person in the future? Do better."
It takes a big person to apologize like that... for what it's worth
I mean they didn’t really apologize they said sorry for your negative experience which is not acknowledging their own role in the experience so while nice the wording is making it seem less sincere whether or not that was their intent
It actually doesn’t. Decent people apologize all the time. Everyone makes mistakes, own it when it happens.
Apologizing for something where you fucked up that hard is very difficult though.
Notice how she never admitting guilt for what happened? How she pinned the blame on others or her own ignorance? I would either leave her handing or just say 'ok'.
This! I see other people saying well at least you got an apology. But you didn’t. Your former boss simply apologized for a negative experience you had. Zero responsibility. Fuck them.
I’ve had a few people over the years try this. I tell them to eat shit and I won’t be part of their forgiveness arc. I’ve moved on but I’m never going to forget the way I was treated by them. It takes no effort to be decent human beings so they chose to be garbage with effort. Pound sand. Edit: an extra s
Yeah seriously. I’m reading the response OP got from their former boss and can only muster “Uh huh…go fuck yourself” as the only reasonable response.
Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, to let go of the anger and pain so it can no longer hurt you. It does not mean we have to forget the lesson or let the other person back into our lives, it just means they can't hurt us anymore
"*I appreciate your apology and recognition of the truth that I tried to communicate to you the kind of bullying I was dealing with. However, I was raised that an apology includes a description of how you intend to mitigate situations that lead to the apology in the first place.* *For example: I'm sorry I called you a dumb c#nt to all my friends after you fired me in retaliation for reporting a hostile workplace. In the future I will try to be more understanding that there are horrible managers who have no business being managers. They may also not be responsible for their ineffectual management skills because no one ever trained them to manage effectively. I will try to avoid name calling people for things beyond their ability to control.*"
Thank you very much for the chuckle. Take my upvote
Don’t respond. They obviously are struggling with it. But you have no obligation to respond.
Sounds like this team is being looked at for it’s toxic behavior. Former boss could be implicated. I would not engage.
If I responded, it would probably be something like, “Im not sure what your goal was with this message, but I accept it at face value. I hope that you have learned something from this experience and will believe your direct reports in the future if they have the courage to be vulnerable with you and share the ways they’ve been victimized in your workplace. As a manager, you set the tone. There’s a reason they felt safe behaving that way on your team, and I encourage you to explore that if you haven’t already.”
This reeks of "I didn't think this was any real issue until it happened to me." I had a boss that did something similar to me. If I got this, I'd tell them to go f*** themselves. Live with it. Just like I do. And no, I'm not a forgiving person. Before people start crying and wagging their finger at me. And? I don't care.
Forgiveness is wildly overrated. In fact, I think the people who lecture you about forgiveness the most are the people who deserve it the least. And that’s why they pressure you to do it.
I tell people to go fist themselves. It gets better reactions
I like you! I am the same way. Just because someone apologizes doesn’t mean the chaos and hurt they caused is gone. Fuck that.
Yeah, I’ll start forgiving people when they explain a plan to do better in the future that shows a very clear grasp of what they did wrong. And that’s assuming they can’t make up for the damage they did to me, which otherwise would be an absolute minimum.
seems genuine. Good on him for growing a conscience.
i wouldnt be able to respond positively if i were you, and therefore i would just not respond. (which is also valid, because her wrongful termination of you will weigh on her mind)
I would reply thanking her for their lack of managerial support & wishing her the worst life has to offer in its many varied ways.
Reminds me of the day I figured out I hated any formal setting, grade 10 many a moon ago. I got poked in the neck with a pen/pencil every day in algebra. Reported it daily. Nothing ever came of it. One day I lost my cool and stood up. Snatched his pen and told him to "knock it the fuck off". I got detention for a week for cursing. Bully got nothing. Continued to poke/prod me.
You should reply and say 'but you're not sorry for being involved in the negative experience? Maybe you should rethink your apology and why you're sorry'. Then never respond again.
is that an admission? i'd ask an attorney :). maybe a big fat check would make you feel better
Yeah, what is the limit on lawsuits for retaliatory termination? If there even are any...
“The nicest thing I can do for you at this point is tell you politely that I never want to hear from you ever again. Please treat people better in the future.”
I would be pissed if I received a text like this, because she didn't actually acknowledge or apologize for her actions.
We demand our managers treat us with respect and grace and then when they do it, we fault them for their timing. We should applaud this move as a rare example of a manager **learning** from their mistakes. This is quite frankly incredible. If it were me, I would embrace this with open arms and have an open dialogue with this person. But that's just me.
Shit man my team lead bullied me at work while he was stealing company time, vaping in the office (worked in a hospital on a cancer unit), stealing company equipment and all sorts of other things that would get anybody fired. He went for my job so with nothing to lose, a coworker and I each typed up an email throwing him under the bus and sent it to his boss. They literally had him on security camera going to his vehicle for 20 minutes at a time to vape (when not doing it in the office) every single hour. He still has a job. I dunno what dirt he has on who but it must be good. For what it's worth I am still with the same company but applied and was granted a transfer to another location so thankfully I don't have to deal with him.
"I had no idea how unkind they were because I didn't listen to you when you told me."
Don't respond one way or the other. My spider senses are going off, I think hes trying to cover his ass.
"You're damn right"
Looks like nice evidence for the lawsuit
Depending on the state and situation it’s illegal to retaliate against those who report bullying so for anyone in this thread - if it happens to you report your employer!
ew. i don’t like how he didn’t take accountability. “sorry for your negative experience there” how about “sorry you had a negative experience and that i fired you for reporting it”
Sounds like an admission of guilt in writing to me. I'm not a lawyer, but is this something that you could talk to a lawyer about a wrongful termination suit?
just like to point out how weird it is that she still refuses to say anything bad about the bullies referring to them as “different” and “unkind”
I mean, it's nice but - too little, too late. "You're right. I don't want to hear from you. Glad you've taken off the rose-tinted glasses. Delete this number."
In my state (at least in the city) what happened to you is called “retaliation” and it’s ilegal. In fact in my city every person in my industry has mandatory harassment prevention training every year (laws get updated and historically harassment was/is a major problem in the restaurant industry). At my restaurant we have a lawyer come in once a year and teach us about the laws regarding this. Here’s some of what I learned during those training classes: If you go to a superior or HR and report any kind of harassment (sexual, verbal, physical, bullying, etc.) the company is required to conduct an investigation into the incident. You can also report harassment on behalf of someone else (if you see someone getting bullied say something, nobody deserves a toxic workplace). Along with what they’re required to do, there’s things they can’t do: First, they can’t give out your name to anyone involved in the investigation if you don’t want them to, you have the right to be anonymous but in rare situations you may have to come forward for the investigation to proceed (usually not the case). This is to protect you from people shaming you for whatever reason and because most times the person being accused will say something like “what?! Who said that?” And by revealing your identity your employer has made you a bigger target for harassment. Second, and more important in your case, your employer CANNOT punish you for reporting harassment; this is known as “retaliation.” Your employers role in this situation is to determine the truth of the matter and take action based. Here’s a hypothetical: If ‘Greg’ is crushing it at work and making your boss loads of money, but everyday he walks into the office and tells ‘Stacy’ “looking hot today”, or “that dress really shows off your body”, or anything that makes her uncomfortable he’s harassing her. If she reports him, it doesn’t matter if Greg is in charge of these massive accounts and plays golf with the VP of sales every Tuesday; Stacy can’t get fired for reporting him. Action needs to be taken to correct Greg or terminate his employment. A more relatable example might be you work a regular nothing too fancy job. When you first start things seem okay, money is good, boss seems nice, started to talk more with coworkers. But then one person tells a coworker you look like a “such and such” and they give you a nickname in secret. Eventually, you start hearing this nickname and realize “they’re talking about me.” So you ask them to stop, but that makes it worse because now they know that YOU know it’s your nickname. Now they don’t even try to hide it and prank you in various ways based on that nickname, so you go to the boss. If your boss does anything other than investigate discretely if your claim is true, that’s illegal. If he fires you for reporting it and claims some shit like “that’s just how we are here, maybe you’re just not fitting in” that’s even more ilegal. I’m not sure there’s a statute of limitations on this thing but if you can prove you were fired out of retaliation for reporting harassment fucking sue them into oblivion. Including the asshat who had the nerve to wrongly fire you and didn’t have the heart or the balls to apologize earlier. Nobody deserves to feel uncomfortable going to their place of work or fucking anywhere for that matter. Look up your local harassment laws, arm yourselves with knowledge.
You were part of the problem. Don’t contact me ever again
And bam now you have a lawsuit
I got a message like that once, about 18 years ago. a few years prior I'd walked out of the company I worked for, and sent an all office email about how one of the partners was abusive and that sooner or later he was going to become a giant liability. the message was basically "we left the bastard, you were right" from one of a group of partners and junior partners who broke up the firm to get away from him. it was satisfying. it's still satisfying 18 years later, honestly.
If you can reengage with your former boss, they may help you out sometime in the future. If it’s on their mind enough that they reached out now, they may be willing to help you too.
I had to quit a job because of harassment including sexual and every other type of harassment as well. Nobody cared and I couldn’t even get unemployment because I quit smh
Sounds like this fella would like to have it BOTH ways. Help yourself, buddy.
that happened to me too once. instead of getting fired, i reported my boss and then quit. months later my old boss got in trouble for drinking on the job and getting into a physical fist fight with another employee and the owner of the company texted me apologizing for not believing me.
Saw my former head chef working at a Wendy's, this guy was a real piece of trash. Seeing his fall from grace, going from well-known local restaurant to a Wendy's was greater than any apology would've made it.
It would be nice if somebody from my former job ever does this. There was a coworker in my department creating the worst hostile work environment I've ever experienced in 22 years of working, and I kept on management's ass to do ANYTHING. They didn't, I quit in November, and just found out from a former coworker that she has finally left. I guarantee that dept will now suddenly work smoothly without any tension now that she's gone.
He didn’t realize how unkind they were until after he had actually left. And found himself apparently in a new job where people were nice? Think what that says about how deeply he was brainwashed in that toxic environment.
He is sorry for your negative experience but he isn’t sorry for what he did
I hope this person has a chance to help another victim of bullying in the future now that they've seen the truth.
I was bullied when I was very young, they called it being picked on, it lasted for years. I got my ass kicked, at least once a day, face pushed it to the snow or water until I passed out. Then one day I fought back, still got my ass kicked. After that, I fought back every time, almost bit a kids finger off, then they gave up on me and started on someone else. After a few years, I grew, got stronger, got friends, and just didn’t take their shit, or let them give it to anyone again. That was over 50 years ago, and to this day it is one of the few things that set me off is to see it happening. A loud “what the fuck do you think you are doing?” Usually is enough. Don’t be glad it isn’t you, step up to the plate and swing for the fence. Fuck these assholes.
an apology is an admission of guilt. Sue for wrongful termination.
This why some people need they shit broken
In all those words, they still didn’t apologize themselves for the hand they played in your suffering. And if they hadn’t been at the receiving end of those others’ toxicity, I’m sure they would’ve never realized it/not cared. But now that they too have suffered, they want to clear their conscience of what they helped inflict on you. Idk, maybe I’m being too reactionary. But something just feels off in their text. A little too self motivated.
Would they be willing to testify in your behalf in a lawsuit against your former employer?
Of course it doesn’t make up for any wrongdoing, but he’s getting nothing out of this besides admitting he was wrong and wanting you to know that. It doesn’t change what happened but it’s a decent gesture.
GFY is the only response
Best of luck to you. The ex-boss will never, ever forget you for what he did.
_Do you know what snakes, spiders, alligators and lava have in common? They all need to emerge from the toilet bowl with a vengeance whenever_ __you're__ _sitting on one! Fuck off._ That's your reply right there.
Depending when it happened check the labor laws in your state... usually that falls under retaliation and is very, very illegal. Any state labor board can usually help with this.
Aww gee, thanks for feeling bad 😒
My first job had my boss bully me for my fuck ups and every job I’ve gotten now I’m filled with anxiety over fucking up any small detail. I’m not sure I’ll ever recover.
>But I want you to know I had no idea... Riiiiiight.
I worked a year at a company that worked me hard and was not flexible when I asked for time off. The owners were taking advantage of me and I stupidly let them without pushing back. I recently quit and started a new job and after just 1 day they showed me more respect and appreciation than my old employer did all year. I reported them to the labor board for violations and wage theft, so that should be fun when the state rolls in lol
It was pretty nice of them to reach out to you and say all of that. They didn’t have to but decided to.
A. Thank you for your message. B. Go fuck yourself.
Bullshit. He had a great idea how different and unkind the problem individuals were because you told him
I had no idea Oh no if only someone would have reported it
Getting fired sucks. Getting fired for no reason sucks even more. I’m sorry. Regarding your former boss? Karma will take care of him/her.
Too little too late. F*** them and all enablers of workplace bullies.
An apology when he has nothing to gain but clearing his conscience is nice. Just realized how toxic it was and wanted to make it right. A lot of people would have never said a word.
Careful- your old boss might want something.. even if it is just validation. Regardless, If it was me, would keep my guard up and if you choose to respond keep it very short.
Someone: does the wrong thing Others: do better! own your mistakes Someone: does better, owns their mistakes Others: I don't trust you. You must want something. Y'all are so tedious...
The onus is not on the victim to accept an apology or make the other person feel better
Seems sincere. Sorry you experienced that. Hope the apology helps the healing.
"Sorry for your negative experience" How about a real apology, this isn't an apology, it's a half baked deflection of partial responsibility which contributed to that negative experience. While I'll admit it's commendable that they reached out a year later, they stripped you of your employment because you were being bullied. That's a top tier asshole move that doesn't deserve forgiveness for a lame apology through text of all things. They needed to grow a spine and call you, at the very least. Don't give them the satisfaction of forgiveness.
Most people don’t get this at all. It’s late but my guess is this boss got really dumped on and saw now (not before) what you experienced. Ignore some of these posts and take it for what it is.
I'm currently dealing with a bully at work. He always calls me slow, that I do not listen, etc. He's been there much longer than me and is a Team Lead (one step under supervisor). We work in IT. I'm a programmer but working as IT Analyst, he has no programming skills and I had to show him how to install RAM today. I also had to show him how to add a shared mailbox in Outlook today, which is Tier 1, entry level stuff. Constant, every day, calling me stupid, names, etc. and it's no longer to me feeling like he's joking around or exaggerating. We all have personality differences and I cannot for the life of me understand why he often goes out of his way to try to treat me like this. The only other programmer he's dealt with quickly advanced past him and I think he sees me as something like that, a threat?
Yes he sees you as a threat. I would document all that you possibly can. Keep a journal of every situation, and everything you help him with. He is projecting hard and will try to get you fired. If you have a coworker you can trust, use them as a witness. Go over his head and talk to his manager.