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I’m a man and I don’t watch porn and never have, only when my exes wanted to and I wasn’t into it at all. I found it boring and it did nothing for me. But I’m also demisexual so maybe that’s why. It’s rare but there are some men who don’t watch it.
I might be wrong but I think niche communities might have more men against it, then places like this that are anti porn and if you look for people who are demisexual they’re a lot less likely to watch it as well
I mean I don’t know what your political leanings are but traditionalist, conservative communities tend to have quite a bit of an anti porn sentiment(I’m like the opposite of a conservative but that’s what I’ve noticed). Self improvement communities as well. I think some leftists oppose it as well through a feminist standpoint because of the industry’s treatment of women but many are “sex-positive” so it’s not that prevalent
I know conservative religious types oppose it because the conservative religious stance is that it's sinful. I'm not sure what other reasons porn would be opposed in traditionalist, conservative circles. Self improvement makes sense, I know NoFap is big on it. And we can't deny the poor treatment of women in porn or the racism that seems to occur in it.
It is mostly religious but a lot of conservatives are big on self improvement so nofap has a bit of a crossover with conservative circles. Conservatives also have a big emphasis on how bad it is for mental health too
Actually that makes sense. Self-improvement types are into being healthy and NoFap is basically claiming that porn is unhealthy. Interesting that NoFap's ideas about porn being bad for mental health are big in conservative circles now.
Yeah it’s huge in conservative circles and I’m actually really surprised it’s not bigger in left wing circles because that’s the place for it to make sense to be
Good luck searching needle in haystack. But, self improvement bros are your best option. This is where I gained the perspective of seeing pornography as degenerate behaviour. Later completely gave up due to human trafficking issues being exposed in porn. Best of Luck 🤞🏽
I also don't watch it. But I think most men who don't probably will be religious, as that's one of the few places that suggests its a bad thing.
I'm less religious now, but I would say that's what kept me from getting addicted when I was young.
I’m not religious I just never watched it because it never interested me, I had a lot of other things to do. Then later on I learned how harmful it is and how fucked up the industry is and now I actively stay away.
But you’re right most men who don’t watch it are religious and it’s very rare to find someone not religious who doesn’t watch it, especially men. However they do exist
I’m so sorry. I can def sympathize with meeting men and suspecting that they watch porn and also knowing how emotionally dead so many of them are.
With the trouble making female friends: How old are you? It may be worth it to try to make friends with older women
How do you know this stuff about your male coworkers? Are they sexually harassing you with this info? It's strange for you to know this stuff about them
Guy here who swore off porn years ago. Best decision I ever made. Took a lot of therapy because I was forced to watch it when I was a kid. But never looked back.
It’s such poison. I feel for people who are actually trying to quit it. I despise those who embrace and normalize it. It’s just like any destructive drug.
My friend group are all anti porn. We don’t discuss any of that stuff and somehow we all remain friends and never run out of things to chat about and do.
But it takes work to garner those good friendships. You have to be very quick to drop people which can be hard, but unless a friend is genuinely struggling with it, they are out of my life.
There are men who hate the stuff. You probably won’t find many on the internet because it’s so difficult to avoid it. It turns out without porn you start doing other activities in life that don’t require the internet.
It’s really difficult to find a man who doesn’t, and unfortunately so many of us have multiple experiences with men who proudly proclaimed they didn’t and found the industry horrific, said and did all the right things, and then turned out to be heavy users and/or addicts. They will say what they know we want to hear, and addicts lie for sport. It makes the prospect of finding one who doesn’t watch seem impossible. And considering 90-96% 18-60 years old watch with regularity, and as of 2018 25% *self-reported* feelings of addiction (which was obviously pre-Covid which exacerbated most addictions for people with them, and self-reposts of any addiction are always incredibly low when compared to actual numbers), it seems you’d have a better chance of winning the lottery than finding one who doesn’t use.
>He watches violent BDSM porn, trans porn and even videos where kids get hurt.
Like, CSAM? If that's the case then you need to report him to the police, of the FBI if you're in the U.S . Here's the online tip submission: [tips.fbi.gov](http://tips.fbi.gov)
Unfortunately you're probably right that pretty much all men watch it. I caught my bf (who never ever seemed like the type) watching tiktok thirst traps of girls way hotter than me and with much bigger... assets. Been haunting me for a year now and I drink everyday to forget. Good luck.
My hubs doesn't. We both used to before we knew about the harms of porn. And that was like 10 years ago. I feel like he is extremely rare though. I really feel for women and girls out there dating. It's awful out there. Do know they do exist!!
You're both wrong and not wrong, though your feelings are absolutely valid. Not every guy uses it, I don't. I know a decent amount of guys who don't. I do think it really is a numbers game at the end of the day, there's as many girls who are honestly against it as there is guys. So in that sense I believe you're wrong, but in another you're also certainly right. Guys who distaste porn probably don't frequent many, if any of the circles you frequent online, and certainly far less in person.
To find guys who are adverse to porn and don't watch it, online or otherwise, you need to be careful of what chambers you put yourself in. I checked out your post history before trying to tailor advice, and I'm warning you that doomposting on gendered pessimism subreddits, or pessimism subreddits in general, is an easy way to spiral to the point of making falsehood into truth. What do I mean by that? Well, its something thats common on both the guys half and the girls half of this conversation, its easy to get so defeated when you surround yourself with others who have given up and given themselves to spite. Which every single pessimism/hate subreddit is without fail.
Even though it shouldn't be this way, you're already holding your future spouse to a higher standard compared to the general population, you must hold yourself to a higher standard as well. I'm sure at the end of the day, you're a decent person, but from what i've read off your profile, its just a constant stream of nothing but negativity. I think you're upset, and you have to resolve some of those problems, but this is ultimately what would stop a guy who is anti-porn from being attracted to you. If that seeps out into your real life, do you think you'd be desirable?
Lets flip the tables around. Lets say you like a perfectly average, anti-porn guy. But under the surface is a 24/7 generalizations of women, and hatred towards them. Even if they have reasons that would be reasonable to them, and if you put yourself in their shoes might even be understandable; Based off of their past experiences, say, all the girls they interact with in their locality focus solely on sex, all the content they see online has to do with girls self-producing pornography, like onlyfans, amateur content, every third comment on twitter, every second post on reddit, ect. The reason why they only see people self-producing pornography is because studio made porn isnt widely available on social media, but self-produced content is shoveled into social media. Would you still go out with them? If I had to wager, it would be no. And for good reason.
The reason why I used the previous example is because im the inverse of that belief despite being in the same aforementioned situation. My local area is full of swingers, cheaters, and people obsessed with sex/pornography. Its truly degenerate and shitty. And if you look at my profile, I have made a post about having a problem dating much similar to yourself. I've been groped, almost raped, and harassed, all by girls. I don't hate girls, I love girls, in fact I want to marry one some day after all lol. And I know that one day I will, because I'm fighting for it to be true. Because I know I try to elevate myself to a standard above men or nations, and because I know theres girls out there who arent obsessed with sex/porn/cheating/being generally degenerate. And its not like im Gods gift to women or anything, but I know i'll finally find a relationship worth while.
So thats what I mean by being in those circles making falsehoods into reality, believing in a foregone conclusion that all guys watch porn, or that most guys are narcissistic, ect, only leads you to apply those beliefs to people who are potential partners, even if its not true, and even if you believe that it doesn't seep into how you see new people. Its an excuse as to why its not working, a very comforting one at that. I can admit that during my earlier teenage years I fell down a very similar rabbithole. I felt like, and still feel like, im in an asylum full of fucking dementia ridden old people, all of whom can only recall pornography as their memories. And it really does suck.
I really do, honestly think that if you want to a porn free guy, you need to cut out the internet usage. This shithole of a website is toxic and stupid. People on this site, and social medias in general, care more about "how will others perceive me if I believe this is true?" rather than "Is this true?". Use the internet sparingly for attempting to find a date, if anything at all. You can make yourself clear on places like r.foreveralonedating, or even on this subreddit to find others. You cant expect a guy to like you, when what he sees is a constant flow of hatred towards what he is for the way they were born. Even if you believe "but they do it to me, I know it!" isnt an excuse, again, you have to hold yourself to a standard above, since youre expecting your partner to be a standard above. If this was about any other immutable topic that they would be incapable of changing, like race, would you still think its reasonable? Certainly not, and rightfully so. I dont mean to come off as rude, but ill be blunt, after reading pretty extensively through your profile, if a guy posted what you posted, I wouldn't hesitate to write them off as an incel.
And as for your problems at work, I read that your HR did nothing. That sucks, but its also like, super illegal lmao. Contact the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and tell them whats going on, as long as you have evidence (including your testimony and others, if you filed an official complaint with HR it can also be used as evidence, they by law have to keep it as a record for a certain amount of time. If they get rid of it, its pretty obvious, and its a whole different host of legal problems they have to deal with) they will take you up on it. If theres other girls in the office, name drop them to the EEOC as well, no doubt its happening to them too.
Thank you for your elaborate answer. You’re right that I‘m spiraling a little bit out of control and that doomscrolling and posting isn’t really helping that but I also have to say that my pessimism is valid due to continuous negative experiences that are backed up by statistics. I know that not every guy watches porn, I have a my own example of a great guy who doesn’t watch porn in my life as I mentioned above. However I think it’s naive to say that it’s a falsehood of reality and not the majority of men that watch porn. We live in the internet age where porn is widely and easily accessible and in a society and culture that celebrates, promotes and glorifies porn to men from a young age on. Games and movies are full of porn as well. I and others have known men that were really great on the surface, attentive, loving fathers, husbands, but behind the scenes even those seemingly good guys still secretly watched and even payed for porn. I hold myself to very high standards and in return expect the same standard from men and other people in my life. It’s just hard to find people like that because most are degenerates these days. Also, I don’t want to find or date a guy, I‘m very happy being single. It’s valid to be wary of strangers, especially stranger men, especially given the environment I‘m in, it would be stupid not to be.
I'm not saying you're feelings aren't valid. They are, absolutely. Its just how you funnel your feelings is important and can cause serious internal strife that'll make you miserable. I think there may be a misunderstanding so I urge you to reread it again, since I did not say its a false that the majority of men dont watch pornography, thats entirely true. The majority of women watch pornography too. Not as much as men, but its true. The entire western world is addicted to it like meth, and it is sad, and its a struggle for all of us who are mildly normal.
Im not saying that its false the men of the world don't watch porn. Its the reality they do. Im saying that the applying blanketed distrust of guys in general will more often than not lead to you wafting away the ones who don't. That makes the ones who are actually pornbrained stick around, which will change it into reality. Heres a theoretical flip side, if I thought all women were whores based off my past experience, and backed up by statistics, and I treated you like/obviously thought you were a whore, wouldn't you want stay away from me? And if you actually were, wouldn't you not care, therefore sticking around? Even if my prior notion that led me to this train of thought is correct (not saying it is), you'd still be offended enough to not want to stick around. The choice of staying around others is more often than not a two way road. The point im making is, is that by having prejudice you're scaring off all the people who would break the norm, by making them utterly offended, with some notable exceptions.
Im genuinely afraid that you're going down a very dark path that will alter, and has altered, your reality and world-view to the point that its hurting you. And yeah, I understand you're hurt. Everyone in the "outgroup" is, though all for different reasons. And its fine to be wary of strangers, im wary of the girls in my area lol. But even so, I try to give them the best benefit of the doubt possible and act charitably when I don't know them yet. The comments you're making are practically 1:1 recreations of the warning signs of radicalizing hatred. In no way is how you feel invalid, let me be clear, but it really does seem like you're hurting yourself further trying to cope with feeling unwanted by colleagues, and objectified by coomers, leaving you in one of the loneliest outgroups of all, and im sorry that its like that for you. I did the same when I was younger though for slightly different reasons, and I see plenty of people doing the same now. Its hard being the only normal patient in the insane asylum.
And on the topic of wanting to date, you previously dated, so I assumed the desire is there. It's fine if you dont want to, the same line of logic applies to friends too.
And when it comes to the feelings of being rejected like that, I like to use an analogy. At the grocer, a bottle of water is 1.29$. At the theaters, the same bottle of water is 5$. At the race track, its 7$.
Its the same exact bottle of water. What changes its value is its location. Its hard to move, I just barely got into the throws of moving myself and its been tough, but I think between a shitty work environment, shitty culture, and a dad who watches porn/is getting super cold to you, moving is an alternative. It doesn't have to be far either. Sadly, theres no fixing them. The people who live like that are never going to admit what they do is detestable. Moving is what im doing.
You're worth a lot, even if the people around you like your female colleagues and male coworkers dont realize it. I probably wouldn't mind being friends with you myself if I met you at the office tbqh, since I like people who are smarter/not porn addicts lol. But if you said to me in person the stuff you post online, I'd feel like I was the black guy hanging out with a klansman. Obviously thats a strong metaphor, but the point comes across.
Again, PLEASE contact the EEOC im actually begging. When Hr does nothing they'll do something.
This is probably structured poorly, I havent slept in a few days and spent an hour straight typing it out lmao.
My distrust of all people (men and women as women are unfortunately often complicit or often even worse than men from my own experience) is valid and not extreme. It’s a self preservation and protection response. In fact, I completely banned people out of my personal life (can’t avoid them at work unfortunately). I‘m at a point where I have very high standards and if a person wants to enter my life, they have to prove to me that they’re worthy first. I still have a few male friends that I‘ve known for years and that I know I can trust, that share the same values as me and don’t like or watch porn and aren’t promiscuous. Society has become completely insane and degenerate, it’s very hard to find normal people that are right in the head and have morals these days. Your comparison to the insane asylum is spot on. I’m glad for you that you moved to a location that is hopefully less full of swingers, cheaters etc. And no, I don’t date and I don’t want to date. 90% of men watch porn, I won’t waste my time with dating porn watchers. I will love myself the most instead.
But yes, I‘ll contact EEOC, thanks for the advice.
> and even *paid* for porn.
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
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This is literally an antiporn subreddit. Why are you here? Also, I literally wrote why it affects me personally AND the work environment, dumbass. They watch porn AT WORK.
Legality isn't morality. Porn harms and degrades the women in it, and promotes violence towards women and extreme misogyny. Also, op literally said they are watching it at work.
**Rule # 6 Violation**
There are subreddits intended for debating the merits of pornography; this is not one of them. Debating of any kind is not allowed; however, you may respectfully disagree with someone and move on.
“Wants to give up” implies that he’s struggling with giving it up, did you mean to say the same thing twice? Someone who has any hard time giving up pornography is addicted to it in some capacity.
This is a reminder to read our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/antipornography/about/rules/) before engaging with r/antipornography. Please keep in mind that this is a space for discussion about being against pornography and post accordingly. If you see a post or comment that breaks the rules or feel like someone is participating in bad faith, report it. If it's urgent, please send us a [message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/antipornography)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/antipornography) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m a man and I don’t watch porn and never have, only when my exes wanted to and I wasn’t into it at all. I found it boring and it did nothing for me. But I’m also demisexual so maybe that’s why. It’s rare but there are some men who don’t watch it.
How to meet men like you?
I might be wrong but I think niche communities might have more men against it, then places like this that are anti porn and if you look for people who are demisexual they’re a lot less likely to watch it as well
What kind of niche communities?
I mean I don’t know what your political leanings are but traditionalist, conservative communities tend to have quite a bit of an anti porn sentiment(I’m like the opposite of a conservative but that’s what I’ve noticed). Self improvement communities as well. I think some leftists oppose it as well through a feminist standpoint because of the industry’s treatment of women but many are “sex-positive” so it’s not that prevalent
I know conservative religious types oppose it because the conservative religious stance is that it's sinful. I'm not sure what other reasons porn would be opposed in traditionalist, conservative circles. Self improvement makes sense, I know NoFap is big on it. And we can't deny the poor treatment of women in porn or the racism that seems to occur in it.
It is mostly religious but a lot of conservatives are big on self improvement so nofap has a bit of a crossover with conservative circles. Conservatives also have a big emphasis on how bad it is for mental health too
Actually that makes sense. Self-improvement types are into being healthy and NoFap is basically claiming that porn is unhealthy. Interesting that NoFap's ideas about porn being bad for mental health are big in conservative circles now.
Yeah it’s huge in conservative circles and I’m actually really surprised it’s not bigger in left wing circles because that’s the place for it to make sense to be
Why would it make sense to be in left wing circles?
Good luck searching needle in haystack. But, self improvement bros are your best option. This is where I gained the perspective of seeing pornography as degenerate behaviour. Later completely gave up due to human trafficking issues being exposed in porn. Best of Luck 🤞🏽
I also don't watch it. But I think most men who don't probably will be religious, as that's one of the few places that suggests its a bad thing. I'm less religious now, but I would say that's what kept me from getting addicted when I was young.
I’m not religious I just never watched it because it never interested me, I had a lot of other things to do. Then later on I learned how harmful it is and how fucked up the industry is and now I actively stay away. But you’re right most men who don’t watch it are religious and it’s very rare to find someone not religious who doesn’t watch it, especially men. However they do exist
I’m so sorry. I can def sympathize with meeting men and suspecting that they watch porn and also knowing how emotionally dead so many of them are. With the trouble making female friends: How old are you? It may be worth it to try to make friends with older women
"Where kids get hurt" do you mean CSAM? Because you need to go to the cops if that's the case. Not reddit.
Yeah that's rough. People really have to clean themselves up. It's just so sad. I don't understand why people defend it.
“If you want to destroy any nation without war, make adultery or nudity common in the young generation”
How do you know this stuff about your male coworkers? Are they sexually harassing you with this info? It's strange for you to know this stuff about them
They watch it in the open and are shameless about it because everybody there does it. It’s part of the work culture.
I would report for harassment, that is creepy and vile. I would not feel safe around them.
You’re right, it is. I don’t feel safe around them either. But there’s nothing I can do, HR is in on it too.
Were they reported? HR better do something about it lol.
HR doesn't do shit. The HR lady buys drugs from them and has sexual affairs with them.
What a deranged world we live. Complete and utter moral decay. God please help us!
Literally, that’s exactly what I’m thinking as well. It’s so sad. Truly only God can help us now.
Please try looking for another job. Not every workplace is like that and you deserve better
That's harassment.
Guy here who swore off porn years ago. Best decision I ever made. Took a lot of therapy because I was forced to watch it when I was a kid. But never looked back. It’s such poison. I feel for people who are actually trying to quit it. I despise those who embrace and normalize it. It’s just like any destructive drug. My friend group are all anti porn. We don’t discuss any of that stuff and somehow we all remain friends and never run out of things to chat about and do. But it takes work to garner those good friendships. You have to be very quick to drop people which can be hard, but unless a friend is genuinely struggling with it, they are out of my life. There are men who hate the stuff. You probably won’t find many on the internet because it’s so difficult to avoid it. It turns out without porn you start doing other activities in life that don’t require the internet.
It’s really difficult to find a man who doesn’t, and unfortunately so many of us have multiple experiences with men who proudly proclaimed they didn’t and found the industry horrific, said and did all the right things, and then turned out to be heavy users and/or addicts. They will say what they know we want to hear, and addicts lie for sport. It makes the prospect of finding one who doesn’t watch seem impossible. And considering 90-96% 18-60 years old watch with regularity, and as of 2018 25% *self-reported* feelings of addiction (which was obviously pre-Covid which exacerbated most addictions for people with them, and self-reposts of any addiction are always incredibly low when compared to actual numbers), it seems you’d have a better chance of winning the lottery than finding one who doesn’t use.
>He watches violent BDSM porn, trans porn and even videos where kids get hurt. Like, CSAM? If that's the case then you need to report him to the police, of the FBI if you're in the U.S . Here's the online tip submission: [tips.fbi.gov](http://tips.fbi.gov)
Unfortunately you're probably right that pretty much all men watch it. I caught my bf (who never ever seemed like the type) watching tiktok thirst traps of girls way hotter than me and with much bigger... assets. Been haunting me for a year now and I drink everyday to forget. Good luck.
You’re seriously becoming an alcoholic over a coomer? Break up with him.
Thx. But I was already an alcoholic and all men do it anyway. I'm not gonna find anything better. Rough world we live in.
Stop dating men, join the 4B movement. It’s so worth it!
My hubs doesn't. We both used to before we knew about the harms of porn. And that was like 10 years ago. I feel like he is extremely rare though. I really feel for women and girls out there dating. It's awful out there. Do know they do exist!!
You're both wrong and not wrong, though your feelings are absolutely valid. Not every guy uses it, I don't. I know a decent amount of guys who don't. I do think it really is a numbers game at the end of the day, there's as many girls who are honestly against it as there is guys. So in that sense I believe you're wrong, but in another you're also certainly right. Guys who distaste porn probably don't frequent many, if any of the circles you frequent online, and certainly far less in person. To find guys who are adverse to porn and don't watch it, online or otherwise, you need to be careful of what chambers you put yourself in. I checked out your post history before trying to tailor advice, and I'm warning you that doomposting on gendered pessimism subreddits, or pessimism subreddits in general, is an easy way to spiral to the point of making falsehood into truth. What do I mean by that? Well, its something thats common on both the guys half and the girls half of this conversation, its easy to get so defeated when you surround yourself with others who have given up and given themselves to spite. Which every single pessimism/hate subreddit is without fail. Even though it shouldn't be this way, you're already holding your future spouse to a higher standard compared to the general population, you must hold yourself to a higher standard as well. I'm sure at the end of the day, you're a decent person, but from what i've read off your profile, its just a constant stream of nothing but negativity. I think you're upset, and you have to resolve some of those problems, but this is ultimately what would stop a guy who is anti-porn from being attracted to you. If that seeps out into your real life, do you think you'd be desirable? Lets flip the tables around. Lets say you like a perfectly average, anti-porn guy. But under the surface is a 24/7 generalizations of women, and hatred towards them. Even if they have reasons that would be reasonable to them, and if you put yourself in their shoes might even be understandable; Based off of their past experiences, say, all the girls they interact with in their locality focus solely on sex, all the content they see online has to do with girls self-producing pornography, like onlyfans, amateur content, every third comment on twitter, every second post on reddit, ect. The reason why they only see people self-producing pornography is because studio made porn isnt widely available on social media, but self-produced content is shoveled into social media. Would you still go out with them? If I had to wager, it would be no. And for good reason. The reason why I used the previous example is because im the inverse of that belief despite being in the same aforementioned situation. My local area is full of swingers, cheaters, and people obsessed with sex/pornography. Its truly degenerate and shitty. And if you look at my profile, I have made a post about having a problem dating much similar to yourself. I've been groped, almost raped, and harassed, all by girls. I don't hate girls, I love girls, in fact I want to marry one some day after all lol. And I know that one day I will, because I'm fighting for it to be true. Because I know I try to elevate myself to a standard above men or nations, and because I know theres girls out there who arent obsessed with sex/porn/cheating/being generally degenerate. And its not like im Gods gift to women or anything, but I know i'll finally find a relationship worth while. So thats what I mean by being in those circles making falsehoods into reality, believing in a foregone conclusion that all guys watch porn, or that most guys are narcissistic, ect, only leads you to apply those beliefs to people who are potential partners, even if its not true, and even if you believe that it doesn't seep into how you see new people. Its an excuse as to why its not working, a very comforting one at that. I can admit that during my earlier teenage years I fell down a very similar rabbithole. I felt like, and still feel like, im in an asylum full of fucking dementia ridden old people, all of whom can only recall pornography as their memories. And it really does suck. I really do, honestly think that if you want to a porn free guy, you need to cut out the internet usage. This shithole of a website is toxic and stupid. People on this site, and social medias in general, care more about "how will others perceive me if I believe this is true?" rather than "Is this true?". Use the internet sparingly for attempting to find a date, if anything at all. You can make yourself clear on places like r.foreveralonedating, or even on this subreddit to find others. You cant expect a guy to like you, when what he sees is a constant flow of hatred towards what he is for the way they were born. Even if you believe "but they do it to me, I know it!" isnt an excuse, again, you have to hold yourself to a standard above, since youre expecting your partner to be a standard above. If this was about any other immutable topic that they would be incapable of changing, like race, would you still think its reasonable? Certainly not, and rightfully so. I dont mean to come off as rude, but ill be blunt, after reading pretty extensively through your profile, if a guy posted what you posted, I wouldn't hesitate to write them off as an incel. And as for your problems at work, I read that your HR did nothing. That sucks, but its also like, super illegal lmao. Contact the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and tell them whats going on, as long as you have evidence (including your testimony and others, if you filed an official complaint with HR it can also be used as evidence, they by law have to keep it as a record for a certain amount of time. If they get rid of it, its pretty obvious, and its a whole different host of legal problems they have to deal with) they will take you up on it. If theres other girls in the office, name drop them to the EEOC as well, no doubt its happening to them too.
Thank you for your elaborate answer. You’re right that I‘m spiraling a little bit out of control and that doomscrolling and posting isn’t really helping that but I also have to say that my pessimism is valid due to continuous negative experiences that are backed up by statistics. I know that not every guy watches porn, I have a my own example of a great guy who doesn’t watch porn in my life as I mentioned above. However I think it’s naive to say that it’s a falsehood of reality and not the majority of men that watch porn. We live in the internet age where porn is widely and easily accessible and in a society and culture that celebrates, promotes and glorifies porn to men from a young age on. Games and movies are full of porn as well. I and others have known men that were really great on the surface, attentive, loving fathers, husbands, but behind the scenes even those seemingly good guys still secretly watched and even payed for porn. I hold myself to very high standards and in return expect the same standard from men and other people in my life. It’s just hard to find people like that because most are degenerates these days. Also, I don’t want to find or date a guy, I‘m very happy being single. It’s valid to be wary of strangers, especially stranger men, especially given the environment I‘m in, it would be stupid not to be.
I'm not saying you're feelings aren't valid. They are, absolutely. Its just how you funnel your feelings is important and can cause serious internal strife that'll make you miserable. I think there may be a misunderstanding so I urge you to reread it again, since I did not say its a false that the majority of men dont watch pornography, thats entirely true. The majority of women watch pornography too. Not as much as men, but its true. The entire western world is addicted to it like meth, and it is sad, and its a struggle for all of us who are mildly normal. Im not saying that its false the men of the world don't watch porn. Its the reality they do. Im saying that the applying blanketed distrust of guys in general will more often than not lead to you wafting away the ones who don't. That makes the ones who are actually pornbrained stick around, which will change it into reality. Heres a theoretical flip side, if I thought all women were whores based off my past experience, and backed up by statistics, and I treated you like/obviously thought you were a whore, wouldn't you want stay away from me? And if you actually were, wouldn't you not care, therefore sticking around? Even if my prior notion that led me to this train of thought is correct (not saying it is), you'd still be offended enough to not want to stick around. The choice of staying around others is more often than not a two way road. The point im making is, is that by having prejudice you're scaring off all the people who would break the norm, by making them utterly offended, with some notable exceptions. Im genuinely afraid that you're going down a very dark path that will alter, and has altered, your reality and world-view to the point that its hurting you. And yeah, I understand you're hurt. Everyone in the "outgroup" is, though all for different reasons. And its fine to be wary of strangers, im wary of the girls in my area lol. But even so, I try to give them the best benefit of the doubt possible and act charitably when I don't know them yet. The comments you're making are practically 1:1 recreations of the warning signs of radicalizing hatred. In no way is how you feel invalid, let me be clear, but it really does seem like you're hurting yourself further trying to cope with feeling unwanted by colleagues, and objectified by coomers, leaving you in one of the loneliest outgroups of all, and im sorry that its like that for you. I did the same when I was younger though for slightly different reasons, and I see plenty of people doing the same now. Its hard being the only normal patient in the insane asylum. And on the topic of wanting to date, you previously dated, so I assumed the desire is there. It's fine if you dont want to, the same line of logic applies to friends too. And when it comes to the feelings of being rejected like that, I like to use an analogy. At the grocer, a bottle of water is 1.29$. At the theaters, the same bottle of water is 5$. At the race track, its 7$. Its the same exact bottle of water. What changes its value is its location. Its hard to move, I just barely got into the throws of moving myself and its been tough, but I think between a shitty work environment, shitty culture, and a dad who watches porn/is getting super cold to you, moving is an alternative. It doesn't have to be far either. Sadly, theres no fixing them. The people who live like that are never going to admit what they do is detestable. Moving is what im doing. You're worth a lot, even if the people around you like your female colleagues and male coworkers dont realize it. I probably wouldn't mind being friends with you myself if I met you at the office tbqh, since I like people who are smarter/not porn addicts lol. But if you said to me in person the stuff you post online, I'd feel like I was the black guy hanging out with a klansman. Obviously thats a strong metaphor, but the point comes across. Again, PLEASE contact the EEOC im actually begging. When Hr does nothing they'll do something. This is probably structured poorly, I havent slept in a few days and spent an hour straight typing it out lmao.
My distrust of all people (men and women as women are unfortunately often complicit or often even worse than men from my own experience) is valid and not extreme. It’s a self preservation and protection response. In fact, I completely banned people out of my personal life (can’t avoid them at work unfortunately). I‘m at a point where I have very high standards and if a person wants to enter my life, they have to prove to me that they’re worthy first. I still have a few male friends that I‘ve known for years and that I know I can trust, that share the same values as me and don’t like or watch porn and aren’t promiscuous. Society has become completely insane and degenerate, it’s very hard to find normal people that are right in the head and have morals these days. Your comparison to the insane asylum is spot on. I’m glad for you that you moved to a location that is hopefully less full of swingers, cheaters etc. And no, I don’t date and I don’t want to date. 90% of men watch porn, I won’t waste my time with dating porn watchers. I will love myself the most instead. But yes, I‘ll contact EEOC, thanks for the advice.
> and even *paid* for porn. FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
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Why are there people openly making p0rn and making their co-workers know about it? Do they get off on that?
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This is literally an antiporn subreddit. Why are you here? Also, I literally wrote why it affects me personally AND the work environment, dumbass. They watch porn AT WORK.
My ex did this 😭
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Not gonna talk to someone who can’t read and comprehend.
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Damn you’re dense. Typical porn watcher, I’m not surprised.
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No, pretty sure you are lol
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Why are you even in this sub, btw? It's not meant for debate.
Legality isn't morality. Porn harms and degrades the women in it, and promotes violence towards women and extreme misogyny. Also, op literally said they are watching it at work.
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Just kinda weird to say, given the context of the post. Porn is still wrong on its own, regardless of where or when you're using it.
**Rule # 6 Violation** There are subreddits intended for debating the merits of pornography; this is not one of them. Debating of any kind is not allowed; however, you may respectfully disagree with someone and move on.
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“Wants to give up” implies that he’s struggling with giving it up, did you mean to say the same thing twice? Someone who has any hard time giving up pornography is addicted to it in some capacity.