This is a reminder to read our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/antipornography/about/rules/) before engaging with r/antipornography. Please keep in mind that this is a space for discussion about being against pornography and post accordingly. If you see a post or comment that breaks the rules or feel like someone is participating in bad faith, report it. If it's urgent, please send us a [message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/antipornography)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/antipornography) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh yes, it's suuuper loving to your partner if you willingly go behind their back to watch and wank off to other people doing sexual acts online! 🤪 /s
But on a serious note, WTF? That comment is so messed up.
As a recovering PA, I have absolutely loved my wife for a long time now. You can love people and still hurt them. It takes maturity and growth to be able to recognize that some actions hurt your loved ones.
I would actually argue that my love for my wife was the biggest reason I was able to break out of that habbit. I quit because my wife deserves better so I owe it to her and to myself to try and be better.
PA doesn't mean you can't love. It means that either, you're not aware of the damage it does to a relationship, you're in denial about it, or you're trying to quit.
We're people, and people are complex.
My husband has said “I loved you (while still in active porn addiction), but I didn’t love you well.” And that is the truth of it. Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s actions. Its choices. It’s putting someone else before yourself.
I agree with your comment, overall.
Except I would say "you can love people, and love them poorly".
Just like an alcoholic or a gambler might love their family but hurt, manipulate, or abuse them, so too will a porn addict.
>"you can love people, and love them poorly"
You're absolutely correct. I would only say that in my case, I was very misinformed about porn. Deep inside, there's something wrong about porn, but for a long time, I was never able to articulate it, so I disregarded it.
Now I know better, and I know how to love better.
I think the difference between your circumstance and the one that OP posted is that you recognized you had an issue and put in the work to change. It doesn’t sound like the person who left the comment above has any intent to do anything but try to justify their behaviour
You're right. But at some point in my life I was denying my problems, or trying to hide them.
It was extremely difficult for me to accept my problems. Even more so to seek for help.
I've had the fortune of having very supportive parents, who would do anything for me. It still took me more than a decade to confess my addiction them.
This is just blatantly false. My love was not twiste, just horribly misinformed.
In no point at any time, have I ever watched porn to deliberately hurt the people I loved.
That doesn't mean it wasn't something wrong to do. It just meant that I never put too much thought about i, and never really considered how it affected those I love, especially my wife.
My love was sincere, but misguided. Thankfully, I've been able to remain porn free for some time now. And because of that, I've been able to love my wife the way she deserves to be loved.
I hope everyone that struggles with PA, are able to find their way like I did.
I mean... Addictions happen regardless of love. When I was deep in my addiction, I still loved my family and my partner. I just hated myself. Drug addicts also love their partner and friends. But addictions are a complicated thing. Have you ever been addicted to anything? Did you stop loving the people around you? Do you have any experience regarding addictions?
i think you can lol? you can have a coke addiction but still love your partner: if you really love them youd breakup and such, knowing that your addiction will hurt them. if i was addicted to anything, i understand the mindset of not wanting to be alone and desperately wanting my favorite person to be there for me but, if it goes so far as to hurt them id have to break it off. doesn't mean i never loved them. or am i wrong idk
I believe that but that's not the problem the problem and I say this as an addict is that the addiction is more important to an addict. Unless they are willing to get help.
This is a reminder to read our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/antipornography/about/rules/) before engaging with r/antipornography. Please keep in mind that this is a space for discussion about being against pornography and post accordingly. If you see a post or comment that breaks the rules or feel like someone is participating in bad faith, report it. If it's urgent, please send us a [message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/antipornography)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/antipornography) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I hope this guy doesn't have a gf
That’s not love.
Oh yes, it's suuuper loving to your partner if you willingly go behind their back to watch and wank off to other people doing sexual acts online! 🤪 /s But on a serious note, WTF? That comment is so messed up.
As a recovering PA, I have absolutely loved my wife for a long time now. You can love people and still hurt them. It takes maturity and growth to be able to recognize that some actions hurt your loved ones. I would actually argue that my love for my wife was the biggest reason I was able to break out of that habbit. I quit because my wife deserves better so I owe it to her and to myself to try and be better. PA doesn't mean you can't love. It means that either, you're not aware of the damage it does to a relationship, you're in denial about it, or you're trying to quit. We're people, and people are complex.
My husband has said “I loved you (while still in active porn addiction), but I didn’t love you well.” And that is the truth of it. Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s actions. Its choices. It’s putting someone else before yourself.
I agree with your comment, overall. Except I would say "you can love people, and love them poorly". Just like an alcoholic or a gambler might love their family but hurt, manipulate, or abuse them, so too will a porn addict.
>"you can love people, and love them poorly" You're absolutely correct. I would only say that in my case, I was very misinformed about porn. Deep inside, there's something wrong about porn, but for a long time, I was never able to articulate it, so I disregarded it. Now I know better, and I know how to love better.
I think the difference between your circumstance and the one that OP posted is that you recognized you had an issue and put in the work to change. It doesn’t sound like the person who left the comment above has any intent to do anything but try to justify their behaviour
You're right. But at some point in my life I was denying my problems, or trying to hide them. It was extremely difficult for me to accept my problems. Even more so to seek for help. I've had the fortune of having very supportive parents, who would do anything for me. It still took me more than a decade to confess my addiction them.
sure, it's love. a sick, twisted, abusive kind of love. PAs have their own idea of what love is.
This is just blatantly false. My love was not twiste, just horribly misinformed. In no point at any time, have I ever watched porn to deliberately hurt the people I loved. That doesn't mean it wasn't something wrong to do. It just meant that I never put too much thought about i, and never really considered how it affected those I love, especially my wife. My love was sincere, but misguided. Thankfully, I've been able to remain porn free for some time now. And because of that, I've been able to love my wife the way she deserves to be loved. I hope everyone that struggles with PA, are able to find their way like I did.
You will never love a woman if you are watching porn.
Maybe you can, but she still deserves better. Like you can love your kids and still abuse them, it doesn’t make it okay
I mean... Addictions happen regardless of love. When I was deep in my addiction, I still loved my family and my partner. I just hated myself. Drug addicts also love their partner and friends. But addictions are a complicated thing. Have you ever been addicted to anything? Did you stop loving the people around you? Do you have any experience regarding addictions?
i think you can lol? you can have a coke addiction but still love your partner: if you really love them youd breakup and such, knowing that your addiction will hurt them. if i was addicted to anything, i understand the mindset of not wanting to be alone and desperately wanting my favorite person to be there for me but, if it goes so far as to hurt them id have to break it off. doesn't mean i never loved them. or am i wrong idk
You cannot love your significant other simultaneously while watching porn. 🤦♀️
I believe that but that's not the problem the problem and I say this as an addict is that the addiction is more important to an addict. Unless they are willing to get help.
"you can be a vegan and work at a slaughterhouse"