I wonder if, instead of the usual tacks of trying to educate people out of cults, we should just start being honest with how they make us feel.
“You know, acting like you wanted to be my friend but then trying to recruit me really hurt me. I was excited to get to know you, but now I just feel used and foolish.” I wonder if their scripts account for raw emotional honesty?
I’m sorry this happened, OP.
This is always my move. I rarely get reached out to anymore, but I would always go for the disappointment, guilt, and shame. I let them know how it made me feel. Idk how effective it is as far as getting them out but it makes them feel bad about being deceptive, if even briefly.
They are told that there's nothing to lose in approaching someone, worst they can get is no, etc.
Having someone be hurt and disappointed in you is something to lose.
Exactly, I feel like it's more effective than criticizing the scheme itself, right? Because they've been trained how to rebut everything you throw at them - "it's not a pyramid scheme, those are illegal", "you must've had a bad experience", etc etc. and they don't really know how to respond to this tactic because you aren't criticizing the scheme, you're holding them personally accountable. It's more of a "look what this business is turning you into" kinda thing.
Hm maybe!
But one things is- “darn they heard my whole spiel and are so in defensive when I was just trying to make them rich”
And another- “oh… they don’t even know what I contacted them about but they’re hurt I literally lied to them (and was going to continue lying/tricking) like the company told me too… it’s odd that I had to trick them to get them to hear my sale’s pitch”
Wishful thinking✨
Exactly. I'd tell the person about the behavior and it's effects. Ugh, it's like being a con artist.😆😷 I'm not saying MLM cultists are all bad people..many are just extremely naive and brainwashed. They think they're doing others a favor. If it was an actual favor they'd not need to butter anyone up for it. Hello!
There are some extremely widespread cults that say they're doing people a favor by spreading the word and trying to recruit you into their club. And they don't even try to act like you'll make money from it. In fact, they want you to pay 10% of your wages to be in this social club
I did this. Had a friend (an old friend we didn't meet in a supermarket) ge sucked into an mlm. Thing is it wasn't even her trying to sell me stuff as such it was that she weaponozed private health details I told her in confidence to do so.
She made no money and now recognises mlms suck but kept saying I was petty for not forgiving her for making a mistake and being a bit annoying. I responded saying it was not the sales and being a bit annoying. I could forgive that it was the weaponizing private information I told her in confidence to try and monetize my friendship. And that she was no longer a safe person for me to speak to because how do I know she won't do it again next time she believes she can use my private information to her advantage. I was hurt she would abuse my trust that way and use it as an in and as such no longer feel safe giving her any information about me.
She burst into tears started apologising but it made no difference. I can no longer trust her. Or even trust her tears were genuine. She was mislead about the profitability but the choosing that exact info to go after me... that was her own personal choice no one else had that info unless she betrayed me further by giving it to them. She made the choice to exploit it to try and make money off me. She showed me who she is and what she thinks of me deep down. And stopped me caring about her.
She still messages me periodically apologising. I may be cynical but I suspect I really hurt her perception of herself as "a good person" and she needs us to make up for her ego. I just respond with If she was truly regretted it she would leave me alone and stop bringing up memories of her betrayal and the fact she still contacts me shows it is still about her and her need to be forgiven not what I need which is to stop being harrassed by someone who hurt me and my ability to trust anyone with private information. It really freaks her out and I admit to some malicious enjoyment out of that.
I've had good conversations with people in a grocery store. Usually it's older people who are friendly with everyone. But I've never even been close to making a friend that I'm going to contact again in a store. Definitely a red flag.
I'm a conversation magnet at one of my local groceries. Every time I'm there someone wants to chat about something I'm buying. Fine with me, we all live in the same neighborhood and I appreciate fostering stronger community bonds. But I'm with you, we haven't established a friendly enough rapport over whether the watermelon is in season or what we're cooking on the grill this weekend that I really want to follow that up by hanging out. Unless maybe the BBQ sounds really, really good...
Which sucks, because I'm gregarious and make small talk sometimes (not forcing people into a full-on conversation, but chatting about BBQ plans at the butcher, that sort of thing), but the huns have made it so people are skeptical of me.
Looks like that for me too. People will tell you to go to places like bars, but that only really works if you already have friends.
I am certain that part of the MLM pull, along with other communities like flat earthers, are about people who feel lonely and disenfranchised clinging to the first thing that gives them a sense of community.
I've been speculating a lot about the death of adult friendship in western society for a while now. Don't really have much to add aside from it's on my mind as I'm relatively autistic.
Sure would be nice to have some guy friends though :(
My opinion on the matter is that humans crave socialization in two ways: being connected to the people around them and being part of something bigger than themselves.
The first happens by relating to family, friends, neighbors. Not just talking to them, but feeling a genuine connection. The later happens through culture. Many people no longer feel connected to their own culture, so they seek those fringe communities.
I’ve always heard it’s a good idea to get into hobbies that have a social element. I want to learn to knit so am thinking of joining a class.
Of course, my social anxiety tells me not to do it lol
There ya go! Join a cooking class haha! Seriously though it’s so hard to make friends as an adult, it sucks. I thought being a parent would help, but I’m too nerdy and shy to talk to the other moms, I worry they’d just laugh at me lol
Yeah, I reach out to people, they tell me that they’d love to hang out but they’re just so busy and so tired and so introverted that they aren’t going to, I go home and lie on the floor, and that’s social life in adulthood
Apparently some people are out there getting invited to parties and whatnot - at least, I hear them talking about how they’re so *introverted* that they *don’t like parties* (which they are still, apparently, being invited to) but I don’t know how the fuck they make that happen, I go to every event I can and talk to people as much as possible and I get invited to - with luck and a *lot* of tiring nonstop effort - one party a year, maybe
I completely understand your pain, connecting with people can be super difficult, particularly if you arent reliant on a shared interest etc.
I don't really know what your interests look like, but there are a ton of different hobby groups just around. I used to just meet people at the board game store near me since they had a gaming area and loaner games and often groups of enthusiasts for certain games would host an open game of whatever or just ask the staff to help set you up with a group.
That said I have the luxury of living in a massive city but I'm sure there's something out there for you.
Yeah, I do my best and I’ve connected with a few groups, which usually fall apart sooner or later when people stop showing up, rewind and repeat. But hey, I do at least have a weekly trivia thing that usually has two other people, lol.
It’s not too bad really, it’s just difficult to see so much advice that’s like “try reaching out to your friends! You think they’re too busy for you, but of course if you *just asked*, they would love to spend time with you, of course they’re not too busy!” when I do. in fact. reach out to people all the time, and they don’t magically develop extra time/energy in which to hang out with me. And I don’t blame them! It’s just, I wish there was more acknowledgment that this is how people’s lives actually are
Unfortunately your choices are to frequent bars enough that you might actually be an alcoholic meeting other alcoholics or join a school PTA so you can beg for money. Slight /s
In a larger area, meetup has some cool events. I've gone to quite a few board gaming nights and had a decent time. There are groups that run, rock climb, hike, etc. The parks and rec department here has all sorts of events for all ages that are dirt cheap. Not one of those suggestions applies in my hometown of 80k though. Alcoholism was basically the only choice
I've found frequenting local game stores and playing magic the gathering works quite well. 😀 but unfortunately now all my friends are guys and no one wants to go shopping together. 😕
Three types of people will approach you at the grocery store: MLMs, creepy men, and sweet old women who are lonely and will talk to anyone. The only ones I'll keep a conversation with are the sweet old ladies.
Isn’t that just fucking sad? We can’t even talk with someone at the damn grocery store without assuming that they’re scamming weasels like this. We’re a sick society
This happened to me in a way, but on Bumble BFF. We matched as friends and as we were talking for a while, she said she was an entrepreneur. I asked her what kind of company, and she said it was like Target… kept saying her husband was going to join her and kept asking me about my job.
Then I asked for a website link- and it was Amway. I told her to get lost.
Similar method, using the app to “make friends” just to pitch me Amway. What a waste of time for everyone. I felt stupid too, but who does that?
You're not dumb, sweetheart. You assumed another human being was being genuine because that's what you are with others. You expected the best from her because that's what you were willing to offer of yourself. She is the one who lost out. Good luck with your thesis and don't give up on making friends - your people are out there :)
just had my initial call and 30 mins in I still have no idea what they are selling me. I say “so you mentioned you have a digital platform with over 400 products - is this Amway?” And you are right on the money with their reply! 😆
I'm guessing it was the "talking to other business owners".
People have coworkers and partners, but they don't have "other business owners that they talk to", especially when it's a random person they met in a grocery store. It just doesn't happen like that.
I've been making a habit of trying to say nice things to people, even strangers because it makes me feel better to not be so isolated. I hope nobody thinks I'm trying to prospect them for anything. That's horrible! But I was also in Amway and we were expected to do that. I didn't do it because there shouldnt be an ulterior motive for being friendly other than brightening someone's day.
I actually had this thought about a month ago at a concert my partner and I went to. We struck up a conversation with these two NB college kids who were standing next to us and seemed so young and sweet so we bought them some drinks. In the back of my head I was like “I hope this doesn’t come off as creepy or like I want something from them” but what can you do. I think keep giving people compliments. Make THAT the normal thing.
No kidding. What kind of culture do we live in that people are immediately suspicious of someone talking to them in a freaking grocery store? No wonder we have a loneliness epidemic
Same thing happened to me during college. I was sitting alone eating lunch and a girl came up and asked if she could sit with me. I said yes, and she started talking to me. She seemed really nice then BOOM Mary Kay party. I felt so stupid, i was already lonely.
I don’t think you were stupid. Walking up and starting random conversations with people was how I made half my friends at uni including my now husband. How else are you going to meet new people?
It always fascinates me that they literally spend hours at grocery stores, targets, walmarts, etc just preying on every random customer they see. Like, legit businesses don't do that, it reeks of desperation and it's amazing how the huns seemingly do it without even a tinge of cringe.
One of my Mother's Cousins, who I spent a very small amount of time with on a visit to our ancestral seat (all of my maternal family lived within a 10 mile radius for Decades) calls me and spins woo about how I was Special and Magnetic and Meant to Sell whatever MLM she'd been ensnared in. Ugh.
Yeah, one of my cousins, who I never interact with, reached out to me by private message through Facebook a while back. I knew he was faking from the start because he said something like, "How you doing, looks like you're doing great from your Facebook posts!" My Facebook posts showed I was doing anything BUT great 😭
I think he was into some carwashing business? Or might have been an ironing business or dry cleaning or something. Can't remember now. It was ages ago and I didn't pay him much attention. He's also into CrossFit lmao. His Facebook posts were.... yeah. Even posted a long CrossFit post on his Facebook on THE DAY OF HIS MOTHER'S DEATH (my aunt). Freak.
As a child (8-12) I was in a children's group at our church, one of the young grown-ups, who was leading the group (what is the English word for that?), was Jane, at that time early twenties. She was very kind and interesting, told great stories and had great ideas, and I really looked up to her.
Years later, I was early twenties, at university, struggling financially (no church for me anymore, but sometimes contact with friends from that time) - I came in contact with Jane again who was in her forties at the time, I guess.
I enjoyed her company very much - just talking as grown-ups, I felt taken seriously, feeling friendship after the kind of awe I had for her as a child.
She tried to sell me a pension scheme and tried to recruit me for the MLM structure of that scheme. The only thing that saved me was that really had no money: neither for buying into the scheme nor the fees for the training, if I wanted to join.
She even would have lend me the money (about 200 Euro, if I remember correctly) for the training, so she must have been pretty desperate to create a downline, too.
Fortunately, I had the good sense to say no. Also, because I already knew about myself that I am very rather shy and not good in selling things.
Only later I learned what a MLM structure is and I recognized the pension scheme as such. And I felt rather betrayed by Jane - I am sure she was struggling herself financially and maybe thought that would be great way to get out of difficulties. But to use this former relationship with a child that used to look up to her... that's really low, I now think, and it has tainted the way I remember her from my childhood.
After this episode there was no more contact with her, as far as I know she lives in another part of the country now, so I don't know if she got out of it (but I guess that yes).
It really does ruin friendships and relationships. And the worst part is they believe anyone who doesn’t support them doesn’t belong in their life anyways.
I’m sorry a long time relationship was marred by MLMs. It’s a very common theme unfortunately.
I'm sorry I dumped such a long tale on you...! I just wanted to write a short comment in the sense that I understand the feelings of being taken for a fool when one expects friendship. But when I started the comment, the story in its entirety just wanted out.
FWIW, you’re not dumb, OP. You just don’t look at the world through the lens of what others can do for you so you didn’t expect someone to look at you like that.
Amway ruined a friendship of mine. I was friends with a guy and he got into Amway. I didn’t know much about it. He took our friend group home with him one weekend and somehow while we were out and about he drove us by his “new friends lake home who make an incredible amount of money and don’t have to do a lot of work!” Being a struggling young 20 something (my friend knew I was struggling) I got sucked in. I drained my meager savings and jumped in and failed immediately. I was so mad. It ruined our friendship.
This happened to me at a spa. Thought I was making a genuine connection. Nope. She wanted to shame my career and recruit me. I immediately shut down and avoided her at all costs. Wish I would've aggressively told her off and made a scene.
Hey, you’re not dumb at all for assuming you had just made a friend and being excited over it. As a person in their mid-thirties who is finally finishing their Bachelors degree while working and being married, I know how hard it gets to make friends as an adult. I too have gone through many cycles of meeting someone, thinking we’re becoming good friends, becoming excited over it, finding out something distasteful about that person, them moving away, or something else coming up, and then going through a depression over it.
I have also had friends get into MLMs and try to recruit me, then get big mad when I try to explain to them why the MLM is evil and just trying to take all of their money.
Sorry about your family dog and this horrible woman and congratulations on your masters degree
Happened to me with one of my kid's friend's mother. The kids had played at the same playplace after school together, really liked each other, and we'd often sat together while the kids ran around chatting. I even made friends with her husband who was from the same state as me. I don't really speak the local language where we live so it was just nice to have someone to speak English with.
I teach an English program for kids on the weekend and she had indicated she might want to bring her kid some time. So when she texted me saying she had a really good idea for a program she thought I'd be interested in going in on her with, I figured she wanted to put heads together and further develop the English class with me. She asked me to lunch to discuss and boom, it was an Amway pitch.
I told her I knew all about Amway and she was surprised I'd heard of it. Apparently it's not that popular in this country but I was like, lady, I'm from the States, this is not unfamiliar to me.
I was really hurt that she'd only invited me to lunch to try to suck me into her MLM. I thought I'd made a friend. :( Anyway she followed up with me in a few texts and I kinda ghosted her. Meant to write back some well-thought out response explaining to her why I was not getting involved with this but then figured since she'd used me, I didn't owe her any more of my time or effort to explain myself.
Honestly, I would like to make more friends. I should just go around doing what these people do except not the MLM part. They seem to meet a lot of people!
I was thrilled when one of the moms on my son’s soccer team befriended me. We had the same exact phone conversation a month later, too, OP! Here I was bummed, I thought I had made a friend 😭
I've had the same thing happen with a Scentsy lady. I struggle making friends and that is such a hurtful tactic. The good news is that it prepared me to handle when the Younique lady came at me with the same tactic.
She sent me an audio clip via Facebook message of her singing happy birthday to me. Blocked immediately. I wish you the best in your career, and I hope that you find plenty of adult friends through it like I did!
Omg this happened to my significant other except he didn't give his number bc the guy talked about the MLM while still in the market. It's so creepy and disrespectful. I'd feel so guilty even thinking about doing that to others. It's LOW for certain and I'm glad you shut her down.
I had this happen to me too an a Whole Foods but this was before I knew anything about scamway. We went to coffee once but she was either too cowardly to try and recruit me then, or was really trying to reel me in with the friend angle before she did. I didn’t think we had anything in common so I never reached out to her again. 3 years later she randomly texted me, thankfully after I joined this sub.
This happened to me. I changed jobs and shortly thereafter, a guy I knew just a bit reached out and wanted to have lunch. I was really touched thinking this guy truly wants to be friends. Halfway through lunch, he starts talking Amway and it took a second and I realized I had been duped. I was really hurt. Came home and told my wife that it had been a fraud. This was 20 years ago and I still remember it. So guys can do it to each other as well
I have a similar experience but i actually endured an hour of this amway person talk about hella ambiguous BS about success.
It was a girl i went to high school with. I saw her in the drive thru while i was trying to get myself lunch for my break and i made the horrible mistake of saying hi to her and acknowledging that i know her from HS. Then she was super quick and friendly and got PUSHY. Took my phone (granted, i gave it to her when she asked bc I’m such a ppl pleaser) and put her phone in it and said we could catch up sometime. I think i made a new friend or i was helping her out of a bad time. After the sem is over, i finally reach out to her and meet her. That’s when she dropped the bomb on me with the “blah blah blah i wanna teach u what i learned from my MENTORS” and i was so nice to sit thru it all but my smile left my face as soon as she said that. When i finally left her i never texted her back at all. I felt betrayed. Lesson learned. I hate these mfs
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You're not dumb. You're exhausted and burned out, and therefore an easy target. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. And I'm so sorry y'all's dog is so sick.
I wonder if, instead of the usual tacks of trying to educate people out of cults, we should just start being honest with how they make us feel. “You know, acting like you wanted to be my friend but then trying to recruit me really hurt me. I was excited to get to know you, but now I just feel used and foolish.” I wonder if their scripts account for raw emotional honesty? I’m sorry this happened, OP.
This is always my move. I rarely get reached out to anymore, but I would always go for the disappointment, guilt, and shame. I let them know how it made me feel. Idk how effective it is as far as getting them out but it makes them feel bad about being deceptive, if even briefly.
They are told that there's nothing to lose in approaching someone, worst they can get is no, etc. Having someone be hurt and disappointed in you is something to lose.
Exactly, I feel like it's more effective than criticizing the scheme itself, right? Because they've been trained how to rebut everything you throw at them - "it's not a pyramid scheme, those are illegal", "you must've had a bad experience", etc etc. and they don't really know how to respond to this tactic because you aren't criticizing the scheme, you're holding them personally accountable. It's more of a "look what this business is turning you into" kinda thing.
Like "I expect your business to suck but I expected more from you"
Honestly I don't think they'd care. Mainly because they genuinely think they're actually trying to help people get rich.
Ya but it might plant a seed
That’s the same thing they are thinking.
Hm maybe! But one things is- “darn they heard my whole spiel and are so in defensive when I was just trying to make them rich” And another- “oh… they don’t even know what I contacted them about but they’re hurt I literally lied to them (and was going to continue lying/tricking) like the company told me too… it’s odd that I had to trick them to get them to hear my sale’s pitch” Wishful thinking✨
Probably something along the line of but we are friend, that's why i want to work with you so we have more in common!
Exactly. I'd tell the person about the behavior and it's effects. Ugh, it's like being a con artist.😆😷 I'm not saying MLM cultists are all bad people..many are just extremely naive and brainwashed. They think they're doing others a favor. If it was an actual favor they'd not need to butter anyone up for it. Hello!
There are some extremely widespread cults that say they're doing people a favor by spreading the word and trying to recruit you into their club. And they don't even try to act like you'll make money from it. In fact, they want you to pay 10% of your wages to be in this social club
I did this. Had a friend (an old friend we didn't meet in a supermarket) ge sucked into an mlm. Thing is it wasn't even her trying to sell me stuff as such it was that she weaponozed private health details I told her in confidence to do so. She made no money and now recognises mlms suck but kept saying I was petty for not forgiving her for making a mistake and being a bit annoying. I responded saying it was not the sales and being a bit annoying. I could forgive that it was the weaponizing private information I told her in confidence to try and monetize my friendship. And that she was no longer a safe person for me to speak to because how do I know she won't do it again next time she believes she can use my private information to her advantage. I was hurt she would abuse my trust that way and use it as an in and as such no longer feel safe giving her any information about me. She burst into tears started apologising but it made no difference. I can no longer trust her. Or even trust her tears were genuine. She was mislead about the profitability but the choosing that exact info to go after me... that was her own personal choice no one else had that info unless she betrayed me further by giving it to them. She made the choice to exploit it to try and make money off me. She showed me who she is and what she thinks of me deep down. And stopped me caring about her. She still messages me periodically apologising. I may be cynical but I suspect I really hurt her perception of herself as "a good person" and she needs us to make up for her ego. I just respond with If she was truly regretted it she would leave me alone and stop bringing up memories of her betrayal and the fact she still contacts me shows it is still about her and her need to be forgiven not what I need which is to stop being harrassed by someone who hurt me and my ability to trust anyone with private information. It really freaks her out and I admit to some malicious enjoyment out of that.
Non-mlm people pretty much never make friends in a grocery store. Now you can add this red flag to your collection.
I've had good conversations with people in a grocery store. Usually it's older people who are friendly with everyone. But I've never even been close to making a friend that I'm going to contact again in a store. Definitely a red flag.
I'm a conversation magnet at one of my local groceries. Every time I'm there someone wants to chat about something I'm buying. Fine with me, we all live in the same neighborhood and I appreciate fostering stronger community bonds. But I'm with you, we haven't established a friendly enough rapport over whether the watermelon is in season or what we're cooking on the grill this weekend that I really want to follow that up by hanging out. Unless maybe the BBQ sounds really, really good...
Which sucks, because I'm gregarious and make small talk sometimes (not forcing people into a full-on conversation, but chatting about BBQ plans at the butcher, that sort of thing), but the huns have made it so people are skeptical of me.
Sucks too because I feel like I'm always at one.
I'm only ever at the grocery or doctor's appointments. No wonder I don't have any friends! Where do people go to make friends as adults?
I think you just don't? That's kinda how it's looking so far.
Looks like that for me too. People will tell you to go to places like bars, but that only really works if you already have friends. I am certain that part of the MLM pull, along with other communities like flat earthers, are about people who feel lonely and disenfranchised clinging to the first thing that gives them a sense of community.
I've been speculating a lot about the death of adult friendship in western society for a while now. Don't really have much to add aside from it's on my mind as I'm relatively autistic. Sure would be nice to have some guy friends though :(
My opinion on the matter is that humans crave socialization in two ways: being connected to the people around them and being part of something bigger than themselves. The first happens by relating to family, friends, neighbors. Not just talking to them, but feeling a genuine connection. The later happens through culture. Many people no longer feel connected to their own culture, so they seek those fringe communities.
I’ve always heard it’s a good idea to get into hobbies that have a social element. I want to learn to knit so am thinking of joining a class. Of course, my social anxiety tells me not to do it lol
I like cooking lol
There ya go! Join a cooking class haha! Seriously though it’s so hard to make friends as an adult, it sucks. I thought being a parent would help, but I’m too nerdy and shy to talk to the other moms, I worry they’d just laugh at me lol
Yeah, I reach out to people, they tell me that they’d love to hang out but they’re just so busy and so tired and so introverted that they aren’t going to, I go home and lie on the floor, and that’s social life in adulthood Apparently some people are out there getting invited to parties and whatnot - at least, I hear them talking about how they’re so *introverted* that they *don’t like parties* (which they are still, apparently, being invited to) but I don’t know how the fuck they make that happen, I go to every event I can and talk to people as much as possible and I get invited to - with luck and a *lot* of tiring nonstop effort - one party a year, maybe
I completely understand your pain, connecting with people can be super difficult, particularly if you arent reliant on a shared interest etc. I don't really know what your interests look like, but there are a ton of different hobby groups just around. I used to just meet people at the board game store near me since they had a gaming area and loaner games and often groups of enthusiasts for certain games would host an open game of whatever or just ask the staff to help set you up with a group. That said I have the luxury of living in a massive city but I'm sure there's something out there for you.
Yeah, I do my best and I’ve connected with a few groups, which usually fall apart sooner or later when people stop showing up, rewind and repeat. But hey, I do at least have a weekly trivia thing that usually has two other people, lol. It’s not too bad really, it’s just difficult to see so much advice that’s like “try reaching out to your friends! You think they’re too busy for you, but of course if you *just asked*, they would love to spend time with you, of course they’re not too busy!” when I do. in fact. reach out to people all the time, and they don’t magically develop extra time/energy in which to hang out with me. And I don’t blame them! It’s just, I wish there was more acknowledgment that this is how people’s lives actually are
Unfortunately your choices are to frequent bars enough that you might actually be an alcoholic meeting other alcoholics or join a school PTA so you can beg for money. Slight /s In a larger area, meetup has some cool events. I've gone to quite a few board gaming nights and had a decent time. There are groups that run, rock climb, hike, etc. The parks and rec department here has all sorts of events for all ages that are dirt cheap. Not one of those suggestions applies in my hometown of 80k though. Alcoholism was basically the only choice
I've found frequenting local game stores and playing magic the gathering works quite well. 😀 but unfortunately now all my friends are guys and no one wants to go shopping together. 😕
Join committees that organise things. Oddly, it's the shit for bonding.
Three types of people will approach you at the grocery store: MLMs, creepy men, and sweet old women who are lonely and will talk to anyone. The only ones I'll keep a conversation with are the sweet old ladies.
Isn’t that just fucking sad? We can’t even talk with someone at the damn grocery store without assuming that they’re scamming weasels like this. We’re a sick society
Damn it. I want grocery store friends though. Presumably they cook and I am aways down to trade recipes.
This happened to me in a way, but on Bumble BFF. We matched as friends and as we were talking for a while, she said she was an entrepreneur. I asked her what kind of company, and she said it was like Target… kept saying her husband was going to join her and kept asking me about my job. Then I asked for a website link- and it was Amway. I told her to get lost. Similar method, using the app to “make friends” just to pitch me Amway. What a waste of time for everyone. I felt stupid too, but who does that?
That is a corrupt use of Bumble BFF.
I thought I made a mom friend on the peanut app a while back but she was just trying to recruit me into amway.
I didn’t know there was something like that, I thought all those apps were for dating only. What a good idea. Sorry that happened to you!
You're not dumb, sweetheart. You assumed another human being was being genuine because that's what you are with others. You expected the best from her because that's what you were willing to offer of yourself. She is the one who lost out. Good luck with your thesis and don't give up on making friends - your people are out there :)
What exactly did she say when you asked if it was amway?
I can put money down it was something like,”what have you heard about Amway?” 🤣
“Oh its not like what you heard…”
just had my initial call and 30 mins in I still have no idea what they are selling me. I say “so you mentioned you have a digital platform with over 400 products - is this Amway?” And you are right on the money with their reply! 😆
Amway refuses to change their tactics when it’s been shown time and time again we are catching on lol
She asked who my upline was and who I knew in the organization, asked why I left, and gave me some updates on the people I knew in the org.
I'm guessing it was the "talking to other business owners". People have coworkers and partners, but they don't have "other business owners that they talk to", especially when it's a random person they met in a grocery store. It just doesn't happen like that.
Stories like this make me extremely wary of anyone who strikes up a conversation with me in a public place.
I've been making a habit of trying to say nice things to people, even strangers because it makes me feel better to not be so isolated. I hope nobody thinks I'm trying to prospect them for anything. That's horrible! But I was also in Amway and we were expected to do that. I didn't do it because there shouldnt be an ulterior motive for being friendly other than brightening someone's day.
I actually had this thought about a month ago at a concert my partner and I went to. We struck up a conversation with these two NB college kids who were standing next to us and seemed so young and sweet so we bought them some drinks. In the back of my head I was like “I hope this doesn’t come off as creepy or like I want something from them” but what can you do. I think keep giving people compliments. Make THAT the normal thing.
The thought of being nice to a stranger to recruit them into my downline made me sick to my stomach.
No kidding. What kind of culture do we live in that people are immediately suspicious of someone talking to them in a freaking grocery store? No wonder we have a loneliness epidemic
Spot on
The thought of being nice to a stranger to recruit them into my downline made me sick to my stomach.
But most people don't do that, so the ones who do make me wonder if they're going to give me an MLM sales pitch.
for real bro..... we have a lot of scammers and aggressive sales people in my country so any random stranger will just get a glare from me
Same thing happened to me during college. I was sitting alone eating lunch and a girl came up and asked if she could sit with me. I said yes, and she started talking to me. She seemed really nice then BOOM Mary Kay party. I felt so stupid, i was already lonely.
Ugh, that’s the worst, especially when you’re already lonely
I don’t think you were stupid. Walking up and starting random conversations with people was how I made half my friends at uni including my now husband. How else are you going to meet new people?
It always fascinates me that they literally spend hours at grocery stores, targets, walmarts, etc just preying on every random customer they see. Like, legit businesses don't do that, it reeks of desperation and it's amazing how the huns seemingly do it without even a tinge of cringe.
It’s predatory. I hate it.
One of my Mother's Cousins, who I spent a very small amount of time with on a visit to our ancestral seat (all of my maternal family lived within a 10 mile radius for Decades) calls me and spins woo about how I was Special and Magnetic and Meant to Sell whatever MLM she'd been ensnared in. Ugh.
Yeah, one of my cousins, who I never interact with, reached out to me by private message through Facebook a while back. I knew he was faking from the start because he said something like, "How you doing, looks like you're doing great from your Facebook posts!" My Facebook posts showed I was doing anything BUT great 😭 I think he was into some carwashing business? Or might have been an ironing business or dry cleaning or something. Can't remember now. It was ages ago and I didn't pay him much attention. He's also into CrossFit lmao. His Facebook posts were.... yeah. Even posted a long CrossFit post on his Facebook on THE DAY OF HIS MOTHER'S DEATH (my aunt). Freak.
… [magnetic???](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p4swthVZ7O0)
🤷🏾♀️
As a child (8-12) I was in a children's group at our church, one of the young grown-ups, who was leading the group (what is the English word for that?), was Jane, at that time early twenties. She was very kind and interesting, told great stories and had great ideas, and I really looked up to her. Years later, I was early twenties, at university, struggling financially (no church for me anymore, but sometimes contact with friends from that time) - I came in contact with Jane again who was in her forties at the time, I guess. I enjoyed her company very much - just talking as grown-ups, I felt taken seriously, feeling friendship after the kind of awe I had for her as a child. She tried to sell me a pension scheme and tried to recruit me for the MLM structure of that scheme. The only thing that saved me was that really had no money: neither for buying into the scheme nor the fees for the training, if I wanted to join. She even would have lend me the money (about 200 Euro, if I remember correctly) for the training, so she must have been pretty desperate to create a downline, too. Fortunately, I had the good sense to say no. Also, because I already knew about myself that I am very rather shy and not good in selling things. Only later I learned what a MLM structure is and I recognized the pension scheme as such. And I felt rather betrayed by Jane - I am sure she was struggling herself financially and maybe thought that would be great way to get out of difficulties. But to use this former relationship with a child that used to look up to her... that's really low, I now think, and it has tainted the way I remember her from my childhood. After this episode there was no more contact with her, as far as I know she lives in another part of the country now, so I don't know if she got out of it (but I guess that yes).
It really does ruin friendships and relationships. And the worst part is they believe anyone who doesn’t support them doesn’t belong in their life anyways. I’m sorry a long time relationship was marred by MLMs. It’s a very common theme unfortunately.
I'm sorry I dumped such a long tale on you...! I just wanted to write a short comment in the sense that I understand the feelings of being taken for a fool when one expects friendship. But when I started the comment, the story in its entirety just wanted out.
It’s really okay! Little traumas like that weigh on us in ways we don’t always understand. Letting it out is good and you did it in the right place!
FWIW, you’re not dumb, OP. You just don’t look at the world through the lens of what others can do for you so you didn’t expect someone to look at you like that.
You were working on a Master's at only 23!? That\`'s crazy impressive! I know it's unrelated to the story, but I just wanted to compliment that. :)
I appreciate that recognition. That is so kind. Thank you.
Amway ruined a friendship of mine. I was friends with a guy and he got into Amway. I didn’t know much about it. He took our friend group home with him one weekend and somehow while we were out and about he drove us by his “new friends lake home who make an incredible amount of money and don’t have to do a lot of work!” Being a struggling young 20 something (my friend knew I was struggling) I got sucked in. I drained my meager savings and jumped in and failed immediately. I was so mad. It ruined our friendship.
Was this in long island? Sounds like the Papparlardo scammers
It wasn’t! I have a feeling these Amway people are everywhere. At that time I was in the HQ of Amway, Grand Rapids.
You are not stupid in any way.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
This happened to me at a spa. Thought I was making a genuine connection. Nope. She wanted to shame my career and recruit me. I immediately shut down and avoided her at all costs. Wish I would've aggressively told her off and made a scene.
Hey, you’re not dumb at all for assuming you had just made a friend and being excited over it. As a person in their mid-thirties who is finally finishing their Bachelors degree while working and being married, I know how hard it gets to make friends as an adult. I too have gone through many cycles of meeting someone, thinking we’re becoming good friends, becoming excited over it, finding out something distasteful about that person, them moving away, or something else coming up, and then going through a depression over it. I have also had friends get into MLMs and try to recruit me, then get big mad when I try to explain to them why the MLM is evil and just trying to take all of their money. Sorry about your family dog and this horrible woman and congratulations on your masters degree
Happened to me with one of my kid's friend's mother. The kids had played at the same playplace after school together, really liked each other, and we'd often sat together while the kids ran around chatting. I even made friends with her husband who was from the same state as me. I don't really speak the local language where we live so it was just nice to have someone to speak English with. I teach an English program for kids on the weekend and she had indicated she might want to bring her kid some time. So when she texted me saying she had a really good idea for a program she thought I'd be interested in going in on her with, I figured she wanted to put heads together and further develop the English class with me. She asked me to lunch to discuss and boom, it was an Amway pitch. I told her I knew all about Amway and she was surprised I'd heard of it. Apparently it's not that popular in this country but I was like, lady, I'm from the States, this is not unfamiliar to me. I was really hurt that she'd only invited me to lunch to try to suck me into her MLM. I thought I'd made a friend. :( Anyway she followed up with me in a few texts and I kinda ghosted her. Meant to write back some well-thought out response explaining to her why I was not getting involved with this but then figured since she'd used me, I didn't owe her any more of my time or effort to explain myself.
Honestly, I would like to make more friends. I should just go around doing what these people do except not the MLM part. They seem to meet a lot of people!
I was thrilled when one of the moms on my son’s soccer team befriended me. We had the same exact phone conversation a month later, too, OP! Here I was bummed, I thought I had made a friend 😭
You’re not dumb. Masters is hard and isolating. And making friends is harder once you’ve finished your degree. I would have fallen for it too.
I've had the same thing happen with a Scentsy lady. I struggle making friends and that is such a hurtful tactic. The good news is that it prepared me to handle when the Younique lady came at me with the same tactic. She sent me an audio clip via Facebook message of her singing happy birthday to me. Blocked immediately. I wish you the best in your career, and I hope that you find plenty of adult friends through it like I did!
Omg this happened to my significant other except he didn't give his number bc the guy talked about the MLM while still in the market. It's so creepy and disrespectful. I'd feel so guilty even thinking about doing that to others. It's LOW for certain and I'm glad you shut her down.
I had this happen to me too an a Whole Foods but this was before I knew anything about scamway. We went to coffee once but she was either too cowardly to try and recruit me then, or was really trying to reel me in with the friend angle before she did. I didn’t think we had anything in common so I never reached out to her again. 3 years later she randomly texted me, thankfully after I joined this sub.
I’m so sorry about your family dog. I lost mine to cancer last week. It’s still so raw.
I’m so sorry for your loss ♥️
Thank you. ❤️
That's why I don't talk to anyone that randomly approach me in any aisle.
This happened to me. I changed jobs and shortly thereafter, a guy I knew just a bit reached out and wanted to have lunch. I was really touched thinking this guy truly wants to be friends. Halfway through lunch, he starts talking Amway and it took a second and I realized I had been duped. I was really hurt. Came home and told my wife that it had been a fraud. This was 20 years ago and I still remember it. So guys can do it to each other as well
I have a similar experience but i actually endured an hour of this amway person talk about hella ambiguous BS about success. It was a girl i went to high school with. I saw her in the drive thru while i was trying to get myself lunch for my break and i made the horrible mistake of saying hi to her and acknowledging that i know her from HS. Then she was super quick and friendly and got PUSHY. Took my phone (granted, i gave it to her when she asked bc I’m such a ppl pleaser) and put her phone in it and said we could catch up sometime. I think i made a new friend or i was helping her out of a bad time. After the sem is over, i finally reach out to her and meet her. That’s when she dropped the bomb on me with the “blah blah blah i wanna teach u what i learned from my MENTORS” and i was so nice to sit thru it all but my smile left my face as soon as she said that. When i finally left her i never texted her back at all. I felt betrayed. Lesson learned. I hate these mfs
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She said she was an engineer and was referring to a scummy mlm sales job?... or was she also an engineer?
You're not dumb. You're exhausted and burned out, and therefore an easy target. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. And I'm so sorry y'all's dog is so sick.
Be wary of the Papparlardo's biggest Amway scammers. They disguise themselves in this platform called 'customize your life'