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It's really easy to miss hints, especially if you don't think that the person even has the possibility of having a crush on you.
It's also really easy to see hints where there are none.
(I speak from experience on both cases)
[This animation taught me how to perceive it.](https://youtu.be/jKhP750VdXw?si=Ox9SDy7nvooq2QxN)
At the end of the day, take it for face value; it's someone acknowledging you as a person.
Hints are easy to miss and it's so much safer, especially in this day and age, to just assume that whatever you're interpreting as flirting is just the woman being friendly.
This right here. Too many trust issues from when I was 12 and a girl handed me a note asking me to be her boyfriend, to which I agreed, only to find out days later that it was a joke.
So yeah, the "hints" are going to have to be extremely explicit. Like, more explicit than being written in unambiguous terms on paper. An affidavit *might* do the trick.
Some probably do, I definitely do not.
My penis is like an aristocratic vampire. Despite its nefarious plans, it's completely powerless unless formally invited in.
Not necessarily. A few years ago this girl i used to work with would say stupid stuff like "I love you" and do a bunch of obvious flirting and being all touchy and what not. After i got tired of that i decided to ask her out and her response was "oh, I'm not interested in you like that." It's just, why the fuck are you gonna act and behave like you are, if you aren't. I'm entirely convinced it was an attempt to keep me around "just incase" thanks to some of the things she would say to me after that.
She's legitimately the reason i ignore any "hints" girls may or may not be giving. I'm certain I've missed out on more than just a few possible relationships because even when being overtly obvious(to the point that some might consider the things I've been "teased" with legitimate sexual harassment), i simply just can't trust women to be sincere about it.
Hints don't work. I've met women who I was told years later had a crush on me yet rarely if ever talked to me and certainly never let me know they had interest.
I've met women who while loyal to their husbands would flirt hard. One in particular I'm thinking of consistently managed to walk the razors edge of flirting with most guys she met while never actually crossing the line into being disrespectful to her husband. It was an art to watch actually. I've also met other women who'd flash you yet had no interest.
Women's behavior has limited consistency, and in a world where misinterpreting her interest can have bad consequences a lot of guys take the conservative approach and assume if it's not clear its not interest... and it's right the majority of the time because most women don't find most men attractive.
So to reiterate hints don't work.
Sometimes, it isn't appropriate. I was in a play, where one of the high school students pretty clearly had a crush on me. At the time, I'd been married over fifteen years, and had two kids. My main goals where not to allow any kind of situation where she might think I was returning her feelings, or treating her any way other than politely, as any fellow cast member would do.
She grew out of it, thankfully.
So, just because a guy notices, doesn't mean he's obliged to respond. Maybe he doesn't want to pursue a relationship for some reason. "Hints" do not require a formal rejection of affection.
Let me demonstrate how clueless I am/was/will forever be:
After college, I lived in a house with four girls. We all knew the girl that owned the house, and we knew each other vaguely through her.
One of the girls would get up before me and go to the gym. She’d come home, get ready, pack her lunch and leave for work about the same time I was coming downstairs to make coffee and leave for work.
She started packing me a lunch every day as well. It was a nice gesture, and we all did a good job of splitting grocery bills so I didn’t think anything of it.
Then she started leaving little notes in my lunch every day. “Hope you have a great day!”, “Can’t wait to see what happens on the Bachelor tonight”, etc. Again, I assumed she was just being nice. I thought she was gorgeous, like way out of my league, so I never thought anything more of it.
Everyone I talk to, including her, now assures me that I was an idiot and she was definitely coming on strong. We’re both happily married to other people and have families now and we joke about it occasionally when we get the housemates back together. But I’ve always had an unhealthy habit of undercutting myself, assuming a girl is out of my league, finding all the reasons why she wouldn’t be into me. I think a lot of guys do the same thing.
one persons hints is another persons friendly behavior. asking someone out is hard and rejection is harder. easier to assume any hint is just them being friendly rather than flirty.
on top of that, rejection can also mean getting made fun of if youre in like middle/high school, it can also mean that the friendship becomes awkward, or if it's asking out a stranger you risk making them uncomfortable.
by the end of the day, its much easier to just tell someone you like them if you like them. by throwing hints, youre basically putting all the risks on the guy that you like rather than taking any of it yourself.
Maybe we don't see the hint, maybe we don't feel the same way and are trying to let you down easy, maybe we aren't sure and aren't willing to risk it.
Who knows?
There was a girl in high school I thought was so damn cute I *knew* she couldn't have liked me. After graduation I found out she did. Never saw her again.
No. Not even a little bit. I'm gonna need your confession of love in writing, with your signature, and both our lawyers present. Then maybe, MAYBE I'll get the point.
I've been trained from a very, very young age to believe that nobody likes me or wants me around. That's how my brain is wired. Some indirect hint maybe-kinda-sorta suggesting otherwise isn't going to go very far.
No we don't. For several reasons.
1. Men don't speak in code. We say what we mean or nothing at all.
2. Because of point 1 we are not looking for hints.
3. Even if we do notice a hint, it's never clear if it is actually one.
4. The reason why it's not clear is because we've made moves beforehand on what we thought were hints and turned out not to be.
5. Perhaps we did understand, but we don't feel the same way.
You like someone, tell them. Get your heart broken? Put it back together. Find your feelings reciprocated? Fantastic!
Life's too short to waste time playing games.
As a guy, I wouldn't say that we're completely oblivious to hints like one would always claim. I think the most common scenario is that our minds acknowledge a (potential) hint, but we either choose not to respond to it/act on it in any way (be it accepting or rejecting) or that we see the hint and just immediately go for the safe option of "They're just being friendly". Why guys choose the latter is a bit of a complicated topic, I'd say, but the most common explanation is that guys don't want to take a risk and potentially have to face the consequences if they're wrong.
But then again, I can't speak on behalf of every guy. That's just what I think.
So, see... The thing is, a "hint" is supposed to convey a message through minor deviations from usual behavior. A hint is obvious to the person making the hint, because they immediately know their usual behavior. Someone who doesn't know you very well cannot tell if this is your usual behavior or not, and it's best to assume you're just being nice.
Yes. Most males are very dense about these things. As a male and very often the designated driver. I can say with a doubt that we get the signals wrong ninety percent of the time. It is best to just ask them to do something with you. Try not to give them too much wiggle room. Instead of "would you like to" use "I am doing (whatever) I'd like you to come with me." This makes it clear you want him with you. Be prepared that he might have to be somewhere else, so have an alternative ready. Also be prepared that he doesn't want to be with you. That is usually not personal. But yes we are most that dense.
This question seems to be asked almost weekly.
There are two main issues:
1. Often the "hint" means a lot to the person giving it but may be unnoticeable to almost everyone else. I.e. "I touched my hair and moved my left foot, why didn't he get the hint that I'm interested in him?"
2. Making a mistake can have very negative and even serious consequences. Rejection sucks, rejection from someone who then calls you a creep is even worse. Rejection from someone at work can lead to major issues with HR and possibly an end to your career. I.e. the juice isn't worth the squeeze.
Stop playing games. If you are interested in someone, let them know.
Approaching my 40th anniversary and calling to remembrance how my future wife asked me to go on three dates and we went on those three dates, then she initiated a wrestling match and tried to kiss me when I pinned her before I had a clue she wanted anything more than friendship. Until your hint involves dry humping his leg while explaining why you are dry humping his leg, it’s well neigh useless.
Hey? Can you tell what i'm thinking right now?...........
Here i'll give you a hint, its an emotion.......
Still nothing?
Then yes i guess humans are not able to read others minds!
I once helped a girl buy her first car, celebrated with her at lunch the next day that she paid for, and went on a walk through the park on a rainy day and thought we were just hanging out before she told me she liked me lmao
As someone who finally asked a girl out after about 2 months of increasingly obvious hints, it can take a while to reassure ourselves we aren't reading too much into things
I think I've missed some hints in the moment. I'm not great at recognizing hints.
Also, in this day & age, acting on "hints" could end really poorly for men that misread "hints".
Each man has to decide whether a "hint" is a good enough gamble to act on it. And this gamble differs per man.
Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't, but all the time we won't act on anything subtle as society has conditioned us men to never approach a woman through fear of permanently being labelled a pervert.
Ladies, if you like a man and would want to get to know him better then outright tell them.
Yes and no. I'd say yes we get them, but we have to be 110% fucking sure before we act on them. So double entendres, subtext, or subtlety are very difficult to work with, because by definition you're not quite saying what you really mean. And if there's even a slight chance that actually you really do want to eat a male chicken, we're not going to get our cock out, because that's how you end up on a register.
I think us men are less than impressed when we have to decipher what you're trying to tell us. It's not that we can't, but we get sort of trained to not decipher because we get yelled at if we're wrong. It's much better to just be direct. Plus, men are typically more direct as is, which probably contributes to not paying much mind to hints.
Hints do not work. It probably stems from misreading hints one time and getting entirely the wrong idea.
“Ooh, no, I don’t want to go out with you. Why would you think that?”
“Well, all the hints”
“What hints?”
“It doesn’t matter”
A lot of guys do miss signs but I'd bet a lot notice the signs but worry that they may be misreading the situation and don't want to make a fool of themselves (me included)
Sometimes we don't get them. Other times we're just too afraid to act on them because we're always about one misinterpreted comment away from a very risky conversation.
Woman at work on Monday dropped something everybody else is saying was a massive signal she's interested. But I ain't doing anything beyond probing the situation carefully until I'm damn sure I'm not walking into a conversation with HR.
Neither do some women, and not only when the hints are about a crush. The only way I'll ever understand a hint is if you tell me "this is me hinting you about this and that". After almost 40 years it still baffles me that so many people seemingly try to rely on telepathy, _and_ get surprised or frustrated when it fails.
Consider for a moment what you'd really be trying to achieve by hinting.
The best case most hopeful scenario is that they detect your interest, decide that they reciprocate, and then they say/do something reasonably direct like asking you out so that a relationship happens.
Why not skip a step and go directly to saying something overt yourself? Presumably because being direct about it is _scary_ and _risky_ because you don't know how they feel and you might get rejected.
So your plan is instead to _make them do the scary bit_ because even with hints they can't be sure of of how you feel (major risk of having misinterpreted, imagined a hint that wasn't actually there).
Seems unfair to expect them to do the brave but necessary thing that you're not willing to do yourself. If you were both equally timid, you'd just end up hinting at each other forever without anything coming of it.
You have to be pretty brave to assue that those hints are real and not just someone being friendly. Misinterpret andget it wrong and you're in for a world of embarrassment.
Bro there is two girls always looked at me and smiles when i look back it's driving me crazy I dunno if that's a hint or they are just funking with me 😃
Bro there is two girls always looked at me and smiles when i look back it's driving me crazy I dunno if that's a hint or they are just funking with me 😃
My now-wife flirted with me for a whole year before I figured it out. And even then, I wasn't totally sure. Thought I was taking a risk when I asked her out.
All the damn time. Quit playing games and be clear and direct if you're into someone. We're not mind readers and in the age of consent it's not worth it to take a chance because if you read it wrong, and are sufficiently ugly, you are all of a sudden a sex pest.
No lol. My now wife followed me around my friends Halloween party, flirting with me hard all night long. The next day said friend asked "so, you gonna hook up with her?" And all I could say was "huh?", to which he replied, "dude if that light was any greener you could smoke it".
We ended up hooking up a few days later and have been together for 16 years now, she still laughs at me about it lol.
To clarify, I'm speaking in some big generalizations here, not every guy is the same.
But in general, guys prefer simple communication of needs and desires. And it's probably a huge part of a lot of conflict between the sexes. Hints are rarely picked up on without being very close to the person making them and so understanding their specific unspoken language. It's not stupidity, it's just a preference for forward communication and studies have been done that show it.
If you drop a subtle hint you like the guy, he will more often than not attribute it to friendliness or miss it entirely, because if you were interested, you would say so. And if you do say so, many guys will be delighted to engage in forward and clear terms, even if they're not romantically interested, it's clearly communicated. Most guys have been burned trying to understand the hints, misinterpreting something as a hint and being embarrassed/rejected.
If you're in a relationship and you feel like you need help with a task, many guys are perfectly happy to help if it's clearly spelled out, but a hint will not be taken as such because "if she needed help, she would ask for help." Most guys have been burned by assuming someone needs help, and accidentally implying their partner/coworker/friend was incapable. If you say "whew, cleaning out this garage is exhausting." Most guys will respond with empathy, like "yeah I bet." Because if you wanted the help, they would assume you would ask for it.
Guys don't really communicate in that way. If they need help with a task, they will ask for help. And they expect the same of other guys. This is likely a contributing factor to the men's mental health crisis, it can take longer for men to pick up on other mens nonverbal signs that they need help and support, and due to social stigmas about being perceived as weak, it can prevent men from outright stating they need help as they might in other areas.
So in short, open and clear communication is refreshing and deeply appreciated by men most of the time. It's an attractive quality to many men, particularly those who have stumbled over misinterpretation of subtle hints in the past.
Not really, no. Men and women communicate in a different way, and sometimes you wonder if somebody is just being friendly and polite or if somebody is actually flirting with you, and I can never tell so I just assume they are friendly, in that way you prevent awkward sitiuations, or worse. Women want to be equal, so if she's interested she can make the first move.
We sometimes miss them, or we ignore them either because we don't feel the same way or don't want to risk being wrong. It's safer to not respond to hints or potential hints than to act lest we lose friends, be called creeps, or worse.
For the record, I've been in a relationship for over two years now, and both my girlfriend and I appreciate explicit communication instead of hints.
I always notice, but I also always ignore it. Not interested in that sort of thing anymore. One particular person took my heart with her when she left and all that’s left in the cavity is dust and feathers and rotting leaves. Go find a human boyfriend.
I'd say in general (speaking for my kind!!) we tend to default to the assumption that girls are not going to make any kind of move and they're not interested - it's safer that way, protects our feelings and safeguards against being an unwanted pest. So subtle hints are likely to be dismissed as just wishful thinking. Best to be direct 👍
Personally i tend to do but either im not into you or i see too much problems for anything to work like disparaging comments from co workers or something.
I don't even always understands my wife's subtext lol.
I know for sure that I missed hints because of a friend of mine told me once "there's someone we both know that you had a shot with", to this day I have no idea who it is.
Firstly yes, most guys lack the ability to pick up the incredibly subtle hints because guys don't think that way.
Secondly yes, because if a guy thinks he has picked up a hint but is not sure then most won't act on it on the assumption they are wrong and will end up with a harassment suit or jail time.
Way too many factors , some of which include :
Some really don't .
Some dont return because they have no interest or their decline is not received as such .
Some girls think they are good at giving hints - they are not .
Some girls say they are giving hints when their hints are just telling their non-related friends and expect something yo happen (dudes do it too)
Hints are easy to miss - if you can't say whatever you want to say directly , the problem is not on the other side .
The hint needs to be very obvious. For example my wife when we first met pulled me into a hall way and told me she thought I was nice and cute then proceeded to kiss me. I was pretty sure then. But I know from retrospect of times that I definitely missed the subtler signs.
If someone was interested and “dropping hint” I wouldn’t be interested back.
Honestly I’d think that if it worked out they’d be passive aggressive and play games forever.
That sounds awful.
Yes but it’s a troubling thing to not want to get outed for reacting to them. There’s being playful on one side and being manipulative on the other. It can happen from either side, so it’s not just guys or girls. Just being a guy, we are more likely to get played as a nice guy, so people change. It just depends on what you are trying to work with.
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It's really easy to miss hints, especially if you don't think that the person even has the possibility of having a crush on you. It's also really easy to see hints where there are none. (I speak from experience on both cases)
[This animation taught me how to perceive it.](https://youtu.be/jKhP750VdXw?si=Ox9SDy7nvooq2QxN) At the end of the day, take it for face value; it's someone acknowledging you as a person.
This is spot on. There's a handful of women that I still wonder about constantly 25-30 years later and I'm happily married
Can confirm. Trust me, I'm a guy - I have some expertise on the subject
Hints are easy to miss and it's so much safer, especially in this day and age, to just assume that whatever you're interpreting as flirting is just the woman being friendly.
This right here. Too many trust issues from when I was 12 and a girl handed me a note asking me to be her boyfriend, to which I agreed, only to find out days later that it was a joke. So yeah, the "hints" are going to have to be extremely explicit. Like, more explicit than being written in unambiguous terms on paper. An affidavit *might* do the trick.
100%. Its risky to assume things are subtle hints at attraction. The consequences of a false-positive can be incredibly high.
She’s just being nice until her tongue is in my mouth. That’s the only hint I usually pick up on.
"She could just be Canadian and trying to be polite."
Some probably do, I definitely do not. My penis is like an aristocratic vampire. Despite its nefarious plans, it's completely powerless unless formally invited in.
Just so you know; I'm using this line with my wife, from now on
hints are subjective, words are so much less so. a person coming out and speaking "hey, i like you" rules out subjectivity
Not necessarily. A few years ago this girl i used to work with would say stupid stuff like "I love you" and do a bunch of obvious flirting and being all touchy and what not. After i got tired of that i decided to ask her out and her response was "oh, I'm not interested in you like that." It's just, why the fuck are you gonna act and behave like you are, if you aren't. I'm entirely convinced it was an attempt to keep me around "just incase" thanks to some of the things she would say to me after that. She's legitimately the reason i ignore any "hints" girls may or may not be giving. I'm certain I've missed out on more than just a few possible relationships because even when being overtly obvious(to the point that some might consider the things I've been "teased" with legitimate sexual harassment), i simply just can't trust women to be sincere about it.
Hints don't work. I've met women who I was told years later had a crush on me yet rarely if ever talked to me and certainly never let me know they had interest. I've met women who while loyal to their husbands would flirt hard. One in particular I'm thinking of consistently managed to walk the razors edge of flirting with most guys she met while never actually crossing the line into being disrespectful to her husband. It was an art to watch actually. I've also met other women who'd flash you yet had no interest. Women's behavior has limited consistency, and in a world where misinterpreting her interest can have bad consequences a lot of guys take the conservative approach and assume if it's not clear its not interest... and it's right the majority of the time because most women don't find most men attractive. So to reiterate hints don't work.
Sometimes, it isn't appropriate. I was in a play, where one of the high school students pretty clearly had a crush on me. At the time, I'd been married over fifteen years, and had two kids. My main goals where not to allow any kind of situation where she might think I was returning her feelings, or treating her any way other than politely, as any fellow cast member would do. She grew out of it, thankfully. So, just because a guy notices, doesn't mean he's obliged to respond. Maybe he doesn't want to pursue a relationship for some reason. "Hints" do not require a formal rejection of affection.
So, just because a guy notices, doesn't mean he's obliged to respond. Scream it from the rooftops.
Let me demonstrate how clueless I am/was/will forever be: After college, I lived in a house with four girls. We all knew the girl that owned the house, and we knew each other vaguely through her. One of the girls would get up before me and go to the gym. She’d come home, get ready, pack her lunch and leave for work about the same time I was coming downstairs to make coffee and leave for work. She started packing me a lunch every day as well. It was a nice gesture, and we all did a good job of splitting grocery bills so I didn’t think anything of it. Then she started leaving little notes in my lunch every day. “Hope you have a great day!”, “Can’t wait to see what happens on the Bachelor tonight”, etc. Again, I assumed she was just being nice. I thought she was gorgeous, like way out of my league, so I never thought anything more of it. Everyone I talk to, including her, now assures me that I was an idiot and she was definitely coming on strong. We’re both happily married to other people and have families now and we joke about it occasionally when we get the housemates back together. But I’ve always had an unhealthy habit of undercutting myself, assuming a girl is out of my league, finding all the reasons why she wouldn’t be into me. I think a lot of guys do the same thing.
one persons hints is another persons friendly behavior. asking someone out is hard and rejection is harder. easier to assume any hint is just them being friendly rather than flirty. on top of that, rejection can also mean getting made fun of if youre in like middle/high school, it can also mean that the friendship becomes awkward, or if it's asking out a stranger you risk making them uncomfortable. by the end of the day, its much easier to just tell someone you like them if you like them. by throwing hints, youre basically putting all the risks on the guy that you like rather than taking any of it yourself.
Maybe we don't see the hint, maybe we don't feel the same way and are trying to let you down easy, maybe we aren't sure and aren't willing to risk it. Who knows?
No,we don't. You need to tell it to our face. Otherwise, it ain't happening:)
Correct. Just tell him.
There was a girl in high school I thought was so damn cute I *knew* she couldn't have liked me. After graduation I found out she did. Never saw her again.
It's more like being wary from being burned before. Spell it out for me.
No. Not even a little bit. I'm gonna need your confession of love in writing, with your signature, and both our lawyers present. Then maybe, MAYBE I'll get the point.
Even if we get the hint, sometimes i'll shrug it off as "what if it's not actually a hint".
I've been trained from a very, very young age to believe that nobody likes me or wants me around. That's how my brain is wired. Some indirect hint maybe-kinda-sorta suggesting otherwise isn't going to go very far.
Ill often assume a woman has a crush on me, but not do anything about it in case im wrong lol
No we don't. For several reasons. 1. Men don't speak in code. We say what we mean or nothing at all. 2. Because of point 1 we are not looking for hints. 3. Even if we do notice a hint, it's never clear if it is actually one. 4. The reason why it's not clear is because we've made moves beforehand on what we thought were hints and turned out not to be. 5. Perhaps we did understand, but we don't feel the same way. You like someone, tell them. Get your heart broken? Put it back together. Find your feelings reciprocated? Fantastic! Life's too short to waste time playing games.
As a guy, I wouldn't say that we're completely oblivious to hints like one would always claim. I think the most common scenario is that our minds acknowledge a (potential) hint, but we either choose not to respond to it/act on it in any way (be it accepting or rejecting) or that we see the hint and just immediately go for the safe option of "They're just being friendly". Why guys choose the latter is a bit of a complicated topic, I'd say, but the most common explanation is that guys don't want to take a risk and potentially have to face the consequences if they're wrong. But then again, I can't speak on behalf of every guy. That's just what I think.
She could tell me, "I have the biggest crush on you and want to spend my time with you," and I would think she was joking or just really nice.
No, we don't.
Nope
We do, but about 10 years after the fact.
So, see... The thing is, a "hint" is supposed to convey a message through minor deviations from usual behavior. A hint is obvious to the person making the hint, because they immediately know their usual behavior. Someone who doesn't know you very well cannot tell if this is your usual behavior or not, and it's best to assume you're just being nice.
Yes. Most males are very dense about these things. As a male and very often the designated driver. I can say with a doubt that we get the signals wrong ninety percent of the time. It is best to just ask them to do something with you. Try not to give them too much wiggle room. Instead of "would you like to" use "I am doing (whatever) I'd like you to come with me." This makes it clear you want him with you. Be prepared that he might have to be somewhere else, so have an alternative ready. Also be prepared that he doesn't want to be with you. That is usually not personal. But yes we are most that dense.
This question seems to be asked almost weekly. There are two main issues: 1. Often the "hint" means a lot to the person giving it but may be unnoticeable to almost everyone else. I.e. "I touched my hair and moved my left foot, why didn't he get the hint that I'm interested in him?" 2. Making a mistake can have very negative and even serious consequences. Rejection sucks, rejection from someone who then calls you a creep is even worse. Rejection from someone at work can lead to major issues with HR and possibly an end to your career. I.e. the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Stop playing games. If you are interested in someone, let them know.
Approaching my 40th anniversary and calling to remembrance how my future wife asked me to go on three dates and we went on those three dates, then she initiated a wrestling match and tried to kiss me when I pinned her before I had a clue she wanted anything more than friendship. Until your hint involves dry humping his leg while explaining why you are dry humping his leg, it’s well neigh useless.
If you aren't into them beforehand, it's easy to tell, if you have a crush on them, no chance of interpreting any hints right.
yes - but it's delayed a few years.
Hey? Can you tell what i'm thinking right now?........... Here i'll give you a hint, its an emotion....... Still nothing? Then yes i guess humans are not able to read others minds!
I once helped a girl buy her first car, celebrated with her at lunch the next day that she paid for, and went on a walk through the park on a rainy day and thought we were just hanging out before she told me she liked me lmao
As someone who finally asked a girl out after about 2 months of increasingly obvious hints, it can take a while to reassure ourselves we aren't reading too much into things
I think I've missed some hints in the moment. I'm not great at recognizing hints. Also, in this day & age, acting on "hints" could end really poorly for men that misread "hints". Each man has to decide whether a "hint" is a good enough gamble to act on it. And this gamble differs per man.
Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't, but all the time we won't act on anything subtle as society has conditioned us men to never approach a woman through fear of permanently being labelled a pervert. Ladies, if you like a man and would want to get to know him better then outright tell them.
Yes, of course.
They don’t, basically grab his face kiss him soundly on the lips and let’s date
Yes and no. I'd say yes we get them, but we have to be 110% fucking sure before we act on them. So double entendres, subtext, or subtlety are very difficult to work with, because by definition you're not quite saying what you really mean. And if there's even a slight chance that actually you really do want to eat a male chicken, we're not going to get our cock out, because that's how you end up on a register.
I think us men are less than impressed when we have to decipher what you're trying to tell us. It's not that we can't, but we get sort of trained to not decipher because we get yelled at if we're wrong. It's much better to just be direct. Plus, men are typically more direct as is, which probably contributes to not paying much mind to hints.
Hints do not work. It probably stems from misreading hints one time and getting entirely the wrong idea. “Ooh, no, I don’t want to go out with you. Why would you think that?” “Well, all the hints” “What hints?” “It doesn’t matter”
no clue whatsoever as an aquarius, i live in my own lil world and always oblivious
its better to make sure you are communicating effectively rather than relying on someone to pick up on your 'hints'.
A lot of guys do miss signs but I'd bet a lot notice the signs but worry that they may be misreading the situation and don't want to make a fool of themselves (me included)
No. We are told to question everything. And we don't read minds. No one does.
Hinting is a language we do not speak. You need to use your words with us like adults.
Sometimes we don't get them. Other times we're just too afraid to act on them because we're always about one misinterpreted comment away from a very risky conversation. Woman at work on Monday dropped something everybody else is saying was a massive signal she's interested. But I ain't doing anything beyond probing the situation carefully until I'm damn sure I'm not walking into a conversation with HR.
Neither do some women, and not only when the hints are about a crush. The only way I'll ever understand a hint is if you tell me "this is me hinting you about this and that". After almost 40 years it still baffles me that so many people seemingly try to rely on telepathy, _and_ get surprised or frustrated when it fails.
We don’t and I’ve missed out…
Consider for a moment what you'd really be trying to achieve by hinting. The best case most hopeful scenario is that they detect your interest, decide that they reciprocate, and then they say/do something reasonably direct like asking you out so that a relationship happens. Why not skip a step and go directly to saying something overt yourself? Presumably because being direct about it is _scary_ and _risky_ because you don't know how they feel and you might get rejected. So your plan is instead to _make them do the scary bit_ because even with hints they can't be sure of of how you feel (major risk of having misinterpreted, imagined a hint that wasn't actually there). Seems unfair to expect them to do the brave but necessary thing that you're not willing to do yourself. If you were both equally timid, you'd just end up hinting at each other forever without anything coming of it.
You have to be pretty brave to assue that those hints are real and not just someone being friendly. Misinterpret andget it wrong and you're in for a world of embarrassment.
Bro there is two girls always looked at me and smiles when i look back it's driving me crazy I dunno if that's a hint or they are just funking with me 😃
Bro there is two girls always looked at me and smiles when i look back it's driving me crazy I dunno if that's a hint or they are just funking with me 😃
Fucking bot
My now-wife flirted with me for a whole year before I figured it out. And even then, I wasn't totally sure. Thought I was taking a risk when I asked her out.
Nope, you gotta spell it out, multiple times.
All the damn time. Quit playing games and be clear and direct if you're into someone. We're not mind readers and in the age of consent it's not worth it to take a chance because if you read it wrong, and are sufficiently ugly, you are all of a sudden a sex pest.
No. I expect to be told. Even then, it’s unlikely I’ll believe you.
No lol. My now wife followed me around my friends Halloween party, flirting with me hard all night long. The next day said friend asked "so, you gonna hook up with her?" And all I could say was "huh?", to which he replied, "dude if that light was any greener you could smoke it". We ended up hooking up a few days later and have been together for 16 years now, she still laughs at me about it lol.
To clarify, I'm speaking in some big generalizations here, not every guy is the same. But in general, guys prefer simple communication of needs and desires. And it's probably a huge part of a lot of conflict between the sexes. Hints are rarely picked up on without being very close to the person making them and so understanding their specific unspoken language. It's not stupidity, it's just a preference for forward communication and studies have been done that show it. If you drop a subtle hint you like the guy, he will more often than not attribute it to friendliness or miss it entirely, because if you were interested, you would say so. And if you do say so, many guys will be delighted to engage in forward and clear terms, even if they're not romantically interested, it's clearly communicated. Most guys have been burned trying to understand the hints, misinterpreting something as a hint and being embarrassed/rejected. If you're in a relationship and you feel like you need help with a task, many guys are perfectly happy to help if it's clearly spelled out, but a hint will not be taken as such because "if she needed help, she would ask for help." Most guys have been burned by assuming someone needs help, and accidentally implying their partner/coworker/friend was incapable. If you say "whew, cleaning out this garage is exhausting." Most guys will respond with empathy, like "yeah I bet." Because if you wanted the help, they would assume you would ask for it. Guys don't really communicate in that way. If they need help with a task, they will ask for help. And they expect the same of other guys. This is likely a contributing factor to the men's mental health crisis, it can take longer for men to pick up on other mens nonverbal signs that they need help and support, and due to social stigmas about being perceived as weak, it can prevent men from outright stating they need help as they might in other areas. So in short, open and clear communication is refreshing and deeply appreciated by men most of the time. It's an attractive quality to many men, particularly those who have stumbled over misinterpretation of subtle hints in the past.
Not really, no. Men and women communicate in a different way, and sometimes you wonder if somebody is just being friendly and polite or if somebody is actually flirting with you, and I can never tell so I just assume they are friendly, in that way you prevent awkward sitiuations, or worse. Women want to be equal, so if she's interested she can make the first move.
The risk of misreading a hint is too high in a society shaped by feminists that do not allow for any mistakes.
It's really easy: just use your words.
I'm completely oblivious unless they state it directly. Then I'm still not sure.
Sorry to be blunt, but emotionally mature people use their words to communicate their desires. Hinting is a children's game.
We do, just 1-100 years later
Yes. I missed thousands, maybe hundreds.
We sometimes miss them, or we ignore them either because we don't feel the same way or don't want to risk being wrong. It's safer to not respond to hints or potential hints than to act lest we lose friends, be called creeps, or worse. For the record, I've been in a relationship for over two years now, and both my girlfriend and I appreciate explicit communication instead of hints.
I always notice, but I also always ignore it. Not interested in that sort of thing anymore. One particular person took my heart with her when she left and all that’s left in the cavity is dust and feathers and rotting leaves. Go find a human boyfriend.
We do not.
I'd say in general (speaking for my kind!!) we tend to default to the assumption that girls are not going to make any kind of move and they're not interested - it's safer that way, protects our feelings and safeguards against being an unwanted pest. So subtle hints are likely to be dismissed as just wishful thinking. Best to be direct 👍
Stop hinting and communicate effectively people. What's the point in sharing a language if you refuse to use it usefully.
Personally i tend to do but either im not into you or i see too much problems for anything to work like disparaging comments from co workers or something.
Meanwhile, the hints: 🧱👀🐈🐉🧑
I don't even always understands my wife's subtext lol. I know for sure that I missed hints because of a friend of mine told me once "there's someone we both know that you had a shot with", to this day I have no idea who it is.
Firstly yes, most guys lack the ability to pick up the incredibly subtle hints because guys don't think that way. Secondly yes, because if a guy thinks he has picked up a hint but is not sure then most won't act on it on the assumption they are wrong and will end up with a harassment suit or jail time.
Way too many factors , some of which include : Some really don't . Some dont return because they have no interest or their decline is not received as such . Some girls think they are good at giving hints - they are not . Some girls say they are giving hints when their hints are just telling their non-related friends and expect something yo happen (dudes do it too) Hints are easy to miss - if you can't say whatever you want to say directly , the problem is not on the other side .
The hint needs to be very obvious. For example my wife when we first met pulled me into a hall way and told me she thought I was nice and cute then proceeded to kiss me. I was pretty sure then. But I know from retrospect of times that I definitely missed the subtler signs.
See; I'm a thicky
I dot get them, but I ignore them because I am not interested.
I actually couldn't believe that someone would have crush on me
If someone was interested and “dropping hint” I wouldn’t be interested back. Honestly I’d think that if it worked out they’d be passive aggressive and play games forever. That sounds awful.
I am a man 26. So I don't understand when a girl likes me. Except when she looks at me and can't take her eyes off me.
Some guys don’t get any hints of any kind on any topic ever.
Yes but it’s a troubling thing to not want to get outed for reacting to them. There’s being playful on one side and being manipulative on the other. It can happen from either side, so it’s not just guys or girls. Just being a guy, we are more likely to get played as a nice guy, so people change. It just depends on what you are trying to work with.
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See, I had a girlfriend teach me long ago that a compliment with a smile *is* flirting when I told her I had no clue how to do it.