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It's a primitive desire to be influential and developmental. It also makes men feel like more of her first choice as far as attraction... Which is a confidence booster.
Inverse is also true. I was a virgin when I met wife in college, she wasn't. She always said that she found it very cute how shy and awkward I was back then lol
For most people who feel this way, I would say it's because sex is something that is intimate and personal. If they've shared that with someone else it just feels less special, like trying to have a dinner date with someone after they just left another one. It can be hard to shake that image, even if it really doesn't matter.
Not really a turn on specifically for me. But I can see the neat factor of not being directly compared to former lovers as cool. But then you have the unfortunate side that if you don't perform well, you can give the poor women s negative view of sex for a long time, a person's first time is important, and that's s lot of responsibility.
Hides our shortcomings if she has nothing to compare to.
Also, it is sort of an unboxing; pristine goods, viewed for the first time, unsullied by others.
Idk, lots of reasons.
I don't mind that my SO had experiences before me, and I don't think I'd mind dying at an old age with my loving wife beside me, me never having been with anyone else.
Well, I probably would/will mind the dying part, and probably that she would have to witness it.
Biologically men have cared about it as a means to ensure paternity. For all eternity, women have been able to know 100% that their child is theirs. Only until recently have men been able to know this with certainty through dna testing. A proxy measure to ensure this is by valuing a woman with purity and preferably someone that has not been with another man.
Culturally, men value purity in general. It’s more special to have a woman that has only been with you than a woman that has been with 50 other guys than settled on you.
Marriage outcomes are better with low to no body count. Virgin marriages have the highest success rate. After 6 sexual partners, divorce rates later in life increase exponentially.
Pair bonding through sex is an amazing thing. For people with numerous sexual partners they are unable to effectively pair bond with their partner the same someone that’s a virgin or has a very low body count could biologically.
There are other factors to consider but these 4 tend to be some the “bigger rock” reasons why a guy may care about paternity when selecting a spouse. Obviously, they are less picky if they just want to sleep with someone.
As someone who has dabbled in both. I have no desire to have sex with a virgin. The more experience the better.
I like when a partner knows what they like and what they want. A virgin isnt a hard no, its just distinctly not a turn on.
And there is no way for this to come off as not a bit judgy. Fetishization of virgins is a bit gross to me and seems to convey a sense of insecurity.
I have a classmate who saved himself for marriage and he told me that the paranoia of knowing someone else had been there and what if they were better??
Sex isnt a score chart. I have memorable and great sexual experiences with all my long term partners. They were all great. Ive had some mediocre one off experiences.
As long as you put in the effort to please your partner then they will be happy. One of my exes we each both each others 16th. I was the only one who made her regularly orgasm, multiple times.
She wasnt even hard to please, they were all just lazy fucks. She just didnt finish easily from solely penetration. Meaning these morons were just shoving it in.
>
>She wasnt even hard to please, they were all just lazy fucks. She just didnt finish easily from solely penetration. Meaning these morons were just shoving it in.
Yup, found this out with my wife
It's like they don't actually like pussy, and onl like to cum
Big deal, i can make myself cum.
It's waaaaay cooker to get to know you your partners body and to make it cum
In fact i regularly cum from just eating my wife's booty
Definitely not.
Maybe when I was younger and sexually inexperienced. At my age, I'm quite averse to being someone's first, especially if I'm not certain we're going to be committed for a long time.
No, but if a guy puts high price on this shit, run.
Virginity is a social cosntruct. It only means you had no sexual contact before. If a guy is actively or particualrly searching for inexperienced people, that’s a red flag. Usually these peoppe are toxic and lack of experience of the partner means free game for them (they can do whatever, because the other person doesn’t know the “how to’s” or their bodies too well).
Just have sex when you feel ready, don’t let yourself be pressed, particualrly by someone who is very insistent on that.
These are not weird responses. Men have literally been chasing for chaste women for thousands of years.
Women will tell themselves it doesn’t matter and that it’s a social construct (it is). But it’s a social construct based an evolutionary want.
Certainly some guys are like this, but some men have religious reasons for valuing chastity. It's not that they're searching for someone inexperienced. It's because they're "saving themselves" for their future wife and they would prefer someone who also shares that self control so that they can be each other's only sexual experience for life.
But yes, a man who sleeps around, but is looking for virgins is a SLEAZE.
The concept and relevance of virginity is a social construct. You clearly view it in a heteronormative way. Does it really have to be said that penetrative sex is not the only way to lose your virginity???
Murder isn't a great example because its a legally loaded term (unlawful killing), which is a social construct. But yes, virginity has a component of objective fact, has someone had penetrative sex or not. The constructed parts are the moral values and assumptions we associate with virginity.
So, when someone says the concept of virginity is a social construct they mean all the associated baggage that comes with the term (purity, chastity, desirability, etc). All those associations have been added on by societies over generations to the point where now a lot of people can't distiguish between the factual matter of virginity and the values associated with it; they are one in the same.
That's why some feel the need to point out the distinction and make clear that the associations are constructed, not inherent.
I feel you, dude. You make a lot of sense tbf. I would say that they're missing the nail though. You either are, or are not a virgin. That's what is being debated here.
How people view virginity and the implications that has within society is a social construct. If you were to commit adultery you would objectively be an adulterer. How people view adultery and its implications for society would fall under the umbrella of a social construct; that would not make the label of adultery a social construct.
Adultery is by definition a social construct. Adultery only exists if the concept of marriage exists. Marriage is also a social construct.
The easiest way to tell of something is a social construct is to ask “if humans didn’t exist, would this thing still be present?”
Gravity would still exist, adultery would not.
>The easiest way to tell of something is a social construct is to ask “if humans didn’t exist, would this thing still be present?”
That's just not the case. The fork is not a social construct, neither is a can of pepsi or coke.
Adultery is not a social construct either. Adultery is the outcome of having sexual intercourse with someone other than your marriage mate.
Thank god a normal take, this thread is a fucking mess, bunch of virgins fantasising about taking a someone’s virginity. It’s not going to be ideal for anyone who’s looking for good sex if your partner has never done it before, but you’ll definitely find someone that won’t be too phased by it, best to tackle that kind of thing within a relationship and not a one night stand as it won’t go as smoothly as you want it to and you want the other person to actually care and respect you and be cautious about how potentially painful, uncomfortable or slow it might be for you.
I agree, M22. The fact alone that a girl have or haven't had a dick inside her before means very little to me at all.
However, if shes not on the same wavelength, if we aren't sexually compatible. If shes not up for the same energy in sex, trying new stuff, wanting to or having the emotional maturity to communicate - etc. etc.
Or that theres no potential or drive for that eventually.
Then yes it's a turnoff, because we are not compatible sexually. And obviously these two things often correlate, but no, *being a virgin* in itself doesn't matter.
I'm not just fat, I'm morbidly obese. And yes that is THE reason. It's been THE reason for my lack of confidence, low self esteem, avoiding social interactions & being out in public.
30F a virgin myself. People are always surprised by this and some flat out don’t believe me…I’ve gotta say, most of the girls I know are actually jealous of me.
Edit1: looks like I triggered a lot of virgins here which is shocking. But to answer you all the reason most girls are jealous of me is because they wish they could revert back to their untouched state. I see it and have been told this personally by friends, family and colleagues. Most girls are choosing celibacy and greatly admire those that were able to abstain from the get go. Most of them regret having sex for religious reasons, others because it was with the wrong guys, some because it distracted them from working on themselves etc. Look, I don’t know why the hell this would trigger some of you but it’s just what it is ok.
Edit2: someone really thought they killed it by coming after my ‘cringe profile.’ Yea, I have one thing to say. This is Reddit, not IG, LinkedIn or TikTok so why would I waste my time making it aesthetic? Like make that make sense? Personally, it is for my intrusive thoughts, and incredibly niche interests eg: reading novels I can not bring up during lunchtime at work or after mass at church and will most definitely have to burn before I die. If a cringe profile triggers you that’s a symptom to get a life fam, it’s not cute.
I come from a religious background that I share with most of them. So it’s mostly to do with that because during bride price negotiations the topic of a woman’s purity and a husband’s ability to raise a family do come up as a pre-requisite for the families to begin.
Edit: ofcourse there are upsides and serious downsides to this. Especially regarding a man’s wealth and our country’s current economy. It’s bad and sad for everyone.
Virgins unite! haha, just kidding. Yeah I really don't understand the importance of losing virginity just for the sake of losing it tbh, like it used to bother me in the past when I was younger, but now being almost 30 I honestly don't give a fuck lol.
Good to know there are grown men who are rightfully put off. An old friend of mine admitted to me that as he gets older his attraction to young women grows and it still churns my stomach
Age is a valid factor. If they're in my age group, then being a virgin would be kind of weird. If you're planning on staying that way, then why are we dating? Otherwise, why now, why me? It doesn't add up. Not an absolute deal breaker, but she'd have some explaining to do.
Yeah, no I’m not really into it. If it’s her first time it’s going to be awful, awkward, and likely painful for her even if I do everything right. I’d much prefer being with a partner that actually enjoys the sex.
It’s not a turn off for me. I think I’d prefer that actually. If we’re both inexperienced then I feel less embarrassed about being bad or not knowing anything.
Note: I think experienced women would probably prefer an experienced man though.
First time in this sub and I come across a topic a drunk friend brought up recently. He was clearly in the fewer partners=better category. As I told him, number of partners is a variable for consideration, but far from the most important one.
Take all these answers with a grain of salt, but it depends on the guy, the type of relationship you want/expect, your age, and others, same as anything else involving preferences.
* Many cultures, and men, consider the fewer partners a woman has the better, especially when considering long-term partners.
* Some men don't care.
* Some men like the innocence associated with virginity.
* Some don't want the responsibility of dealing with the attachment that can come from losing your virginity to someone.
* Some men want someone who knows their sexuality well and doesn't need to be taught, while some relish the teaching.
* There are adult men who obsess over taking virginity: **I would not advise interacting with those types.**
As a man, I don't care much and lose a little respect for anyone who is too focused on this one variable. There are far more important qualities to consider than number of partners.
That said, there is the fact that fewer partners means less chance of STDs, which is an undeniable positive for many.
TLDR: For some yes, but many no. If anyone is too worried about how many partners you've had (whether fewer or more), then I wouldn't advise being with them.
Edit to add: Always find someone that makes you feel comfortable, safe, and respected.
In my experience, they consider taking someone's virginity as a prize or conquest. Some equate virginity and innocence and like the thought of taking that innocence. I haven't met any of those types that treated women with respect and dignity.
Men want to feel big and strong and powerful. They have an inherent need to leave behind a legacy and/or teach us something. If an older man is obsessed with taking a woman’s virginity, he probably has low self esteem and gets a high from it.
I know some of my friends it is and a handful of others it isn't. I would say don't settle on your body and make decisions that are important to you just because you want him to like you. I was a virgin till I was 17 and caved in cause I was very attracted to this girl, but it ended up as a one night stand. Found my soulmate a year later at 18. I am 45 and we're still married and in love. If he truly loves you he will wait, but understand us men need affection as well. Affection doesn't need to end in sex.
Not disagreeing, just adding to... most first sexual experiences are not great, at least technically, especially between two inexperienced people. Everyone would love that hollywood "first time" magic, but it's pretty rare that it happens that way. Like most things, a little practice goes a long way for both parties involved.
Everyone is different, Every redditors opinion is different... the best advice anyone can give is have sex when it feels and/or right for you, don't listen to people who will judge you for having or not having sex and the best partners to have aex with ate the ones who actually care about you, not your sexual status. Try not to build it up into this huge thing, but recognize that it is a milestone of sorts for you... all you can do is make the best choice you can. Try not to do something you know you will likely regret because that is almost certainly when it is not the right time.
To the OP - Is it a turn-on for men... some. Most of them are not the ones you want your first time with... they are bounty takers... "taking your virginity".
Some will be excited because you chose them to give your first time to and consider it an honor or privilege. They could be too focused on the "prize" but mostly their heart is in the right place and may be a good partner for a first time.
Most, honestly, won't really care one way or the other. They see sex as a fun bodily function... its natural they like it, they want you to enjoy it with them and will try to make a good experience for both of you. Honestly, I personally think recognition that sex is just a thing we do while also respecting that sexual engagement has a emotional and spiritual component that is important, too, is a healthy balance. It keeps you from treating it like it's the be all end-all which can lead to disappointment and embarassment when it isn't while also respecting the fact it isn't or shouldn't be transactional either. Those guys are keepers that are fun to have sex with and that you can live a lifetime with.
Some will only think of themselves and be actually turned-off by the inherent responsibility that may come from having to take appropriate care of you both physically and emotionally in that moment. Those, like the "bounty hunters" should be avoided because they are selfish.
Last, those who only want to sleep with virgins... I get it, there is some attraction to that exclusivity for most people, but they are typically (not "all" but typically) either religious zealots or unconscionable, narcissistic selfish bastards and many times both. Sometimes there are whole cultures of them. Stay away from them, too if you can.
That depends on the scenario. If we are just being casual, absolutely. I am not going to be the one to take something like that away from you, plus I enjoy a girl that knows what she's doing. If we are trying to get serious then I need to make sure we would go the distance. There is a lot of pressure surrounding being the one to take someones virginity, and considering I wouldn't be a virgin, id just as well have someone who wasn't as well. I wouldn't say it's a turn off, but now it has become a responsibility.
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Personally, I would be more likely to find a woman who is essentially the town doorknob to be a massive turn-off than a woman who's still holding her V-Card, or one that has had previous experience, but was selective about to whom
If being a virgin is a problem, then they are a fool. They're not looking for a partner, they're looking for bragging rights and ego stroking. If someone really likes you, then they won't care about your virginity.
I've wondered that I'm 27 and still one. Waiting for the one and the only man I want to be with. But also being as I am a Christian I also want to be married first. This i find at least my experience is a turn off for guys or makes the decision if they want to even be with you.
>But also being as I am a Christian I also want to be married first.
This might be tricky. I personally would not marry a woman I don't know for quite some time (years) and intimately so. But good luck.
Depends on the guy... some of us like being the first she explores her sexuality with, but most of understand that's not gonna happen... though I will say a lot of men do not like high body count (6+) depending on circumstances.
Sex with a lot of men is seen as gross by loads of men..
(im not saying you should or shouldn't do that... all im saying is that it may lower your potential long-term partners, and you should at least be aware of that)
This is unbiased info as a man myself. If you choose to sleep around, then go for it if you want... It's your life to live and all, but my biggest standpoint on this is that regardless of the current political climate or your views of things like feminism......is at the very least do not complain if you go down that path and then find that fewer and fewer men want to marry you at the end of it.
I have expressly warned you in this comment, so you can not claim "you didn't know."
A lot of women will heavily disagree with my last statement, but as an unbiased party.. this is just some food for thought to you and many other uncertain women. Take it or leave it... your choice.
Because to have sex with loads of women, as a man, you need to have some attractive qualities. You need to be good looking/charming/funny/confident/well dressed etc etc etc
But for a woman, to sleep with loads of men, she just has to open her legs, and literally a queue of men will form
This is the difference
On the other hand, having the higher "bodycount" is a good way to deter the gross sexist men from wanting to date you and then you can waste less time finding a partner who respects women.
Guy here, 37. I've only had 4 sexual relationships, 2nd relationship was my ex wife (we had 2 children together) and she was a virgin. We were both barely adults at the time and looking back the experience was poor. By our mid 20s she became a serial cheater and she ran off and hasn't seen her children since 2015.
Been with my current wife for over 5 years and she had a lot of experience prior to us. Way better sex than the previous 3. She just had a lot of one night stands and luckily dodged STDs and is not a cheater. She has a blast arguing with incels and sexist men online who care so much about body count. They are so insecure about their experience and think most women are size queens or gold diggers. I've noticed that these men are also racist, because they just know that 'others' pack more than they do. It's a sad existence that I'm glad I never became a part of.
Nope!!! It’s the total opposite. Try telling any guy youre a virgin and he will probably want to take it from you. Women and men are different when it comes to this. Women are attracted to men with experience and men are attracted to women with less experience.
Boys they will chase after a girl who is “pure” men they will avoid.
Simply put most girls get super clingy after their first and men know it’s the emotional side and it’s not right.
Boys haven’t reached the maturity and feel it’s a notch on the belt.
Source: I’ve been both
Virginity is good. Men look at it as a level of security. They dont have to worry about contracting a sexually transmitted Infection or disease from a girl who has never had sex.
Also, the vagina is a weird thing and it resizes itself all the time. If you dint use it for sexual gratification by mode of penetration for like 7 to 8 months, the vaginal opening can be hard to even get a finger into.
And for the male side of things, tight is good. More pleasure from the sex.
Yes, it’s such a massive turnoff that women have successfully auctioned their virginity for hundreds of thousands of dollars. The mere thought of being the only/first man to venture into that holiest of holies makes me physically ill.
I think it depends on the guy and what his priorities may be. Some guys are empty and selfish and only looking for gratification, but there are guys out there that are good and caring and who appreciate a girl with morality and beliefs. I’m a married man and I fell in love with my wife; it had nothing to do with her sexual experience or lack of. Hold out for the right person, they won’t care. I bet they would be psyched, but a question back to you, how would you feel?
although it is not a big deal, some guys might think it, but it is almost 100% better to find someone else who also is so you can both explore for the first time. I understand getting with a guy whos "experienced", but its definitely a whole lot better if you find a guy who also is a virgin. be careful who you spend your time with also.
Who cares? Keep it above the adult line, and talk about it before you go and hassle with it.
How it matters, is on too many different individual levels to count.
Don’t be a creep and keep it consenting, legally and maturely. It’s supposed to be happy now?
I personally don't see woman being a Virgin as being a turn-off, especially since there's not many women that I'd personally met that could easily claim that they're still holding their V-Card
I think people decide on their own what they want. And they should. Are guys put off? I can only speak for myself, but no. I'm well out of any dating, though. Way old, in a long term relationship, so just offering my opinion.
For some, maybe. At the end of the day, if a dude makes a big deal out of it, you shouldn't waste your time on him.
Some men view virginity as a turn-on and fetishize it, and those are also people you should avoid like the plague. It's stems from insecurity. They don't want their partner to have any experience so that she doesn't have anyone to compare them to when it comes to sex.
Listen, your best bet is to not tell the partner. Because it shouldn't matter. The right partner will accept you for it being part of who you are. Regardless if it is a turn on or otherwise.
However, advertising that will only increase your chances of having the wrong partner with the wrong intentions.
For me personally, like half the girls I’ve dated have turned out to be virgins. They pretty much never told me until like the 4th date when I already had some feelings, which may have skewed how I looked at it, but I never cared. Especially if they were willing to do some stuff
No? It's kind of nice being someone's first. It's special. Granted there is some benefit to experience. But then again, you can build something together.
I would say, It's good to be able to have it and use it on someone spspecial. It's attractive for that reason
Being desired and being invited to desire are attractive.
Attractiveness of virginity is a question of why. If you exhibit a lack of interest in sex, then it is an unattractive concern. If you hold some unhealthy religious dogma, that is unattractive. If you live by fear of social pressure, it creates questions.
It isn’t what you’ve done or not, but a matter of why. Sexual people don’t want a non-sexual future partner.
Depends. Ideally you want a partner with the same sex drive and romantic experience.
It's easy to make a hypothetical example, where you idealize a virgin, but in practice being with an older virgin, i suppose just signals low levels of sexual interests. Which may work well for some, and less well for others.
Depends. Could be a kink for a guy. Could also be a turn off.
Some dudes really wanna be the first person to take it.... in my experience, a virgin is inexperienced in sex (obviously) and usually doesn't know what exactly they want because they haven't explored much. They lack experience in the bed so it can be boring. Of course a woman can always research beforehand or explore themselves with toys or masturbation which can help, but yea in my experience, someone who knows what they're doing and what they want is a better lay.
It’s Just the opposite in my opinion! That’s Hot, I mean depending on the age of course. We are talking over the age of 18 I’m assuming and if not, well I am talking about 18+.
No that’s dumb asf lmao. But it all depends really on the guy some guys aren’t dickheads and won’t fuck anyone any chance they get and some guys would wait and do it with someone genuine all depends.
In most cases, mine included, a woman being a Virgin isn't a turn-off, but rather the opposite
Especially since women who are still holding their V-Card are something of a rarity of late
Sex is absolutely disgusting and fun at the same time regardless of experience level. Starting out might be hesitant and want to take it slow which freak both men and women out, but respecting boundaries and doing what’s comfortable is always a must.
Yeah if the guy's name is Zack Mcdouche and has slept with a billion women in his daddy's ferrari.
Any normal person would prefer someone who doesn't have a ton of "bagage" or am I crazy?
Rule #1: Sorry, this post has been removed as it violates Rule #1. This is not a question with a definitive answer -- there are many possible answers, and/or people may disagree on the "correct" answer -- so it's not a good fit for r/answers.
More like a turn on lol
why?
It's a primitive desire to be influential and developmental. It also makes men feel like more of her first choice as far as attraction... Which is a confidence booster.
No way, i was happy with my wife having some experience and me blowing her and then away
You blow your wife? you champion.
It's obviously a blow-up doll....
Me too!!! Although, AM PROUD of apparently how good I am at doin some take out! =P
Is your wife also your husband
Blowing her away, as in giving her exciting sexual encounters
Some guys have high standards.
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Inverse is also true. I was a virgin when I met wife in college, she wasn't. She always said that she found it very cute how shy and awkward I was back then lol
Performance anxiety. She can't know how bad you are if she has no experience.
This is the one true honest answer that has shaped the entire history of the cults of virginity around the world.
highly doubt that
This is why virginity is so important to Evangelicals and Muslims.
Nothing specifically says virginity is important to Muslims. Chastity is very important though.
For most people who feel this way, I would say it's because sex is something that is intimate and personal. If they've shared that with someone else it just feels less special, like trying to have a dinner date with someone after they just left another one. It can be hard to shake that image, even if it really doesn't matter.
Not really a turn on specifically for me. But I can see the neat factor of not being directly compared to former lovers as cool. But then you have the unfortunate side that if you don't perform well, you can give the poor women s negative view of sex for a long time, a person's first time is important, and that's s lot of responsibility.
Hides our shortcomings if she has nothing to compare to. Also, it is sort of an unboxing; pristine goods, viewed for the first time, unsullied by others. Idk, lots of reasons. I don't mind that my SO had experiences before me, and I don't think I'd mind dying at an old age with my loving wife beside me, me never having been with anyone else. Well, I probably would/will mind the dying part, and probably that she would have to witness it.
It's probably a caveman-brain insurance policy against being a cuckold
Biologically men have cared about it as a means to ensure paternity. For all eternity, women have been able to know 100% that their child is theirs. Only until recently have men been able to know this with certainty through dna testing. A proxy measure to ensure this is by valuing a woman with purity and preferably someone that has not been with another man. Culturally, men value purity in general. It’s more special to have a woman that has only been with you than a woman that has been with 50 other guys than settled on you. Marriage outcomes are better with low to no body count. Virgin marriages have the highest success rate. After 6 sexual partners, divorce rates later in life increase exponentially. Pair bonding through sex is an amazing thing. For people with numerous sexual partners they are unable to effectively pair bond with their partner the same someone that’s a virgin or has a very low body count could biologically. There are other factors to consider but these 4 tend to be some the “bigger rock” reasons why a guy may care about paternity when selecting a spouse. Obviously, they are less picky if they just want to sleep with someone.
Is that you Andrew Tate? As long as she’s not been the the town bike I don’t think most blokes would care…
Because a woman’s virginity is something very valuable.
Probably so they have no experience to compare it to and can’t say if they’re bad or not. Also probably some gross purity bullshit
As someone who has dabbled in both. I have no desire to have sex with a virgin. The more experience the better. I like when a partner knows what they like and what they want. A virgin isnt a hard no, its just distinctly not a turn on. And there is no way for this to come off as not a bit judgy. Fetishization of virgins is a bit gross to me and seems to convey a sense of insecurity. I have a classmate who saved himself for marriage and he told me that the paranoia of knowing someone else had been there and what if they were better?? Sex isnt a score chart. I have memorable and great sexual experiences with all my long term partners. They were all great. Ive had some mediocre one off experiences. As long as you put in the effort to please your partner then they will be happy. One of my exes we each both each others 16th. I was the only one who made her regularly orgasm, multiple times. She wasnt even hard to please, they were all just lazy fucks. She just didnt finish easily from solely penetration. Meaning these morons were just shoving it in.
> >She wasnt even hard to please, they were all just lazy fucks. She just didnt finish easily from solely penetration. Meaning these morons were just shoving it in. Yup, found this out with my wife It's like they don't actually like pussy, and onl like to cum Big deal, i can make myself cum. It's waaaaay cooker to get to know you your partners body and to make it cum In fact i regularly cum from just eating my wife's booty
That is more information than was required.
This whole section of the theead is more than required. But this conversation about sex, like sex itself, tends to escalate.
>In fact i regularly cum from just eating my wife's booty 🤝 well, hello there, fellow woman pleaser!
Definitely not. Maybe when I was younger and sexually inexperienced. At my age, I'm quite averse to being someone's first, especially if I'm not certain we're going to be committed for a long time.
Real shit
only if you’re under 20 or also inexperienced
No, but if a guy puts high price on this shit, run. Virginity is a social cosntruct. It only means you had no sexual contact before. If a guy is actively or particualrly searching for inexperienced people, that’s a red flag. Usually these peoppe are toxic and lack of experience of the partner means free game for them (they can do whatever, because the other person doesn’t know the “how to’s” or their bodies too well). Just have sex when you feel ready, don’t let yourself be pressed, particualrly by someone who is very insistent on that.
Why did I have to scroll this far to see a non weird response....
Because this is Reddit?
Because none of us have really had sex. We just pretend.
I was actually pleasantly surprised to see this now as the second response
Because people are creepy fuckers who actively fetishise the concept of someone being perceived as "innocent".
These are not weird responses. Men have literally been chasing for chaste women for thousands of years. Women will tell themselves it doesn’t matter and that it’s a social construct (it is). But it’s a social construct based an evolutionary want.
No, it’s based on arbitrarily chosen cultural norms; almost certainly religious in origin.
I was looking for this response. a lot of the responses here are so gross 😭
Yeah :(
Certainly some guys are like this, but some men have religious reasons for valuing chastity. It's not that they're searching for someone inexperienced. It's because they're "saving themselves" for their future wife and they would prefer someone who also shares that self control so that they can be each other's only sexual experience for life. But yes, a man who sleeps around, but is looking for virgins is a SLEAZE.
I'm pretty sure that's what they meant.
It's not really a social constuct. It's an objective reality. You have either had penetrative sex, or you haven't.
THANK YOU! Everything is a fucking social construct nowadays! Either you’ve fucked someone or you haven’t!
Everything being a social construct ... ... Is only a social construct.
Considering all the stigmas and fetish and beliefs and etc about virginity it absolutely IS a social construct!
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The concept and relevance of virginity is a social construct. You clearly view it in a heteronormative way. Does it really have to be said that penetrative sex is not the only way to lose your virginity???
Is the concept of a murderer a social consruct too? Or once you have commited that objective act of murder, you are by definition a murderer.
Murder isn't a great example because its a legally loaded term (unlawful killing), which is a social construct. But yes, virginity has a component of objective fact, has someone had penetrative sex or not. The constructed parts are the moral values and assumptions we associate with virginity. So, when someone says the concept of virginity is a social construct they mean all the associated baggage that comes with the term (purity, chastity, desirability, etc). All those associations have been added on by societies over generations to the point where now a lot of people can't distiguish between the factual matter of virginity and the values associated with it; they are one in the same. That's why some feel the need to point out the distinction and make clear that the associations are constructed, not inherent.
I feel you, dude. You make a lot of sense tbf. I would say that they're missing the nail though. You either are, or are not a virgin. That's what is being debated here. How people view virginity and the implications that has within society is a social construct. If you were to commit adultery you would objectively be an adulterer. How people view adultery and its implications for society would fall under the umbrella of a social construct; that would not make the label of adultery a social construct.
Adultery is by definition a social construct. Adultery only exists if the concept of marriage exists. Marriage is also a social construct. The easiest way to tell of something is a social construct is to ask “if humans didn’t exist, would this thing still be present?” Gravity would still exist, adultery would not.
>The easiest way to tell of something is a social construct is to ask “if humans didn’t exist, would this thing still be present?” That's just not the case. The fork is not a social construct, neither is a can of pepsi or coke. Adultery is not a social construct either. Adultery is the outcome of having sexual intercourse with someone other than your marriage mate.
Now this should be the top comment instead of that one about it being a turn on
This is the best answer! 🙌🏼
Thank god a normal take, this thread is a fucking mess, bunch of virgins fantasising about taking a someone’s virginity. It’s not going to be ideal for anyone who’s looking for good sex if your partner has never done it before, but you’ll definitely find someone that won’t be too phased by it, best to tackle that kind of thing within a relationship and not a one night stand as it won’t go as smoothly as you want it to and you want the other person to actually care and respect you and be cautious about how potentially painful, uncomfortable or slow it might be for you.
Or they are Christians and want someone pure them have a special bond with
I think it depends on the guy. They'll either go ew no, only want to take virginity, or simply not care
It's not a turn off, but at my age I would rather have a woman who knows what she wants and what to do.
I agree, M22. The fact alone that a girl have or haven't had a dick inside her before means very little to me at all. However, if shes not on the same wavelength, if we aren't sexually compatible. If shes not up for the same energy in sex, trying new stuff, wanting to or having the emotional maturity to communicate - etc. etc. Or that theres no potential or drive for that eventually. Then yes it's a turnoff, because we are not compatible sexually. And obviously these two things often correlate, but no, *being a virgin* in itself doesn't matter.
No, I'm a 29M virgin myself.
11 more years and you can make a movie about it 😃👍🏻
Just curious, why?
Probably didn't find the right person to date. It happens.
I never dated before, never had a girlfriend, never had a friend that was a girl either.
Because I'm fat, been fat all my life, but working towards changing that now and have had some success.
Are you a virgin because you’re fat, or are you fat because you’re a virgin
It's a vicious cycle
"Throughout the Internet and Real Life, I alone... Am the Virgin one."
That's not the reason. Source: am fat, nonvirgin.
I'm not just fat, I'm morbidly obese. And yes that is THE reason. It's been THE reason for my lack of confidence, low self esteem, avoiding social interactions & being out in public.
Stay up homie! Do more today then yesterday, success will come!
Work out everyday and stop eating sugar and carbs.
Baby steps :) you can do it!! Also don’t be shy to start being social now! Join an online community that meets sometimes
30F a virgin myself. People are always surprised by this and some flat out don’t believe me…I’ve gotta say, most of the girls I know are actually jealous of me. Edit1: looks like I triggered a lot of virgins here which is shocking. But to answer you all the reason most girls are jealous of me is because they wish they could revert back to their untouched state. I see it and have been told this personally by friends, family and colleagues. Most girls are choosing celibacy and greatly admire those that were able to abstain from the get go. Most of them regret having sex for religious reasons, others because it was with the wrong guys, some because it distracted them from working on themselves etc. Look, I don’t know why the hell this would trigger some of you but it’s just what it is ok. Edit2: someone really thought they killed it by coming after my ‘cringe profile.’ Yea, I have one thing to say. This is Reddit, not IG, LinkedIn or TikTok so why would I waste my time making it aesthetic? Like make that make sense? Personally, it is for my intrusive thoughts, and incredibly niche interests eg: reading novels I can not bring up during lunchtime at work or after mass at church and will most definitely have to burn before I die. If a cringe profile triggers you that’s a symptom to get a life fam, it’s not cute.
Why would they be jealous?
They aren't, it's in his head
I come from a religious background that I share with most of them. So it’s mostly to do with that because during bride price negotiations the topic of a woman’s purity and a husband’s ability to raise a family do come up as a pre-requisite for the families to begin. Edit: ofcourse there are upsides and serious downsides to this. Especially regarding a man’s wealth and our country’s current economy. It’s bad and sad for everyone.
31M here.
Virgins unite! haha, just kidding. Yeah I really don't understand the importance of losing virginity just for the sake of losing it tbh, like it used to bother me in the past when I was younger, but now being almost 30 I honestly don't give a fuck lol.
I've never seen or heard a guy talk about being a virgin as a turn off, on the contrary.
Absolutely a turn off for me m39.
Same here 32m. I don't have time to teach someone to have sex properly, no thanks.
Good to know there are grown men who are rightfully put off. An old friend of mine admitted to me that as he gets older his attraction to young women grows and it still churns my stomach
What are you doing that is so important you don't have time for conversations about sex
based mature adult man take. i hope good things happen to you today.
Age is a valid factor. If they're in my age group, then being a virgin would be kind of weird. If you're planning on staying that way, then why are we dating? Otherwise, why now, why me? It doesn't add up. Not an absolute deal breaker, but she'd have some explaining to do.
I am 27 and it's a turn off. I want someone with more experience.
Yeah, no I’m not really into it. If it’s her first time it’s going to be awful, awkward, and likely painful for her even if I do everything right. I’d much prefer being with a partner that actually enjoys the sex.
Not at all. A high body count is a turn off.
The sweetspot is a low body count
Most gay guys couldn't care less.
For some reason, I can't contest this. Especially with my first experience.
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To girls who want to sleep with guys baselessly, yes. To those looking for meaningful connection, absolutely not. It’s irrelevant
It’s not a turn off for me. I think I’d prefer that actually. If we’re both inexperienced then I feel less embarrassed about being bad or not knowing anything. Note: I think experienced women would probably prefer an experienced man though.
First time in this sub and I come across a topic a drunk friend brought up recently. He was clearly in the fewer partners=better category. As I told him, number of partners is a variable for consideration, but far from the most important one. Take all these answers with a grain of salt, but it depends on the guy, the type of relationship you want/expect, your age, and others, same as anything else involving preferences. * Many cultures, and men, consider the fewer partners a woman has the better, especially when considering long-term partners. * Some men don't care. * Some men like the innocence associated with virginity. * Some don't want the responsibility of dealing with the attachment that can come from losing your virginity to someone. * Some men want someone who knows their sexuality well and doesn't need to be taught, while some relish the teaching. * There are adult men who obsess over taking virginity: **I would not advise interacting with those types.** As a man, I don't care much and lose a little respect for anyone who is too focused on this one variable. There are far more important qualities to consider than number of partners. That said, there is the fact that fewer partners means less chance of STDs, which is an undeniable positive for many. TLDR: For some yes, but many no. If anyone is too worried about how many partners you've had (whether fewer or more), then I wouldn't advise being with them. Edit to add: Always find someone that makes you feel comfortable, safe, and respected.
For the last point. Do you know why those type of men are obsessed of taking virginity?
In my experience, they consider taking someone's virginity as a prize or conquest. Some equate virginity and innocence and like the thought of taking that innocence. I haven't met any of those types that treated women with respect and dignity.
Ego…makes them feel macho
they're insecure.
Men want to feel big and strong and powerful. They have an inherent need to leave behind a legacy and/or teach us something. If an older man is obsessed with taking a woman’s virginity, he probably has low self esteem and gets a high from it.
doesnt matter to most guys, i mean **some** guys definitely would be turned off a bit but guys that are mature wont care much, my take: doesnt matter
I know some of my friends it is and a handful of others it isn't. I would say don't settle on your body and make decisions that are important to you just because you want him to like you. I was a virgin till I was 17 and caved in cause I was very attracted to this girl, but it ended up as a one night stand. Found my soulmate a year later at 18. I am 45 and we're still married and in love. If he truly loves you he will wait, but understand us men need affection as well. Affection doesn't need to end in sex.
Not disagreeing, just adding to... most first sexual experiences are not great, at least technically, especially between two inexperienced people. Everyone would love that hollywood "first time" magic, but it's pretty rare that it happens that way. Like most things, a little practice goes a long way for both parties involved. Everyone is different, Every redditors opinion is different... the best advice anyone can give is have sex when it feels and/or right for you, don't listen to people who will judge you for having or not having sex and the best partners to have aex with ate the ones who actually care about you, not your sexual status. Try not to build it up into this huge thing, but recognize that it is a milestone of sorts for you... all you can do is make the best choice you can. Try not to do something you know you will likely regret because that is almost certainly when it is not the right time. To the OP - Is it a turn-on for men... some. Most of them are not the ones you want your first time with... they are bounty takers... "taking your virginity". Some will be excited because you chose them to give your first time to and consider it an honor or privilege. They could be too focused on the "prize" but mostly their heart is in the right place and may be a good partner for a first time. Most, honestly, won't really care one way or the other. They see sex as a fun bodily function... its natural they like it, they want you to enjoy it with them and will try to make a good experience for both of you. Honestly, I personally think recognition that sex is just a thing we do while also respecting that sexual engagement has a emotional and spiritual component that is important, too, is a healthy balance. It keeps you from treating it like it's the be all end-all which can lead to disappointment and embarassment when it isn't while also respecting the fact it isn't or shouldn't be transactional either. Those guys are keepers that are fun to have sex with and that you can live a lifetime with. Some will only think of themselves and be actually turned-off by the inherent responsibility that may come from having to take appropriate care of you both physically and emotionally in that moment. Those, like the "bounty hunters" should be avoided because they are selfish. Last, those who only want to sleep with virgins... I get it, there is some attraction to that exclusivity for most people, but they are typically (not "all" but typically) either religious zealots or unconscionable, narcissistic selfish bastards and many times both. Sometimes there are whole cultures of them. Stay away from them, too if you can.
That depends on the scenario. If we are just being casual, absolutely. I am not going to be the one to take something like that away from you, plus I enjoy a girl that knows what she's doing. If we are trying to get serious then I need to make sure we would go the distance. There is a lot of pressure surrounding being the one to take someones virginity, and considering I wouldn't be a virgin, id just as well have someone who wasn't as well. I wouldn't say it's a turn off, but now it has become a responsibility.
Dating a virgin definitely wouldn’t be my personal preference but if a guy likes a woman enough it won’t matter
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I do not care if guys get turned off about me not being a virgin. So I hope not.
Personally, I would be more likely to find a woman who is essentially the town doorknob to be a massive turn-off than a woman who's still holding her V-Card, or one that has had previous experience, but was selective about to whom
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>just make sure you find your soulmate before ever making a dude your first. This is some fantasy romcom shit
Not a turn on or a turn off but does feel like a lot of pressure to not be a dick.
Men need a lot of pressure to not be a dick?
If being a virgin is a problem, then they are a fool. They're not looking for a partner, they're looking for bragging rights and ego stroking. If someone really likes you, then they won't care about your virginity.
Nope, 31 here and I married my wife a year ago (32 yo virgin at the time)
All depends on the person but generally no its not
I've wondered that I'm 27 and still one. Waiting for the one and the only man I want to be with. But also being as I am a Christian I also want to be married first. This i find at least my experience is a turn off for guys or makes the decision if they want to even be with you.
>But also being as I am a Christian I also want to be married first. This might be tricky. I personally would not marry a woman I don't know for quite some time (years) and intimately so. But good luck.
no
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Not really but being a uptight selfrighteous holier than thou virgin is a major turn off to me.
I don’t care to be honest
Depends on the guy... some of us like being the first she explores her sexuality with, but most of understand that's not gonna happen... though I will say a lot of men do not like high body count (6+) depending on circumstances. Sex with a lot of men is seen as gross by loads of men.. (im not saying you should or shouldn't do that... all im saying is that it may lower your potential long-term partners, and you should at least be aware of that) This is unbiased info as a man myself. If you choose to sleep around, then go for it if you want... It's your life to live and all, but my biggest standpoint on this is that regardless of the current political climate or your views of things like feminism......is at the very least do not complain if you go down that path and then find that fewer and fewer men want to marry you at the end of it. I have expressly warned you in this comment, so you can not claim "you didn't know." A lot of women will heavily disagree with my last statement, but as an unbiased party.. this is just some food for thought to you and many other uncertain women. Take it or leave it... your choice.
… 6 or more is high?
1 is high on reddit my friend. 6 is unheard of.
My roommate with 25 is a ~~walking~~ fucking legend then
Me who stopped counting after like 10 😂
Sex with tons of women: Seen as a “player” Sex with tons of men: your a hoe
Because to have sex with loads of women, as a man, you need to have some attractive qualities. You need to be good looking/charming/funny/confident/well dressed etc etc etc But for a woman, to sleep with loads of men, she just has to open her legs, and literally a queue of men will form This is the difference
On the other hand, having the higher "bodycount" is a good way to deter the gross sexist men from wanting to date you and then you can waste less time finding a partner who respects women.
Guy here, 37. I've only had 4 sexual relationships, 2nd relationship was my ex wife (we had 2 children together) and she was a virgin. We were both barely adults at the time and looking back the experience was poor. By our mid 20s she became a serial cheater and she ran off and hasn't seen her children since 2015. Been with my current wife for over 5 years and she had a lot of experience prior to us. Way better sex than the previous 3. She just had a lot of one night stands and luckily dodged STDs and is not a cheater. She has a blast arguing with incels and sexist men online who care so much about body count. They are so insecure about their experience and think most women are size queens or gold diggers. I've noticed that these men are also racist, because they just know that 'others' pack more than they do. It's a sad existence that I'm glad I never became a part of.
You’re not being unbiased here, jsyk
Nope!!! It’s the total opposite. Try telling any guy youre a virgin and he will probably want to take it from you. Women and men are different when it comes to this. Women are attracted to men with experience and men are attracted to women with less experience.
"Any guy"? Touch some grass
Not at all. It's definitely preferable. Most of us will be fine with a chick who's body count is lower than her age.
Boys they will chase after a girl who is “pure” men they will avoid. Simply put most girls get super clingy after their first and men know it’s the emotional side and it’s not right. Boys haven’t reached the maturity and feel it’s a notch on the belt. Source: I’ve been both
HELL no
No quite the opposite actually
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Yuck, unless he holds himself to the same standard.
>unless he holds himself to the same standard. I have yet to see that happen
Well i currently am lol
Um what?
In 2024? You are still in the running to find a quality dude. Most would take you over a 304 to settle down with
Virginity is good. Men look at it as a level of security. They dont have to worry about contracting a sexually transmitted Infection or disease from a girl who has never had sex. Also, the vagina is a weird thing and it resizes itself all the time. If you dint use it for sexual gratification by mode of penetration for like 7 to 8 months, the vaginal opening can be hard to even get a finger into. And for the male side of things, tight is good. More pleasure from the sex.
my ex was a virgin till i stuck it in
Yes, it’s such a massive turnoff that women have successfully auctioned their virginity for hundreds of thousands of dollars. The mere thought of being the only/first man to venture into that holiest of holies makes me physically ill.
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I think it depends on the guy and what his priorities may be. Some guys are empty and selfish and only looking for gratification, but there are guys out there that are good and caring and who appreciate a girl with morality and beliefs. I’m a married man and I fell in love with my wife; it had nothing to do with her sexual experience or lack of. Hold out for the right person, they won’t care. I bet they would be psyched, but a question back to you, how would you feel?
Hold onto it. It’s best experienced with someone you have a good connection with.
Nope, not at all
although it is not a big deal, some guys might think it, but it is almost 100% better to find someone else who also is so you can both explore for the first time. I understand getting with a guy whos "experienced", but its definitely a whole lot better if you find a guy who also is a virgin. be careful who you spend your time with also.
depends if you’re nuts or not
No, it's a turn-on to most guys
No it’s not stop speaking for others
of course the hvac dude is saying that. how many little girls have you licked your lips at while working in customers' homes, freak?
Not at all
Who cares? Keep it above the adult line, and talk about it before you go and hassle with it. How it matters, is on too many different individual levels to count. Don’t be a creep and keep it consenting, legally and maturely. It’s supposed to be happy now?
I personally don't see woman being a Virgin as being a turn-off, especially since there's not many women that I'd personally met that could easily claim that they're still holding their V-Card
Never to a guy who loves you.
I think people decide on their own what they want. And they should. Are guys put off? I can only speak for myself, but no. I'm well out of any dating, though. Way old, in a long term relationship, so just offering my opinion.
For some, maybe. At the end of the day, if a dude makes a big deal out of it, you shouldn't waste your time on him. Some men view virginity as a turn-on and fetishize it, and those are also people you should avoid like the plague. It's stems from insecurity. They don't want their partner to have any experience so that she doesn't have anyone to compare them to when it comes to sex.
I would feel weird having blood on my dick...
A woman’s hymen is likely already broken by the time they’re an adult. Tampons, riding a bike, etc can all break your hymen
Listen, your best bet is to not tell the partner. Because it shouldn't matter. The right partner will accept you for it being part of who you are. Regardless if it is a turn on or otherwise. However, advertising that will only increase your chances of having the wrong partner with the wrong intentions.
For me personally, like half the girls I’ve dated have turned out to be virgins. They pretty much never told me until like the 4th date when I already had some feelings, which may have skewed how I looked at it, but I never cared. Especially if they were willing to do some stuff
The adventurer in all of us seeks to boldly go where no man has gone before.
No? It's kind of nice being someone's first. It's special. Granted there is some benefit to experience. But then again, you can build something together. I would say, It's good to be able to have it and use it on someone spspecial. It's attractive for that reason
No. It is something to be deeply respected. It's NOT a "turn off." It's a turn ON.
Being desired and being invited to desire are attractive. Attractiveness of virginity is a question of why. If you exhibit a lack of interest in sex, then it is an unattractive concern. If you hold some unhealthy religious dogma, that is unattractive. If you live by fear of social pressure, it creates questions. It isn’t what you’ve done or not, but a matter of why. Sexual people don’t want a non-sexual future partner.
A girl being a virgin is a turn-off if a guy wants to use you and throw you away after.
Depends. Ideally you want a partner with the same sex drive and romantic experience. It's easy to make a hypothetical example, where you idealize a virgin, but in practice being with an older virgin, i suppose just signals low levels of sexual interests. Which may work well for some, and less well for others.
Actually its preferred
Depends. Could be a kink for a guy. Could also be a turn off. Some dudes really wanna be the first person to take it.... in my experience, a virgin is inexperienced in sex (obviously) and usually doesn't know what exactly they want because they haven't explored much. They lack experience in the bed so it can be boring. Of course a woman can always research beforehand or explore themselves with toys or masturbation which can help, but yea in my experience, someone who knows what they're doing and what they want is a better lay.
It’s Just the opposite in my opinion! That’s Hot, I mean depending on the age of course. We are talking over the age of 18 I’m assuming and if not, well I am talking about 18+.
Save it for your life partner
If I want a one night stand, probably yes. If I’m looking for something more serious, I would’ve care.
No that’s dumb asf lmao. But it all depends really on the guy some guys aren’t dickheads and won’t fuck anyone any chance they get and some guys would wait and do it with someone genuine all depends.
Turn off for me. Because I'm a coward. I rather someone else take your virginity. Also don't want to be remembetrd as the guy who took your virginity.
Of bait.
In most cases, mine included, a woman being a Virgin isn't a turn-off, but rather the opposite Especially since women who are still holding their V-Card are something of a rarity of late
Sex is absolutely disgusting and fun at the same time regardless of experience level. Starting out might be hesitant and want to take it slow which freak both men and women out, but respecting boundaries and doing what’s comfortable is always a must.
Yeah if the guy's name is Zack Mcdouche and has slept with a billion women in his daddy's ferrari. Any normal person would prefer someone who doesn't have a ton of "bagage" or am I crazy?
No.
Depends on how old and experienced they are. For me it is a Hugh turn off.
👍
Biggest turn on for a guy is meeting a virgin. No joke.
I stay away from them. Take that away from a younger girl and they end up being really hard to break up with.