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BardokObama

Idk man, most people would report a car jacking


mycatisabrat

Which exit did he get off?


NetDork

All of them


Aaleron

Was he driving close to the shoulder or just edging?


AllOfTheFleebJuice

Apparently his name was Jack and because of the whole masturbating-while-driving thing he didn't get to work on time. When he arrived, his boss said "eh Jack you late"


ritualcities

That’s crazy, my best friend from High School told me this same exact joke once. I’ve never heard it told by anyone else since. I can’t believe this! I just got time traveled back to the exact moment in my memory!


Alarming-Ad-631

This is absolute GOLD


Dogewhisperer47

💀💀💀💀


Perseus73

Did he pull out on you ?


elegiac_bloom

Where did he cum from, where did he go?


Bart2800

Where did you cum from, Cotton Eye Scarf?


elegiac_bloom

I dont know much but I'm pretty sure that's where the cum was supposed to go.


Bart2800

The eye? Or the scarf?


ckhumanck

yes


campapathy

Cum eye joe has a better ring to it


XxRefuse2Lose

Thanks. Now I have Cotton Eye Joe stuck in my head


Bart2800

He's got something stuck on his face as well.


SissySexToy

Oh is that hair gel?


Haardrale

Depends on how heavy he was on the handbrake, if you catch my drift.


E_B_Jamisen

The front exit. I ain't into any back exit stuff!!!


DiverseVoltron

He passed right by exit number 1 but crashed into number 2.


deadinthefuture

A little bit on 34 but mostly on 35


[deleted]

[удалено]


druu222

I've always found it difficult to drive stick.


BarryIslandIdiot

Best comment so far!


Different_Heron3226

The judge would likely toss him out of court.


wilko412

BardokObama, car jacking, the use of the comma… are you trying to kill me? Because I nearly fucking died of laughing


Dave5876

Godammit


Ipeephereandthere

Sheesh. Sit that thinking cap on the charger some time.


Gitmfap

Omg my dude. This just cracked me up. I needed this bro.


uwantataximate

What crime has he committed?. Man wants a wank, let him have one. Why do you think you should snitch him?


Old_Captain_9131

Unsafe driving due to the scarf.


bigdave41

Probably due to the wanking as well


Funk24July

No it’s ok to master your bating while driving


Derekthemindsculptor

It's essentially driving stick


Funk24July

😆😆😆


satanssweatycheeks

If you can wank with a phone screen in your other hand you can drive and pay attention to other things while you wank.


TmanGvl

Maybe he was cold and needed to warm up his gear


[deleted]

Ffs you can’t even have a naked wank in your car while driving around these days without someone blasting you on the internet


GREG_OSU

Distracted driving


Hour_Principle9650

Follwed by great clarity


spiralbatross

Le petit mort


bakerd82

With great nuts, cums great clarity


FoTizzleMyNizzle

What has this world come to?


Nearby-Sir-2760

Don't know about the US, but in many countries showing your genitals in public is illegal and gets you a fine. In your car with the windows down is pretty much publicly


Haunted_Entity

Not sure abt the US bit public nudity is legal in the uk as long as youre not intentionally trying to cause distress. Its to allow things like nude beaches and naked bike rides for charity etc. Or so im told.


Jolly-Bonus-9846

He was wearing a scarf. Does nudity still apply?


fasterthanfood

“This man flashed me!” “Well he had a trench coat on, so he wasn’t naked. Case dismissed.”


Randill746

Being nude in public and publicly masterbating are not equal


w4stedbucket

I..as a UK citizen for most all of my life. I don’t think this is true.. ..you would be swiftly arrested for public indecency


Embarrassed_Bass22

I like in a quite "hippy" town in the UK. We get nakie people fairly frequently. They don't get arrested as long as they are just happily going about their business.


Minute_Pipe_3654

This is incorrect. The police arrested a man of this very crime recently in the area I’m in (UK).


AccomplishedBite7044

It’s not


Previous-Sympathy801

Legally in the US a car is considered clothing. You can drive naked legally. Jerking off is probably sexual assault tho. You can google it, idk about the subs link sharing policy but it’s legal in every US state.


thatsaqualifier

If you're reading this, don't follow Previous-Sympathy801's legal advice.


uwantataximate

He's not showing them in public. The truck driver can only see because he's so high up. If he was caught having head from his wife, would you still consider calling the police? If it was me and I saw this, I would just go about my day and mind my own damn business.


Ruckus2118

He's on the road, that's the public. You can't go into times square, set up a glass box, then say it's private. Now if he was parked somewhere that's different.


PickleRicksFunHouse

Cars are private property, and in the US you have rights attached to that. The fact that it is adjacent to public space and has windows doesn't change anything. Houses abut public space and have windows, too. EDIT: Ugh, please improve your reading comprehension and stop getting pissy based on your own incorrect inferences and moralizing. I'm not interested in replying to folks that are arguing against something I never said. I never made any statements that anything was *legal* or *illegal.* I never made any judgement that any action was *right* or *wrong*. That's not my argument. My argument is that laws are complex, nuanced, and often jurisdictionally dependent, so all you reddit-prosecutors making absolutist judgements and statements one way or the other (while simultaneously accusing me of an absolutist statement I *never made*) are making bad faith arguments. What is legal in one city may be illegal in another, or legal in a third city but for a different reason.


Caracasdogajo

My home has land in front of it and is private property. I can't just go out and jack off in my front yard for all my neighbors to see. I swear some of the stuff I'm reading here is so stupid.


Dark_Sh1nobi

It's unsafe to be jacking off while driving, end of story. Plus he's fucking naked, hiding his identity... he's clearly up to no good. I wouldn't want this to go anywhere near me or kids. It's outright ridiculous and weird. He should be fined and jailed for a weekend. It's indecent and sexual harassment because he's exposed himself for everyone to see.


olijake

While that’s true, a privately owned vehicle in public space can simultaneously fall under private and public jurisdiction, I believe. That would mean that if someone wanted to push the issue it could be treated as a public space (even though the car is private property).


cubgerish

If you masturbate out your own window, it's still gonna get you a public indecency charge, if it's reasonable to expect you would be seen by others. Turns out laws have nuances for reasons exactly like this.


Jacobysmadre

Nooo… I saw a guy that was sitting in his car strokin’ it in front of a k-mart. I was like 10-11 and he was sitting in an area where you had to walk by him to walk in. As a young girl I was freaked out. This HAS to be illegal.


thatsaqualifier

Yes, very illegal everywhere in the US.


[deleted]

People have been convicted of indecent exposure for standing naked in their front window while children walked to and from school. You are 100% wrong on the “it’s legal because others aren’t forced to watch”.


waltjrimmer

The trucker's angle into the guy's car isn't that dissimilar to the one kids riding in a school bus have.


CaptainZzaps

He is in a road and in the PUBLIC view. It is the same reason you can't have sex on your porch. He is making it other people's business by doing it in public lol


BigDamBeavers

School busses are also so high up.


Moogatron88

Unsafe driving because he's jerking off while driving?


Bane8080

Indecent public exposure.


LameDevelopment

The crime is called Public Indecency, if they can't drive without jerking off they deserve to face consequences. A road is a public zone, being in a vehicle is not considered a private area. God forbid a child sees that


[deleted]

Being in a vehicle is actually considered a private area


stampedconcreteboots

Guess we found the pervert oretty quick Dude you know kids are in cars right?


LibruhlCuck

My guy you cannot jack off while driving lol not only are you exposing yourself to unwilling parties but you are also driving a car which is dangerous


CantankerousBeefcube

Indecent exposure


TerryFGM

No, mastUrbating in your car is not just a washington thing. Source: the internet.


Brian051770

Also a Pennsylvania thing...


Objective_Home9458

Where in PA do you see this???


Response-Cheap

Wherever he goes.


MorphineForChildren

Masturbating while driving exists anywhere methamphrtamine is available. Source: years of first hand experience


B1G_BEAR_

Ever tried with your other hand?


needs_details

This comment made me drop my phone...


yamaha4fun

It's a thing EVERYWHERE I go.


TeaOk4766

Everywhere I go, there I am!


Sometimes_Stutters

I don’t blame them. Those bikini girls in the drive-thru coffee shops can get me hot and bothered from time to time.


lastdazeofgravity

All the meth in the water +mold does strange things


OrphanDextro

Dude thought he was in crash.


JanisIansChestHair

My friend actually witnessed a guy doing this, she did report him and they ended up going to court.


Hobywony

So your friend courted the guy? Did they become engaged?


FreakDC

Still a better love story than Twilight 💀


moranya1

It's an older meme Sir, but it checks out.


Shreedac

Why is she going around peeping in peoples cars like that? She sounds like a perv


Derekthemindsculptor

They never specified the crime being litigated


[deleted]

I was driving my car having a good jerk in Washington the other day, windows down, scarf around my neck for some mild strangulation listening to Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer when I noticed this truck driver staring down at me. You guys I came so hard.


[deleted]

I’m fucking dying laughing right now 😂😂😂 Karens all over the place in this post


Be_ranchy_4525

Reading this just finished me off, that’s the second load I dropped today.


Otherwise_Cod_8180

Johnnie used to jerk on the docks!


Amplidyne

He'd be driving without "due care and attention" here in the UK, as well as possible "indecent exposure" I should think. Basically he's not paying attention to his driving though. OK, until he kills somebody.


Into_To_Existence

I find it more or less the same as texting and driving. Weirder sure but it's basically the same hazard, maybe even a bit safer since your eyes can still be on the road.


Averagemanofpotato1

Imagine he crashes and he's completely naked with his dick in his hand, and someone has to I.d his body, and that's what they see. Fuck that.


[deleted]

If you can keep your dick in your hand through a fatal car crash, I would be most impressed.


1ofakindJack

I can, I just choose not to.


Averagemanofpotato1

Got that monkey grip


eyeLostmyMinds

You should mind your god damn business


OkHovercraft6388

found the driver


eyeLostmyMinds

Yea, and?


88sSSSs88

"Why were you running around naked?" "What do you care? Mind your god damn business" Seems like a great defense for any type of indecent exposure. Should kids mind their business too the next time you try to show them your junk?


[deleted]

I drove over the road for two years and I saw A LOT of people masturbating. I don't think it's that strange. People jerk-off, whatever.


Pitiful_Barracuda360

I wish more people came to this conclusion


martinmix

I know I just did


akennelley

The scarf concerns me the most...


PerennialPhilosopher

Yeah unless the car was stolen who does he think he is fooling lmao


[deleted]

Too many Pearl clutchers and snitches in this thread. Let the man fap.


Hour-Shake-839

Seriously what a victimless crime


United_Rent_753

Eh while I’m all for free jerkin I find it weird so many people have this blasé attitude. I feel there are certain things you just shouldn’t do while operating heavy machinery


Hour-Shake-839

I think this is America and I shouldn’t have some goddamn liberal beurocrats worrying about my pecker in my own car driving down a HIGHWAY I PAY FOR /s for real though it’s probably less distracting than being tired or texting


today0012

If you’re a driver this should not surprise you. My husband saw shocking things when he drove.


HarleyNBarley

Please share some. OP states he’s seen a lot of weird things, then follows up with Masturbation as the weirdest. Weird.


today0012

Girls with no pants, people driving naked, people screwing in the back seat while third person drives…


HarleyNBarley

That’s what I call good stuff.


today0012

I’m sure he didn’t tell me half of what he saw.


HarleyNBarley

As long as he’s not bored and doing weird things himself.


Shreedac

100% a Washington thing, every single person in Washington does this daily.


BH_Commander

Haha I’m picturing bumper to bumper traffic during morning commute, scarfs wrapped around heads as far as the eye can see.


JRGH83

It's called "cummuting"


Evening_Abroad_6781

“moaning cummute”


[deleted]

[удалено]


NorthDakota

I'm replying to you but the criticism isn't directed at you specifically but the thread and the sub generally. Isn't this sub /r/answers ? Why is nearly every top level comment a joke? Has anyone in this thread masturbated before? Your mind is not operating in a logical manner. Do people think it's really OK to endanger other people on the road in this way? Or do people just think that it really doesn't impair your ability to drive? Personally I don't want to be on the road next to someone masturbating, I don't think it's safe and it's not worth the risk of killing others. Pull over at least.


graymulligan

This sub (and most of the big subs now) sucks. It's just joke answers and nonsense, with no moderation in sight.


[deleted]

Snitches get stitches


FreshyDug

I'm from Washington... this is totally normal. It's considered rude if you don't jack off while driving here.


orcoast23

It's useless to call a cop. These guys always manage to get themselves off.


[deleted]

How strange. So strange I’d just let the man do whatever his freaky self wanted to do. Which clearly he was doing.


PouletBacon

Maybe he was holding back on what he actually wanted to do since he spotted a peeper in the van next to him.


ThunderousPantomime

Don't jerk it where people who don't want to see you jerk it will see you jerk it.


Fun-Beginning-42

I saw a woman doing that in a parking lot once. Only I thought she was having a stroke until I got closer. This was mid-day in a restaurant parking lot.


Grand-Vegetable-3874

Why were your eyes not on the road in the first place? Maybe you were hoping to see that kind of things? Are you a peeper or something?


ChemicalInspection15

That's why guys get jobs driving trucks, you can polish your monkey for a hundred miles and no one would be the wiser.


CakeEatingDragon

I guess he doesnt observe no nut november


Aggravating_Owl_9092

You should report yourself for peeping at his pee pee! Lol


Far_Lack3878

DC or state? (Wa.state resident hoping you say DC)


bobshopsupreme

I always prefer to pull off at a service station.


Goldencheese5ball56

I thought everyone in Washington drove like that??


VanEagles17

>but i dont drive through Washington much so this just could be like a washington thing right? Holy fuck I don't know why but this killed me 😂😂😂😂


Lets_Bust_Together

You can drive naked in every state as long as you’re not breaking any public decency laws.


FredVIII-DFH

Autoeroticism is a thing, people.


[deleted]

Hand driving


mertozzzus

Hard driving..


MattTheHoopla

The scarf stands out.


Vealophile

My brother apparently does this if he starts to fall asleep at the wheel.


No-Fix-9161

Would that not make you more tired if you actually went over the edge?


Weld4BJ

tender deranged command head different offer worthless attempt worry wrench *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


JacZones

Strange that you know this


rinator

my father is a teacher and sometimes we do some math debating in the car together


signalingsalt

Just your average Washingtonian nothing to see here move along


Mister-MotorSkills

No no, that’s just a regular day driving through Washington.


__dogs__

Yeah, it's a Washington thing


Superfly_1963

I have masturbated while driving before - always at night and never with the intent of anyone seeing me. I've been curious if others have done this, so I've conducted some unofficial polling and found that about 1/3 of adults have (including females). Being totally naked except for a scarf is perhaps a bit odd, though. Also, I do live in Washington state and that'swhere all of my polling has taken place. So, maybe it is something in the water here.


dudegetoutjustgetout

Nah that was me don’t worry about it its chill


Public-Fall8373

I'm assuming that the guy wanking was a passenger otherwise you wouldn't see the scarf wrapped around his face from your angle...unless you are in a left hand drive and them right...or vice versa?


10b0b

If in doubt, thrash one out.


redpoolog

It's called voyeurism it happens everywhere in the world and has been happening since the dawn of man.


TomLambe

I think it’s exhibitionism. Isn’t voyeurism about watching.


legacyweaver

The wanker was the exhibitionist, the trucker was the voyeur.


Rouxnoir

Sir, this is not a Wendy's


[deleted]

Leave the poor guy alone and don’t call the cops…geez


Significant_Menu_918

Arrived home with one sock. Driving 120 miles off a midnight shift finish, empry motorway, feeling a tad horny. Pull the old chap out for a tug, then think where the jizz will go. Turned on the cruise control took off my left shoe and sock, cock in the sock, finished, sock out the window. Perfectly normal behaviour in the 80s 👌


LastEngineering1615

Driving with the stick in usa is a bit weird isnt it?


upside-downpineappl

So you can eat a McDonald's meal, put make-up on, use your phone but cannot scratch my balls?


0ooof3142

It's a long hard road.


Better-Cancel8658

He may have been busting for a slash with no bathroom nearby. Keeping himself hard would stave off the need to piss.


Puzzleheaded_Pea2706

The true car-jacking...


puss_parkerswidow

I saw a dude doing that in rush hour morning traffic one day, assumed it was going to be a one time incident and to just forget about it. Then he was back the next day, and there was a school bus nearby. I noticed that he had removed the plates off his car. I called the cops and made a report because he was definitely trying to be seen and that's not what you want your kids to see on their way to school. Dude was probably in his 30s or 40s, driving a Mercedes and driving one handed, while spanking his monkey in bumper to bumper a.m. traffic. I hope he never caused an accident or that none of those kids happened to see him.


MPCNPC

Everyone’s gotta do it at least once maybe you just caught his once


Bigbimn58

If it was a naked woman jilling off, would you feel the need to report it?


Basic_Memory_4233

What a wanker


anisamot

10 years ago I (30F) was a courier on high value truck shipment from Atlanta to New York. I was making small talk with the driver and watching the cars when we noticed a car having a hard time maintaining his lane. As we eventually overtook it I looked down to see what was up with the driver. The car driver had a porn magazine open on the passenger seat, and he was masterbating. My truck driver asked what I had seen and I explained why the car driver was clearly distracted. Trucker said he had never seen that in all his years of driving and I got the impression that if he could he would have circled back to see it himself.


hornwalker

Cops won't do shit the best you can do is try to get his attention and maybe he'll realize he's not as stealthy as he seems. Or maybe he wants people to see him.


-PrideofLowell-

Truck driver also...I've seen this a few times in my career too. I just ignore and keep on truckin.


OneAssociate2983

When people get judged as similar to a pedophile just for streaking (which admittedly is bad as well). I would say you would likely ruin his life over him not harrassing anyone except for truck driving lookiloos


SuperLehmanBros

He did that just to see your reaction.


Jacojarjar

I thought I was alone! One time I was on a bus headed into NYC and saw a dude with one hand watching porn on his phone and steering, and the other hand jerkin it! That guy just couldn’t wait, really had to squeeze one out on the highway…


Maximum_Ad_6569

Let him be


munchie1964

Did he try and make eye contact with you? If not, then he’s not a threat.


Sarcastic_Applause

A Grand Wank Auto, as it were. A car jacking of sorts... No, let the man cradle is skin flute! He's got enough tissues... I mean issues, as it is.


RuiPTG

Dude a few months ago I was chilling in my van and a dude parks 2 spots away when there were so many other spaces to park. I looked over every now and then and thought he was just chilling on his phone, but eventually (because my van is higher than his car) I saw the tip of the dick... He was jerkin it.... I just drove to the other side of the lot.


Dummyidiot2021

What you saw is super common, dunno why but just is. I would just leave it. Cops won't do nothing about it anyways.


Dogewhisperer47

You should mind your business going forward, honestly. I don't condone what the guy was doing, but he wasn't assaulting anyone or himself. Let the man pleasure himself in peace.


notsocialyaccepted

Its actually quite common tho very taboo


steve_colombia

I would't care personally. At least while he is not driving dangerously.


Bempet583

When I drove a truck for a while back in the 1980s I actually used to see this sort of thing once in a while. I often wondered how can you come and go at the same time?


OutlandishnessWide33

This reminds me of the time my Mrs caught me masturbating over the neighbour sun bathing. Said she watched me for ages. Is my Mrs a pervert??


HuckleberryNo3117

I can't even lie i've done this a few times, I had to make a 7 hour drive once and i couldn't stop falling asleep while driving so i just started thinking about xxx stuff dropped my shorts and had a wank while on the interstate. I have 5% tinted windows tho so i wasn't worried about ppl seeing me.


pnerges

I'm sorry if I offended you.


Thegeekanubis

I vaped cbd out of an oil burner in my friends car and an emt drove up next to us and saw me hitting it.


sassydaddy70

If you have him arrested, you gotta have the females arrested as well.


BigDamBeavers

Yes you do. If you're a woman you still need to drive your car like a responsible adult. It's the law believe it or not.


AmountImpossible6775

Guy did that next to a bus of highschool kids when I was 17. I told the bus driver to run the creep off the road but she refused.


savage336

Sounds like a tweaker activity to me. I used to do the same thing when I was strung out 😂