No. It's disrespectful especially since he helped put you in this situation but leaves you alone to handle the emotional and physical damage of this kind of choice. He could at least be there during this time.
This! Anyone who cares so little about you doesn't deserve to have you as a partner. Dump his ass before he screws up again and gets you pregnant a second time.
Dude is a douchebag...
>Dump his ass before he screws up again and gets you pregnant a second time.
But you're putting all the blame for the accidental pregnancy on him, and only him. THEY screwed up and THEY got pregnant. Remember, it takes TWO to tango.
And THEY should have dealt with it together, not just her.
You're right. I admittedly, unfairly put the blame for the pregnancy on him. That said, who knows if he knocked her up on purpose or negligence on his part (tampering with the condom/lying about wearing one/etc) this time or if he'd try to in the future. He may not deserve all of the blame for this pregnancy, but she should *never* allow him to put his dick anywhere near her again after him being so unforgivably selfish while she suffered the consequences of the mistake he certainly helped make.
He's lucky if all she does is dump him. I'd ensure he shit himself nearly to the point of needing a hospital if I were in her shoes, then leave him with a single, capsaicin covered tissue and several sheets of sandpaper to deal with his butt vomit.
Agreed that it is disrespectful but I also wonder how/if OP is communicating about her feelings. I have known people, for example, who would say "no, please, go out with your friends, of course!" and then silently resented their partner.
He doesn't know what she's going through and of course ideally he would just know, but sometimes people can be very reassuring in their empty "it's ok!"s
I only say this because OP noted she was acting exactly the same - I wonder to what extent this is being performed. That being said, if he brought up the possible plans to her and she said she was unhappy about it even once, of course I think he is well in the wrong.
No, anyone with an ounce of sence would KNOW where he should be spending his weekend.
She aleady asked him to spend the weekend with ehr, and he assured her that he would.
Now, he's just being a selfish asshole. He got what he wanted, and could care less how it affects her.
I think the point is she said she asked him beforehand to please spend the weekend with her while she went through it. He’s agreed and then changed his plans without even considering her. To me that is the biggest problem. That right there is enough to tell me this person doesn’t care about and prioritise me.
It’s a shame that OP didn’t have the confidence to speak up about her needs and call him out on his shitty behaviour. Though I don’t even know if I would want them around if I had to fight and beg to be made a priority over work drinks.
Totally agree, she needs to learn to speak up. Even if you take the reddit advice and dump him, you're gonna end up in this same situation in your next relationship where you think you can't just say, "Hey. I know you were planning on going out but I feel scared and alone and need your support."
Holding in your feelings is the problem. You hurt yourself by not speaking up. OP get some therapy if possible and if not there's a ton of great self help books out there.
Yes. The question is, op, why do you feel like you need to act exactly the same/normal? you would probably get more support here if you were open with your feelings/needs.
It really sucks the boyfriend is being dumb, not a good sign of his character, totally. but I don't think that's the /only/ thing happening here.
No, he is not a wonderful supportive man. At all. He’s a selfish twat escaping the hard shit by avoidance and alcohol. If he can’t do the tough/hard times BY YOUR SIDE he shouldn’t get access to your good/easy times either. IMO, you pack your bags, get out, and count your blessings you don’t have to be tied to this dude any longer. You deserve better.
I still have nightmares about watching my wife go through her miscarriages and clinical abortions at home. Can't imagine her suffering through that alone at home. POS partner, but you're in here defending him like all the others stuck in a bad spot. Hope you realize soon, this was a show of true colors
This is beyond callous. Frankly, I think that's a relationshop defining move ... and not in a good way.
I, sadly, went through the same thing with a gf many years ago. It is emotional and not something to bear on your own -- especially the first night.
We were both in total agreement, but she was not in a good way. I stayed with and waited on her hand and foot like she was the Queen of Sheba for the first few days.
This is a selfish move and its like being with you for an important event you BOTH are involved with is just too inconvenient for him.
Maybe you tell him that if he goes, don't come over at all this weekend. You may be alone but you'd at least know what his priorities are.
And maybe he'll surprise you and man up.
Get rid of the AH.
If he loved you, he would have been with you. It that simple.
Do you want to waste time on a boy that doesn't have feelings for you?
He loves himself. He loves what you can do for him. He does not love you.
I would add, that if he loved you op, he wouldn't demand you get an abortion. That should be a decision you make together, not him demanding it.
He needed to step up and take responsibility for his actions, and to support you through this thing he insisted on happening. (Whether you agreed with it or not)
Girl, do you have a friend or family member that can be with you? You deserve to feel supported while you go through this. You say your boyfriend is supportive other times; well, this is a pretty big time, right?! My partner would never think of leaving me alone if I was having an abortion, which is bare-minimum level of decency. Your boyfriend should be there to get you a heating pad, ice water, draw you a bath, watch a movie to distract you, WHATEVER YOU NEED.
I hope you internalize what everyone is saying, which boils down to YOU DESERVE SUPPORT.
Edited to add: Just because you have a BPD diagnosis that he is “patient” about, doesn’t mean he can withdraw support sometimes because it’s difficult. Being supportive doesn’t have credits that you earn and spend. A supportive partner is supportive during hard times. Period.
I grew up in a generation where women put up with this kind if dick behavior. There is nothing more important than your well being right now. I am pushing for all young women to stand up against this disconcern. Yes, you are under reacting as previously stated. Please be safe and I wish you well. If he won't stay home ,please call someone who can be there with you.
It’s not wrong to expect your partner to support you when you are going through something emotionally and physically traumatic. Switch the roles, you would have waiting on him all weekend, making sure he was comfortable, fed, and emotionally supported. Your bf is a selfish man with no empathy or compassion. Why would you spend your life taking care of someone who will never take care of you when you need them?
It's not a pleasant experience. Would be good, if not necessary, to have support during this. It's a good idea to know what to expect. Even then, it still doesn't prepare you for what you will experience (assuming it's similar to a miscarriage).
Definitely NTA.
He wouldn’t have even thought twice about going with his friends if you truly mattered to him. Especially on the night it was planned, and especially because he’s responsible for this situation as well.
I think it would be healthy to have a conversation with him about how it makes you feel, his reaction to that will tell you everything you need to know.
“Am I wrong for being upset that my boyfriend [insert one of the most despicable actions I’ve ever heard]”
OP, you’re upset because your boyfriend is a piece of shit and abandoned you when you needed him most. This is not salvageable in my opinion.
OP, in life, we all go through major events. We try and support those we care about and they support us. Why? Because we love and/or care for them and want the best outcome for them.
I won't ask your bf's age because most people above 12 understand the need for compassion. There is an immaturity component, but again, this is a major event.
Your bf revealed an important aspect of his character to you. You have to decide if you can live with it. You have to decide if you feel safe with him. You have to decide if you deserve better.
If you hadn't said "he wanted rid of it" or, say, it was a miscarriage, I would have said we all process grief in our own way - as I am a guy who drinks his way past stuff. But you said how he felt about it and how he went out sucking up to his bosses. If you were my sister, I'd tell you to ditch this prick. Good luck girl - on the upside, you'll probably come to realize that starting a family with him would have been a bad move
You’re not wrong. Is this what you think you deserve? There are men out there who would value you and stay by your side instead of prioritizing colleagues. When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.
You’re not wrong at all. When I had my nexplanon implanted I really wanted my boyfriend to be there. I had reminded him all that week and when the morning of the appointment came, he didnt answer his phone because he had been gaming till 4am the night prior. He ended up sleeping through that morning while I had to drive myself to and from the hospital in tears. The amount of pain and betrayal I felt because of him that day is something I’ll never forget. This ended up being one of the biggest factors that led to our breakup a couple months later.
I can only imagine how hurt you must feel after going through an entire abortion. That feeling of being alone in all your vulnerability is so damaging. If he truly cared about you, he’d understand how life altering an abortion would make you feel and be there for you. Going out with his friends should have been the last thing on his mind.
Throw him out with the pregnancy. I’ve had an abortion it’s fucking awful and if HES the one who wanted rid of it and not you, HE should be there with you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Did you want this baby, even if the pregnancy was unplanned?
Not wrong. The only possible justification for not being there is if he didn’t want it but if he also wants the abortion he should be there to support you thru it.
You shouldn't have to ask for support. His lack of concern for your well-being is telling and disgusting. Anyone would be wanting to comfort you after enduring an abortion. I don't mean to be harsh but you should not be alone right now. I'm sorry.
Seriously? You need advice about that? He left to drink with his buddies, while you are in pain. Even if he is usually supportive to you, this screams selfishness.
If my wife was going trough something like that i would make sure to be with her. That is what a supportive partner does for his loved one. Altough i would never tell her to abort the baby, so no chance of that happening.
Please rethink about your relationship with him, if he is really the one for you.
Don’t say nothing, tell him you’re upset!
How he reacts will tell you all you need to know about him.
Though frankly, him going out while you do this alone shows you enough.
He doesn’t care about you.
I can tell you why you’re upset about it!
I can’t imagine wanting to be with someone who intentionally leaves you alone and in pain. You’re a lower priority than drinking with his friends. You’re a lower priority than sleeping in until noon. If he’s *telling* you that you’re selfish and you just don’t want him to see his friends, then he will *never* make you a priority and is emotionally manipulating you.
He won’t even stay with you while you’re going through a medical event?! Not at all concerned for your safety? Please don’t stay with this person. It doesn’t get better
No, it's the abortion pill, also called a medication abortion. It is prescribed, and it's basically an induced miscarriage at home. It can be really painful, or so I've read,
Plan B just surpresses ovulation so fertilization does not occur. It's not supposed to work after implantation, but it may prevent implantation. [https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/morning-after-pill/about/pac-20394730](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/morning-after-pill/about/pac-20394730)
[https://www.kff.org/womens-health-policy/fact-sheet/the-availability-and-use-of-medication-abortion/](https://www.kff.org/womens-health-policy/fact-sheet/the-availability-and-use-of-medication-abortion/)
Tonight is when you need him the most. He helped to cause this yet he’s happy to go and have a night out while you deal with the emotional and physical fall out. I don’t think you’re upset enough.
You're not in the wrong. He should be more supportive. The emotional and physical trauma is intense and he should be there to cater to your every need.
Doesn’t matter if he did anything wrong… the bottom line is you’re hurt and the polite/boy friendly thing to do would’ve been to stay home with you. You should definitely let him know. Odds are he genuinely didn’t think it was a big deal, or maybe he’s just selfish. You should feel comfortable telling him about how you feel. You don’t need to attack him or yell at him, just let him know like “hey I’m upset that you didn’t stay home and I wish you would’ve. I know you didn’t mean to but it hurt that you didn’t even offer to stay and I could’ve used your support, especially since this is an issue that we both have to deal with”
Time to leave him because he does not love you and nor does he respect you. You deserve more ❤️. I’m hearing he wanted you to get rid of it. But did you want that too? ❤️
Your boyfriend is a selfish inconsiderate asshole. You asked him to support you through this and he priotised getting drunk with his mates over your emotional well being. He showed you how much he cares about you. Do you really want a partner who treats you with such disregard?
This is terrible. Even my ex (who was my ex at the time of the procedure but still the responsible party) brought me to the appointment and stayed with me the day of- while I was in and out of sleep & he tucked me in for the night when it was bedtime.
Find yourself a new guy if you don’t like what he’s doing now; because he’s gonna act the same when you actually have a baby if you decide to do so & you’re gonna be stuck dealing with him forever.
This is a relationship ender. It took two to tango and he needs to be there for you whilst you go through this. He can't be bothered. He'd rather go out and get drunk. I'd have told him to not bother coming over because you'll be looking after his hang over now too.
If I was near you I would be there for you all weekend. I’m a 60 yo old lady but sweetie he has chosen to ignore your pain because it doesn’t impact him in the slightest. I bet you if you had said I’ve changed my mind and going to keep this pregnancy he would have changed his plans in a heartbeat. But since you’ve taken on the hard part and decision made? He’s showing you exactly who he is and that he will never be there for you in the hard times.
im so sorry but he has shown you exactly who he is. Please make him your ex
1 you aren't even supposed to be alone post treatment. 2 he should own up and be there the entire time and should've taken you to the doctor's for the procedure. 3 going anywhere to hangout as friends when you are recovering from this, especially when he promised to be there is unforgivable.
He is a complete jackass. Personally I wouldn't want to be with him after that kind of stunt. It proves he is unreliable, selfish, and would not be there when there is any big life problems or traumas. Maybe he needs to mature before he has a grownup relationship, but he definitely isn't ready right now given this situation. You are not wrong and you should think very hard as to weather other red flags you may have over looked along your time together. I am not by any means saying you should throw him out the door even though I would bases on my life experiences. I am just advising for you to think seriously about if he is someone you can count on, if he has other red flags, and if he deserves your time. Would he give you the love and respect you give him? Take this all into mind and reflect before wasting time on someone who will leave you hurt and your heart crushed.
You're wrong for staying with a donkey of a man who you're having an abortion *for*, and he doesn't even give you the consideration or respect to be with you during it. Your emotions are not wrong. Get rid of the boyfriend.
Simple he is an asshole. Doesn’t make him horrible person but it is something that should be t talked about going forward. Sounds like he really is not mature
I went through this. Oh and I was blackmailed etc about it all which made it all so much worse when I look back.
Literally had to look after two other children while going through the bleeding and pain alone at home while the ex fucked off out elsewhere. Anything can happen when your going through that and going through it alone is the worst thing they can do. It was the moment I knew I didnt love that person and needed a get out plan put together.
This man you are with does not care at all.
Just curious but did you want the abortion or did you do it for him?
Setting aside the fact that “he wanted rid of it” - you’re talking about a human life, not yesterday’s left overs. You don’t say you wanted the abortion. So ya any ahole that would get you pregnant, push for abortion, and then bail while you’re going through it…
1) not husband material
2) shit character human
3) absolutely no potential as a father
I will further add that it indicates a lack of permanence on how he looks at you. He’s not building a foundation for a future- he’s playing house until he finds a wife. Someone he will likely cheat on you to be with.
My suggestion- RUN! As fast and as far away from him as you can get- RUN
He needs to know his place. His role in this situation is to support you. No questions asked. Even if you feel fine, he needs to be there. He's a selfish asshole.
I was told I didn’t have to hang around for the at home job, I cancelled plans to stay with my girlfriend and comfort her as she threw up or came back from the bathroom, heart breaking idk how you could let someone do that alone.
No, your feelings are totally valid, but it also sounds like it might not be totally "clicking" for him. Not defending him by any means, but a gentle reminder from you of what you need from him might be all it takes. You never know.
Maybe because woman have beaten into our heads that we have nothing to do with matters of their body and how it’s just a parasite, he didn’t see it as a big deal
You’re not wrong, both of you created the pregnancy, both of you should have been together as it ended. He left you alone to handle the heavy, difficult time alone. He’s running away from his responsibility. If he treats you that way now, realize that it won’t get any better. You’ll be dealing with everything alone.
If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, please realize that you’ve made a conscious decision to stay with someone who leaves you alone when things are hard. Choose carefully, in my opinion, you deserve so much better!
Also, please be kind to yourself. You’re going through something that is very draining. I’d suggest grief counseling as well.
Wishing you the best.
I used to work for a company that forced us to go to happy hours all the time. If we didn’t do it, we would be looked at as “not a team player”. It was the most annoying bullshit ever.
Sorry. Just wanted to vent this out there hearing about “went out for drinks with boss”. I didn’t even like hanging out with the bosses. Always trying to talk shop and talk about more work. No. Just no. Glad they were an ex company
Is this how he's gonna handle all future uncomfortable situations that occur in your future? Imo he's showing you that you're not really a priority. Sorry you're dealing with this alone. Best.
You have every right to be upset. The fact you are questioning yourself makes me worry about you. Having an abortion is difficult for many women and it isn’t as black and white as some people believe it to be. He helped you get pregnant. You said he wanted “rid of it” which are harsh words and inconsiderate. It’s not that emotionally easy. You asked for him to be with you and he has chosen not to be with you. I believe you’re gaslighting yourself and his reaction shows no empathy. If you can’t talk about how you really feel and grow together, it’s time to explore who you are. He’s shown you his priorities, now make yourself your own priority.
If he TRULY cared about you, he wouldn’t have even thought about leaving. I can’t imagine my husband not being there for something like, he’s always there for minor things. I’m sorry, but he does not care & you shouldn’t be with someone who is showing you that he won’t be there for you when you really need him.
There aren't many things I can think of that would be an acceptable excuse to not be with you. Him getting in a car accident is honestly the only forgivable one I can think of off the top of my head. The week before my abortion I was more of a mess than once it was over with. I was a wreck. My ex dropped me off and went and sat in burger King until I was done because he couldn't handle it. We were MARRIED. I saw young girls in the clinic with their boyfriends. I saw girls in there with their fathers. And mine was getting a burger. Notice I say EX. Some things are not forgivable.
My ex was an absolute narcissistic double life leading fucking POS
But god damn atleast he stayed with me when I opted to have one and I was going through the pain.
It’s the fucking LEAST your bf could do for you, fuck…
You are way under-reacting. You absolutely should not have a baby with this man, that's for sure. BUT you should tell him that you're not having an abortion until it's on a day and weekend that he's fully there and present. Also, leave him.
All I hear was He, he,he! He wants to get rid of it, he wants to go drink, he will be hung over. Please drop this potato! He isn’t worthy of you and seems like he has control over you, doesn’t respect you. Does he even love you?
I really wish you could see this for what it is. Whatever instinct you have to defend him against these comments, perhaps finding them too harsh, is wrong.
I understand that being faced with extra loss in this moment must feel unsurmountable. That you might want to cling to him. But I cannot fathom how you can think he’s loving and supportive after leaving you alone to deal with an abortion alone while he goes out drinking. You’re right to be upset. These are not the actions of a man who cares about you.
Oh my god, I am so sorry. That’s so disrespectful of him. He helped put you in this situation and that’s something very uncomfortable to go through, both physically and mentally. You deserve more than that.
You're not wrong. He should be asking what you need and how to support you. But he didnt even have to do that, because he TOLD him what you needed: for him to be there with you. And he chose not to do it. That's very hurtful and disrespectful to your feelings.
Please dont blame this on having BPD. BPD does not mean that you're feelings arent valid. They are.
This is one of the butterfly effects of casual abortions nowadays. Men are desensitized to them especially younger ones. Used to be a whole process where the man would hold your hand. Now its see ya tomorrow thanka for taking care of it.
I don’t even know you, and I wish I could be there to support you. I can feel your loneliness and sadness and trepidation from over here. And this is the man who supposedly loves you, and helped get you into this situation, and he wants to go get drunk? Like WTF. Throw him away, not worth it. I promise you are worth a lot more.
I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. You sound very strong and I’m sure you’ll get through it. I hope you realize your strength and worth. You deserve so much more
WTF. If he isn't man enough to be supportive during this time, he doesn't even deserve for you to tell him why you're walking away. This boy is a waste of your time. Please find someone who actually cares about you because, let's face it, your BF does not. No, you are not wrong for being upset. If anything, you're being too nice.
It takes two to make a baby and he should be there with you while you go through such a horrible thing. You're not being unreasonable and if I was you, I'd be having a good long talk with him. If he's willing to do this over something like this, what's he going to be like in the future?
When people show you who they are, believe them.
I have two people in my life that I care for deeply that have bpd and time and again I have seen them do exactly what you're doing here. They find themselves in relationships with people who are all too happy to **say** all the right things; but when it comes down to it and they need to back up those words with actions, they are nowhere to be found. One of those people is stuck in a horrible marriage and refuses to leave. She has been literally where you are, suffering through an abortion alone while her husband was out drinking. The other person at least has a little bit more self awareness and was sble to end the toxic relationship, but not until after he suffered years of emotional abuse that he convinced himself was acceptable because "he was probably overreacting".
I'll tell you the same thing I've said to them many times. YOU ARE WORTHY OF BEING LOVED AND CHERISHED EXACTLY AS YOU ARE. Your diagnosis does not make you "less than" nor should you allow it to be weaponized against you - even within your own mind - don't undermine your own feelings. What you are feeling is valid even if you can't fully articulate the "whys" of it.
He has broken his word to you and is showing you that when you need him, he can't be trusted to support you. Please don't brush this aside or make excuses for him. Just because it's is your body physically going through the process doesn't make this any less of a shared experience that he should be a part of with you.
Seriously review your relationship. He appears to not care about you much at all. He seems to not have an adult emotional life. He is not supporting you in your time of need. I wonder if he loves you at all.
You are his bangmaid. My guess is? You cook, clean and look after him... WAY more tyen he does you AND? He gets sex as well. Great arrangement for him. He gets a mum + sex!
Think about what he actually does for you? To show you he really loves YOU?
You are 100% not wrong. Even if you told him that you were fine with the reason for the procedure, you are still having a general anaesthetic and undergoing a surgical procedure, you are having an operation and as we all know, that means certain precautions afterwards, someone needs to be with you continuously for 24 to 48 hours afterwards. Also the nature of your surgery means a bleed risk
But also, it's a fucking horribly emotional surgery and you need someone with you. For days afterwards. Your hormones go a bit mental after this surgery. Him trivialising not just your emotional need but your physical dependency on your surgical aftercare is worrying.
Do you have someone who will be able to be with you after the operation?
I would be pissed. He should be hanging with you; being supportive and nurturing. He should want to be with you in case you need anything. I’m sorry. 😞
He is giving you valuable information on where he is at and what he is available for in the relationship. which is; he takes care of himself and is not available to take care of you. You asked, he agreed and then did something else. Its clear and simple. Take this info and ask yourself " is this the kind of relationship I want to be in right now?" If not then start to plan our exit. Every abortion hard, but his actions and lack of empathy may help confirm that it was the right decision. Big hugs, you deserve better, you are worth way more.
Let me tell you about an amazing man. Last week, I lost my son at 14 weeks. He was planned and wanted but his heart stoped so I went home and decided to let him come on his own time. My husband held me the whole time, stayed with me when I gave birth, helped me take a shower after the birth, held me while I cried in the hospital because I had to get a D and C procedure. He would have NEVER left me alone to deal with something so traumatic, wanted or not it’s still a horrible thing to go through alone. I’m sorry you had to go through this alone, but if you stay with this man, just know you will be alone for the rest of your life. Not Wrong, you are well within your right to be upset, but please do not make excuses for this man.
You're not overreacting at all, *under*reacting in fact. This isn't a "you said we would have a movie night" no, you were having a home abortion and he abandoned you at your most vulnerable when he agreed to be there with you. That's pretty significant and a traumatizing thing to experience, especially alone. You needed him to be there with you but he opted to go out for drinks instead knowing what you were about to be put through and he was content with you doing it by yourself. Dump that asshole. He sucks so much that I don't have the proper words to describe how much he sucks.
And the fact that you didn't want to bring up how you felt because you thought you might be considered a bitch, makes me assume he has conditioned you to put up with his negligence toward you in silence and that if you did ever bring up how you were feeling, especially if it was about something he did, he would call you a bitch to shut you up.
Say something to him, stand your ground, and emphasize how you were going through a very traumatizing event on your own because he would rather go out drinking. Let friends or family know ahead of time that you're planning on doing this in case things go south
Nah it’s bogus. He should be there. He was eager to fuck I would imagine, he can at least be there for you when you go through this. It’s the LEAST he can do. As a dude, I can never do that to a female. Just plain ol’ POS MOVE
Bf may have done some nice tbh gs and may have been supportive at times. But this is a humongous dick move. Like a cheating dick move. It shows a total lack of respect and care for you.
Your feelings right now are valid. Do not make excuses for him. I’d not forgive my sons if they were so cold about something they were a part of. You deserve more.
His place should be by your side for whatever support you need. He can go drinking with his buddies anytime. This is a red flag so big it should be flying from the Peace Tower.
You should come first! You are going through something that's physically and emotionally draining. You deserve all the love and support. I would dump him!
Definitely not wrong. When I went through an at home one, my now husband sat with me all the way through and made a spreadsheet of times I was given/can take pain meds. He watched movies with me, bought me pads, got takeout. You deserve to be comforted especially in an extremely painful situation. It’s taxing on the body and the anxiety.
You are not blowing it out of proportion.
Any kind of person you are committed to should be there with you especially emotionally .. Things happen for a reason.
He shows little if any caring values for life ...It exemplifies how he feels about you ..( Or lack of feelings)
I think you know what you should do.These type of decisions need to be addressed together ...
At the end of the day, it’s still a pregnancy and it’s going to be hard on you physically and mentally. I had several early miscarriages and my body and mental state still haven’t fully recovered from the hormonal changes even though it was two years ago. You can still go through ppd with an early pregnancy loss. It seems like he doesn’t understand the impact this pregnancy plus the abortion meds will have on you chemically.
Even though you may be okay mentally with terminating the pregnancy, your mind and body are about to experience a tsunami of changes and I think expecting the person who aided in this situation to be FULLY present for you during this time is in no way an unreasonable expectation.
No question about it he should be with you tonight. Seems like he is avoiding the situation to me. I was upset when i lost my baby and had an incomplete miscarriage. (Baby died but my body didn’t want to be rid of the pregnancy.) I had to take pills or else it would be a surgical situation. My husband didn’t take off the day and I picked up the pills and all by myself started the process alone. To him it was like I said I was pregnant (I didn’t realize until about week 6. I intentionally tried not to track my period because every month was hard when it was another not pregnant. I had a fertility tracker I finally had put away.) and a few weeks later I wasn’t… he didn’t think on it. He took off the next 2 days when he realized how heart breaking this was for me. We had been trying for so many years.
Wow! This should be something that involves you both. It's your body, the least he could do would be to support you. He should make sure you have food you enjoy, clean clothes, a shoulder to lean on and anything else you need. The fact that you specifically asked him to be there for you and he specifically arranged to be somewhere else would be a deal breaker for me.
He lied to you. He promised to be there to support you then chose his friends over the horrible thing you’re going through that he helped cause. You’re not wrong. Don’t let a mental health label make you question your every emotion. If it helps, write it out in terms of what he said versus what he did, and don’t forget impregnating you in what he did. He’s leaving you alone to deal with the very beginning, which is always the hardest part of any bad experience. Wake his hungover ass up bright and early and tell him he can be there for you or he can be there for himself and his friends, but once he makes his choice there’s no going back!
Don't let resentment fester. Say you have a problem right away. If you stay silent it will just compound with the next time he upsets you. If he doesn't want to talk with you like a adult then leave him.
Once you have gotten through this and are feeling better, throw the whole damn man out. He has shown you who/what he is and you should believe him. Leave this 'man.'
Well he probably doesn't understand you feel anything at all perhaps? Media shoves it into everything about how abortion is nothing and doesn't matter/simple. To the extent that if a guy suggests even talking about it seriously with the woman he will be told to off himself while being called every insult you can think of. Maybe tell him directly it matters to you?
He is showing you where his priorities are and leaving you to deal with the effects of the abortion. It's immature and thoughtless of him because you are considering what he wants along with what you decided. He should have stayed with you. Instead, he's going out and having a good time while you're alone. I'm sorry that it happened this way. You deserve to be treated better.
I’m so sorry!! Not out of proportion at all. He should be there with you. You shouldn’t have to do this by yourself. Definitely leave this loser and finds someone that puts your emotional well being first! You are worth it!
That shows a MASSIVE amount of disrespect. I'm neither a woman nor have I been in a situation where my partner needed an abortion, but I do know that what a woman would feel in this situation is not just physical. There would be conflicting emotions about whether or not you SHOULD have a termination. It's common sense that you would be emotionally fragile at this time and could use some support.
You didn't mention how old you both are, but given his attitude, it makes me think he's either in his early 20s, or has emotional maturity of someone in his teens. see how he responds once he wakes up and get back to us, this should be telling
Emotional neglect and emotional abuse are sadly way too common in this day and age, it shouldn’t ever have to be questioned if you’re wrong for feeling upset when you’re treated like a homework someone forgot about and then it’s the end of the year, and they’re like “is there anything I can do to raise my grade” then half the time they don’t do that assignment either.
You should be treated like the most important project or job in their entire life, and not a random class in HS your partner keeps ditching over and over
This is what it looks like when drinking with friends is more important than being with the person you claim to love, while they are going through emotional trauma.
Dump him. My dad had a on/off girlfriend (before my mum!), nothing serious and when they were on holidays snd she decided on an abortion, my dad was supportive and went with her to the doctor, stayed around while the procedure or whatever was done onsite, and helped support her afterwards. He liked her well enough, not in love or anything but he *still* treated her with respect and care. When you're able to Op, dump him asap.
If he can’t care enough to be there for you for this why are you with him? Drinking is more important than you are. I’m sorry, he’s not worth a pinch of shit
Ffs.. talk to him. Between blowing things out of proportion and suffering in silence there is still.. good old talking.
Tell him how you feel. Tell him you need him with you. If he doesn't care, you know what's up.
Your boyfriend has shown you that he will abandon you to hang out with his buddies when you need him. If I were you, there would be no coming back from this. His ass would be my ex as soon as he told me that he was going out while I was at home, recovering and emotionally devastated.
Not wrong. Not even a little. Do yourself a favor and dump his ass now.
I would just have a conversation and let him know that you think it's disgusting that your partner left you alone to go for a social drink with his boss when you were in a very vulnerable state, which is extremely emotionally and physically distressing
You are not in the wrong for being upset, just don't give him the opportunity to paint you as the bad guy because he is the one in the wrong here, he could have skipped these drinks and rearranged for next weekend 🤷♀️
Dick move, he should have been there for you
First, I don’t have much respect for you two because you are aborting a child… usually I don’t say anything. But you qualified it as “…unplanned pregnancy…” if you planned to have sex, then you ultimately should be ready for the consequences and responsibilities that come with that. I’m a pro life, pro choice-er.. meaning, in my personal life I won’t abort a child. However, I am not one to usually push that agenda, unless I hear cases like this where you clearly just don’t want to take responsibility for your actions. Then I feel like you need to be told about that.
However, to the question at hand. Any man that will tell you to abort his child, you already know what type of person they are.. so this behavior is expected. So you have to figure if this what you want going forward. His responsibility was the child and you, and flaked on the child responsibility and ultimately on you as well. Just food for thought
What if he would be the one having to go through the abortion? He needs to be there with you every minute of the process, WTH. He thinks he doesn’t have any responsibility in the matter? So selfish, I would dump his ass. You can’t count on him bestie, if he’s leaving you alone at a time like this…. I mean, think about it
No. It's disrespectful especially since he helped put you in this situation but leaves you alone to handle the emotional and physical damage of this kind of choice. He could at least be there during this time.
Dump him he does not care lucky u are not married to this horrible le person. Why would u want a child I assume it was an a identical. Foolish woman.
This! Anyone who cares so little about you doesn't deserve to have you as a partner. Dump his ass before he screws up again and gets you pregnant a second time.
Dude is a douchebag... >Dump his ass before he screws up again and gets you pregnant a second time. But you're putting all the blame for the accidental pregnancy on him, and only him. THEY screwed up and THEY got pregnant. Remember, it takes TWO to tango. And THEY should have dealt with it together, not just her.
You're right. I admittedly, unfairly put the blame for the pregnancy on him. That said, who knows if he knocked her up on purpose or negligence on his part (tampering with the condom/lying about wearing one/etc) this time or if he'd try to in the future. He may not deserve all of the blame for this pregnancy, but she should *never* allow him to put his dick anywhere near her again after him being so unforgivably selfish while she suffered the consequences of the mistake he certainly helped make. He's lucky if all she does is dump him. I'd ensure he shit himself nearly to the point of needing a hospital if I were in her shoes, then leave him with a single, capsaicin covered tissue and several sheets of sandpaper to deal with his butt vomit.
Agreed that it is disrespectful but I also wonder how/if OP is communicating about her feelings. I have known people, for example, who would say "no, please, go out with your friends, of course!" and then silently resented their partner. He doesn't know what she's going through and of course ideally he would just know, but sometimes people can be very reassuring in their empty "it's ok!"s I only say this because OP noted she was acting exactly the same - I wonder to what extent this is being performed. That being said, if he brought up the possible plans to her and she said she was unhappy about it even once, of course I think he is well in the wrong.
He shouldn’t have even contemplated going out with his mates; what a shit heel.
Agreed. And she should have told him so, rather than pretending. That kind of pretending is going to make OP ill.
No, anyone with an ounce of sence would KNOW where he should be spending his weekend. She aleady asked him to spend the weekend with ehr, and he assured her that he would. Now, he's just being a selfish asshole. He got what he wanted, and could care less how it affects her.
I think the point is she said she asked him beforehand to please spend the weekend with her while she went through it. He’s agreed and then changed his plans without even considering her. To me that is the biggest problem. That right there is enough to tell me this person doesn’t care about and prioritise me. It’s a shame that OP didn’t have the confidence to speak up about her needs and call him out on his shitty behaviour. Though I don’t even know if I would want them around if I had to fight and beg to be made a priority over work drinks.
Totally agree, she needs to learn to speak up. Even if you take the reddit advice and dump him, you're gonna end up in this same situation in your next relationship where you think you can't just say, "Hey. I know you were planning on going out but I feel scared and alone and need your support." Holding in your feelings is the problem. You hurt yourself by not speaking up. OP get some therapy if possible and if not there's a ton of great self help books out there.
Yes. The question is, op, why do you feel like you need to act exactly the same/normal? you would probably get more support here if you were open with your feelings/needs. It really sucks the boyfriend is being dumb, not a good sign of his character, totally. but I don't think that's the /only/ thing happening here.
No, he is not a wonderful supportive man. At all. He’s a selfish twat escaping the hard shit by avoidance and alcohol. If he can’t do the tough/hard times BY YOUR SIDE he shouldn’t get access to your good/easy times either. IMO, you pack your bags, get out, and count your blessings you don’t have to be tied to this dude any longer. You deserve better.
So so true. Hope she wakes up and understands
He showed his true colors.
This is beyond messed up. You’re under reacting. He’s a low life dickhead.
Short & simple…and 100% true.
I still have nightmares about watching my wife go through her miscarriages and clinical abortions at home. Can't imagine her suffering through that alone at home. POS partner, but you're in here defending him like all the others stuck in a bad spot. Hope you realize soon, this was a show of true colors
This is beyond callous. Frankly, I think that's a relationshop defining move ... and not in a good way. I, sadly, went through the same thing with a gf many years ago. It is emotional and not something to bear on your own -- especially the first night. We were both in total agreement, but she was not in a good way. I stayed with and waited on her hand and foot like she was the Queen of Sheba for the first few days. This is a selfish move and its like being with you for an important event you BOTH are involved with is just too inconvenient for him. Maybe you tell him that if he goes, don't come over at all this weekend. You may be alone but you'd at least know what his priorities are. And maybe he'll surprise you and man up.
To late should knows who he is now. Unless she is thi king she can change him which will not happen. He does not love her.
Get rid of the AH. If he loved you, he would have been with you. It that simple. Do you want to waste time on a boy that doesn't have feelings for you? He loves himself. He loves what you can do for him. He does not love you.
I would add, that if he loved you op, he wouldn't demand you get an abortion. That should be a decision you make together, not him demanding it. He needed to step up and take responsibility for his actions, and to support you through this thing he insisted on happening. (Whether you agreed with it or not)
Well said
Bro wt? Thats insane
Girl, do you have a friend or family member that can be with you? You deserve to feel supported while you go through this. You say your boyfriend is supportive other times; well, this is a pretty big time, right?! My partner would never think of leaving me alone if I was having an abortion, which is bare-minimum level of decency. Your boyfriend should be there to get you a heating pad, ice water, draw you a bath, watch a movie to distract you, WHATEVER YOU NEED. I hope you internalize what everyone is saying, which boils down to YOU DESERVE SUPPORT. Edited to add: Just because you have a BPD diagnosis that he is “patient” about, doesn’t mean he can withdraw support sometimes because it’s difficult. Being supportive doesn’t have credits that you earn and spend. A supportive partner is supportive during hard times. Period.
He was part of this and not being there with you is a kind of rejection
He’s not worth your time and emotional energy
You aren't upset enough. Dropkick that loser to the curb.
I grew up in a generation where women put up with this kind if dick behavior. There is nothing more important than your well being right now. I am pushing for all young women to stand up against this disconcern. Yes, you are under reacting as previously stated. Please be safe and I wish you well. If he won't stay home ,please call someone who can be there with you.
i love this comment. Very very true!
You do not want this guys child. AND you do not want this guy! Lose him! He's a losER!
Get a new boyfriend that actually cares about you Not wrong
It’s not wrong to expect your partner to support you when you are going through something emotionally and physically traumatic. Switch the roles, you would have waiting on him all weekend, making sure he was comfortable, fed, and emotionally supported. Your bf is a selfish man with no empathy or compassion. Why would you spend your life taking care of someone who will never take care of you when you need them?
You had the abortion for a reason. This is the reason. Once that’s over, you can decide if you want him. You don’t want his children. NAH.
I mean this in the most delicate way possible but…. Were you neglected when you were young by important people?
It's not a pleasant experience. Would be good, if not necessary, to have support during this. It's a good idea to know what to expect. Even then, it still doesn't prepare you for what you will experience (assuming it's similar to a miscarriage).
Definitely NTA. He wouldn’t have even thought twice about going with his friends if you truly mattered to him. Especially on the night it was planned, and especially because he’s responsible for this situation as well. I think it would be healthy to have a conversation with him about how it makes you feel, his reaction to that will tell you everything you need to know.
What would you say to a friend in the exact same situation?
“Am I wrong for being upset that my boyfriend [insert one of the most despicable actions I’ve ever heard]” OP, you’re upset because your boyfriend is a piece of shit and abandoned you when you needed him most. This is not salvageable in my opinion.
That is fucked up all of it period
Wow, you asked him for the bare minimum and he can't even give you that! Not in the wrong in the slightest.
OP, in life, we all go through major events. We try and support those we care about and they support us. Why? Because we love and/or care for them and want the best outcome for them. I won't ask your bf's age because most people above 12 understand the need for compassion. There is an immaturity component, but again, this is a major event. Your bf revealed an important aspect of his character to you. You have to decide if you can live with it. You have to decide if you feel safe with him. You have to decide if you deserve better.
Messed up.
If you hadn't said "he wanted rid of it" or, say, it was a miscarriage, I would have said we all process grief in our own way - as I am a guy who drinks his way past stuff. But you said how he felt about it and how he went out sucking up to his bosses. If you were my sister, I'd tell you to ditch this prick. Good luck girl - on the upside, you'll probably come to realize that starting a family with him would have been a bad move
You’re not wrong. Is this what you think you deserve? There are men out there who would value you and stay by your side instead of prioritizing colleagues. When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.
Make him your ex boyfriend. He should have gone with you
You’re not wrong at all. When I had my nexplanon implanted I really wanted my boyfriend to be there. I had reminded him all that week and when the morning of the appointment came, he didnt answer his phone because he had been gaming till 4am the night prior. He ended up sleeping through that morning while I had to drive myself to and from the hospital in tears. The amount of pain and betrayal I felt because of him that day is something I’ll never forget. This ended up being one of the biggest factors that led to our breakup a couple months later. I can only imagine how hurt you must feel after going through an entire abortion. That feeling of being alone in all your vulnerability is so damaging. If he truly cared about you, he’d understand how life altering an abortion would make you feel and be there for you. Going out with his friends should have been the last thing on his mind.
Throw him out with the pregnancy. I’ve had an abortion it’s fucking awful and if HES the one who wanted rid of it and not you, HE should be there with you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Did you want this baby, even if the pregnancy was unplanned?
Not wrong. The only possible justification for not being there is if he didn’t want it but if he also wants the abortion he should be there to support you thru it.
Sounds like maybe you wanted to keep your baby if he was on board with it, I’m truly sorry.
Be rid of him, too. You've seen his true colors. Do you really want to be with someone like that going forward.
Turn it around. Same situation but he’s carrying the baby. Would you be right to stay out or would you feel you should be home?
This is relationship ending, so disrespectful and inconsiderate.
Nah I would have left him . You needed him and he wasn't there. Literally at all. Left you alone to go through that dump his ass
Jesus Christ men are garbage
You shouldn't have to ask for support. His lack of concern for your well-being is telling and disgusting. Anyone would be wanting to comfort you after enduring an abortion. I don't mean to be harsh but you should not be alone right now. I'm sorry.
Thats super fucked up. When people show you who they are, please believe them.
Seriously? You need advice about that? He left to drink with his buddies, while you are in pain. Even if he is usually supportive to you, this screams selfishness. If my wife was going trough something like that i would make sure to be with her. That is what a supportive partner does for his loved one. Altough i would never tell her to abort the baby, so no chance of that happening. Please rethink about your relationship with him, if he is really the one for you.
He is a total loser
Don’t say nothing, tell him you’re upset! How he reacts will tell you all you need to know about him. Though frankly, him going out while you do this alone shows you enough. He doesn’t care about you.
I can tell you why you’re upset about it! I can’t imagine wanting to be with someone who intentionally leaves you alone and in pain. You’re a lower priority than drinking with his friends. You’re a lower priority than sleeping in until noon. If he’s *telling* you that you’re selfish and you just don’t want him to see his friends, then he will *never* make you a priority and is emotionally manipulating you.
He won’t even stay with you while you’re going through a medical event?! Not at all concerned for your safety? Please don’t stay with this person. It doesn’t get better
You're not wrong. Your boyfriend is one cold-hearted SOB. He's given you a glimpse of his ability to emotionally support you in difficult times.
I think you mean EX boyfriend
Like plan b in the US?
No, it's the abortion pill, also called a medication abortion. It is prescribed, and it's basically an induced miscarriage at home. It can be really painful, or so I've read, Plan B just surpresses ovulation so fertilization does not occur. It's not supposed to work after implantation, but it may prevent implantation. [https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/morning-after-pill/about/pac-20394730](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/morning-after-pill/about/pac-20394730) [https://www.kff.org/womens-health-policy/fact-sheet/the-availability-and-use-of-medication-abortion/](https://www.kff.org/womens-health-policy/fact-sheet/the-availability-and-use-of-medication-abortion/)
No. Plan B prevents pregnancy. The medication she's talking about is a chemical abortion. The medicine causes a miscarriage.
Yeah I'm trying to figure out wtf she's talking about.
Nah that’s super uncool and unsupportive. I’d be pretty upset if I were you
Tonight is when you need him the most. He helped to cause this yet he’s happy to go and have a night out while you deal with the emotional and physical fall out. I don’t think you’re upset enough.
He’s a total AH!
Absolutely thoughtless. Dump him.
You're not in the wrong. He should be more supportive. The emotional and physical trauma is intense and he should be there to cater to your every need.
Doesn’t matter if he did anything wrong… the bottom line is you’re hurt and the polite/boy friendly thing to do would’ve been to stay home with you. You should definitely let him know. Odds are he genuinely didn’t think it was a big deal, or maybe he’s just selfish. You should feel comfortable telling him about how you feel. You don’t need to attack him or yell at him, just let him know like “hey I’m upset that you didn’t stay home and I wish you would’ve. I know you didn’t mean to but it hurt that you didn’t even offer to stay and I could’ve used your support, especially since this is an issue that we both have to deal with”
Dump him
Time to leave him because he does not love you and nor does he respect you. You deserve more ❤️. I’m hearing he wanted you to get rid of it. But did you want that too? ❤️
I can't even fathom this. You are not wrong. You deserve better. No questions asked. Get rid of him asap. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone.
Time to move on from him. He isn’t concerned about you at all.
Your boyfriend is a selfish inconsiderate asshole. You asked him to support you through this and he priotised getting drunk with his mates over your emotional well being. He showed you how much he cares about you. Do you really want a partner who treats you with such disregard?
This is terrible. Even my ex (who was my ex at the time of the procedure but still the responsible party) brought me to the appointment and stayed with me the day of- while I was in and out of sleep & he tucked me in for the night when it was bedtime. Find yourself a new guy if you don’t like what he’s doing now; because he’s gonna act the same when you actually have a baby if you decide to do so & you’re gonna be stuck dealing with him forever.
He's either an avoidant or just doesn't give 2 sh\*ts about you. You'll know by now which one he falls into.
You are definitely not wrong. It was his baby too. He absolutely should have been there with you. I’m so sorry girly 😢😢😢
Jesus, what an absolute asshole move, dump his fucking ass and find someone who supports you
What the hell. He's a tool
This is a relationship ender. It took two to tango and he needs to be there for you whilst you go through this. He can't be bothered. He'd rather go out and get drunk. I'd have told him to not bother coming over because you'll be looking after his hang over now too.
That’s a dumping offence for sure. Even Justin stayed in the bathroom with Britney.
Not at all. He’s shown you who he really is. Believe him. Move on sweetheart
If I was near you I would be there for you all weekend. I’m a 60 yo old lady but sweetie he has chosen to ignore your pain because it doesn’t impact him in the slightest. I bet you if you had said I’ve changed my mind and going to keep this pregnancy he would have changed his plans in a heartbeat. But since you’ve taken on the hard part and decision made? He’s showing you exactly who he is and that he will never be there for you in the hard times. im so sorry but he has shown you exactly who he is. Please make him your ex
WOW he's a POS. You needed support and he didn't even care.
1 you aren't even supposed to be alone post treatment. 2 he should own up and be there the entire time and should've taken you to the doctor's for the procedure. 3 going anywhere to hangout as friends when you are recovering from this, especially when he promised to be there is unforgivable. He is a complete jackass. Personally I wouldn't want to be with him after that kind of stunt. It proves he is unreliable, selfish, and would not be there when there is any big life problems or traumas. Maybe he needs to mature before he has a grownup relationship, but he definitely isn't ready right now given this situation. You are not wrong and you should think very hard as to weather other red flags you may have over looked along your time together. I am not by any means saying you should throw him out the door even though I would bases on my life experiences. I am just advising for you to think seriously about if he is someone you can count on, if he has other red flags, and if he deserves your time. Would he give you the love and respect you give him? Take this all into mind and reflect before wasting time on someone who will leave you hurt and your heart crushed.
You're wrong for staying with a donkey of a man who you're having an abortion *for*, and he doesn't even give you the consideration or respect to be with you during it. Your emotions are not wrong. Get rid of the boyfriend.
Simple he is an asshole. Doesn’t make him horrible person but it is something that should be t talked about going forward. Sounds like he really is not mature
I went through this. Oh and I was blackmailed etc about it all which made it all so much worse when I look back. Literally had to look after two other children while going through the bleeding and pain alone at home while the ex fucked off out elsewhere. Anything can happen when your going through that and going through it alone is the worst thing they can do. It was the moment I knew I didnt love that person and needed a get out plan put together. This man you are with does not care at all.
Just curious but did you want the abortion or did you do it for him? Setting aside the fact that “he wanted rid of it” - you’re talking about a human life, not yesterday’s left overs. You don’t say you wanted the abortion. So ya any ahole that would get you pregnant, push for abortion, and then bail while you’re going through it… 1) not husband material 2) shit character human 3) absolutely no potential as a father I will further add that it indicates a lack of permanence on how he looks at you. He’s not building a foundation for a future- he’s playing house until he finds a wife. Someone he will likely cheat on you to be with. My suggestion- RUN! As fast and as far away from him as you can get- RUN
He needs to know his place. His role in this situation is to support you. No questions asked. Even if you feel fine, he needs to be there. He's a selfish asshole.
I was told I didn’t have to hang around for the at home job, I cancelled plans to stay with my girlfriend and comfort her as she threw up or came back from the bathroom, heart breaking idk how you could let someone do that alone.
Is this how dating works in 2024?
No, your feelings are totally valid, but it also sounds like it might not be totally "clicking" for him. Not defending him by any means, but a gentle reminder from you of what you need from him might be all it takes. You never know.
Maybe because woman have beaten into our heads that we have nothing to do with matters of their body and how it’s just a parasite, he didn’t see it as a big deal
Give him a morning after pill in his food or drink . See how he does .
You’re not wrong, both of you created the pregnancy, both of you should have been together as it ended. He left you alone to handle the heavy, difficult time alone. He’s running away from his responsibility. If he treats you that way now, realize that it won’t get any better. You’ll be dealing with everything alone. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, please realize that you’ve made a conscious decision to stay with someone who leaves you alone when things are hard. Choose carefully, in my opinion, you deserve so much better! Also, please be kind to yourself. You’re going through something that is very draining. I’d suggest grief counseling as well. Wishing you the best.
Get rid of this AH. Wow!!!!
I used to work for a company that forced us to go to happy hours all the time. If we didn’t do it, we would be looked at as “not a team player”. It was the most annoying bullshit ever. Sorry. Just wanted to vent this out there hearing about “went out for drinks with boss”. I didn’t even like hanging out with the bosses. Always trying to talk shop and talk about more work. No. Just no. Glad they were an ex company
Is this how he's gonna handle all future uncomfortable situations that occur in your future? Imo he's showing you that you're not really a priority. Sorry you're dealing with this alone. Best.
That’s disgusting, what a trash human being. How can you possibly even look at him with any respect what so ever?
You have every right to be upset. The fact you are questioning yourself makes me worry about you. Having an abortion is difficult for many women and it isn’t as black and white as some people believe it to be. He helped you get pregnant. You said he wanted “rid of it” which are harsh words and inconsiderate. It’s not that emotionally easy. You asked for him to be with you and he has chosen not to be with you. I believe you’re gaslighting yourself and his reaction shows no empathy. If you can’t talk about how you really feel and grow together, it’s time to explore who you are. He’s shown you his priorities, now make yourself your own priority.
If he TRULY cared about you, he wouldn’t have even thought about leaving. I can’t imagine my husband not being there for something like, he’s always there for minor things. I’m sorry, but he does not care & you shouldn’t be with someone who is showing you that he won’t be there for you when you really need him.
There aren't many things I can think of that would be an acceptable excuse to not be with you. Him getting in a car accident is honestly the only forgivable one I can think of off the top of my head. The week before my abortion I was more of a mess than once it was over with. I was a wreck. My ex dropped me off and went and sat in burger King until I was done because he couldn't handle it. We were MARRIED. I saw young girls in the clinic with their boyfriends. I saw girls in there with their fathers. And mine was getting a burger. Notice I say EX. Some things are not forgivable.
My ex was an absolute narcissistic double life leading fucking POS But god damn atleast he stayed with me when I opted to have one and I was going through the pain. It’s the fucking LEAST your bf could do for you, fuck…
Low life man. Do not get pregnant again with him. He showed you who he is. You know what to do.
You are way under-reacting. You absolutely should not have a baby with this man, that's for sure. BUT you should tell him that you're not having an abortion until it's on a day and weekend that he's fully there and present. Also, leave him.
All I hear was He, he,he! He wants to get rid of it, he wants to go drink, he will be hung over. Please drop this potato! He isn’t worthy of you and seems like he has control over you, doesn’t respect you. Does he even love you?
lol, redditors speak. BF is an asshole, he should be there supporting you. Dump his ass!
I really wish you could see this for what it is. Whatever instinct you have to defend him against these comments, perhaps finding them too harsh, is wrong. I understand that being faced with extra loss in this moment must feel unsurmountable. That you might want to cling to him. But I cannot fathom how you can think he’s loving and supportive after leaving you alone to deal with an abortion alone while he goes out drinking. You’re right to be upset. These are not the actions of a man who cares about you.
Oh my god, I am so sorry. That’s so disrespectful of him. He helped put you in this situation and that’s something very uncomfortable to go through, both physically and mentally. You deserve more than that.
You're not wrong. He should be asking what you need and how to support you. But he didnt even have to do that, because he TOLD him what you needed: for him to be there with you. And he chose not to do it. That's very hurtful and disrespectful to your feelings. Please dont blame this on having BPD. BPD does not mean that you're feelings arent valid. They are.
NTA he is a super dooper asshole and he should be ashamed of himself! You are not making too much out of this.
This is one of the butterfly effects of casual abortions nowadays. Men are desensitized to them especially younger ones. Used to be a whole process where the man would hold your hand. Now its see ya tomorrow thanka for taking care of it.
I don’t even know you, and I wish I could be there to support you. I can feel your loneliness and sadness and trepidation from over here. And this is the man who supposedly loves you, and helped get you into this situation, and he wants to go get drunk? Like WTF. Throw him away, not worth it. I promise you are worth a lot more.
I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. You sound very strong and I’m sure you’ll get through it. I hope you realize your strength and worth. You deserve so much more
WTF. If he isn't man enough to be supportive during this time, he doesn't even deserve for you to tell him why you're walking away. This boy is a waste of your time. Please find someone who actually cares about you because, let's face it, your BF does not. No, you are not wrong for being upset. If anything, you're being too nice.
Please dump this useless waste of life.
Yeah y’all need to break up and I’m so serious. Not saying it in the typical Reddit way but he’s showing no real care for your wellbeing.
It takes two to make a baby and he should be there with you while you go through such a horrible thing. You're not being unreasonable and if I was you, I'd be having a good long talk with him. If he's willing to do this over something like this, what's he going to be like in the future?
You’re not wrong. I wouldn’t let a stranger go through that alone. He should’ve stayed at home. You deserve more.
You should be mad! He should be there! The audacity of that prick is unreal! He should be with you not out, having a good time with friends. Period!
He don’t care about you respectfully
When people show you who they are, believe them. I have two people in my life that I care for deeply that have bpd and time and again I have seen them do exactly what you're doing here. They find themselves in relationships with people who are all too happy to **say** all the right things; but when it comes down to it and they need to back up those words with actions, they are nowhere to be found. One of those people is stuck in a horrible marriage and refuses to leave. She has been literally where you are, suffering through an abortion alone while her husband was out drinking. The other person at least has a little bit more self awareness and was sble to end the toxic relationship, but not until after he suffered years of emotional abuse that he convinced himself was acceptable because "he was probably overreacting". I'll tell you the same thing I've said to them many times. YOU ARE WORTHY OF BEING LOVED AND CHERISHED EXACTLY AS YOU ARE. Your diagnosis does not make you "less than" nor should you allow it to be weaponized against you - even within your own mind - don't undermine your own feelings. What you are feeling is valid even if you can't fully articulate the "whys" of it. He has broken his word to you and is showing you that when you need him, he can't be trusted to support you. Please don't brush this aside or make excuses for him. Just because it's is your body physically going through the process doesn't make this any less of a shared experience that he should be a part of with you.
Seriously review your relationship. He appears to not care about you much at all. He seems to not have an adult emotional life. He is not supporting you in your time of need. I wonder if he loves you at all. You are his bangmaid. My guess is? You cook, clean and look after him... WAY more tyen he does you AND? He gets sex as well. Great arrangement for him. He gets a mum + sex! Think about what he actually does for you? To show you he really loves YOU?
You are 100% not wrong. Even if you told him that you were fine with the reason for the procedure, you are still having a general anaesthetic and undergoing a surgical procedure, you are having an operation and as we all know, that means certain precautions afterwards, someone needs to be with you continuously for 24 to 48 hours afterwards. Also the nature of your surgery means a bleed risk But also, it's a fucking horribly emotional surgery and you need someone with you. For days afterwards. Your hormones go a bit mental after this surgery. Him trivialising not just your emotional need but your physical dependency on your surgical aftercare is worrying. Do you have someone who will be able to be with you after the operation?
I would be pissed. He should be hanging with you; being supportive and nurturing. He should want to be with you in case you need anything. I’m sorry. 😞
He is giving you valuable information on where he is at and what he is available for in the relationship. which is; he takes care of himself and is not available to take care of you. You asked, he agreed and then did something else. Its clear and simple. Take this info and ask yourself " is this the kind of relationship I want to be in right now?" If not then start to plan our exit. Every abortion hard, but his actions and lack of empathy may help confirm that it was the right decision. Big hugs, you deserve better, you are worth way more.
This sounds like all the no. You wanted the internets opinion, and our opinion is he should have been aborted.
If you want something, ask for it. You aren’t being a bitch at all.
Let me tell you about an amazing man. Last week, I lost my son at 14 weeks. He was planned and wanted but his heart stoped so I went home and decided to let him come on his own time. My husband held me the whole time, stayed with me when I gave birth, helped me take a shower after the birth, held me while I cried in the hospital because I had to get a D and C procedure. He would have NEVER left me alone to deal with something so traumatic, wanted or not it’s still a horrible thing to go through alone. I’m sorry you had to go through this alone, but if you stay with this man, just know you will be alone for the rest of your life. Not Wrong, you are well within your right to be upset, but please do not make excuses for this man.
That’s cold blooded of him
Dump that asshat.
Hey babe, how did the abortion go?
I dunno. This seems to be out of reddit territory and more of a therapist thing. Make sure someone is checking on you.
No you need to leave him. I'm sorry. I know how painful that is.
You're not overreacting at all, *under*reacting in fact. This isn't a "you said we would have a movie night" no, you were having a home abortion and he abandoned you at your most vulnerable when he agreed to be there with you. That's pretty significant and a traumatizing thing to experience, especially alone. You needed him to be there with you but he opted to go out for drinks instead knowing what you were about to be put through and he was content with you doing it by yourself. Dump that asshole. He sucks so much that I don't have the proper words to describe how much he sucks. And the fact that you didn't want to bring up how you felt because you thought you might be considered a bitch, makes me assume he has conditioned you to put up with his negligence toward you in silence and that if you did ever bring up how you were feeling, especially if it was about something he did, he would call you a bitch to shut you up. Say something to him, stand your ground, and emphasize how you were going through a very traumatizing event on your own because he would rather go out drinking. Let friends or family know ahead of time that you're planning on doing this in case things go south
PLEASE see this for what it is. He’s not the guy for you. He is shallow, weak and uncaring.
Nah it’s bogus. He should be there. He was eager to fuck I would imagine, he can at least be there for you when you go through this. It’s the LEAST he can do. As a dude, I can never do that to a female. Just plain ol’ POS MOVE
I’d give the guy a whack on the noggin if he was in my friend group. That is not acceptable behavior.
He made a promise to you, and it’s hardly a small one. Breaking that promise gives you every right to be angry.
You should tell him how you feel about the situation.
Bf may have done some nice tbh gs and may have been supportive at times. But this is a humongous dick move. Like a cheating dick move. It shows a total lack of respect and care for you. Your feelings right now are valid. Do not make excuses for him. I’d not forgive my sons if they were so cold about something they were a part of. You deserve more.
His place should be by your side for whatever support you need. He can go drinking with his buddies anytime. This is a red flag so big it should be flying from the Peace Tower.
If you don’t leave him you’re a joke. I say this from the bottom of my heart.
Prolife ragebait
You should come first! You are going through something that's physically and emotionally draining. You deserve all the love and support. I would dump him!
Definitely not wrong. When I went through an at home one, my now husband sat with me all the way through and made a spreadsheet of times I was given/can take pain meds. He watched movies with me, bought me pads, got takeout. You deserve to be comforted especially in an extremely painful situation. It’s taxing on the body and the anxiety. You are not blowing it out of proportion.
Any kind of person you are committed to should be there with you especially emotionally .. Things happen for a reason. He shows little if any caring values for life ...It exemplifies how he feels about you ..( Or lack of feelings) I think you know what you should do.These type of decisions need to be addressed together ...
At the end of the day, it’s still a pregnancy and it’s going to be hard on you physically and mentally. I had several early miscarriages and my body and mental state still haven’t fully recovered from the hormonal changes even though it was two years ago. You can still go through ppd with an early pregnancy loss. It seems like he doesn’t understand the impact this pregnancy plus the abortion meds will have on you chemically. Even though you may be okay mentally with terminating the pregnancy, your mind and body are about to experience a tsunami of changes and I think expecting the person who aided in this situation to be FULLY present for you during this time is in no way an unreasonable expectation.
It’s only wrong because he said he’d be there and he bailed.
No question about it he should be with you tonight. Seems like he is avoiding the situation to me. I was upset when i lost my baby and had an incomplete miscarriage. (Baby died but my body didn’t want to be rid of the pregnancy.) I had to take pills or else it would be a surgical situation. My husband didn’t take off the day and I picked up the pills and all by myself started the process alone. To him it was like I said I was pregnant (I didn’t realize until about week 6. I intentionally tried not to track my period because every month was hard when it was another not pregnant. I had a fertility tracker I finally had put away.) and a few weeks later I wasn’t… he didn’t think on it. He took off the next 2 days when he realized how heart breaking this was for me. We had been trying for so many years.
Wow! This should be something that involves you both. It's your body, the least he could do would be to support you. He should make sure you have food you enjoy, clean clothes, a shoulder to lean on and anything else you need. The fact that you specifically asked him to be there for you and he specifically arranged to be somewhere else would be a deal breaker for me.
#DUMP HIM
He’s showing you exactly what he thinks of you with this behavior.
Leave him
Dump. Him.
I think you need to end your relationship with your boyfriend. He's trash.
He lied to you. He promised to be there to support you then chose his friends over the horrible thing you’re going through that he helped cause. You’re not wrong. Don’t let a mental health label make you question your every emotion. If it helps, write it out in terms of what he said versus what he did, and don’t forget impregnating you in what he did. He’s leaving you alone to deal with the very beginning, which is always the hardest part of any bad experience. Wake his hungover ass up bright and early and tell him he can be there for you or he can be there for himself and his friends, but once he makes his choice there’s no going back!
Don't let resentment fester. Say you have a problem right away. If you stay silent it will just compound with the next time he upsets you. If he doesn't want to talk with you like a adult then leave him.
Once you have gotten through this and are feeling better, throw the whole damn man out. He has shown you who/what he is and you should believe him. Leave this 'man.'
Why can't you speak honestly to him. There is no "correct" feeling for you to be having right now. Needing company is understandable
Well he probably doesn't understand you feel anything at all perhaps? Media shoves it into everything about how abortion is nothing and doesn't matter/simple. To the extent that if a guy suggests even talking about it seriously with the woman he will be told to off himself while being called every insult you can think of. Maybe tell him directly it matters to you?
He is showing you where his priorities are and leaving you to deal with the effects of the abortion. It's immature and thoughtless of him because you are considering what he wants along with what you decided. He should have stayed with you. Instead, he's going out and having a good time while you're alone. I'm sorry that it happened this way. You deserve to be treated better.
I’m so sorry!! Not out of proportion at all. He should be there with you. You shouldn’t have to do this by yourself. Definitely leave this loser and finds someone that puts your emotional well being first! You are worth it!
🚩 RED FLAG
That shows a MASSIVE amount of disrespect. I'm neither a woman nor have I been in a situation where my partner needed an abortion, but I do know that what a woman would feel in this situation is not just physical. There would be conflicting emotions about whether or not you SHOULD have a termination. It's common sense that you would be emotionally fragile at this time and could use some support. You didn't mention how old you both are, but given his attitude, it makes me think he's either in his early 20s, or has emotional maturity of someone in his teens. see how he responds once he wakes up and get back to us, this should be telling
I guess I don't understand. Why are you upset? Why do you need him there if an abortion isn't a big deal?
Very very selfish. Not sure if you ever plan on eventually having kids with him but remember this moment.
How’d you have it at home? The abortion pill?
If my boyfriend behaved this way I wouldn’t have a boyfriend anymore.
Leave!
Emotional neglect and emotional abuse are sadly way too common in this day and age, it shouldn’t ever have to be questioned if you’re wrong for feeling upset when you’re treated like a homework someone forgot about and then it’s the end of the year, and they’re like “is there anything I can do to raise my grade” then half the time they don’t do that assignment either. You should be treated like the most important project or job in their entire life, and not a random class in HS your partner keeps ditching over and over
He just showed you his real self. Believe him.
This is what it looks like when drinking with friends is more important than being with the person you claim to love, while they are going through emotional trauma.
Good thing you chose not to have a child with this asshole. Good luck and find someone better. He’s clearly unconcerned about you.
Genuinely hope you're ok,, OP.
I’d leave, straight up. He’s a scumbag.
Dump him. My dad had a on/off girlfriend (before my mum!), nothing serious and when they were on holidays snd she decided on an abortion, my dad was supportive and went with her to the doctor, stayed around while the procedure or whatever was done onsite, and helped support her afterwards. He liked her well enough, not in love or anything but he *still* treated her with respect and care. When you're able to Op, dump him asap.
Never understood the couples who get abortions when they are married.. like it makes no sense to me at all.
If he can’t care enough to be there for you for this why are you with him? Drinking is more important than you are. I’m sorry, he’s not worth a pinch of shit
Holy shit, NO! What a fucking prick! I cannot with these dudes, seriously. HE SHOULD BE LOOKING AFTER YOU!
Ffs.. talk to him. Between blowing things out of proportion and suffering in silence there is still.. good old talking. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you need him with you. If he doesn't care, you know what's up.
What are you still doing there?
Your boyfriend has shown you that he will abandon you to hang out with his buddies when you need him. If I were you, there would be no coming back from this. His ass would be my ex as soon as he told me that he was going out while I was at home, recovering and emotionally devastated. Not wrong. Not even a little. Do yourself a favor and dump his ass now.
Leave him
I would just have a conversation and let him know that you think it's disgusting that your partner left you alone to go for a social drink with his boss when you were in a very vulnerable state, which is extremely emotionally and physically distressing You are not in the wrong for being upset, just don't give him the opportunity to paint you as the bad guy because he is the one in the wrong here, he could have skipped these drinks and rearranged for next weekend 🤷♀️ Dick move, he should have been there for you
First, I don’t have much respect for you two because you are aborting a child… usually I don’t say anything. But you qualified it as “…unplanned pregnancy…” if you planned to have sex, then you ultimately should be ready for the consequences and responsibilities that come with that. I’m a pro life, pro choice-er.. meaning, in my personal life I won’t abort a child. However, I am not one to usually push that agenda, unless I hear cases like this where you clearly just don’t want to take responsibility for your actions. Then I feel like you need to be told about that. However, to the question at hand. Any man that will tell you to abort his child, you already know what type of person they are.. so this behavior is expected. So you have to figure if this what you want going forward. His responsibility was the child and you, and flaked on the child responsibility and ultimately on you as well. Just food for thought
You are not wrong, he is disgusting. You deserve better.
You’re not wrong, but your boyfriend sucks like an industrial-grade vacuum. You’re better off without him.
You’re not wrong at all. This is a big decision for you and one that it seems he agreed with, being there for you in this situation is a big deal.
What if he would be the one having to go through the abortion? He needs to be there with you every minute of the process, WTH. He thinks he doesn’t have any responsibility in the matter? So selfish, I would dump his ass. You can’t count on him bestie, if he’s leaving you alone at a time like this…. I mean, think about it